One of the troubling aspects coming to light lately is toxic masculinity. That is where men are convinced some hyper testosterone nonsense about what a man really is. Sadly, this often leads to over aggressive behavior, emotional suppression and the mistreatment and devaluing of women. I am a fan of old-fashioned gentlemanly behavior. I open the door for my lady. Not because I think she is not capable, but because it is a sign of respect for her. A real man does not need to devalue women, or even other man. In fact, being helpful and showing respect to others is exactly what makes a man.
Out of all of this college frat boy way of defining what a man really should be, a new problem has been created. We will refer to it as misguided femininity. This idea that men have no emotional or mental health needs. That they can just ‘suck it up’ or ‘rub a little dirt on it’ and everything will be ok. Sadly, men are not often taught the correct way to express their emotions. Their communication skills often lack refinement. That does not mean men do not also have emotional needs. Leaving them unfulfilled can lead to a feeling of resentment and a lack of connection. As mentioned earlier, men are not really good at communicating these emotional needs. Often, they have difficult articulating them even in their own heads.
One of the areas in which this manifests most often is intimacy. There are thousands of advice columns telling men to ‘keep dating their wives’. They will tell them how important it is to make their wives feel attractive and desired. I could not agree with this more. If you never stop falling in love with your partner, you will never lose them. We have this great piece of advice because women are kind enough, and emotionally mature enough to be able to express how important this is to them. We can trace this back generations to the fact that women were told it was ok to get in touch with their inner emotions. It was ok to express these and to ask for what you feel you need. Men were told that was unmanly and to keep it inside.
As humans, these are needs we share. Connection, value and significance. That last one is huge. Granted this looks different for both men and women. It can vary even between individuals. What is true is that we all need that for the relationship to be healthy. Ladies, if you want your relationship to the next level, watch what happens when you make your man feel chosen, attractive and wanted. Remember, this looks different for men than women. How do you think you can make your husband feel the things mentioned in the photo above? How important do you think it is?
This should go without saying, but this same holds true for your male friends as well. As men work to develop better emotional communication, and thankfully that seems to be trending correctly, make sure we are helping them to address their mental health and emotional needs.
