Tag: Self-Help

STOP WAITING FOR MIRACLES!

One simple change we can make to improve our life greatly is to switch from waiting for miracles to noticing them! This may sound a little crazy to some of you, but it really isn’t. I have experienced a brief flirtation with death after my heart surgery. Coming out of that, it really changes your perspective. Knowing your life can be gone in a fleeting second really puts things in perspective. Everything, and I mean everything, is a gift. That is why I was drawn to the quote above. It mentions the ability to love as being a miracle. We all know that to be true. Who doesn’t feel the miracle of love? This could be love for a spouse, a child, a parent, or even just a good friend. Whether you are giving or receiving love, it feels like a miracle.

Love, joy and all the other amazingly positive emotions are easy to feel like a miracle. What about when life goes in the opposite direction? How can that feel like a miracle? It is is. Look at what else this quote mentions. The ability to learn, heal and begin again. Those are all miracles. Learning can be one of the most humbling and challenging circumstances. Who likes to look foolish? That is usually the first step in learning. When the process concludes, you come out the other end as an entirely different person. One that is stronger, smarter and more resilient. That is a miracle. Healing is really a miracle. How many times in life have we felt like there was no way in which we would be able to continue? It could have been a terrible break up or divorce. Perhaps the pain of losing someone we love? It can leave us in such a dark place there can seem no way out. With the help of those who care about us, maybe a little professional help and of course time, we come out the other side. We may never be the same, but we now have an experience in life in which we can draw strength from. Healing is often an ongoing process, but each step is a miracle.

Even when our life seems like a total loss, miracles can still be found in the ability to start again. Losing a job? Filing bankruptcy? Tornado or hurricane destroy all you have worked for? The game is not over. You can start again. Often with more knowledge to create a better future. This is a miracle itself. The fact that the game does not have to end when we are faced with a great challenge and seeming end, that is a miracle. As you can see, from the positive to the negative, miracles are all around us. Switch your thinking from waiting for a miracle to noticing them and your life will become filled with miracles.

A SUCCESSFUL LIFE

The ability to be satisfied with your life as you are working to improve it develops a special inner peace that many never find. It also tends to open our eyes to opportunities that we would miss in a depressed state. This alone will add to the increased satisfaction of our life. It will have us feeling lighter knowing that there are things in our life that are going well. It is a feeling that can help balance the challenges we face.

This can all be accomplished by creating a habit of sitting down and asking ourselves, “What can I be grateful for in my life?” Yes, more benefits of being grateful. This change in attitude and perception has daily benefits. A life filled with more inner-peace has a ripple effect. It comes out in the way we treat others. Guess what happens when you treat others with more compassion and grace? You have less drama and problems in your life. That leads to more inner peace. You can see how this can go. It is careful to note it works the same way in reverse. If you are constantly focused on what is not working in your life and feeling down, you may snap at someone for little or no reason. Now you have a fractured relationship that needs attending to. One more problem that weighs on you.

Focusing primarily on what is going right is not permission to ignore all that needs fixing. Quite the opposite. It is setting yourself up in a better emotional state to handle those challenges. Give yourself the life you deserve. Treat yourself with more grace and compassion and you will be amazed at how much better your life becomes.

CHANGE 1 THING AND LIFE FEELS BETTER!

Self-improvement, personal-development or whatever term you choose to use can be a complicated affair. It need not be. Searching in your local library or bookstore the ‘self-help’ section can seem overwhelming. Where do you start? I have wrote 3 books on the matter myself. They are filled with great tools and strategies that will improve the life you are now living. If you are interested, feel free to search ‘Neil Panosian’ and pick one up. That being said, there is a simple way to begin to live a more enjoyable and fulfilling life starting right now. You need not purchase a book, seminar or anything else. All it takes is a change in mindset.

As you can see in the photo above, it is more accurately a change of focus. As humans we are programed to focus on what is wrong with our life. That can be helpful. It can also be extremely detrimental. When our focus is exclusively, or even primarily on what is wrong, we can be left feeling heavy and defeated. Life can feel like something we have to ‘make it through’. This is a terrible way to go through life. A simple shift can lighten that load and make our life more enjoyable.

Many people call this change in focus “Looking at the world through rose-colored glasses”. That is but one way to look at it. Changing our primary focus on what continues to go right in our life is not denying that there are things that need work. What it does acknowledge is that in any life, there is still plenty of things to be grateful for. Will this help you fix and improve your life? The answer is a surprising ‘Yes’. Will being grateful that you only have a flat tire and not a more expensive repair fix the tire? No it will not. What it will do, however, is keep you in a better frame of mind. It will make the effort to change the tire, or the time waiting for someone to come and do it that much more enjoyable. To that end, you will treat those who help you with more gratitude and appreciation.

8 THINGS LOVE IS AND 4 THAT IT IS NOT!

When any relationship is feeling challenged in our life, which category do we usually run to? Unfortunately for many, it is the first group. You did something to make your spouse mad? Buy them flowers. Yes, this is a nice gesture, but what about increasing the respect and trust of a relationship? That would mean so much more. A thoughtful gift is a nice thing to give, but is it worth more than commitment? Of course not.

This is even more true when we are looking to grow the relationship. Discussing goals that we have, and discovering ones we share. That is a certain way to grow the relationship. Supporting each other as you both work towards those goals increases that closeness even more. Seeing and witnessing each other’s growth is such a great feeling. Understanding and recognizing the sacrifices your partner makes in the relationship will not only make you feel grateful, but acknowledging it will do the same for your partner. True forgiveness is a gift so priceless that is cannot be overstated.

Thinking of marriage? What is more important, the ring or the commitment? The answer should be obvious. Why then, do so many of us go for the quick fix of the category above? Maybe we have never been taught the important aspects that make a relationship great? It could be that we are not willing to put in the effort we know it will take to grow the relationship. If you don’t put in maximum effort, can you really expect maximum growth? Even if you are fortunate enough to have an amazing relationship like the one I am blessed to have, looking at this list, are there ways in which you can grow it even more? Look at each word in the second category. How can you add more of that to your relationship? Yes, this will take time and energy, but the return will be a life filled with more love and joy than you can imagine. Isn’t that worth it?

NEW MANDATORY CLASSES?

To begin this, I must state that I am a supporter of those in the education system. It is my opinion that being a teacher is one of the most noble and important professions one can be involved in. Shaping the minds of future generations is a great responsibility. That being said, the public education system itself could really use an update. Graduating school knowing how to calculate the surface area of an ellipse, but not how to craft a family budget does not seem very practical. Paying taxes, time management and other daily subjects seemed to be skipped over. Yes, math and science are very important. So is knowing how to manage your health. In a world where obesity is growing at an alarming rate, why is this not more a focus?

Even more important is the issue of mental health. We live in a generation that does not often include a healthy family base. More often than not, both parents are working outside of the home to make ends meet. Men especially are not taught about the proper way to address and communicate their emotions. Issues of domestic violence and depression can find their roots in emotional disconnect. Imagine if we were taught a class on what to do with the anger we feel? How about how to communicate during a passionate disagreement? That is why I enjoyed having Mr. Rogers around as a kid. He taught children how to deal with difficult subjects such as these. Another reason that How to Win Friends and Influence People is one of my favorite books. It teaches the art of personal communication.

Many of you may be tempted to say, “That should be the parents responsibility.” In an ideal world, you would be correct. In addition to having both parents working, as mentioned above, many of these parents do not know these skills themselves. How else to break generational curses than to show the youth a new way? This is why I am always happy to hear that a young person gets one of my books or joins this community. Being able to connect and share ways to live a healthier and more fulfilling life at an early age sets people up for success. That is not to say we should limit this to the young. If you find yourself having difficulty as an adult, brushing up on some fundamentals may not be a bad idea.

Rather than blaming the way you were raised, or using it as an excuse for your poor behavior, learn that there are better ways. It does not make you any less to admit your behavior could use a little improvement. Quite the opposite. Working to become the best version of yourself means that you must admit there are some areas that are not quite there yet. It is true of all of us. Learning self-improvement and life-fulfillment skills will not only make your life better, but the world at large better too! Feel free to share this website with as many as you can. Let us learn and share life lessons as we go through this world together.

EVERY DAY YOU HAVE A CHANCE

Have you ever complained about getting older? Anyone over the age of 30 probably answered ‘yes’ to that question. It is easy to do. Our energy seems to go down and the amount of things that hurt go up. This is more a matter of perspective than anything. The fact that we are here to complain is a great blessing. Yes, that sounds like some positive thinking talk. It is the truth. I tell people “Growing old may be tough, but it is better than the alternative.”

If you were to walk through a children’s cancer ward, it may change how you look at things. Looking at these brave young souls who are facing severe health challenges before their lives even had a chance to get started. We are complaining because our knee always hurts? When you put things into that perspective it feels a little silly. Someone, somewhere, always has it worse than us. It only takes looking at life from their perspective to realize how good we have it.

Scrolling through my social media pages the other day, I realized how many friends I have lost. Many younger than I am today. Their life is over. Yes, they may not have anymore problems, but what about the experience of a tight hug from a friend or loved one after a long day? What about seeing the smile on someone’s face you have just helped? How about tasting that first sip of coffee in the morning? These are all experiences that a moments of joy in even the most challenged life. Being here allows you to experience them. If you need more, it is easy to do. Find ways to bring joy to others. You will receive more smiles and hugs for sure! Your back and body may hurt sometimes, but your soul can feel amazing! Growing old, if you live your life right, is an amazing blessing.

BEWARE OF THIS ADDICTION

Wow! This is a good one. How many of us fall into this trap? At one time or another, probably every single one of us. It gives birth to all sorts of cliches such as ” The grass is always greener on the other side.” We continually postpone our happiness. Thinking it will find us over the next horizon. The hard truth is quite the opposite. The grass is really greener where you water it. The next horizon may contain new joys, but it will also contain new challenges. That is why ‘Destination Addiction’ is so dangerous. It can be facilitated by advertising convincing us that we need the next great thing. Social Media, where we compare our challenges to other’s highlights further pushes us in the wrong direction. Thinking our life does not compare to the life of those around us.

How do we overcome Destination Addiction? By changing the question we ask ourselves daily. We spend as much as 90% of our time on the journey and only 10% at the destination. If you had the choice, which would you rather work on making happier? What is the question we should be asking ourselves to make this switch? “What can I do to find, or create happiness right now?” In every situation there is the possibility to find some sort of happiness or the opportunity to create happiness. While it is true that certain circumstances are far easier to do this in, the truth is that our intention and mindset can make every situation a possibility for joy. Even if it may be difficult to find joy for ourselves, we can have the opportunity to create for others. Guess what that would do? Seeing that you have brought joy to another makes you feel….happy! Therefore, even in the struggle, even in the challenge, there exists the possibility of joy.

Have you ever thought of life in this way? Have you ever asked yourself the question we stated above, “What can I do to find, or create happiness right now?” Personally, I can confess that I have not done it enough. That should make us happy. It means we are leaving a lot of happiness unexperienced! There is so much more joy we could discover, and more important, experience, in our life! How exciting is that thought. Try asking yourself this question at least once a day. Whether you do it when things are going well, or if you try it when things are a little tough, you will add more joy to your life. That should be reason enough to do it!

A WORLD OF POSSIBILITIES

Last post we spoke about how a simple change of mind can radically transform your life. Todays, post is an example of that. Here is a thought that sheds a new light in a way to look at an old idea. Friendship. We can look at friendship as the blessing it is. We can look at our friends and family as a sort of network, and that is true. Have you ever considered that people in your life are a connection to an entire different world? It is true! Let us shift this and think of ourselves for a second. Think of an average day in your life. What time you wake up. Where do you wake up? Who, if anyone, do you wake up with? Do you go to a job or take care of a household? Do you travel or work from home? Then there are all of the personal questions. Do you start your day with water, coffee or tea? What are your morning rituals? Do you even have any? Who are the people you deal with every morning?

Think of your closest friends. Their day no doubt, starts different from yours. Chances are they do not live in the same house as you. They might not even work at the same job. How about someone in a different area of the country? They might wake up to different weather or at a different time. Now if we expand that out to a different country, what is life like for that person? They, more than likely, eat a different breakfast. Their commute looks different. Customs and routines are different. It is like an entirely different world. This brings with it several good points to consider.

Everyone we come in contact with, both friends and strangers, live an entirely different world than us. Even if they live in the same city. They have grown up differently. They have had different experiences. I think we can all agree on that. Which should give us a little more compassion and understanding when it comes to those we share our world with. In addition, this should be exciting. When you interact with someone, you are getting a glimpse into an entirely different world! It is like traveling to a different universe without leaving earth. Their experiences, the people the do and the thoughts they think are unique to them. We should not only seek to understand that difference, but relish in the opportunity to experience it! Have you ever thought of friendship in this way?

THE BATTLE OF A LIFETIME

With Monday fast approaching, everyone is thinking of the battles they have to face. Getting up and out of bed when we would rather not. Dealing with traffic and coworkers we would much rather do without. How many of us consider the greatest battle of all; the battle against ourself? Even the previously mentioned challenges are more a battle of our perception, than our actual reality. Changing our mindset and our heart is what will change our life. That is certainly easier said than done. Fighting that battle is what will give us that amazing life we have been seeking.

On the surface I realize that this may sound a little like self-improvement mumbo jumbo, but let us pause and take a look at it. Start with having to get up early and get out of bed when we do not want to. I start work at 4am, and have to leave the most beautiful woman behind, so trust me when I tell you that I know the struggle. Here is what else I know. Four years ago I died briefly. It is with great fortune and grace that I am still here. There is not a day that goes by that I do not think about that. Another aspect to consider is that I have a job. There are so many that are hurting and looking to make ends meet. Is it the perfect job for me? Absolutely not, but it is one that allows me to pay the bills and pursue my passions of writing as well. The lovely lady that I have to leave? Each morning that I feel sad to leave her, I also am grateful she is there. Having someone you love that much in your life is a blessing. Even if you do not have a job yet, or a wonderful relationship, you do have life. The potential to improve is there every day. It can be gone in an instant. Make the most of it while it is here.

Looking at the other two items we mentioned, commute and coworkers, they also can be viewed differently and therefore felt differently. My morning journey to work is about 35 minutes give or take. That all depends on traffic and the ever present construction. In addition to the fact that I am alive to experience the commute, I think about the world we live in. There are paved roads, we have climate controlled cars and public transportation. Yes, roads can be bumpy and filled with potholes, but it sure beats dirt or no road at all. Do we all have our dream vehicle? Maybe not, but it beats having to ride on horse through rain and snow.

You may be tempted to dismiss all of this as a mere change in state of mind. It is, but that is the point. Developing this change will transform how your life feels. Can you imagine how that change of focus could affect your life? Is it easy to do? Of course not. That is why it is a battle every day. Is it worth it? It is as valuable as digging in a mine of pure gold! What are some of the ways that you can improve your mindset?

A FRIEND YOU HAVEN’T MET YET

Here is a question to ask yourself, “What are you grateful for that a stranger did for you today?” It may seem like an odd question, but give it some thought. Strangers are out there working to pave the roads for us. Strangers help us by checking out our groceries at the store and stocking the shelves. On a more personal level, a stranger may have held the door for you. Someone you don’t know may have smiled and even said “Good morning.” There are a million different things that strangers do for us every day. I am grateful for the people who are all involved in bringing this post to you. When I stop and think about it, that is a lot of people. The people involved in making my laptop. The people involved in my car that allowed me to drive to the coffee shop. Everyone at WordPress who hosts this site. The people here at the coffee shop. The ones who made the furniture I am sitting on.

As you can see, once you start pondering this, the list could truly be endless. So many people help us daily, many of whom we do not know, that our life would be near impossible without them. It is easy to complain about strangers. Asking why that person ahead of you in the brand new car does not know how to use a turn signal. Why was that person so unfriendly to you at the store? This is easy and if we do that we can quickly develop an attitude that all of humanity is bad. How do we save ourselves from developing this attitude? By focusing on what we have to be grateful for. Even the person who does not know that they have a magical lever that lets other drivers know they will be making a sudden deviation in their journey is giving us something to be grateful for. They are reminding us to use our turn signal. They are helping us practice our emotional control. They are giving us an example as to why drivers education is such an important class.

  Finding what we can be grateful for in others, namely complete strangers does not only help them, but it helps us as well. How is that? It gives us a positive attitude towards those we share our planet with. What difference does that make? Ask yourself which life is better, one where you are constantly finding reasons to be unhappy with the people around you? Being angry is not only bad for you emotionally, it will also compromise your mental and physical health as well. Studies show that prolonged anger can impair your cognitive function as well as your mental well-being and social relationships. That means you will be stupid, sad and without very many friends. Throw in cardiovascular issues and you may not have to live that angry life for long.

What happens when you continue to have an attitude of gratitude? Prolonged gratitude has been shown to reduce stress hormones such as cortisol. This helps improve sleep, immune health and heart health. It also helps neuroplasticity in the brain. That is the brain’s ability to adapt and change or learn. What this means is you will be happier, smarter and healthier. You will probably stick around for a lot longer as well. Which of these sounds like a better life to you?

A better opinion on the people you share life with will help you in so many ways. Developing that attitude can start with the simple act of finding ways to be grateful for strangers. We have discovered whether your interaction with someone is positive or negative, they are still giving you something to be grateful for. So ask yourself now, “What did a stranger do for me that I can be grateful for today?” Start with something positive, but remember even the negative can give us something to be grateful for. Do this long enough and you will develop a grateful attitude and receive all of the benefits that come with it.