AFFECTION

Last post we spoke about a relationship secret. That secret was treating each relationship the way you did in the beginning so that there will not be an end. This post focuses on one aspect of doing that. It is one of the biggest mistakes couples can do that will lead to you waking up years from now next to your good friend and roommate instead of your passionate lover.

How do you keep that passion alive? How, after years of seeing each other day in and day out can you not fall prey to the law of familiarity? When you are around someone enough isn’t natural not only to become immune to their charms, but take them a little for granted as well? It may be natural. It may very well be what happens to most of the couples out there. If you are reading this post on a website called Secret2anamazinglife I would trust you want a relationship that is better than the average couple.

Would you like to wake up just as passionate for your partner in year 20 as you were in day 20? There are several things you can do to accomplish that and we are going to touch on one of them today. In fact, that word ‘touch’ is what this is all about. One of the first things to fall victim to time in a relationship is romance and flirting. It is very important to maintain those displays of affection.

One of the best ways to fan your partner’s flames of desire for you is to make sure they know you still find them attractive. We are talking about more than a simple hug here. I have a friend I was discussing this with the other day who told me him and his wife do not kiss on the mouth anymore. When I asked him why not, he informed me that “It just feels kind of awkward now.” This is a sure sign you have moved from lovers to friends. In an intimate relationship the only thing that truly differentiates them from platonic friendships is physical intimacy. Sneak in a passionate kiss when they least expect it. Grab your partners butt. If you follow these actions up with genuine words like “I just want you to know I am as hot for you as ever.” I promise you that you will leave your partner speechless.

Be warned, however, that people outside your relationship may grow tired of the two of you showing each other affection. You may hear things such as “Don’t you two get enough of each other?” or the ever popular “Get a room!” Do not let these Debby downers prevent your show of love to your partner. They have more than likely fallen for the lie that affection should fade with the years a couple is together. Their relationship may very well be headed to the ‘friends and roommates’ category. Do them a favor and suggest they show the person they love some affection as well.

Another way to keep affection alive and well in a relationship is to always be open to new adventures. I can’t tell you all the fun things that Margie and myself have attempted together with love and an open mind. Even if it turns out you did not enjoy the experience you have a bit more knowledge about your relationship and on occasion a memory you can both laugh at.

Giving your partner something exciting to look forward to can make all the difference in the world. Plan romantic and sensual evening together and then send fun and teasing messages to each other leading up to the event. Maybe a text in the middle of the day, a note put in a lunch taken to work. Be creative. Use these and other fun items to keep the naughty side of your love alive. It just may very well save your relationship as well. Feel free to share any ideas you and your partner use to keep the passion alive in the comments below.

RELATIONSHIP SECRET

Nothing has more influence on the quality of our life and amount of joy we experience, or do not experience than relationships. That is why there are so many books, CDs, seminars and relationship counseling. It is a multi-billion dollar industry. Much like good health, weight loss and stress reduction, people are always looking for that magic pill that will give them immediate success in these areas of their lives.

The bad news is that there is no magic pill that requires no work to transform your relationship. The great news is that there is one step you can take starting today. It doesn’t cost a single penny. This involves a change in mindset. Many of you may read the quote above and find that to be ridiculous. “We have jobs and responsibilities now! I can’t spend time worrying about being charming, flirting and all of those other dating things!” I ask you what is really important then?

Fear can be a great motivator for some of us, so I feel obligated to mention this. Relationships, no matter how long they have been, can end at any time. Even if we feel comfortable and secure in how they are. There are countless stories of relationships that people thought were going great until they wake up one morning and find their partner gone. “I thought they were happy. I thought everything was good.” they find themselves saying. Only in reflection they recall they never asked. They just figured that part of their lives was ‘handled’. They were married. They had kids.

I equate this to other areas of life. If you get in the best shape of your life and then stop working out what happens? Do you stay in that shape? Of course not. If you put a lot of energy into getting a job or promotion and then cease giving any effort do you think you will keep that job very long? Then why do so many of us think that relationships are any different? All relationships have their ups and downs to be sure, but they must be worked at daily.

If our relationship is at its best shape, much like our workout example, if we just leave it alone it will begin to go backwards. This may seem like you are in for a lot more work, and to some degree that is true. What is really important to note is that work has the most amazing rewards. The quality of our lives is the quality of our relationships. Therefor, it makes sense that the better quality our relationships, the better quality our lives. This holds true not just for romantic relationships, although those have the most profound impact, but coworkers, parents, children, the boss and other family members. Another great plus is that the more you work on this the easier the work becomes. When you are listening for clues as to what makes people happy and what upsets them, it becomes easier to do the former and avoid the latter. The more information you compile that more tools you have at the ready.

Do yourself a favor and print out the quote in the picture above. Treat every relationship in your life like you are trying to win it. Not only will you make those around you very happy, but your life will improve dramatically as well.

SEE THE GOOD!

Look at the Brightside! How many times in our life are we told that? Especially in dark times. I do not know about you, but when that is the lone piece of advice someone gives me when I am feel down I feel like pushing them down. Not exactly, but it is tough to hear and even tougher to do on a lot of occasions. We are often left saying, or at least thinking, “Don’t tell me to look at the Brightside when my life is full of darkness. Show me how to see the good!”

Seeing the good in life is made infinitely more difficult if you subject yourself to mainstream media. Nightly news, online sights, radio and newspapers all seem to fight over telling you the most dramatic and negative stories about the world around you. Fear sells, tragedy sells, and to some degree conflict and hate sell. Throw in an election like the one we have coming up here in the United States and all of that is only magnified.

What is needed in the world today are tools that will show us how to focus on what is right in the world in the face of conflict. Someplace that will not only shine a light on great examples of the positive aspects of life, but help us to find even more examples on our own. Readers of Secret2anamazinglife.com know that we are committed to bring you all of the latest tools that can help you from across the globe.

Enter the website See the Good You will find the link at the end of this post. I encourage you to add this to your list of daily reading. On this site you will find not only stories of positive inspiration, which we could all use more of in our lives, but tools to discover the joy and gratitude in your own life as well. I know I will be reading more from this site during the holidays and in the coming New Year. I encourage you to do the same!

CLICK HERE TO VIEW SEE THE GOOD

WARNING OR EXAMPLE?

Warnings, we see them everywhere. It can be a stop sign warning us to be aware of the traffic around us. It can be a message from the surgeon general reminding you that the cigarette you are about to put into your mouth will cause you physical harm and eventually death. Even signs like the one above warn us to take caution with what we are about to do next. Warnings are not only all around us, but serve to keep us safe and improve the quality of our lives in the long run.

Examples, they are all around us as well. We look at directions in a box as examples of how to properly use and sometimes put together the item we have purchased. We can watch videos on YouTube on how to make a fruit tart for the one we love in our life. We can watch professionals on television show us everything from how to play sports well, to how to perform surgery. Examples are all around us as well. Properly used, they can help us live a more positive and rewarding life as well.

Here is something we may not have considered. Each one of us, and the life we live, is either a warning or example. In most cases we are a little of both. What is important is deciphering whether something is a warning or example to us. We can use the excuse that our parents were alcoholics or abusive and that is why we are the same. This would be using them as an example. If we used them as a warning we could understand the problems from a health and social aspect alcohol can cause when used irresponsibly.

What we choose as our examples is just as important. We must decide who it is we wish to become and who we are looking to emulate. Also, knowing what parts of the example we wish to take in. Sometimes part of something is good, and some is better off left behind. A person may be really good at the sport they play, but they may also cheat on their spouse, abuse drugs or a host of other malicious behaviors.

We must remember that we are also warnings and examples for those around us. People can learn from our mistakes as well as our victories. It is important to convey that. Think about your own life, what are you teaching those around you? Are you a warning, an example or both?

A GREAT MOTIVATIONAL EXAMPLE

I am always on the lookout for examples and ideas that can help us live a more positive and rewarding life. Today one such example was made clear to me. I am going to share this tale with you as I think it is something we can all use to keep us focused and motivated to stay on the right track.

Recently, my mother was cleaning out a room in her house and had come across some boxes of my old toys and such. Wanting to clean out her house and not wanting to just throw these items away she asked…no she told me to come get them. They included toys from G.I. Joe, Star wars and other such items. After loading them into my car and carrying them down into my basement I had no idea what to do with them. I knew that I wasn’t going to sit down and play with them. I knew they had some value, but am not very talented or well-versed on things like eBay or online selling. I put a message on my Facebook page wondering if there was anyone who might be interested.

One of the more helpful replies I received was from a high school friend named Bill. Apparently Bill was an avid Star wars collector and would be interested in taking a look at what I had. After a few false starts because of my health issues, we got together this evening. Bill informed me that he had recently left his job and began to work from home. I am always interested in stories where people make such a radical change in their lives and what is behind it.

After handling the matter of the toys transaction I asked what he did from home. He explained he sold on eBay. The story he told me is what I would like to share with you. Bill had been working Third shift in an injection molding factory for about 20 years. One Thursday evening/Friday morning he was told he would have to work the next day and it was mandatory. He felt like that was the last straw. We have all had that moment at our jobs at one point or another. I know I have. If you haven’t, you are extremely fortunate and have a great job. What Bill did next is what most of us do not have the comfort to do, he turned around and walked out. Now working from home selling on eBay he has time to take his daughter to school and go on field trips, all while earning a living.

This story is good enough to be inspiring, but there was one more detail I thought would  benefit all of us here.  Whether you are an author working on your next book, a song writer working to create that next hit, or even a blog writer trying to positively affect the world, there can be times that motivation to continue seems to wane. It is then we need to remember our ‘why’. We should have our goal in front of us daily to drive us. Not only to remind us of where we wish to go, but why we started in the first place. The day that Bill left his job he still was wearing his work shirt. He told me today that work shirt hangs right by his computer to remind him why it is important he succeed in his eBay career. It also reminds him of what the world he left was like and all he has to be grateful for with his work-from-home position.

Do you have a job you want to leave? Are you pursuing your passion on the side? Do you have to miss important dates and family gatherings because your boss needs you on the job? Are you wishing (or in my case needing) that tropical vacation? Find something to motivate you to stay focused. A picture of the islands, a picture of your current job, a picture of your soulless boss or any other such thing that will remind you of what you are chasing, and what will be the result if you give up. Use both the pleasure and the pain. Please share with the rest of our readers what you use for motivation.

WORRY ABOUT THE ROOT AND NOT THE FRUIT

On a site dedicated to living a positive rewarding life, it is sad we must address issues like the shooting that happened at a Pittsburgh synagogue. Living a rewarding life does not mean blinding ourselves to the harsh realities of the world around us. It means finding constructive ways to address and positively affect that world. It is easy to grow weary with each new report of these crimes of hate. It is easy to believe that things will keep getting worse.

To me, it creates a sense of urgency. Time to take actions to bring the people of the world together is more important than it ever has been. With people in places of power that propagate hate and division, it is up to all of us to not only make sure we put people in power who have an agenda of peace and understanding, but live by such a creed ourselves. It may seem like an individual person has very little power in changing the world, but that could not be further from the truth. It is only through individual change that we will bring about global change.

There is a lot of debate when it comes to gun control, placing armed guards in our schools and places of worship. There are also studies on the effect video games and the media that may desensitize us to violence. What are the answers from a legal and political standpoint I do not confess to know. What I do know is that is treating the fruit. What we as spiritual warriors need to do is treat the root. What causes this behavior in the first place. That can range from the disintegration of families, the forums we give those who preach hate, continuing hateful beliefs that have been passed down from generation to generation, and the way we carry ourselves. No matter who you are, no matter what gender, what belief, what nationality or any other category you belong to, there is someone who harbors feelings of hate towards you. They only way to prove those individuals wrong, and to bring a better sense of understanding is to be a positive example of the groups we belong to. It is very hard to maintain of feeling of hate for any group, when every person belonging to that group is a positive example.

Another great thing that we as individuals can do to create global change is to change focus. Begin to talk about and promote positives, especially in those that are different from us. In the wake of the Tree of Life shooting, I have seen pictures of many interfaith vigils. This is great and should be spoken of with equal measure to that of the violence. It does bring to mind why there are not more interfaith activities before tragedy strikes. It is up to those as religious leaders to make that happen, but also to us as individuals. What is to stop a group of people from different faiths from coming together to pray, meditate or just to socialize and better understand each other? There is nothing. It can be extremely difficult for some to cultivate a sense of understanding for those who believe different from us. That in the end is what will change the world.

I encourage all of us to reach out to others and begin to speak peace and togetherness starting today. Focus on all the joy and greatness we share on this planet. If you disagree with someone, do so with tact and compassion. We are the peacemakers and the agents of change. It is time to put into practice the power we have.

HOW TO BEAT YOUR COMPETITION

 

Competition. Everyone has someone they are competing against. A coworker for a job. A person on the team for a position. Maybe even the violin player next to you so you can get first chair. There are even healthier forms of completion. Competing with your lover to see who can be more romantic. Competing with a friend to see who can eat healthy for the longest and who can make it to the gym more days this week.

While all of those may indeed be examples of competition, I think the real competition can be found within ourselves. There is an old Cherokee tale of the two wolves inside each one of us. In short, there are two wolves inside each one of us, a good wolf and a bad wolf. Each one wants to be in control and they will fight to gain control over our mind and body. The simple way to figure out which one will win? The one you feed the most. That is the real competition. It happens inside each and every one of us. The picture above gives plenty of examples.

Let me put a few more out there and see if they sound familiar. You know you should get up early and go to the gym before work but you hit snooze because it is cold out and you are tired. You just fed the bad wolf. You finally go the gym and put in a good workout. You fed the good wolf. On the way home from the gym you stop at the all-you-can-eat pizza place and have…well…all you can eat. You fed the bad wolf. You know you should apologize for something you said to a friend, but you don’t because your ego convinces you that you will look weak or bad. You fed the bad wolf. You talk about your neighbor/coworker/friend behind their back. You fed the bad wolf. You helped a complete stranger just because they needed it. You fed the good wolf.

Our lives are filled with examples of this over and over everyday. It is a never-ending…competition. The competition you must win is on the inside. This is a competition we will be in for the rest of our lives. Some days we may win, some days we may lose. Like any other competition, the more we practice, the more we train, the more we learn from our loses as well as our victories the better chance we stand in winning tomorrow.

THERE IS NO SHORTCUT

We are fast approaching holidays, followed by a brand new year. Personally, I feel excited about what 2019 will bring and I am working now to make sure it will be the best year it can be. I am back to 5 days a week at the gym, I am starting to clean a lot of the clutter out of my life physically and spiritually. I am also putting in the work with my writing career to help advance that as well. I was doing very well in 2018 until a few personal and health issues derailed my progress.

If you are a person who spends any amount of time trying to maintain your physical fitness, I am sure you can relate to the next thought. I had spent the first 6 months of the year working on getting back in shape. In mid June I was sent to the ER with what was later determined to be a serious heart issue. I was out of commission for about 30 days. When I returned to the gym it was as if those first 6 months had never happened. How frustrating. Only now, 3 months after getting back to the gym am I starting to feel like I am close to getting back in shape.

What is really important to keep in mind is there is no shortcut. Everyday I have to show up. Every single day I must put in the work. This has held true for my writing career as well. 7 years ago I began this website. 5 years ago I released my first book. I would have thought I would be all over television and on the radio talking about my 4th book. Next year my second book will be published. Everyday I showed up and wrote something. It would be great if we could all workout one time and be in shape for the rest of our lives. It would be great if our relationships would be filled with joy every moment. It would be great if we were successfully working a career we loved, were good at and made a great deal of money from. Life, as we know, does not work that way.

The reward is that the harder we work for something the greater the sense of accomplishment when we achieve it. Not only does struggle and discipline increase our feeling of satisfaction, but also is the best catalyst for growth and evolution. We may not realize it at the time, and trust me I get that it may feel like you have paid more than your share of dues, but sometimes there is just something that we have to learn, some growth we have achieve.

This can be especially hard to grasp when you watch others around you achieving more with what appears to be far less struggle. First, we must remember we never know everything that goes on behind the scenes with even the people closest to us. The relationship they have may have taken a lot more work than we know. That promotion they got? They may have studied and worked for years we do not know. Second, they are not us. This may seem like a tip from captain obvious, but think of how unique each of us are. We all learn in a different way. Some like to read, some are visual, some are audio-based learners. Does that make one better from the next? Of course not.

Those who have toiled the longest often end up with the greatest sense of joy. If you are handed a promotion because of who your father or mother is verses having to work for it, you may very well appreciate your job less. Be grateful for the struggle my friends. It may seem like a painful thing to go through, but it can be the greatest teacher. Also, remember we are all going through it. Struggle is a universal experience. It may not all be in the same area of life, some may be better at hiding it but we all go through it. Be thankful for the lessons. Be grateful for the practice in patience and the chance to grow. Whatever you do, just do not give up.

“You can’t hire someone else to do your push-ups for you.” – Jim Rohn

POLITICAL AD BURNOUT

Ah election time. Here in the United States it is election time. With this triumphant event comes the onslaught of political ads. These, I am to believe, are meant to sway your opinion from one candidate to another. The amount of money spent on these ads amounts to the income of many small countries. What good could be created if this money was put to a more productive use is frightening. It is my firm belief there is enough money there to allow all the candidates to fulfill their outrageous promises.

This would not be so bad if these ads contained useful tips on how to better connect with your government or say get that awful smell out of your gym shoes. Instead let us look at what we do get for all of the tax money and other funds allocated for such endeavors. All but a slight percentage of ads actually feature the opposition. If that party is an incumbent it will proceed to explain how everything that has went wrong in your life can be attributed to this individual. Be that the crime in your neighborhood going up, the quality of your life going down or that stain you discovered on your new shirt. If, by contrast, the party featured in the ad has yet to obtain an office the ad will likely feature a doomsday prediction of what will happen if this person is elected. Things such as taxes rising 3 million percent, everyone’s job disappearing and your dog packing up and running away from home. In short, both ads will tell you what a terrible world you are living in.

It would not be so bad if we had an option to avoid all of this negative banter and mudslinging. These ads, however, find their way into every facet of our lives. There are of course television spots filled with images of impoverished neighborhoods, homeless individuals and other dire circumstances set to spread across the land unless you vote the prescribed way. There are radio ads that fill our ears with such inspiring terms as ‘liar’, ‘thief’ and ‘scoundrel’. There are ads that fill our mailboxes that combine both. There are even emails, online ads, and today I received a text to go along with those very effective automated phone calls.

Being exposed to all of this negativity can have several bad consequences. If you are a staunch political opinioned party member they are designed to get your blood boiling and heart rate higher until you are telling everyone you know how they should vote and attacking friendly neighbors even if they display the slightest chance of supporting party. If, on the other hand, you are someone like myself who is focused on your little corner of the world and votes for the best candidate regardless of party affiliation, you can still be left feeling depressed and hopeless. You may become frustrated at all of the negative things you hear and read. Even if you do not vote and could care less who wins, you are still having to take out more garbage and your favorite program is being interrupted with more and more commercials.

What can we do to avoid getting political ad burnout? There are a few things. First of all, remember just like any disagreement, the truth usually lies somewhere in the middle of the two sides. All parties do some right and some wrong. I say all parties because it bears remembering there are many different parties to choose from so if you have had it up to here with all the negative banter between the two major parties you do have other options. Another very important thing to keep in mind is all you can do is cast your one vote. Sure, you can hold rallies or put a sign in your yard, but when all is said and done we all have just one vote.

Here is another thing that could make this season a little more bearable and even inspiring. Election time inspiring? Yes indeed. Every time you hear, see or receive a political ad say something nice about someone. Maybe send someone some well-wishes. A few of my friends even suggested turning this into a drinking game. Unless you would like to be incapacitated until mid-November I would not suggest this course of action.

Most importantly, remember to respect others. For whatever reason, politics can seem to bring out the worst in people who otherwise seem like fairly normal and even slightly sane individuals. Do not swallow the brainwashing that all people belonging to a certain political party secretly worship the devil and want to eat small children. Although they may subscribe to a different ideology, that does not make them, or you, any less of a person. It is only by working together that we can truly change this world to a better place.

“A house divided against itself cannot stand” – Abraham Lincoln.

HOW TO DO IT ALL

The title of this blog post may seem a bit vague, but it is true. To do anything in life all we have to do is be good to each other. In a world that is ever shrinking due to technology, everything we do will involve and go through people. In my life whenever I have shown kindness to others it has always been returned to me. It may very well not be from the person I have shown the kindness to, but it definitely returns to me. Sometimes the payoff is in the great feeling I get knowing I helped someone.

As the week draws to a close and many of us have the next 48 hours to do with as we please let us spend it finding ways in which we can be kind to one another. Even those of us, like myself, that spend the weekend working we can still discover new and wonderful ways to share love and happiness with each other.

Ironically, it seems that when our lives are the darkest we can become the least helpful of others. It may seem logical on the surface. Why worry about helping someone else when I am facing my own bucket of problems? Funny thing is, helping others is one sure way to feel better about your own problems. When my life was the darkest I spent the extra hours I was using to feel sorry for myself or worry about my own life to help at a local meal program. Doing so not only forever changed my life, but blessed it in ways I could only begin to tell you. It gave me the stark reminder that others had it far worse than me. It also showed me how my gift of helping others see the beauty in themselves, others and the world around them can do so much good.

It has been moments of being good to others that has created this website, wrote my book, filmed videos on my YouTube channel and gave me this career. In everything I do, I strive to show kindness to others and without a doubt, that kindness has always returned to me. If you want your life to be filled with joy and blessings, the best way to achieve that is to fill other’s lives with joy and blessings.