Tag: self improvement

A FRIEND YOU HAVEN’T MET YET

Here is a question to ask yourself, “What are you grateful for that a stranger did for you today?” It may seem like an odd question, but give it some thought. Strangers are out there working to pave the roads for us. Strangers help us by checking out our groceries at the store and stocking the shelves. On a more personal level, a stranger may have held the door for you. Someone you don’t know may have smiled and even said “Good morning.” There are a million different things that strangers do for us every day. I am grateful for the people who are all involved in bringing this post to you. When I stop and think about it, that is a lot of people. The people involved in making my laptop. The people involved in my car that allowed me to drive to the coffee shop. Everyone at WordPress who hosts this site. The people here at the coffee shop. The ones who made the furniture I am sitting on.

As you can see, once you start pondering this, the list could truly be endless. So many people help us daily, many of whom we do not know, that our life would be near impossible without them. It is easy to complain about strangers. Asking why that person ahead of you in the brand new car does not know how to use a turn signal. Why was that person so unfriendly to you at the store? This is easy and if we do that we can quickly develop an attitude that all of humanity is bad. How do we save ourselves from developing this attitude? By focusing on what we have to be grateful for. Even the person who does not know that they have a magical lever that lets other drivers know they will be making a sudden deviation in their journey is giving us something to be grateful for. They are reminding us to use our turn signal. They are helping us practice our emotional control. They are giving us an example as to why drivers education is such an important class.

  Finding what we can be grateful for in others, namely complete strangers does not only help them, but it helps us as well. How is that? It gives us a positive attitude towards those we share our planet with. What difference does that make? Ask yourself which life is better, one where you are constantly finding reasons to be unhappy with the people around you? Being angry is not only bad for you emotionally, it will also compromise your mental and physical health as well. Studies show that prolonged anger can impair your cognitive function as well as your mental well-being and social relationships. That means you will be stupid, sad and without very many friends. Throw in cardiovascular issues and you may not have to live that angry life for long.

What happens when you continue to have an attitude of gratitude? Prolonged gratitude has been shown to reduce stress hormones such as cortisol. This helps improve sleep, immune health and heart health. It also helps neuroplasticity in the brain. That is the brain’s ability to adapt and change or learn. What this means is you will be happier, smarter and healthier. You will probably stick around for a lot longer as well. Which of these sounds like a better life to you?

A better opinion on the people you share life with will help you in so many ways. Developing that attitude can start with the simple act of finding ways to be grateful for strangers. We have discovered whether your interaction with someone is positive or negative, they are still giving you something to be grateful for. So ask yourself now, “What did a stranger do for me that I can be grateful for today?” Start with something positive, but remember even the negative can give us something to be grateful for. Do this long enough and you will develop a grateful attitude and receive all of the benefits that come with it.

THE #1 REASON TO NOT MARRY SOMEONE

Today’s article was inspired by a server who shared a little bit more than expected with Margie and I at breakfast the other day. Let me tell you there are no shortage of red flags when it comes to relationships. Addiction, abuse and many other issues should tell you that this might not be the person you should pursue a long-term connection with. We are not talking about what should prevent you from getting into a relationship, or even what should tell you to leave a relationship. We are solely talking about what you should not do when deciding whether or not to pledge your life to someone. If you do this, it will be a guarantee for failure.

There are many reasons not to marry for. You should not marry for money. You should not marry for position. You should not marry someone just to make your parents happy, or anyone else for that matter. Those should be fairly obvious. The #1 reason you should not marry someone is for potential. Countless people get into relationships decidedly unhappy with a certain aspect of their partner. They either believe they will ‘grow out of it’ or worse that ‘they can change them’. If you base your connection on your ability to change anyone but yourself, you are doomed to failure. All meaningful and lasting change comes from within. If you are forced to change because of someone else, you are unhappy at best and resentful at worse. Yes, they could also grow, evolve and correct whatever it is that does not please you. Then again, they could not. Then what? Will you live your life fighting about this same issue?

This is not to say that people cannot change and grow. If you are reading a site like this, I would assume that is the path you are pursuing. Growth, is not only nonlinear, it is also not guaranteed. Even with the best of intentions, growth may not happen. Therefore, you should find someone you love for who they are at their core. If they grow, even better. If you grow together that is even better yet. What should not happen is to base your relationship on the expectation of growth.

THE SECRET TO A GREAT RELATIONSHIP? TACOS AND BEET ROOT POWDER OF COURSE!

These two may seem like an odd combination, and indeed they are. I do not know of anyone who put beet root powder on their taco. Here is another question. Which one is sweeter? If you know even a little bit about food your answer would be the beets. In fact, beets can even be used to make sugar. The most important question we can ask is “How are these two items the secret to a great relationship?

Before you go out and stock up on bottles of beet root powder (the one in the picture is my personal favorite) or get all your fixings for tacos, may I suggest you read a little further. Here is a confession. These two items by themselves are not the secret. It is what they represent. To better explain, let me share a personal story of the last few days. My lovely lady underwent a medical emergency last week. It was a good reminder that health is the ultimate treasure. It is with a great deal of gratitude I can tell you she is doing well. It did remind both of us to pay a little better attention to our health.

The following day, I was out running errands with my mother and my lady cooked the most delicious and rather healthy meal. She made us lettuce wrap tacos with ground turkey. They were beyond delicious. Not only is she beautiful, loving and a great cook, but she was kind enough to make us both a healthy dinner even after her health scare. I was so grateful and let her know how much I appreciated her efforts. More importantly, I sat with that feeling for a little bit. Just looking at the beautiful woman I share my life with and thinking how grateful I was for this loving and kind act of making this dinner.

This morning, she was making her return to the gym. I knew she would be a little nervous, maybe even scared, and wanted to do anything to help that I could. She drinks a combination of a pre-workout with beet root powder before every workout. If you haven’t tried beet root, it has been shown to increase your aerobic capacity. Do your own research and talk to your doctor, but it works for us. When she woke up to discover that she no longer had to put this concoction together, and there was a cold one waiting in the refrigerator for her, she was grateful and told me so. It made me happy to know she appreciated my efforts, but even more that it made her day a little better.

Here is the important thing to note about all of this. We have been together for many years and still enjoy doing things like this for each other. Not to ‘pay the person back’ or to ‘score some points’. No, we do it because we genuinely love and care about each other. Both the act and the appreciation are what keep our love going and growing. How about you? When was the last time you did an act just out of love? When was the last time you not only expressed your appreciation to your partner, but sat down and felt it?

LET US POSTPONE NOTHING!

There is a cliche that says, “If you live each day like your last, one day you’ll be right.” That is uncomfortably true. As we have discussed numerous times on this site, the funny thing about death is that it seldom calls ahead. Even if you know you the end is near, you are often in a comprised state unable to fulfill all of your desires.

Keeping this in mind, it would be wise for us to start living this way today. There are things that take energy, vitality and time that we should begin today. If you wait until the grim reaper sends you a telegram, it can often be too late.

An added bonus to living this lifestyle is that it brings peace of mind. When you are living life to the fullest, and know it, it is far easier to lay your head on the pillow at night. How about you? Are you living life to the fullest? Are you going to face your end with peace or with regret?

BEAUTY IN THE NEAR DARKNESS

Most of you know I leave for work at 4am. On Monday this follows a night of being a DJ that has me home around 1am. That’s a tough turnaround. I have a fairly long commute. Going on 2 hours of sleep it can be difficult to maintain a grateful and positive attitude on occasion.

There are, however, many things that are a beautiful observation should I pay attention. The sun just beginning to rise this time of year created the amazing image above. That one you can’t help but notice. There are a few that are a little more subtle, but just as heartwarming.

About halfway to work I drive down a more secluded and quiet street. I enjoy the lack of stoplights, and the wildlife. One other thing I at every morning is an elderly couple going for their morning walk. They hold hands and look so loving. I hope to be doing the same with my lovely lady when we reach their age.

The point is, even with 2 hours of sleep heading in to a 9 hour workday, there are still plenty of things to make me smile. The only requirement is to be on the lookout for them. How about you? What are some of the things you are grateful for every morning?

THE WEEK AHEAD

The quote here applies to all genders. As we are in the middle of another work week, keep this in mind. Plenty of people and circumstances will test your patience and resolve. True strength is being able to remain calm in the middle of chaos.

Why is remaining calm so important? When we react with emotions, we seldom make good decisions both in our words and actions. This tends to make our situation even worse. When we act from a calm state of mind, we speak and act with a better state of mind. This may help us out of chaos. At the very least, it will not take us further in it.

Remaining calm in the middle of chaos is not easy, but it is worth it.

THE MOST IMPORTANT PERSON TO IMPRESS

This may be an unpopular stance in a social media and ‘like’ driven world, but we really need to work on the relationship we have with ourselves. The world is filled with people who will do just about anything to get out attention. When your focus is on getting attention and approval from others, they become your master.

The paradox of all of this is that when we are most authentically ourselves is when we are most impressive. An original work of art is always more impressive than a copy. You are most valuable when you are being the truest version of you. Why? There cannot be another. You are that original work of art.

People worry, “What if they do not like me for who I really am?” That is a legitimate worry. If you are trying to be something you are not and someone doesn’t like you, at least you can tell yourself, “They never knew the real me. ” If you are brave enough to be the real you and they still do not like you? That hits deeper.

To that we will go back to our art example. Not everyone likes the same art. Does that make it any less of a work of art? No it does not. You might not be someone’s cup of tea, as the saying goes. They might be a coffee drinker and that’s ok. It does not mean you are not an amazing cup of tea.

Before we get lost in analogy, let us answer a very important question. How do we become impressed with ourselves? We do hard things. We keep our word with others and with ourselves. We never stop working to become the best version of ourselves. When we do these things, we will not be hurt if some people don’t like us.

MINDSET MAKES IT EASIER!

Even those of us who enjoy the gym often have a hard time getting there. I heard a quote once, “The heaviest weight at the gym is the front door. ” Meaning that getting to the gym is the hardest part. I can agree on this point. I love working out. It reduces my stress and provides me energy. After an 8 hour work day, it still takes all the convincing I have to get myself there.

Why, if I know and enjoy all the benefits, do I still have to argue with myself to go? It has a great deal to do with mindset. Looking at the gym as something we have to do instead of something we get to do. So many people who are physically unable to workout would love to trade places with us.

Dick Van Dyke has a great outlook here. It has served him well and can do the same for us. How about you? When you face having to do something you don’t want, what is your attitude about it? Do you have to go to work, or are you grateful for being employed? Do you have to pay your bills or are you grateful you have the funds to do so?

To some this may seem like a small difference, but it will make a big impact on how your life feels and how productive it will be. What is your favorite hack to improve your mindset?

HEY YOU, MIRACLE WORKER!

How many of you saw this headline and thought “Oh, Neil is talking to me!”? I am guessing not to many of you. Still, the truth is that it applies to all of us. We may never know all of the lives we have impacted and miracles we have worked. Have you ever seen the movie It’s a Wonderful Life? In the movie, the main character is shown what the world would look like had he never been born. He is then able to see all of the lives he has impacted and miracles he has created. Far be it from me to give advice to the Creator, but it strikes me that this would benefit many more people than it wouldn’t.

I have been blessed (I can think of no other word to use here) to be told that my words have saved the lives of several people. Just one person would have made this all worth while. On the occasion that I get hung up on the frustration of not being able to reach more people, I have this beautiful lady who reminds me of all the lives I have touched. That doesn’t stop me from wanting to reach more, but it does remind me of the impact I have had. The truth is that we all have that impact. It could be treating a retail worker with kindness when they have had a tough day. It could be someone watching us from afar and being inspired by our actions. If you are a parent, you have already worked many miracles.

How would you live your life different if you stopped and realized that you are indeed are a miracle worker? If you were to stop and consider the impact your actions had on the lives of others, would you be more inspired to be kinder and more inspiring? Well here is your wake up call! You are a miracle worker. You have touched more lives than you will ever know. When the world wants to knock you down, go forth with the knowledge that you have lifted others up. Often without ever knowing. You are a miracle worker.

I DIDN’T EVEN KNOW…

Recently, while writing these posts, I noticed that this site had passed a total of 3000 posts. This is post number 3009. That means, if you were to read a post a day, you would have over 8 years worth of reading. The funny thing about this was this milestone was reached while we were busy celebrating a month of gratitude posts. We were so busy creating content that will help us all live an amazing life that we did not even notice we had reached 3000 posts. This brought up a point that I think would be good to revisit.

In our own life we often take time to criticize others. The people who you do not hear doing this are those who are working hard to make the most of their life. Why? Time spent saying something judgmental or critical about someone else is time that could, and should, be used to better your own life. Next time you are tempted to be critical, ask yourself a few very important questions. Is what I am about to say beneficial to me in any way? Would the time I am about use making this statement be better served working on improving my own life? Is my own life perfect? The answers to these questions should be pretty obvious for most of us.

If you want an amazing life, your focus should be solely on your own life. What can you do to become the best version of yourself? Here is a fact that may seem sobering, but can also be liberating. You will never be the best version of yourself. The more we learn and experience in life, the more that we can grow and develop. In the world of self-improvement there is not a finish line. That means there is opportunity to improve every day. When we spend time being critical of others and the life they are living, we are moving further away from becoming the best version of ourselves. We are sacrificing improving our own life to put another life down. It makes no sense and in counter-productive to becoming the best version of ourselves.