Month: February 2018

WHAT YOU ARE MISSING

I live in a nice city called West Allis. I work in a different city about a 40 minute drive away. This can make for some exciting days especially in winter. In many ways I have learned to relish the drive as it gives me time to think, or listen to audio books. I love learning and am grateful for the time the drive affords me to do so.

Recently, I have been listening to the book The Power which is the sequel to the popular book The Secret. Both are books on the law of attraction. I recommend both of them. Not to ruin any plots for you, but The Power is about the power of love. Not just of the romantic variety, but how to apply and reap the benefits of the power of love in your own life.

One of the fun things the book advocates doing is finding what you love about certain situations. In doing so you remain more present and aware of your surroundings. One of the ways they mention in the book is asking yourself the question “What do I love?” Asking questions is a great way to take control of your thoughts. Giving your brain a question to find an answer to can give it direction and keep it from going somewhere you might not want it to go.

I was interested in giving my brain the positive task of finding things to love and bring me joy. The 40 minute drive to my day job at the Post Office seemed like the perfect time to give this idea a try. Certainly, the prospect of showing up at work in a great mood was appealing. Let me voice a disclaimer here. Although the idea did appeal to me, I had never really made a conscious effort to do this and kept an open mind. I figured it may be rough going at first and I may find it difficult to find things to love. I could not have been more incorrect! One thing after another seemed to leap to my attention and I could not notice them fast enough! Despite the unexpected nature of this, it was not the most surprising development on that trip.

Every day I take pretty much the same route to work. I reached my decision on 60th street, which at the moment closely resembles a demilitarized zone. Here is what I found so surprising. Even though I take that street at the very least 5 days a week, I was amazed at how much I miss! I decided to try again on the way home. The same result followed. Even just being on the opposite side of the street a whole world I had been missing unfolded before me.

When I got home I began to ask Margie, “Have you seen that building on 60th with the multi-colored bricks?” and a million other things. After taking a few moments to make sure I had not stopped off for some rum after a hard day at the Post Office, Margie had to confess that she too had missed most of these things as well. I then began to tell her about what I have been doing and how the idea came from the book I was listening to. It is here I must tip my hat to Margie. While she also loves to learn, she is very patient and does not complain about the seemingly endless stream of audio books I have playing in the car as we travel here and there. She has even given me the gift of one of my favorite audio books A Walk in the Woods by Bill Bryson, one of my favorite authors.

Here is my suggestion for you. As you travel along today, ask yourself, “What can I find that I love on this journey?” You will be surprised at how much we miss. I have found new restaurants I would like to try, stores I would like to shop at and even a nature trail I would like to hike on. I would love to hear your results in the comments below.

HOW A HICCUP HELPED MY WRITING

As an author, this statement in the picture is true far more often than I care for it to be. This evening is a fine example. Sitting at Starbucks trying to begin the final stretch in what seems to be the never-ending book, I was drawing a blank. Deciding on trying my hand at self-editing, which will hopefully allow the publisher to return the manuscript back to me with less red than black, I found myself struggling to stay awake.

There must be a special place in heaven for editors. I enjoying coming up with content that is not only useful, but hopefully somewhat entertaining. Spelling all of the words I am using correctly, not so much. Doing this for almost an hour, my brain had reached its breaking point.

Why can’t I seem to break through this wall between my great ideas and my keyboard? It seemed the more I tried, the higher the wall became. Then it happened. An unlikely event that would get me back on track. A hiccup. One of the two ladies sitting across from me developed the hiccups. Something that can certainly draw attention to yourself in a public setting. I glanced up, partly to make sure the lady was ok and mostly because it happened to be one of the most unique hiccups I have ever heard. The young lady excused herself fearing she may have disturbed me. Little did she know I was disturbed already. I assured her it did not phase me.

A few moments later her and the lady sitting next to her were sharing a snack. To say their opinions on the quality of the snack differed would be an extreme understatement. The second lady smiled and compared the flavor to dried cranberries. The first lady, the one with the hiccups grabbed her water in a vain attempt to wash whatever flavor still remained of the bite she had consumed. This drew the amusement of the second lady and laughter quickly ensued. Then they both apologized fearing they had broke my concentration.

Glad to be distracted from the task of editing, and always happy to share what I am working on, I explained what I was doing. They inquired as to what kind of books I write. A brief, but pleasant discussion on the topic of self-improvement occurred and we all went back to the tasks in which we were previously engaged.

That little break, and short conversation seemed to open a small crack in the wall. Newly inspired I approached the refinement of my literary work with a far less stressful demeanor. When you look for and appreciate everything in life, it all becomes a blessing. Even something as simple as a hiccup can create a feeling of gratitude.

Next time you find yourself creatively frustrated, take a step back. Laugh a little. Perhaps even reminding yourself why you are doing what you are currently working on will refresh you and give you a new sense of purpose.

THE POWER YOU UNLEASH

Above are pictures of water molecules after being exposed to certain emotions. They are part of ground-breaking research done by Dr. Masaru Emoto. If you have a few minutes, I definitely recommend reading a little of his research.

To bring you up to speed on a nutshell, Dr. Emoto subjected vials of water to human emotions both positive and negative. The results are what you see above. That is pretty interesting. Then he gathered a group of people and did the same for the largest fresh water lake in Japan. The results? The same as above. That is very interesting. For his third experiment her gathered an even larger group of people and had them send out love to all the lakes around the world. When samples were taken at that moment by people stationed around the globe. The results? You guessed it same as above. How interesting is that?

You may be thinking, “Cool water experiment Neil. I get it, bad vibes make water bad, good vibes make it good, who cares?” If our thoughts can have that effect on water, even halfway around the globe, what do you think it will do to the human body which, as you may know, is about 60% water? Here is something even more intense, the brain 73% water. The lungs? 83% water. What happens when we get stressed or have an argument with someone? Headaches? Shortness of breath?

The good news is it works the opposite way. What to help a friend feel Better? Sending them love can really make a difference, and now you have scientific proof!

ONE OF MY FAVORITE THOUGHTS

This is one of those thoughts that would be worth printing out and hanging up somewhere. Using the law of physics to explain how something cannot bother you unless it gets inside you is very helpful.

Whether it is an unpleasant coworker, the evening news or any other circumstances that we face, it is important to realize their effect on us is also determined by us. It used to be when I would see or hear something that goes against something I passionately believe in, I would find myself growing ever so upset. It was like a volcano with the lava slowly working its way to the surface. At some point it would have to erupt. That could have been in a discussion with a friend, or even an online post. I realized I had become one of those people. You know the ones, the kind that end up speaking in a very loud voice about some injustice they see in the world. The problem with that is two-fold. First, the person you are venting to can rarely, if ever, do anything other than commiserate with you on the same subject. The second problem is what those feelings do to you. Let us look at a quote to meditate on.

“Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one getting burned” – Buddha

Let us think about that for a moment. Take the recent political climate and the anger and division it has fostered. If we go around complaining about politicians without doing anything else, only one thing will change. We will feel terrible, dismayed for the future and could possibly end up physically ill. Instead, if we focus on doing whatever small part we can to foster a solution, even something little as saying ‘hello’ to a stranger who is different from us, we will not only not let the anger affect us negatively, but we will be a part of the solution and not the problem.

How did I manage to turn my own situation around? By seeing the challenges as opportunities. Sounds kind of cliche, but it is true. As an author and motivational speaker specializing in happiness and stress reduction when I see someone stressed out and unhappy I have two choices. I can see that as a sign the world is negative and give up, or I can see it as an opportunity to help and that there is still a need for my services and a chance for me to help someone improve their life.

Just as the ship uses the water, that could sink it, to propel it forward. It uses something that could bring it down, and by virtue of not allowing it to get inside of it, literally rises above it. A lesson we could all use.

WAKE UP WITH A PURPOSE!

As we look forward to the conning spring and fresh beginnings, it is important to look at how we begin each and every day. Below you will find a link to a video I did a while back. It shows why waking up with a purpose is so important. Take just a few minutes to watch this video

CLICK HERE TO SEE WHY YOU DON’T WANT TO WAKE UP IN NEUTRAL

IT IS LEARNED

Every time I witness racism my first thought is, “You have to be kidding me!” In this day and age of social media, the internet and people living closer than ever, if you can’t see there is good in bad in every group of people, the problem is with you, not them.

The funny thing about racism, or any prejudice for that matter, is you are the one who ends up losing. Can you imagine never trying any Italian food because you once had a bad slice of pizza? To put it in a language Margie can understand, can you imagine never eating Mexican food because you had one bad taco?

This is not a rant or some political or social post. It is a touching story that Margie and I witnessed on Valentine’s day. It showed us an example of a pure and innocent kind of love.

While enjoying our special Valentine’s day dinner, Margie pointed out a cute baby she saw. I nodded and continued eating which is why I look like I am expecting a baby. This baby belonged you a young African American couple.

Only a few minutes later a Caucasian toddler about 2 or 3 who was sitting across the aisle from this couple with her grandparents, climbed down from her chair and walked over to the young couple and held out her little stuffed Pepa pig toy for the young baby.

This little girl not only was sweet enough to think this baby may enjoy her toy, but was blind to the fact they were different in any way. It was a touching reminder we are born with pure hearts and love for each other.

YOU CAN’T, OR YOU WON’T?

Earlier this week we talked about the person looking back at us in the mirror and how we can decide who that person is. How can we change from someone who sleeps in to someone who goes to the gym five days a week when we are ‘not a morning person’? Better yet, how can you decide to be a morning person when you just really are not a morning person? Leverage.

What do I mean by leverage? One way of looking at this is putting pressure on yourself. This may sound like a terrible idea to some. Being under pressure is generally not a good feeling for most. If we want to change, however, it can be a great tool. Hate cleaning the house? How much can you get done when you discover you are having an unexpected visitor in a little while? If we want to make a change we cannot rely on our willpower alone. After all, if it were that easy we would have made the change already.

How does one get leverage on oneself? One way is to make it imperative. In the above example of you saying, “I would love to go to the gym 6 o’clock in the morning, but I am just not a morning person.” What if I told you every morning you show up before work I am going to give you $5000? Where would you be tomorrow before work? Where would you be at 5:59a.m.? What has changed? It was what became important. What you need to do is find reasons that what you are trying to accomplish is important to you. To this end I suggest using two methods. What pleasure you will receive by doing it and what pain you will experience by not doing it. Then have those reminders in front of you…daily! Don’t like how you look in the mirror? Take a picture and look at it every morning. Being happy with your appearance may get you to the gym. If being that extreme isn’t comfortable, try hanging up an outfit you would really like to fit in. Keep that in front of you daily. Maybe try it on of few times a week.

We touched on the other thing that can keep us from succeeding, and that is our personal identity. How many times have you told yourself, “I am not a morning person?” How many times have you said it to others? That is why our list of who we wish to become is so important. Reading out loud twice a day “I am a morning person!” will slowly get you moving in the right direction. This will not happen overnight. Your identity has been created over years, maybe even decades of beliefs and saying and doing the same things over and over again. Try telling yourself a new story for 60 or even 30 days and see what changes.

Get leverage on yourself. Make the change you desire to make important. Change the story you tell yourself and others and you will be amazed at what kind of changes show up in your life. It will seem like magic!

DEAR VALENTINE, I LOVE YOUR…

Today we celebrate Valentine’s day. It is, traditionally, a day to express love to that special someone in your life. As anyone who reads this website would know, I advocate doing so everyday of the year, but it is nice to have a day that is dedicated to love. Some of you may dismiss this as a ‘Hallmark holiday’, and if you only express love once a year and make this day all about buying cards and gifts, then I suppose you are correct.
To me, however, having a day set aside to remember love is a great thing in this busy world. To that end, we are going to discuss one of the greatest gifts you can give your Valentine, or anyone for that matter. You can give this gift not only today, but each and every day you want to spread love. That gift is a genuine and sincere compliment. It is my opinion the best compliments involve something the person truly did. This is where a lot of my gender goes wrong. Telling a lady she has beautiful eyes, or a nice smile is great, but they have little control over those with the exception of how often they show that amazing smile.
Now, if you were to compliment your lady on how well the outfit she picked out for your special evening looks, or what a great job she does applying her make-up, that is something she did. It was her effort and skill that made it possible. It also shows the thought you put in and the fact you appreciate her. Thus, it is almost as if you are giving her several gifts all at once.

Speaking of appreciation, that is the next great place to go for expressing a genuine compliment. Above is a picture of my valentine, my lovely Margie. There are so many amazing things she does that make me love her that no Valentine’s day would be complete without letting her know they do not go unappreciated. In addition to telling her some of those tonight, I am going to share a few here with you. She works very hard. Not only does this allow us to have a house in which we can love, but it gives me a woman I can be very proud of. On the other side of the coin, she is silly. I cannot tell you the times she will send me silly pictures, or I come home to find the silliest things going on. I often just shake my head and say to myself “That is my baby.” Recently, she told me she thought I did not really appreciate that about her. What a wake up call. Those pictures, those silly memories keep a smile on my face each and every day as my co-workers at the Postal Service can attest to.

I urge you today to begin a practice of slowing down, noticing and appreciating out loud to your partner the things they do to make your life special. This not only holds true with romantic partners, but friends, family and others we love. There is no greater gift than to feel appreciated for who you are and what you do.

Let us not treat this as a Hallmark holiday, but a reminder to refresh our practices of love that we share in our life. Love is one of the few gifts that can be as good for the sender as well as the receiver. Take today to think of more ways you can express love. Start with the two we mentioned here and feel free to share your ideas with our readers in the comments below.