REGAIN THE MAGIC IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP🎩🌹

The old cliche says that “Youth is wasted on the young.” I think all stages of life have their place and their wisdom you can only gain at that time. Almost nowhere do I believe this is more true than in the area of love. We all remember early crushes and all those crazy days in our teenage years. Hormones barely allowed us to understand ourselves, much less have a healthy constructive relationship with another person experiencing the same thing. They sure could be intense though! Like a fire that burns so hot it eventually consumes itself. Intense? Yes, but often fleeting. It is easy for teenagers to spend equal amounts of time in both heartache and falling in love.

The secret to lasting love, I have been told, is to create a slow-burning fire. Warm embers, if you will. It may not have the extreme passion of the relationships of youth, but it will keep you warm and you will not get burned. I respectfully disagree. While being warm has its advantages, as I write this it is around freezing where I live, sometimes you just want to be hot. True? What is my plan? How can a relationship burn hot but not end up consuming itself? I say, buy a fire-proof suit and find yourself a bunch of kindling. Let us look at both of those shall we?

Getting a fire-proof suit is something we don’t think, or know, about when we are young and first experiencing love. It is an investment many of us never choose to make, despite the lessons love will teach us. A fire-proof suit is protection from the fiery flames of passion. You may be thinking “I don’t need protection from passion!” You may even being wishing there was a little bit more of it in your relationship. We will get to that next. What we must understand is, much like fire, passion can give our relationship life, or burn it to a crisp. When there is a lot of passion in a relationship, everything becomes more intense. That means in addition to levels of romance and sensuality, negative emotions can be just as intense. It is this experience that can cause the end of the “Honeymoon period” of relationships and why that is even a thing.

After getting burned by the flames once too often, many couples decide if things were a little less intense, it may not be a bad thing. While this seems to work great for arguments and hurt feelings, it creates collateral damage. Passion is generally an all or nothing affair. You cannot take it out of disagreements without it affecting the romance and sensuality. That is why you will not see many older couples in heated arguments, but you also won’t see them displaying intense forms of public affection either. They have sacrificed passion for longevity. It is a bittersweet proposition indeed.

They lowered the flames because they did not want to get burned. What they should have done is invest in a fire-proof suit. What on earth do we mean by a fire-proof suit? Investing in tools that help you channel the passion you will experience into a healthy and growing manner. It is literally the difference between starting a fire in the fireplace, or starting your house on fire. Both will warm you up, but one will leave you hurt and homeless. Is that what you want for your relationship? I have listed 3 amazing books that can help you in that regard. The first was a recommendation from one of the readers of this very site. Eduardo in Italy brought this book to my attention. It is currently on the way from Amazon. Creating miracles in the communication of your relationship? That would be helpful. The other 2 are favorites of mine. The 5 Love Languages helps you understand the way you, and your partner, both give and receive love. Do you think that might be just a little helpful? I have learned more from this book than almost any other. I say that because the other book, How to Win Friends and Influence People, is my favorite book of all time. I have read it more than ten times. It gives you tools and strategies to effectively communicate your emotions and feelings. Fellas, this could save your relationship.

The second part is to find more kindling to keep the flames burning. This is a challenge that grows more difficult as the years go by. It should be a fun challenge, however. Kindling is anything that increases or just adds a dose of passion to your relationship. This can be trying new things intimately. It can be discovering new ways to make your partner feel intense love. It can involve things that strengthen your connection. Perhaps showing your partner the beauty, sexiness or pride that you feel towards them in new and exciting ways. In some ways, this becomes more difficult the longer you have been together. You have done and tried so many things, how can anything be new and exciting?

Much like trying to burn the same piece of wood over and over again, doing the same things over and over again in the relationship will generate less heat until it doesn’t do anything at all. What is the solution? It is going out and finding new wood, or kindling. What the hell is that? It is finding new restaurants to try. It is cooking new dishes at home. It is taking classes to learn something new together. It is going to the movies, seeing a comedy act and dates of all kinds. It is finding new things your partner may find romantic. That could be flowers or jewelry given for sole reason that you love them. It can even be as simple as taking the time to create a personalized poem that expresses your unique love for each other. Reading classic poetry, such as the Brownings, may inspire you. I would go into details of intimate adventures you could try, but my mother reads my blog, so I will leave that research up to you personally.

One of the ways that this will become easier as you grow older is that your knowledge of your partner should also increase. How does this happen? In so many ways. Look at your partner as a mystery to solve. Which, at the heart of it, mysteries aren’t we all? You are the detective. A good detective hones their skills of observation. Watch your partner. When you go to the grocery store, what brand of mayo do they go for? This may seem unimportant, but knowing what brands they like can help you come home with just the right surprise. Use active listening with your partner. When they are telling you a story, maybe even one you have heard before, look for things that you can learn about them. Are they telling you things they like? Things that make them upset? Listen with the intent to learn. Ask questions if there is something you need clarification on.

All this may sound like work, but it is really fun once you get the hang of it. There are many other fun activities that can allow you to learn great things about your partner. I like those books of personality tests. I always find them amusing. They now have conversation decks with open-ended questions. Some specifically geared towards couples. Taking a class together can be fun. Even a walk in nature can allow you to get to know your spouse better.

The great thing is that people are always changing and evolving. Yes, this means you will never completely solve the mystery. Why would you want to? Relationships should not be something you stop working on. Just like your physical fitness, if you stop working out, you do not stay the same. You need to keep working on it. Same with your love fitness. Is that even really a term? It is now. The more that you learn about your partner, the more magic you will discover. The more I learn about my lovely lady, the more magical and beautiful she becomes.

Here is a bonus tool to use to see more magic in your relationship – gratitude. Finding as much as you can to be grateful for in your partner is one of your best uses of time. I suggest taking at the very least 5 minutes a day to do this. It can be on the drive to or from work. It can be first thing in the morning, or last thing before bed. It is not only about being grateful for all the wonderful things that your partner does, but even some of the things that drive you crazy. If you can find the gratitude in that, your relationship will be a never-ending source of magic. Margie and I wish you the greatest luck in your quest to discover the magic. We look forward to having you join us in living in a relationship full of passion.