Wouldn’t it be great to know what people think? There are books and courses on just that. If you ask Google how to tell what people think, the answer is that you should combine active communication with behavior patterns. Here is the tricky bit. Sometimes those things not only do not agree, but may be contrary to each other! What then? I say you do look at both communication and behavior, but put the weight on the latter. How often do you hear people say they believe one thing, but then behave in the complete opposite? We are not our words, we are our actions. A person can tell you who they want to be, but if there actions are the opposite, then they are the opposite.
How about you? What would someone deduce you were thinking if they paid attention to your behavior? How about if they only listened to your words? Do your words and behavior match? That is a sign of great character, when your words and actions match. If you wish to know someone’s thoughts, watch their behavior.
This photo was gifted to me from a coworker. What a powerful message. There are many times in life that we are doing our best to comfort, inspire or assist a friend, lover or coworker. Ocassionally, the situation does not seem to change, or it may even get worse. This can have us feeling like a failure or that we let down the other party. Was our advice wrong? Did we say or do the wrong thing? Are we an imposter when it comes to our best intentions. Most of the time it is none of these.
Looking at the photo above, it is pretty easy to see what is going on. During personal interactions, it is not that easy. We must keep this image in mind. We can seem to give our all and have no impact at all. It can be frustrating, deflating or even depressing. If, however, the person is not ready to receive what we have to offer, it can be completely worthless. If you have tried different delivery methods. If you have engaged on personal reflection and still cannot find what you are doing incorrectly, it might not be you. Even the best efforts fail with the wrong person. I equate it to spreading seeds on concrete. Even if you have the most fertile seeds, they will not grow on concrete. You might find fertile soil in which they can take root and grow. It is the same with personal interaction.
Back in the 1930’s and 1940’s people used to refer to people they did not like as a ‘bum’. It was also a name for someone who did not bring much to the situation. In much the same vein, I like the acronym above. Using bum to stand for ‘broke, undermining manipulators’ is a good way to remind us to watch out for these people coming into our life. Broke can be many things. People can be down on their luck through no fault of their own. That is not the broke we are talking about. We are talking about people with no fiscal sense. People who constantly spend more than they earn. Undermining people? They are not only people who gossip and work against you behind your back, but people who talk down about your goals, your ambitions and your efforts to better yourself. Manipulators are pretty self-explanitory.
When you focus on surrounding yourself with good people, keeping this acronym in mind will help. You do not want a bunch of bums in your life and you certainly do not want to be a bum in anyone else’s life.
Good day my friends at Secret2anamazinglife!! Thank you for part of this community in this crazy world. To me it seems there is more conflict and division than there has been in quite some times. Whether that is conflict between nations or division that can turn into hate between political parties. How can we go about solving all of this? It is quite a tall order, but I optimistically believe it can be done. The tricky part is that it must start with a very difficult step.
Most of us have heard the saying, “An eye for an eye.” That comes from the bible, but actually from a Babylonian code of conduct. It means that whatever you do to me, I am going to do for you. That is pretty much how the mafia ran operations. It is how things are done in the world of gangs and drug dealers. If you were to take a step back and think of what all of those situations have in common, you may find a rather unsurprising common denominator. It is the same one that keeps regional and global conflicts raging as well as people at each other’s throats over politics. Which, might I say, is rather foolish. It is never ending violence and vengeance.
Here is the tricky part. When someone does something bad to you, whether that is perceived or real, you feel the need to balance the scales. Sometimes are justified at that. Let me ask you a question. When does it end? Some of the conflicts now raging in the world have the root of their hatred going back thousands of years. It will take someone to stop the need to get back at the other party. Here is the tricky part. It often has people looking and feeling weak. They did something to me and I ‘let them get away with it’. If you get back at them, then they have to get back at you. This will make it necessary for you to get back at them…you see where this ends up.
That is why the quote above is so powerful. An eye for an eye does make the whole world blind. It must stop! Let us be an example in our personal world. Let us stop the need for revenge.
This post comes out on a Monday. A day many of us, myself included, struggle with on occasion. You wake up early than you would like. You drive in traffic to some place you would rather not be to work with people, many of which you would rather not spend your time with. It can all seem rather pointless. In many ways, it provides great motivation to do something more aligned with your soul. Around lunch time, many of us can find ourselves sighing and asking, “What is it all for?” That is a very important and powerful question.
The picture above gives us a very important answer. Whether that is your career or any other aspect of your life, the reason why we do what we do is infinitely more important than what we get out of doing it. One of the most important reasons is to bring joy to those you love. Perhaps you have a family or a loving spouse at home? Your long hours, hard work and sacrifices can afford you the ability to put a smile on their face. Before you think it is just money to keep the lights on and a roof over their heads, which is important, let me give you another avenue to ponder.
Another way in which you put a smile on face of those who have sacrificed for you, whether that is your parents, your family or those who believe in you, is to become the best version of yourself. Becoming a ‘success’ can be defined in many different ways. That can becoming a helpful and compassionate individual. It certainly can be achieving a certain status or material level. It can also be facing and overcoming your personal demons. This could be overcoming temptation to improve your health. It could be overcoming an addiction. There are a million ways in which you can make those who have sacrificed for you smile. The hours your family have missed you while you toil at the office or on the job site. Think of all the ways people have sacrificed for you. You owe it to them, and to yourself, to give it your all and become the best version of yourself.
Almost every day, Margie writes a little note in the lunch she packs for me. It is not only romantic, but helps me keep an attitude of gratitude throughout the work day. It also increases the love that I feel for her with every note I read! This time she decorated an entire bag. Not only do I have a very talented and artistic lady, but she uses her talents to be loving towards me. Now if that would not make me grateful, I do not know what would.
She also found a way to write a little inspiring note on the bag. What did it say? As you can see above, she was thanking me for all I did! Imagine that. She goes through all of the work of decorating the bag, writing a loving note and then thanks me for all that I do! Appreciating your partner is the surest way to receive appreciation from them. Who does not like to feel appreciated? I can promise you all of us do. This added to the love that I felt for my beautiful lady. Alas, there was even more love inside!
Inside she had made me a tasty homemade chicken salad sandwich. Making sure I had enough energy to make it through the day. By the time I even got to taste the food, I was so full of love and appreciation that I already had lots of energy. To many, you could look at this and say that your love packed a lunch and wrote a note. It might make you feel good. If you really stop and think about the time they took to do that, the thought it took to come up with something loving, the care they must of felt for you in order to do all of these things, then it would make you feel extraordinary!!! It should. We must consider everything someone does for us that makes us feel so loved.
\Next time your spouse does something that may even seem simple to you, stop and think of everything it took for them to accomplish. It may not even seem like much to them, but the fact that they did it when they did not have to should tell you all that you know. There are countless things throughout the day that we do for each other. The more we stop and think about it, the more there is to be grateful for. The more we are grateful, the happier we are both with them and with our life. Talk about a win/win situation!
Last post we discussed the quote, “Some people will never like you because your spirit irritates their demons.” Not only is that quote worth repeating, it is worth pairing with the quote above, “Never let the ugly in others kill the beauty in you.” This can be really hard to do. There is the ability to attack people from behind a keyboard, or through a text message. There is little or no chance of repercussion. This, unfortunately, brings out less than the best in much of humanity.
Their is a social media platform that this blog appears on, I will not mention the name, but it can be very confrontational. I have people attack me because of the way the title of my posts are set. They have attacked me for spreading optimism and positivity. Some people have even said some awful things because they believed my spiritual beliefs and theirs were not the same. This is amusing because I do not generally share my beliefs on this site. No, this site is for anyone regardless of what faith you follow.
When you are doing your best to help people become the best version of themselves through both tools and strategies you have learned, as well as the mistakes you have made, seeing the ugly in humanity can be dispiriting to say the least. I am sure the same holds true in whatever career you are in. Even life in general. The other day I held the door for an elderly gentleman who proceeded to enlighten me with what he found offensive about my appearance. Crazy things like this happen to all of us. It can be hard not to let this affect you.
Was I tempted to think, “I am never opening doors for anyone again!”? Not really. Maybe for that gentleman. Even that isn’t necessarily so. He was an elderly man. There could have been a million things going wrong in his life. He could have been facing a health challenge. That tends to happen more the older we get. He could have just lost someone he cared about. That is another event that happens with greater frequency as we age. Who am I to judge? Those who are the cruelest are often the ones who need our kindness the most. The worst thing we can do is allow their cruelty to affect our kindness. First, as pointed out earlier, we do not know what makes them the way they are. If we were in their exact situation, we may act the same. Second, and more important, is there may be someone else out there who is depending on your kindness. Someone who is just hanging on. Allowing someone to take that away may cost the world more than just your kindness. It may cost everything to someone depending on that kindness. Never let the ugly in others kill the beauty in you.
Here is a sad truth most of us have a hard time grasping – some people may never like you. It could be jealousy, envy, racism, or a host of other issues. There are people in my life that I have never even met that do not like me. When your writing is viewed in over 200 countries, it is difficult not to offend the likes of some. There is a gent that is offended by my sharing of anything hopeful or optimistic. He claims that is giving people a false sense of hope. Perhaps this gent would prefer a world filled with dark and depressing material. To him I say, feel free to turn on the news my good friend. At my day job there are people who dislike me because I am upbeat most of the time. That tends to offend them.
With social media there is a world filled with ‘keyboard rangers’, that is people who say things they would not dare say in person because they feel safe behind a keyboard. With this being the case, you are bound to encounter people who will dislike you because, as the picture states, your spirit will irritate their demons. Knowing this, I hope will help you shrug off their insults or attacks as just what they are – their opinions. Do not let them change your beautiful spirit. More on that next post.
What an uninspiring title! Shouldn’t we wish our lives were better? I do suppose the title could have read ‘Do not just wish your life was better’. What we are proposing here is not sitting back and constantly lamenting our life is not all that we desire it to be. Instead, turning that desire into action! Wishing your life was better without taking any action is little better than whining.
What if you do not know what action to take? It is my desire to be a best-selling author. Until that happens, I will continue to work on improving every aspect of my writing and do my best to get it into the hands and minds of as many people as I can. It is also important to work on ourselves. Continuing to improve as many aspects of our person as we are able. Becoming the best version of ourselves is a journey without a finish line. That means there are always ways in which we can better our best. That should excite you. This means there is the possibility for your life to improve in ways in which we have not even considered.
If you find yourself wishing your life was better but not taking any action to make it so, ask yourself why? Are you expecting your fairy godmother to come down and grant you a better life? This may sound a bit fantastical. That is because it is. There is no other way to improve your life than to take consisitent action in that direction. Make sure you do not fall into the trap of all talk and no action. Do not just wish your life was better. Make yourself, and your life, better through your actions.
Here is a real-life situation that I wanted to share because it affects a lot of us. Your situation may not be exactly the same, but I bet you can relate in some form or fashion. A gentleman at work asked if he could run something by me that he was dealing with. Always happy to help a friend I quickly said “Yes.” He told me his brother discovered his wife had been cheating on him, was planning to leave him. That of course made him feel worthless and in this case he was thinking of all kinds of unpleasant ways of dealing with the situation.
This friend was very concerned for his brother and could relate. He said that he had tried talking to his brother, but feeling as he did, his brother did not want to talk to anyone. In a desperate situation, he asked me what I would do. Here was my best advice. I asked what his brother was good at. He told me his brother was an expert on music trivia. I told him to tell his brother he had a music question and he knew he was exactly the person who could help him with it. This would do several things for his brother. First, it would help him realize that he did have skills and value. Sure, music trivia may seem insignificant, but when you are feeling useless, anything helps. Second, it will give his brother an opportunity to help someone. This will give a feeling of purpose and value as well. In addition, by giving help, he may feel a little more comfortable asking for help. It would help ‘balance the scales’ if you will. In thanking his brother for the help, it would also give his brother a sense of accomplishment. Letting him know that he did do something good for someone.
What would you have done in this situation? Have you ever found yourself in the same situation as my coworker, or maybe even as his brother? It is so important to know that we all have value. It may not be in the area we are currently wanting it to be, but we are very valuable just the same. The world would be a lot darker without us in it. When we are feeling down, we need to be reminded of all the good we can do. It may be as simple as helping others. Regaining that feeling of value and accomplishment.
On another note, this is why it is so important to remind all of the people in our lives of their value and importance. You never know when they will be hit by something that seems stronger than them. Everyone needs to be reminded of their strength. Think of someone you can do this for today. Do not wait until someone is hurting to remind them how special they are.
