It may shock you to read the title of this post. Normally, we are all about healing the world. I feel this post provides one of the best ways in which people can heal the world. That is by healing themselves. We have all heard the saying that only hurt people hurt people. There is a great amount of truth to that. Think about when you are having a great day. Even if you experience some trouble, it does not seem to bother you that much. Now, imagine that in a broader context. How much less would people and life bother you if your soul was free from hurt?
I recognize that this may sound flippant. In no way am I inferring that healing yourself is easy. Merely, we are saying that to embark on a journey of self-healing is one of the most powerful actions you can take to heal the world. Another way is to help, or at least support others who are on their own journey of healing. Sharing tools and strategies you learn that have helped you heal is another great step. When we all heal the hate and hurt in our hearts, the world will begin to heal. I think it is one of the greatest things we can do for not only ourselves and those we care about, but for the world at large. Take the time, heal yourself.
Wouldn’t it be great to know what people think? There are books and courses on just that. If you ask Google how to tell what people think, the answer is that you should combine active communication with behavior patterns. Here is the tricky bit. Sometimes those things not only do not agree, but may be contrary to each other! What then? I say you do look at both communication and behavior, but put the weight on the latter. How often do you hear people say they believe one thing, but then behave in the complete opposite? We are not our words, we are our actions. A person can tell you who they want to be, but if there actions are the opposite, then they are the opposite.
How about you? What would someone deduce you were thinking if they paid attention to your behavior? How about if they only listened to your words? Do your words and behavior match? That is a sign of great character, when your words and actions match. If you wish to know someone’s thoughts, watch their behavior.
This photo was gifted to me from a coworker. What a powerful message. There are many times in life that we are doing our best to comfort, inspire or assist a friend, lover or coworker. Ocassionally, the situation does not seem to change, or it may even get worse. This can have us feeling like a failure or that we let down the other party. Was our advice wrong? Did we say or do the wrong thing? Are we an imposter when it comes to our best intentions. Most of the time it is none of these.
Looking at the photo above, it is pretty easy to see what is going on. During personal interactions, it is not that easy. We must keep this image in mind. We can seem to give our all and have no impact at all. It can be frustrating, deflating or even depressing. If, however, the person is not ready to receive what we have to offer, it can be completely worthless. If you have tried different delivery methods. If you have engaged on personal reflection and still cannot find what you are doing incorrectly, it might not be you. Even the best efforts fail with the wrong person. I equate it to spreading seeds on concrete. Even if you have the most fertile seeds, they will not grow on concrete. You might find fertile soil in which they can take root and grow. It is the same with personal interaction.
As some of you may know, I am currently working on a book that chronicles my 23 years of bartending. I am not sure what will be next. Maybe a book on my years in the post office. If so, the following story may very well be included in that volume. It is also a good lesson for all of us to remember. Not only for work, but for life in general.
One of my jobs working for the great United States Postal Service was to travel to different offices and train the staff on how to work with the public. It was one of my favorite jobs that I have held there. Some people were a little difficult to work with. Some were a little easier. There were an exceptional few that required very little training at all. They just had the gift of connecting with the public. One such lady I trained that fit into the category was Young Kim. She was a Korean woman who smiled a lot and was a natural when it came to the job. There was little I had to tell her. That left my coworker Dave and I plenty of time to explore which kind of coffee we enjoyed best while working.
Towards the end of her training, Young made a mistake you would expect someone to make on their first day. Before I could mention anything or correct her, she spun around and said to me, “Do not say anything! Even monkey fall from tree!” Immediately I got. It was that she did not know what to do, she just made an honest mistake. She did not let it slow her down and went on to have an amazing career making everyone she dealt with very happy. We should all be that way. Not letting our mistakes get us down. Even experts mess up. It happens. We are human.
Next time you make a mistake. Take corrective action, if possible. Do not be hard on yourself. Just remind yourself, “Even monkeys fall from trees.”
Back in the 1930’s and 1940’s people used to refer to people they did not like as a ‘bum’. It was also a name for someone who did not bring much to the situation. In much the same vein, I like the acronym above. Using bum to stand for ‘broke, undermining manipulators’ is a good way to remind us to watch out for these people coming into our life. Broke can be many things. People can be down on their luck through no fault of their own. That is not the broke we are talking about. We are talking about people with no fiscal sense. People who constantly spend more than they earn. Undermining people? They are not only people who gossip and work against you behind your back, but people who talk down about your goals, your ambitions and your efforts to better yourself. Manipulators are pretty self-explanitory.
When you focus on surrounding yourself with good people, keeping this acronym in mind will help. You do not want a bunch of bums in your life and you certainly do not want to be a bum in anyone else’s life.
There is a point in the journey of self-improvement that is very difficult. With some irony, it is not the beginning. It is when you are well into your journey. You have begun making some changes in your habits and behaviors. Maybe you have seen some improvement, but certainly your life has not yet changed to the degree you were hoping for. Here is the challenging part. The people you used to surround yourself with, who may still be living a life much like the one you were trying to leave behind, do not really feel right to hang around with anymore. Maybe they want to go out for cocktails every night while you are focused on getting up early to hit the gym before work. Maybe they are discussing gossip and the ‘who is doing who’ while you want to discuss something new you have learned about the law of attraction. They call you weird or lame. Sometimes they may actively start to avoid you because your efforts to become better shine a spotlight on their lack of effort. They may not even do this consciously.
The worst part is that you have been not doing this long enough to have found your new group of people who are working to improve themselves. The ones who will both accept and encourage your efforts. You are in a purgatory of sorts. Not where you used to be, but not yet where you wish to go. This is where the temptation to give up and go back to that old crowd so you can feel like you belong is the strongest. You feel like an outcast or a weirdo. Here is what I can tell you. Any of us who have traveled the journey to better ourselves have faced this period. It can feel lonely. It can feel awkward. Trust the process. You will find yourself surrounded by like-minded people soon enough. Keep your head high. Most importantly, fall in love with yourself and the brave journey you are on! Do not give up on all of your efforts.
While you wait for this time to pass, do not forget how many resources are out there. There may be local groups that meet to discuss self-improvement ideas. Cannot find any? There are plenty of online communities that do so. Begin to comment and engage on here and you will find like-minded souls! After all, we are in over 200 countries. Sometimes someone in the online community can lead you to a physical group to hook up with. Just fall in love with who you are right now while keeping the focus on who you will become! You are a beautiful soul now, and you are only getting better and brighter!
Do you know who Earl Nightingale is? If not, I highly recommend looking him up. Not only the man himself, who did amazing things, but his works as well. They are many common sense advice to help you really excel at life. No complicated jargon. No new-age theory. Just common sense, easy to understand tools and strategies that can assist you in becoming the best version of yourself. So if you are a person, like myself, who is always looking to better your best, follow the advice of Earl Nightingale.
The work I would recommend you start with is titled The Strangest Secret. It is a roughly 30 minute audio clip that explains just how, as stated in the photo above, we become what we think about. Have you stopped and thought about this? The thoughts we entertain determine the actions we take. The actions we take determine the outcome of our life. This does not mean you sit in your home and think about being a success and it will come to you. Not at all. What it breaks down to is if you think positive thoughts, you will generally take positive actions. If you think the world is against you and there is not use in trying, you are not going to persist in the actions needed to succeed. Especially when challenges appear.
Are you aware that 95% of our thoughts are both subconscious and repetitive? That means we are barely aware of what we are thinking and it is mostly the same thoughts we had yesterday. The scary part is that 80% of our internal dialogue is negative. As you can see, leaving your brain on autopilot, which is what most people do, can limit us in such a dramatic fashion? The secret is to take control of our thoughts. Make them conscious! Make them positive! Take the inspired action they lead to! A great formula for doing so can be found by listening to the strangest secret. Take 30 minutes out of your day to give it a listen. You will be in possession of the strangest secret. What you do with it is up to you.
This post comes out on a Monday. A day many of us, myself included, struggle with on occasion. You wake up early than you would like. You drive in traffic to some place you would rather not be to work with people, many of which you would rather not spend your time with. It can all seem rather pointless. In many ways, it provides great motivation to do something more aligned with your soul. Around lunch time, many of us can find ourselves sighing and asking, “What is it all for?” That is a very important and powerful question.
The picture above gives us a very important answer. Whether that is your career or any other aspect of your life, the reason why we do what we do is infinitely more important than what we get out of doing it. One of the most important reasons is to bring joy to those you love. Perhaps you have a family or a loving spouse at home? Your long hours, hard work and sacrifices can afford you the ability to put a smile on their face. Before you think it is just money to keep the lights on and a roof over their heads, which is important, let me give you another avenue to ponder.
Another way in which you put a smile on face of those who have sacrificed for you, whether that is your parents, your family or those who believe in you, is to become the best version of yourself. Becoming a ‘success’ can be defined in many different ways. That can becoming a helpful and compassionate individual. It certainly can be achieving a certain status or material level. It can also be facing and overcoming your personal demons. This could be overcoming temptation to improve your health. It could be overcoming an addiction. There are a million ways in which you can make those who have sacrificed for you smile. The hours your family have missed you while you toil at the office or on the job site. Think of all the ways people have sacrificed for you. You owe it to them, and to yourself, to give it your all and become the best version of yourself.
Last post we discussed the quote, “Some people will never like you because your spirit irritates their demons.” Not only is that quote worth repeating, it is worth pairing with the quote above, “Never let the ugly in others kill the beauty in you.” This can be really hard to do. There is the ability to attack people from behind a keyboard, or through a text message. There is little or no chance of repercussion. This, unfortunately, brings out less than the best in much of humanity.
Their is a social media platform that this blog appears on, I will not mention the name, but it can be very confrontational. I have people attack me because of the way the title of my posts are set. They have attacked me for spreading optimism and positivity. Some people have even said some awful things because they believed my spiritual beliefs and theirs were not the same. This is amusing because I do not generally share my beliefs on this site. No, this site is for anyone regardless of what faith you follow.
When you are doing your best to help people become the best version of themselves through both tools and strategies you have learned, as well as the mistakes you have made, seeing the ugly in humanity can be dispiriting to say the least. I am sure the same holds true in whatever career you are in. Even life in general. The other day I held the door for an elderly gentleman who proceeded to enlighten me with what he found offensive about my appearance. Crazy things like this happen to all of us. It can be hard not to let this affect you.
Was I tempted to think, “I am never opening doors for anyone again!”? Not really. Maybe for that gentleman. Even that isn’t necessarily so. He was an elderly man. There could have been a million things going wrong in his life. He could have been facing a health challenge. That tends to happen more the older we get. He could have just lost someone he cared about. That is another event that happens with greater frequency as we age. Who am I to judge? Those who are the cruelest are often the ones who need our kindness the most. The worst thing we can do is allow their cruelty to affect our kindness. First, as pointed out earlier, we do not know what makes them the way they are. If we were in their exact situation, we may act the same. Second, and more important, is there may be someone else out there who is depending on your kindness. Someone who is just hanging on. Allowing someone to take that away may cost the world more than just your kindness. It may cost everything to someone depending on that kindness. Never let the ugly in others kill the beauty in you.
Here is a sad truth most of us have a hard time grasping – some people may never like you. It could be jealousy, envy, racism, or a host of other issues. There are people in my life that I have never even met that do not like me. When your writing is viewed in over 200 countries, it is difficult not to offend the likes of some. There is a gent that is offended by my sharing of anything hopeful or optimistic. He claims that is giving people a false sense of hope. Perhaps this gent would prefer a world filled with dark and depressing material. To him I say, feel free to turn on the news my good friend. At my day job there are people who dislike me because I am upbeat most of the time. That tends to offend them.
With social media there is a world filled with ‘keyboard rangers’, that is people who say things they would not dare say in person because they feel safe behind a keyboard. With this being the case, you are bound to encounter people who will dislike you because, as the picture states, your spirit will irritate their demons. Knowing this, I hope will help you shrug off their insults or attacks as just what they are – their opinions. Do not let them change your beautiful spirit. More on that next post.
