On the surface, this seems like a no brainer. Yet, how easy is this to understand in the heat of the moment? When a customer is screaming at us for giving them the wrong flavor coffee. When are coworker snaps at us for no particular reason. When our spouse seems to be angry with every little thing we do. It is very difficult to pause and ask ourselves, “What are they hurting from?” It is true that only hurt people, hurt people. Considering this, anyone who hurts us is probably struggling with something themselves.
The first step would be to honestly ask ourselves if we had played any role in why they might be currently treating us harshly. If so, we should apologize and follow that with some sort of corrective action. If not, consider that they may be hurting inside and for some reason be emotionally ignorant on how to constructively express themselves. This certainly does not excuse their behavior, but it may help us approach it with a little more compassion.
Why should we even care that they are struggling, when they may be doing their best to put us in the same state? Understanding this will allow us to take their actions a lot less personally. This means we will feel less stressed and hurt. This can only be a good thing for us.
Another time to remember that we all struggle is when we are tempted to treat someone harshly. The classic example of someone cutting us off in traffic comes to mind. They may have been distracted, lost or just a jerk. What they also be is dealing with the loss of a loved one, a serious negative medical diagnosis, or a million other versions of suffering. Our negative reaction to their seemingly careless action could be the one to put them over the edge. I can’t count the times I have been lost in emotion and may not have been paying close enough attention to whatever it is I am doing. Someone acting harshly towards me at that moment would probably be the least helpful thing that could happen.
One of the best examples I can recall comes from the author, Stephen Covey. He was on a subway, and there was a father who seemed to be letting his children run wild without a care in the world. Finally, unable to take it anymore, Stephen said to the man, “Don’t you think you should do something about your children?” At this moment, I am sure he was feeling frustrated, angry, and perhaps some other unpleasant emotions. We would think rightfully so. The man looked at him with a hollow expression and replied, “You are right. Their mother just passed away, and they are not really sure how to act. In fact, neither am I.” What do you think Stephen felt then? The point is, none of us know what pains someone may be suffering. Be kind. It is always the right decision. Click the link below to check out my podcast, or just search “Living the Dream with Neil Panosian” on your favorite streaming platforms.
SECRET 2 AN AMAZING LIFE 