One interesting issue that seems to develop as we grow older is our focus on our troubles instead our successes. Recently I saw a saying that read “Don’t focus on the 10% that is wrong and ignore the 90% that is right” I’m as guilty of this as anyone. You have one problem at work and that seems to be all you can focus on. One interesting way to combat this is to right now make a list of all the assets you have. Most people have more than they think. As this blog has grown I have met people who know about blogs, people who study the law of attraction, people who have contributed great ideas for living a positive life. I am often left in awe thinking “I didn’t know that about that person”. So I have formed a list. It also includes a list of people who make me smile when I am around them, movies that make me laugh, books that I enjoy reading. Like the ‘Happy CD’ in the post earlier, lists like this ideally should be made when we are in a good mood and can be amended as life shows us new and exciting blessings we never knew we had. Then, when life delivers us that ill-timed blow, we can pull out our list to find things we enjoy or to just appreciate how much we still have that is going right.
DAILY EXCITEMENT…
Yesterday we discussed having a ‘big picture’ idea to focus on. We also discussed how you can use both the time leading up to it to build excitement as well as the time following to enjoy all the memories. Today we are going to focus specifically on something you do daily. What is it you ask? That is a great question. Think, what is the one thing you look forward daily that brings you joy and helps make your life a little bit better? Do you take 10 minutes to yourself to enjoy a nice glass of wine and a few pages of a good book? Perhaps you race right from work to pick up the kids from school and then straight home to start dinner so there will be time for homework and still have everyone in bed at a somewhat decent hour. Throw in soccer practice or a Recital or two and just the thought of it makes you crave that glass of wine! Here is a little secret, we all need a daily joy ritual. Time may seem to short as it is, but ask your self one very important question. How long can you keep it up? We even give our cars a break every 3000 miles. I know lots of people I swear go more than that before they stop to take any time to themselves. What would happen to your car if you just kept driving it because you never had time to change the oil? Would it perform at it’s best? Of course not. Neither would we. Tempers become shorter and immune systems become run down. So what to do? Plan time for yourself. If this makes you feel even slightly guilty, think of it as your ‘oil change’. When you return you will be able to help those around you that much better. You may be asking “what can I really do in 5-10 minutes that will make a difference?”. I suggest some form of meditation. Now before you start picturing yourself in a complicated yoga pose, holding a lotus flower, let me reassure you there are plenty of forms of meditation. Even the western scientific world has started to acknowledge the benefits of meditation. Sharper focus, less stress, stronger immune system, more energy, better sleep. With all these benefits you might find yourself finding a little more than five minutes. Still not sure about this meditation thing? I suggest looking into a few books. I’ve read one full of relaxation techniques that only take a minute. Reading and research still sound a bit to stressful for you? There are tons of guided meditation cds and dvd’s you can purchase. Just push play and the rest is done for you. One of the best websites I recommend is brainsync.com they have a cd for almost any person interested in a moment to themselves. After all, with all that running around, don’t you deserve it? Ok, off to find my lotus flower
WHAT ARE YOU EXCITED ABOUT?
If you had to pause a minute to answer this, or worse yet, you have to answer ‘nothing’, we have a problem on our hands. Our days can be filled with one responsibility after another. Chores that have to be done. Deadlines that have to be met. People to meet, places to go as they say. Well, what keeps us going is having a little something to look forward to. I hear a lot of you responding “yeah friday, 5 o’clock” While the weekend is certainly fun, we can’t live our lives dreading 5 days and enjoying 2. No, I am talking about both big picture and daily. First let’s look at big picture. Plan a get away with a group of friends. Make it months down the road so you can work out vacation time and child care and any other needs that may arise. It need not be a trip to Vegas, although that can be fun. Even a weekend get away at a cabin in the woods with the girls or the guys can be a blast. Fun thing is, you can spend the days, weeks and months leading up to it doing fun things to get ready. Maybe taking out the sleeping bags to make sure they’re clean. Picking up a good bottle of wine to share. Anything that can get you excited. Plus, sharing with friends can keep all of you looking forward. How much more fun would that work meeting be if in the middle of it you receive a picture message of your favorite wine with a caption that reads “Here’s to next month” or a picture of a campfire with the words “don’t forget the marshmallows”. A female friend of mine even worked out with her husband to take the kids to a hotel with a water park while her and her girlfriends had an ‘adult sleep over’ for the evening. They all brought something and stayed up all night drinking wine, watching movies and laughing. As sad as it can be when it’s over, your left with fun memories and an eagerness to plan the next event. This also has the added bonus of strengthening friendships, or relationships if you do it with your spouse, and that can always add joy to our lives. So what are you waiting for? Get some friends, or your spouse together and start planing some fun!! Tomorrow we will discuss the daily aspect of this.
LIVE IN THE MOMENT…OR THEN AGAIN, MAYBE NOT..
One of the biggest obstacles to people living a happy life is they are never really in it. They either spend too much time regretting and reliving the past, or even worse, worrying and dreading what might happen in the future. I am a big fan of setting the past free, and not worrying about things that ‘might’ happen. I did find one interesting caveat to this theory. When we focus on ‘what is’ it becomes really hard to get to where we want to be. How many times have we said to ourselves “I really feel fat, I need to lose some weight” Only to find our efforts end in vain? Have you ever looked at a stack of bills thinking “I really have to get this budget under control” only to end up more in debt at the end of the next month? The reason for this and the solution is rather quite simple. I must confess it escaped me until earlier this evening. While spending time debating if my current job is for me and if I will be able to handle the upcoming challenges considering how overwhelmed I am already feeling, the answer came to me. I was focusing too much on what is! How could we ever expect to achieve weight loss when starting with feeling fat? You can not achieve financial well-being out of thoughts of poverty. Instead we should spend a good 5 to 10 minutes a day doing something most of us haven’t done since childhood. Daydream! That’s right put the power of our imagination to work for us instead of against us! When we were young we dreamed of all the great things we would do when we grew up. We pictured what our life would be like. Here is the important part, when we pictured that we were filled with all the excitement and emotion that we would feel when that situation came to pass. Then as we grew up our imagination changed. We wonder what will happen if I lose my job? How will I pay the bills? What will life be like looking for a job in this economy? We also fill it with all the feelings of worry and dread that go along with that situation. Either way we are drawing what we are picturing with such intense emotion into our life. So do yourself a favor, become a kid again! Imagine how it would feel to win the lottery. How it would feel if your job was thrilling and enjoyable. Picture it, but more important, feel it! Take yourself on a mini mental vacation. I would type more on this idea, but my flight to my mental vacation is boarding as we speak!
ON THE POSITIVE SIDE
“The fact that there is always a positive side to life is the one thing that gives me a lot of Happiness. This world is not perfect. There are problems. But things like happiness and unhappiness are relative. Realizing this gives you hope.”
The Dalai Lama
I really like this quote. How many times in life have we looked back at an incident that at the time seemed terrible only to realize how much good had come of it? The secret here is to try to shorten the time it takes to see the good in a given situation. Here is something to carry around with you and try when we encounter one of life’s unavoidable challenges. Ask yourself, “What is good about this situation” Spend no more than five minutes pondering that. Then move on and do your best to forget about what is troubling you. Your subconscious mind will still be focused on that very question. Then later that day sit down and ask yourself the same question. Although it may not seem you have given it any more effort you mind will have been working behind the scenes to come up with several ideas. It may even help to sit down with pen and paper and work on creating a list. The more you do this, the more you work on training your brain to be positive and this same formula works for solving problems. This week, let us all try to see and focus on the positive side to everything!
VIAGRA MADE ME HAPPY
As I was relaxing and watching some television the other night, the strangest commercial came on tv. normally I am not a huge fan of most of what you can find on TV. The content seems to fall short on positivity and inspiration because that really does not sell. So this ad came out of nowhere. It explained the power of a smile. Saying, “when you smile serotonin is released in the brain which is the feel good chemical” going on to further explain “In addition to making you feel good, when people witness a smile their brains also release the same chemical which causes them to feel good and yes, you guessed it, smile. So share a smile today it will do wonders” Now at this point in time I am half expecting a commercial for a dental office, or toothpaste. At the end of the commercial all they said was “This message was brought to you by the makers of Viagra” Now I am sure there are lots of moments when that very medicine makes lots of individuals and couples smile, but that was not quite what I expected. I tip my hat to the makers of Viagra for bringing a bit of inspiration, all be it unexpected, to my evening television viewing. I hope this post made you smile as much as the commercial did for me.
ANOTHER TRAGIC REMINDER
There are a lot of people who tell me “I have to focus on my finances once they are under control then I will be happy” or “boy if I was only famous like all those rich celebrities, then I would be happy all the time” Well with the untimely suicide of country star Mindy McCready we are once again reminded that Happiness is far more valuable than money. Which is why when considering investments, we should consider investing in ourselves and our own mental well-being first and foremost. Why is being happy now so important? If you won the lottery tomorrow you still would have challenges and quite often the same mental outlook just about how the lawn looks in front of the mansion instead of how it looks in front of the building that houses your 1 bedroom loft apartment. So let us see the best in what we have, so that by law we may receive even better. Let us invest in the fund with the biggest return, ourselves and our own happiness.
A SIMPLE THANK YOU…
In my quest to find amazing inspiring books to read I came across a real gem in the bargain section of the local book store just the other day. “A Simple Act of Gratitude” by John Kralik. This book is the story of a lawyer who finds himself in the worst stages of his life. Facing huge debt, a divorce and actually in the beginning of the book being lost. While searching for his way home from the trails of the Hollywood hills he is inspired to write a thank you note. Not to anyone specific, but he decides to write one thank you note a day for an entire year. Without ruining the book for you, he doesn’t quite make it, but what he learns about himself and others is truly amazing. Not to mention the effect is has on his life. Ask yourself, when was the last time you sent a thank you card? Even just a little note to show appreciation to someone who might have made your day? It may seem awkward at first, but trust me when I tell you it becomes rather fun once you get started. Just like the compliment post from a few days back, soon you will just find yourself in the habit of looking for something to be grateful for and someone to thank. When you are focused on being grateful for all you have it only brings more great things to you. Still not sold on the idea? I encourage you to take a look at this book. It may not only change your mind, but change your life.
WRITE IT DOWN…
There are often two great challenges in forming a more positive attitude and lifestyle. First, knowing what to change, much less how to change it. Second, keeping motivated in a negative world. A tool that goes a long way in addressing both of these concerns is a journal. If you kept a diary when you were younger you are familiar with the concept. A quick jot of your emotions on paper helps in so many ways. Not a fan of pen and paper? There are plenty of journaling software available. This idea was made popular by the TV show ‘sex in the city’. writing, or typing, your thoughts down helps in several ways. One, it helps with achieving clarity. Often when confused about what the right thing may be to do in a certain situation I journal about it. The answer doesn’t always jump out at me, but I usually leave knowing a little bit better where I stand. Two, it also helps see where negativity may be creeping in and what subjects you may not have the most pleasant outlook on. Being that your journal is only intended to be read by you, feel free to be completely honest and you may discover what is holding you back from living life in a more positively passionate way, and how best to move forward. Third, if you are a fan of going back and reading what you have written days, weeks, months or even years earlier it can be a great way to see how far you have come. I must confess this is not a practice I often do, but when I do it seems comical to see what I may have considered an impossible problem 6 months ago that I may have forgotten about already. It also helps me see how much more positive I have become or warns me that I may not be as positive as I should be. Trust me when I tell you a journal can be the kindest and cheapest therapist you will ever Love.
THE POWER OF ONE…
I am a big fan of simple random acts of kindness. I am also a fan of surrounding myself with positive books, cds and other inspirational items to be enjoyed at any given moment. That is why I am happy to tell you about the book ‘The Power of One’ by Steve Maraboli. In this fabulous book there is simply 365 things to try to bring kindness to the world. Presumably one per day of the year. Of course you could do more than one a day, or do one a week. The important point here is that there are several good ideas for bringing kindness to others. If you are unable to find or afford this book, fear not, I am going to be sharing a few of these ideas in the coming days. I do recommend picking up a copy of you are able to as it is also sprinkled with great uplifting quotes and inspiration. The principle the book is based on is ‘one kind gesture, one person at a time, one day at a time’ It may seem like a small idea until you realize how many ‘ones’ you see every day. Imagine if every person you saw on any given day would do just one kind thing and you can begin to get an appreciation for the power of this idea. Speaking of ideas it may also be fun to form a list of your own ideas. Simple ideas of selfless kindness you can do for others. You’ll be amazed at the power of one, especially when you realize the one is you.
SECRET 2 AN AMAZING LIFE 