Just a quick reminder, if you find yourself stressed and overwhelmed, it might be time to take a walk in nature. Not only has nature been shown to provide many physical and psychological benefits. These include, but are not limited to increased oxygen, increased cardiovascular activity and am increase in overall well-being.
There is something else that we hopefully do. That is slow down. Walking through nature is not just to see how fast it far you can go. It is not just about counting steps. It is about counting moments and discoveries.
Some of the things are mentioned in the photo above. If you have a smart phone, which most of us do, you can use Google to identify plants, trees, birds and insects. You will increase your knowledge while reducing your stress. What could be better?
The future. It can be a scary prospect. It can be a difficult project you have coming up. Maybe you have a presentation to give at work you are nervous about? There are difficult conversations we must have. To the basic Monday morning dread some of us feel.
There are 2 ways of looking at this dread, in my opinion. The first is that the future will come whether we want it to our not. No amount of dread or feeling nervous will change that. In fact, the more we get worked up about it, the more we are extending the pain of the event. It will still come, and may very well be difficult. Why add to that by sacrificing the time leading up to it?
The second, and perhaps more productive, way of looking at this is to use it as motivation. If you are nervous to give a talk at work, use that energy to be as prepared as possible. Monday morning dread? Use that feeling to find ways to bring as much joy as your can to your morning. That could involve buying a special coffee to enjoy on the way to work to five minutes of gratitude focus first thing in the morning.
As Marcus Aurelius said above, we will meet the future with the same weapons of reason we have today. If that thought is not reassuring, then work to improve your weapons of reason. Otherwise, do your best to relax and enjoy and be grateful for the present.
This reminds me of another saying that you can’t reach your destination unless you are brave enough to lose sight of the shore. Either way, the point is the same. When we are striving to create a better life for ourselves, and thus become a better version of ourselves, there are often things about our current life and self that we must give up.
People can get a little funny about this. Giving up an aspect of your life, or yourself, can make you feel like there is something wrong with the current version. Perhaps it is that wording that is too harsh. What we must be honest with is how dedicated to that new life we are. If we are looking to become healthy but are unwilling to quit having ice cream at 10pm every night, how dedicated to our health are we? We want to be more productive, but we can’t give up binge watching television for 3 hours? How much do we really want to be productive?
It can get even trickier when we think about who we share life with. Are you working on leaving alcohol behind, but can’t imagine not hanging out with your childhood friend who parties every night and is hung over every morning? How dedicated to being sober are you? Trying to work on getting fit but still hanging out with people who tell you it’s OK to skip the gym. How dedicated to your fitness are you?
Here is the important thing to consider. There is nothing inherently wrong with ice cream right before bed, going out drinking every night or skipping the gym. It boils down to what kind of life you want to live. What do you want it to look like? You might have to sacrifice some pleasures and some people. It doesn’t mean they are wrong. It just means they don’t fit into the life you are trying to create.
How many times have we heard that poverty is a state of mind? It can be quite tempting to snear at that when we are looking at all of the bills we have to pay or a bank balance that is less than we hoped. Still, like any cliche, there is a large dose of truth to this.
Looking at this quote from Seneca above, we will find the key to avoiding poverty is being content. I might swap out that word for the word ‘grateful’ but let us take a look at how this works either way.
The other day I had coffee with my mother. We discussed vacations we had been on and how much fun we had. We could have focused on the fact that we couldn’t swing another vacation presently, how much more our costs to go on vacation or even how we wished we were enjoying our coffee that morning on a tropical beach. How would this thinking have left us feeling? Dismayed? Wanting? Slightly depressed? We could even have felt angry at the rising costs of everything.
This morning I enjoyed coffee at home across from this beautiful lady. We only had a short amount of time to enjoy it as she is working for a market she has coming up. We could have felt sad we didn’t have more time with each other. We could have been bummed that we didn’t have time to make it to a nice coffee shop. She could have been overwhelmed about the market. We could have even thought about how we would rather be on vacation! We would have felt cheated, overwhelmed and generally unhappy.
Luckily, all of us are rather versed in the thinking Seneca advocated above. My mother and I were grateful for the memories we were able to discuss. That meant we had experienced some good times. We were also grateful at the nice messages written on our cups. Margie and I were grateful that in the middle of life’s chaos, we were able to carve out some time to love each other over coffee.
It may sound like a subtle shift to some of you. Let us look at what that shift resulted in. Both situations had people we felt fortunate for what they had. Could it have been more? Sure it always could be. It could always be less. When you focus on what you have verses what you lack, you feel grateful and rather fortunate.
When you stop and think about it, our life is our emotions. How we feel is really how we are. If we have all the money in the world but are angry and depressed all of the time, our life is anger and depression. If we do not have as much as we would like, or even as much as we need in some cases, but we still are able to see the beauty and joy in each moment, our life will be beauty and joy. Life is really what we choose to focus on. Find ways to be content and grateful and you will never feel poor.
There are so many times that every day life gives us keys to an amazing life we often miss. This is one of them. Yes, I realize that GPS is a machine. It does not have emotions. It does not overthink. Do you know what it also does not do? Give up! Can you imagine if we did one thing that our GPS does? Whenever life, or our plans, do not work out the way we planned, say out loud, “Recalculating route!”. You may think you look a little crazy, people may laugh at you. Laugh with them! This is a great way to remind ourselves that a change in route is not a failure, but an adjustment. We can still get to our destination, it may take longer. We may need a different route. We will still get there.
Can you imagine if GPS acted like us sometimes? We are running late and encounter a closed road and our GPS just says, “You’re screwed. Your day is over.” How about if we take a wrong turn and our GPS says, “You are an idiot! Why did you do that?” No. It just recalculates how to get there. It takes in account we did not take the way initially planned and make adjustments. You think you have found the perfect life partner and they turn out to by a lying loser? Yes, that sucks. Just walk away and say, “Recalculating route.” Lose the job you thought you would retire from? It can be a very difficult set back. There is no doubt about that. Say “Recalculating route!” and brush up that resume!
Life is not always easy. There are challenges. A cute saying like this does not fix them. What it can help us realize is that life is not over, it is just taking a different route. Next time you hear your GPS utter this familiar phrase, smile to yourself and know that life is much like a unplanned detour on a car trip. Recalculate your route and enjoy the journey!
The other night I attended a talk on the brewing history in my city. Indirectly, it was supposed to be focused on the history of one company in particular – Schlitz Brewing Company. Why? The reason is they are going out of business after more than 150 years. In reality, they first went out of business in 1982, a little more about that later. What this talk, among others, taught me is that there is a lot to be learned from our history. It also taught me a few other lessons that I wanted to share with you today.
Schlitz was a brewery founded in 1849 in Milwaukee. I am not going to spend too much time on the history of this company as this is a self-improvement site and not a beer site. It is an interesting story if you want to research it. Through the years the company survived many challenges. This included prohibition where they were forced to develop and sell other products. As late as 1957, they were the largest brewer in the world. What happened? That is where the lessons begin. We will talk about the brewery, but I am sure you will be able to make the connections to how we can apply this to our lives fairly quickly.
In the 1970’s a man who was an accountant, not a brewer, was given major power at the brewery. Lesson one might be to stick to what you know. He somewhat did this as he was a number guy. He decided that instead of battling other brewers to sell the most beer, he would find ways in which they could increase their profit margins. This included swapping out cheaper ingredients and rushing how long it took to prepare the beer. Before we get to what happened at this brewery, let us look at one other company the company had purchased and tried this same experience with before. Primo beer in Hawaii. When they bought the company it had roughly 70% of the Hawaiian beer market. After cheapening the brewing process, in only a few years their market share was down to 20%. They dismissed it as a regional issue. Not learning from your mistakes, or at least pondering what could have caused them would be lesson two.
Meanwhile, on the mainland things were looking great. Profits were up. Beer was being produced quicker and cheaper. Shareholders seemed to be happy. Corporate executives were happy with their bonuses and raises. Only one problem remained. The beer tasted terrible. People noticed. What happens when you start producing an inferior product, even if it is faster and cheaper? People stop buying it. That is exactly what happened in this case. After several years of denial and falling profits (remember they were not good at learning from their mistakes) they went back to the original recipe. It was too little, too late. They first closed their doors in 1982 and sold to a different brewer. Side note, because of the debt this company inherited with the purchase, it also went out of business.
The final lesson, and perhaps the most important one, is the one we can gain by looking at what brought down the company. Sacrificing quality to cut corners. You may be thinking this does not apply to you if you are not a beer producer, or at least a business owner of some kind. Not true. It applies to us all. When we begin to cut corners in any area of our life. It can be performance in our job. It can be cutting corners when it comes to our health. We can cut corners in our relationship. All of these will come back to haunt us in the long run. We may try to go back to being a good employee and showing up to work on time and working hard while we are there. By then, our boss may have made up their mind to move on. We may want to start working out and eating healthy, but the damage to our body may be beyond our ability to repair. In our relationships, hurt may be forgiven, but seldom is it forgotten. As these continue to mount, it can be impossible to overcome, even if we become the most dedicated and loving partner.
The lesson should be abundantly clear. Never sacrifice quality. That is certainly true if you are a business owner. Even more so about ourselves. By delivering the highest quality product, which is the best version of ourselves, we keep the customers happy. This is our boss by being the best employee we can be. It is our own body, and mental health, by taking care of it. It is also our relationships. This is with our family, friends and romantic partner. If we do not take care of our relationships and bring the best version of ourselves, our life will be tough to make it through. Always work to bring the best quality product to market by working to be the best version of you that you can be. Keep all of the customers in your life happy. Your boss, your doctor and your friends, family and spouse.
Have you ever had a moment in your life that made you feel a certain way at the time, but upon reflection, has taught you lessons you missed completely? If we spend a moment pondering that question, I am sure we all have. Allow me to share a humorous story from my own life that was both humbling and embarrassing at the time, but has since taught me some very valuable lessons.
This happened early in my life. I was working in a shopping mall at of all places a hair salon. Back then malls where busy places. It was both a place to shop and a social gathering place. This was before there were as many online communities in which to gather. If you wanted to meet and converse with people you had to do so in person. It was also a place to show off your fashion, have a first date and enjoy a day with friends. It was exciting to be a part of it.
Wherever there are large groups of people, there are usually large messes. Someone has to clean that mess up. In the mall I worked at it was a young man named Oscar. He was an immigrant from some Central American country I honestly cannot remember. Oscar was short and his English was not the best. His job was menial, but very important. People did not stop and consider what would happen if nobody were there to clean up after them. People either ignored Oscar as if they did not even see him at all. Worse yet, some made fun of him or treated him like an indentured servant. Crazy thing was Oscar was friendly to everyone. Even those who treated him unfairly harsh. I admired this about him and told him as much. Before long, he and I had a casual friendship. He enjoyed having someone who respected and listened to him. I enjoyed having someone who managed to see the sunshine in the cloudiest of circumstances.
One day my friendship with Oscar would come back to haunt me. I had forgotten my lunch and ate food in the mall food court. Moments later, my stomach had let me know that I would have been better off going hungry. I rushed to the public men’s room with not a moment to spare. The one stall that had all of the items necessary to do the business I needed to conduct had one outstanding feature. When you closed the door, there was about a 2 inch gap between the door and the side of the stall. Being that it was a busy day at the mall, this was quite a predicament. Unfortunately, mother nature does not afford you many options in this situation. As I sat contemplating the unsavory ingredients that could have been used in my lunch, I could see through the gap in the door my friend Oscar walk in. He was there to clean the restroom. With the greatest of regret, I discovered he saw me through the same gap, although my position was a far more humbling one. He immediately began to talk to me through this gap, all while keeping eye contact. “Mr. Neil, how are you today?” After much back and fourth, I was able to convince Oscar it would be best that we continued our conversation at a later time and in a different locale.
I know Oscar was trying to be friendly. He didn’t have many friends and perhaps it was a cultural difference of not understanding the need for privacy. After this humbling interaction I noticed Oscar was never quite as friendly. Perhaps, considering my position, I was a little too direct in letting him know I did not want to talk. Maybe he felt bad when he realized I was embarrassed talking through a men’s room stall. In retrospect, it was a good lesson for us both in respecting boundaries. I am sure, in an attempt to help, or just be a friend, I have overstepped someone’s boundaries. There have been times that I have felt hurt when someone was rather direct in letting me know they did not want my association, even if just for the moment.
When I think back to that moment in the mall men’s room, I remember how there were two different people, in two different positions that both ended up feeling uncomfortable. It taught me, and still teaches me, that I need to recognize when some people just need their space. It also reminds me not to take it too personally when people are direct about communicating their need, or desire, to have that space. It has become something I have learned to appreciate. How about you? Have you had one of those experiences?
Each one of us, the author included, is on a journey to become the best version of ourselves and to create an amazing life. One of the most difficult things to understand about that is that self-improvement, like many other things in life, is not linear. That is to say you do not become a progressively better version of yourself every day. Your life does not go on a perfectly upward trajectory. It sure would be great if it did, but it does not. You feel like you are finally getting a handle on your anger, and then on a stressful day you snap on someone for no good reason. You feel you have managed to heal from the hurt in your life, and one morning you wake up in tears. It can be tempting to think this amounts to some sort of failure. It does not. In fact, it is necessary for several reasons. When this happens to you, as it will to all of us, there is one thing to remember.
This was brought home to me in a personal way today. Writing this site, and writing in general, is something that always brings me a great day of joy. Researching and learning ways in which I can make my own life better and then sharing them with this community is often one of the best things in my day. There are days, like today, that I find myself in a funk. Have you ever had one of them? You wake up and feel down. A little defeated. Perhaps a bit of sadness fills your heart? It is worse when you can’t even pinpoint what the cause of these feelings are. Maybe there are a million things you are dealing with that all happen to tap on your brain at the same time and it feels overwhelming. That was the kind of day I am having today.
The coffee shop I write at has its own little community. A group of regular people who come and go and cross paths. We learn a little about each other and our lives through simple conversation. One of those people is Cindy. She knows and interacts with many of the people in this coffee shop. Today she asked how I was doing. “Well Cindy, the tricky thing about writing a daily motivational website is doing so when you feel in a funk.” Cindy looked rather understandingly at me and said 3 words that I feel is an important reminder for all of us to carry on this journey to better ourselves and our lives. She said, “You’re only human.”
There is a great thing about days like this. It reminds us why we want to improve our life and ourselves. It also reminds us what it is like to struggle. It is that reminder that allows us to have compassion for the rest of the world who struggles too. It reminds us that there will always be challenging days and that they give us the kick in the butt to build a life where they are fewer and less intense. In this case, it also reminded me how important it is to befriend others. They can give us that powerful reminder like Cindy did to me today. In your own journey, when you make a mistake or have a day where you are in a funk, remember you are only human. Use those days and that pain for motivation. Use it to increase your compassion for others.
“Who is this charming and handsome man?” you may be asking yourself. This is what I look like when I am supposed to be writing. At this moment there was a little flash rainstorm and I was looking out watching it. What was even more important was where my head was at. I was thinking of my life. Not only was I just pondering it, but I was thinking of all I have to be grateful for in it. I was sitting inside, dry and comfortable. I was working on my fourth book. At least that was what I was intending to do. My mind was filled with these positive distractions.
Many of us, myself included, view these moments as a mistake. Perhaps a hiccup on the road to productivity. The ironic thing is that we, as a society, need more moments like this. We are so busy trying to get so much done that we do not give ourselves the one requirement that would help us the greatest. That requirement is time to sit and think. With all that I have going on in my life, I do not take this time enough. I work 40+ hours a week at my day job, DJ on the weekend, write this website and, as mentioned above, am writing my fourth book. Moments of relaxation and contemplation are viewed as some sort of guilty pleasure. That is the emotion that comes up often when enjoying a moment of cerebral solitude – guilt. This time could be used for doing something productive. It could even be used to spend time with the woman I love. At the very least, I could use it to catch up on the sleep I never seem to fit into my schedule.
Here is the crazy part of all of this. This unproductive time will help me do everything better! Many of the best ideas for writing that I have came to me in moments where my mind was free to express them. That is true for both the website you are now reading as well as my books. As far as my relationship goes, that was one of the things I was thinking of. My lady had sent me a picture of her earlier and I swear she looks younger and more beautiful every day! She is amazing cook and we are going to have a great meal tonight! Do you think spending a few minutes thinking thoughts like that are likely to help or hurt my relationship? It will not only make me feel good, but increase my gratitude for both the relationship and the lady I share it with. By allowing these thoughts to manifest themselves while I am awake, I may even be able to sleep a little better. Have you ever laid down at night, your body ready to collapse, only to have your mind be flooded with a million thoughts? That is because they finally have a chance to manifest themselves. We are so ‘busy’ during the day we never have time to listen to our own thoughts.
Do yourself a favor today. Spend a few moments just sitting and thinking. You will be amazed at what might pop in your head! If you want to level up even more, maybe jot it down in a journal. It is like having a conversation with yourself. Will people think you are crazy? Perhaps. Just remember there is a thin line between genius and insanity. Looking at the picture above, I am not sure which side of the line I fall on. What I am sure of is that giving my mind time to let loose will only improve my life and it will do the same in yours!
Self-improvement, personal-development or whatever term you choose to use can be a complicated affair. It need not be. Searching in your local library or bookstore the ‘self-help’ section can seem overwhelming. Where do you start? I wrote 3 books on the matter myself. They are filled with great tools and strategies that will improve the life you are now living. If you are interested, feel free to search ‘Neil Panosian’ and pick one up. That being said, there is a simple way to begin to live a more enjoyable and fulfilling life starting right now. You need not purchase a book, seminar or anything else. All it takes is a change in mindset.
As you can see in the photo above, it is more accurately a change of focus. As humans we are programed to focus on what is wrong with our life. That can be helpful. It can also be extremely detrimental. When our focus is exclusively, or even primarily on what is wrong, we can be left feeling heavy and defeated. Life can feel like something we have to ‘make it through’. This is a terrible way to go through life. A simple shift can lighten that load and make our life more enjoyable.
Many people call this change in focus “Looking at the world through rose-colored glasses”. That is but one way to look at it. Changing our primary focus on what continues to go right in our life is not denying that there are things that need work. What it does acknowledge is that in any life, there is still plenty of things to be grateful for. Will this help you fix and improve your life? The answer is a surprising ‘Yes’. Will being grateful that you only have a flat tire and not a more expensive repair fix the tire? No it will not. What it will do, however, is keep you in a better frame of mind. It will make the effort to change the tire, or the time waiting for someone to come and do it that much more enjoyable. To that end, you will treat those who help you with more gratitude and appreciation.
SECRET 2 AN AMAZING LIFE 