Quite often the hardest thing about starting any project is knowing where to start and those all to important first steps. In fact, one of my biggest stumbling blocks that I am always working to overcome is getting to far ahead of myself and becoming overwhelmed. So where to begin if you find your life to be in a rather dark place? What if you have never made an effort to consciously live a more positive life? Even if you are just looking for a simple basic step to add to everything you already are trying. Remember different things work for different people. Try as many as you can. This next one comes from a very close source…my mother. As we were discussing ways to be more positive she came up with what I think is an easy and straight forward method to help nurture and develop a positive outlook and bring more joy into your life. The complex tools needed for this task? A pocket-size notebook and a pen. The time required for this project? A few seconds every day for about a week. Here is the game plan. Pick a day, any day, be it Monday, or Sunday or Friday. The day only matters as a start and end point. Now the night before you are going to start make sure you have a pen and paper handy. Put it on a table beside your bed, so you see it first thing in the morning. Now upon waking that day grab your pen and paper and put it in your pocket. Throughout the day whenever something good happens to you write it down. It doesn’t have to be an exact description, just enough to remember what it was. “Traffic good on way to work” would do. This is just for your own viewing so as long as you understand it is all that matters. Repeat this throughout the day as you notice anything positive occurring for you no matter how small or silly it may seem at the time. “Heard a joke and it made me laugh” “Coffee tasted really good” If you forget something at the moment or don’t have time that second, write it when you do. There are no rules and the only one seeing this is you. Now before you retire for the evening, review your list. Try and remember the moments and how you felt. This does two things. One, it will probably do wonders for your dreams that evening. Also, it helps us put life in perspective and shift our attention to the positive. So what happens if you only have one or two things that first day? Nothing. That is beautiful. You stopped to appreciate two beautiful moments in your life. Repeat this for about a week. Note what happens. By focusing on the positive things in life, it helps reduce stress and increase joy. Without getting too much into how the law of attraction works, I would say it would be a safe bet that your list will be longer on day 2, then on day one and longer on day 7 then on day 5. Now you will excuse me I need to go buy a pocket-sized notebook
Tag: Health
A NEW USE FOR AN OLD FRIEND…
Anyone who reads this blog or knows me personally knows that I am a big fan of keeping a journal. There are several reasons why. It is a great way to vent. It may be an easier way for someone who has trouble expressing their feelings. It is a great way to gain a little clarity when things seem overwhelming and confusing. All of these are true, but a friend of mine recently gave me a great idea of a new benefit you can gain from writing down your thoughts and feelings. Continue reading “A NEW USE FOR AN OLD FRIEND…”
RANDOM ACTS….
Ok, so a post about random acts of kindness on this blog is probably not shocking to anyone. That being the case however, let us look at what those acts can accomplish. First of all, the purpose of doing random acts of kindness is not to help ourselves, but to help others. Even when doing a selfless act though, we can’t help but to bring a little bit of joy to our own lives. A few examples both I have heard about and experienced personally are as follows. My friend told me about a time her father was just in a terrible car accident and her mother had called her up frantic asking her to leave her job and take her to the hospital. Well of course she left right away and picked up her mother, but as they were trying to merge onto the street which lead to the hospital traffic was at a standstill. Her mother frantic, she looking for a spot to squeeze in and worried about her father at the same time, her heart sank as she noticed traffic seemed to stretch for half a mile. Suddenly, and for no reason at all, a gentle man just stopped and let her merge in. She could hardly believe it and almost missed her chance, as the other motorists began honking their horns and this driver who dared make their wait even longer when clearly they had been waiting long enough already. There is no way that driver could have known where my friend was going and there certainly was no reason for him to let her in. He will probably never know how much he helped my friend and her mother that day.
Speaking of hospitals, my uncle recently suffered a very serious heart attack and i went to see him late in the evening at the hospital. I had started work at 7 that morning and this was around midnight. My aunt was extremely upset and things looked bleak. We stayed until about one, and when we left had honestly thought he would not make it until morning. Well as can happen in a situation like that, trying to capture the little sleep I could before work the next day, I planned to go right home. That is until I heard my gas warning go off. I pulled into the nearest station and filled up. Then, out of force of habit I asked to purchase a lottery ticket. The man asked if I knew it was almost 2am. I apologized and said I did not. This cashier at a gas station patted me on the shoulder and said looks like you had a rough night already, don’t worry about it. I simple compliment, but it did mean the world to me. Perhaps I should’ve expressed my gratitude, but I sure felt it and he may never know how much that meant.
My point today is this, you may never know that your small act of kindness may mean the world to someone else.
THINK…BACKWARDS…
So often I hear people say, “I’m in such a bad mood and I don’t even know why” I must confess to having felt that way before. This can be a rather perfect scenario for being happy. Now you may be wondering if I have completely lost my mind. While that has yet to be determined, at least let me explain my last statement. When it comes to adding more joy to your life, as with any worthwhile goal, one of the greatest challenges lies in just knowing how. Let’s face it, if there was a simple step by step plan to a happy life, wouldn’t we all follow it? One of the greatest challenges I have had in both putting together both this website and my book is people are different. What makes one person happy, well it may not work for the next person. So how can we discover what truly makes us happy and develop a formula to continually accomplish that? I have two suggestions and they are complete opposites and involve thinking backwards. Now before I loose everyone completely, let’s take a step back. Here is the first method. Even in the darkest of lives there are moments if not days when things just seem to be going your way. Think back have you ever had one of those days where you are just happy with the world? Here is a suggestion, try retracing your steps. What do I mean? Simple, start from how you are feeling and work back through your day. Perhaps you had completed a project you were working on? Maybe you brought a smile to the face of a friend or even a complete stranger. Maybe you just finished listening to one of your favorite songs on the radio, or working out. It will be different for everyone, and there may be a few things in there that just seem kind of crazy, but if they lead you to happiness…who cares! The point here is to look at what makes up a great day for you. Perhaps write them down on a list, or in a person journal (more on that in later in the week). Ok, so perhaps you haven’t had one of those days in a while? Maybe you can’t remember what made you so happy, or just want to enjoy the feeling without trying to figure it out. Fair enough. Even if you find yourself having a miserable day, it is cause to get excited! Why would feeling miserable be anything to be excited about you may ask. This is why, it works the same way as being happy. If you’re having a bad day, stop and think about all the things that transpired to bring you to that point. Make a list of those things too. Not only will you come up with a list of things you would do well to eliminate from your life, but if you look at the opposite of those things, you have the seeds for what will make you happy. So even knowing what you dislike can be a very healthy thing. If you were to say, I dislike all the negative people I run into. You will know limiting your exposure to negative people might be something you wish to work on. You may also phrase it as “adding more positive people to my life would make it better”. So as this week continues, try thinking backwards and form a plan for your own happiness. A plan that would be as unique as the person writing it!
FRIENDS…WITH BENEFITS…
To add to the list of great and quite often unexpected benefits of doing our best to live a positive rewarding life is often the things that seem to just show up in your life. Now of course there is some science as to how this happens. When you are focusing on the positive, quite often the things that are most positive seem to attract your attention. Perhaps you suddenly notice a beautiful garden you drive by every day on your way to work. Perhaps it is a beautiful painting that hangs in your favorite coffee shop. All these ‘fringe benefits’ continue to add joy to your life, but no area I think has been greater effected then that of the people in it. This was made very clear to me this afternoon as I shared a cup of coffee with someone for the first time. As we shared stories of each others lives and she gave me amazing ideas for my upcoming book, I was overwhelmed with how grateful I was to have such a wonderful person enter my life. So later as I was going over my notes from our discussion and working on the next chapter I reflected on how we came to know each other, and how I may discover more hidden gems in the vast sea of humanity. Well, here is how we met, and how living a positive life had a key role in that. One of the most important things you can do to assist you in keeping a positive attitude is to surround yourself with people who are positive. Now we may not get to choose our family, or our co-workers, but we can choose who we talk to and who we become friends with. As i mentioned earlier, once you’re focusing on the positive it seems to stand out everywhere. I couldn’t help but notice this young lady every time I bought a cup of coffee where she worked. She always had a smile and a kind word for everyone she helped. One of those people you just can’t help but smile after sharing a moment with them. So naturally when I began working on my book about living a positive life, she came to mind as someone who might have some great insight. I asked her if we could share a cup of coffee and perhaps I could ask her about her source of happiness and how she shares it with others. After having the chance to do just that, I not only gained a great insight in ways to become and remain positive, I also gained a dear friend. Upon reflection, since I began this journey in earnest about a year ago, I have noticed without much effort on my part, negative people have seemed to naturally fade from my life and I am continually introduced and surrounded by more and more positive people. Just another pleasant ‘side effect’ to look forward to as we make our way to a more positive and rewarding life!
FOCUSING ON THE DOT ON THE WALL
A few years back I went to see a counselor for some relationship issues I was having. Not sure how much it helped, but I do recall something she told me that I really found value in. It applies not only to relationships, but life in general. While listening to me discuss all the issues I felt were troubling the relationship, she said “I see what one of your greatest problems is”. The fact that I had just mentioned like three different things seemed not to matter. I was interested. If there was one issue that connected all of these things and by addressing that the relationship could improve on several different levels, well I was all ears. What she said next really confused me a bit. “You’re focusing on the problem too much”. I thought about that for a second. “How the hell can you solve a problem if you don’t focus on it” I thought. Imagining what I must be thinking she took me over to a wall across her office. She pointed and asked “Do you see that nail hole in that wall?” Well it took me a second, but I found it. She asked how bad it affected the wall. Well considering the wall was pretty big and the hole was small I answered not much. Move closer she told me. So I moved closer until I was mere inches from the hole. How does it look on the wall now? The point was fairly clear. Until she had pointed it out to me I really never even noticed it. Then when staring so close at it, the rest of the wall seemed hard to notice. It is focusing on solving the 10% instead of growing the 90%. How many of us do this? Not just in our relationships, but with our jobs, or our cars, or anything really. We seem to focus on what needs to be fixed or what we wish was better instead of appreciating all that is right. Now I am not advocating ignoring any issue or just pretending it doesn’t exist. Just that we must put things in their fair perspective. Problems are only a part of life. Some things are good, some things are not so good. Yet, as we discussed in the post on gratitude, it is important to give attention to that which is working. We may be mad at our spouse for something they said, but if we stop and think of all the nice things they have done or said we realize things are not that bad. Focusing on a challenge can often make that challenge seem bigger and more intimidating than it really is. So focus on a solution and everything that is working. Put your problems in their place. It will help you feel a lot better and make them a little easier to handle.
DAILY EXCITEMENT…
Yesterday we discussed having a ‘big picture’ idea to focus on. We also discussed how you can use both the time leading up to it to build excitement as well as the time following to enjoy all the memories. Today we are going to focus specifically on something you do daily. What is it you ask? That is a great question. Think, what is the one thing you look forward daily that brings you joy and helps make your life a little bit better? Do you take 10 minutes to yourself to enjoy a nice glass of wine and a few pages of a good book? Perhaps you race right from work to pick up the kids from school and then straight home to start dinner so there will be time for homework and still have everyone in bed at a somewhat decent hour. Throw in soccer practice or a Recital or two and just the thought of it makes you crave that glass of wine! Here is a little secret, we all need a daily joy ritual. Time may seem to short as it is, but ask your self one very important question. How long can you keep it up? We even give our cars a break every 3000 miles. I know lots of people I swear go more than that before they stop to take any time to themselves. What would happen to your car if you just kept driving it because you never had time to change the oil? Would it perform at it’s best? Of course not. Neither would we. Tempers become shorter and immune systems become run down. So what to do? Plan time for yourself. If this makes you feel even slightly guilty, think of it as your ‘oil change’. When you return you will be able to help those around you that much better. You may be asking “what can I really do in 5-10 minutes that will make a difference?”. I suggest some form of meditation. Now before you start picturing yourself in a complicated yoga pose, holding a lotus flower, let me reassure you there are plenty of forms of meditation. Even the western scientific world has started to acknowledge the benefits of meditation. Sharper focus, less stress, stronger immune system, more energy, better sleep. With all these benefits you might find yourself finding a little more than five minutes. Still not sure about this meditation thing? I suggest looking into a few books. I’ve read one full of relaxation techniques that only take a minute. Reading and research still sound a bit to stressful for you? There are tons of guided meditation cds and dvd’s you can purchase. Just push play and the rest is done for you. One of the best websites I recommend is brainsync.com they have a cd for almost any person interested in a moment to themselves. After all, with all that running around, don’t you deserve it? Ok, off to find my lotus flower
LIVE IN THE MOMENT…OR THEN AGAIN, MAYBE NOT..
One of the biggest obstacles to people living a happy life is they are never really in it. They either spend too much time regretting and reliving the past, or even worse, worrying and dreading what might happen in the future. I am a big fan of setting the past free, and not worrying about things that ‘might’ happen. I did find one interesting caveat to this theory. When we focus on ‘what is’ it becomes really hard to get to where we want to be. How many times have we said to ourselves “I really feel fat, I need to lose some weight” Only to find our efforts end in vain? Have you ever looked at a stack of bills thinking “I really have to get this budget under control” only to end up more in debt at the end of the next month? The reason for this and the solution is rather quite simple. I must confess it escaped me until earlier this evening. While spending time debating if my current job is for me and if I will be able to handle the upcoming challenges considering how overwhelmed I am already feeling, the answer came to me. I was focusing too much on what is! How could we ever expect to achieve weight loss when starting with feeling fat? You can not achieve financial well-being out of thoughts of poverty. Instead we should spend a good 5 to 10 minutes a day doing something most of us haven’t done since childhood. Daydream! That’s right put the power of our imagination to work for us instead of against us! When we were young we dreamed of all the great things we would do when we grew up. We pictured what our life would be like. Here is the important part, when we pictured that we were filled with all the excitement and emotion that we would feel when that situation came to pass. Then as we grew up our imagination changed. We wonder what will happen if I lose my job? How will I pay the bills? What will life be like looking for a job in this economy? We also fill it with all the feelings of worry and dread that go along with that situation. Either way we are drawing what we are picturing with such intense emotion into our life. So do yourself a favor, become a kid again! Imagine how it would feel to win the lottery. How it would feel if your job was thrilling and enjoyable. Picture it, but more important, feel it! Take yourself on a mini mental vacation. I would type more on this idea, but my flight to my mental vacation is boarding as we speak!
VIAGRA MADE ME HAPPY
As I was relaxing and watching some television the other night, the strangest commercial came on tv. normally I am not a huge fan of most of what you can find on TV. The content seems to fall short on positivity and inspiration because that really does not sell. So this ad came out of nowhere. It explained the power of a smile. Saying, “when you smile serotonin is released in the brain which is the feel good chemical” going on to further explain “In addition to making you feel good, when people witness a smile their brains also release the same chemical which causes them to feel good and yes, you guessed it, smile. So share a smile today it will do wonders” Now at this point in time I am half expecting a commercial for a dental office, or toothpaste. At the end of the commercial all they said was “This message was brought to you by the makers of Viagra” Now I am sure there are lots of moments when that very medicine makes lots of individuals and couples smile, but that was not quite what I expected. I tip my hat to the makers of Viagra for bringing a bit of inspiration, all be it unexpected, to my evening television viewing. I hope this post made you smile as much as the commercial did for me.
A BIRD WITH A FRENCH FRY
One of the greatest things about living a positive rewarding life is you are subconsciously attracting new joyous things into your life. In the world we are surrounded daily by both beauty and ugliness. What you choose to focus on is what you will notice. Of course there are certainly things we can do to surround ourselves with one more than the other. On my facebook page I subscribe to several inspirational and uplifting pages. Not only do they bring unexpected joy into my day, but quite often a bit more. Just the other day I saw a picture on one of these pages of a little bird and below it read “Happiness is a bird with a french fry” It created an instant and poignant visual. I think all of us have seen gulls in a parking lot having a field day with a few fries that may have escaped before their owners could consume them. I liked this phrase so much I decided to use it all that day. When people asked “how are you?” I would answer “Happier than a bird with a french fry” Not only did it make me smile, but in almost every case it made the other person smile as well. So this week, stop and think of an inspiring response for the question “How are you?” or maybe several. Try them out. Have fun with it. Enjoy and have a great week!
SECRET 2 AN AMAZING LIFE 