Have you ever had a moment in your life that made you feel a certain way at the time, but upon reflection, has taught you lessons you missed completely? If we spend a moment pondering that question, I am sure we all have. Allow me to share a humorous story from my own life that was both humbling and embarrassing at the time, but has since taught me some very valuable lessons.
This happened early in my life. I was working in a shopping mall at of all places a hair salon. Back then malls where busy places. It was both a place to shop and a social gathering place. This was before there were as many online communities in which to gather. If you wanted to meet and converse with people you had to do so in person. It was also a place to show off your fashion, have a first date and enjoy a day with friends. It was exciting to be a part of it.
Wherever there are large groups of people, there are usually large messes. Someone has to clean that mess up. In the mall I worked at it was a young man named Oscar. He was an immigrant from some Central American country I honestly cannot remember. Oscar was short and his English was not the best. His job was menial, but very important. People did not stop and consider what would happen if nobody were there to clean up after them. People either ignored Oscar as if they did not even see him at all. Worse yet, some made fun of him or treated him like an indentured servant. Crazy thing was Oscar was friendly to everyone. Even those who treated him unfairly harsh. I admired this about him and told him as much. Before long, he and I had a casual friendship. He enjoyed having someone who respected and listened to him. I enjoyed having someone who managed to see the sunshine in the cloudiest of circumstances.
One day my friendship with Oscar would come back to haunt me. I had forgotten my lunch and ate food in the mall food court. Moments later, my stomach had let me know that I would have been better off going hungry. I rushed to the public men’s room with not a moment to spare. The one stall that had all of the items necessary to do the business I needed to conduct had one outstanding feature. When you closed the door, there was about a 2 inch gap between the door and the side of the stall. Being that it was a busy day at the mall, this was quite a predicament. Unfortunately, mother nature does not afford you many options in this situation. As I sat contemplating the unsavory ingredients that could have been used in my lunch, I could see through the gap in the door my friend Oscar walk in. He was there to clean the restroom. With the greatest of regret, I discovered he saw me through the same gap, although my position was a far more humbling one. He immediately began to talk to me through this gap, all while keeping eye contact. “Mr. Neil, how are you today?” After much back and fourth, I was able to convince Oscar it would be best that we continued our conversation at a later time and in a different locale.
I know Oscar was trying to be friendly. He didn’t have many friends and perhaps it was a cultural difference of not understanding the need for privacy. After this humbling interaction I noticed Oscar was never quite as friendly. Perhaps, considering my position, I was a little too direct in letting him know I did not want to talk. Maybe he felt bad when he realized I was embarrassed talking through a men’s room stall. In retrospect, it was a good lesson for us both in respecting boundaries. I am sure, in an attempt to help, or just be a friend, I have overstepped someone’s boundaries. There have been times that I have felt hurt when someone was rather direct in letting me know they did not want my association, even if just for the moment.
When I think back to that moment in the mall men’s room, I remember how there were two different people, in two different positions that both ended up feeling uncomfortable. It taught me, and still teaches me, that I need to recognize when some people just need their space. It also reminds me not to take it too personally when people are direct about communicating their need, or desire, to have that space. It has become something I have learned to appreciate. How about you? Have you had one of those experiences?
SECRET 2 AN AMAZING LIFE 