2 BOOKS + 2 HABITS = 1 AMAZING RELATIONSHIP 👏

People often wonder what the secret to the relationship I have with Margie. Firstly, it helps that she is an amazing, patient and understanding woman. However, there are certain things I do on my end that ensure we will continue to not only maintain, but grow our love for each other. They are 4 simple things that you can do in your own relationship, starting as soon as you finish reading this blog post! We are going to discuss how this works in intimate relationships, but as you will see, the four items can be used to create an amazing relationship whether it is platonic or intimate.

The first suggestion is to purchase the two book featured in the photo above. We will look at them one at a time. How to Win Friends and Influence People is my favorite book of all time. It not only is filled with secrets to help you navigate the often tricky world of interpersonal relationships, but to do so making the other person feel loved, valued and heard. The ‘influence people’ portion sounds like you might be manipulating someone, but it is quite the opposite. Let us say you would like your partner to be more romantic. You could try being direct and saying, “Why on earth can’t you be more romantic?” That would not only have them feeling defensive, it would also not stir up many loving feelings. If, however, you encouraged romantic behavior by telling them how loved you felt when they did ______ . ‘That’ being whatever romantic behavior they last did. Perhaps, you could start by doing romantic behaviors yourself. When they are overwhelmed with love, you can say something to the effect of, “I know it is important to let you know you are loved. Doing romantic things are the best way I can think of to show that.” These subtle behaviors will have them wanting to be romantic with you and they will even think it is their idea. You are influencing their behavior, but it is more guiding than manipulating.

Above are the 5 love languages, from the book of the same name. We are all a mix of each and doing anything from the list is good. Still, we are usually predominantly one. That is to say, we usually receive love best through one of them. Here is the tricky part, we also usually show love through one of them. What if the way your partner receives love, and the way you show love do not match up? You may feel like you are working so hard to show them love they are not really seeing it. That’s ok. There is a quiz in the book that will help you discover how you, and your partner, both show and receive love. This will allow you to have your partner feeling more loved than ever before and you can do so easier than you imagined. If they are on board as well, you will be feeling more loved as well. Talk about a win/win! If you are not into reading, or don’t have the time, get the audio versions of these great books. Listen to them on your morning commute or when you clean the house. Imagine coming home from work being a greater lover than when you left? Imagine if you did this every day for a month?

The 2 habits we are going to discuss are ritual and reminder. Do not let the word ‘ritual’ scare you off. We are not going to sacrifice a living animal under a full moon. A ritual is a dedicated set of actions done with intent and feeling. How does any of this have to do with creating a great relationship? Simple. Once you discover the way your partner best receives love, set up a ritual, or routine if that word still scares you, that accomplishes those actions. Let us say your partner best receives love through words of affirmation, my personal one, then set up a ritual where you do something on a regular basis that accomplishes that. When you start out, maybe do it once a week. One day it may be an online post letting the world know why you love them. The next might be an email letting them know all of the reasons they are amazing. The following could be mailing them a card with a heartfelt message.

The possibilities are endless. They are only limited by your creativity. Not so creative? That is what Google is for. An important side-note. When your partner takes the quiz, you will see they have a first, second, third and so on, list of how they receive love. I would throw in a few in the number 2 category as well. Remember, we are not just one or the other when it comes to receiving love. In addition to what you are already doing, maybe you could do a load of laundry for them. Stop at the grocery store and pick up something you know they need without them asking. You could even let them know you will be passing the store on the way home and ask them if they need anything.

How on earth are you going to remember to do all of this? That plays into the last of our 4 tools to an amazing relationship. A reminder. This leaves room for creativity as well. I like setting an alarm in your phone. Maybe for shortly after you leave work. Just a quick reminder to do one of the actions that make your partner feel loved. You can also make it your screen saver on your phone. Most of us look at our phone hundreds of times a day. What a better way to ingrain a habit into your mind that to look at it hundreds of times a day. How about picking a symbol? Meaning, every time you see the word ‘love’ somewhere it will remind you to take the actions to make your partner feel loved. It should be a symbol you see regularly, but not so much it does not stand out.

If you take these 4 actions, I promise you that your relationship will be better than before. It works for me and it will work for you. As you can see, this can be used for any person that you wish to increase a connection with. The tips in How to Win Friends and Influence People can be used in a business setting, with friends or family and anyone else you want to win as a friend. The 5 Love Languages even sound romantic, but if you replace the word love with the feeling of importance and value, you can see how it would work in the platonic sense. As for ritual and reminder, it can be used to call your mother, compliment your boss or check in on a friend. These tools will improve any relationship you want to focus on. The one at home has the biggest impact on your emotional well-being, but having great relationships across the board will improve your life!