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HUMP DAY REMINDER 🐫

This is an important and much needed reminder. There are so many of us that work so hard to make the world a better place and bring joy to others. Those same people are often the hardest on themselves. Check your inner conversation. Is it motivating? Recently, I noticed that my inner conversation started to lean a little more to the negative than I would care for. I mentioned to Margie, “I need to work on being more positive.” She gave me a look that showed her shock with my statement. I should have been a little more specific. My outer conversation was still very positive. However, my inner conversation was not. Allow me to give you an example. Winter is always difficult for me. The cold, the lack of life, it all has me feeling down. I decided to add a way to help with this. I decided to appreciate the effort and beauty behind the decorations people put up for the holidays.

On the outside I did pretty good. Whether I was with others, or by myself. I would remark, “Wow! That one looks nice.” or “That must have taken a long time.” I did feel better. That was until my inner voice started talking. I am not sure who that person is, but he didn’t have many nice things to say. I heard the voice in my head say, “That one is sloppy.” and “Why did they even bother to put up decorations if they were not going to take their time?” Here I was trying to find beauty and the holiday spirit and my inner dialogue turned into a holiday decoration critic. Then, I started getting down on myself for being negative.

We must remember that we are human. We must be forgiving and compassionate with ourselves. Especially during this busy season. As a solution to combat my newly negative self-talk, I have begun to listen to positive affirmations on the way to work in the morning. It places positive thoughts in my head before my head can come up with negative ones. Remember to be kind to ourselves the rest of the week. In what ways are you kind to yourself?

GET DEEP

This post should be coming to you from the Luxury Bahia Principe in Runaway Jamaica. Alas, due to the hurricane last year, our hotel was unable to open. Sadly, we were not told of this until recently. We certainly wish them well and look forward to visiting the country in the near future. Now the time we had planned to escape will be dedicated to spending time loving each other at home.

The reason I bring this up today is that is goes along with the quote we are featuring in today’s post. Just as life should be measured by depth and not length, so should the experiences of life. It may not often work out like we had hoped, but it is more about making the most of how it did work out. The Stoics have a saying – Amor Fati. It translate to ‘love fate’. It means to fully embrace the situation that we find ourselves in. This is not to say I am not grumbling a little about my trip being canceled, but instead working to find the pluses in the situation. It gives me some more time to work on my beach body. This I believe I last had in 2013, but we will get there. It allows me to save some money for an adventure while I am there. Perhaps the weather will be more to my liking? Apologies to the love of my life who likes it a little cooler.

We must work to make the best of every situation we find ourselves in. We never know when the length of our life will end, so we should make it as deep as we can. Enjoy every coffee with friends, every romantic night with your spouse, and every warm ray of sun. In addition, find ways to enjoy situations you face daily. Your daily commute? Find ways to add depth to that. There are some great suggestions in my book Living the Dream. You could listen to a life-changing audio book. Look to find things you love as you drive along. Muse things you have to be grateful for. Do not like your job? You and 87% of others are in the same boat. Find ways in which to add smiles to your coworkers and customers. Look for ways in which your job matters. Be grateful for the opportunity to work. Many would give anything to have a job.

Adding depth to life is not so much about changing circumstances as it is about changing mindset. Adding gratitude and being present can add a great amount of depth to your life. Keep in mind the Stoic phrase Amor Fati. Learn to embrace the life you are living while striving to make it better. We never know when the length of our life will come to an end so we owe it to ourselves to make it as deep as possible.

USE YOUR GPS!

I like this quote. It is an easy way for us to think when we encounter a challenge in life. It is much like encountering a closed road. We would not throw our hands up and abandon the trip. We should do the same for our life and our goals. We can adjust the route. Maybe take a detour, but keep our eyes on the destination.

This year, let us embrace the detours and see what we can learn along the way. Success is never linear. When we experience a delay, it is not a denial. It just may be a detour. Although these are seldom appreciated at the moment, it may be just what we need.

THE PERFECT RELATIONSHIP? ELEMENTARY MY DEAR WATSON

One of my best skills, and the one I am asked about most often, is the ability to develop rapport with others. For years I recommended reading How to Win Friends and Influence People. That is my favorite book and I have read no less than 10 times. It has some great clues, but did not give the full picture.

Dale Carnegie was not the relationship master I had solely drawn from. The other was notorious for not having good relationships. Clues were exactly what lead to this revelation while I was in the shower moments ago. It seems that is where all of our good thinking happens.

One of my favorite movies of my youth was Young Sherlock Holmes. It gives the childhood back story of one of the world’s greatest detectives. That, my friends, is exactly what creating rapport and fostering great relationships takes! You must become a great detective.

In Sherlock Holmes stories and movies, he always tells you the observations and assertions he uses to solve a case. People are one big detective case in themselves. The more we observe to learn, the better our chances of  a great interaction with them will be.

This can be noticing small details such as what their clothes can tell you. Are they using their right or left hand predominantly? What turn of phrase do they seem to use often? They may not give us all of the answers, but can give us clues to explore.

We could spend hours breaking this down, but instead I encourage you to try it out today. Give yourself two distinct challenges. First, pick a person you do not know that well. It could be a person you run into in a service capacity, a coworker or anyone else. Make as many observations on them as you can. Take mental notes and see what they can tell you by putting them all together. Tougher still, try doing this with someone you already know. See what things you can learn that you don’t already know. The better you know them, the tougher the case, but the bigger the rewards!

Treating relationships as cases to be solved may sound rather crude, but it can lead to an astounding deepening of connection. It may also surprise you with how many things you miss. Clues that can make cheering them up, buying the perfect gift and growing closer to them easier than you could ever imagine.

LEARN TO FAIL PROPERLY

How many times do you have to try something before learning it? Two times? Three times? Thomas Edison failed more than 1000 times before inventing the electric light bulb. Can you imagine sticking with something that long? I am not sure that I would. The point of all of this is that the amount of times that you do not succeed at something in life will always outnumber the times that you do succeed. In other words, you will fail a lot more than you succeed. Knowing this, you would think that failure would be a well-studied subject. On the contrary. Most people do not like to think about failure, much less study it.

If failure is something we are going to experience often in our life, should we not spend some time learning how to do it properly? Many of you might be asking how can you ‘fail properly’? Don’t you just fail or succeed? The average person does, yes. If we are looking to create an amazing life, it involves learning to put everything that occurs in our life to work for us. This includes failure. How can we do that? The first step is changing our mindset around failure. We must see it for what it is – a learning experience. Your muscles do not grow in the gym without encountering resistance. The same is true for you as a person. You only grow when you encounter resistance. In fact, the bigger the resistance, the bigger you must grow to overcome it. Just as the heavier weight in the gym requires more muscle growth. The photo above may seem cliche, but it is 100% true. Failure is a ‘first attempt at learning’. You do not learn much if you succeed at things the first time. It also would lead to a boring life eventually.

The second step to making failure work for us is learning to mine it. Yes, it is time to imagine ourselves as miners and see what we can get out of failure. The obvious may be the lessons and knowledge. If you have ever tried to put out a grease fire with water, you will soon learn, in spectacular fashion, that is the exact opposite thing you should do. It is a failure in the moment, but you will never put water on a grease fire again. You gained that knowledge. How about trusting someone with a secret only to discover they told everyone they know? Failed in that judge of character, but learned they cannot be trusted with confidential information. In addition, if there is something you want to get out, perhaps this was the person to tell. In each case you walked away with more knowledge than you went in with.

Another thing we gain from failure is resilience. If we always succeeded, how tough would we be when faced with a challenge? Not very. Failure teaches us perseverance, patience, and mental and emotional fortitude. These are lessons that you cannot learn with success. Therefore, failure is actually something we can be grateful for. It gives us a kind of strength that success never could. You owe it to yourself to learn how to fail properly. We are all going to do it in life. We should learn to do it in a way that will give us an amazing life!

STOP AND THINK

Here is a post that should not have to be written, but must be read. There are so many out there jumping to conclusions and often doing so without compassion or understanding. Think of the picture above. We may see a man who appears to be emotional, sad or moved to tears. Many would think he was ‘not manly’ or worse make fun of him. They would not ask why he is in such an emotional state or even ponder to consider what may make him so vulnerable in public.

Parents, you may think it is no big deal that your child is a bully. Not only can that lead to some deplorable adults, but think of the photo above. The child being attacked and bullied at school could be the very one being abused at home. When will this become too much for the child to take? None of us know. What would be tragic is if actions taken by another child would push them over the edge and lead to that child taking their own lives. Not only would that result in the loss of one life, but the guilt the other child would be forced to live with would be a second tragedy. Teach your children to live and treat others with kindness and compassion.

Here is another one that can break your heart. Many of the elderly are ignored or looked down upon for one reason or another. They should be treasured. It is them who have paved the way for all of us. Think of the example sighted above. People may look at an old man who has scars on him, or other physical, or even mental, ailments. How many of us stop and think that he could have received them fighting for our country? He could have been burned trying to save a family from a fire. We never know the story behind the people we see. None of us would like to be judged without understanding or compassion. We should afford the same rights to others.

Going forward, let us all make a conscious effort to understand others. Let us treat them with the love and compassion we so strongly crave in our own lives. We impact the lives of all of those we come in contact with to one degree or another. Let us do our best to make sure it is in a positive way.

A GREAT DAY FOR THIS!

There are a lot of crazy and negative things going on in the world today. It can be a lot just to make it through the day. One can begin to wonder what we can do to rally against all of this negativity. The answer is a little counter intuitive. It can be found in the picture above. Have a great day. You may find yourself thinking, “How can I have a great day when the day around me is far from great?” That is exactly when we need to have great days the most. It can be hard to not let outside circumstances dictate our inner condition. Not only is it possible, but it is really how we were meant to live. We cannot let the negativity win. How can we accomplish that? It involves a change of mindset.

A personal example for me is as follows. I am currently dealing with a fractured, and who knows what else, foot. It is preventing me from working out as I would like to do. Not to mention it hurts fairly bad. It is well below freezing where I live and has been for weeks. I am a fan of the sun and beach. The vacation I had planned next Wednesday to get away was recently canceled due to the hotel being hit by a hurricane. As you can see, I have plenty of reasons I could feel down. Do you know what else is equally true? I was able to go to the gym this morning and workout in different ways. I went out to lunch with Margie and my mother. We had one of our favorite servers, Estela. Then I went to write these blogs and look what they wrote on my cup! Both of these lists of items are true and factual. Focusing on one would have me frustrated and depressed. Focusing on the other will have me feeling grateful and happy. That is why it is a great day to have a great day.

The news can have you believe the sky is falling. In many ways there are lots of crazy things happening. This is not about denying any of that. What it is about is reminding ourselves how many good things are still out there. If we choose, we can make a great day out of anything. Why not make today a great day?

THE POWER OF CHOICE

Far too many of us feel that we are victims of our emotions. We allow circumstances determine our emotional well-being. Yes, it is true that I would find it happier to be on a beach in the tropics instead of here in Wisconsin where the temperature has been below freezing for weeks. If I am depressed, it is because I have chosen to be. Instead, could I focus on what i have to be grateful for? Of course.

One of my favorite Bob Marley lyrics compares complaining to prayers to the devil. When we complain, it brings down the mood of not only those around us,  but ourselves as well. Without action, complaining is less than useless it is counter-productive.

Gossip is another one. We can choose to talk bad about those we feel deserve it, or we could instead build up those we think are amazing. There are 2 reasons to do the latter. The first one should be obvious. It will make you, and those around you, in a better mood. Even more importantly, is how it reflects on you. They may not say it, but when all people hear you say is negative things about others, they will wonder what you are saying about them when they are not around.

Feel free to read through the first photo and ask yourself what choices you could improve on. None of this means denying reality. It is choosing which aspect of reality to focus on!

ARE YOU GUILTY?

This is something I think all of us are guilty of to some degree. I’ve been guilty of it even after I knew better. The irony is that by listening to understand, you are in a position to formulate a better reply.

Listening to understand instead of reply is so rare that it will make you stand out.  Showing genuine concern and compassion for others will not only reflect well on you, it will have others reciprocating.

The next time you are feeling frustrated that someone does not appear to be truly listening to you, use that frustration to remind yourself not to do the same. Your friends will thank you. Your spouse will thank you.

YOU MADE IT THROUGH!

This is more for my friends in the Northern hemisphere. For someone who is a fan of warm weather and sunshine, but lives in a state with 9 months of winter, this is a glimmer of hope. Although this graphic is about the weather, in many ways in mimics life in general. We have dark periods in our life. Much like the weather, we have little or no control over outside circumstances. What we can do is find ways to change our mindset and find ways in which to find as much light in the darkness as we can. Sometimes that consists in just knowing that the darkness does not last forever.

Another way in which this is like life is that the seasons are cyclical. Every year there is a dark period followed by a period of rebirth and growth. Life is much the same. We have periods of darkness. There are times when nothing seems to be going right. People pass away, jobs are lost and health is compromised. After which, we find a period of light. We find a job that we enjoy more, or perhaps pays better. We gain our health and maybe make some new friends. Knowing that there are cycles to this crazy adventure we call life can help us better appreciate and make it through some of the darker times.

As of right now, those of us in the north have made it through some of the darkest days. There will be some challenges ahead to be sure. The days will continue to grow longer and eventually the temperatures will rise as well. Knowing this helps us make it through the snow and frigid weather. Just like knowing there will be a brighter time in our life can help us make it through the darker times. We have done it before and we will do it again!

NOT AN EXPENSE, AN INVESTMENT.

With seemingly everything becoming more expensive these days, everyone is looking for ways to save a little here and there. Sadly, one of the areas people cut off first is investing in their lives. One great way to improve your life is to change this mindset. View everything as weather it is an expense or an investment. A gym membership can be a great investment. If you go consistently, it will save you on sick time, medicine and stress. It will also add energy and the ability to do more. If, however, you are not going to use it, than it will be nothing more than an expense.

While making these discernments, be careful not to justify expenses as investments. What I mean is that if you are going to buy a new cell phone, even though your current one is working just fine, you could say that it will allow you to work more efficiently from more locations. While that could be true, if you are only could to use it to watch random reels on social media, be honest with yourself. In that case it is an expense. If you buy a great book on how to make better use of your time, but only use it as a paper weight, than it goes from investment to an expense.

As we are all looking to spend wiser and save more, make sure you are doing so wisely. Make sure to continue to invest in yourself. Remember the better you take care of yourself, the more you will be able to do for your friends and family. The best investment you can make is the one you make in yourself.