Although this is directed at men, it can hold true for both genders. Children are far more likely to learn from our example than the words that we tell them. We set an example as to how a relationship should be between two people. Even if your children are grown, watching their parents and how they treat each other is a great influence on their behavior with their partner. If you normalize things like demeaning sarcasm, violent outbursts, name calling or a host of any other emotionally unhealthy behavior, they may think that is just ‘part of the relationship’.
That is why it is so hard to hear people say “We are staying together for the children.” If you truly are, then give them a great example to emulate. If you cannot, the only thing staying together will teach them is that they should sacrifice their emotional well-being to remain in a marriage. If you feel you must stay together for your children, never stop working on your relationship. If you both feel it is genuinely beyond repair, it would be better for the children to show them how a healthy separation would look. That two people can discover they are not right for each other and still be respectful.
Remember, your children will grow to adults and what they saw growing up will go a long way in to deciding what is acceptable in a relationship. Disagree in private. Praise each other in public. Work on healthy communication skills. The healthier your relationship is, the more you are setting your children up for success in their relationships. They may not say anything and you may not think they are watching but they are. Would you want your children to emulate your relationship? If the answer is ‘no’, what are you going to do to improve it?
