It sure is a crazy world out there today! We have many countries at war with each other. Even inside the same country, political parties seek to divide us so that we are easier to conquer. It can all seem pretty helpless at times. I even heard a coworker remark, “I have to turn on the news to hear who I am supposed to hate today.” The line was said in a half serious tone, but the point is valid. Some people are really being lead to hate others they have never, and may never even meet. We are told that people of certain belief systems are bad. People from a certain country, or even a certain side of town.
All of these opinions are as ridiculous as they are incorrect. Whether we dislike someone or not should be based on their actions and not on what we are told we should believe. Often countries at war are disagreements between leaders and not the people suffering the violence. In fact, if we take political leaders out of the equation, there would be far less division and war. Why is that? Given the chance, I believe we can find common ground with our fellow brothers and sisters that share our planet with us. We may disagree, but seldom, without outside motivation, do you want to kill your neighbor.
A great way to begin to heal this planet, and all of the craziness in it, is to heal ourselves. Begin by being honest about the hurt and pain we are still healing from personally. Give yourself the time and resources needed for that healing. Let it be reflected in the way we treat others. Do not fall for all of the propaganda. Get to know your neighbor and make your own decisions. Find healthy ways to disagree. Learn about other cultures that are different from your own. Expand your world both physically by traveling and mentally by exposing yourself to more knowledge. Travel and information are the enemies of hate. The more we heal ourselves, and our world, the more we heal the world at large.
One simple change we can make to improve our life greatly is to switch from waiting for miracles to noticing them! This may sound a little crazy to some of you, but it really isn’t. I have experienced a brief flirtation with death after my heart surgery. Coming out of that, it really changes your perspective. Knowing your life can be gone in a fleeting second really puts things in perspective. Everything, and I mean everything, is a gift. That is why I was drawn to the quote above. It mentions the ability to love as being a miracle. We all know that to be true. Who doesn’t feel the miracle of love? This could be love for a spouse, a child, a parent, or even just a good friend. Whether you are giving or receiving love, it feels like a miracle.
Love, joy and all the other amazingly positive emotions are easy to feel like a miracle. What about when life goes in the opposite direction? How can that feel like a miracle? It is is. Look at what else this quote mentions. The ability to learn, heal and begin again. Those are all miracles. Learning can be one of the most humbling and challenging circumstances. Who likes to look foolish? That is usually the first step in learning. When the process concludes, you come out the other end as an entirely different person. One that is stronger, smarter and more resilient. That is a miracle. Healing is really a miracle. How many times in life have we felt like there was no way in which we would be able to continue? It could have been a terrible break up or divorce. Perhaps the pain of losing someone we love? It can leave us in such a dark place there can seem no way out. With the help of those who care about us, maybe a little professional help and of course time, we come out the other side. We may never be the same, but we now have an experience in life in which we can draw strength from. Healing is often an ongoing process, but each step is a miracle.
Even when our life seems like a total loss, miracles can still be found in the ability to start again. Losing a job? Filing bankruptcy? Tornado or hurricane destroy all you have worked for? The game is not over. You can start again. Often with more knowledge to create a better future. This is a miracle itself. The fact that the game does not have to end when we are faced with a great challenge and seeming end, that is a miracle. As you can see, from the positive to the negative, miracles are all around us. Switch your thinking from waiting for a miracle to noticing them and your life will become filled with miracles.
When any relationship is feeling challenged in our life, which category do we usually run to? Unfortunately for many, it is the first group. You did something to make your spouse mad? Buy them flowers. Yes, this is a nice gesture, but what about increasing the respect and trust of a relationship? That would mean so much more. A thoughtful gift is a nice thing to give, but is it worth more than commitment? Of course not.
This is even more true when we are looking to grow the relationship. Discussing goals that we have, and discovering ones we share. That is a certain way to grow the relationship. Supporting each other as you both work towards those goals increases that closeness even more. Seeing and witnessing each other’s growth is such a great feeling. Understanding and recognizing the sacrifices your partner makes in the relationship will not only make you feel grateful, but acknowledging it will do the same for your partner. True forgiveness is a gift so priceless that is cannot be overstated.
Thinking of marriage? What is more important, the ring or the commitment? The answer should be obvious. Why then, do so many of us go for the quick fix of the category above? Maybe we have never been taught the important aspects that make a relationship great? It could be that we are not willing to put in the effort we know it will take to grow the relationship. If you don’t put in maximum effort, can you really expect maximum growth? Even if you are fortunate enough to have an amazing relationship like the one I am blessed to have, looking at this list, are there ways in which you can grow it even more? Look at each word in the second category. How can you add more of that to your relationship? Yes, this will take time and energy, but the return will be a life filled with more love and joy than you can imagine. Isn’t that worth it?
Today’s subject matter I have mentioned before, but it is so important that it should be repeated. Here is a little personal story of mine, I believe you can see how it will relate to your own life as well. When I was told that I needed open-heart surgery, it was roughly 60 days prior. To be honest, there was not much consideration as to what could happen. This was despite the doctor telling me that there was a small possibility of stroke or death. He quickly followed with, “It would only be a temporary stroke.” Jokingly, I asked if the death would be temporary as well. Little did I know that would be the case. We are getting ahead of ourselves, however.
In the days leading up to the surgery, Margie and I went to the movies. It was the movie Eternals. It was a long movie and I made the mistake of drinking some coffee prior to going in. Right as the heroes were saving the world, I had to save myself in the men’s room. While conducting my business the realization hit me that I could be dead in 60 days. Reading that it sounds scary, but my reaction was not. It created a sense of urgency. I realized that I had 60 days to accomplish what I wanted and the clock was ticking.
As I returned to my seat next to Margie my mind was going a mile a minute. I looked over at the love of my life and realized this could be one of the last movies we attended. I thought about the time of year, it was November at the time, and realized this could be my last Thanksgiving, Christmas and most importantly to me was Margie’s birthday. It could be my last shot to do any of these things. Then, I thought about my beautiful lady specifically. She, lost in the superhero plot to save the world looked so beautiful and it pained me to think of how she would feel if I did not make it out of my surgery. What would her memory of me be? There were more thoughts like this of other people I love and cared about. Then there were thoughts of my legacy. That is a word that sounds so far away, but here it was 60 days away from what might be my end. How does one create a legacy in 60 days? I had just released my second book. Did I share everything I wanted to with the world?
My mind began to swirl with thoughts of what I wanted to do in the remaining 60 days. Here is the crazy thing. It was not an exotic trip to Fiji. Although that is still on the list of things I would like to do. It was not get a sports car. After all, what good is material things to you if you may be gone shortly? What I wanted to do was experience and create as many memories as possible. As I write this, I am in a coffee shop with Margie working across the table. It is one of my favorite things. Really, everything with her. I realized I like going to the zoo, grocery store and walks in nature with my mother. Should I, or any of these wonderful people be gone, it would be one more of these experiences I would want to enjoy. Look around you at the people you share life with. You never know how many times you have left with them. Really enjoy that one more. Be present. Be grateful. Love as much as you can. We never know when we will be left wishing for ‘one more’.
Who would not want a more beautiful world? These days things are getting a little ugly in many places. We can feel helpless to make any real change. Most of us are not leaders of countries. We are not those who make laws. We do not lead religions or are not celebrities who have millions of followers. Considering these facts, how can any of us hope to make changes that can make the world a more beautiful place?
The answer can be found in our own lives. When we think about who made the greatest difference in our life it was not the government or a celebrity. No. It was usually a kind word from a friend. Perhaps an encouraging word from our parents. A supportive and loving word from our partner can change our life. Even random kind acts from strangers have a greater impact in our life.
The point is simple. If you wish for a more beautiful world, then spread kindness and love to all you meet. It is those interactions that change people’s lives.
We are on day 19 of our 30 day gratitude journey. Not only does this mean we are roughly 2/3 of our way through, but it also happens to be my favorite number. We are looking at what touch we are grateful for today. Another one of those area that we do not often stop and think about it. If we lost our sense of touch, can you imagine how much different our life would be? Have you sat down and thought about what touch you were grateful for? I can’t say I have. Now I will and I hope you will join me.
One of the things that comes to mind is the touch of a soft blanket on your skin. Make that a warm, soft blanket. We are experiencing high winds and are soon expected to have snow join along with that. Being able to crawl under a warm, soft blanket will feel amazing. Can you image that feeling?
Not to use this as a grateful item two posts in a row, but I would be dishonest if I didn’t. My favorite touch is a hug from my lovely lady. Not only does she give some of the best hugs, but it shows that she cares. That touch conveys so much. Reassurance, love, compassion and healing. All of that in one hug. Can you think of a favorite touch?
On our 30 day journey of gratitude, this could be one of the days with the largest possibility. What place are you most grateful for? This is one of those answers I do not think should have the word ‘most’ attached to it. In fact, I believe you should create a list of places you are grateful for along with a little notation as to why you are grateful for them. Do this places bring you peace? Perhaps they bring you joy? Are there certain places that help you feel connected to people that have passed on? How about places that are an escape or refuge? Are you beginning to have a few pop into your head? I know I am.
Here is a thought that could really blow this wide open. A ‘place’ does not have to be a geographical location. Your grateful place could be in your peace. It could be in your spouse’s heart and thoughts. It could be getting lost in a meditation. A place can actually be a person. Before you think I am taking this to an off-color gratitude post, allow me to explain. Sometimes the place you are most grateful for is wherever your friends are. Maybe your favorite place is with the person you love. It doesn’t matter if it is the tropical beach or the dentist office, as long as they are there holding your hand. A place can be an activity. Some places I am grateful for are where I write, where I walk in nature and where I can be with friends.
If I had to pick a favorite place, it would be next to this lady. Why? Even when I am have a tremendously great time, it is never perfect if she is not there. Whether I am laying in her arms to end a tough day or she is driving me crazy, I always want her next to me. When she is not there it just feels like something is missing. That is why being next to my lady is the place that I am most grateful for.
How about you? What place are you most grateful for? Is it someplace you can visit often? Why not create and add to a list of places that put you in a grateful mindset? It can help you when life gets tough. Changing your surroundings can help improve your emotional well-being. I cannot wait to read your favorite places in the comments below.
My next book will address how to get out of the ‘wake up, pay bills, repeat, die’ cycle. How to get the passion back in your life. As such, I have been speaking to others a great deal on this very subject. Many different opinions as to the cause and the solution of this ailment have been put forth by people of all different cultures, creeds and races. The ironic part about all of this is that many of their answers share a common thread.
Why do we seemingly fall out of love with life? Why do we lose the zest and passion as we get older? More importantly, why do some seem to find it again while others never do? What can we do to get that excited to be alive feeling back into our own life? Asking many people this very question, the main point that came to light is that we do not spend much time pondering it. We often busy ourselves in routines that leave little or no time for contemplation or self-actualization. When was the last time you pondered this question yourself? When have you spent more than a few seconds wondering where all the joy and excitement in your life has disappeared to? What little spare time we have we seem to fill watching meaningless 60 second clips online.
The answer to this dilemma is a little counterintuitive. It can be found in the pictures above. Can you guess what it is? That answer goes by many names. Some call it comfort. Some call it security. It is sticking with the known routine instead of the fear of what could happen from pursuing a life that would be more fulfilling. How many people stay in relationships that are toxic just because they are afraid to be alone? How many people tolerate jobs they hate because they bring a steady paycheck? The answer is far too many. We trade the passion and excitement for perceived comfort and security. I say perceived because life, never mind jobs and relationships, are never a sure thing. Just because a company has been around forever does not mean it will be here tomorrow. In my lifetime, I have seen entire industries that have been here for decades or longer disappear seemingly overnight. I heard the actor Jim Carrey tell a story about his father deciding being an accountant was a safer bet than trying to be a comedian. Then he was fired from his accounting job. I am going to guess that job did not fulfill him either.
I am not advocating giving your boss the one finger salute and walking out the door because they do not give you a 6-month vacation twice a year. What I am telling you is that trading what sets your soul on fire for a preconceived notion of security amounts to spiritual suicide. If that spark in your heart seems faded or gone all together, the time to act is now! What do I mean by act? There are several actions you could take. Start a side hustle that feeds your soul. It could be creating content, bird watching or taking photos. Speaking of taking things, you need to take some risks as well. Nothing that will put you or those you love in danger, but try the things you are afraid of. They might not succeed at first, but you may very well discover the joy you have been missing.
Another thing you can do to recapture your zest for life is to do something that sucks. Again, it may sound counterintuitive but it breeds appreciation for the daily comforts you have taken for granted. There are things we avoid that could improve our lives because they are uncomfortable to do. Perhaps we are putting off writing that book that is inside of us because we just do not have the time. Make no mistake, you have the time. When you are in the middle of doing something that feeds your soul, even if it includes some discomfort, you find the time, the energy and the motivation.
Pushing through discomfort can actually become addicting. Not the act of going through the discomfort itself, but the pride you feel at the end of it. That is the tricky part. We avoid discomfort, but by doing so we also avoid the variety and excitement it brings. The sense of adventure. The pride we feel at the end. The quote above has been attributed to many people and is very true. “Everybody wants to go to heaven; but nobody wants to die.” We want the accomplishments and the feelings that go with them, but we are afraid to give up the comfort we currently have to get them. Instead, we settle for some sort of purgatory where we have a false feeling of security, but we are not truly happy. That is why often those who lose their jobs, relationships or other important things in life and are forced to start over often wind up being happier than they were before. They are forced to deal with that discomfort and have the freedom to pursue what speaks to their soul.
Are you a slave to the comfort in your life? What would happen if the perceived security you thought you had crumbled? What have you been sacrificing in your life for comfort? Is there something in your life that must die for you to get to your heaven? Is that thing the comfort and security you are clinging too? Try stepping outside your comfort zone and see what happens.
Around here many of us will be celebrating the holiday of Valentine’s Day. A day to show love and appreciation to that special someone in your life. Now there are some who take a more cynical view of this holiday and say that it is a “Hallmark Holiday” that corporations use to get you to spend money on their products. That can certainly be said of any major holiday. Just like life, I believe that a day can be what you make of it. Others say, “Why do I need a day to celebrate the person I love? Shouldn’t I be doing that every day?” The answer is of course you should. Life gets busy and sometimes love and romance can be pushed to the back burner. Having a day dedicated to love is a good reminder and just a great opportunity to spoil one another.
The 2 photos we shared make several good points. First, many are alone today and could be longing for someone to love. Make sure that you share kindness for everyone today. This day can also be a great reminder to spread love into the world. The second photo is one that I really enjoy. I am so grateful for the relationship that I share with my lovely lady. We are constantly growing and learning more about each other daily. The one tricky bit about this can be that when it comes to special days, we already are loving each other to the best of our ability. Just like many point out that you should. On a day that is set aside for love, how can you still make it special? In a world – connection.
Margie and I work hard on our relationship and always make time for date nights and appreciation. Still, just like many other well-intentioned couples, life can get the best of us. You work so hard and long that you collapse when you get home and barely see the person you share the house with. Before you know it, a week has gone by and you have only said a handful of words to each other. That is another reason that having a day dedicated to love is helpful. It is a reminder to take a step back and focus on each other and not the world around you. How do you do that? By increasing connection.
The question then becomes, “How can you grow connection?” This seems more difficult that longer you are together. This is part of the fun and work that goes into making a relationship not only last, but thrive. While I cannot speak specifically to your relationship, there are so many fun and creative ways to increase connection. It might be worth spending a few moments with your thoughts, and maybe Google, to come up with a few. I would love to hear what you did in the comments below. I just might use it in my own relationship in the future!
Today is a day to celebrate love. Do not fall victim to the cynics or to the corporate pressure. Give the gift of love to all you encounter. We never know what anyone is going through. A little extra love and kindness is always appreciated. If you have a special someone in your life, focus on gifts that matter. Gifts like growth and connection. How can you give those?
This may seem counterintuitive, but it really makes sense if you stop and think about it. Take them one at a time. Love is a great example. Love is not always of the romantic type. Although it works the same for both. Love is compassion, understanding and respect. At least it should be. When you love someone, that is show them compassion, understanding and respect, the more likely they are to do it to you. The more that you ‘give it away’ to others, the more people are likely to give it back to you. Will there be some exceptions? Of course. If you wish to have a life filled with more love and understanding, the best way to accomplish this is by giving it away.
Abundance is a little harder to wrap your head around. First thing to note is that abundance is not always money. If you have an abundance of anything, the best thing you can do is share it with those less fortunate. This can be your time, a shoulder to cry on or an ear to sit and listen. The more you do these for others, the more they are likely to reciprocate. Even when it comes to money this is so. Think of someone who picks up the tab when you go out to eat. Would you not want to do the same for them the next time?
The point is that in life if you do something for others, they are more likely to do it for you. Therefore, if you want more of something in your life, it only makes sense to put as much of it as you can into the world. The more you do it, and the more people you do it to, the more it will come back to you. Do not take my word for it. This coming week try putting as much genuine kindness out into the world. If you are already kind, double your efforts. Do this for a week straight and see what happens the following week.
SECRET 2 AN AMAZING LIFE 