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HUMP DAY REMINDER 🐫

This is an important and much needed reminder. There are so many of us that work so hard to make the world a better place and bring joy to others. Those same people are often the hardest on themselves. Check your inner conversation. Is it motivating? Recently, I noticed that my inner conversation started to lean a little more to the negative than I would care for. I mentioned to Margie, “I need to work on being more positive.” She gave me a look that showed her shock with my statement. I should have been a little more specific. My outer conversation was still very positive. However, my inner conversation was not. Allow me to give you an example. Winter is always difficult for me. The cold, the lack of life, it all has me feeling down. I decided to add a way to help with this. I decided to appreciate the effort and beauty behind the decorations people put up for the holidays.

On the outside I did pretty good. Whether I was with others, or by myself. I would remark, “Wow! That one looks nice.” or “That must have taken a long time.” I did feel better. That was until my inner voice started talking. I am not sure who that person is, but he didn’t have many nice things to say. I heard the voice in my head say, “That one is sloppy.” and “Why did they even bother to put up decorations if they were not going to take their time?” Here I was trying to find beauty and the holiday spirit and my inner dialogue turned into a holiday decoration critic. Then, I started getting down on myself for being negative.

We must remember that we are human. We must be forgiving and compassionate with ourselves. Especially during this busy season. As a solution to combat my newly negative self-talk, I have begun to listen to positive affirmations on the way to work in the morning. It places positive thoughts in my head before my head can come up with negative ones. Remember to be kind to ourselves the rest of the week. In what ways are you kind to yourself?

HAVE YOU EVER THOUGHT TO BE GRATEFUL FOR THIS?

There are so many things in the world to be grateful for. Once you start thinking about, and noticing all you have to be grateful for, you realize it is near limitless. One thing that many of us fail to consider is to be grateful for the freedoms we have. They exist in different degrees in different parts of the world, but we have far more than we ever stop and consider. The freedom of expression in a big one. You are reading words and thoughts that come from my brain to share with you. I have written three books full of expression. (Feel free to search “Neil Panosian” if you would like to pick one up) People paint, sculpt, cook, bake, design streets and towns. There are landscape artists as well. The world of expression is a broad one.

The freedom to eat what we want, travel where we want and dance how we like. There are so many freedoms that we have. I recall listening to a video where a man was walking in the rain and he came upon a bird. He asked himself, “Why does this bird not go somewhere more pleasant?” After all, birds can just fly away. Then he realized that he was no different. What is to stop us from leaving what weighs us down and chasing after our dreams. It is the biggest freedom of all. If we master this freedom, we can accomplish so many great things. If we fail to master it, we may end up its slave with less freedom than ever. Living in a cage of our own making. What is this freedom? Let us look at another quote to full grasp it!

Before we get into this freedom, we should preface it by saying the man who said this quote was in a concentration camp during world war II. If anyone knows about losing your freedom, it would be someone in a place so evil that few alive today can even imagine it. The freedom we are talking about is the freedom of thought. So many of us do not take full advantage of this freedom, or worse yet give control of it to circumstances and other people. You are mad and cannot concentrate because someone treated you harshly? You have the freedom to not let your thoughts allow you to go there emotionally. Watching the news got you down? You have the ability to think differently. There is even an area in which the freedom of thought is most important.

In many places of the world, and sadly we are starting to see this in the United States, your freedoms can be taken away. What then? What if someone tells you who you can or cannot love? How about where you can or cannot go? That is when the freedom of thought is most important. That is why it is important not to give that power up. Maintain your ability to think for yourself. Guard the entrance to your mind. Nobody can enter there without your permission. You may not to express your thoughts as you wish, but nobody can stop you from thinking them. Dream your dreams. Do so in private if you have to. Do not give up! Keep your mind and your thoughts free.

STOP WAITING FOR MIRACLES!

One simple change we can make to improve our life greatly is to switch from waiting for miracles to noticing them! This may sound a little crazy to some of you, but it really isn’t. I have experienced a brief flirtation with death after my heart surgery. Coming out of that, it really changes your perspective. Knowing your life can be gone in a fleeting second really puts things in perspective. Everything, and I mean everything, is a gift. That is why I was drawn to the quote above. It mentions the ability to love as being a miracle. We all know that to be true. Who doesn’t feel the miracle of love? This could be love for a spouse, a child, a parent, or even just a good friend. Whether you are giving or receiving love, it feels like a miracle.

Love, joy and all the other amazingly positive emotions are easy to feel like a miracle. What about when life goes in the opposite direction? How can that feel like a miracle? It is is. Look at what else this quote mentions. The ability to learn, heal and begin again. Those are all miracles. Learning can be one of the most humbling and challenging circumstances. Who likes to look foolish? That is usually the first step in learning. When the process concludes, you come out the other end as an entirely different person. One that is stronger, smarter and more resilient. That is a miracle. Healing is really a miracle. How many times in life have we felt like there was no way in which we would be able to continue? It could have been a terrible break up or divorce. Perhaps the pain of losing someone we love? It can leave us in such a dark place there can seem no way out. With the help of those who care about us, maybe a little professional help and of course time, we come out the other side. We may never be the same, but we now have an experience in life in which we can draw strength from. Healing is often an ongoing process, but each step is a miracle.

Even when our life seems like a total loss, miracles can still be found in the ability to start again. Losing a job? Filing bankruptcy? Tornado or hurricane destroy all you have worked for? The game is not over. You can start again. Often with more knowledge to create a better future. This is a miracle itself. The fact that the game does not have to end when we are faced with a great challenge and seeming end, that is a miracle. As you can see, from the positive to the negative, miracles are all around us. Switch your thinking from waiting for a miracle to noticing them and your life will become filled with miracles.

A SUCCESSFUL LIFE

The ability to be satisfied with your life as you are working to improve it develops a special inner peace that many never find. It also tends to open our eyes to opportunities that we would miss in a depressed state. This alone will add to the increased satisfaction of our life. It will have us feeling lighter knowing that there are things in our life that are going well. It is a feeling that can help balance the challenges we face.

This can all be accomplished by creating a habit of sitting down and asking ourselves, “What can I be grateful for in my life?” Yes, more benefits of being grateful. This change in attitude and perception has daily benefits. A life filled with more inner-peace has a ripple effect. It comes out in the way we treat others. Guess what happens when you treat others with more compassion and grace? You have less drama and problems in your life. That leads to more inner peace. You can see how this can go. It is careful to note it works the same way in reverse. If you are constantly focused on what is not working in your life and feeling down, you may snap at someone for little or no reason. Now you have a fractured relationship that needs attending to. One more problem that weighs on you.

Focusing primarily on what is going right is not permission to ignore all that needs fixing. Quite the opposite. It is setting yourself up in a better emotional state to handle those challenges. Give yourself the life you deserve. Treat yourself with more grace and compassion and you will be amazed at how much better your life becomes.

CHANGE 1 THING AND LIFE FEELS BETTER!

Self-improvement, personal-development or whatever term you choose to use can be a complicated affair. It need not be. Searching in your local library or bookstore the ‘self-help’ section can seem overwhelming. Where do you start? I have wrote 3 books on the matter myself. They are filled with great tools and strategies that will improve the life you are now living. If you are interested, feel free to search ‘Neil Panosian’ and pick one up. That being said, there is a simple way to begin to live a more enjoyable and fulfilling life starting right now. You need not purchase a book, seminar or anything else. All it takes is a change in mindset.

As you can see in the photo above, it is more accurately a change of focus. As humans we are programed to focus on what is wrong with our life. That can be helpful. It can also be extremely detrimental. When our focus is exclusively, or even primarily on what is wrong, we can be left feeling heavy and defeated. Life can feel like something we have to ‘make it through’. This is a terrible way to go through life. A simple shift can lighten that load and make our life more enjoyable.

Many people call this change in focus “Looking at the world through rose-colored glasses”. That is but one way to look at it. Changing our primary focus on what continues to go right in our life is not denying that there are things that need work. What it does acknowledge is that in any life, there is still plenty of things to be grateful for. Will this help you fix and improve your life? The answer is a surprising ‘Yes’. Will being grateful that you only have a flat tire and not a more expensive repair fix the tire? No it will not. What it will do, however, is keep you in a better frame of mind. It will make the effort to change the tire, or the time waiting for someone to come and do it that much more enjoyable. To that end, you will treat those who help you with more gratitude and appreciation.

8 THINGS LOVE IS AND 4 THAT IT IS NOT!

When any relationship is feeling challenged in our life, which category do we usually run to? Unfortunately for many, it is the first group. You did something to make your spouse mad? Buy them flowers. Yes, this is a nice gesture, but what about increasing the respect and trust of a relationship? That would mean so much more. A thoughtful gift is a nice thing to give, but is it worth more than commitment? Of course not.

This is even more true when we are looking to grow the relationship. Discussing goals that we have, and discovering ones we share. That is a certain way to grow the relationship. Supporting each other as you both work towards those goals increases that closeness even more. Seeing and witnessing each other’s growth is such a great feeling. Understanding and recognizing the sacrifices your partner makes in the relationship will not only make you feel grateful, but acknowledging it will do the same for your partner. True forgiveness is a gift so priceless that is cannot be overstated.

Thinking of marriage? What is more important, the ring or the commitment? The answer should be obvious. Why then, do so many of us go for the quick fix of the category above? Maybe we have never been taught the important aspects that make a relationship great? It could be that we are not willing to put in the effort we know it will take to grow the relationship. If you don’t put in maximum effort, can you really expect maximum growth? Even if you are fortunate enough to have an amazing relationship like the one I am blessed to have, looking at this list, are there ways in which you can grow it even more? Look at each word in the second category. How can you add more of that to your relationship? Yes, this will take time and energy, but the return will be a life filled with more love and joy than you can imagine. Isn’t that worth it?

NEW MANDATORY CLASSES?

To begin this, I must state that I am a supporter of those in the education system. It is my opinion that being a teacher is one of the most noble and important professions one can be involved in. Shaping the minds of future generations is a great responsibility. That being said, the public education system itself could really use an update. Graduating school knowing how to calculate the surface area of an ellipse, but not how to craft a family budget does not seem very practical. Paying taxes, time management and other daily subjects seemed to be skipped over. Yes, math and science are very important. So is knowing how to manage your health. In a world where obesity is growing at an alarming rate, why is this not more a focus?

Even more important is the issue of mental health. We live in a generation that does not often include a healthy family base. More often than not, both parents are working outside of the home to make ends meet. Men especially are not taught about the proper way to address and communicate their emotions. Issues of domestic violence and depression can find their roots in emotional disconnect. Imagine if we were taught a class on what to do with the anger we feel? How about how to communicate during a passionate disagreement? That is why I enjoyed having Mr. Rogers around as a kid. He taught children how to deal with difficult subjects such as these. Another reason that How to Win Friends and Influence People is one of my favorite books. It teaches the art of personal communication.

Many of you may be tempted to say, “That should be the parents responsibility.” In an ideal world, you would be correct. In addition to having both parents working, as mentioned above, many of these parents do not know these skills themselves. How else to break generational curses than to show the youth a new way? This is why I am always happy to hear that a young person gets one of my books or joins this community. Being able to connect and share ways to live a healthier and more fulfilling life at an early age sets people up for success. That is not to say we should limit this to the young. If you find yourself having difficulty as an adult, brushing up on some fundamentals may not be a bad idea.

Rather than blaming the way you were raised, or using it as an excuse for your poor behavior, learn that there are better ways. It does not make you any less to admit your behavior could use a little improvement. Quite the opposite. Working to become the best version of yourself means that you must admit there are some areas that are not quite there yet. It is true of all of us. Learning self-improvement and life-fulfillment skills will not only make your life better, but the world at large better too! Feel free to share this website with as many as you can. Let us learn and share life lessons as we go through this world together.

EVERY DAY YOU HAVE A CHANCE

Have you ever complained about getting older? Anyone over the age of 30 probably answered ‘yes’ to that question. It is easy to do. Our energy seems to go down and the amount of things that hurt go up. This is more a matter of perspective than anything. The fact that we are here to complain is a great blessing. Yes, that sounds like some positive thinking talk. It is the truth. I tell people “Growing old may be tough, but it is better than the alternative.”

If you were to walk through a children’s cancer ward, it may change how you look at things. Looking at these brave young souls who are facing severe health challenges before their lives even had a chance to get started. We are complaining because our knee always hurts? When you put things into that perspective it feels a little silly. Someone, somewhere, always has it worse than us. It only takes looking at life from their perspective to realize how good we have it.

Scrolling through my social media pages the other day, I realized how many friends I have lost. Many younger than I am today. Their life is over. Yes, they may not have anymore problems, but what about the experience of a tight hug from a friend or loved one after a long day? What about seeing the smile on someone’s face you have just helped? How about tasting that first sip of coffee in the morning? These are all experiences that a moments of joy in even the most challenged life. Being here allows you to experience them. If you need more, it is easy to do. Find ways to bring joy to others. You will receive more smiles and hugs for sure! Your back and body may hurt sometimes, but your soul can feel amazing! Growing old, if you live your life right, is an amazing blessing.

10 WAYS TO SUPPORT AN AUTHOR

I am so grateful for all of the support I have received through my writing career. Many people are unaware that there are so many ways to support an author. Many of which do not involve spending any money. If you have read and enjoy a book, why not post a review on Goodreads, Amazon or another site? Attending a book event, even if you do not purchase shows support. How about purchasing books as gifts for friends and relatives? Checking a book out from a library improves the ranking of that book in the library system.

When it comes to being both an author and a blog writer, noting beats sharing these posts. It brings us in contact with people we could not otherwise reach. If you enjoy the writer’s content, why would you not want to share it with others you know? It may give another compelling topic to discuss next time you get together! Contacting writers and letting them know how much you enjoy their work is very motivating. Writing is a very solitary profession for the most part. Knowing what you write makes a difference and enjoyed will give you the motivation to keep writing. That is worth it’s weight in gold!

If you have a friend that is a writer, or content creator of another kind, make sure to support them. Your support may be just what they need to continue creating. Never underestimate the effect of your support!

YOU WILL MISS THIS WHEN IT IS GONE

How many times do we plan a great moment to create memories? It could be a vacation to a wonderful destination. Perhaps a family reunion or high school reunion? These are great to capture what could be once in a lifetime moments. When you are facing what could be your last moments, these are not what you will miss the most.

As many of you know, I had a moment facing serious open-heart surgery. When pondering the fact that my days may be numbered, what was I thinking about? It was not the grand moments carefully planned and coordinated. It was not one last vacation or getaway.

What really captured my heart was the little things. Those moments that we all take for granted. Coffee on the porch with a loved one. Get together with a friend for lunch or a coffee. A little walk in the woods and conversation. These are the moments that make life so sweet.

By all means continue to plan and create grand memories. As you do so, do not forget to relish all of those seemingly insignificant moments. When you look back on your life, those will be the moments you wish you had more of.

BEWARE OF THIS ADDICTION

Wow! This is a good one. How many of us fall into this trap? At one time or another, probably every single one of us. It gives birth to all sorts of cliches such as ” The grass is always greener on the other side.” We continually postpone our happiness. Thinking it will find us over the next horizon. The hard truth is quite the opposite. The grass is really greener where you water it. The next horizon may contain new joys, but it will also contain new challenges. That is why ‘Destination Addiction’ is so dangerous. It can be facilitated by advertising convincing us that we need the next great thing. Social Media, where we compare our challenges to other’s highlights further pushes us in the wrong direction. Thinking our life does not compare to the life of those around us.

How do we overcome Destination Addiction? By changing the question we ask ourselves daily. We spend as much as 90% of our time on the journey and only 10% at the destination. If you had the choice, which would you rather work on making happier? What is the question we should be asking ourselves to make this switch? “What can I do to find, or create happiness right now?” In every situation there is the possibility to find some sort of happiness or the opportunity to create happiness. While it is true that certain circumstances are far easier to do this in, the truth is that our intention and mindset can make every situation a possibility for joy. Even if it may be difficult to find joy for ourselves, we can have the opportunity to create for others. Guess what that would do? Seeing that you have brought joy to another makes you feel….happy! Therefore, even in the struggle, even in the challenge, there exists the possibility of joy.

Have you ever thought of life in this way? Have you ever asked yourself the question we stated above, “What can I do to find, or create happiness right now?” Personally, I can confess that I have not done it enough. That should make us happy. It means we are leaving a lot of happiness unexperienced! There is so much more joy we could discover, and more important, experience, in our life! How exciting is that thought. Try asking yourself this question at least once a day. Whether you do it when things are going well, or if you try it when things are a little tough, you will add more joy to your life. That should be reason enough to do it!