To add to the list of great and quite often unexpected benefits of doing our best to live a positive rewarding life is often the things that seem to just show up in your life. Now of course there is some science as to how this happens. When you are focusing on the positive, quite often the things that are most positive seem to attract your attention. Perhaps you suddenly notice a beautiful garden you drive by every day on your way to work. Perhaps it is a beautiful painting that hangs in your favorite coffee shop. All these ‘fringe benefits’ continue to add joy to your life, but no area I think has been greater effected then that of the people in it. This was made very clear to me this afternoon as I shared a cup of coffee with someone for the first time. As we shared stories of each others lives and she gave me amazing ideas for my upcoming book, I was overwhelmed with how grateful I was to have such a wonderful person enter my life. So later as I was going over my notes from our discussion and working on the next chapter I reflected on how we came to know each other, and how I may discover more hidden gems in the vast sea of humanity. Well, here is how we met, and how living a positive life had a key role in that. One of the most important things you can do to assist you in keeping a positive attitude is to surround yourself with people who are positive. Now we may not get to choose our family, or our co-workers, but we can choose who we talk to and who we become friends with. As i mentioned earlier, once you’re focusing on the positive it seems to stand out everywhere. I couldn’t help but notice this young lady every time I bought a cup of coffee where she worked. She always had a smile and a kind word for everyone she helped. One of those people you just can’t help but smile after sharing a moment with them. So naturally when I began working on my book about living a positive life, she came to mind as someone who might have some great insight. I asked her if we could share a cup of coffee and perhaps I could ask her about her source of happiness and how she shares it with others. After having the chance to do just that, I not only gained a great insight in ways to become and remain positive, I also gained a dear friend. Upon reflection, since I began this journey in earnest about a year ago, I have noticed without much effort on my part, negative people have seemed to naturally fade from my life and I am continually introduced and surrounded by more and more positive people. Just another pleasant ‘side effect’ to look forward to as we make our way to a more positive and rewarding life!
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KEEP AN OPEN MIND
Yesterday while listening to one of my favorite motivational speakers, Anthony Robbins, I heard him say something that made me understand why I seem to agree with much of what he says. He said that when you should listen to what makes sense to you and the rest say “Well that Tony Robbins he is just crazy”. It is refreshing to hear someone not profess to be ‘the answer’ or ‘the guru’. When I mention to someone I listen to him, or Wayne Dyer, or Joe Vitale or read “How to Win Friends and Influence People” or watch the secret, they always seem to stress what they do not like about that person, book, or whatever it may be. I’m here to tell you, expose yourself to as much material as you can. What makes no sense to one person may change the life of the next. Decide for yourself. Make good use of your public library, or better yet, find a friend who is also interested in improving themselves and their life. I am fortunate enough to have a few of those. In fact, one friend of mine meets me for lunch and we exchange books and ideas. If a person knows you it is like a second set of ears and eyes to look out for something that you may benefit from. Plus, when going through any transformation there are always bound to be challenges and it is great to have someone in your corner cheering you on. So take that class on self-hypnosis, pick up that book you’ve been meaning to try to listen to that motivational speaker your friend is raving about. Even if you only get one thing out of it, you have just improved your life that little bit more. Who knows you may just find what you need to take your life to that next level! So keep an open mind and have fun exploring.
MAKE A LIST…
One interesting issue that seems to develop as we grow older is our focus on our troubles instead our successes. Recently I saw a saying that read “Don’t focus on the 10% that is wrong and ignore the 90% that is right” I’m as guilty of this as anyone. You have one problem at work and that seems to be all you can focus on. One interesting way to combat this is to right now make a list of all the assets you have. Most people have more than they think. As this blog has grown I have met people who know about blogs, people who study the law of attraction, people who have contributed great ideas for living a positive life. I am often left in awe thinking “I didn’t know that about that person”. So I have formed a list. It also includes a list of people who make me smile when I am around them, movies that make me laugh, books that I enjoy reading. Like the ‘Happy CD’ in the post earlier, lists like this ideally should be made when we are in a good mood and can be amended as life shows us new and exciting blessings we never knew we had. Then, when life delivers us that ill-timed blow, we can pull out our list to find things we enjoy or to just appreciate how much we still have that is going right.
DAILY EXCITEMENT…
Yesterday we discussed having a ‘big picture’ idea to focus on. We also discussed how you can use both the time leading up to it to build excitement as well as the time following to enjoy all the memories. Today we are going to focus specifically on something you do daily. What is it you ask? That is a great question. Think, what is the one thing you look forward daily that brings you joy and helps make your life a little bit better? Do you take 10 minutes to yourself to enjoy a nice glass of wine and a few pages of a good book? Perhaps you race right from work to pick up the kids from school and then straight home to start dinner so there will be time for homework and still have everyone in bed at a somewhat decent hour. Throw in soccer practice or a Recital or two and just the thought of it makes you crave that glass of wine! Here is a little secret, we all need a daily joy ritual. Time may seem to short as it is, but ask your self one very important question. How long can you keep it up? We even give our cars a break every 3000 miles. I know lots of people I swear go more than that before they stop to take any time to themselves. What would happen to your car if you just kept driving it because you never had time to change the oil? Would it perform at it’s best? Of course not. Neither would we. Tempers become shorter and immune systems become run down. So what to do? Plan time for yourself. If this makes you feel even slightly guilty, think of it as your ‘oil change’. When you return you will be able to help those around you that much better. You may be asking “what can I really do in 5-10 minutes that will make a difference?”. I suggest some form of meditation. Now before you start picturing yourself in a complicated yoga pose, holding a lotus flower, let me reassure you there are plenty of forms of meditation. Even the western scientific world has started to acknowledge the benefits of meditation. Sharper focus, less stress, stronger immune system, more energy, better sleep. With all these benefits you might find yourself finding a little more than five minutes. Still not sure about this meditation thing? I suggest looking into a few books. I’ve read one full of relaxation techniques that only take a minute. Reading and research still sound a bit to stressful for you? There are tons of guided meditation cds and dvd’s you can purchase. Just push play and the rest is done for you. One of the best websites I recommend is brainsync.com they have a cd for almost any person interested in a moment to themselves. After all, with all that running around, don’t you deserve it? Ok, off to find my lotus flower
WHAT ARE YOU EXCITED ABOUT?
If you had to pause a minute to answer this, or worse yet, you have to answer ‘nothing’, we have a problem on our hands. Our days can be filled with one responsibility after another. Chores that have to be done. Deadlines that have to be met. People to meet, places to go as they say. Well, what keeps us going is having a little something to look forward to. I hear a lot of you responding “yeah friday, 5 o’clock” While the weekend is certainly fun, we can’t live our lives dreading 5 days and enjoying 2. No, I am talking about both big picture and daily. First let’s look at big picture. Plan a get away with a group of friends. Make it months down the road so you can work out vacation time and child care and any other needs that may arise. It need not be a trip to Vegas, although that can be fun. Even a weekend get away at a cabin in the woods with the girls or the guys can be a blast. Fun thing is, you can spend the days, weeks and months leading up to it doing fun things to get ready. Maybe taking out the sleeping bags to make sure they’re clean. Picking up a good bottle of wine to share. Anything that can get you excited. Plus, sharing with friends can keep all of you looking forward. How much more fun would that work meeting be if in the middle of it you receive a picture message of your favorite wine with a caption that reads “Here’s to next month” or a picture of a campfire with the words “don’t forget the marshmallows”. A female friend of mine even worked out with her husband to take the kids to a hotel with a water park while her and her girlfriends had an ‘adult sleep over’ for the evening. They all brought something and stayed up all night drinking wine, watching movies and laughing. As sad as it can be when it’s over, your left with fun memories and an eagerness to plan the next event. This also has the added bonus of strengthening friendships, or relationships if you do it with your spouse, and that can always add joy to our lives. So what are you waiting for? Get some friends, or your spouse together and start planing some fun!! Tomorrow we will discuss the daily aspect of this.
A SIMPLE THANK YOU…
In my quest to find amazing inspiring books to read I came across a real gem in the bargain section of the local book store just the other day. “A Simple Act of Gratitude” by John Kralik. This book is the story of a lawyer who finds himself in the worst stages of his life. Facing huge debt, a divorce and actually in the beginning of the book being lost. While searching for his way home from the trails of the Hollywood hills he is inspired to write a thank you note. Not to anyone specific, but he decides to write one thank you note a day for an entire year. Without ruining the book for you, he doesn’t quite make it, but what he learns about himself and others is truly amazing. Not to mention the effect is has on his life. Ask yourself, when was the last time you sent a thank you card? Even just a little note to show appreciation to someone who might have made your day? It may seem awkward at first, but trust me when I tell you it becomes rather fun once you get started. Just like the compliment post from a few days back, soon you will just find yourself in the habit of looking for something to be grateful for and someone to thank. When you are focused on being grateful for all you have it only brings more great things to you. Still not sold on the idea? I encourage you to take a look at this book. It may not only change your mind, but change your life.
THE POWER OF ONE…
I am a big fan of simple random acts of kindness. I am also a fan of surrounding myself with positive books, cds and other inspirational items to be enjoyed at any given moment. That is why I am happy to tell you about the book ‘The Power of One’ by Steve Maraboli. In this fabulous book there is simply 365 things to try to bring kindness to the world. Presumably one per day of the year. Of course you could do more than one a day, or do one a week. The important point here is that there are several good ideas for bringing kindness to others. If you are unable to find or afford this book, fear not, I am going to be sharing a few of these ideas in the coming days. I do recommend picking up a copy of you are able to as it is also sprinkled with great uplifting quotes and inspiration. The principle the book is based on is ‘one kind gesture, one person at a time, one day at a time’ It may seem like a small idea until you realize how many ‘ones’ you see every day. Imagine if every person you saw on any given day would do just one kind thing and you can begin to get an appreciation for the power of this idea. Speaking of ideas it may also be fun to form a list of your own ideas. Simple ideas of selfless kindness you can do for others. You’ll be amazed at the power of one, especially when you realize the one is you.
LOSS OF A LOVED ONE
There are times when living a positive life may seem impossible and may even need to be put on hold. When we must walk a balance of supporting others while shouldering our own share of the grief.
One of the most challenging moments we can have in our lives is the loss of a loved one. We look for anything and everything we can to heal the pain. It has been my experience that only time can do that. There are a few things that help keep my spirit going on when faced with such a situation. First, it is to cling to and remind those you are still fortunate enough to have in your life in the physical realm. Remind them how much you love them. Even better if given any opportunity show them. Remember too that it is only in the physical plain that you are separated. I am not here to speak to any after life or what one may believe, but our loved ones always live on in our hearts and in our memories. When my cousin was taken at the young age of 22 a few years ago right before christmas all of the other cousins, including myself and a few others who don’t even smoke, enjoyed one of his favorite cigars in his honor. Well this may sound silly to some I think it helped us all feel a little closer to him. Now, here is something I try to do that also really seems to help. Each one of us brings their own light into the world. I know my grandmother used to be the perfect hostess and loved playing card games with the rest of the family. When she passed away that left a hole in the family. To this day when the family is together I always try to make sure everyone has a cup of coffee or whatever they need. Not to mention I love playing card games with everyone. So be it a game of cards, or a terrific sense of humor, remember when we loose a loved one it is our duty, honor and privilege to let them live on by trying to keep the light they brought to the world burning, both in our hearts and for others to see.
dedicated to my dear friend Lory, you will always be missed and never be forgoten.
HOW DO I BEGIN??
Confession time. I have a terrible flaw. When beginning any project I tend to think ten steps in advance. I worry about what will happen months, sometimes years down the road. On several occasions this overwhelms me to the point I fail to even begin. On my road to self discovery I am learning to address and understand that as time goes on. In fact, had I not this blog would not exist. Which, some of you tell me would not be a good thing and I thank you for that.
The point of this confession? Is that I can understand when people tell me that in today’s world it just seems to difficult to achieve, much less maintain a positive outlook. What do they do about all the crabby people they encounter(more on that in another post) or how do they balance being informed without subjecting themselves to the negativity of their local paper or the evening news (also a subject to be addressed later this week) “It seems just to hard and hopeless I don’t even know where to begin” one lady recently told me. Well, thanks to some wise words from a dear old friend I was reminded of a great place that makes it fun and easy to start. One of my favorite books I have read in the last few years. Don’t worry for those of you who do not like to read it is also available on audio book. Even better, there is also a dvd! What is the title of this collection? “The Secret” I’m sure several of you have heard about it, and some of you may have not. personally if you can I recommend picking up all three as there is something to be gained from each different format. If you are not sure, or do not have the time or funds to dedicate to all three I strongly suggest starting with the movie. Imagine sitting down with a big bowl of popcorn, or your other favorite snack, putting in dvd, relaxing on your couch and in a mere two hours you can be on your way to beginning a more positive life. Now the movie is more about the law of attraction, but once you watch it you can see how close the topics of the law of attraction and living a positive life are connected. It also does a fine job of explaining why feeling good is so important and offers suggestions to help you to that end. I encourage you to watch it with at least one other person if you are able as it could become a fun and interesting conversation for years to follow. If you are unable to find a friend to watch it with you feel free to discuss it here with myself or other followers of this site as we are all here to help each other on the path.
THE FENCE
Here is a little story I read on-line that started me thinking on the importance of watching what we say to others. Not only is it a great story to share with children, but I think a few adults could benefit from it as well.
A young man was always losing his temper. Finally his mother had enough and told his father something had to be done. The father took the young man out to the back yard and told him, “son, every time you get upset I want you to pound a nail into this fence” Well, the son thought it was ridiculous, but agreed to give it a try. The first day he put six nails into the fence. By the end of the week he was down to three. After two weeks he was happy to report to his father he had not lost his temper one time that day and therefore had not put a single nail into the fence. “That’s great son.” said the father. “but we can’t have all these nails in this fence, so every time you do something kind for someone I want you to remove one nail” Well, merely one week later the son, feeling pretty proud of himself, had all the nails removed. His father stared at the fence with him, but did not seem as happy as the young man had hoped. “What’s wrong dad? I thought you would be proud of me?” asked the young boy. “Son I am proud of you, but remember whenever you lost your temper in anger you pounded a nail into the fence, that represented the hurt you inflicted on that person” “Yes dad, but then I did good things for people and I removed all those nails I put in!” Explained the son. “That’s true son” said the father. “Notice all the holes that were left in the fence. Even though you did good and tried to remove the hurt, a hole or memory of that hurt was still left behind. You need to remember once words are spoken in anger they cannot be unspoken, even by the kindest of deeds”
This story serves a good point. Haven’t we all been guilty of saying things in anger we wish we could take back? Haven’t we even went so far as to apologise to that person and try to make it up to them? I know I have. Think of the fence, however, and the emotional scars we leave behind that can never be forgotten. So let us work on being slow to anger and quick to praise. Once a nail is driven in, even if taken out, the hole will remain.
SECRET 2 AN AMAZING LIFE 