Month: November 2016

WHAT IS EATING YOU?

I would like to begin this post quote from Les Brown, one of my favorite speakers.

“Millions of people die each year because of what they eat. Millions more die because of what is eating them”.

This site is focused on living an amazing life. We have discussed in previous posts the importance of focusing on where you want to go. Today will be a little different. Today’s post will be about how to increase the speed and ease of which to achieve your goals as well as improving your health. Sounds great doesn’t it? What if I told you this can be accomplished with one action? Too good to be true? Read on and decide for yourself.

Do you have something that is eating you? If you are anything like the rest of us chances are the answer is yes. Perhaps it is a relationship with someone who needs repair? Perhaps it is a hurt you are carrying with you from long ago? Not only does this slow you down, in fact, it is like running toward your goal while dragging an anchor. It can fill you with self doubt or feelings of not being worthy of the success you so deserve. The continued stress this causes you can actually affect your health. We all know how much our productivity slows when our health is not up to par.

More than likely you are aware of all of these challenges, but the question is how to fix them. Usually it revolves around one simple word. Next to ‘gratitude’ it is one of the most powerful words we can make use of. That word is ‘forgiveness’. IF you catch yourself thinking “They are not worth forgiving” or “You don’t know what they did to me”. You would be right on both accounts. I don’t know your situation personally. Here is the straight up truth – it does not matter -. How can I say it doesn’t matter?

Easy, forgiveness is not for the other person. First of all changing other people seldom works. Not to mention we have no right to do so. People have the right to choose who they want to be even if it is someone who tends to be not so pleasant. No my friends, forgiveness is for us. If you are mad at someone chances are it doesn’t affect them nearly as much as it does you. It has been said anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. When you forgive someone, whether they deserve it or not, you are freeing yourself. You are effectively saying “Your actions will no longer cause me any anguish”. You must forgive truly, however. This does not mean you have to let that person back in your life, or that you are excusing their actions. It just means you are no longer prisoner to the pain that their actions have caused you.

Think of the last time you heard someone else complaining about or putting someone else down. What did you think of the person doing the complaining? When you are the one doing the complaining and telling someone over and over again how terrible someone is or how much they hurt you how do you feel? Usually it is like reliving the hurt all over again. Even if you just think about it in your mind it can make you sick to your stomach. So do your self a favor, let yourself out of that prison of anger and hate. Do not be one of the millions who die because of what is eating them.

Feel free to share your ideas on forgiveness below and feel free to share this post.

WHAT IS YOUR QUESTION?

When i ask people about their question the response is almost always the same,  “what question?”. Whether we realize it or not questions are what drive our actions. If you are not happy with your life situation, it is time to take a look at the questions you may be asking yourself consciously or not.

One question we ask ourselves hundreds of times a day is “what does this mean?”. Now if you catch yourself thinking you don’t recall asking yourself this recently, I’ll let you in on a really good secret. This is exactly how we decide to feel. Here is an example. Let’s say you stand next to someone in line and suddenly they just get up and leave. What happened there? If it were me several options come to mind. Maybe they just remembered they had an appointment? Maybe they are uncomfortable with close social contact? Maybe I forgot to shower? What causes us to think of each option? By asking ourselves what could this mean? To some people a hug and a handshake are no different, to others it signifies something completely different. That all stems from what they decide what a hug means and what a handshake means. That can even change from person to person and further from situation to situation with the same person.

Ok, so this all sounds complicated, but you can see how much can depend on the question we ask ourselves. Many times we are not even aware of this question. We are going to discuss two new ways to use questions to live a more positive, and yes a more amazing life.

First way is when you find yourself in a situation that doesn’t feel good. Perhaps someone said something that hurt your feelings. As I am writing this the owner of one of the bars I DJ at sent me a message saying one of his employees didn’t show up and he does not deserve such bad luck. Both situations are not pleasant, so how can we use questions to turn them around? Here is the first way. Ask yourself this question, “What else can this mean?”. Take the fist example. We can be tempted to just think how unfair the person saying something hurtful is. We can start to come up with ways they are wrong. We can even decide they are just mean and unthoughtful. So if we ask “What else could this mean?” What else could we come up with? Maybe they didn’t understand it would upset us? Maybe we need to be more clear with what we expect? Maybe they are not good with expressing their emotions in a healthy way and could use some help with that? Maybe something terrible happened to them and they are hurting? All of these could be true. We get to decide what it means. As for the second example, the lady who did not show up seemed to be a very nice employee the one time I met her. Yes, now someone else had to cover the shift, but is this all really terrible luck for the owner? Maybe, maybe not. Perhaps she only seemed nice? Maybe she was dishonest? Maybe he needed to see some of his other employees will step up? All of these are also true. Some may seen this as rose colored way of looking at things, but I see it as a way of looking at things that open us up to see the best in others and preserve our emotional well-being

I promised you a second way to use questions, here it is. Everyday we begin our day with a question as well. Once again these may not be noticed by us, but I have heard several come from friends and family. Everything from “What is going to go wrong today?” “How am I going to make it through the day?” “How many hours until Friday?”. As you can see none of these are very empowering, and most are asked of ourselves unconsciously. Why not take control of this and put it to work for us? How do we do this? Decide on an empowering question, write it out and hang it where we will see it first thing in the morning. One of my new favorites I have heard is “How can I live today so that tomorrow will be even better?”. It doesn’t have to be that profound either. Something like “What awesome thing will happen today?” is a great way to begin the day.

Ok, now you have 2 new ways to look at questions and an equal number of ways to use them. Feel free to share a few of your ideas for empowering questions in the comments below! Thank you and tell all your friends about secret2anamazinglife.com!

IT’S MONDAY, GO ON THE ATTACK!!

Inner demons,we all have them. From the happiest person we know to the most angry and sad. Some demons are obvious, some you would never know are there. One thing is certain, the demons we all have are as varied as the people who have them. I happened to be listening to the late Jim Rohn on the way to write this blog. If  you haven’t had a chance I urge you to check out some of his material. He is the man who mentored one of my mentors, a man you might have heard of, Tony Robbins. In this current talk Mr. Rohn said “if something attacks you in life, attack it back”. That got me thinking of what was attacking me in my life. I came up with a few. Doubt, trouble trusting others, a temptation to react instead of act. So the very next question, how do we attack these? Different demons call for different actions I suppose. The first thing to do is admit they exist. Then, keep showing up. Do what the little girl in the picture is doing, smile. Nothing drives an inner demon more crazy.

Then what? Two things really. The first is do everything you can. If your demon is anger, maybe watch a YouTube video on anger management? Talk to a consoler? Whatever you do just don’t fight fire with fire. If you have anger issues, don’t get mad about that. If you are depressed, resist the temptation to become sad about it. Reach out to others whether it be in person or online. Read books on the subject, listen to a cd on the subject, look up websites.

That brings us to the second thing you should do. Don’t ever give up. Everyday you show up to do battle with your inner demons you are winning the war. Sure you may lose a few battles along the way. You may become upset and say things you don’t mean, but if you recognize that and are honestly trying to do better you are winning.

When going through this know something else. You are not alone. We all have our demons. Some are just better at hiding them. So the struggle is all of ours. If someone reaches out to you be understanding and compassionate. Feel free to share some of your demons and how you are attempting to beat them or maybe how you already have. You may just give others the strength to do the same.

DON’T FALL INTO A RUT

Raise your hand if you have every tried to change an unhealthy habit. Ok, now raise your hand if you have found it extremely hard to do and have went back to the more familiar, although perhaps less healthy way? Ok, you can put your hand down now as depending upon where you are reading this it may look a little funny. I think we have all found ourselves in that situation at least once. Sure, you would like to make it to the gym every morning but that warm bed and few more minutes of sleep feel really good.

Did you know the gym is probably the better option? Sure. You may even know as contrary as it sounds exercise provides you more energy. So why not jump out of bed? You may tell yourself things like I am lazy, or I just wanted more sleep. Well, to some degree those may be true scientists tell us there tends to be a little more to it than that.

New habits take about 21 days to develop. Who would really do something 21 days that is difficult and may not be initially enjoyable? Those who rise to the top. I can safely admit I do not follow this as often as I would like and it is a struggle for me as well. Still I think knowing there is a light at the end of the tunnel, say in 21 days, can really help. I personally like to try things for a solid month. A good way to stay motivated is to use your calendar. Every day you stick with your goal put an ‘x’ check mark, smiley face or some symbol that works for you. Then as you count them up you can see yourself getting closer to that goal. Perhaps even put a big smiley face on the 21 or 30 day mark, whatever you are shooting for. Then as the days pass by you can see yourself getting closer.

If you have any suggestions that you use to stay motivated to start your new healthy habit feel free to share them in the comments below.

A MAGIC PILL

What if i told you there was a magic pill that was completely safe and legal? This magic pill would give you an immediate boost of good feelings. It would also improve your outlook on the future. It would improve your relationships and deepen the love and appreciation you both give to others and feel yourself. It would help your goals materialize faster and multiply all you have. In your darkest moments it will provide you with hope. When you are having a great day it will take you to new heights. It will keep you looking and feeling young.

How much would you pay for this pill? What if I told you that the pill was free? How far would you look for a dealer? Here is the great news, you have an ample supply of this pill. In fact, you could take a dose of it at anytime. More great news, you cannot overdose on this magic pill. In fact, the more you take the better it is for you!

Ok, so what is this magic pill and how can you start taking it? Let me caution you before I reveal what this drug is do not dismiss its power. This drug can be taken in many different forms. The more forms you take the better the effect. Perhaps you think you have taken this drug before, and maybe you have in a very mild dose. Here is what I suggest, take a very high dose of this pill and take it in several different forms. Do so for about a week and see what happens to both you and your life.

Ok, this magic pill is actually something we are celebrating today here in the U.S. It is the power of gratitude. Sounds weak? Perhaps you are thinking you have practiced gratitude in the past. You said thank you when someone opened the door or brought you coffee. Feeling grateful for the good in your life is very important and can increase what you receive, but it is merely a great first step. So take that dose. Make a list of 5 things you are grateful for each day for a minimum of 7 days. See what happens. The next dose which will provide you hope in the darkest of times. It will help you rise to the top in the face of chaos and challenge. That is being thankful for even the challenges in your life. Truly if we search hard enough everything has a blessing in it. Being able to find it gives you a super power. The last dose is finding a way to be grateful for your life in general. Just being awake and alive fills you with an almost overwhelming feeling of gratitude. By then you will be unstoppable.

You can take this drug in a multitude of ways. The list we discussed is only one. Sharing the drug with others only increases its power. Call a friend just to share what you are thankful for in them. Send out thank you cards to those you appreciate. I can assure you that people are not used to this magic pill and sharing it with them will not only make their day, it may change their life. Don’t believe me? Think of how you would feel if a friend hands you a card that contains handwritten account of everything they appreciate about you.

Today is Thanksgiving, which happens to be my favorite holiday. I have to confess only now am I truly beginning to appreciate the true power of being grateful and it is exciting! I invite you to join me. I also invite you to share any ways in which you express gratitude and share the feelings with others.

DON’T JUST TURN ON THE LIGHT, BE THE LIGHT!

Here is something we can all do a little more. Everyone I know personally has something they feel less than confident about. Everyone I know wouldn’t mind hearing how wonderful they are and what is good about them. How about you? Does this hold true for people you know as well? How about yourself?

The other day I shared a blog post about the importance of being nice to negative people and how important that is. Interestingly a gentleman commented how this could only be true in a “fantasy land” and that the important thing to do was shine a light on their negative actions and even advocated getting a camera to “Catch them in the act”. He recited some hateful things toward certain faiths and said the only thing important in life is winning.

In no way am I judging this man’s opinion. In fact, because of what we hear in the media and our lead to believe through corporate propaganda I really understand why he might think this way. There is a shortage of light in the world so much so that darkness seems to be normal. To some this may be depressing, and certainly it is a sad state of affairs. To me, and hopefully to you as well, it is a great opportunity. People are so used to the dark and a win at all costs mentality that any positive and altruistic act will have a tremendous impact on them. Simply by being kind you can change someone’s world.

It is my sincerest desire that by the time I leave this earth perhaps we will be a little bit closer to light being the norm, but we have a long way to go. Does it depress me that the journey is so long? No, but what it does do is motivate me to start the journey now and work as much as I can to bring light and love to the world. Won’t you join me?

I invite you to share with all of our readers any ideas you have for bringing light to someone’s world and the world in general in the comments below. Feel free to share this post with those you know so that they may join us on the journey. Thank you in advance and I look forward to seeing you on the path.

CANI

The title of this blog may seem like a mistake, but please allow me to explain. It actually stands for ‘Constant and never-ending improvement’. As you can see by the picture I have been writing this blog for 4 years now. It really does not seem that long, and I have to confess I enjoy every day that I do it. It is my sincerest hope that if you go back and read my blogs from years past my writing would sound more improved today.

The more we do something the better we get at it. That can’t really be avoided. We learn things we didn’t know before both about ourselves and our subject matter. This website is dedicated to helping all of us live a more amazing life. Not only do I hope it has helped some of you, but writing these thoughts down has helped me as well. Spending my times researching ways in which people improve their life has helped me with my own as well.

So as this year draws to a close and we look back on all we have done in the last 12 months we can often be left with feelings of failure and regret. I know there were several things I had personally hoped to accomplish that have not come into existence yet. We can use these feelings in several ways. First, feeling that pain of regret should motivate us to work harder in the future. Realize that what we are now feeling is in large part due to our own inaction, or lack of consistent action. This may not sound so inspiring, but if we are going to improve we need to be honest with ourselves. My goal was to have my latest book completed by the end of the year. It is nowhere near done and so in that sense I have failed. That being said, I am using this feeling to motivate myself to have a complete book by this time next year.

That leads us to our next action we can take. Use the final month of the year to set yourself up for victory in the coming year. Sit down with a pad of paper and a pen. List things you feel you did not succeed at this year. Now think of and write down actions you can take, plans you can put in place, or other things you can do to assure success next year. Use the final month of the year to make a commitment to yourself. Use it as a practice month for what you are going to do next year.

One final note going back to the beginning of this post. No matter what you feel you did not accomplish this year know one thing, just by going through what you did you are a more complete person that you were 12 months ago. You have made it through all of your trials and challenges and as New Years day approaches you should feel good about that. Do not let it dull your drive, but do know as long as you are still in the game victory is right around the corner.

ONE OF THE MOST DIFFICULT THINGS TO DO

To me this is one of the most difficult things in life to accomplish. Someone cuts you off in traffic and almost causes an accident. How do you not launch into a monologue that would make a sailor blush? A person is always negative and unpleasant, why waste any of your positive energy on them?

I find there are several reasons why you might want to do this, but I will focus on two of them for brevity. First is obvious and altruistic reason – they need it. Perhaps their angst is caused by people giving it to them as well and your kindness could turn their world around. Perhaps your kind words could thaw a cold heart? Could turn a frown upside down?

All of these reasons lead us to our second reason. It is one of the greatest opportunities you may have to change the world. If you can turn an unpleasant person into a pleasant person, even if only for a moment that can have a ripple effect. Next time they are inclined to give someone a not so friendly greeting or response maybe they will think of the kind way in which you treated them. Maybe it will even have them feeling a little guilty for not passing it along. That is ok, whatever it takes to remove them from their created work of negativity.

With each and every soul we touch we become closer to a world that will be more loving for each and every one of us. Next time you see this person they may even remember how you treated them last time you saw each other and extend to  you a little more kindness thus making your world a little more sunny. So do it for yourself, do it for them and do it for the world. It will not be easy, but it sure will be worth it.

One more thing. Being able to do so will give you a great sense of accomplishment. You will leave with a better feeling about yourself as well as a sense of pride.

IT’S TIME TO VOTE FOR SOMETHING FUN!

Forget all our differences for Trump and Hillary! Forget empty campaign promises. I’m humbly asking for your vote for best Milwaukee author. So, if you enjoy what you read in this blog, or have read my book A Happy Life for Busy People I ask that you be kind enough to cast your vote for me.

You do not have to live in Milwaukee, you do not have to show an ID and you do not even have to leave the comfort of your own home! There is no political agenda to worry about and nobody will unfriend you if you do. So if you enjoy what I write here is all I am asking you to do. Go to http://www.shepherdexpress.com/bom16 or click the link at the bottom of this post. Then go to the arts and entertainment category and select Milwaukee author where you will see the screen above and click on yours truly!

When I found out that I was voted one of the four finalists for this year there was one emotion that came over me. It was not pride, even though to be so recognized is truly something to be proud of. It was not arrogance, although once again being selected as one of the four best authors in the city made me feel pretty good!  The one emotion that popped right into my head was gratitude. I cannot explain how grateful I feel enough wonderful people cast their votes to get me that far. So if you were one of those people I do wish to thank you. With you vote again and with the help of others we will come out on top.

Throughout my life my mission has always been to help others see the beauty in themselves, others and the world around them. I strive to do that very thing in this blog, in my books and in my live seminars. With the exposure that winning would grant me I feel that I could help even more individuals reduce the stress and increase the joy in their lives and I can only do it with your help. So I wish to say I big thank you for those of you who have already voted, and thank in advance all of you who will vote.

CLICK HERE TO VOTE!!

PS While you are there voting if you would be so kind as to click on the ‘out and about’ tab and vote either place I DJ at (HD hideout or Graingers) for best karaoke bar I would be further in your debt.

PARETO MUST WIN THIS ELECTION !

As you’re reading this i can only imagine the questions you are asking.  “Neil don’t you know the election is over?” and “who is this Italian guy your talking  about?”

First things first. Yes I know the election is over. Donald Trump is now the president of the United States. Shocking to some, wonderful news to others. So why am I saying another person should win the election and who is he?

Vilfredo Pareto was a French economist who died in 1923 in Switzerland. So am I advocating dead people to not only vote but win? Not at all. Mr. Pareto was known for many things including a principle named after him. In a nutshell the principle states that, for many phenomena, 20% of invested input is responsible for 80% of the results obtained.

There are many adaptations of this principle including my favorite that states when faced with a challenge we should allocate 20% of our time, energy and focus on the problem and 80% on possible solutions. This has served me very well both in business and in personal relationships. How many times have you wasted time disagreeing with someone about something trying to decide who’s fault it is, who is to blame and why things are bad? Once you decide who takes the blame you are often nowhere nearer to solving the problem than when you began.

As this election unfolded several issues were brought up and people became divided and hateful. After the election is over these issues still remain and some may save have only become magnified. So now what do we do and what can we take from a dead Frenchman?

First, the 20%. We need to all get together and spend 20% of our time on these challenges. There are several challenges facing this fine nation. The first step to solving any challenge is getting clear as to what the challenge is. This may sound silly at first, but how many times have you seen or even been a part of a disagreement only to discover the two parties (or more) were disagreeing about completely different things. The next step is to discover the cause of these issues. Now here is where a lot of people turn to blame. First of all it is very seldom, if ever, only one party’s fault. Often there is a failure to communicate clearly. Perhaps there is a lack of knowledge on a subject or even person. Often if we really spend more time getting to know each other at our very core we would find it a lot more difficult to disagree.

That brings us to the 80%, the solution. When you find yourself faced with a challenge it is very important to know what both sides desire and ask yourself “what is a solution that could make both parties happy?”. Sometimes this is not possible, but when you approach a challenge this way you are far more open to hearing both sides. Explore every option, hear every opinion. Spend 80% of your time on the solution verses the problem and we will be amazed and what we can accomplish.

So although this election has divided many of us, I urge all of us to focus 20% on what our issues may be and 80% on how we can solve them for the best interest of everyone. That includes our newly elected president as well as those who came up short.

I will leave you with a final thought from one of my favorite presidents

“A House divided against itself cannot stand” – Abraham Lincoln