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HUMP DAY REMINDER 🐫

This is an important and much needed reminder. There are so many of us that work so hard to make the world a better place and bring joy to others. Those same people are often the hardest on themselves. Check your inner conversation. Is it motivating? Recently, I noticed that my inner conversation started to lean a little more to the negative than I would care for. I mentioned to Margie, “I need to work on being more positive.” She gave me a look that showed her shock with my statement. I should have been a little more specific. My outer conversation was still very positive. However, my inner conversation was not. Allow me to give you an example. Winter is always difficult for me. The cold, the lack of life, it all has me feeling down. I decided to add a way to help with this. I decided to appreciate the effort and beauty behind the decorations people put up for the holidays.

On the outside I did pretty good. Whether I was with others, or by myself. I would remark, “Wow! That one looks nice.” or “That must have taken a long time.” I did feel better. That was until my inner voice started talking. I am not sure who that person is, but he didn’t have many nice things to say. I heard the voice in my head say, “That one is sloppy.” and “Why did they even bother to put up decorations if they were not going to take their time?” Here I was trying to find beauty and the holiday spirit and my inner dialogue turned into a holiday decoration critic. Then, I started getting down on myself for being negative.

We must remember that we are human. We must be forgiving and compassionate with ourselves. Especially during this busy season. As a solution to combat my newly negative self-talk, I have begun to listen to positive affirmations on the way to work in the morning. It places positive thoughts in my head before my head can come up with negative ones. Remember to be kind to ourselves the rest of the week. In what ways are you kind to yourself?

HAPPINESS IS FOUND IN 3 THINGS

Happiness is quite the topic lately. Billions of dollars spent by people trying to obtain it. Thousands of books written every year telling us how to find it. I even wrote one. (A Happy Life for Busy People) Most people would like you to believe that happiness is a subject far too complicated to be understood by the average person. They point to all of the successful people who have not figured it out yet. Movie stars that suffer from depression. Rock stars that turn to drugs or alcohol to cope with the inability to find it. Examples are everywhere.

I believe that the complication is part of the problem. Looking at the photo above, 3 simple things can help us increase the amount of happiness in our life. Let us tackle them one at a time. Letting go of what was. In self-improvement circles they say if you are depressed, you are living in the past. Stressing over what is done and can’t be changed is a foolish endeavor. You can mine the lesson out of the experience. You can occasionally use the pain of the reminder to motivate you to be better in the present, but beyond that, let it go. Much like driving, we glance in the rearview mirror, but look through the windshield. It is good to glance back at your past and see if anything is sneaking up to affect your present, but go back to looking out the windshield. Just like staring in the rearview mirror while driving will cause you to crash, living in the past will cause your present life to come crashing down around you.

The second enjoying what is, should be a no-brainer. Why would you not do your best to enjoy your current life? Many delay their happiness until some future event. That is also a foolish course of action. I have been listening to a lot of Inky Johnson. If you do not know who he is, I highly recommend a quick Google search and listen. When people tell him, “I will do it tomorrow.” Which I imagine includes feeling grateful and enjoying what you do have in life. He answers them with the question, “Who promised you that?” Meaning that tomorrow is not a given. There are so many of us who went to bed with plans for tomorrow who never woke up. That is a sad reality. Also a sad reality is people who never stop to feel grateful for all that they have and all that is right in their life. Yes, we all face challenges. Yes, some are worse than others. All of us, however, have many things to be grateful for if only we stopped to focus on them.

Lastly is having faith in what will be. How many times have you laid in bed full of worry for what tomorrow will bring? You would be better served being as prepared as you can be and getting the proper amount of rest. There is a saying that the best assurance for a good future is to create it today. The future and the past are two things that exist only in our minds. One has been over and done with. The other has not even happened yet. The only way to affect either is to do something in the present. You want to improve the past? Use it to learn from. You want to have a good future? Do something to improve your life today. The present is the only time we can act in. The future is not only up to us, but as we discussed earlier, it is not guaranteed.

Work on these three things daily. Letting go of the past. Enjoying the present. Having faith in the future. If you do this with any amount of effort and consistency, the level of happiness in your life is sure to increase.

BE CONTAGIOUS

In a post-Covid world this could be an alarming title. What we are talking about here is authenticity. We are talking about courage. So many of us do our best to hide what perceive as our faults. Filters on our pictures on social media. Holding back our laugh because we think it sounds funny. There are a million other examples. Can you think of some in your own life? Nobody wants to look like they are less than perfect. There are so many benefits by doing so.

To start, it is liberating. When you become comfortable with people knowing your perceived shortcomings, it takes the power away from them. If you are comfortable with them, nothing anyone else says can upset you. That is a very freeing feeling. Second, it is vital to becoming the best version of ourselves. Admitting and working on our imperfections is the first step to improving them. If we pretend the do not exist, or spend a good deal of our energy hiding them, it will slow our self-improvement.

Lastly, the quote above reminds us that by being comfortable with our perceived imperfections, the more we give others permission to do the same. It can be contagious. Can you imagine asking all of your friends to try not to show anything that is less than perfect about themselves? Hopefully you cannot. Most people would consider that pretty rude. Not to mention, you would never get to fully know what makes up your friend. The crazy part is we basically say that very thing to ourself. By changing our inner-dialogue, we give permission for others to do the same. We get to know each other on a more deeper and intimate level. That will only strengthen our friendship.

Did you notice something else that I did throughout this discussion? I used the word perceived in front of imperfections. The reason I did that is very important. You may think your laugh is ridiculous, and it may be, but it may bring joy and a smile to the hearts of all who hear it. What you view as an imperfection may be a gift to others. What you spend your time and energy trying to hide may be just what the rest of the world needs. Even just having the courage to be imperfect can eliminate a lot of stress for those around you. Let this be contagious. Be brave enough to embrace every aspect of yourself and you give others permission to do the same!

THE PURPOSE OF KNOWLEDGE

Being a life-long learner, this a good reminder. The reason to learn anything is to put it to use. Even those who teach are taking actions to put their knowledge to use. This is often what people who practice the law of attraction get wrong. Yes, visualizing is important and helpful. Especially to gain clarity and direction for both your conscious and subconscious mind. If all we do is sit in our living room and visualize, someone will eventually come and take the furniture. In other words, we must take action based on that knowledge and visualization.

When you learn something new, you should ask yourself, “How can I apply this to improve my life?” Whether that is a new self-improvement technique or a relationship tip. If you have all of the knowledge in the world but do not act, you may as well have no knowledge at all. Action often increases knowledge. There have been self-improvement techniques I have learned throughout my life that when applied, have needed a little tweaking. Information I would not have known had I not put them into action.

Finally, there should be the obvious point. If you acquire a piece of knowledge that can positively transform your life, but do not put it into action, your life will not transform at all. In fact, it could end up moving backwards. By putting knowledge into action we begin to become the best version of ourselves. Do you know the only thing worse than having no knowledge at all? Having the knowledge and doing nothing with it. In my mind that is a far greater sin than remaining ignorant. Be honest with yourself today. Is there some knowledge that you know will transform your life but you haven’t done anything with it? Now would be the best time to get up and put it into action!

A CRUCIAL MONDAY REMINDER

This is a good reminder for any day, but this post happens to come out on a Monday, so there we are. Recently, I did something that I have not done for over a year. I called in sick to my day job. For the last 2 weeks, I have not been eating or sleeping right all while pushing my body physically. I woke up feeling like I had been run over by a truck. Normally, I always feel a little guilt when I call in. This time it was clear that it was the smart thing to do. My body basically told me, “You could make it through, but it would not be a good idea.”

On the same day I ran into our friend Cindy at the coffee shop while getting some writing done. She told me that she had quit her job of over 20 years. The commute time had tripled for her and they had recently let her boss go. That was the last straw for our friend. Cindy is in a position where this is a possibility. Never quit your job without have adequate income lined up.

The point of both Cindy and my situations was the same. Value yourself over your job. Yes, it is very important to have a good work ethic. I believe that gives you self-confidence and a good self-image. Continually sacrificing yourself for the company is a fool’s errand. Yes, they may appreciate it. Yes, maybe it will help you climb the corporate ladder. The question is, at what cost? Are you sacrificing your relationships? Your health? Your home life? The knowledge that your job will move on it what will be a shockingly quick amount of time, where your family and friends may never move on.

Being a dependable and solid worker is part of becoming the best version of yourself. So is setting boundaries and respecting your health, both mental and physical. If you run yourself to the ground, you will not show up as the best version of yourself. Then you will be more likely to make mistakes and not do a good job. Working hard, but taking the time you need to remain healthy is a balance you must discover for yourself. Just remember to make you, and your family the priority.

YOU ARE NOT LAZY!

How may of us feel paralyzed by inaction? I would gather in a world filled with options and stimulation, that answer would be quite a few people. It can set us up with a negative mindset. We can get down on ourselves, asking why we are not getting more done. We may even call ourselves lazy. The truth is that we are trying to do far too many things at the same time.

I recall when I was growing up and when I had entered the workforce, the phrase you heard everywhere was ‘multi-tasking’. Which means you should be working on accomplishing several things all at the same time. My guess is that some corporate bigwig invented that idea with the thought that he would have to pay less employees. Trying to accomplish several things at the same time is like chasing two rabbits and expecting to catch both of them. It just doesn’t happen.

From a more scientific standpoint, the amount of time your brain takes to lock in and focus is roughly 23 minutes. That is when you are operating with peak efficiency. Can you see how jumping from one task to another you will never be able to give your best to anything. You would be far better off, from a productivity standpoint, to focus on one item on your to do list for a specific amount of time. Ideally, longer than 23 minutes. Then move on to the next one. By doing so, you will likely complete more and do so in a more efficient time frame. In addition, you will do a better job on each task.

As we go into the week full of tasks that need to be done, remember to focus on one at a time. Even if you have several that need attending to, schedule time for each one and approach them that way. You will feel more productive and you will be more productive.

HOW TO STAND OUT IN A CRAZY WORLD

Before we get into the actual quote above, I would like you to ponder something. If someone offered to pay you five coins to help them move would you? Most of you would think “No way am I helping someone move for a little bit of change!” I can understand that thought. What if I told you those coins were made of gold? That might change your mind. The value of five coins depends on the value of each one. They could be worth next to nothing, or as in the example of our gold coins, worth quite a bit.

You may be thinking, “That is a great lesson in economics Neil. What does it have to do with living an amazing life?” That is where we get back to the quote above. Words are much like coins. There are many people who talk just to hear the sound of their own voice. Their words are worth less. There are people who gossip. There words, much like those who complain, are actually a negative. There are also people who are thoughtful. There are people who inspire. Their words are worth gold.

How about you? Do you talk because you feel like you need to make noise, or do you only speak when you feel like your words will add something to the situation? Do you use your words for idle gossip or complaining? Bob Marley once said, “Complaints are like prayers to the devil.” I could not agree more. I feel we should all devote more of our time, thought, effort and yes words, to inspiring others. To uplift and encourage others is far better than to point out how they were wrong. Make your words more valuable by using them for good and only when necessary.

SNAKE BITES HAPPEN TO US ALL

This quote seems to logical when it comes to snakes. Why would you try to prove to a snake that it should not have bit you? Even trying to answer the reasons why the snake bit you would do nothing to help you heal from the bite. You first priority would be to heal the bite. Then, if you are so inclined, discover what prompted the snake to bite you in the first place. That way you could avoid being bitten in the future.

Why this is not common sense when it comes to people and the hurt that they cause us is beyond me. Maybe it has to do with emotions that come with it. Perhaps, unlike snakes, they can communicate with us. Still, the logic is the same. When we are hurt by someone, we must first address healing that hurt. It could be asking why it hurt us. Sometimes that answer is obvious. Sometimes it takes a little reflection. Then, we must ask what we need to begin the healing from that. This could involve a great many things. Then we take those actions.

The point of all this is that healing comes from within. If we are waiting for an apology, it may never come. If we are needing a reason why we were hurt, we may never discover it. Snakes are just snakes. They bite because that is what they do. The same holds true for many human snakes. Yes, it could be they felt they were in danger. Yes, it could be that they were injured and hurting which made them more likely to lash out. We will only be able to logically understand this if we heal first. The answers we are seeking may allude us if we are still hurting when we search for them. Some hurts may never heal, but we at least much endeavor to do so before anything else.

THIS IS TRUE WEAKNESS

In a world rank with division and political ideology, changing your mind can feel like, and be viewed as treason. The truth couldn’t be more different.

When we are children, we are understandably changing our mind and growing. Somehow as adults, we are expected to be more rigid in our thinking and our opinions. This is not only incorrect, it is ludicrous! Neuroplasticity, or the ability for the brain to learn and adapt, slows with age. You must ask yourself, how much of this is biological, and how much is social pressure?

When your opinion changes how you align with others in a group, they may be quick to turn on your. It takes strength to go against the tide when new knowledge and facts propel you to do so. Many people will deny facts to maintain an opinion tied to their social identity. It takes great courage to be able to admit, in light of new facts, that your original opinion was incorrect.

When we see others do this, show them compassion. Better yet, respect the strength of character it took take this brave action. Changing your mind when facts change is growth. Not doing so is pride and vanity.

MY PATH TO FINDING THE RIGHT PARTNER

Working in the self improvement field, there are times when people ask my advice on relationships. It doesn’t hurt that I have a relationship most people would love to have. It may appear from the outside that our love comes naturally. That is good. Behind the scenes we both put in a lot of hard work to enjoy the love that we do.

My advice for anytime someone asks is to work on being the best version of themselves. That way, should you discover in the end that you are not right for each other, you not only come out as a better version of yourself than when you started, but you also have far fewer regrets.

The above quote begins “Man to man” but the gender is not important. What is important is that we take the steps listed above, and any other we think will help us improve, to continually improve. We do this as much for ourselves as we do for the person we are in the relationship with. Every aspect of your life improves when you do.

Not in a relationship? That’s great too! Instead of seeing who you can “get” at the current moment, focus on yourself. Work on becoming the best ‘you’ there can be. Keep your eyes open as you do. When the right person comes along, being the best version of yourself gives the relationship the best chance of success.

LOVE THROUGH A CORN DOG?

Last week, I had posted about being on vacation and attending our wonderful state fair. The Wisconsin State Fair brought many fun memories again this year. Great bands, great shows, wonderful food, but most importantly, time with family and friends.

I was lucky enough to have a few days with my lovely lady. We always get a coupon book that makes the whole experience a lot more affordable. One of the foods she enjoys eating during the fair is a corn dog. We were going to grab one a few times, but usually ended up too full by the time we got to the stand.

One day while I was wondering around by myself and missing her, I reached in my pocket and pulled out this corn dog coupon we were going to use. It made me think of how lucky I was to have such a wonderful partner to share things like the state fair with.

In life, there are reminders all around us of the special people in our lives. Reminders of things we should be grateful for. We often dismiss them as everyday objects. Perhaps they mean more to us after a person has passed away.

One of the secrets to an amazing life is to call your attention to these items while they are present. Spend some time pondering what they represent and the people you care about. It will increase the amount of love and gratitude in your life. That, in turn, will make your life more amazing!