Tag: Relationships

STOP WAITING FOR MIRACLES!

One simple change we can make to improve our life greatly is to switch from waiting for miracles to noticing them! This may sound a little crazy to some of you, but it really isn’t. I have experienced a brief flirtation with death after my heart surgery. Coming out of that, it really changes your perspective. Knowing your life can be gone in a fleeting second really puts things in perspective. Everything, and I mean everything, is a gift. That is why I was drawn to the quote above. It mentions the ability to love as being a miracle. We all know that to be true. Who doesn’t feel the miracle of love? This could be love for a spouse, a child, a parent, or even just a good friend. Whether you are giving or receiving love, it feels like a miracle.

Love, joy and all the other amazingly positive emotions are easy to feel like a miracle. What about when life goes in the opposite direction? How can that feel like a miracle? It is is. Look at what else this quote mentions. The ability to learn, heal and begin again. Those are all miracles. Learning can be one of the most humbling and challenging circumstances. Who likes to look foolish? That is usually the first step in learning. When the process concludes, you come out the other end as an entirely different person. One that is stronger, smarter and more resilient. That is a miracle. Healing is really a miracle. How many times in life have we felt like there was no way in which we would be able to continue? It could have been a terrible break up or divorce. Perhaps the pain of losing someone we love? It can leave us in such a dark place there can seem no way out. With the help of those who care about us, maybe a little professional help and of course time, we come out the other side. We may never be the same, but we now have an experience in life in which we can draw strength from. Healing is often an ongoing process, but each step is a miracle.

Even when our life seems like a total loss, miracles can still be found in the ability to start again. Losing a job? Filing bankruptcy? Tornado or hurricane destroy all you have worked for? The game is not over. You can start again. Often with more knowledge to create a better future. This is a miracle itself. The fact that the game does not have to end when we are faced with a great challenge and seeming end, that is a miracle. As you can see, from the positive to the negative, miracles are all around us. Switch your thinking from waiting for a miracle to noticing them and your life will become filled with miracles.

CHANGE 1 THING AND LIFE FEELS BETTER!

Self-improvement, personal-development or whatever term you choose to use can be a complicated affair. It need not be. Searching in your local library or bookstore the ‘self-help’ section can seem overwhelming. Where do you start? I have wrote 3 books on the matter myself. They are filled with great tools and strategies that will improve the life you are now living. If you are interested, feel free to search ‘Neil Panosian’ and pick one up. That being said, there is a simple way to begin to live a more enjoyable and fulfilling life starting right now. You need not purchase a book, seminar or anything else. All it takes is a change in mindset.

As you can see in the photo above, it is more accurately a change of focus. As humans we are programed to focus on what is wrong with our life. That can be helpful. It can also be extremely detrimental. When our focus is exclusively, or even primarily on what is wrong, we can be left feeling heavy and defeated. Life can feel like something we have to ‘make it through’. This is a terrible way to go through life. A simple shift can lighten that load and make our life more enjoyable.

Many people call this change in focus “Looking at the world through rose-colored glasses”. That is but one way to look at it. Changing our primary focus on what continues to go right in our life is not denying that there are things that need work. What it does acknowledge is that in any life, there is still plenty of things to be grateful for. Will this help you fix and improve your life? The answer is a surprising ‘Yes’. Will being grateful that you only have a flat tire and not a more expensive repair fix the tire? No it will not. What it will do, however, is keep you in a better frame of mind. It will make the effort to change the tire, or the time waiting for someone to come and do it that much more enjoyable. To that end, you will treat those who help you with more gratitude and appreciation.

8 THINGS LOVE IS AND 4 THAT IT IS NOT!

When any relationship is feeling challenged in our life, which category do we usually run to? Unfortunately for many, it is the first group. You did something to make your spouse mad? Buy them flowers. Yes, this is a nice gesture, but what about increasing the respect and trust of a relationship? That would mean so much more. A thoughtful gift is a nice thing to give, but is it worth more than commitment? Of course not.

This is even more true when we are looking to grow the relationship. Discussing goals that we have, and discovering ones we share. That is a certain way to grow the relationship. Supporting each other as you both work towards those goals increases that closeness even more. Seeing and witnessing each other’s growth is such a great feeling. Understanding and recognizing the sacrifices your partner makes in the relationship will not only make you feel grateful, but acknowledging it will do the same for your partner. True forgiveness is a gift so priceless that is cannot be overstated.

Thinking of marriage? What is more important, the ring or the commitment? The answer should be obvious. Why then, do so many of us go for the quick fix of the category above? Maybe we have never been taught the important aspects that make a relationship great? It could be that we are not willing to put in the effort we know it will take to grow the relationship. If you don’t put in maximum effort, can you really expect maximum growth? Even if you are fortunate enough to have an amazing relationship like the one I am blessed to have, looking at this list, are there ways in which you can grow it even more? Look at each word in the second category. How can you add more of that to your relationship? Yes, this will take time and energy, but the return will be a life filled with more love and joy than you can imagine. Isn’t that worth it?

EVERY DAY YOU HAVE A CHANCE

Have you ever complained about getting older? Anyone over the age of 30 probably answered ‘yes’ to that question. It is easy to do. Our energy seems to go down and the amount of things that hurt go up. This is more a matter of perspective than anything. The fact that we are here to complain is a great blessing. Yes, that sounds like some positive thinking talk. It is the truth. I tell people “Growing old may be tough, but it is better than the alternative.”

If you were to walk through a children’s cancer ward, it may change how you look at things. Looking at these brave young souls who are facing severe health challenges before their lives even had a chance to get started. We are complaining because our knee always hurts? When you put things into that perspective it feels a little silly. Someone, somewhere, always has it worse than us. It only takes looking at life from their perspective to realize how good we have it.

Scrolling through my social media pages the other day, I realized how many friends I have lost. Many younger than I am today. Their life is over. Yes, they may not have anymore problems, but what about the experience of a tight hug from a friend or loved one after a long day? What about seeing the smile on someone’s face you have just helped? How about tasting that first sip of coffee in the morning? These are all experiences that a moments of joy in even the most challenged life. Being here allows you to experience them. If you need more, it is easy to do. Find ways to bring joy to others. You will receive more smiles and hugs for sure! Your back and body may hurt sometimes, but your soul can feel amazing! Growing old, if you live your life right, is an amazing blessing.

YOU WILL MISS THIS WHEN IT IS GONE

How many times do we plan a great moment to create memories? It could be a vacation to a wonderful destination. Perhaps a family reunion or high school reunion? These are great to capture what could be once in a lifetime moments. When you are facing what could be your last moments, these are not what you will miss the most.

As many of you know, I had a moment facing serious open-heart surgery. When pondering the fact that my days may be numbered, what was I thinking about? It was not the grand moments carefully planned and coordinated. It was not one last vacation or getaway.

What really captured my heart was the little things. Those moments that we all take for granted. Coffee on the porch with a loved one. Get together with a friend for lunch or a coffee. A little walk in the woods and conversation. These are the moments that make life so sweet.

By all means continue to plan and create grand memories. As you do so, do not forget to relish all of those seemingly insignificant moments. When you look back on your life, those will be the moments you wish you had more of.

A WORLD OF POSSIBILITIES

Last post we spoke about how a simple change of mind can radically transform your life. Todays, post is an example of that. Here is a thought that sheds a new light in a way to look at an old idea. Friendship. We can look at friendship as the blessing it is. We can look at our friends and family as a sort of network, and that is true. Have you ever considered that people in your life are a connection to an entire different world? It is true! Let us shift this and think of ourselves for a second. Think of an average day in your life. What time you wake up. Where do you wake up? Who, if anyone, do you wake up with? Do you go to a job or take care of a household? Do you travel or work from home? Then there are all of the personal questions. Do you start your day with water, coffee or tea? What are your morning rituals? Do you even have any? Who are the people you deal with every morning?

Think of your closest friends. Their day no doubt, starts different from yours. Chances are they do not live in the same house as you. They might not even work at the same job. How about someone in a different area of the country? They might wake up to different weather or at a different time. Now if we expand that out to a different country, what is life like for that person? They, more than likely, eat a different breakfast. Their commute looks different. Customs and routines are different. It is like an entirely different world. This brings with it several good points to consider.

Everyone we come in contact with, both friends and strangers, live an entirely different world than us. Even if they live in the same city. They have grown up differently. They have had different experiences. I think we can all agree on that. Which should give us a little more compassion and understanding when it comes to those we share our world with. In addition, this should be exciting. When you interact with someone, you are getting a glimpse into an entirely different world! It is like traveling to a different universe without leaving earth. Their experiences, the people the do and the thoughts they think are unique to them. We should not only seek to understand that difference, but relish in the opportunity to experience it! Have you ever thought of friendship in this way?

A FRIEND YOU HAVEN’T MET YET

Here is a question to ask yourself, “What are you grateful for that a stranger did for you today?” It may seem like an odd question, but give it some thought. Strangers are out there working to pave the roads for us. Strangers help us by checking out our groceries at the store and stocking the shelves. On a more personal level, a stranger may have held the door for you. Someone you don’t know may have smiled and even said “Good morning.” There are a million different things that strangers do for us every day. I am grateful for the people who are all involved in bringing this post to you. When I stop and think about it, that is a lot of people. The people involved in making my laptop. The people involved in my car that allowed me to drive to the coffee shop. Everyone at WordPress who hosts this site. The people here at the coffee shop. The ones who made the furniture I am sitting on.

As you can see, once you start pondering this, the list could truly be endless. So many people help us daily, many of whom we do not know, that our life would be near impossible without them. It is easy to complain about strangers. Asking why that person ahead of you in the brand new car does not know how to use a turn signal. Why was that person so unfriendly to you at the store? This is easy and if we do that we can quickly develop an attitude that all of humanity is bad. How do we save ourselves from developing this attitude? By focusing on what we have to be grateful for. Even the person who does not know that they have a magical lever that lets other drivers know they will be making a sudden deviation in their journey is giving us something to be grateful for. They are reminding us to use our turn signal. They are helping us practice our emotional control. They are giving us an example as to why drivers education is such an important class.

  Finding what we can be grateful for in others, namely complete strangers does not only help them, but it helps us as well. How is that? It gives us a positive attitude towards those we share our planet with. What difference does that make? Ask yourself which life is better, one where you are constantly finding reasons to be unhappy with the people around you? Being angry is not only bad for you emotionally, it will also compromise your mental and physical health as well. Studies show that prolonged anger can impair your cognitive function as well as your mental well-being and social relationships. That means you will be stupid, sad and without very many friends. Throw in cardiovascular issues and you may not have to live that angry life for long.

What happens when you continue to have an attitude of gratitude? Prolonged gratitude has been shown to reduce stress hormones such as cortisol. This helps improve sleep, immune health and heart health. It also helps neuroplasticity in the brain. That is the brain’s ability to adapt and change or learn. What this means is you will be happier, smarter and healthier. You will probably stick around for a lot longer as well. Which of these sounds like a better life to you?

A better opinion on the people you share life with will help you in so many ways. Developing that attitude can start with the simple act of finding ways to be grateful for strangers. We have discovered whether your interaction with someone is positive or negative, they are still giving you something to be grateful for. So ask yourself now, “What did a stranger do for me that I can be grateful for today?” Start with something positive, but remember even the negative can give us something to be grateful for. Do this long enough and you will develop a grateful attitude and receive all of the benefits that come with it.

THE #1 REASON TO NOT MARRY SOMEONE

Today’s article was inspired by a server who shared a little bit more than expected with Margie and I at breakfast the other day. Let me tell you there are no shortage of red flags when it comes to relationships. Addiction, abuse and many other issues should tell you that this might not be the person you should pursue a long-term connection with. We are not talking about what should prevent you from getting into a relationship, or even what should tell you to leave a relationship. We are solely talking about what you should not do when deciding whether or not to pledge your life to someone. If you do this, it will be a guarantee for failure.

There are many reasons not to marry for. You should not marry for money. You should not marry for position. You should not marry someone just to make your parents happy, or anyone else for that matter. Those should be fairly obvious. The #1 reason you should not marry someone is for potential. Countless people get into relationships decidedly unhappy with a certain aspect of their partner. They either believe they will ‘grow out of it’ or worse that ‘they can change them’. If you base your connection on your ability to change anyone but yourself, you are doomed to failure. All meaningful and lasting change comes from within. If you are forced to change because of someone else, you are unhappy at best and resentful at worse. Yes, they could also grow, evolve and correct whatever it is that does not please you. Then again, they could not. Then what? Will you live your life fighting about this same issue?

This is not to say that people cannot change and grow. If you are reading a site like this, I would assume that is the path you are pursuing. Growth, is not only nonlinear, it is also not guaranteed. Even with the best of intentions, growth may not happen. Therefore, you should find someone you love for who they are at their core. If they grow, even better. If you grow together that is even better yet. What should not happen is to base your relationship on the expectation of growth.

THE SECRET TO A GREAT RELATIONSHIP? TACOS AND BEET ROOT POWDER OF COURSE!

These two may seem like an odd combination, and indeed they are. I do not know of anyone who put beet root powder on their taco. Here is another question. Which one is sweeter? If you know even a little bit about food your answer would be the beets. In fact, beets can even be used to make sugar. The most important question we can ask is “How are these two items the secret to a great relationship?

Before you go out and stock up on bottles of beet root powder (the one in the picture is my personal favorite) or get all your fixings for tacos, may I suggest you read a little further. Here is a confession. These two items by themselves are not the secret. It is what they represent. To better explain, let me share a personal story of the last few days. My lovely lady underwent a medical emergency last week. It was a good reminder that health is the ultimate treasure. It is with a great deal of gratitude I can tell you she is doing well. It did remind both of us to pay a little better attention to our health.

The following day, I was out running errands with my mother and my lady cooked the most delicious and rather healthy meal. She made us lettuce wrap tacos with ground turkey. They were beyond delicious. Not only is she beautiful, loving and a great cook, but she was kind enough to make us both a healthy dinner even after her health scare. I was so grateful and let her know how much I appreciated her efforts. More importantly, I sat with that feeling for a little bit. Just looking at the beautiful woman I share my life with and thinking how grateful I was for this loving and kind act of making this dinner.

This morning, she was making her return to the gym. I knew she would be a little nervous, maybe even scared, and wanted to do anything to help that I could. She drinks a combination of a pre-workout with beet root powder before every workout. If you haven’t tried beet root, it has been shown to increase your aerobic capacity. Do your own research and talk to your doctor, but it works for us. When she woke up to discover that she no longer had to put this concoction together, and there was a cold one waiting in the refrigerator for her, she was grateful and told me so. It made me happy to know she appreciated my efforts, but even more that it made her day a little better.

Here is the important thing to note about all of this. We have been together for many years and still enjoy doing things like this for each other. Not to ‘pay the person back’ or to ‘score some points’. No, we do it because we genuinely love and care about each other. Both the act and the appreciation are what keep our love going and growing. How about you? When was the last time you did an act just out of love? When was the last time you not only expressed your appreciation to your partner, but sat down and felt it?

NOT SO FAST SOCRATES!

I have always found this quote from Socrates rather humorous. I would have to respectfully disagree with the gentleman though. Yes, being in a toxic relationship would probably urge you to spend time alone pondering the meaning of life. Especially your own. In this way I believe he is giving us one of the keys to an amazing life. That is to turn whatever challenging situation you find yourself in, into a more fulfilling one. It could be taking that time alone you would want to spend into developing a philosophy of your own. Perhaps it would be taking the job you want to leave so bad and using it to motivate you to take a different course of action. That could be educating yourself or just looking for something that would satisfy your soul as well as your wallet.

As great as comfort is, it can also be a trap. Finding ourselves in a bad job, relationship or other challenging situation may not be desirable, but it just might push us to finally get off our butt and do something about it. If one part of your life isn’t working, pivot to excel at another while you work on correcting it. In my case, a great relationship has allowed me to change my philosophy on life. Having an excellent life partner can help you excel at being a philosopher as well!