Tag: self-improvement

WISDOM FROM EDUARDO

For those of you who follow this blog, you might know Eduardo. He is a member of this community from Italy. His comments on what is written here I feel often surpass even what is written! Eduardo has a brilliant ability to say in only a few lines what can take paragraphs for others to explain. His insight, thoughtfulness and love of rock-n-roll make him one of my favorite people to hear from He just came out with his own book and I cannot wait to read it.

Let us get back to today’s comment we are looking at. I want to focus on the last part of that comment. “Too much planning amounts to treating the present moment as an obstacle to endure on the road to somewhere else.” What a powerful statement. How many of us fail to be present because we are too busy being depressed about the past or worried about the future? Our mind is always preparing for ‘what is next’ while life passes us by. When we are at work, we wish we were home. When we are home, we are concerned about what has to be done when we return to the office.

I do not know who said it, but someone once said, “Work when you work and play when you play.” How simple that sounds, but how easy it is to forget. In an age of constant distraction, remaining present is nothing less than a super power. I suggest practicing this. How? By spending just five focused minutes to start out. Sit with a picture of a loved one. This works best if you have a printed picture so you do not receive a million notifications while doing so. You can always turn on the ‘do not disturb’ button on your phone, or set it to airplane mood. Now that you have the picture, spend 5 minutes pondering how wonderful this person is and all the reasons you are grateful for them. You can recall memories, how much you love their smile or their sense of humor. Just stay present and focused on that person.

You can even set a timer to alert you when the time is up. It may seem like forever at first, but you will get used to it. Then slowly lengthen the time. 10 minutes or 30! It does not always have to be staring at a photo. It can be reading a book. Looking at the beauty of nature. You will find as your ability to stay present increases, so does your appreciation for the amazing life you have.

1 SENTENCE ON LIVING LIFE

It is with a great sense of compassion that I write this. It is true that a lot of people are victims of not knowing what they do not know. In today’s world, unless you live in a dictatorship, you have access to more information that the richest and most powerful had just a few years ago. If you think in any way this sounds condescending, let me assure you that I can use myself as an example.

Before the year 2000, my life was a mess. My relationships, my career and my health. There was no direction to my life. Self-improvement? That was something I heard about in passing. My childhood consisted more of a “pull yourself up by the bootstraps” sort of thing. Studying the power of the subconscious mind or the importance of taking care of your mental health? Never was a topic discussed. Let us face it, the public education system when I grew up was worried more about you finding the surface area of an ellipse than how to manage your stress and find direction in your life.

The point was that I was ignorant. How do we go from there to someone who teaches seminars on self-improvement, has a daily blog and three published books on the subject? It all began with a Tony Robbins infomerical. Yes, it was 3am and I was getting ready for work and you could get a ‘free trail’ if you called now. So, half asleep, I did call. It was so long ago that I was sent a tape cassette. I listened to that thing over and over again. I have come across many great sources sense that day, but Tony had, and still does, a great talent for speaking directly to the person listening.

The whole story is chronicled in my first book, A Happy Life for Busy People. After much hard work and the influence of my beautiful lady, Margie, my life is one I am happy and proud to live. Is there work to do? Of course. David Goggins (I told you there were more influences) puts it best, “There is no finish line.” Becoming the best version of yourself is a life-long journey. Matthew McConaughey says his hero is him 10 years from now. Meaning the more enlightened and knowledgeable version of himself.

The key thing to getting started is knowing that nobody is coming to save you. You have to put in the effort. If you do not know what to do, go to the library, go online and get the information. Take the actions and get started. Where you started from does not matter. What you do about it is what counts!

1 THING THAT DRIVES ME CRAZY

One of the things that drives me crazy is people who explain away bad habits, a negative attitude or abusive behavior with the phrase, “That is just the way I am.” In a world where you can change literally anything about yourself, it is no longer ‘just who you are’. No, the correct phrase would be, “That is who I am choosing to be.”. When you do your best to excuse away your character flaws it says two things. One, you do not have the self-awareness or self-discipline to work on improving yourself. Two, you choose to let your emotions control you instead of controlling them.

Saying “That’s just the way I am.” makes you look lazy and disrespectful. This is not saying that you need to change yourself to please someone else. No. Having quirks and creative differences make us the beautiful unique creatures we are. When you find yourself making that statement after describing a negative behavior, no that it is a choice. “He wants me to control my temper, but that is just the way I am.” Really translates to those of us hearing it to “I have an anger management problem that I am too self-centered to work on.” If you enjoy having a bad temper, that is on you. To pretend that is something that is ‘just you’ and that you cannot change is not true.

Conversely, when you hear someone say “I am working on that.” They not only sound instantly more respectful, but also more self-aware and self-disciplined. None of us are perfect. There are all things we need to work on. If you find yourself adding the phrase “That is just who I am.” after a negative behavior, you should realize that you are making an excuse. There are no areas in our life that we cannot work to improve. Be the type of person who says, “I am working on that.” Even more to the point, be the type of person who does. You will not only receive more respect from others, but you will come to respect yourself more.

BE THIS KIND OF PERSON

There is so much good stuff to unpack in this quote. It is true that the world seems bent on gaining your 15 minutes of fame. Often, just for the ability to be famous. Many do not apply that fame to anything worthwhile. The truth, as revealed in this quote, is that you do not have to be famous. You do not have to even be seen, popular or well-known. One of the most powerful things you can do to stand out is to be kind. Be the kind of person who makes people smile.

When I mention this to others, they often reply with a little bit of sarcasm. “How Mr. Rogers of you.” I hear. One lady even looked at me and replied in a bit of a condescending manner, “Nobody smiles anymore.” Despite her tone, she wasn’t wrong. This is exactly why we need to do it more often. The examples of making cashiers smile, waiters laugh and lonely people feel seen, that is world-changing stuff. So many people do the opposite. That is why kindness not only makes you rare, it makes you extraordinary! Kindness is even more valuable and treasured due to the fact it is so rare.

If you feel the need to stand out, do so by being kind. There is very little competition and the payoff is creating a world that is a brighter place for us all. The world needs more of that. The world needs more of your kindness.

BECOME SOMEONE WHO CANNOT BE OWNED

Last post we looked at the kind of people you do not want in your life. Let us switch gears and take a look at the kind of people you do want in your life and the kind of person you should strive to become. The quote above from Epictetus gives us the formula. That is to be some who can walk away from desires in order to achieve goals. I am paraphrasing, but that is the lesson there. If your goal is to become healthier, but you often desire doughnuts and ice cream, you will have to choose one of them.

Here is another consideration. If we are constantly giving into our desires, they in a sense become our masters. If you cannot say ‘no’ to the doughnut in the breakroom, then you will forever be working on developing a healthy eating plan. That is not to say an occasional doughnut will ruin everything. What we are saying here is that you need to develop the will, the focus and the self-discipline to turn down immediate gratification in order to reach a long-term goal. That seems rather logical, but in today’s world, it is a rare quality.

Another prime example is getting hooked on social media. You know you are supposed to clean the kitchen, but you will take a break to watch just a few videos. An hour later there you sit, phone in hand with a dirty kitchen. It takes roughly 20 minutes for the brain to focus on an activity. Meaning every time you take that break, you are resetting the clock. Normal adult brains to require a quick reset around the 90 minute mark. It should not last too long, or you may find yourself unable to get started again. You must be able to discipline yourself or you will not achieve many goals in life. If it helps, make deals with your desires. You will watch that otter video after the kitchen is clean. You can have a doughnut after you complete your workout or reach a certain goal weight.

To achieve anything great in life, you must be able to delay immediate gratification to fit the long-term goal. How you do this is up to you. Doing it is not an option. Ancient philosophers knew it. In today’s world, it is even more important. Feel free to share your secrets for staying focused.

YOU CANNOT AFFORD TO BE AROUND THESE PEOPLE

Becoming the best version of ourselves is difficult. There is the task of finding the information, tools and strategies that will give us the best results. That is a uniquely personal experience. As with most things in life, what works for one person may not work for the next. Once we have that knowledge, we need both the motivation and self-discipline to put it into action or we may as well remain ignorant. Add to this the voice inside our heads reminding us of all our past failures and cautioning us against anything that will take us out of our comfort zone. Are you aware that roughly 80% of our self-talk is negative? That certainly makes our self-improvement journey a lot more difficult. I tell you this because I have worked through all of this.

Keeping all of this in mind, there is one thing we can ill-afford to do. That is to surround ourselves with people who view our growth as their competition. There are many reasons why people may think this way. Not all of them are malicious. Yes, there are those who do not want you to look better than them. This can be ego. It can be vanity. It can even be for economic or sociological gain. They may want to look better in front of the boss. They could want to look like the best in a social circle. The first rule in dealing with these people can be summed up in 2 words – let them. Trying to convince others of your importance is seldom a good use of time or energy. You would be better served putting that energy into actually making yourself better.

Not all of these folks operate out of malice. For some, your growth can be competition with their fragile ego or hidden insecurities. “If he makes more money, he will be too good to hang around with me anymore.” or “If she focuses on fitness, she will not want to date someone like me.” These folks view your growth as competition for their place in your life. Ideally, these people should use that insecurity as motivation to improve themselves. They should be celebrating any success of their friends. We all know that it does not always work this way.

You can offer reassurance and encouragement to some degree. If that doesn’t work, it may be time to limit your exposure to them. You face enough obstacles to becoming the best version of yourself. You do not need another one. You could always circle back to the relationship after you reach a certain level of growth, but chances are, you may not want to. Anyone who views your growth as their competition can derail your success where they do so with malice, with fear, with insecurity or any other reason. You cannot afford to let that happen. Surround yourself with people who both encourage you as well as celebrate with you.

ARE YOU WHEREVER OR WHENEVER?

This is a rather amusing quote from Oscar Wilde. In its amusement, however, there begs a very important question. Are we someone who adds to other’s lives or are we a drain? It is true you can find something helpful about anyone, even if it is just a warning about how not to live. Sometimes the best teachers can be negative examples. Let us be honest, most people do not approach life this way. If we are being honest, I do not always remember to do so. We can often fall into the trap of focusing so hard on improving our life, that we fail to remember to be a blessing in other people’s lives.

One of the best ways to do this is to bring happiness wherever you go. The easiest way is by using of natural talents to bring love and light to everyone we encounter. This can be by being a good listener. It can be offering an encouraging word, or even just a smile. It can also be done by subtraction. Do not be the one who brings complaints. Do not be the first one to parrot negative news or the latest political talking points. Stay away from gossip. Instead pay genuine compliments or share what you are grateful for that day.

Not only will more people want to be around you. Not only will you bring happiness wherever you go. The best part? You will be more happy too! By bringing joy and happiness to all those you encounter, you are constantly surrounded by smiling faces! Who would not want that? It will sure make life a lot more pleasant. Be someone who brings happiness wherever you go and not whenever you go.

WILL THEY STOP AT YOUR PORTRAIT?

There are a some people who call me a ‘motivational speaker’. Nice title. I hope that I do motivate some to take actions that will allow them to become the best version of themselves. I look at myself more as a coach, or even a servant. Using what I have learned, and continue to learn, to help others improve their life as I have.

If you met me recently, or at least in this stage of my life, you would hardly guess the person I used to be. There were many roles I filled. I was a bartender. I sang in a rock band. Perhaps it was being thrust into the limelight. It could have been the praise, earned or not, that was given me. At one point I could not have been further from being an enlightened person. I am not attempting to paint myself in a bad light here. What I am doing my best to convey is the fact that I know what it is like to live a life that is…shall we say ‘self-focused’.

It took many different tools, strategies and people to help to get me where I am now. That story could be an entire book by itself. Much of it is contained in my books that you can find by searching ‘Neil Panosian’ on Amazon. Being introduced to self-improvement world by accidentally purchasing an infomercial at 3a.m., to more recently falling in love with a lady who both keeps me guessing and keeps me in line, have all contributed to becoming a better version of myself.

Speaking of that amazing lady, she is behind a lot of my work. She authored the foreword to my second book. She also convinced me to start my YouTube channel. One of the first videos we did was about writing your own eulogy. The idea came to me after my cousin was killed by a drunk driver. You can even hear the emotion in my voice while we are filming the video. It was filmed at a cemetery. The idea was to write your own eulogy. This is helpful in so many ways! I break in down in detail in my second book, Living the Dream. The main benefit is to decide what you want your legacy to be. The side-effect of that is that you can tell if the actions you are taking right now are taking you in that direction or away from it. After that video, and some more intense life-altering events, I took a hard look in the mirror. I was not thrilled with what I saw.

Determined to become a man I could be proud of, I began to change many things in my life. With the support of my lovely lady and other friends and family, you have the man behind the keyboard today. Am I where I want to be? Not at all, but at least I know where I want to go and take actions to get there. You can do the same. It doesn’t happen overnight, but it will not happen unless you begin! After a brief flirtation with death, the level of urgency to become that man whose portrait you will stop at became more urgent. Death is certain, but the hour uncertain they say. None of us know how much time we have to craft our legacy. All that I can promise you is that it is less time than you had when you started to read this. Take action now! Those in your life deserve it. Your future deserves it. Your legacy deserves it.

BECOME THE SUPERIOR PERSON!

Who would not want to be a superior person. This does not mean being ‘better than someone’. It means being better than you were. Holding yourself to a higher standard. These three things can help us get there. We will take them in reverse order. The first is Act with Virtue. This is really not as complicated as it seems. To understand how to do this, focus on the last word – virtue. What do you consider a virtue? Honesty? Than do not tell lies or spread false gossip. Maybe kindness and compassion is your idea of virtue? Than act in such a manner where you show kindness and compassion to everyone you meet. There are so many virtues. You could try adding one at a time to your life. If you are still not sure, just Google, “What are some virtues?” and take it from there.

The second skill to become a superior person is to Stay focused. This may seem simple, but in today’s distraction driven world, the focused person is a superhero. The average attention span seems to dwindle by the day. Most people do not live an amazing life not because they lack knowledge, but because they lack focus. Staying zeroed in on what is important to reaching your goal is not a skill many modern people possess. Working to improve your attention and ability to focus will put you far ahead. This can be setting limits on phone use, only watching one episode of a show instead of binge watching them all. Skipping watching television or scrolling until after you complete a task is even better yet! Use it as a reward!

This is one that people either have a hard time grasping, or forget all together. Far too many people let their emotions get the best of them and then spend their time and energy trying to correct the consequences. Does anger cause you to snap at people or say things you would not normally say? Instead use it to fuel a good workout, or put that anger and frustration to use as kindling for the fire of desire to become a better version of yourself and improve your life. Does sadness forbid you from even leaving the bed? Use that pain as a motivation to help others who may be hurting. All emotions, from positive to negative, can be made to work for us instead of controlling us. Is controlling your emotions and putting them to work easy? Of course not! Especially if you have been letting them run the show for most of your life. The important point is that it is possible. Putting your emotions to work for you can give you a superior life and make you a superior person.

One goal – to become a superior person. Three simple steps – control your emotions, stay focused and live with virtue. Can you see how easy it is to rise above the crowd? Yes, it will take some work. Yes it will be challenging. Ask yourself this question, “Is your life worth it?” If the answer is ‘yes’, begin to do these three things right now. Every day of effort makes you superior to anyone who is not trying, but most importantly, superior to the person you were yesterday!

HAPPINESS IS FOUND IN 3 THINGS

Happiness is quite the topic lately. Billions of dollars spent by people trying to obtain it. Thousands of books written every year telling us how to find it. I even wrote one. (A Happy Life for Busy People) Most people would like you to believe that happiness is a subject far too complicated to be understood by the average person. They point to all of the successful people who have not figured it out yet. Movie stars that suffer from depression. Rock stars that turn to drugs or alcohol to cope with the inability to find it. Examples are everywhere.

I believe that the complication is part of the problem. Looking at the photo above, 3 simple things can help us increase the amount of happiness in our life. Let us tackle them one at a time. Letting go of what was. In self-improvement circles they say if you are depressed, you are living in the past. Stressing over what is done and can’t be changed is a foolish endeavor. You can mine the lesson out of the experience. You can occasionally use the pain of the reminder to motivate you to be better in the present, but beyond that, let it go. Much like driving, we glance in the rearview mirror, but look through the windshield. It is good to glance back at your past and see if anything is sneaking up to affect your present, but go back to looking out the windshield. Just like staring in the rearview mirror while driving will cause you to crash, living in the past will cause your present life to come crashing down around you.

The second enjoying what is, should be a no-brainer. Why would you not do your best to enjoy your current life? Many delay their happiness until some future event. That is also a foolish course of action. I have been listening to a lot of Inky Johnson. If you do not know who he is, I highly recommend a quick Google search and listen. When people tell him, “I will do it tomorrow.” Which I imagine includes feeling grateful and enjoying what you do have in life. He answers them with the question, “Who promised you that?” Meaning that tomorrow is not a given. There are so many of us who went to bed with plans for tomorrow who never woke up. That is a sad reality. Also a sad reality is people who never stop to feel grateful for all that they have and all that is right in their life. Yes, we all face challenges. Yes, some are worse than others. All of us, however, have many things to be grateful for if only we stopped to focus on them.

Lastly is having faith in what will be. How many times have you laid in bed full of worry for what tomorrow will bring? You would be better served being as prepared as you can be and getting the proper amount of rest. There is a saying that the best assurance for a good future is to create it today. The future and the past are two things that exist only in our minds. One has been over and done with. The other has not even happened yet. The only way to affect either is to do something in the present. You want to improve the past? Use it to learn from. You want to have a good future? Do something to improve your life today. The present is the only time we can act in. The future is not only up to us, but as we discussed earlier, it is not guaranteed.

Work on these three things daily. Letting go of the past. Enjoying the present. Having faith in the future. If you do this with any amount of effort and consistency, the level of happiness in your life is sure to increase.