The above photos were taken at the exact same time, from the exact same location. If you looked to the west, the sky was black and the moon was full. If you turned 180°, in the east, the sun was visible just peaking over the horizon. Complete night and complete daytime.
It had me thinking of how similar this is to life. At the very same moment, our life can feel like complete darkness or it can feel like hope is just coming over the horizon. It can feel this way depending on which way we direct our focus. When we look at everything we lack, everything that is wrong, our life can seem bleak, dark and hopeless. Turn our mind 180° and focus on all we have to be grateful for, hope seems to rise just like a sunrise. Same life, all that changed was our focus.
We have covered this subject before, but it is worth repeating. Everyone you meet is facing some battles. Could be physical health. It could be mental health. My they are dealing with heartache? We just never know. Many people are great at hiding their pain. Especially those who have been carrying their pain with them awhile.
Think of the trials and tribulations you carry on a regular basis. It could be personal, or maybe even worried about someone you love. So the next time someone cuts you off in traffic or maybe runs into you with their shopping cart, know that they could be lost in anguish we know nothing about. Have compassion. Give the grace you would like someone to give to you.
One of the craziest things that I hear is when people tell me that they always expect the worst so they will never be disappointed. They somehow think this protects them against a level of hurt. It actually does the opposite. How do you think it feels to go through life constantly expecting it to go to hell. Not very good. In addition, it shows how little these well-intentioned folks know about how life works. Even putting aside the law of attraction, let us look at the scientific basis as to why this is not your best is not your best course of action.
The brain has something called the ‘reticular activating system’. In simpler terms, think of it as a filter. It tells your conscious mind what is important to notice. We are exposed to millions of bits of information every second. What sounds are around us, how our clothing feels against our skin, how our neighbor smells or how we smell. Plus a million other things. If we tried to focus on them all, we would go crazy in a short period of time. Therefore, there is this miraclous part of our brain that picks and chooses what is important. The easy example I use for this is when you buy a certain kind of car, or are even thinking of buying a certain kind of car. Suddenly, you see that car everywhere! Did the world suddenly make more of the very car you had purchased or were thinking of purchasing? The answer is both yes and no. No obviously the actual quantity of these cars had not increased. It is just that they became more important to you so then you were more likely to notice each one. Yes, because by noticing each one of these cars, in essence, that increased the amount of them in your reality.
What does seeing more of a car have to do with the secrets to an amazing life? Plenty. The reticular activating system uses the same methods for lots of things in our life. If your brain is filled with dread and expectation for the worst senerio, guess what you are actually increasing the likelihood of experiencing in your reality? Much like our car example, challenges may not even increase in reality, but they will increase in how they appear in your reality. Just like the world didn’t make more cars, but suddenly you are seeing them everywhere. There isn’t more doom and gloom in the world, you are just noticing more.
You also steal the feeling of positive expectation. Many of these people will tell that having a positive expectation will make you feel more hurt if the thing does not happen. Is that true? Perhaps marginally. If you consider the amount of time we spend on the journey verses the destination, you will begin to see the power in changing the way you travel, or go through life. Most of our life is a journey. If yours is a journey of always expecting the worst to happen, it will be a very somber and unhappy journey. If you life a life of positive expectation, you will live a life filled with optimism and excitement. Even if there is the occasion let down when something doesn’t go quite as you hoped. Then again, if you live a life of positive expectation, you would just assume this detour would be setting you up for a bigger win later on.
You are going to have ups and downs in life no matter what. How you feel between them is based on what attitude you carry with you. That is why Einstein said the most important question is whether we live in a friendly universe. Why? Our answer to that question determines how we will experience this life we are given. As Henry Ford said, “Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t, you are right. ”
This should be no secret. The life you seek is hidden in the discipline you avoid. We spend so much time dreaming of the life we are hoping to achieve. If we dedicated only a fraction of that time to consistent action, we would be so much closer to achieving that life. We trade long-term achievement for short-term comfort. Where is the body you want? It is in the discipline of meal prepping and saying no to the free doughnuts in the break broom. Where is the great cardiovascular system and strong body you desire? It is in the discipline of going to the gym. The bank account that allows you to sleep peaceful at night? It is in the discipline of saving and forgoing spending on foolish pleasures. How about the blissful family? It is in the discipline of having the hard conversations and working on the communication to prevent further stress.
Each one of these seems like common sense. If we know all of this, how come we do not have health, wealth and happiness? It is because many of us lack the discipline. That is not entirely our fault. When you hear the word discipline, what comes to your mind? Usually, it is either punishment or long laborious hours of hard work. While the second may be part of it, discipline is not punishment. In fact, I would argue that discipline is the key to unlock many of the secrets of success.
In a world where we are looking for ‘hacks’ and ‘quick fixes’, discipline seems like an old-fashioned idea. Attention spans have shortened and that is why so many of us find ourselves struggling. Discipline is the answer to so many of our challenges. If you go to the gym, work out one time, you will notice nothing. If you go for a week, you may only notice some sore and rebellious muscles. Go for 6 months straight and you will begin to see the power of discipline. How many people do you know that start working on improving some aspect of their life, quick a short time later and say it does not work? How about the people who start, maintain it for a short time, quit and then start again. On a constant loop. Not only do they not achieve success, they weaken both their discipline as well as their self-confidence with each failed attempt. If only they had stuck with it, they would have found the life they seek.
Not only is the title of this blog the same as one of my favorite songs by the band Aerosmith, but that song happened to be inspired from a line in one of my favorite movies (Young Frankenstein). This blog has nothing to do with Steven Tyler or Mel Brooks however. Instead, it is a change in both mindset as well as the way we carry ourselves.
I imagine many of you who read the words in the photo above dismissed it as some ‘new-age nonsense’. In order to prove to you that there is scientific, as well as personal, proof behind this, allow me to ask you a question. This question I learned from a Tony Robbins talk. It opened up such an interesting paradigm shift, it became an entire section in my second book, Living the Dream. The question is this, “For a million dollars, if I asked you to describe a depressed person sitting behind a closed door, could you do it?” Would their posture be erect or would they be slumped over? Would their eyes be bright and looking up or would they be staring at the floor? Would their movements be energetic or slow and plodding?
How did you know all of those facts about a depressed person that you have never seen? Have you ever been depressed? Chances are your physical stature was much the same. That is because our physical presence can affect our emotions. That is why walking the way that is suggested in the photo above makes so much sense. If we walk around with our head down, dragging our feet and with no enthusiasm, how do you think we will feel? How many people do you know that this is their default state? Have you ever stop to think about this?
Yes, walking around like you have just heard the best news of your life, picturing everything working in your favor may get you some curious looks. That is fine. People can be uncomfortable with something that is different. After a while, do you know what starts to happen? People begin to gravitate towards you. Who would not want to be around someone who carries themselves that way? To, of course, the obvious way this will affect your mood. Life really is about how we feel. If there exists ways in which we can positively affect that, why not make use of them? Here is what happens when your mood is elevated. Your immune system functions better. Your mind is more open to opportunity. When stress comes your way, you will be in far better position to handle it than if you were already depressed when it arrived.
If you would like a more in-depth description of how this works, along with more tools and strategies to improve your life, please check out my book, Living the Dream by Neil Panosian. Available wherever fine books are sold.
Here is a modern-day problem. With all of the stimulation that we receive, it can be hard to discipline our minds. We can be pulled in a million different directions all at once. We are trying to keep up with our work, our friends in person and on social media, the family and the pile of laundry that seems to grow by the day. We want to get healthier, wealthier and more inner peace. Why does none of this seem to happen?
The answer is in the photo above. We are trying to accomplish too many things all at once. There is an old cliche that asks what happens if you hit a tree with an ax 1000 times in 1000 different places? Not much. What happens if you hit that same tree 1000 times in the same place? You cut the tree down. The same goes for your life. When I was growing up, we were sold the lie of multi-tasking. You are far better off giving your all to one thing at a time and moving on to the next to do the same thing. You will get more accomplished that half-assing a million things all at once. You will do a better job and it will get done quicker if you take them one at a time.
Not to mention, if we try to take everything on all at once, we will become overwhelmed and get nothing done. Then we will look at our lack of accomplishment and come to the conclusion we are just lazy. No. We are just unfocused.
How many of us have heard the saying “Don’t know what you got until it’s gone?” Also happens to be a great rock song from the 80s, but I digress. It really can bring us done to think of everything we might have lost, but a slight change in mindset can turn everything around.
There are many things we fail to appreciate until they are gone. Like a job that is barely tolerated until it is lost, and the income that goes with it. The car we complain about until it dies and we are forced to take the bus.
Loss sucks. There is no way getting around that. Using it to foster a greater sense of appreciation, and gratitude, could make it suck a little less.
So much talk in the self-improvement circles about finding your passion, or finding your ‘why’. I couldn’t agree more that finding, or more importantly, deciding on your life purpose makes life not only more productive but easier. You always know if you’re going in the right direction and if the action you are about to take will serve you well or not.
The question that always comes up is, “What should I do until I decide what the purpose of my life should be?” The answer is in the photo above. Until you know what you should be working on, work on yourself.
Working in yourself should be a life-long journey. We are always learning and growing. The better you become, the better and less stressful your life becomes. Today, if you find yourself not knowing what to do, ask yourself what can you do to move closer to the best version of yourself.
Although this is directed at men, it can hold true for both genders. Children are far more likely to learn from our example than the words that we tell them. We set an example as to how a relationship should be between two people. Even if your children are grown, watching their parents and how they treat each other is a great influence on their behavior with their partner. If you normalize things like demeaning sarcasm, violent outbursts, name calling or a host of any other emotionally unhealthy behavior, they may think that is just ‘part of the relationship’.
That is why it is so hard to hear people say “We are staying together for the children.” If you truly are, then give them a great example to emulate. If you cannot, the only thing staying together will teach them is that they should sacrifice their emotional well-being to remain in a marriage. If you feel you must stay together for your children, never stop working on your relationship. If you both feel it is genuinely beyond repair, it would be better for the children to show them how a healthy separation would look. That two people can discover they are not right for each other and still be respectful.
Remember, your children will grow to adults and what they saw growing up will go a long way in to deciding what is acceptable in a relationship. Disagree in private. Praise each other in public. Work on healthy communication skills. The healthier your relationship is, the more you are setting your children up for success in their relationships. They may not say anything and you may not think they are watching but they are. Would you want your children to emulate your relationship? If the answer is ‘no’, what are you going to do to improve it?
It sure is great if your spouse is happy. If the boss is in a good mood that doesn’t hurt. If the weather is pleasant and traffic flows well that sure makes for a great day! When the people we encounter everywhere and the service we receive all come with a smile.
Let me ask you another question. What are the odds that all of those things will happen in the same day? How many days do you think they can all remain true? The odds do not seem stacked in our favor. If your happiness depends on all, or any, of these holding true, you are likely to find yourself a little short on happy days.
The ironic thing is people spend most of their energy trying to control, it worse complaining about, things beyond their control. What good does that do? It leaves us feeling both exhausted and frustrated. That also does not put a smile on our face.
Instead, we should focus on developing inner processes that bring us joy. Developing an attitude of gratitude would be a great start. Look around you for all of the things in your life that are going great. That does not mean being blind to the challenges. It means realizing even in the darkest of times we have plenty of things going right!
Ask yourself today, does your happiness depend on outside circumstances? If so, today would be a great day to take back control of your emotions. Let me know what makes a happy day for you!
