Tag: Relationships

WANT A HAPPY LIFE? USE THIS ONE SECRET

The other morning, I had the pleasure of sharing coffee and conversation with my friend Nick. We always have a great time together and discuss many topics deeply. We rarely engage in small talk and I love that.

One subject we discussed was the secret to having a happy life. It will also earn you a great deal of respect from both friends and strangers. You will still have the occasional rough day, but even on those days you will have help keeping your spirits up!

What is the amazing secret that can do all of this? It is being kind to others. Yes, this may sound like a Mr. Rogers idea. It really should be common sense. When I trained people both as a bartender and a postal worker, I stressed the importance of being kind.

Many people view being kind as something you do for others. That is only half true. When you are kind at work, whether that is to your coworkers or customers, it helps the day go by smoother and quicker. It is true that not everyone will reciprocate, but let that be their problem. Do not let it stop your kindness.

As you read this, I will be on vacation with my lovely lady in Jamaica. We will be kind to everyone we meet. Why? First, everyone deserves kindness. It is how humans should treat each other. Second, it will have people treating you better. Think of your own experience. If you meet someone that is always kind and grateful approach you, how will you greet them? Will you be more inclined to treat them kindly? Of course you will.

Here is the added bonus. When you do have a bad day, people notice. Not only that, but they miss the usual cheer and kindness. This will make them inclined to work to cheer you up. Can you imagine if this is the interaction with everyone you met? That is just some of the reasons to be kind. What other benefits can you think of that being kind brings?

IMPACT YOUR DESTINATION!

Last post I had mentioned that Margie and I were going to depart to visit Green Island Jamaica. Although Jamaica is a place we have visited before, we have never been to this part of the island. When we were looking at everything we had planned this past week we did the usual things. We looked at the resort we were staying at. We thought about where we wanted to eat and the entertainment we wanted to enjoy. Did we want to do an excursion of any kind? What should we pack? This is what may of us do. Those things are all important, but they all revolve around the same principle. What are we going to get from this vacation. That is important to be sure. What many of us never ask is what do I want to give on this vacation.

In life, nobody likes the “What is in it for me?” type of person. We certainly do not want to be that person. Somehow on vacation, often people do not think that way. It could be the fact that you have shelled out much of your hard-earned money to go and be where you are. Maybe that causes an entitled feeling? It is worth remembering that the people helping you are not just doing their jobs, but helping your vacation be as enjoyable as it can be. Many of them cannot afford to take a vacation themselves. Showing them courtesy and appreciation can mean the world to them.

When we travel, we represent more than just ourselves. Think of that. We represent tourists in general. We represent the country we are from. When we were in Jamaica the second time, we happen to stay at a resort with many people from the same state we live in. They were generally entitled and unpleasant to the staff and other people at the resort. So much so Margie and I were tempted to say we were from somewhere else. That is when I realized that we had to be a good example. We went out of our way to learn about the locals we encountered. We treated everyone with dignity and respect. The lady in the first picture with us was Stephanie, a tour guide. We might have been the only people to talk to her and take a picture with her. In the Bahamas, we have the pleasure of meeting and chatting with many workers in different shops we went to. Even befriended a wonderful young lady who explained to Margie how much they needed her baking skills in the country. Still trying to convince Margie a move there would be a good idea.

The point of all of this is that we wanted to have a positive impact on every place we went. I shared my writing with many people and we tried to share smiles and kind words to everyone we met. The great thing about this idea? It does not have to be different countries that you do this in. It can be when you go out to eat, to coffee or to the hardware store. Think of what impact you leave in every place you go. Is it a positive one? Did you leave any impact at all? Be a light of compassion, understanding and positivity wherever you go. Whether that is around the block or around the world. The more you do this, the brighter your world, and the world in general will be.

SHOW YOUR SUPPORT!

Whether it is my books or Margie’s bakery, we always appreciate the help we receive from both friends and strangers. Some of the most impactful things people can do is help us get the word out for the many things we do. If you have a friend who offers a local product or service, one of the best things you can do for them is promote them. In a world where there are a million different choices, it is often only the people with the largest amount of cash who can buy the greatest exposure. What you can’t buy is quality and joy that you bring to someone’s life. If you know of a local business that does that, please do one of the activities listed above or something else to assist. It is the only way that little guy can compete with large corporations!

This week try supporting one local business a day. Do that for an entire week or longer and watch your community and friendships grow and blossom. It does not have to cost you anything more than a little time and energy yet it can change your entire community.

HEY YOU, MIRACLE WORKER!

How many of you saw this headline and thought “Oh, Neil is talking to me!”? I am guessing not to many of you. Still, the truth is that it applies to all of us. We may never know all of the lives we have impacted and miracles we have worked. Have you ever seen the movie It’s a Wonderful Life? In the movie, the main character is shown what the world would look like had he never been born. He is then able to see all of the lives he has impacted and miracles he has created. Far be it from me to give advice to the Creator, but it strikes me that this would benefit many more people than it wouldn’t.

I have been blessed (I can think of no other word to use here) to be told that my words have saved the lives of several people. Just one person would have made this all worth while. On the occasion that I get hung up on the frustration of not being able to reach more people, I have this beautiful lady who reminds me of all the lives I have touched. That doesn’t stop me from wanting to reach more, but it does remind me of the impact I have had. The truth is that we all have that impact. It could be treating a retail worker with kindness when they have had a tough day. It could be someone watching us from afar and being inspired by our actions. If you are a parent, you have already worked many miracles.

How would you live your life different if you stopped and realized that you are indeed are a miracle worker? If you were to stop and consider the impact your actions had on the lives of others, would you be more inspired to be kinder and more inspiring? Well here is your wake up call! You are a miracle worker. You have touched more lives than you will ever know. When the world wants to knock you down, go forth with the knowledge that you have lifted others up. Often without ever knowing. You are a miracle worker.

WE ARE ALL CONNECTED

Today’s post is a little bit of a somber one, but one that can inspire us just the same. I tend to write in a handful of locations. The one I write at most is a Starbucks not far from my house. There are many people who frequent this location as well. There is another author who is working on her first published work. There is a gent from Morocco who paints pictures and a woman who converses with everyone else. Throw into this mix a quiet man who used to bring his own mug and seat cushion. He would sit down and read for hours at a time. This could pretty much be part of my retirement plan.

Much like many of the other people mentioned above, we exist in a sort of distant community. We are all involved in our own worlds, but doing so in the same location. I cannot say that I spoke to the man with the seat cushion and book, but we did give each other a wave and nod occasionally. As I ordered my coffee today, the lady behind the counter informed me he passed away. He was an older gent and passed away peacefully in his sleep. Both of which are probably the best way to experience the transition. As I heard the news it was almost confusing how to react. On one hand, I really did not know the man well. Still, there will be one less piece to the puzzle that is the location I write at.

It started me thinking on how we are all really connected. My grandmother had a plaque on her wall with a simple saying – “You are a stranger here but once.” Meaning that after you meet someone you are no longer strangers. You have a connection. There is another cliche that I have heard over the years. “Strangers are just friends you haven’t met yet.” I would go one further and put forth that we are often connected to people we never met. How can you be connected to people you never met? Take the lady I mentioned earlier. The one working on her book. Even if we never discovered that we were both authors and began talking, we would still both be authors who write at Starbucks. This is a small example. The painter is a man who looks at the work around him and uses it for creative inspiration. That could be the description of this blog in a nutshell.

There are people we share spiritual beliefs with. There will be someone in Greenland who has the same favorite color I do. How many people share your color of eyes? Color of hair? Just because we have not physically met someone does not mean we are not connected with them in some way. Even those who seem to be our enemies, we are still connected to them. We often share the same fears and dreams. We may express them in different ways, but we share them just the same.

As the world becomes more connected through technology, we are beginning to see how many people we are connected with. You would think that with this information, the world would be more understanding and compassionate than ever. I do not have to tell you that is not the case. Sadly, many of us focus on finding people who dislike the same people we do. If we were to get to know one another without judgment, I think we would discover how we are all connected in ways we never would have thought of. Next time you are tempted to judge someone, or think less of them, know that is some way they are most likely connected to you. They may be experiencing the same struggles, be facing the same inner demons or feeling the same loss you are. Let us approach one another with a sense of connection and compassion. Remember the two sayings mentioned earlier. “You are a stranger here but once.” and “Strangers are just friends you have not met.”

SMILING STRANGERS 😃

Last post we discussed an interaction I had with a stranger named Jeff. If you have not read it, have a look. It is an entertaining and brief story. It was a short and pleasant moment with a fellow I may never see again. This altercation not only provided material for a post on this website, but it brightened my day and filled me with gratitude. Can you recall a pleasant interaction with a stranger? Most of us remember rude or disrespectful people a lot more than we remember nice ones. Just the way our brains seem to be wired. The cumulative effect of stacking memories of unpleasant interactions, is that it can lead to a conclusion that most people in the world are unpleasant.

While it is true that there is a demographic of people that we may describe as unpleasant, we are helped every day by people we can often overlook or take for granted. Did you stop for a cup of coffee? Were you greeted nicely? Did someone hold a door for you? Did someone share a smile with you? Even someone listening to what you had to say is such a gift. A person cleaning off a table in a restaurant so you can eat at a clean table. Yes, this is there job, but them doing it and doing it well allows for a more pleasant experience for you. Stop and think of all the nice things that strangers do for you in a day. Even just sharing a smile with you in their busy day. When you do this for a week, it will do two important things for you.

What should be obvious is that it will increase the level of gratitude you enjoy in your life. We have discussed what this will do for you, but suffice to say it will help you in all areas physical, mental and emotional. The more important, and less obvious, is it will help you to see others and the world in a more positive light. When you reflect daily, for about a week, on what strangers did for you, it will help you to see how good people are. It will also help you to see those on your journey as helping you. This will cause you to have a more positive outlook on the world at large. How helpful could this be? You may be asking what those sunshine-challenged individuals did to cause you to feel grateful? Did they help you practice your patience? Give you an example of the person you do not want to be? Remind you how important it is to be decent and kind? Perhaps their poor behavior only allowed your good behavior to shine even greater? There are at least four ways in which a negative stranger can give you something to be grateful for. Imagine how much more we could get from a positive person?

Lastly, turn this around a little. Ask yourself what positive thing you have done for a stranger. You can have a far greater impact on the world around you than you think. Once you begin to take note of things strangers do for you and how they wonderfully impact your life, you will desire to return the favor.

THIS AMERICAN ALSO WANTS TO CONQUER GREENLAND!

With all of the wars of conquest happening around the globe and the foolish words and actions taken by the government in this country you may fear I am adding to that. On the contrary. I would like to point out there is more than just one way to conquer a land, or a people. In the world of this blog, we are viewed in over 200 countries. Some, I must confess, to not even have known about prior to them viewing this site. One country that has yet to join our community of motivated people pursuing an amazing life is the country of Greenland. I do understand that it has less people than the city I live in, but I would love to reach and offer some positivity to them.

Have you ever thought about conquering in such a fashion? It can be conquering someone’s hateful heart with love. It can be conquering your own lack of self-discipline to accomplish your goals. It can be helping a friend conquer their self-doubt to love themselves more completely. In this case, I would like to add the wonderful country of Greenland to our self-improvement family. Reaching a whole new country and its culture would be wonderful. We can all learn so much from each other.

One of the best things we can do in this world is to conquer the division and hate that is being put forth. Love your neighbor even if that neighbor is different or holds a different opinion than you. Conquer your own inclination to judge someone just because they are different. These are conquests the world should be pursuing!

WHEN YOU HAVE ONLY 2 MONTHS TO LIVE…

Take a look at someone you really care about. Now imagine what that person would think if you were gone. What kind of memory would you be for that person? Would you be endless enjoyable and loving times together? Would they recall ways in which you hurt them with your words or actions? Would they know how you truly feel about them? This not only holds true for people younger than you such as your kids and grandkids. We never know when our time is up, or could be called into question at the very least. These moments could be just a phone call away.

That may sound a little dark to some, but that does not make it any less true. Any moment you spend with any person could be the last one you spend together. It could be something as simple as one of you moving away. There have been some friends that I have personally had in my life that come to mind. You think you would get together and suddenly you are thousands of miles apart. Yes, you can still email, call or even have a video chat, but is that really that same? I think we can all agree it is not.

This idea really came to my attention when I had my heart surgery. It was November of 2021. My surgery was scheduled for the following January. Margie and I were out enjoying a movie. Foolishly, I had consumed too much coffee and had to run to the gents. While in there it occurred to me that this could be the last movie we ever see together. My heart surgery was far from a sure thing and there were some serious risks associated with it. I began to picture what life for Margie would be without me. Would she remember our moments together? For how long? Would they be loving memories or would she just be filled with pain and regret? It then came to my attention that I had two months to make sure I loved her the best I could. That was not a great deal of time.

Obviously, I made it through. There was a brief flirtation with death along the way. That whole journey can be found in my third book, The Beat Goes On. It would have been nice to have more time. The tricky part is that we never know how much time any of us have. Something could happen to us, or the other person. Then all that is left is the memories and it is too late to change them or add to them. Think again of that person you care about. If you or them were gone tomorrow, would you be a good memory? What can you do today to insure that?

30 DAYS OF GRATITUDE DAY 29 – FRIENDS AND FAMILY

How can you pick just one friend or family member to be grateful for? It doesn’t say just one, so we will pick a few. Friends and family members add the color to our lives. Some friends become just like family. There are so many amazing people in my life. I am grateful for all of them and are going to work on expressing that better as the year goes on.

For the purpose of this blog, I am going to name a few. It is not a complete list by any stretch of the imagination. As we mentioned last post, I am grateful for my mother. We always have such fun times together. Whether we are going for a hike, working out at the gym or just going for coffee. It is always great conversation. I am grateful for my friends Dan, Jonathan and Nick. Speaking of great conversations, those gentleman always have great things to say. We solve the worlds problems over a cup of coffee! I am grateful for my soul friend Shannon. She not only imparts much amazing knowledge of the natural world, but is kind enough to even let me know when my favorite burger stand opens up! Grateful for all the friends of Margie and I who come to see us at our shows on Sunday. It creates such a warm and friendly atmosphere.

Lastly, I am grateful for Margie. She is not only my best friend, but after next October she will be family as well. She adds so much joy to my life it would take an entire post just to explain it all! How about you? What friend or family member are you grateful for? Once you start thinking about it, I am sure you will feel very grateful and lucky just like I do!

30 DAY GRATITUDE JOURNEY DAY 26 – EXPRESS YOURSELF

It is interesting to think that you could be grateful for a form of expression. Again, this is one of those things that we seldom think about, yet doing so could add an amount of joy to our life. Let us get into it shall we? Have you ever thought about the different ways to express yourself? Unless you are a right-brain, creative person the answer is usually ‘no’. In which ways do you express yourself regularly? Myself, verbally would be my answer. Throughout my life, I have work hard to improve my verbal communication and have achieved a level of some proficiency. This has served me well until recently. At two of my jobs I deal with people who are extremely hearing-impaired. As a person who enjoys a great conversation, it is frustrating that there exists a great amount of difficulty with communication.

This made me explore other avenues. The lady at my day job often texts fellow employees to communicate with them. At my weekend job, the fellow there uses a mixture of writing notes and gestures. Often, there is alcohol mixed in which can make it a little confusing. I thought how nice the written word is, but then also thought of people who’s vision is impaired to one degree or another. As an author, this is still a group I would love to reach. It is wonderful there are audiobooks.

We have just covered 2 forms of expression – spoken word, written word and recorded word. This is just touching on verbal communication. In my life, I am blessed to have many artists that convey their emotions through painting, sculpting, sewing and of course the amazing cakes my lovely lady makes. There are so many forms of expression. Thinking of this reminds me of the book, The Five Love Languages. In which you can explore the different ways both you and your partner both express and receive love. Thinking of all that we just mentioned, there are more than five ways to express love. Some people express their love with a hug, some with a gift and some with an act of service. Some draw you a picture or bake you a cake.

Which of these is the form of expression I am most grateful for? Like many of these items in our thirty-day journey, this is the first time that I have pondered it. In reflection, I would say what I am most grateful for is the fact that there are so many ways to express yourself. Each one reached someone in ways that others cannot. This is yet another reason why we are all important and beautiful. Someone can be saying the same message, just in a different way than you. You delivery may reach someone that others cannot. High polish and a large audience does not necessarily make a message more powerful. Express love and compassion in whatever way suits you. Doing so will reach the people you are meant to reach.