One of my best skills, and the one I am asked about most often, is the ability to develop rapport with others. For years I recommended reading How to Win Friends and Influence People. That is my favorite book and I have read no less than 10 times. It has some great clues, but did not give the full picture.
Dale Carnegie was not the relationship master I had solely drawn from. The other was notorious for not having good relationships. Clues were exactly what lead to this revelation while I was in the shower moments ago. It seems that is where all of our good thinking happens.
One of my favorite movies of my youth was Young Sherlock Holmes. It gives the childhood back story of one of the world’s greatest detectives. That, my friends, is exactly what creating rapport and fostering great relationships takes! You must become a great detective.
In Sherlock Holmes stories and movies, he always tells you the observations and assertions he uses to solve a case. People are one big detective case in themselves. The more we observe to learn, the better our chances of a great interaction with them will be.
This can be noticing small details such as what their clothes can tell you. Are they using their right or left hand predominantly? What turn of phrase do they seem to use often? They may not give us all of the answers, but can give us clues to explore.
We could spend hours breaking this down, but instead I encourage you to try it out today. Give yourself two distinct challenges. First, pick a person you do not know that well. It could be a person you run into in a service capacity, a coworker or anyone else. Make as many observations on them as you can. Take mental notes and see what they can tell you by putting them all together. Tougher still, try doing this with someone you already know. See what things you can learn that you don’t already know. The better you know them, the tougher the case, but the bigger the rewards!
Treating relationships as cases to be solved may sound rather crude, but it can lead to an astounding deepening of connection. It may also surprise you with how many things you miss. Clues that can make cheering them up, buying the perfect gift and growing closer to them easier than you could ever imagine.
SECRET 2 AN AMAZING LIFE 