This is an important and much needed reminder. There are so many of us that work so hard to make the world a better place and bring joy to others. Those same people are often the hardest on themselves. Check your inner conversation. Is it motivating? Recently, I noticed that my inner conversation started to lean a little more to the negative than I would care for. I mentioned to Margie, “I need to work on being more positive.” She gave me a look that showed her shock with my statement. I should have been a little more specific. My outer conversation was still very positive. However, my inner conversation was not. Allow me to give you an example. Winter is always difficult for me. The cold, the lack of life, it all has me feeling down. I decided to add a way to help with this. I decided to appreciate the effort and beauty behind the decorations people put up for the holidays.
On the outside I did pretty good. Whether I was with others, or by myself. I would remark, “Wow! That one looks nice.” or “That must have taken a long time.” I did feel better. That was until my inner voice started talking. I am not sure who that person is, but he didn’t have many nice things to say. I heard the voice in my head say, “That one is sloppy.” and “Why did they even bother to put up decorations if they were not going to take their time?” Here I was trying to find beauty and the holiday spirit and my inner dialogue turned into a holiday decoration critic. Then, I started getting down on myself for being negative.
We must remember that we are human. We must be forgiving and compassionate with ourselves. Especially during this busy season. As a solution to combat my newly negative self-talk, I have begun to listen to positive affirmations on the way to work in the morning. It places positive thoughts in my head before my head can come up with negative ones. Remember to be kind to ourselves the rest of the week. In what ways are you kind to yourself?
The ‘secret of success’. It is something that billions are spent on every year to discover. The amusing part of this is that it can be found in this quote by Aristotle. You need to have successful habits. Ones that continually push you to be a better version of yourself. If you make exercise and learning a habit, there is no limit to where this world may take you. When we are stressed, we do not rise to the level of our goals, we fall to the level of our habits. That is why it is paramount that we begin to work on them as soon as we can. Habits take time to develop. They are also easier to develop when we are not in a stressed state.
A few years back, I appeared on the television show Positively Milwaukee. One of the strategies for success that I advocated that day was that we should learn to swim while we are on the shore and not when the ship is sinking. Meaning, that learning and perfecting skills should be done before we need them. When will we need them? We never know. That is why it is so important to get into the habits that will be profitable to our lives now. Profitable does not only refer to financial concerns. A habit that increases, or profits, our health is a vital one to have. Self-care is a great habit to develop for mental health purposes. When will we need a hand with a mental health? That can be right around the corner!
Another important aspect to consider about success is that it cannot be compartmentalized. We have seen this is CEOs, celebrities and others. If your success in one area of your life comes at the sacrifice of others, you are not a success. If you are wealthy, but you family is not happy or your friendships are suffering, are you truly successful? We need to develop excellence habits and apply them to every area of our life. What healthy habits for excellence do you have? Which ones do you think would be healthy to develop?
Let me ask you a question you may have never been asked, or even thought to ask. What stress are you grateful for? You read that right. Most of our lives, and a good many posts on this site, has been focused on reducing or eliminating stress. Wouldn’t a life with no stress be a great thing? You might think so, but stress does us a lot of good if managed properly. I recall listening to a talk by Norman Vincent Peale where he described a place where not a single person had a problem. Everyone there was completely problem free. A friend of his asked him to take him there. His response? “It is Woodlawn cemetery.”
That is very true. Stress is a sign of life. Many of us spend our lives trying to get rid of our stress. Our time would be best served if we found a way in which we could put stress to work for us. Changing our approach and interaction with stress can do this. A change in mindset can transform how we see stress. It will not change the stress. It will change us. The world will give us stress no matter who we are or what level we reach. Having a healthy approach to stress will allow us to succeed at every level. What is this switch in mindset? Let us take a look at it below.
I always reference working out. Lifting weights is a stress. It stresses the muscle. In response the muscle grows stronger. Without that, the muscle would remain weak. The same is true for our mental, emotional and spiritual muscles. Increasing our resilience, patience and compassion happens when we face opposition. It can be hard to be grateful for them in the moment, but they are indeed making us stronger, if we decide to let them. It may be a slightly tired cliche, but an airplane rises flying into the wind. How do you manage stress? How do you use it for motivation and getting stronger? Share your ideas with the rest of us in the comments below.
I confess to this being a little bit of a ‘click bait’ title. It is great you found yourself here, however. This is a gas of sorts. Making people feel good gives them all kinds of energy. It can transform the entire vibe of a workplace. It can increase the joy between a group of friends. It can make the world of social media seem like a less scary and mean place. Why would we not want a world full of people who feel good and will have a spring in their step? Seldom are problems caused by people who are in a good mood.
Picture a world where everyone in it is in a good mood. Yes, this can be a little bit tricky to imagine, but do your best. Confrontations would be down. Teamwork would be up. There would be smiles enough to go around. How would we even start a world like this? By doing just what the picture advises us to do – compliment and inspire people. It is free and it is how we should treat each other. When you make people feel good, they will naturally want to do the same for you and for others. Why not begin spreading feel good feelings today? It is free and it only helps all of us in the long run! A world a smiling faces may seem like a fantasy. It doesn’t have to be. It can be done and it can start with us.
Everyone is looking for new and exciting secrets that will help them live an amazing life. That is the entire point behind this website. My quest has been just that for my entire life. What I learn, I share with everyone in this community. As exciting as some of the new tools and strategies we have discovered when it comes to the mind and success, some of the truly great ones have been around a long time. My favorite book, that has given me countless tools for success in my life, was written in 1936. That is almost 100 years ago. How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie is a book I have read countless times. It seems every time that I pick it up I am either reminded of something important or I discover something I may have missed. That is one of the great reasons to read a book several times. You are a different person each time you pick it up. Your experiences and the way you look at the world change and may allow you to see something you missed in the previous reading.
One of my favorite tools put forth in that book is using someone’s name often. We all enjoy hearing the sound of our own name. It makes us feel important and valued by the other party. It is takes away the feeling of ‘being just another number’ in the corporate world. If you are looking to retain customers from a business aspect, or develop rapport on a more personal level, using a person’s name is helpful. I find when I throw in a server’s name in a few times while out to dinner, it improves service. Why wouldn’t it? It shows you value and appreciate them as a person and the service they are providing.
The photo above was my coffee cup this morning. By adding my name to the little greeting written on it, they made me feel like a valued customer. Feeling valued will make me more likely to return to this location. Can you think of ways in which using a person’s name can make someone feel more valued? In what ways do you enjoy it when someone uses your name?
Have you ever had a moment in your life that made you feel a certain way at the time, but upon reflection, has taught you lessons you missed completely? If we spend a moment pondering that question, I am sure we all have. Allow me to share a humorous story from my own life that was both humbling and embarrassing at the time, but has since taught me some very valuable lessons.
This happened early in my life. I was working in a shopping mall at of all places a hair salon. Back then malls where busy places. It was both a place to shop and a social gathering place. This was before there were as many online communities in which to gather. If you wanted to meet and converse with people you had to do so in person. It was also a place to show off your fashion, have a first date and enjoy a day with friends. It was exciting to be a part of it.
Wherever there are large groups of people, there are usually large messes. Someone has to clean that mess up. In the mall I worked at it was a young man named Oscar. He was an immigrant from some Central American country I honestly cannot remember. Oscar was short and his English was not the best. His job was menial, but very important. People did not stop and consider what would happen if nobody were there to clean up after them. People either ignored Oscar as if they did not even see him at all. Worse yet, some made fun of him or treated him like an indentured servant. Crazy thing was Oscar was friendly to everyone. Even those who treated him unfairly harsh. I admired this about him and told him as much. Before long, he and I had a casual friendship. He enjoyed having someone who respected and listened to him. I enjoyed having someone who managed to see the sunshine in the cloudiest of circumstances.
One day my friendship with Oscar would come back to haunt me. I had forgotten my lunch and ate food in the mall food court. Moments later, my stomach had let me know that I would have been better off going hungry. I rushed to the public men’s room with not a moment to spare. The one stall that had all of the items necessary to do the business I needed to conduct had one outstanding feature. When you closed the door, there was about a 2 inch gap between the door and the side of the stall. Being that it was a busy day at the mall, this was quite a predicament. Unfortunately, mother nature does not afford you many options in this situation. As I sat contemplating the unsavory ingredients that could have been used in my lunch, I could see through the gap in the door my friend Oscar walk in. He was there to clean the restroom. With the greatest of regret, I discovered he saw me through the same gap, although my position was a far more humbling one. He immediately began to talk to me through this gap, all while keeping eye contact. “Mr. Neil, how are you today?” After much back and fourth, I was able to convince Oscar it would be best that we continued our conversation at a later time and in a different locale.
I know Oscar was trying to be friendly. He didn’t have many friends and perhaps it was a cultural difference of not understanding the need for privacy. After this humbling interaction I noticed Oscar was never quite as friendly. Perhaps, considering my position, I was a little too direct in letting him know I did not want to talk. Maybe he felt bad when he realized I was embarrassed talking through a men’s room stall. In retrospect, it was a good lesson for us both in respecting boundaries. I am sure, in an attempt to help, or just be a friend, I have overstepped someone’s boundaries. There have been times that I have felt hurt when someone was rather direct in letting me know they did not want my association, even if just for the moment.
When I think back to that moment in the mall men’s room, I remember how there were two different people, in two different positions that both ended up feeling uncomfortable. It taught me, and still teaches me, that I need to recognize when some people just need their space. It also reminds me not to take it too personally when people are direct about communicating their need, or desire, to have that space. It has become something I have learned to appreciate. How about you? Have you had one of those experiences?
One of the most fulfilling aspects of being viewed in over 200 countries is the interaction that I have with people I would otherwise not know. One of the most frustrating parts of being a writer is that they do not happen more often. It may tell you that thousands of people read what you wrote, but do they all have no opinion about it? That can feel quite defeating. I have written something daily for over 4 years and do it to make a positive difference in the life of those who read it. When there is very little interaction, you can start to wonder if you are indeed successful in your goal. I would venture a guess that most writers feel this way.
It is not limited to this blog. My books have sold thousands. Rarely do I hear what people think of them. There are a few “Your book was really good.” That is nice to hear but leaves the author with very little to go on. The lifeblood of any writer is engagement with their audience. This is more motivating than numbers on a sale chart or views and likes statistic. If you know a writer, please give them feedback. It is what drives us and makes us want to write more. Ideas, comments, thoughts and any other feedback gives us something to work with going forward. For those wonderful souls who have given me feedback, I appreciate it more than you know. Thank you so much. For those of you who have something to offer but have not, may I encourage you to do so. Hearing how my writing affects you, good, bad or indifferent, really is motivation to continue writing.
Each one of us, the author included, is on a journey to become the best version of ourselves and to create an amazing life. One of the most difficult things to understand about that is that self-improvement, like many other things in life, is not linear. That is to say you do not become a progressively better version of yourself every day. Your life does not go on a perfectly upward trajectory. It sure would be great if it did, but it does not. You feel like you are finally getting a handle on your anger, and then on a stressful day you snap on someone for no good reason. You feel you have managed to heal from the hurt in your life, and one morning you wake up in tears. It can be tempting to think this amounts to some sort of failure. It does not. In fact, it is necessary for several reasons. When this happens to you, as it will to all of us, there is one thing to remember.
This was brought home to me in a personal way today. Writing this site, and writing in general, is something that always brings me a great day of joy. Researching and learning ways in which I can make my own life better and then sharing them with this community is often one of the best things in my day. There are days, like today, that I find myself in a funk. Have you ever had one of them? You wake up and feel down. A little defeated. Perhaps a bit of sadness fills your heart? It is worse when you can’t even pinpoint what the cause of these feelings are. Maybe there are a million things you are dealing with that all happen to tap on your brain at the same time and it feels overwhelming. That was the kind of day I am having today.
The coffee shop I write at has its own little community. A group of regular people who come and go and cross paths. We learn a little about each other and our lives through simple conversation. One of those people is Cindy. She knows and interacts with many of the people in this coffee shop. Today she asked how I was doing. “Well Cindy, the tricky thing about writing a daily motivational website is doing so when you feel in a funk.” Cindy looked rather understandingly at me and said 3 words that I feel is an important reminder for all of us to carry on this journey to better ourselves and our lives. She said, “You’re only human.”
There is a great thing about days like this. It reminds us why we want to improve our life and ourselves. It also reminds us what it is like to struggle. It is that reminder that allows us to have compassion for the rest of the world who struggles too. It reminds us that there will always be challenging days and that they give us the kick in the butt to build a life where they are fewer and less intense. In this case, it also reminded me how important it is to befriend others. They can give us that powerful reminder like Cindy did to me today. In your own journey, when you make a mistake or have a day where you are in a funk, remember you are only human. Use those days and that pain for motivation. Use it to increase your compassion for others.
Like many of Mark Twain quotes, this is both filled with truth and a little humor. What he so eloquently expressed is that we should live a life so good that even those who stand to profit from our death would be sad to see us go. How on earth do you do that? Think about those in your life that you impact. That would be everyone you see, talk to and now digitally, impact online. It is not only them, but the people they interact with. Think of what happens when you pay a friend, or even a stranger, a genuine compliment. They feel good about themselves. They have more joy in their heart and their spirit. How do you think they will interact with those they run into?
Even those who seem to be against us in life. There are those sunshine-challenged souls who may be offended at your attempt to better yourself and the world. What about them? You may think they would be happy to see all the joy you attempt to bring to others gone. On the surface that may seem true. Even the hardest person among us appreciates people who are genuine in their desire to bring joy to others.
In my humble opinion, living an amazing life means leaving the world a better place than you found it. There are endless possibilities on how one may accomplish this. You can donate money or time to a charity. You can work hard to be the best spouse, parent or friend you can be. You can look to bring smiles to as many faces as you can on a given day. You can pick up trash. You can feed birds. The list is truly endless. We could do a different thing every day and be good for an entire year. Once you see, or feel, the ways you are improving the world, your heart will be happier too. When you are gone, and there is one less person working to make the world a better place, even the undertaker will be sad.
The above photo is one that Margie drew on the window on our front porch. She really is a talented lady. What does this have to do with you and living an amazing life? Plenty. Stick with me and we will uncover this secret together. In the title of this post we mentioned what you should express more often to have an amazing life. The answer is as simple as it is profound. What are you looking to have more of in your life? Health? Love? Money? The key is expressing that as often as you can. Even if you do not currently have as much of it as you desire. When it comes to love, can you really have too much?
This may sound like an odd version of the law of attraction. In some ways it is. When you surround yourself with what you wish to have more of, it is a constant reminder to focus on the that. Take the picture above. Every time that Margie and I sit on the porch, which we enjoy doing with a good cup of coffee, we will be reminded that we are two love birds. We have pictures of moments that we enjoyed together throughout our house and loving reminders of each other. Whenever we glance at one of those items, it gives us a gentle reminder of our love. If you are constantly reminded of how special something is, you are far less likely to take it for granted.
It can be easy to see how this works in love, but how about when you are looking for financial abundance and you are so poor you set off bank alarms simply by walking by? By focusing on what little you do have, even if it is far less than you wish. It can also be taking little mental vacations to where you wish to be. These can be facilitated by having those reminders placed around. It is more than just your decor. It is how you speak, what you think and most important, how you feel about a certain subject. If your bank account is as barren as a desert, it can be hard to feel abundant. That is when you must do your best to do so. You see, if you are constantly reminding yourself about how little you have you end up in a defeated mindset and may miss opportunities that could help that. It is not to say that you should act fiscally irresponsible, but foster a gratitude for what you do have.
Having these reminders work great to increase what you want to have in your life, but they work just as good for helping you to get back on track when things start to slip. Should you and your spouse find yourself in a moment of discord, seeing loving pictures or symbols of the two of you can help remind you that this is a moment in time. Yes, you may not like your partner very much at the moment, but you will be reminded how much you have loved them, and deep down still do. This can help keep the negative in perspective.
The secret to having an amazing life is to express all that you are grateful for and wish for. It is to limit discussing and thinking about all that you want less of. Think about your own life. Do you spend time thinking and getting excited for all that you have and all that you want? Do you find yourself worrying and complaining about all that is wrong in your life? It is important to be present and be aware of your thoughts. Yes, we all have challenges and bad days. Nobody’s life is all sunshine and rainbows, but the goal is to have more sunny days than cloudy. You can set yourself up for success in this by catering your surroundings and expression. How can you improve your own life in this way? I am always looking for suggestions. I would love to hear your story.
Where I live, it is the first day of summer today. For those of you reading this in the southern hemisphere, it is very well the opposite. It is my favorite day of the year for so many reasons. I love the sun. In fact, during my autopsy, I will not be surprised if they find a solar battery. It is also technically, the longest day of the year. That is the day when the sun rises the earliest and sets the latest. It is usually fairly warm, which I also enjoy.
It is not an official holiday and there are no traditions for celebration as there are with other days. Being that is my favorite day, I have developed a few of my own. I like to wear a shirt that I made years ago on the first day of summer. It is a good memory. I also enjoy going out for an iced coffee. Spending some time in nature is also a good way to celebrate the first day of summer. You get some fresh air in your lungs and some sun on your skin. Both can help you feel good.
One of the simple pleasures in life is to choose ways in which to celebrate anything. It could be your birthday, Thanksgiving or even the first day of summer. Having fun traditions in place that you enjoy will make your life so much more enjoyable. I would love to hear some of the fun ways in which you like to celebrate. What traditions bring you joy?
SECRET 2 AN AMAZING LIFE 