There are many times when I hear people lament that they just “cannot stay positive.” As if maintaining a blissful state of being was a possible outcome. It is not. There are times in everyone’s life that things will be tough. Something sad or tragic may happen. It can be difficult and understandable to feel a little down sometimes. Acknowledging this fact is very important. If we feel bad every time we feel bad, it starts to form a vicious circle of depressive feelings. One feeding the other. We do not want that.
What is the solution to help us navigate our way through tough times? The ideal is learning tools and strategies that will allow us to have these down periods be less frequent and less severe. Notice that does not mean we will not still have these times on occasion. When we do, there are still many things we can do. The first, and most important, is to understand it is perfectly ok to feel this way. It is part of life. The clouds help us to appreciate the sun. Yes, that does sound a little hokey, but it is true. Contrast can drive appreciation.
That leads us to the next action we can take. Find something to be grateful for in the situation. When we lose someone we care deeply about that is tough. It can, however, have us love and appreciate those we still have with us that much more. This does not mean we will not feel sadness and a feeling of loss. That is not only understandable, it means we have loved greatly. We can still feel love, gratitude and appreciation along with sadness and loss. Perhaps vacillating between to the two at a surprising rate. It can all be part of the grieving process.
Giving ourself permission to feel down will help us get through it. We need to be compassionate with ourself, just like we are for others. Working our way to a more positive mindset takes time and is not a linear experience. As the picture above says, it is a marathon, not a sprint.
