As this post is published, it is the start of the weekend! Saturday baby! A day generally reserved for relaxation and hanging out with friends. Today’s thoughts will serve you not only on a Saturday, but on any day you read this. It is not about only associating with people who can “Get us things.” No. It is about associating with people who can bring something to our spirit. People who remind us to practice self-care. People, who by their very presence, are self-care. Someone who will inspire us. Someone who makes us feel heard or accepted. These are the people we should surround ourselves with. They will make our lives feel so much richer and fuller.
A quick reminder that life is a balance. It is not just about receiving, but about giving. Can you give to them the great things they bring to you? It is often the great listener that is longing to be heard. It is the one who pays genuine compliments that needs to hear some reassuring words the most. How can you not only appreciate the good others bring to you, but learn from it and pass it not only to others, but back to them as well? This is the secret to life. It is quite often in the giving that we feel the greatest joy.
I was never friends with Bob Marley. He died when I was 5. I feel like we would have had a lot to talk about. Although his recreational habits may differ from mine, a lot of his life philosophy really falls in line with what we discuss here. Take this quote above discussing greatness. He uses the word ‘man’ but it applies to everyone. Many people who are determined to be great focus on all of the wrong things. They do their best to acquire wealth, fame or power. What they should really be focused on is developing character, integrity and positively affecting others.
When you become focused on bettering yourself and being a source of positive influence to others and those you care about, the world will see you as great. If you have a wealthy friend, but you know them to be dishonest and they won’t even return your calls, would you consider them great? I know I wouldn’t. However, if you had a friend that was poor, or did not have many friends or social media followers, but was always there to lend a hand or even to just listen, would you consider them a great individual? I think it would be safe to say that answer is yes.
All this is not to say that you shouldn’t pursue goals or chase your dreams in life. It is good to better your plot in life. It is more important to better yourself if you truly want to be great. By doing so, your plot in life will often follow in its improvement. We should all strive to be great and do so by becoming the best version of us that we can.
Reaching the life we desire can seem like a long, complicated and difficult road. It should not be. How to be successful is not a great mystery. In fact, it can be accomplished with just 3 words. We will take them one at a time to show you how you can go from the life you have to the life you love quicker than you ever thought possible. If you would like to expand on these ideas, I would suggest grabbing one of my books off Amazon. I will put the link at the end of this post.
The first word is mindset. If there is anything that determines the success or failure of an endeavor, it is the attitude in which it is begun. If you know that there will be challenges and you are prepared to meet them and keep your head up, you are far more likely to succeed than someone who considers every obstacle a closed door. There are many great secrets to improving your mindset. Again, some are included in my book, Living the Dream. There is a whole section on developing a champions mindset. Wherever you find the tools and strategies that work for you, keep learning and developing your mindset.
Bruce Lee brings us our second word – focus. I heard an analogy that really makes it clear. If you hit a tree with an ax in a thousand different places, not much will happen. If, however, you hit that same tree a thousand times in the same place, you will cut down that tree. This can be applied to both our goals and obstacles in life. If we stay focused and apply action in a focused nature, we will achieve them. If we act randomly on several different goals, bouncing from one to another, we will achieve very little if anything at all. As the saying goes, if you try to chase two rabbits at the same time, you will not catch any. This is why multi-tasking is such a fallacy. You would be far better to apply all of your effort towards a single goal and moving on to the next one.
Our third and final key to the life you desire is consistency. Nothing is more frustrating than feeling like we are working forever on a goal and it is no nearer than when we started. As so often is the case, this can best be demonstrated in the realm of fitness. We feel like we have been working out forever and still we resemble that loveable man on the biscuit container. If we are honest with ourselves, we will find the missing key is consistency. We workout on Saturday when we have slept in and had a good breakfast. Monday comes and we are not about to get up early. After our first day of the work week is done, we are feeling exhausted and certainly not up for a workout. One day won’t make a difference, right? Tuesday we have to catch up on all of our errands we were too tired to do on Monday. Here is Hump day, Wednesday, we may pop in the gym for a little workout after work, but don’t have the energy we used to. Friday comes and we have so many social obligations, we just don’t have time for the gym. Next week we will do better we say. Perhaps we do. If we continue in this up down fashion, we are unlikely to see any real results. We must do the actions consistently. This is also helped by having a determined mindset and being focused on achieving the result. As you see, they all go hand in hand.
When it comes to your life, apply these three words to whatever goal you are after and you will be amazed with how quick you will see it materialize. Mindset, focus and consistency are the three keys that will unlock any door. What door are you looking to open and how can you apply these three keys to get there?
In life, it can be easy to confuse battles with wars. What exactly does this mean? Our goals are like a war to win. In the journey to achieve them, we must fight several battles. My goal of reaches and serving as many souls with my writing is one that has its ups and downs. My first book, A Happy Life for Busy People, was a great success. It has sold roughly 5000 copies and is owned by rockstars, movie stars and billionaires. Some have even sent me personal letters to thank me. My most recent book, The Beat Goes On, has not done nearly as well as I had hoped. Does that make me a failure as a writer? No, it just means that battle did not turn out as I had planned.
Just like in war, we can learn even more from our loses than from our successes. Many people think viewing their goals as a war to win seems a bit over the top. That viewing life as some sort of life or death struggle may be a bit too dramatic. I am here to tell you that life is a constant struggle for territory, as Les Brown likes to say. If you do not stay committed to living a positive rewarding life, those negative thoughts will start creeping in. If you do not stay dedicated to your health and fitness, those calories will start showing themselves in unflattering ways.
Even in these examples, there are wins and loses. You may lose your temper and snap at someone who does not deserve it. You may give in and have one of those doughnuts in the breakroom…or two. This does not mean you are a failure, or have lost the war. No, it simply means that you have lost a battle. Use that to motivate you. Use it to learn from. The more battles you win, the sooner you will win the war.
Here is something you may not be aware of – you have amazing power. This does not depend on your professional position. It does not depend on the amount of followers you have on social media. Yes, all of these are a form of power, but there are far more intense ways of having power. You have the power to affect and influence your spouse, your children, your parents, your coworkers and even the cashier at the grocery store. You have the power to impact other drivers as you make your way down the street.
You may be wondering how you have power over all of these people. Let me explain. Your spouse. This is an easy one. The people closest to us are the ones who can affect us the greatest. You can say something to make them feel loved and attractive. You can also ignore them or make them feel like they are not a priority. The choice is really up to you. Your children. You can pass on all of the lessons you learned in life. You could also say one thing while doing another. Children learn far more by example than by words. Even your parents. You can make them proud by your actions, or you can make them feel like they failed as parents when you end up in jail for some immoral behavior. How about coworkers? Have you ever noticed when someone is on edge in the office, almost everyone is? There are people who come into work and can bring a ray of sunshine on a cloudy day. Be the second person as often as you can. It will be better for everyone.
Even other motorists on the street. You can wave with one finger or the whole hand. That is up to you. It can impact someone’s entire day. In my neighborhood, I do my best to wave and give a smile to all of my neighbors. Even if I do not know them, it gives a feeling of community and hopefully a little pleasant feeling to their day. Cashiers at the grocery store, or anyone in retail, have their share of challenging customers to deal with. Being a pleasant and appreciative customer can not only make their day go by quicker, it can make them feel better about themselves and the world at large.
Does this seem like hyperbole? Think of when you have someone cut you offin traffic. Do you find yourself saying things like, “People are driving so crazy these days!” Suddenly, your view of the world’s drivers has taken a hit. Someone rude to you at work? Suddenly, customers are so demanding! Why can’t people have manners like they used to? Your opinion of the world is affected. It may not last very long, then again it might, but even for a moment, that person had the power to affect you. This is a power we all have. Are we using that power for good? Are we using our powers at all? Let us put our powers in action and let us use them for good as often as we can!
This thought is so powerful. Not just for the obvious impact on our relationships, but on life in general. Let us start with relationships. I love Margie. I think anyone who knows me, has that pretty much figured out. One could say that I ‘plucked this beautiful flower out of the garden of life’. That is not entirely true. When you pick something, whether that is a person or a flower, you aim to own it. Once you take that view, things can begin to go south in a hurry. In love, we should not focus on possession, but on giving. As the quote above says, when you find a flower you love, you water it daily. That way, it will allow that flower to be a part of your life for as long as possible. Would that same not hold true for people?
Before you get your squirt gun out and possibly irritate your spouse, let me explain. ‘Watering’ someone simply means to give them what they need to grow. In my case, it is helping get Margie what she needs to create her cakes and other magic. It is also introducing her to videos and books to help expand her base of knowledge and introduce her to new concepts. It is helping her see more of the world by traveling with her. It is also giving her a place, and a person, to feel safe and vulnerable with. On occasion, we do attack each other with squirt guns, but that is all part of the fun.
Different quote, but same idea. What I like about this one, is the very last line. “Love is not about possession. Love is about appreciation.” This is something we could all ponder. No matter how good your love is, adding a little appreciation would make it even better. Love is about seeing which of you can give more. This could be in a relationship, a friendship or any other type of relationship. The facts still hold true. Even if it is a relationship that is suffering or on the verge of dying, a little watering could bring it back to life.
This is obvious when it comes to relationships, but it is true of anything we love in life. You love your career? What can you give to it? How can you show it more appreciation? When I become frustrated with my writing, it is in finding new ways to give or reach new audiences that I feel inspired once again. How about you? What are some things, or someone, you love in life? Have you been trying to possess them or appreciate them? How could you show them more appreciation and ‘water’ them more? I would love to hear your answers in the comments below.
Why do we do the things we do? Is it for gain, be that personal or professional? Do we do things based upon who the receiving party is? That is to say, if they are nice, we will do more for them.
I say we should take a hard look at our motivation for what actions we take. Just like we should not let our emotional state be dictated by outside sources, nor should we let those circumstances dictate the actions we take.
Think of your legacy. Think of how you would like to be remembered. What would you like people to say about you? Base your actions on your values. What is your character and who is the person that you want to be? This is what should determine our actions.
Remember to exercise this freedom. Our circumstances may be beyond our control. Our spouse, our boss or the person driving next to us may not act as we wish them to. Trying to control that is a waste of time. What would serve us better is to work on controlling our response to their actions. There is a big difference between giving someone the finger and laughing at their lack of consideration and saying, “thanks for helping me practice controlling my anger and growing my patience.”
In case this sounds like something that is only possible to people is easy situations, let’s look at the man who gave us this quote. Victor Frankl was a Jewish psychologist who was imprisoned in a concentration camp. He had his entire family killed, yet still found a way to give himself the motivation to continue. Knowing by surviving, he would be able to tell the story of what happened to him and help prevent it in the future, he was able to endure. His book, Man’s Search for Meaning is a must read.
Next time we think controlling our reaction is beyond our control, remember a man sentenced to death in a concentration camp could manage, so can we.
Friday, we made it through another week! In all of our lives we have those monsters. It could be a demanding boss. It could be that relative that looks down on us. Anyone in our lives looking for us to fail. Those who are jealous of us. Those who are just unhappy with their own lives. Maybe it is just our inner demons, telling us we can’t succeed.
Like Frank Sinatra said, “The best revenge is massive success.” Of blue eyes was on to something there. Smiling in the face of any monster, be it internal or external, is the greatest victory. You might be asking, “Neil, what if my week was not a success?” Great question. Even if your week has been a total dumpster fire, you are still here. You made it through and there is still the potential for success.
Earl Nightingale gave us this definition of success, “success is the progressive realization of a worthy goal or ideal.” The key word is progressive. As long as you are still working towards your goal, YOU are a success. Enjoy your Friday. Smile at the monster.
Here is a simple strategy I highly suggest all of us should do. It takes one of the more difficult decisions we have to make and turns it into a fun activity. What is this decision? Better yet, what is this activity? Let us take a look.
Have you ever felt stuck at your job? Have you ever found yourself asking, “Isn’t there something better for me?” Maybe you are one of the lucky people who really enjoy your job. Still, you feel there is something that could be more fulfilling? Something that is more in line with your life’s purpose. What then?
I often find myself sitting in my car outside of work asking these very questions. That actually is a picture of me sitting in my car. Here is what I suggest we do. Take a sheet of paper and draw a line down the middle so you create two columns. On the top of one, write “things I really enjoy” or something like that. On top the other write “things that suck my soul” or something like that.
Now simply list everything that you do that really brings a smile to your face and heart. In my case, drinking coffee, listening to classic jazz, taking to people about themselves and encouraging them. List as many as you can think of. They don’t have to make sense to anyone but you.
Now, on the other side, list all of the things that seem to drain the very life from your soul. For me, it is being around drunk people, negativity, and being outside in the cold. Again, they don’t have to relate to each other. Just any thing that you really don’t enjoy.
Take a look at your list. The agragete of which should hint as to what kind of occupation may serve you well. Even if you want to keep the job you have now, it may give you an idea of a hobby or side hustle that could give you more emotional fulfillment. In my case, drinking coffee while talking to, and encouraging, others has me thinking talk show host would be the perfect job. Sadly, I can’t walk into a major network and get my own talk show. What I could do, is start my own podcast! I created the Living The Dream with Neil Panosian podcast. I highly recommend checking it out wherever you stream content.
The second list will give you an idea of what to minimize in your daily experience. Reducing these can increase your feelings of vitality and life satisfaction. Writing it down is the key. If we try bouncing this around in our noggin, we will just end up creating more stress for ourselves.
I’ll be interested in hearing what some of the things on your lists are, and what career, side hustle or hobby you come up with. Please feel free to share yours in the comments!
SECRET 2 AN AMAZING LIFE 