Tag: becoming the best version of yourself

YOU CANNOT AFFORD TO BE AROUND THESE PEOPLE

Becoming the best version of ourselves is difficult. There is the task of finding the information, tools and strategies that will give us the best results. That is a uniquely personal experience. As with most things in life, what works for one person may not work for the next. Once we have that knowledge, we need both the motivation and self-discipline to put it into action or we may as well remain ignorant. Add to this the voice inside our heads reminding us of all our past failures and cautioning us against anything that will take us out of our comfort zone. Are you aware that roughly 80% of our self-talk is negative? That certainly makes our self-improvement journey a lot more difficult. I tell you this because I have worked through all of this.

Keeping all of this in mind, there is one thing we can ill-afford to do. That is to surround ourselves with people who view our growth as their competition. There are many reasons why people may think this way. Not all of them are malicious. Yes, there are those who do not want you to look better than them. This can be ego. It can be vanity. It can even be for economic or sociological gain. They may want to look better in front of the boss. They could want to look like the best in a social circle. The first rule in dealing with these people can be summed up in 2 words – let them. Trying to convince others of your importance is seldom a good use of time or energy. You would be better served putting that energy into actually making yourself better.

Not all of these folks operate out of malice. For some, your growth can be competition with their fragile ego or hidden insecurities. “If he makes more money, he will be too good to hang around with me anymore.” or “If she focuses on fitness, she will not want to date someone like me.” These folks view your growth as competition for their place in your life. Ideally, these people should use that insecurity as motivation to improve themselves. They should be celebrating any success of their friends. We all know that it does not always work this way.

You can offer reassurance and encouragement to some degree. If that doesn’t work, it may be time to limit your exposure to them. You face enough obstacles to becoming the best version of yourself. You do not need another one. You could always circle back to the relationship after you reach a certain level of growth, but chances are, you may not want to. Anyone who views your growth as their competition can derail your success where they do so with malice, with fear, with insecurity or any other reason. You cannot afford to let that happen. Surround yourself with people who both encourage you as well as celebrate with you.

A CRUCIAL MONDAY REMINDER

This is a good reminder for any day, but this post happens to come out on a Monday, so there we are. Recently, I did something that I have not done for over a year. I called in sick to my day job. For the last 2 weeks, I have not been eating or sleeping right all while pushing my body physically. I woke up feeling like I had been run over by a truck. Normally, I always feel a little guilt when I call in. This time it was clear that it was the smart thing to do. My body basically told me, “You could make it through, but it would not be a good idea.”

On the same day I ran into our friend Cindy at the coffee shop while getting some writing done. She told me that she had quit her job of over 20 years. The commute time had tripled for her and they had recently let her boss go. That was the last straw for our friend. Cindy is in a position where this is a possibility. Never quit your job without have adequate income lined up.

The point of both Cindy and my situations was the same. Value yourself over your job. Yes, it is very important to have a good work ethic. I believe that gives you self-confidence and a good self-image. Continually sacrificing yourself for the company is a fool’s errand. Yes, they may appreciate it. Yes, maybe it will help you climb the corporate ladder. The question is, at what cost? Are you sacrificing your relationships? Your health? Your home life? The knowledge that your job will move on it what will be a shockingly quick amount of time, where your family and friends may never move on.

Being a dependable and solid worker is part of becoming the best version of yourself. So is setting boundaries and respecting your health, both mental and physical. If you run yourself to the ground, you will not show up as the best version of yourself. Then you will be more likely to make mistakes and not do a good job. Working hard, but taking the time you need to remain healthy is a balance you must discover for yourself. Just remember to make you, and your family the priority.

HOW TO CREATE YOUR PERSONAL REALITY

The other morning at my day job I was listening to a motivational podcast. Many people ask, “Why after almost 2 decades in the self-improvement field and writing four books and publishing three, do you still listen to self-improvement material?” The answer is quite simple. You can never know everything. There is new information being brought to light all of the time. Becoming the best version of yourself is a life-long journey. There is no finish line.

Another, and perhaps more applicable, reason to listen to different motivational material is that it is presented in a different way. That is why you can have so many successful people in this field. A lot of their messages are the same. What is different is how it is delivered. You may hear something said by Tony Robbins and it may not resonate with you at all. Someone else may tell you the exact same tool or strategy, but in a different manner and you get it. The same holds true for those of us delivering those messages. That was what happened on this particular day.

The saying I heard is one that may be of use to you. Your personality creates your personal reality. To be honest, I do not even recall which person said this. Looking at the way it is worded, I would guess it is Tony Robbins, but I could be wrong. Who said it matters less than what we can do with this. In the two photos above, we see both what makes up a personality and how we can use our personality to fit into a career that would be most beneficial for us. Neither of these are complete lists, but it sure gets you thinking.

Let us take a look at a more personal example that I think will help this make a little more sense. At the afore-mentioned day job, we have a gentleman who stops in every morning. We will call this man ‘red truck guy’ as that is what he drives. His purpose for coming in? The best that we can figure is that he comes in to complain about his life. He comes in before the business is open and gives us a graphic description of how everyone in his life is incompetent in some fashion and how they are all out to get him. This is not an exaggeration. After several minutes, which seems longer, of complaining he departs. Here is the thing, this man creates the life he complains about. He has negative opinions about people based on about every factor you can imagine. He treats them as he views them. Then he acts surprised when these same people treat him negatively. It is a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Our personality is reflected back to us in the life we live. If our personality is warm and welcoming, that is how the world treats us. If, like in the example of our unfortunate fellow above, we find reasons to dislike our fellow man, life will be a negative experience for us. It is a reflection of the 2000 year-old emerald tablet. This said “That which is below is like that which is above.” Many of us have heard the saying, “As within, so without.” That is how our personality reflects our personal reality. Does this mean if you have a pleasant personality your life will not experience any difficulty? Of course not. You will have a life that will be a lot better to deal with those challenges. It will be filled with a lot more loving and supportive souls to assist you on that journey.

SACRIFICE CAN BE THE KEY TO SUCCESS

This reminds me of another saying that you can’t reach your destination unless you are brave enough to lose sight of the shore. Either way, the point is the same. When we are striving to create a better life for ourselves, and thus become a better version of ourselves, there are often things about our current life and self that we must give up.

People can get a little funny about this. Giving up an aspect of your life, or yourself, can make you feel like there is something wrong with the current version. Perhaps it is that wording that is too harsh. What we must be honest with is how dedicated to that new life we are. If we are looking to become healthy but are unwilling to quit having ice cream at 10pm every night, how dedicated to our health are we? We want to be more productive, but we can’t give up binge watching television for 3 hours? How much do we really want to be productive?

It can get even trickier when we think about who we share life with. Are you working on leaving alcohol behind, but can’t imagine not hanging out with your childhood friend who parties every night and is hung over every morning? How dedicated to being sober are you? Trying to work on getting fit but still hanging out with people who tell you it’s OK to skip the gym. How dedicated to your fitness are you?

Here is the important thing to consider. There is nothing inherently wrong with ice cream right before bed, going out drinking every night or skipping the gym. It boils down to what kind of life you want to live. What do you want it to look like? You might have to sacrifice some pleasures and some people. It doesn’t mean they are wrong. It just means they don’t fit into the life you are trying to create.

CAN YOU BE GRATEFUL FOR THIS?

A few months ago we have a 30 day gratitude challenge. One of the things that we did not touch on was the question, “What failure are you grateful for?” Most people are familiar with finding good things to be grateful for. It is even rather easy to see how you can be grateful for things that seem benign. Things that we take for granted every day. Such as having a working toilet or clean water. Once we stop and ponder how things would be without them, we find it rather easy to be grateful for them.

What takes a little work is discovering ways in which we can be grateful for the seemingly negative things in our life. I used the word ‘seemingly’ for a reason. On the surface, and certainly at the time, many things can seem negative. We feel hurt, embarrassment or pain. At the moment these things happen, the last emotion we are thinking about feeling is gratitude. How can you feel grateful for failing a test? How about the failure of a relationship? This is becomes even more difficult the longer that relationship has existed. Whether it is a best friend, a lover or a family member. How about failing at work? That can feel terrible. Each one of these, if properly reflected on, can give us a lot to be grateful for.

Failing a test can teach us, and motivate us to study harder. It can open our eyes to what we thought we knew that perhaps we were not as well versed on as we thought. A failure of a relationship can be a tricky one. If we are honest in our reflection, it can teach us a lot. Could we use some work on our interpersonal skills? Our communication? Should we be a more shrewd judge of character? Do we need to be better at setting boundaries? Are we actually better off in the long run without this person in our life? These are all lessons that cannot be learned without a failure of some kind. In fact, no lesson can be learned without failure. It serves as one of the best teachers.

If we fail at our job, it brings many questions to mind. Were we not prepared as well as we should have been? Are there additional skills we need to learn? Perhaps that career field is not one we are best cut out for? Things we again may never know without experiencing failure. We can use the tools of an open mind and honest reflection to transform any seeming failure into one of the most powerful educating moments of our life. Can you think of a failure that you are grateful for?

A LESSON FROM A BEER EMPIRE

The other night I attended a talk on the brewing history in my city. Indirectly, it was supposed to be focused on the history of one company in particular – Schlitz Brewing Company. Why? The reason is they are going out of business after more than 150 years. In reality, they first went out of business in 1982, a little more about that later. What this talk, among others, taught me is that there is a lot to be learned from our history. It also taught me a few other lessons that I wanted to share with you today.

Schlitz was a brewery founded in 1849 in Milwaukee. I am not going to spend too much time on the history of this company as this is a self-improvement site and not a beer site. It is an interesting story if you want to research it. Through the years the company survived many challenges. This included prohibition where they were forced to develop and sell other products. As late as 1957, they were the largest brewer in the world. What happened? That is where the lessons begin. We will talk about the brewery, but I am sure you will be able to make the connections to how we can apply this to our lives fairly quickly.

In the 1970’s a man who was an accountant, not a brewer, was given major power at the brewery. Lesson one might be to stick to what you know. He somewhat did this as he was a number guy. He decided that instead of battling other brewers to sell the most beer, he would find ways in which they could increase their profit margins. This included swapping out cheaper ingredients and rushing how long it took to prepare the beer. Before we get to what happened at this brewery, let us look at one other company the company had purchased and tried this same experience with before. Primo beer in Hawaii. When they bought the company it had roughly 70% of the Hawaiian beer market. After cheapening the brewing process, in only a few years their market share was down to 20%. They dismissed it as a regional issue. Not learning from your mistakes, or at least pondering what could have caused them would be lesson two.

Meanwhile, on the mainland things were looking great. Profits were up. Beer was being produced quicker and cheaper. Shareholders seemed to be happy. Corporate executives were happy with their bonuses and raises. Only one problem remained. The beer tasted terrible. People noticed. What happens when you start producing an inferior product, even if it is faster and cheaper? People stop buying it. That is exactly what happened in this case. After several years of denial and falling profits (remember they were not good at learning from their mistakes) they went back to the original recipe. It was too little, too late. They first closed their doors in 1982 and sold to a different brewer. Side note, because of the debt this company inherited with the purchase, it also went out of business.

The final lesson, and perhaps the most important one, is the one we can gain by looking at what brought down the company. Sacrificing quality to cut corners. You may be thinking this does not apply to you if you are not a beer producer, or at least a business owner of some kind. Not true. It applies to us all. When we begin to cut corners in any area of our life. It can be performance in our job. It can be cutting corners when it comes to our health. We can cut corners in our relationship. All of these will come back to haunt us in the long run. We may try to go back to being a good employee and showing up to work on time and working hard while we are there. By then, our boss may have made up their mind to move on. We may want to start working out and eating healthy, but the damage to our body may be beyond our ability to repair. In our relationships, hurt may be forgiven, but seldom is it forgotten. As these continue to mount, it can be impossible to overcome, even if we become the most dedicated and loving partner.

The lesson should be abundantly clear. Never sacrifice quality. That is certainly true if you are a business owner. Even more so about ourselves. By delivering the highest quality product, which is the best version of ourselves, we keep the customers happy. This is our boss by being the best employee we can be. It is our own body, and mental health, by taking care of it. It is also our relationships. This is with our family, friends and romantic partner. If we do not take care of our relationships and bring the best version of ourselves, our life will be tough to make it through. Always work to bring the best quality product to market by working to be the best version of you that you can be. Keep all of the customers in your life happy. Your boss, your doctor and your friends, family and spouse.

MAKE WHO YOUR WHY

One of the secrets to an amazing life is to have a strong ‘why’. Knowing the reason you are doing things, or the goal you are striving for will allow you to make it through some pretty tough challenges. You do not have to even being chasing a specific goal. Sometimes the challenge can be working to become the best version of yourself. Sometimes that challenge can be remaining a decent human in a world that is trying to change that. It is then that you can really be tested. Why go to work when everyone else at your place of employment is always calling in sick? Why work so hard when most of your wages go for a government that cannot balance their own budget? These are thoughts we all have at some point in time.

When you are busy saving for that vacation, or gifts for a loved one, it is easier to get up and get out of bed. Most of the time, we are working just to keep the lights on and a roof overhead. This is not as inspiring. Even becoming the best version of ourselves is not the most motivating on the hardest days. What then? The answer is not why, but ‘who’.

If you need an outside source of motivation and inspiration, look no further than those you love. Eric Thomas does a whole video on this, but we can look at it in a nutshell. For me, on the days that I do not feel like being the best version of me, I look at a picture of my beautiful lady. She does so much to show she loves me, how could I not give her the best version of me? She believes in me, even when I do not believe in myself. I think of my mother who raised me. Would she really want to be responsible for a man who grew to be less than he could be? How about my friends who are struggling and could use an example of perseverance? Of course, you – the wonderful readers of this blog. I owe it to all of you who spend your time and energy to read and apply what we share here.

Next time you are tempted to stay in bed and rest, or not give your best on a project, ask yourself some tough questions. “Do I love sleep more than I love having the respect of my spouse?” “Would being lazy be more rewarding than my children respecting the person I am?” Even though you already know the answers, ask them anyway. It may lead to you begrudgingly going ahead with what you have to do, but you will be able to lay your head down and sleep with peace that night. You will learn that often the best ‘why’ is really a ‘who’.

KEEP BLOOMING 🌻

This is so true. In a world where people are mistakenly focused on material gain and other outward signs of success, it is important to remember where real change starts. If there is anything you wish to accomplish, you must start by becoming it. That may sound backwards to some of you, so allow me to explain.

Real change happens internally. If you do not change who you are inside, that change will usually not be long-lasting. That is why so many who won the lottery end up broke. They have not changed to someone who is comfortable with having a lot of wealth.

You must work on changing your mentality first. If you want to be fit, you must become a person who likes, and is dedicated to fitness. You want to eat healthy? You must become someone who  has a better relationship with food. Someone who understands that you should eat to live and not live to eat. That healthy can be both delicious and fun!

Here is the tricky bit. When you start changing your mentality, you would think everyone would be behind you. Especially, those closest to you. Often, this is not the case. It can be a fear, be that conscious or not, that once you level up you will leave them behind. Sometimes that might have to be the case. When you are working on sobriety, you can’t hang around with addicts anymore. Maybe they just do not possess the drive to improve their lives? A little encouragement and reassurance can go a long way here.

In the end, you might be doing it alone. Quite often, self-improvement is just that – improvement by yourself. Those closest to you might be your most difficult test. Do not stop them from allowing you to bloom!

Quick side note. Be careful not to judge them either. Many people lack either the knowledge or the discipline to improve their lives. Some of the best ways we can help this is to offer encouragement and a positive example of what can be done! It may just be your success that will change their life!

WHICH WILL YOU REMOVE? 🤔

Sometimes life is ‘addition by subtraction’. That is, there are things we have, or do, in our lives that make them worse. Is it an addiction to sugar? Maybe we are prone to gossip? Perhaps it is hanging with a crowd we just know are not good for us. Whatever the case, our lives would be better without them.

What we struggle with is the perception of these things. They are not just ‘bad habits’, they are literally stopping us from becoming all we can be! They are an internal enemy! We must fight to eliminate them from our life!

My suggestion is to think of one food, habit or person that you would be better off leaving in the past. Work on eliminating that from your life. I would love to hear what you are working on!

THE BEST DEFEAT, THE ONLY DEFEAT 💪

If we are to rally against anything in life, it should be the version of ourselves that is less than we know we could be. It is one of the greatest battles we will ever face, and one that never ends. This may sound overwhelming, but it really is not.

Yes, it is true we must be diligent every day to make sure we strive to be the best version of ourselves. Even when we achieve that goal, we must work hard to maintain it. If we conquer our temptations and fix our diet, we know that sugar craving is there hiding waiting to stage a sneak attack. If we go to the gym and get our body back in shape, we must fight to maintain that. There will be the temptation to take a day off, which will lead to another, then another.

This fight will go on for the rest of our lives. It is not that we can never claim victory. We can, in fact, claim victory every night that we know we did our best. Every time we live up to our standards. We can win the battles daily. When are days are winding down, we will know if we have one enough battles to win the war. That is to say, we have lived enough good days to have made it a good life.

One final note. Far too many of us meet sudden and unexpected ends. That is why it is so important to defeat the bad version of ourselves daily. We want to start stacking those victories as soon as we can. How about you? Can you declare victory today?