How many times do we plan a great moment to create memories? It could be a vacation to a wonderful destination. Perhaps a family reunion or high school reunion? These are great to capture what could be once in a lifetime moments. When you are facing what could be your last moments, these are not what you will miss the most.
As many of you know, I had a moment facing serious open-heart surgery. When pondering the fact that my days may be numbered, what was I thinking about?It was not the grand moments carefully planned and coordinated. It was not one last vacation or getaway.
What really captured my heart was the little things. Those moments that we all take for granted. Coffee on the porch with a loved one. Get together with a friend for lunch or a coffee. A little walk in the woods and conversation. These are the moments that make life so sweet.
By all means continue to plan and create grand memories. As you do so, do not forget to relish all of those seemingly insignificant moments. When you look back on your life, those will be the moments you wish you had more of.
Last post we spoke about how a simple change of mind can radically transform your life. Todays, post is an example of that. Here is a thought that sheds a new light in a way to look at an old idea. Friendship. We can look at friendship as the blessing it is. We can look at our friends and family as a sort of network, and that is true. Have you ever considered that people in your life are a connection to an entire different world? It is true! Let us shift this and think of ourselves for a second. Think of an average day in your life. What time you wake up. Where do you wake up? Who, if anyone, do you wake up with? Do you go to a job or take care of a household? Do you travel or work from home? Then there are all of the personal questions. Do you start your day with water, coffee or tea? What are your morning rituals? Do you even have any? Who are the people you deal with every morning?
Think of your closest friends. Their day no doubt, starts different from yours. Chances are they do not live in the same house as you. They might not even work at the same job. How about someone in a different area of the country? They might wake up to different weather or at a different time. Now if we expand that out to a different country, what is life like for that person? They, more than likely, eat a different breakfast. Their commute looks different. Customs and routines are different. It is like an entirely different world. This brings with it several good points to consider.
Everyone we come in contact with, both friends and strangers, live an entirely different world than us. Even if they live in the same city. They have grown up differently. They have had different experiences. I think we can all agree on that. Which should give us a little more compassion and understanding when it comes to those we share our world with. In addition, this should be exciting. When you interact with someone, you are getting a glimpse into an entirely different world! It is like traveling to a different universe without leaving earth. Their experiences, the people the do and the thoughts they think are unique to them. We should not only seek to understand that difference, but relish in the opportunity to experience it! Have you ever thought of friendship in this way?
Look at the two gentleman in this photo. One is myself, one is my good friend Montell. Ok, there is also a guy unwillingly photobombing in the back, but let us focus on the two up front. Montell is wearing a Chicago Cubs baseball team hat. I am wearing a Milwaukee Brewers jersey. As this post is published, they are playing against each other in the baseball playoffs. It is a great team rivalry. I am also wearing a Green Bay Packers hat. The local football team. Montell is a big fan of their rival, the Chicago Bears. We are of different nationalities and have different skin colors. If I were to think a little harder, I am sure there are other differences that could be pointed out between us.
Why am I pointing out these obvious facts? Let me answer that by sharing one more fact with you. If you were to ask me to tell you about Montell, what would follow might take a while. None of it would consist of what I told you in the paragraph above. What I would tell you is that he is an amazing father, a great husband to his wife Tanya, a great friend, a compassionate understanding fellow to strangers he meets and one charismatic and talented entertainment with the microphone in his hand. There are more great things I could tell you, but I will just conclude by telling you that he is someone I hold in high regard.
I also forgot to mention that we drink the same kind of beer. It so impresses people that it is now the number one selling beer in the country. The second part of that statement is true, not sure if it has anything to do with Montell and me, other than our purchases of it. What is the point of the fact that I hold someone who shares so many differences with me, some like the sports teams could be opposite, in such high regard? It is the fact that it is possible. Those in political power would have us believe that Montell and I should not like each other. At the very least, that I should not hold him in such high regard. This has to be one of the stupidest trains of thought.
You might want to sit down because I am about to tell you something that just might blow your mind. Two people can have different, often conflicting, beliefs and opinions and still respect each other and hold each other in high regard. This should not be news worthy. With the demonization of political rivals, people of different races or that come from different places, we seem to be regressing. This was a popular sentiment in 1930’s Germany. It did not end well. It is up to us to not fall for such ‘black or white’ ‘us verses them’ mentality. There is a great truth in the cliche of “Divide and conquer.” By turning us against each other, we are easier to control and manipulate. If you find yourself a part of such a group, or following a person who actively promotes hating someone different than you, work to get out of it. We will touch on how to do that a little more in tomorrow’s post.
When I think what a great friend and person in Montell that I would have lost out in knowing, I can’t help but pity those who fall for such division. Yes, I did say “fall for”. You cannot lump all people of a certain category, whether that is race or astrological sign, together. Each person is an individual and has their own story and set of experiences. My grandfather used to tell me, if you hate someone, you just do not know enough about them. You will never convince me to hate an entire group of people. Not only am I not foolish enough to believe that an entire group of people have no good people in them. Nor am I foolish enough to believe that someone is less than, or that I have to hate them simply because they belong to a different political party, have a different color of skin or are different than me in any other way. I encourage you to come back tomorrow to learn more about reclaiming a peaceful and loving world.
This weekend, my beautiful lady threw me a birthday party for my 50th birthday. There were plenty of people, lots of great food and sadly a thunderstorm as well. Here is the crazy thing. Everyone was having such a great time the only picture I got was with my friend Jenny as seen above.
It was oddly refreshing that everyone was focused not only on staying dry, but on enjoying the moment. I was so grateful for all of the wonderful memories that were created. It is a day that I will keep in my heart as long as I live. I can’t wait to see what my 100th birthday party will be like. It is my sincere wish all the people who were at this one will be there too.
The amount of gratitude I feel for everyone who braved the storm to show me they care means more than I can convey. The conversations and connections are the greatest gifts! It is my sincere wish you are all so blessed as I was this weekend!
Special thanks to my beautiful lady and her daughter for making it all happen and giving me a day I’ll never forget!
This is Tanya, a dear friend of Margie and me. She is currently in the city of Las Vegas at a singing championship. She was the winner of the state and now will be taking on the country. In our small group of friends, which can be more like a family, we cheer each other on.
Actually, it is more than that. When one of us wins, we all win. With Tanya‘s state championship, we were so proud it felt like we all won. To us, because she won it felt like a part of us did too. I know not only Margie and I,but her charming and talented husband Montel and all of our group will be cheering her on. When she finally returns it will be as a winner. This will be true no matter how the competition goes. For all of us, she will be our champion. We could not think of a better example of not only talent, but a great human being, to represent us!
When someone you care about achieves a great accomplishment, you should celebrate as if it was your own. When someone means a lot to you their wins should feel like a little bit of you won too. As far as Tanya is concerned, a little bit of all of us went to Las Vegas with her. We are proud of how far she has come and excited to see how far she will go!
Have you ever stopped to think of the purpose of the interactions you have with people? Like meeting a friend for coffee. Was the point to vent about your crummy job and car that is constantly braking down? How about that dinner with your spouse? The other night Margie and I were having dinner when we noticed a couple across the restaurant. The entire time they were out together, he was on his phone and she was reading a book. They scarcely knew each other was there.
I’m not saying we need a minute by minute plan for every personal interaction. Some organic development is what keeps life interesting. I’m reminded of a new project in working on with a friend of mine. We have a framework of what we would like to accomplish, but leave room for some magic to happen.
Life is much like that. When meeting a friend, think to yourself “While we are having coffee, I’d really like to make each other laugh.” Before heading out for that romantic dinner with your spouse, maybe plan to share how much they mean to you while enjoying a delicious meal. Have a positive purpose in your interactions. It will help you have an even more amazing life.
You never know how much you are loved. Rarely do people convey how much you mean to them. Let us be the change makers in that. Tell people how much they mean to you and why. Then, watch them light up and your relationship with them grow closer. It is these actions that will allow us to change the world in a positive way!
By now everyone should know that I am a big fan of Mr. Rogers. This quote is a great example why. If you were to stop and think about it, the quality of our life is the quality of our relationships. Think of how much your life is turned upside down when there is a level of discord with someone you care about. On the opposite side, when your relationships are going strong, life is all but unstoppable. Think of when you first fall in love. Nothing seems to bother you or is able to bring you down. There is more on how to maintain that feeling in my upcoming book.
This post is about the blessing that Margie and I have about discovering and maintaining some amazing relationships. This post is actually about one of those relationships in particular. During our time as DJs, we meet a wide array of people. Being the setting that takes place in, most of those relationships do not go much beyond that interaction. Lately, there are, as we are fortunate to have, relationships that blossom into more. People that life puts in your path at the right time and for the right reasons. This is about two of those people – Tanya and Montell.
My only recollection of the first time they came to one of our shows was Margie asking them, “Can we keep you?” Not only are they both very talented singers, but we could just tell they were amazing people as well. Little did we know how right you are. Let us start with Tanya, as it is always gentlemanly to let the lady go first. Tanya has a voice that just won’t quit. It is powerful but full of soul and emotion. Everyone gets excited when she walks in because they know that they are in for a great performance. Being a phenomenal singer is one thing, but in my estimation, that is not the best thing about Tanya.
They were kind enough to invite us over to their house to celebrate Labor Day with them last year. Tanya was the perfect hostess. Their family and friends they had over were all so kind and welcoming. One of the things that we enjoy most about Tanya is the way she can share a story. She uses the perfect blend of honesty and emotion. Her sense of humor and laughter is contagious. In a world where people can show you the side of themselves they think you want to see, Tanya is brave enough to show you her true self. That is so refreshing. She also encourages everyone around her. With her talent it could be tempting to look down on those who may struggle to carry a tune in a bucket. Not Tanya. She encourages them, sings with them and makes them feel welcome, like they belong.
Reading the words above, you might find yourself saying, “That Tanya sure sounds like an amazing woman.” You would be right. It might even be intimidating to be with such an amazing lady, if you were not equally as amazing. That leads us to Tanya’s husband, and I am honored to say our friend, Montell. Let us begin by discussing his ability in the vocal arena. Montell can sing just about any genre. Not only can he do it, but he does it extremely well. More than just vocals, he gets everyone involved. If you are not having a good time while he is singing, he will encourage you until you do. Trust me when I tell you with his enthusiasm and energy, it is very difficult to not be in an amazing mood. Much like his wife, people get excited when they see Montell walk in because they know he is going to lift their spirits.
If I had to pick one word to describe Montell, it would be generous. For simple starters, every time I see this young man, he offers me a beer. We happen to drink the same beer. The fact that he remembered that and brings me over one is very kind indeed. That is not the sole reason that I choose that word for this gentleman. I mentioned earlier how they were kind enough to invite Margie and I over. His generosity with sharing his talent when it comes to preparing amazing food still has my mouth watering when I think of it. On the microphone and in the kitchen are not the only two places this man is both talented and generous. Montell is also one of the kindest and most compassionate men that I have met in a very long time. You can see the care he exhibits toward everyone he meets. What’s more, is that when you talk to Montell you can just tell you are really being heard. In a world where everyone is trying to be heard, having someone who can truly listen is a gift beyond words. He is a kind soul, an example of what a good man should be. It would be a crime not to mention he is one of the most fashionable gents I know as well!
Margie and I are so blessed to know this loving and fabulous couple. They are great singers and performers, that is true. What is more important to us is they are also great parents to their children, great lovers to each other, great friends to all they meet, but most importantly, they are great people that the world needs more of. Today also is Montell’s birthday so Margie and I would like to send a special message of good wishes and good health on his special day. I share this story with you to both show you there still are amazing people in the world and to remind you to count your blessings of true friends. It is a gift not everyone experiences. Margie and I certainly count ourselves blessed that we know Tanya and Montell.
Fred Rogers is one of my favorite sources of inspiration. Many of you know that already. I have never heard this quote before, but it only serves as an example of why I enjoy the man’s ideas so much. Think of all the people you have met that have made a difference in your life. This even holds true for people you have reconnected with after a long time. They can add so much joy into your life and help you grow and discover new things about yourself you have never known.
Margie and I DJ every Sunday. It is not my favorite thing to do as I am not really a bar person and work early Monday morning. However, we have met and became friends with some wonderful people. There are great couples like Ron and Deb, Montell and Tanya, Rise and Ron and Chris and Nicci. This is but a mere sample of them. We have become good friends with the bartender Kelly. There is an older gentle who goes by Melvis that always puts a smile on our faces. Our friend Sara is so generous with her kindness and help we always appreciate her. So many people that do sweet things for us and with us that if I mentioned them all it would take several posts.
This is just one example of an area in which we have made lasting connections. In my day job working for the Postal Service, I have made wonderful connections at each location I have worked at. Some of which we still gather with on federal holidays for lunch. I have friends from childhood. My friend Matt I have known since we were 7. A few years back, I reconnected with my friend Kevin who I have been friends with since we were both 4! Even Jenny, my friend who cuts my hair, I have been friends with for over 3 decades. Each one of these people has made my life a blessing and helped me discover some new and wonderful things about myself.
There are the unexpected connections that can have the greatest impact. While I was working as a bartender I was connected with this amazing lady. Not only have we been blissfully in love for 10 years, but we are going to get married in the hopefully not too distant future. You never know when a connection will transform your life and send it in a completely different direction. Be grateful for all of your connections. If treated and fostered correctly, they are what make life feel like heaven.
This post was inspired during the amazing dinner that Margie and my mother put together to help celebrate 1000 blogs on this site. Our good friend, Ron Perez, looked around the table and told me something that in its simplicity, was yet profound. He said, “Neil, all you need is good friends and good food.” He was right. I could not have been happier than I was that night. No amount of fame or fortune could have done it. No amount of monetary reward. People often trip over some of the greatest treasure on their way to look for it.
Having a good group of friends and being able to share some good food, is something far too many of us in the world are not able to do. In fact, having a strong social circle and good friends is one of the most determining factors in longevity. This according to the Blue Zone book that examined the lives of the longest living people and what they had in common. Mr. Perez’s statement was quite the wise one and backed up by science.
Many folks spend a great deal of their time and energy investing in obtaining wealth and prestige. If you were to obtain such things and sacrifice your relationships to do so, you would still be poor. Something about friends – money cannot buy true ones. It is something that has to be fostered and grown with time. It takes trust, honesty, love, compassion and many other things that money or fame could not buy. On the opposite end of the spectrum, if you lack money but still have a great deal of true friends, you are wealthier than you can imagine. Not only are they able to help you, be that financial or connecting you to opportunities, but they will encourage and support you emotionally.
I am still reeling from the outpouring of love that I received at that surprise dinner the other night. That made me feel like the wealthiest person in the world! By our definition, I believe that I am. In your life, keep it simple. Invest in the things that truly matter. Take care of those who take care of you. Spend your time and money building friendships and helping others. The payout will be far better than any winning lottery ticket you could come across. To me, my friends and family are the greatest treasure.
SECRET 2 AN AMAZING LIFE 