This is something that may be difficult for a lot of people. In fact, when you are under emotional distress it can be difficult for just about anyone, including an author/blog writer/postal worker. When you are having a disagreement the natural urge is to discover who is the one to blame for the upset. I have been guilty of this myself, if you don’t believe me I am sure my beautiful lady would back me up. Here is what I learned, Most of the time the fault is usually shared. Here is something else I have learned, finding out whose fault it is does little or nothing to fix the issue at hand.
So what should you be looking for? A solution, or as the picture above says, a remedy. Ask yourself this question, what would be the ultimate outcome? Let us say your spouse said something that really embarassed you in public. First of all, chances are they did not intend to do so, and if they did you may wish to question your choice of spouse. Now if you argue about whether it was their fault for saying it, or yours for not letting you know that won’t solve you feeling foolish. The ultimate goal here is to have your spouse know what bothers you and to hopefully have the situation not happen in the future.
This takes practice and trust me if you can try it first on an issue that is not so heated it works a lot better. Ask yourself what you would like to happen, what is your goal going forward? Then, ask yourself how you can best recruit your partners help in that matter. Here is a clue, saying “It is your fault” does not often lead to a feeling of cooperation. Rather let them know that you understand they did not mean to upset you and that you both would like to avoid that in the future. Then ask for their help in coming up with a solution. Having them involved creates a feeling of working together. Whether it is an intimate relationship, a friendship or even a coworker you are in this together and things work a lot better if you work together.
This works even better if you can begin by admitting your share of the fault to begin with. That takes the pressure off of everyone. It may also take the fire out of the arguement to some extent. It works even better if you are to follow it up with something like “I would like to work together to make sure we don’t have this problem in the future. What can I do on my end to help that?” To often we like to tell people what they should do, but in reality whether or not that will happen is up to them. Showing that you are willing to work on things on your side demonstrates good faith and a desire to clear up conflict.
So in the 2016 let us work to find remedies, not fault.