This is an important and much needed reminder. There are so many of us that work so hard to make the world a better place and bring joy to others. Those same people are often the hardest on themselves. Check your inner conversation. Is it motivating? Recently, I noticed that my inner conversation started to lean a little more to the negative than I would care for. I mentioned to Margie, “I need to work on being more positive.” She gave me a look that showed her shock with my statement. I should have been a little more specific. My outer conversation was still very positive. However, my inner conversation was not. Allow me to give you an example. Winter is always difficult for me. The cold, the lack of life, it all has me feeling down. I decided to add a way to help with this. I decided to appreciate the effort and beauty behind the decorations people put up for the holidays.
On the outside I did pretty good. Whether I was with others, or by myself. I would remark, “Wow! That one looks nice.” or “That must have taken a long time.” I did feel better. That was until my inner voice started talking. I am not sure who that person is, but he didn’t have many nice things to say. I heard the voice in my head say, “That one is sloppy.” and “Why did they even bother to put up decorations if they were not going to take their time?” Here I was trying to find beauty and the holiday spirit and my inner dialogue turned into a holiday decoration critic. Then, I started getting down on myself for being negative.
We must remember that we are human. We must be forgiving and compassionate with ourselves. Especially during this busy season. As a solution to combat my newly negative self-talk, I have begun to listen to positive affirmations on the way to work in the morning. It places positive thoughts in my head before my head can come up with negative ones. Remember to be kind to ourselves the rest of the week. In what ways are you kind to yourself?
Thank you for taking the time to join us here at Secret2anamazinglife.com today. I appreciate the time you take to read the words I have to share with you and hope you leave here a little more inspired than when you arrived. Today I will be celebrating my mother’s birthday and this is a thought I think she would not only agree with, but personifies a great deal.
In today’s world everyone seems to be craving a special identity. The term ‘influencer’ barely existed 10 years ago. It would seem that people will do anything for their 15 minutes of fame. Here is the ironic thing, we do not need to have our faces, or any other body part, all over the internet to be famous. We all have an identity. This is true whether we realize it or not. Today I am going to share with you what that identity consists of and how to improve it. What you choose to do with this knowledge is up to you.
What you give is who you are. Have you ever thought about this before? Over two decades in the field of self-improvement and I have never quite heard it worded that way. The more I think about it, the more true it rings. We spend a great deal of time on trying to accumulate things in today’s world. The new car, the cool clothes and of course our little corner of the internet. All of this in an attempt to develop an identity. How many of us realize it is who we are in that car, what we do in those clothes and what we have to offer in our corner of the internet that make us who we are.
Think of something as simple as being kind to others. When we give kindness that is who we become – a kind person. We must be careful as the opposite is equally true. If we are someone who only gives the world complaints and negativity, that is who we become. It is not what we take or what we accumulate that defines who we are as much as what we give and leave behind. Once again I would like to reference my favorite quote by Denzel Washington, “You never see a U-Haul behind a hearse.” In other words, it is not what we accumulate that will define our legacy, but what we leave behind. That can be the time and effort we have given to those less fortunate. It can be the kind word or smile we share we a stranger who may be struggling. It is what we give that will forever define who we are. If you want to be someone special, learn to give.
I mentioned at the beginning of this post that is was my mother’s birthday today. She is a perfect example of giving as a legacy. She retired 9 years ago now. Since then she has worked even harder I think. She has taken care of many family members experiencing health challenges of different degrees. She volunteers at the zoo in our city. It happens to be one of our favorite places to go. She also is part of the local woman’s club, and helps supply the food pantry at her church. In other words, fills her time with giving. Speaking of the food pantry, a woman appreciated her donations, and her, so much she sent her a birthday card. My mother appreciated the card so much she gave the lady a hug and told her so. This, undoubtedly, made the lady feel good. It would probably motivate her to be kind to others or to my mother again. Do we show appreciation just to continue this cycle? Of course not. This is an example, however, of how continuous giving can create a world filled with love and appreciation. What a great legacy to leave behind! Happy birthday mom! Thank you for all of your giving.
There are so many guides to create success and abundance out there today. Even this site has many posts dedicated to improving your state both materially and financially. Why? In today’s society material wealth will help you create change, improve your health and provides many of the things we need. It is far from the greatest wealth. If you have great financial and material abundance but do not have peace in your soul, your life will be one of stress and misery. The old cliche that ‘money cannot buy happiness’ has a ring of truth to it. If you are not at peace with who you are and the life you are living, no amount of material wealth will make you happy.
One way to certainly add inner peace to your life is to do what the quote above says. That is to simply live with honor towards other people, animals and the earth in general. What does ‘live with honor’ mean exactly? It is not a subject often discussed at length today. Honor may be a word that seems dated. It should not be. Mutual respect towards all, especially those who are different or that we disagree with, is such a challenge many would rather not even think about it. It is that respect that can allow us to sleep well at night.
Mutual respect can be as simple as not causing harm to anyone. This is far more than not slapping that annoying coworker over the head. Harm can be gossiping behind someone’s back. It can be littering on the planet we all share. Yes, that also includes treating others harshly. This can be true even to someone who we may feel deserves it. Have you ever ‘gotten the better’ of someone in an argument and still felt terrible that night or the next morning? That is annoying isn’t it? You had the right to tell them off like you did, but it sill is eating away at your gut. That is because a lack of compassion, even for those who do not deserve it, is not right.
We never can completely know someone’s intent or the experiences or stories that have resulted in the actions they have taken. Another important point to consider is that it is not our right to judge. We do not deserve to be judged by others anymore than we have a right to do the same. Next time you feel the urge to gossip or say something hurtful, ask yourself the simple question “Would I like this very thing to be done to me?” The answer we know before the question is even said. If we cease to do this to others, will it still be done to us? Yes, sadly it will. That is not our concern. There is a saying that “What others think of you is none of your business.” While I think it could be helpful to learn if you are doing something that hurts others, I think it would be more valuable to work on making sure our intent is true.
If you want to be truly wealthy, take a pause from the investments and get rich quick schemes. Instead invest on the things that money cannot buy such as compassion and respect for others and for ourselves. Invest more on building inner peace than you invest on building your real estate portfolio. The dividends will be greater and you will end up with true wealth.
We discussed challenging times in our last post. If you haven’t had the chance to read it, perhaps it would serve you to do so after our time is finished today. The above quote was from a man who was imprisoned in a concentration camp in the second world war. That may be one of the most challenging situations to survive. Still, survive he did. He went on to write one of the most powerful books I have ever read, Man’s Search for Meaning. In this book he discusses how each inmates view of the future impacted his rate of survival in the camp.
I do not think any of us can imagine going through something as awful as one of those camps. That being said, the world today is not always an easy place to live in. The constant barrage of negative information that we are fed through the media can crack even the toughest shell. The price of even the most basic items seems to rise daily. Not to mention the price of the dreams so many of us hold dear in our hearts. All of this can lead to feelings of sadness, helplessness and depression. When we feel that our life is in a downward spiral and we have no control over it, what can we do then?
It is then that we are often faced with the pressure to make one of the most difficult, yet powerful, changes in our life. While it is true there are a great many things that are beyond our ability to control, there remains one that is. That item over which we have complete and utter control over is ourselves. The man or woman who stares back at us in the mirror is both our greatest responsibility and our greatest opportunity. The reality is that we cannot control a great deal of our life. Instead of putting our energy and focus on outside circumstances, we would be much better served putting that energy on improving ourselves.
This is in no way a judgmental statement. For this is something I must remind myself of daily. As many of you know, I struggle in the winter months. The lack of sunshine and cold weather seem to do a number on my ability to enjoy life as I should. It is easy to spend the day bemoaning the weather. Do you know what that does not change? The weather. That energy would be better spent working on self-care and projects to keep my spirits high. Your lament may certainly be different than mine, but one thing is certain, improving ourselves will improve every area of our life.
When you become a better version of yourself, every area of your life improves. This is not only true of an author with a raging case of seasonal affective disorder, but of everyone. When we focus on improving ourselves, even those situations over which we have no control will seem to fall more in line. At the very least we will be better equipped to face them.
This site, secret2anamazinglife.com, is generally filled with tools and strategies to live an…well…amazing life. How to succeed and excel in every area of your life. We touch on such important areas as your health, your career and your relationships. Somedays, pursuing lofty ideals do not even cross your mind. It does not escape my attention that there are days when all of us just struggle to make it through. There are days when the struggles of life weigh heavy and it seems the world is on our shoulders. On these days we may not be interested in hearing about self-care, certainly not self-improvement. We are just doing our best to make it through to the next sunrise. On some days it can take all we have to get out of bed. On the toughest of days, we might not even be able to do that.
It is for these very days that what we share with each other here is so important. When your world seems dark, the last thing you want to think about is being the light for others. That can seem impossible when you cannot see the light yourself. It is okay to have these days. There is nothing wrong with calling in sick to work when you feel a sadness you just can’t seem to shake. That is what sick days are for. We can suffer physically, mentally, but we can also suffer emotionally and spiritually. There are days when you may feel sick in your heart and spirit. Take the time you need. Even the strongest of us have days in which it can become too much for us to handle. There is no shame in that.
Days like that remind us of why the kindness we show each other is so important. That can be the kindness of a friend, or a simple, but powerful, smile from a stranger. We may not be having one of those days today but we know what it is like to have one. The smile on someone’s face can be hiding a pain we know nothing of. That is why it is important to stay together and help each other out on this journey we call life. Whether we like it or not, we are all in this together. The easier you make the journey of your fellow human, the easier yours will be too. Whether you are the one we needs to take a day to recover, or you are running into someone who does, we must stick together. Despite differences, despite disagreements, we must all show each other love and respect. Doing this we will be able to get through this together.
I have been involved in the world of self-improvement for over two decades now. I have seem many people, some with the best of intentions, try in vain to improve their lives. Why, when someone is so enthusiastic about improving their life do they fail to do so? It has to do mainly with their mindset when beginning the journey. Our attitude at the onset of a task has a great deal to do with the outcome. Sometimes more so than the circumstances in which we find ourselves surrounded with. That is why it is so important to get this right. To make preparations for the journey before we begin. You wouldn’t go for a long hike without making sure you brought enough water would you?
What is the proper mindset for self-improvement and what preparations should we be making? I think the quote from Mr. Churchill above gives us a few answers. To begin with, we must understand that improving our life is not a linear journey. There will be peaks and valleys. When some experience a setback, they feel that their journey is not working. The setbacks we experience in life often are some of the best teachers and provide knowledge we cannot gain in any other way. We need to prepare for them. We need to do more than understand from an intellectual standpoint that they are coming. We need to prepare for them emotionally as well. How you do this will depend a great deal on you as an individual.
Some things that work for a great deal of people include, but are not limited to the following. One of the most powerful things you can do is to understand your ‘why’ for improving your life. What happens if you do not improve your life? What happens if you stay the same? This might be a good time to scare yourself a little. Does your family have a history of cancer or heart disease? That might be a good motivation to stay in shape. Then there is the other side of the spectrum. What will happen if you do succeed in your efforts? Will you gain the respect and admiration of your spouse or family? Will you have more energy to play with your children or work on your passion project?
You must also create ways of maintaining your enthusiasm. This can be planning little rewards for yourself when you reached certain points of your self-improvement journey. If you are trying to lose a good amount of weight, make sure to honor yourself along the way or it may feel like you will never get there. It also includes giving yourself a little pain when you mess up. Just make sure to not beat yourself up so bad that you feel like giving up. If you binge on a couple of doughnuts after a month of eating good? Yes, realize you made a mistake, but also realize that maybe you used to do it once a week. Keep your enthusiasm. Keep working towards your goal.
One of the main things you can do to assist in this is to keep your goal in front of you. This can be something as simple as an affirmation on the bathroom mirror or more involved like a vision board. Keep your reason for maintaining your effort in front of you too. It could be a picture of your children, your husband or wife. Whatever the reason that will make you push harder when much of you is telling yourself to give up. Make these preparations, and develop this mindset at the beginning and the journey will be a lot easier.
Today we play the Super Bowl here in the United States. It is one of the most watched sporting events. Ironically, or tragically, instead of bringing people together, it has seem to create a lot of division. Not only about this team or that, but even now about who plays the musical entertainment during halftime. Rather silly if you ask me. There is something a great deal of these people are missing and you might be too. That is your super power.
In these times of crazy politics, division and in many places all out war, people have grown weary. It can be a chore every time you come across the news. I find myself missing the days of my youth. Then we were all full of energy and a good amount of blissful ignorance. There is a great difference between being informed and inundated. It can be hard to escape the world when it comes to us in so many different forms. There is of course social media which can be found on our laptops, cell phones and many other places. There are friends, family and coworkers. We hear things on the radio at work and the television in the waiting room at the mechanic. It can leave you exhausted.
There are two scary facts about this situation. First fact is that the news and world events are not going anywhere. It matters little what party is in power or what time of the year it is. Media will continue to put the big scary stuff in front of us because it sells. The media is not about making sure our emotional well-being is taken care of. There are not even really about bringing us information. Much like any other business, the media is about making money. The way you do that is to get people addicted to viewing their platform. The way to do that much of the time is through fear.
The second, and perhaps scarier fact, is that all of this fear and exhaustion takes a toll on us. This may not be a shock to many of us, but it is worth spending a second to think about. The toll is physical, mental, emotional and spiritual. It can lead to much more than living in a state of exhaustion. It lowers our ability to fight disease. It will increase the chance of conflict between ourselves and others. After all, who hasn’t reacted poorly just because you were exhausted? It reduces the amount of joy we can experience even in the good times. I don’t know about your life, but in my life there are far too many amazing people to enjoy fully that I do not want to show up already out of gas. It is like working yourself to death for a vacation and when you get there you are so tired you sleep through it.
Many of us feel like we are sleep walking our way through life. The cure is to use our superpower! What is that superpower? Self-care. That might sound soft of cliche to some of you, but reserve your judgement. Let us use our vacation example. Would you rather show up to vacation drained with no energy or would you like to show up ready to experience and fully enjoy all the vacation has to offer? Why should your answer be any different for life? Life becomes more of a job and less of a vacation when we are constantly making our way through it running on empty. That is why self-care is so important. Taking time for it should be a requirement, not a luxury.
Many of us are afraid to turn down a social obligation or use a mental health day at work because we think it will make us look weak. Making yourself a priority allows you to show up bringing your best self. That is a gift you can give your boss and more importantly, your friends and family. Self-care is different for everyone. Someone may need peace and solitude. Some may need to meet a friend for coffee. I personally enjoy a chair on the beach next to my lovely lady. Whatever your definition of self-care is, make sure you not only make it a priority, you schedule it. When people know you have an ongoing date with your self-care, they are more likely to respect it. Take care of yourself and you will be far better prepared to take care of others and the world around you.
We touched on this a few posts ago with a few specific examples. In more general terms, we should just treat each other with far more kindness and compassion. We never know the complete story behind anyone. We certainly would not want anyone to know our complete story either. Keeping that in mind, why would we leap to conclusions about another?
It can be easy to be convinced by media, or even by social media what is the truth about a group of people. Do your best to be reserved in your judgement. I cannot think of any group, be they social, political or anything else, where everyone is the same. I am not sure what I find more appalling, the fact that the powers that be think we would believe everyone in a group is exactly the same, be that good or bad, or the fact that many of us do believe such a thing.
Next time you see or hear someone telling you a story about an entire group of people, ask yourself a simple question. If you could gather any group of people would they be exactly the same? Would they all have the same history and the same story? Of course they would not. Understand that people have all sorts of experiences that we may never know. Be patient, be kind.
It can be hard to deal with some challenging people. Maybe they are always negative and complaining. Maybe they are impatient or judgemental? One way to look at the situation is ask yourself, “What can this person teach me?” These answers can range from ‘how to be patient’ to ‘what not to be like as a human’. Either way, every negative person in our life brings us a gift in the form of a teaching. We should not miss the gift just because we do not like the wrapping paper.
We will end this on a positive note. Think about how grateful you are for the people who bring light and medicine to your life. This can be someone who always listens. It can be someone who always brings a smile. There are people who just make us feel better by their presence.
This post should be coming to you from the Luxury Bahia Principe in Runaway Jamaica. Alas, due to the hurricane last year, our hotel was unable to open. Sadly, we were not told of this until recently. We certainly wish them well and look forward to visiting the country in the near future. Now the time we had planned to escape will be dedicated to spending time loving each other at home.
The reason I bring this up today is that is goes along with the quote we are featuring in today’s post. Just as life should be measured by depth and not length, so should the experiences of life. It may not often work out like we had hoped, but it is more about making the most of how it did work out. The Stoics have a saying – Amor Fati. It translate to ‘love fate’. It means to fully embrace the situation that we find ourselves in. This is not to say I am not grumbling a little about my trip being canceled, but instead working to find the pluses in the situation. It gives me some more time to work on my beach body. This I believe I last had in 2013, but we will get there. It allows me to save some money for an adventure while I am there. Perhaps the weather will be more to my liking? Apologies to the love of my life who likes it a little cooler.
We must work to make the best of every situation we find ourselves in. We never know when the length of our life will end, so we should make it as deep as we can. Enjoy every coffee with friends, every romantic night with your spouse, and every warm ray of sun. In addition, find ways to enjoy situations you face daily. Your daily commute? Find ways to add depth to that. There are some great suggestions in my book Living the Dream. You could listen to a life-changing audio book. Look to find things you love as you drive along. Muse things you have to be grateful for. Do not like your job? You and 87% of others are in the same boat. Find ways in which to add smiles to your coworkers and customers. Look for ways in which your job matters. Be grateful for the opportunity to work. Many would give anything to have a job.
Adding depth to life is not so much about changing circumstances as it is about changing mindset. Adding gratitude and being present can add a great amount of depth to your life. Keep in mind the Stoic phrase Amor Fati. Learn to embrace the life you are living while striving to make it better. We never know when the length of our life will come to an end so we owe it to ourselves to make it as deep as possible.
I like this quote. It is an easy way for us to think when we encounter a challenge in life. It is much like encountering a closed road. We would not throw our hands up and abandon the trip. We should do the same for our life and our goals. We can adjust the route. Maybe take a detour, but keep our eyes on the destination.
This year, let us embrace the detours and see what we can learn along the way. Success is never linear. When we experience a delay, it is not a denial. It just may be a detour. Although these are seldom appreciated at the moment, it may be just what we need.
SECRET 2 AN AMAZING LIFE 