Month: February 2017

HOW NOT TO GET FRUSTRATED WITH YOUR GOALS

Quite often I hear the resignation in people’s voices after not obtaining a goal. Quite simply they give up. Worse than that is people who try to justify the lack of success in achieving their goal by saying things like “Maybe it just wasn’t meant to be” or things of that nature.

While it is true in a small amount of cases what is far more likely is you may need to change your approach. I once heard Tony Robbins say something that really struck a cord with me. Ok, I have heard him say that more than once, but one that referred to what we are speaking of here. He said, “God’s delays are not always God’s denials”. Now whether you believe in a supreme being or the universe or anything else is not my business. What is interesting is the possibilities this opens up. Perhaps we are not being denied our goal, but just being delayed. Maybe something in the universe has to change to make the situation better? Perhaps there is some very important knowledge we need to obtain to make it an even greater success. Maybe our approach needs to be adjusted to find a better or more rewarding path.

This not only works with material goals, but even more so with personal situations. See if this sounds familiar. You are in a disagreement with another party and you really want to solve it but everything you try seems not to work? You could find yourself thinking “I am never going to make him/her happy”. Again, most of the time the goal of coming to a successful and peaceful resolution is not wrong or never going to happen, we just need to change our approach. Each person and each situation requires a different approach. A fair amount of the time finding the right approach is the hardest part of the struggle. You would not sooner try to run your car on cough medicine than you would drink gasoline to cure your cough. That does not mean either one is useless. They just need to be applied in the right way at the right time.

So when you feel your goal may never be reached take a step back and try to look at it from a different angle. As important as developing a determination to achieve the goal is being flexible in your approach.

When it comes to personal relationships this is even more important and more difficult to remember. Have you promised ‘until death do us part’? Then you made a determined decision. If that decision seems more like a sentence at times perhaps taking a step back and considering a new approach could be the answer. Enlisting the other person can be key. After all it is hard to just be angry at someone who asks “I just want to get back to loving. I feel what I am trying is not working. What to you think we can do to get back to love?”.

So stay determined in your goals and flexible in your approach my friends.

LIFE LESSONS FROM AN EPIC PICTURE

They say a picture is worth a thousand words. This is a pretty cool picture right? What do you see? What race are the people in the picture? What are they up to? What does all of this matter anyway?

Let me share a few facts with you about the above photo and how we can put them to good use. The picture was taken by Margie, my amazing lady. It is of my friend Travis and myself. So it is a picture of two friends. Travis is African-American, I am Native American. In this picture you cannot tell that. The point this makes is that when it comes to friendship race should not matter. When I look at my friends this is a very accurate version of what I see, no attention to color.

What are we up to? This was taken backstage before what was to be my very first seminar. If you see the look of contemplation it is because we were both about to speak and were a little nervous and going through what we were about to do in our heads. What this makes me think of is that when we are along in the darkness of our own minds focusing on what we have to do, quite often we have the company and support of our friends. I recall the moments before and after this picture was taken you could hear a pin drop. Totally silent. Still, in that moment a bond was being formed and strengthened for what was to happen next.

What did happen next could not have been predicted by any of the three people there. The lady in charge of the venue had a complete meltdown and threw all of our stuff on the street. This happened even as people were beginning to show up for the seminar. It was a very stressful time. Not only did I have to focus on delivering the contents of my seminar for the very first time, but suddenly I had to find a new venue and convince and inform all of the people attending to do the same.

What happened less was nothing short of a miracle! One of the gentleman attending, Mark, owned an office building that although was a good distance away was available that very moment. He allowed us to use it, thus cementing a feeling of gratitude I still carry to this day. Both Travis and Margie pitched in to not only keep me calm, but to move everything to the new location. The folks who I was able to contact and who did attend were able to see an example of the very principles I teach in action. Something they would not have been able to see without the challenges we faced. It also was a perfect storm for my very first seminar and has allowed me to know if I made it through that the rest would be far easier.

Did I really get all of that from this one picture? Oh yes, and much more. There were funny moments of people falling of chairs and a million other memories. The point being is this one picture can motivate me so much. Is there a picture that might do the same for you? Print it out, hang in somewhere you will see everyday.

THE SECRET TO A PASSIONATE LIFE

Everyone wants a life filled with joy and vitality. I believe the quickest way to accomplish that is to increase your passion. How do we do that? Find a ‘why’ to your life. What does that even mean? What it means is finding a reason you want to get up in the morning. Why going through all the tough times will be worth it.

I have asked a lot of my good friends what their ‘why’ is. When asked most of them don’t know. Some give me answers such as “If I don’t I will be fired”. That is not very motivating.  Ask yourself that very question. What is it that gets you out of bed in the morning. I must confess there are days not much will get me out of bed. Still most days I have a compelling reason to put both feet on the floor and begin moving. This blog is part of it.

We all need something that stirs our soul. Usually it is something bigger than just ourselves. I am not advocating you quit your job and move to the tropics, although I must admit that thought crosses my mind several times a day. No, you don’t even have to change your career. You may eventually want to, but you can always begin chasing a dream part time. Maybe begin writing that book you have always wanted to? Start your own YouTube channel doing videos on a topic that excites you. (Mine can be found by searching Neil Panosian). There are also plenty of volunteer opportunities. My mother recently retired and will begin volunteering at our local zoo.

The point is all of us, I don’t care who you are, were born to do more than just pay bills and die. We each have a unique gift and passion to share with the world. Nelson Mandela once said “Action without vision is only passing time, Vision without action is merely dreaming, but vision with action can change the world”. I don’t care if your passion is attending state fairs. Perhaps you can recommend ways in which they can be improved. Maybe write a book about your different experiences, or create a photo book? The point is no matter what your passion is, sharing it with the world will accomplish 2 great things. One, it will bring joy and fun to countless people who share your passion and most importantly it will set your soul on fire. These are two things the world desperately needs, people sharing their passions and people living their passions. Once you start, your life will never be the same!

THE TOOLS 

A lot of people come to me telling me how they have read every book, listened to every CD attended several seminars and still their lives are in shambles. They say they know about the gratitude journal and writing down your goals and reviewing them daily. I ask if they actually tried them. Most of the time the answer is “yes”. Sometimes, however, the answer is “no”. If the answer is no then the solution is fairly obvious. If the answer is yes, I ask how long they worked with these tools. Suddenly the conversation comes to an abrupt halt or changes direction.

It amazes me when faced with a project such as building a garage for example, we choose all of the best tools. Why not? Using the best tools makes the job quick and easy. In the project of building up ourselves or our lives we tend not to look for the best tools. Sometimes we get them and don’t actually use them. Can you imagine buying the best drill and then leaving it sit on the ground as you use an old-fashioned screw driver?

What about the people who ‘try’ (a word that should be removed from the vocabulary of successful people) and then give up? Using our analogy of the garage it is like starting with the drill, and then going back to the screwdriver. “Well I didn’t see the results!” you may find yourself saying. Maybe you need a little instruction on how to use the tool or maybe a little more practice? Sticking with our building a garage metaphor, the more you use a drill the better you will become at doing it and the more efficient you will become. Just like the difference between a nail gun and a hammer. Sure both will get the job done, but one will be a lot quicker and easier. You will achieve your goal with a lot more ease and less time and energy wasted.

Here is another secret. Use the hammer until you find the nail gun. Start building your dreams as you look for and learn new tools. Take a look at your own ‘toolbox’ are there tools there you know could change your life but you haven’t put them to use? Dust them off, start putting them to work. Remember the tools only work if you do. Even a hammer will not pound a nail in unless you pick it up and put the effort in.

Feel free to share this post with anyone you think could benefit from what we learned.

THE MISSING INGREDIENT 

Have you ever cooked something and forgot an ingredient? Sometimes it is not that big of a deal.  You forgot That pinch of salt. Sure you can taste a little difference but it still tastes good. Other times it could make all the difference. Let us say you are making cherry pie and forget the cherries, big problem there. 

What i am going to share with you fits into the first category. I run into a lot of people who seem to have a missing ingredient in their lives and quest for improving themselves. I must confess as to having this problem myself for a while. See if this sounds familiar to you. Daily your life can be a struggle. You have moments of positivity, but daily it seems like a grind. You may even have a set of goals you are working towards but the path seems long and difficult. 

Fear not my friend! You are missing an ingredient. If you add this ingredient it will make whatever goal you are chasing not only easier to obtain, but you will have a lot more fun doing it. Yes, this missing ingredient is truly a game changer! Sound pretty powerful? It is, but here is what is even better, it is super easy to do. 

So let us look at your goal, what is it? Lose some of the extra pounds from the holidays? Obtain a certain position in your career? Perhaps improve and grow the love in your relationship? Whatever your goal is there is one step you should add to it and that can make all of the difference. Here is the one magic thing you can add to not only your goal list, but your daily to do list as well. It will improve the quality of your life tremendously! Have fun and enjoy the process. 

That sounds easy right? Here is why it is so vital. Most of life is a journey. If we only stop to enjoy life when we achieve a goal or arrive at a certain point we are…well…missing the point. It is the traveling there that is where we should look for the fun. 

You might be asking “what is fun about losing weight?”. A lot can be. Perhaps in your efforts you can look up and try fun new healthy recipes? Instead of going to the gym (which oddly I’m really hooked on) maybe find a sport you like or start taking walks in nature or going for bike rides with the one you love. 

Another thing to help enjoy the process is to notice and get excited about the progress and not the perfection. Stop and read that again, it is worth it. Some people will look at how much of the mountain there is left to climb and forget to look at how much they have already conquered. So you can’t fit into your jeans from high school yet, but did you notice you don’t get so winded taking the stairs? Maybe you and your spouse still argue too much, but are they being solved quicker and with less hurt?

So add the line have fun and enjoy the process to whatever goal or to do list you are currently working on.  Find ways to make the journey fun and celebrate the progress not just the perfection. You will find yourself smiling more often and when you’re enjoying yourself your goals will be easier to stick to!

Feel free to share this post with all of your friends!

SHHH….

Today is valentine’s day. Some call it a hallmark holiday and in many ways I do suppose it is. Much like Christmas,Easter and several other holidays the true meaning makes way for commercial interests. Just like the aforementioned holidays, we do not have to fall victim to this mentality and can focus on the meaning behind the day. 

In the case of today it is love. The cynical may say it is foolish and you should love everyday. This is one time I may be inclined to partially agree with the cynic. While it is true you should celebrate love each and every day (and I am sure that those of you that know my lady Margie and I realize we do) but having a day specifically set aside to remind us of the important role love plays in all of our lives can be very healthy. 

Above is a picture of the couple my lady and I are going to spend the evening with,  our friends Heidi and Bret. This couple, like all couples, have had their share of challenges. Still here they are back, and dare I say, better than they were a year ago. 

What is their secret to love? Well as we all know love is a very complex subject that has filled countless books and inspired even more movies and songs. To say there is one key to love would be selling ourselves short. 

However, because this is a blog and we should be brief i am going to share a secret Heidi and Bret, Margie and myself and countless other couples use to grow their love. Not in a relationship? That’s fine this one thing can unlock the secrets to capturing the heart of anyone you are interested in. 

These are all big claims but can all be achieved by doing one simple thing – listening. Before you dismiss this idea let’s take a look. The kind of listening I am talking about involves listening to learn. 

Let’s take a look at disagreements. When passions run high we can all too often listen just to contradict what our partner is saying. Come on, we have all done it. I know I have. Have you ever found yourself in this situation, you are arguing so intensely and for so long you actually forget what the argument is about? Even worse have you been in a disagreement only to discover you and the other party were totally disagreeing about two different things? These are all things that can happen when we don’t listen to understand what is upsetting our partner. 

When we actively listen which includes asking questions such as “what is truly upsetting you?” And “what can I do to make it better?” can shorten the duration and lessen the intensity of any disagreement. It will also show your partner you can and want to find a solution and not just who is to blame. 

Let’s not be all doom and gloom here. Listening has a very fun and exciting side. Don’t you wish you could always give the one you love the perfect gift or situation to light up their heart regardless of the funds you have available? Listening to the rescue! When I shop with Margie I listen closely  (ok most of the time). This has allowed me to learn what her favorite flowers are, what meat she likes the best, her taste in fashion. Even the conversations we have while doing the simplest things have given me clues as to what she likes and also what she dislikes. By paying attention and taking mental notes it has kept me in the first category. 

So this valentine’s day give your spouse the gift of truly listening to them. It can not only be a great gift for them  (who doesn’t enjoy really being heard and feeling important) and you (they will tell you lots of secrets if you pay attention) but also a great gift for your relationship (it will give you opportunities to grow love and limit upsets). 

*the author would also like to note listening will work in any relationship, friend coworker and clients. 

THE LITTLE THINGS

It is the second month of the year and a lot of us have began the year with the goal of being healthier and in better shape. I know I am one of them. Did you know what I discovered? No matter how committed I am, or how passionate I am about this decision I cannot wake up thin and healthy. In fact, if I expect to I can feel overwhelmed and like a failure.

I have discovered a way to start feeling good both physically and emotionally each and every day. That is understanding that I need to change my rituals. Everyday there are little things we do that become so ingrained in us we seldom even notice. Trying to change these can be a tough and uphill battle. Here is what I suggest at my seminars and what I am going to share with you here. Instead of beginning by try to stop doing all of the things you do wrong, begin by adding one thing right a day. Instead of giving up all the bad food you eat, try beginning the day by eating an apple. They give you energy and help you feel full. Then every day you do so make sure you allow yourself to feel good about doing it. Want to improve your relationship or take it to another level? Try giving your significant other one genuine compliment or sign of appreciation a day.

While you are doing these new habits certainly work on reducing and eliminating the destructive things you do as well. You will often find that by adding something positive it will make that a little easier as well. eventually maybe add 2 things a day. Perhaps adding a healthy snack at lunch or going for a nice stroll after dinner. Before you know it you will gain momentum and you will be well on your way to your goals.

Feel free to share this post and share any ideas you may have in the comments below.

NEVER LOSE AT LIFE AGAIN!

Earlier in the week we looked at how to make life one long party. Today we are going to discover how you can never suffer another loss in life. Is this really possible? The short quick answer is yes. In fact, not only is it possible to not lose going forward, you can even look back and turn some of the things you feel were loses into wins.

How good would it feel knowing whatever you were about to attempt you would do so without the fear of losing or failing? How much more might you attempt? Not only is this possible, but it can be relatively easy after a little practice. Your brain will actually begin to wire itself to work in a way that will keep you from feeling defeated or lost.

Every great person I have studied (and probably the ones you have studied as well) have gone through challenges that may have stopped most of us. I have written about Walt Disney being turned down by over 300 banks trying to get a loan for Disney land. Seriously, can you imagine yourself walking into a bank after hearing ‘no’ over 300 times? I know I can’t. Thomas Edison and how many different things he tried for a light bulb. How many times do you try something before throwing in the towel? Even something we really are passionate about can seem pointless when we suffer to many defeats.

So, how did these wonderful people do it. Certainly they had to have a large dose of both faith and passion, but they had something else as well. They had a different way of looking at what many of us would view as failure. Edison said it best. Obviously most of us would think, “You tried to make a light bulb this way, it didn’t work so you failed”. Not Edison, this is what he said, “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.”. 10,000? Are you kidding me? What in your life have you tried that many times? I can tell you in my own life the answer would be none.

What attitude do the great leaders have that allows them to persevere even when the odds seem stacked against them? They understand that a situation is only a failure if you do not get anything out of it. Guess who decides if you can get anything out of it? That’s right you do. If we look back on some of our most challenging times we have had we will often see we have learned some of our most valuable lessons. Maybe in Walt Disney’s case when he kept being turned down for the loan he learned new ways to present his case?

What about those times in life that just suck? You know the ones where nothing good seems to be found and you can’t find a lesson in it anywhere? You can use that to better appreciate the good times that don’t suck. An example is as follows, the other day my lady and I went to a new cupcake place and from the moment we walked in were treated terribly. The lady was very rude and not helpful at all. After we had purchased a $4 cupcake we discovered it was dry and the frosting tasted like it came from a can. We stopped at a coffee shop to wash down said cupcake and were greeted with a very helpful, silly and fun staff. The place was roomy and very pleasing. In fact, it is where I am writing this now.

So you see I appreciated the good service I got here a lot more thanks to the poor service I received there. When you are sick, it allows you to stop and appreciate your good health that can be easy to take for granted. Once you start doing this you will find your mind automatically does this for you.

IT ONLY TAKES A LITTLE

Last post we looked at the practice of celebrating each other and turning our lives into one long party. Tomorrow we will look at how to never lose in life again (I recommend checking that out) so sandwiched in between is the secret to accomplishing these or any other goal you might be trying to reach.

So what is the secret to accomplishing goals? Think of the journey. What do I mean? Imagine your goal is to hypothetically travel from a cold northern climate to a warm and sunny tropical climate (Ok, this is really not hypothetical here) You cannot expect to take one step and go from your location to the one you desire. No, you have to cover the distance that lies between you are your destination. Just like you have to cover all the distance that lies between you and your goal. Now some means of travel are fast, like an airplane or  high speed train. Others are slower like a bicycle or walking. All of them get you closer to your goal if you keep going. Remember that most things take time. It is going to take you longer to make it to Jamaica than to the grocery store down the street. Unless of course you live in Jamaica and are going to the store down the street, in which case I would love to be your neighbor.

So my friends no that the journey is where the joy can be found. Knowing that no matter what pace you are going, each and every moment you are getting closer to your goal. Every day is a new adventure!