In a post-Covid world this could be an alarming title. What we are talking about here is authenticity. We are talking about courage. So many of us do our best to hide what perceive as our faults. Filters on our pictures on social media. Holding back our laugh because we think it sounds funny. There are a million other examples. Can you think of some in your own life? Nobody wants to look like they are less than perfect. There are so many benefits by doing so.
To start, it is liberating. When you become comfortable with people knowing your perceived shortcomings, it takes the power away from them. If you are comfortable with them, nothing anyone else says can upset you. That is a very freeing feeling. Second, it is vital to becoming the best version of ourselves. Admitting and working on our imperfections is the first step to improving them. If we pretend the do not exist, or spend a good deal of our energy hiding them, it will slow our self-improvement.
Lastly, the quote above reminds us that by being comfortable with our perceived imperfections, the more we give others permission to do the same. It can be contagious. Can you imagine asking all of your friends to try not to show anything that is less than perfect about themselves? Hopefully you cannot. Most people would consider that pretty rude. Not to mention, you would never get to fully know what makes up your friend. The crazy part is we basically say that very thing to ourself. By changing our inner-dialogue, we give permission for others to do the same. We get to know each other on a more deeper and intimate level. That will only strengthen our friendship.
Did you notice something else that I did throughout this discussion? I used the word perceived in front of imperfections. The reason I did that is very important. You may think your laugh is ridiculous, and it may be, but it may bring joy and a smile to the hearts of all who hear it. What you view as an imperfection may be a gift to others. What you spend your time and energy trying to hide may be just what the rest of the world needs. Even just having the courage to be imperfect can eliminate a lot of stress for those around you. Let this be contagious. Be brave enough to embrace every aspect of yourself and you give others permission to do the same!
Have you ever baked a cake? My beautiful lady and her daughter own a bakery. I’ve seen more bakery than you can imagine. Don’t confuse that with me knowing how to bake. What I do know is that many ingredients play a role in creating the perfect recipe.
Some ingredients change the recipe slightly. If you accidentally forgot them, the dish might be different but it would not be ruined. Others are vital. Forget this one ingredient and you might as well throw the whole thing in the trash and start over. Can you imagine making a cake with no sweetener?
I think hope is the sweetener of life. It makes even the worst situation a little sweeter. Life without hope would be a terrible recipe indeed. As important as an ingredient is, it does not make an entire recipe. Pouring a bunch of sugar in a pan does not create a cake!
The same is true with hope. You cannot rely on hope as an entire life strategy. You must take intelligent action and put forth consistent effort. Those are some of the other ingredients in the recipe of a good life! Just do not forget to keep hope in your heart. It will keep the sweetness in your life.
Have you ever thought of feeding your spirit or your intellect? We make time to eat every day. We need to do so in order to survive. If you are reading a website like this, it is my guess you are looking to do more than just survive, you are looking to thrive. The way we do that is by making time to feed both our spirit and our intellect. We should work on composing a list of things that do both. Do you enjoy reading books that teach you something new? How about listening to a podcast that can give you a new perspective? How about watching a YouTube video to brush up on a skill or learn a new one? These are all ways in which we can feed our intellect.
Feeding our spirit may take a little thought, but it is just as important. If you feed your intellect, you may be more knowledgeable. What good would it be to be full of knowledge if you are also full of depression and anxiety? Increasing your brain power is no good if you do not increase your inspiration and inner peace. This can be done taking a walk in nature, viewing a piece of art, meditating or listening to a certain piece of music. Whatever speaks to your spirit. It can even be hanging out with certain people.
We eat three meals a day. We should take time to have one ‘meal’ a day for our spirit and our intellect. How about you? Do you feed all three aspects of your life? Can you think of ways in which you can do so?
This is a picture of the amazing coffee that I enjoyed with my good friend Nick the other day. Every time we get together, the discussion is always so productive. We encourage each other to ask ourselves the tough questions. We bring new points of view and different experiences to consider. In addition, Nick holds me accountable in many of my projects. That is the benefit of having a friend like him.
This afternoon we found ourselves on the subject of people overcoming great adversity in their lives to go on to both accomplish great things as well as inspire others to do so. He shared a story of a young lady who was a 16 year-old theater student. While preparing for a role in a production, she fell through a door in the stage and become paralyzed from the neck down. As a young person just beginning their life, this had to be devastating. She confessed to crying herself to sleep on many nights. Over the decades that followed, and with intense therapy, she managed to regain use of 4 of her fingers. This may not sound like much, but it allowed her to operate a motorized wheel chair. This gave her a greater deal of autonomy and motivation to continue to push on. Thirty years after her accident, she appeared on stage and sang a song from the production she had been training for on that fateful day when she was sixteen. Something the doctors had told her would never be possible.
For those of you who follow this blog, you know I am a big fan of Inky Johnson. He is a gentleman who trained to be a professional football player since the age of 7. His junior year in college he was told he would be a top pick in the NFL making him an instant multi-millionaire. He called his family who were all living in great poverty and told them the great news. Two games later he suffered an injury that left his left arm paralyzed. This ended any hope of a professional sports career. He is now a prolific speaker sharing his story to inspire others. Again, after much therapy and countless sleepless nights.
My question to Nick, and to myself really, was what was it that makes these individuals able to overcome the challenges they face while so many of us go back to bed if we stub our toe getting out of bed? What is that mindset that allows you to push on long after others would have quit? It is the ability to be resilient. The definition of that word skillfully placed above this paragraph. What allows someone to be resilient and how can we develop more of it? Inky Johnson would credit his faith as a major reason for being able to keep going. That may be a part of it, but those without a spiritual belief have also demonstrated this ability. What allows a person to have the fortitude to make it through sleepless nights, through tears and heartache?
The reason this question kept bouncing around my brain is because pain, loss, and heartache are things all of us will go through at some point. The desire to quit is also something we will all face. That can be the desire to quit a job because you do not like your boss. The desire to quit on your marriage because you and your spouse cannot seem to get along. Giving up on your health journey because you are tired of waking up sore and eating chicken breast. To, of course, giving up on life itself. Being the person that I am, and the mission I have for my life, it is my goal to help people persevere more. Too many of my friends have given up on too many aspects of their life, and sadly some on life itself. That bothers me so greatly it has motivated me to do all that I can to bring as much love and light to the world as I can.
How can we develop the ability to be resilient? The first step is acknowledging that it is a skill worth putting the time in to develop. I think we can all agree that you are always in one of three stages in life. You are heading into a storm of life, in the middle of one or just coming out of one. That is not negative thinking, but realizing that there are always challenges to face. Most of them are not nearly as intense as the two listed above, but some are even greater. One of the things that we can do of the start is to have a vision for our life. If you do not have a destination for your life, how are you going to get anywhere? What is the purpose for you to get out of the bed in the morning? If it is to just pay bills and die, you are not going to be able to withstand what life has to throw at you. If it is to see your grandchildren grow up and bring as much to their lives as you can, that is a far stronger reason.
In addition to developing a strong ‘why’ for your life, developing a strong self-care routine is essential. If we do not take care of ourselves, we will not be able to take care of anyone else in our life. In addition, meeting challenges in the best possible state we can will give us the best chance of overcoming them. That is not something you can do if you do not take care of yourself. I would throw in a study of people who have overcome tragedy themselves. I cannot think of anyone who has made it through something intensely trying that did not want to share what helped them do it with others. Start with watching some of the videos Inky Johnson has on YouTube. If you know someone in your life that has overcome something challenging in their life, ask them for advice. In my second book, Living the Dream, I share several of these stories at the end as inspiration for us all.
If you find yourself in the middle of a circumstance that has you wanting to give up, let me share something that has helped me personally. Knowing the pain and hurt you are experiencing will give you the tools and strategies that can help others in the future going through that same pain will not only help you to keep pushing forward, it will also have you being present enough to learn the lessons that you will pick up along the way. You will emerge a stronger, more credible, and yes a more resilient person on the back end.
One very important note on the end of this post. If you are thinking of giving up, reach out for help. There are times when we need help developing that resilience. It will also give those helping you a feeling a value and purpose. Never give up on yourself. Study resilience. It is something that can and may save your life.
How many self-improvement books do you imagine there are in the world? I have written 3 by myself. A quick Google search says that over 11,000 self-improvement books are published each year. Let us narrow it down a little. How many books do you think there are about happiness? Once again asking good old Dr. Google, they estimate thousands. I think that would be a very conservative estimate.
The point of all of these questions is that there is a ton of information out there on both improving your life and the level of happiness in it. It can feel impossible knowing where to start. (My suggestion would be the great book, A Happy Life for Busy People) The ironic thing is that we are making this far more complicated than it need be. Yes, there are amazing tools and strategies we can use. Many of which are both on this website and in my 3 books. You do not have to google sites like secret2anamazinglife.com or even wonderful authors like Neil Panosian to discover a beautiful life. Your life can improve dramatically using the 11 items listed above.
None of these items cost a thing. They can all be done whether you live in a studio apartment or a mansion. Each one of us has a surprising amount of tools at our disposal to improve our life. How about getting and giving a hug? Both parties end up better for it and it costs nothing. Things like gratitude, meditation and watching a sunset or sunrise. I think we could all agree that these would make our live a bit more amazing. If you were to do all 11 items on the list above every week, your life would improve by leaps and bounds. What is stopping you? Time? Most of these take no time at all. How long does it take you to feel grateful? How about to do a little deep breathing? There is nothing standing in our way from taking these simple, no-cost actions to improve our life.
Print off the list or save the picture on your phone. Try to work all 11 in through the course of a week. See how much more joy you find. Can you imagine doing all 11 in a single day? Why not? it would take you all of 5 to 10 minutes and serve you a lot better than scrolling mindlessly on your phone. It would still even leave you plenty of time to do that as well should you choose. A beautiful life does not need to cost a lot or be very complicated. It only need a few simple items like those above. What other items can you think of that will not cost a thing and bring you a more beautiful life? Let us know.
Let us be clear from the start. This is not a recommendation to be completely fiscally irresponsible. What it is advocating is making sure to budget some money on creating joy in your life. If we wait to have fun until all of the bills are completely paid and everything is settled in our life, we might be waiting forever.
In addition to waiting forever, think about how life will feel. It will feel as though joy is constantly being delayed for responsibility. Chasing instant gratification with no thought for responsibility is a recipe for disaster. So is denying ourself any joy. It can lead to feelings of frustration and resentment. Not to mention life rather sucks while we are going through it. Who wants that? As you read this, I will be on my way home from a week-long escape to the tropics. Was it expensive? Yes. Is it worth it? Absolutely. My lady and I work so hard, we need and deserve time to reconnect. Do I still owe money on my car and need to save more for our wedding? Yes, but by taking this time away it will keep me refreshed and able to push on towards those two goals. Plus, it will keep the love strong between Margie and I so the wedding will still happen!
In your own life, be responsible with your money. This will include setting some aside for fun while you look to take care of all of the bills you have. Memories are a bill of sorts. What is a life worth that has no joyous memories to look back on? One that was solely focused on getting ahead and material acquisition? Not much at all. A life filled with lots of love, joy and happiness with a few bills still left to pay is worth a great deal more!
Today will be my last workday before I leave for Sunny Jamaica on Monday. I thought this picture was funny, but the more I thought about it, there is some inspiration and direction to be found here as well. That flamingo will be me shortly, coconut drink and all. Hopefully I will not be as pink, but I will be laying in a chair just relaxing. Do you know why that is a powerful thing to do in our life?
Have you heard the funny cliche about how most of our good ideas come to us in the shower? Why do you think that is? Do our brains need humidity to function? Does the smell of our shampoo help our brain cells to work more efficiently? While I cannot speak to either of those notions, there is another answer that may surprise us. Taking a shower is one of the few times we give our minds a bit of time off. As technology and the speed of change increase, this becomes even more true. We have a device in our pocket that can occupy our minds no matter where we are. Scrolling videos in line at the grocery store. Checking our social media while conducting our business in the restroom. It would feel many of us lack a moment of sacred silence.
Our minds should be one of our hardest working employees. Through my first 3 books, I show you many tools and strategies to put that employee to work for you. Think of a human employee. If you give a person something to do 24/7, they will break down in a short amount of time. At the very least, they will not be operating at peak efficiency. It is not just being efficient that matters, but being creative too. When you are feeding your mind content that has been created by others, you leave it very little time to create its own. Not to mention, we need time to properly process that content we do assimilate. If not, it becomes a giant tangled mess in our brains. Does that sound familiar to any of us?
Yes, I will be creating content while in Jamaica. Mostly video content is my guess, but there will also be plenty of relaxation and time to enjoy my lovely lady. We both work so hard our time together is either spent brainstorming our creative endeavors or passing out in each other’s arms. Those are both wonderful to be sure, but leave little time for enjoying each other. Plus, who does not want creativity to blossom in their relationships both romantic and otherwise? This can only happen when we give our minds time to come up with those thoughts.
You might not be lucky enough to have a trip to Green Island Jamaica planned, but you can plan and schedule some time with your thoughts. Give your mind time to sort out the millions of bits of information we all digest on a daily basis. I think you will be surprised with things you come up with. Do not rely on the shower and right before you sleep. As a matter of fact, those of us who lay down only to find our minds wake up, display a need to spend this time. Your mind is begging to communicate with you all the time. If you never give it a chance, it will take the only time it has which is usually in the shower or when you are trying to fall asleep. Neither of which is terribly convenient. By scheduling time to unwind we will be able to sleep and shower better!
This site, secret2anamazinglife.com, is generally filled with tools and strategies to live an…well…amazing life. How to succeed and excel in every area of your life. We touch on such important areas as your health, your career and your relationships. Somedays, pursuing lofty ideals do not even cross your mind. It does not escape my attention that there are days when all of us just struggle to make it through. There are days when the struggles of life weigh heavy and it seems the world is on our shoulders. On these days we may not be interested in hearing about self-care, certainly not self-improvement. We are just doing our best to make it through to the next sunrise. On some days it can take all we have to get out of bed. On the toughest of days, we might not even be able to do that.
It is for these very days that what we share with each other here is so important. When your world seems dark, the last thing you want to think about is being the light for others. That can seem impossible when you cannot see the light yourself. It is okay to have these days. There is nothing wrong with calling in sick to work when you feel a sadness you just can’t seem to shake. That is what sick days are for. We can suffer physically, mentally, but we can also suffer emotionally and spiritually. There are days when you may feel sick in your heart and spirit. Take the time you need. Even the strongest of us have days in which it can become too much for us to handle. There is no shame in that.
Days like that remind us of why the kindness we show each other is so important. That can be the kindness of a friend, or a simple, but powerful, smile from a stranger. We may not be having one of those days today but we know what it is like to have one. The smile on someone’s face can be hiding a pain we know nothing of. That is why it is important to stay together and help each other out on this journey we call life. Whether we like it or not, we are all in this together. The easier you make the journey of your fellow human, the easier yours will be too. Whether you are the one we needs to take a day to recover, or you are running into someone who does, we must stick together. Despite differences, despite disagreements, we must all show each other love and respect. Doing this we will be able to get through this together.
Today we play the Super Bowl here in the United States. It is one of the most watched sporting events. Ironically, or tragically, instead of bringing people together, it has seem to create a lot of division. Not only about this team or that, but even now about who plays the musical entertainment during halftime. Rather silly if you ask me. There is something a great deal of these people are missing and you might be too. That is your super power.
In these times of crazy politics, division and in many places all out war, people have grown weary. It can be a chore every time you come across the news. I find myself missing the days of my youth. Then we were all full of energy and a good amount of blissful ignorance. There is a great difference between being informed and inundated. It can be hard to escape the world when it comes to us in so many different forms. There is of course social media which can be found on our laptops, cell phones and many other places. There are friends, family and coworkers. We hear things on the radio at work and the television in the waiting room at the mechanic. It can leave you exhausted.
There are two scary facts about this situation. First fact is that the news and world events are not going anywhere. It matters little what party is in power or what time of the year it is. Media will continue to put the big scary stuff in front of us because it sells. The media is not about making sure our emotional well-being is taken care of. There are not even really about bringing us information. Much like any other business, the media is about making money. The way you do that is to get people addicted to viewing their platform. The way to do that much of the time is through fear.
The second, and perhaps scarier fact, is that all of this fear and exhaustion takes a toll on us. This may not be a shock to many of us, but it is worth spending a second to think about. The toll is physical, mental, emotional and spiritual. It can lead to much more than living in a state of exhaustion. It lowers our ability to fight disease. It will increase the chance of conflict between ourselves and others. After all, who hasn’t reacted poorly just because you were exhausted? It reduces the amount of joy we can experience even in the good times. I don’t know about your life, but in my life there are far too many amazing people to enjoy fully that I do not want to show up already out of gas. It is like working yourself to death for a vacation and when you get there you are so tired you sleep through it.
Many of us feel like we are sleep walking our way through life. The cure is to use our superpower! What is that superpower? Self-care. That might sound soft of cliche to some of you, but reserve your judgement. Let us use our vacation example. Would you rather show up to vacation drained with no energy or would you like to show up ready to experience and fully enjoy all the vacation has to offer? Why should your answer be any different for life? Life becomes more of a job and less of a vacation when we are constantly making our way through it running on empty. That is why self-care is so important. Taking time for it should be a requirement, not a luxury.
Many of us are afraid to turn down a social obligation or use a mental health day at work because we think it will make us look weak. Making yourself a priority allows you to show up bringing your best self. That is a gift you can give your boss and more importantly, your friends and family. Self-care is different for everyone. Someone may need peace and solitude. Some may need to meet a friend for coffee. I personally enjoy a chair on the beach next to my lovely lady. Whatever your definition of self-care is, make sure you not only make it a priority, you schedule it. When people know you have an ongoing date with your self-care, they are more likely to respect it. Take care of yourself and you will be far better prepared to take care of others and the world around you.
Now that the holidays are over for many of us, it is vital we pick a day to relax. We have spent days and sometimes longer, shopping, cooking, cleaning and generally stressing out. Add to that our normal work and household obligations.
Now it is time to sit back and relax. Cooking is probably not necessary with all of the leftovers we have. Plenty to ponder and be grateful for. There are, of course, the gifts we received. There is also time we had with family and friends, or maybe that our family and friends have finally left. Not sure where you stand on that one. Either way, plenty to be grateful for!
The stress we go through during the holidays can drain our body, our mind and our spirit. This can put us in a dangerous position when it comes to our immune system. Have you ever noticed the ‘flu season’ seems to come right after the holidays? Take some time to take care of yourself before your body forces you to. We all deserve health and happiness going into the new year.
SECRET 2 AN AMAZING LIFE 