Tag: Friendship

YOU CANNOT AFFORD TO BE AROUND THESE PEOPLE

Becoming the best version of ourselves is difficult. There is the task of finding the information, tools and strategies that will give us the best results. That is a uniquely personal experience. As with most things in life, what works for one person may not work for the next. Once we have that knowledge, we need both the motivation and self-discipline to put it into action or we may as well remain ignorant. Add to this the voice inside our heads reminding us of all our past failures and cautioning us against anything that will take us out of our comfort zone. Are you aware that roughly 80% of our self-talk is negative? That certainly makes our self-improvement journey a lot more difficult. I tell you this because I have worked through all of this.

Keeping all of this in mind, there is one thing we can ill-afford to do. That is to surround ourselves with people who view our growth as their competition. There are many reasons why people may think this way. Not all of them are malicious. Yes, there are those who do not want you to look better than them. This can be ego. It can be vanity. It can even be for economic or sociological gain. They may want to look better in front of the boss. They could want to look like the best in a social circle. The first rule in dealing with these people can be summed up in 2 words – let them. Trying to convince others of your importance is seldom a good use of time or energy. You would be better served putting that energy into actually making yourself better.

Not all of these folks operate out of malice. For some, your growth can be competition with their fragile ego or hidden insecurities. “If he makes more money, he will be too good to hang around with me anymore.” or “If she focuses on fitness, she will not want to date someone like me.” These folks view your growth as competition for their place in your life. Ideally, these people should use that insecurity as motivation to improve themselves. They should be celebrating any success of their friends. We all know that it does not always work this way.

You can offer reassurance and encouragement to some degree. If that doesn’t work, it may be time to limit your exposure to them. You face enough obstacles to becoming the best version of yourself. You do not need another one. You could always circle back to the relationship after you reach a certain level of growth, but chances are, you may not want to. Anyone who views your growth as their competition can derail your success where they do so with malice, with fear, with insecurity or any other reason. You cannot afford to let that happen. Surround yourself with people who both encourage you as well as celebrate with you.

WHAT SPARK ARE YOU GRATEFUL FOR?

Yesterday we talked about hope and the importance it plays in an amazing life. Today we are going to ask ourselves another question. That question is “what spark are you grateful for?” Sometimes what is needed in life is the catalyst to ignite the fire of passion that is often extinguished by the daily grind.

That spark can be a place that you find peace and tranquility. It can be a fun activity that makes you forget your troubles for a while. We have been discussing the fact that I have been enjoying the Wisconsin State Fair. It is this joyous event in which I was reminded of another spark in life.

The photo you saw at the beginning of this post was Kathy and Tony. Two amazing people. One amazing couple. I was blessed to know them both when Tony was my dentist. An important side note – he is also the most talented dental wizard I have ever come across. If wanting to go to the dentist was possible, he we be the one to make it happen.

More important than his dental magic, is the fact that both Tony and Kathy are two incredible human beings. They are genuine, and have the amazing ability to demonstrate strength through vulnerability. They also seem to age in reverse. That last part has nothing to do with what we are discussing, but is an unusual fact not common in most people.

What may be the most powerful and inspiring aspect of this amazing couple is their ability to see the good in life, but even more, the good in the people they share it with. There are occasions when we need others to believe in us until such time when we can believe in ourselves.

By being able to see, and articulate the good in you, it makes you want to strive to become the best version of yourself. Case in point my interaction with Kathy and Tony the other day. They inquired about my writing, offering me encouragement. Asked about my upcoming wedding. More importantly, listening to my reply with not only attention, but genuine interest.

I walked away inspired to work even harder to be the best version of myself, and bring even more good into the world. In other words, be the kind of person Kathy and Tony think I am. Having friends like that is a spark everyone should have in their life.

THERE IS NO THIRD OPTION

Let me begin by saying this is not gender specific. It is also not just for intimate relationships. In our life, our relationships should be something that serves us. That is not to say that we should keep a “what’s on it for me?” Attitude. Still, why have someone in your life that brings nothing to the table? Worse, why have someone in your life that drains you or your energy?

Think about yourself and what you bring to the relationships in your life? Are you helpful? Are you a good listener? Do you encourage your friends? What do you bring to the relationships? If you can’t think of anything, you might want to work on that.

It can be helpful to look at the relationships you have in your life and both identify and appreciate what they add to your life. If you can’t think of anything, you might want ask why you are spending your time and energy in those relationships. Is it out of guilt? Maybe it might be time to let them go. At the very least spend more time with those who add to your life.

YOU NEVER KNOW WHEN YOU MAY NEED THEM

Life gets busy. We are working 40+ hours a week. Maybe pursuing a side hustle. Some of us are raising families. Add the stress of the world and current economy and you can see how time disappears without a trace.

One of the things that can get lost with time is effort to strengthen our relationships. Having in depth conversations with your spouse about the future. Pondering questions about life with friends. Taking time to listen to the dreams of your children and advice of your elders. These are not luxuries of life. They are requirements.

You never know when you will be required to have that depth of closeness that life requires. It could be traversing the depths of grief. Having someone to confide in. It could even be feeling comfortable enough to ask for toilet paper at your most vulnerable time. Take the time to foster and grow your relationships. You never know when you will need them!

YOU WILL MISS THIS WHEN IT IS GONE

How many times do we plan a great moment to create memories? It could be a vacation to a wonderful destination. Perhaps a family reunion or high school reunion? These are great to capture what could be once in a lifetime moments. When you are facing what could be your last moments, these are not what you will miss the most.

As many of you know, I had a moment facing serious open-heart surgery. When pondering the fact that my days may be numbered, what was I thinking about? It was not the grand moments carefully planned and coordinated. It was not one last vacation or getaway.

What really captured my heart was the little things. Those moments that we all take for granted. Coffee on the porch with a loved one. Get together with a friend for lunch or a coffee. A little walk in the woods and conversation. These are the moments that make life so sweet.

By all means continue to plan and create grand memories. As you do so, do not forget to relish all of those seemingly insignificant moments. When you look back on your life, those will be the moments you wish you had more of.

A WORLD OF POSSIBILITIES

Last post we spoke about how a simple change of mind can radically transform your life. Todays, post is an example of that. Here is a thought that sheds a new light in a way to look at an old idea. Friendship. We can look at friendship as the blessing it is. We can look at our friends and family as a sort of network, and that is true. Have you ever considered that people in your life are a connection to an entire different world? It is true! Let us shift this and think of ourselves for a second. Think of an average day in your life. What time you wake up. Where do you wake up? Who, if anyone, do you wake up with? Do you go to a job or take care of a household? Do you travel or work from home? Then there are all of the personal questions. Do you start your day with water, coffee or tea? What are your morning rituals? Do you even have any? Who are the people you deal with every morning?

Think of your closest friends. Their day no doubt, starts different from yours. Chances are they do not live in the same house as you. They might not even work at the same job. How about someone in a different area of the country? They might wake up to different weather or at a different time. Now if we expand that out to a different country, what is life like for that person? They, more than likely, eat a different breakfast. Their commute looks different. Customs and routines are different. It is like an entirely different world. This brings with it several good points to consider.

Everyone we come in contact with, both friends and strangers, live an entirely different world than us. Even if they live in the same city. They have grown up differently. They have had different experiences. I think we can all agree on that. Which should give us a little more compassion and understanding when it comes to those we share our world with. In addition, this should be exciting. When you interact with someone, you are getting a glimpse into an entirely different world! It is like traveling to a different universe without leaving earth. Their experiences, the people the do and the thoughts they think are unique to them. We should not only seek to understand that difference, but relish in the opportunity to experience it! Have you ever thought of friendship in this way?

IT CAN STILL HAPPEN!

Look at the two gentleman in this photo. One is myself, one is my good friend Montell. Ok, there is also a guy unwillingly photobombing in the back, but let us focus on the two up front. Montell is wearing a Chicago Cubs baseball team hat. I am wearing a Milwaukee Brewers jersey. As this post is published, they are playing against each other in the baseball playoffs. It is a great team rivalry. I am also wearing a Green Bay Packers hat. The local football team. Montell is a big fan of their rival, the Chicago Bears. We are of different nationalities and have different skin colors. If I were to think a little harder, I am sure there are other differences that could be pointed out between us.

Why am I pointing out these obvious facts? Let me answer that by sharing one more fact with you. If you were to ask me to tell you about Montell, what would follow might take a while. None of it would consist of what I told you in the paragraph above. What I would tell you is that he is an amazing father, a great husband to his wife Tanya, a great friend, a compassionate understanding fellow to strangers he meets and one charismatic and talented entertainment with the microphone in his hand. There are more great things I could tell you, but I will just conclude by telling you that he is someone I hold in high regard.

I also forgot to mention that we drink the same kind of beer. It so impresses people that it is now the number one selling beer in the country. The second part of that statement is true, not sure if it has anything to do with Montell and me, other than our purchases of it. What is the point of the fact that I hold someone who shares so many differences with me, some like the sports teams could be opposite, in such high regard? It is the fact that it is possible. Those in political power would have us believe that Montell and I should not like each other. At the very least, that I should not hold him in such high regard. This has to be one of the stupidest trains of thought.

You might want to sit down because I am about to tell you something that just might blow your mind. Two people can have different, often conflicting, beliefs and opinions and still respect each other and hold each other in high regard. This should not be news worthy. With the demonization of political rivals, people of different races or that come from different places, we seem to be regressing. This was a popular sentiment in 1930’s Germany. It did not end well. It is up to us to not fall for such ‘black or white’ ‘us verses them’ mentality. There is a great truth in the cliche of “Divide and conquer.” By turning us against each other, we are easier to control and manipulate. If you find yourself a part of such a group, or following a person who actively promotes hating someone different than you, work to get out of it. We will touch on how to do that a little more in tomorrow’s post.

When I think what a great friend and person in Montell that I would have lost out in knowing, I can’t help but pity those who fall for such division. Yes, I did say “fall for”. You cannot lump all people of a certain category, whether that is race or astrological sign, together. Each person is an individual and has their own story and set of experiences. My grandfather used to tell me, if you hate someone, you just do not know enough about them. You will never convince me to hate an entire group of people. Not only am I not foolish enough to believe that an entire group of people have no good people in them. Nor am I foolish enough to believe that someone is less than, or that I have to hate them simply because they belong to a different political party, have a different color of skin or are different than me in any other way. I encourage you to come back tomorrow to learn more about reclaiming a peaceful and loving world.

A PARTY 50 YEARS IN THE MAKING!

This weekend, my beautiful lady threw me a birthday party for my 50th birthday. There were plenty of people, lots of great food and sadly a thunderstorm as well. Here is the crazy thing. Everyone was having such a great time the only picture I got was with my friend Jenny as seen above.

It was oddly refreshing that everyone was focused not only on staying dry, but on enjoying the moment. I was so grateful for all of the wonderful memories that were created. It is a day that I will keep in my heart as long as I live. I can’t wait to see what my 100th birthday party will be like. It is my sincere wish all the people who were at this one will be there too.

The amount of gratitude I feel for everyone who braved the storm to show me they care means more than I can convey. The conversations and connections are the greatest gifts! It is my sincere wish you are all so blessed as I was this weekend!

Special thanks to my beautiful lady and her daughter for making it all happen and giving me a day I’ll never forget!

ONE OF OUR OWN 🏆

This is Tanya, a dear friend of Margie and me. She is currently in the city of Las Vegas at a singing championship. She was the winner of the state and now will be taking on the country. In our small group of friends, which can be more like a family, we cheer each other on.

Actually, it is more than that. When one of us wins, we all win. With Tanya‘s state championship, we were so proud it felt like we all won. To us, because she won it felt like a part of us did too. I know not only Margie and I, but her charming and talented husband Montel and all of our group will be cheering her on. When she finally returns it will be as a winner. This will be true no matter how the competition goes. For all of us, she will be our champion. We could not think of a better example of not only talent, but a great human being, to represent us!

When someone you care about achieves a great accomplishment, you should celebrate as if it was your own. When someone means a lot to you their wins should feel like a little bit of you won too. As far as Tanya is concerned, a little bit of all of us went to Las Vegas with her. We are proud of how far she has come and excited to see how far she will go!

HAVE A REASON FOR CONTACT 🤝

Have you ever stopped to think of the purpose of the interactions you have with people? Like meeting a friend for coffee. Was the point to vent about your crummy job and car that is constantly braking down? How about that dinner with your spouse? The other night Margie and I were having dinner when we noticed a couple across the restaurant. The entire time they were out together, he was on his phone and she was reading a book. They scarcely knew each other was there.

I’m not saying we need a minute by minute plan for every personal interaction. Some organic development is what keeps life interesting. I’m reminded of a new project in working on with a friend of mine. We have a framework of what we would like to accomplish, but leave room for some magic to happen.

Life is much like that. When meeting a friend, think to yourself “While we are having coffee, I’d really like to make each other laugh.” Before heading out for that romantic dinner with your spouse, maybe plan to share how much they mean to you while enjoying a delicious meal. Have a positive purpose in your interactions. It will help you have an even more amazing life.