This may be an unpopular stance in a social media and ‘like’ driven world, but we really need to work on the relationship we have with ourselves. The world is filled with people who will do just about anything to get out attention. When your focus is on getting attention and approval from others, they become your master.
The paradox of all of this is that when we are most authentically ourselves is when we are most impressive. An original work of art is always more impressive than a copy. You are most valuable when you are being the truest version of you. Why? There cannot be another. You are that original work of art.
People worry, “What if they do not like me for who I really am?” That is a legitimate worry. If you are trying to be something you are notand someone doesn’t like you, at least you can tell yourself, “They never knew the real me. ” If you are brave enough to be the real you and they still do not like you? That hits deeper.
To that we will go back to our art example. Not everyone likes the same art. Does that make it any less of a work of art? No it does not. You might not be someone’s cup of tea, as the saying goes. They might be a coffee drinker and that’s ok. It does not mean you are not an amazing cup of tea.
Before we get lost in analogy, let us answer a very important question. How do we become impressed with ourselves? We do hard things. We keep our word with others and with ourselves. We never stop working to become the best version of ourselves. When we do these things, we will not be hurt if some people don’t like us.
Even those of us who enjoy the gym often have a hard time getting there. I heard a quote once, “The heaviest weight at the gym is the front door. ” Meaning that getting to the gym is the hardest part. I can agree on this point. I love working out. It reduces my stress and provides me energy. After an 8 hour work day, it still takes all the convincing I have to get myself there.
Why, if I know and enjoy all the benefits, do I still have to argue with myself to go? It has a great deal to do with mindset. Looking at the gym as something we have to do instead of something we get to do. So many people who are physically unable to workout would love to trade places with us.
Dick Van Dyke has a great outlook here. It has served him well and can do the same for us. How about you? When you face having to do something you don’t want, what is your attitude about it? Do you have to go to work, or are you grateful for being employed? Do you have to pay your bills or are you grateful you have the funds to do so?
To some this may seem like a small difference, but it will make a big impact on how your life feels and how productive it will be. What is your favorite hack to improve your mindset?
How many of you saw this headline and thought “Oh, Neil is talking to me!”? I am guessing not to many of you. Still, the truth is that it applies to all of us. We may never know all of the lives we have impacted and miracles we have worked. Have you ever seen the movie It’s a Wonderful Life? In the movie, the main character is shown what the world would look like had he never been born. He is then able to see all of the lives he has impacted and miracles he has created. Far be it from me to give advice to the Creator, but it strikes me that this would benefit many more people than it wouldn’t.
I have been blessed (I can think of no other word to use here) to be told that my words have saved the lives of several people. Just one person would have made this all worth while. On the occasion that I get hung up on the frustration of not being able to reach more people, I have this beautiful lady who reminds me of all the lives I have touched. That doesn’t stop me from wanting to reach more, but it does remind me of the impact I have had. The truth is that we all have that impact. It could be treating a retail worker with kindness when they have had a tough day. It could be someone watching us from afar and being inspired by our actions. If you are a parent, you have already worked many miracles.
How would you live your life different if you stopped and realized that you are indeed are a miracle worker? If you were to stop and consider the impact your actions had on the lives of others, would you be more inspired to be kinder and more inspiring? Well here is your wake up call! You are a miracle worker. You have touched more lives than you will ever know. When the world wants to knock you down, go forth with the knowledge that you have lifted others up. Often without ever knowing. You are a miracle worker.
Recently, while writing these posts, I noticed that this site had passed a total of 3000 posts. This is post number 3009. That means, if you were to read a post a day, you would have over 8 years worth of reading. The funny thing about this was this milestone was reached while we were busy celebrating a month of gratitude posts. We were so busy creating content that will help us all live an amazing life that we did not even notice we had reached 3000 posts. This brought up a point that I think would be good to revisit.
In our own life we often take time to criticize others. The people who you do not hear doing this are those who are working hard to make the most of their life. Why? Time spent saying something judgmental or critical about someone else is time that could, and should, be used to better your own life. Next time you are tempted to be critical, ask yourself a few very important questions. Is what I am about to say beneficial to me in any way? Would the time I am about use making this statement be better served working on improving my own life? Is my own life perfect? The answers to these questions should be pretty obvious for most of us.
If you want an amazing life, your focus should be solely on your own life. What can you do to become the best version of yourself? Here is a fact that may seem sobering, but can also be liberating. You will never be the best version of yourself. The more we learn and experience in life, the more that we can grow and develop. In the world of self-improvement there is not a finish line. That means there is opportunity to improve every day. When we spend time being critical of others and the life they are living, we are moving further away from becoming the best version of ourselves. We are sacrificing improving our own life to put another life down. It makes no sense and in counter-productive to becoming the best version of ourselves.
Who would not want a more beautiful world? These days things are getting a little ugly in many places. We can feel helpless to make any real change. Most of us are not leaders of countries. We are not those who make laws. We do not lead religions or are not celebrities who have millions of followers. Considering these facts, how can any of us hope to make changes that can make the world a more beautiful place?
The answer can be found in our own lives. When we think about who made the greatest difference in our life it was not the government or a celebrity. No. It was usually a kind word from a friend. Perhaps an encouraging word from our parents. A supportive and loving word from our partner can change our life. Even random kind acts from strangers have a greater impact in our life.
The point is simple. If you wish for a more beautiful world, then spread kindness and love to all you meet. It is those interactions that change people’s lives.
This, on the surface, may sound a bit material. I take it with the humor it was intended to have. In other words, life is better when you have something to look forward to. It does not have to be packages. If you are buying too many things, you could get yourself in financial trouble and your house could end up looking like an episode of hoarders. Same with vacation. Trust me, I would take a 6 month vacation twice a year if I could. It would make paying the bills a little tricky.
You can manage these. Small gifts to give to others are nice packages to receive. Even consumables that you can afford for yourself. A vacation doesn’t have to be a tropical getaway. It should, in my opinion, but it doesn’t have to. A weekend away with that special someone or a getaway with friends can be just as exciting.
The important part of this message is to always have something to look forward to in your life. Margie and I pick days to read together, watch a movie or maybe go to the movies or a special place for dinner. Many of these do not cost anything but a little time and commitment. The payoff is that we always have something to look forward to and makes getting through the day far easier. How about you? What are you looking forward to in life? Can you plan something fun?
This title sounds like an April fools joke. It is, however, April 2nd. The picture is what I was shown when I inquired where the men’s room was when Margie and I were in Jamaica. This, I also thought was an April Fools joke. Except is was February or March. Which month I wasn’t sure, but I was sure that men’s room was where everyone could see me conducting my business.
What does all of this talk about men’s rooms have to do with self-improvement? It came down to a conversation I had with a friend of Margie and mine. He asked me where I had been. When I informed him I was using the gents, he asked me a question that had never been brought up before. “What urinal did you use?” I stared blankly not sure if this was an opening for a joke. It was not. “The one nobody else was using. ” was my honest answer.
He went on to explain he only used the one in a corner so nobody could sneak up and jump him. I have had a few odd things happen in the men’s room, but I have never been attacked. Never really considered that as an option. This man had obviously had different life experiences than I.
That’s when it occurred to me how different every aspect of life can be based on your previous life experiences. This is not just true of where you conduct your business in the men’s room. It can be whether you see challenges as something to stop you, or as opportunities. Whether you see the glass half empty or half full.
Another important aspect to this is that by listening to other’s experiences, we can change how we view something completely. I still do not look for the safest bathroom, but I can appreciate having that outlook.
It is for this reason it is important to surround ourselves with a variety of different people. Each one brings a unique perspective formulated by their unique life experiences. It is also important to consider whether their unique perspectives can add to your life or detract. How does this relate to your life? Has someone ever completely changed the way you look at an area of life?
Leave it to me to pick a month that has 31 days in it to do a 30 day gratitude journey. It didn’t seem right to end it with only 1 day left in the month. Therefore, we get a bonus day of gratitude.
This picture was taken a little over a year ago. It is crazy to imagine that last year at this time I reached 1000 days in a row of posting a blog. Unknown to me, my lovely lady gathered some close friends around to celebrate. That in itself was amazing. Each person said a little something as Margie recorded a video. That is a memory I will always cherish. In this one event there are a million things I can pick out to be grateful for!
This is blog number 1367. As you can see I made it another year! Still another thing to be grateful for. I hope this month was as powerful and enlightening for you as it was for me. If you missed any of the 30 days, you can go back and read those posts. If you feel the need for a month of gratitude, they will be here anytime you wish to take the journey. Next month we will be back to our regularly scheduled self-improvement content. You are welcome to join us!
My next book will address how to get out of the ‘wake up, pay bills, repeat, die’ cycle. How to get the passion back in your life. As such, I have been speaking to others a great deal on this very subject. Many different opinions as to the cause and the solution of this ailment have been put forth by people of all different cultures, creeds and races. The ironic part about all of this is that many of their answers share a common thread.
Why do we seemingly fall out of love with life? Why do we lose the zest and passion as we get older? More importantly, why do some seem to find it again while others never do? What can we do to get that excited to be alive feeling back into our own life? Asking many people this very question, the main point that came to light is that we do not spend much time pondering it. We often busy ourselves in routines that leave little or no time for contemplation or self-actualization. When was the last time you pondered this question yourself? When have you spent more than a few seconds wondering where all the joy and excitement in your life has disappeared to? What little spare time we have we seem to fill watching meaningless 60 second clips online.
The answer to this dilemma is a little counterintuitive. It can be found in the pictures above. Can you guess what it is? That answer goes by many names. Some call it comfort. Some call it security. It is sticking with the known routine instead of the fear of what could happen from pursuing a life that would be more fulfilling. How many people stay in relationships that are toxic just because they are afraid to be alone? How many people tolerate jobs they hate because they bring a steady paycheck? The answer is far too many. We trade the passion and excitement for perceived comfort and security. I say perceived because life, never mind jobs and relationships, are never a sure thing. Just because a company has been around forever does not mean it will be here tomorrow. In my lifetime, I have seen entire industries that have been here for decades or longer disappear seemingly overnight. I heard the actor Jim Carrey tell a story about his father deciding being an accountant was a safer bet than trying to be a comedian. Then he was fired from his accounting job. I am going to guess that job did not fulfill him either.
I am not advocating giving your boss the one finger salute and walking out the door because they do not give you a 6-month vacation twice a year. What I am telling you is that trading what sets your soul on fire for a preconceived notion of security amounts to spiritual suicide. If that spark in your heart seems faded or gone all together, the time to act is now! What do I mean by act? There are several actions you could take. Start a side hustle that feeds your soul. It could be creating content, bird watching or taking photos. Speaking of taking things, you need to take some risks as well. Nothing that will put you or those you love in danger, but try the things you are afraid of. They might not succeed at first, but you may very well discover the joy you have been missing.
Another thing you can do to recapture your zest for life is to do something that sucks. Again, it may sound counterintuitive but it breeds appreciation for the daily comforts you have taken for granted. There are things we avoid that could improve our lives because they are uncomfortable to do. Perhaps we are putting off writing that book that is inside of us because we just do not have the time. Make no mistake, you have the time. When you are in the middle of doing something that feeds your soul, even if it includes some discomfort, you find the time, the energy and the motivation.
Pushing through discomfort can actually become addicting. Not the act of going through the discomfort itself, but the pride you feel at the end of it. That is the tricky part. We avoid discomfort, but by doing so we also avoid the variety and excitement it brings. The sense of adventure. The pride we feel at the end. The quote above has been attributed to many people and is very true. “Everybody wants to go to heaven; but nobody wants to die.” We want the accomplishments and the feelings that go with them, but we are afraid to give up the comfort we currently have to get them. Instead, we settle for some sort of purgatory where we have a false feeling of security, but we are not truly happy. That is why often those who lose their jobs, relationships or other important things in life and are forced to start over often wind up being happier than they were before. They are forced to deal with that discomfort and have the freedom to pursue what speaks to their soul.
Are you a slave to the comfort in your life? What would happen if the perceived security you thought you had crumbled? What have you been sacrificing in your life for comfort? Is there something in your life that must die for you to get to your heaven? Is that thing the comfort and security you are clinging too? Try stepping outside your comfort zone and see what happens.
No matter what your situation in life, there are always trying time. With the price of everything going up, many of us live paycheck to paycheck. Another post about wealth being a mindset does nothing to pay for the loaf of bread you would want to buy. Keeping this in mind, there is a way to make the journey for a better life a lot more enjoyable and to keep from feeling like you are struggling. Does that make a difference? I believe it does. Having the mental fortitude to press on when it feels as though life is pressing you down makes a big difference.
Even more annoying than wealth being a mindset thing is people talking about feeling grateful when you are struggling. How can you feel grateful when you are working just to survive. I get that. The truth is, that is when gratitude has its biggest payoff. It can be hard to begin a journey of gratitude, but once you do it can change your life. That may sound like hype, but I am here to tell you that I personally know it to be true. Before I share how gratitude changed my life, it is worth mentioning that gratitude, unlike money, increases the more you give it. When you begin to focus on what you have to be grateful for in your life, you will find that you notice more and more things to be grateful for that you might have missed.
Here is my brief story of how gratitude literally changed my life. I was 23 years old when I started my day job. For reference, I am now 50. A lady who was a customer there taught journaling classes. She was trying to convince me on the power of gratitude and keeping a gratitude journal. To prove to her it didn’t work, I agreed to try it for 30 days. Starting something to prove it doesn’t work is the least motivated you can be. I made sure to follow her directions to the letter just so she could not tell me I did it wrong. After a week, I noticed my mood lifted…a little. After two weeks, I found myself noticing things in my life that I had taken for granted. After three weeks, I realized how amazing a lot of the people in my life were, how lucky I was despite my challenges. When the month was over, I found myself encouraging others to keep a journal. That was a far cry from proving it didn’t work. Shortly after the month was over, my car was totaled in an accident that saw me go through the windshield of my car. Less than ideal. The complete story is in my first book, A Happy Life for Busy People.
Just as I was learning this valuable new skill, life chose to test me in the most extreme way. Instead of deterring me, it actually proved the power of gratitude even more. It changed one of the most important conversations I had in my life. One that I had been ignoring for far too long, but one that had the biggest impact on my life. That will be a story for tomorrow’s post.
SECRET 2 AN AMAZING LIFE 