Have you ever tried to change something about yourself? A bad habit perhaps? Maybe you wanted to stop smoking? It could be you wanted to eat healthier or go to the gym regularly. Was it easy to do? That question we all know the answer to. Whether it is adding something to your life, which is a bit easier, or removing something, the task is difficult. It can seem just as you think you have it down, back you start from square one. This is true for me with the gym. I get into a routine of going, then I get sick or go on vacation and have a hard time going back. Even if you know the change will be good for you, it can be next to impossible to change years of thoughts or behavior.
Once we stop and think about this, we begin to understand how foolish a thought it is that we could change another person. To begin with, we have no right to decide what is best for our neighbor. We could think that what we are wanting them to do will benefit them. We could have the best intentions. The truth remains, it is their life to live and we have no right to tell them how to live it. Add to this the fact that we do not know their entire story. Why do they think and do the things they do? We do not even have those answers for ourselves quite often. It can be something that happened in childhood that doesn’t even register to the conscious mind. It can be a seemingly irrational fear that exists.
To try to change someone is to also judge them. To decide the way they are currently is not correct. That is not our role or responsibility. Even if we manage to guilt, trick or force them to change, it will lead to resentment in the long-run. Is that what we really want? Someone acting the way we want them to in the moment, but resenting us the entire time? Not to mention, what is right for us may not be right for them. Each person is a unique and wonderful person the way they are. The best way to help someone become the best version of themselves is to love them the way they are and to encourage them when they decide to pursue a course of self-improvement. If we remember how difficult it can be for us to change ourselves, we can begin to understand how foolish it is to try to change someone else.
