This is a line I hear in the beginning of the show Ghost Adventures which I must confess came to mind as I read my daily inspirational calendar. It simply said “Sit with it” like many bits of inspiration this one can be interpreted in many different ways. Here is the way I chose to take it. Many of us spend our entire lives running from things we find unpleasant. Are you guilty of this at all in your life? I know I am. A lot of us run from our fears. Run from our disappointments, run from our crazy family members. Ok, sometimes that last one might not be a bad idea. The point is if we run from things we often miss the lessons they may be trying to teach us or may continue to give them control over us. Fear for example, as long as we run from it we cannot be at peace with ourselves. It is out there. It is lurking it is scary. When we sit down with our fears for a cup of tea or in my case a rum and coke, and say look you scare the hell out of me, why is that? Why are clowns so terribly frightening? They are just circus performers in costumes right? Ok well I’m still working on that one. The point is here when we stop running we take back control of our lives, the future seems a lot more certain and we often gain a very valuable lesson. So ask yourself, “What am I always running from?” Are you going to let it continue to control you? Are you going to continue to miss the lesson it is trying to teach you? Instead of running from it, try what my calendar suggests and “Sit with it”. Now if you’ll excuse me I must pour a rum and coke for the clown and I.
Tag: Learning
WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE?
Yesterday we looked a bit at a conversation I had with a wonderful friend of mine. Today we are going to look a little more specifically at the issue she was having which very well might be an issue that you are dealing with as well. Yesterday we discussed what to do if you had an issue from your past that may be holding you back. We spoke briefly about guilt and regret which are two of the main past issues that affect people. Today we are going to look a little closer at her specific issue and what I recommended. This amazing young lady who has truly a heart of gold, was being poorly treated by several friends and even some members of her own family. She was trying her best to keep everyone happy, but their nasty behavior kept on. Sound familiar? We all have people who come into our life at some point, some who may have been in there our whole lives that mistreat us. The question is how can we not let the hurtful things they say and do affect us? In short the answer is you can’t. We are all human, we all have feelings. A point it always helps to remember when we are dealing with others as well. So if we can’t stop their arrows of hatred, jealousy and anger from piercing our hearts, what can we do? Ask ourselves the most important question “what does this all mean?” Sometimes the person we are dealing with is just having a tough time and maybe some issues we don’t even know about. It could be they are just unfairly taking it out on us. In this case although it hurts, it is a good opportunity to practice compassion and understanding. Another good question to ask ourselves is “What could possibly make someone act this way?” This is an especially good question to ask if this behavior is new. In this case we also have a chance to further practice our skills at politely asking people what does seem to be troubling them. Often times we may discover an issue we can either assist with or at least further understand the person we are dealing with. That act of caring can bring the relationship closer.
So what if we do all this investigating and compassion only to discover the person isn’t having a rough time, or dealing with an unforeseen issue? What if we discover their only issue is that they are an ass, what then? Great question! In fact, that happened to be one of the examples my friend gave me. She was fired from her job so the gentleman running the company could give a job to his mistress. Now on the outside she thought, and rightfully so, “How unfair is it that I work my butt off and this guy is cheating on his wife with this woman so I loose my job just so she can have one?” That is a fair question to ask, but it is not a very empowering one. If we asked what does this mean we could certainly come up with the answer that it means this man has lost morals and values his sexual gratification over a good employee. That is a true statement and may help us feel good…for the short-term. How can we use this to empower us more. This is why it may be important to revisit things that have happened to us that may have seemed ‘unfair’ at the time. I asked my friend if she really wanted to work for a gentleman with those kinds of moral standards. She replied no. I also asked her to share with me what happened to her after she left this job. She told me her very next job only lasted a short while, but in that time she was able to bring a lot of good to the life of a coworker who was struggling. The second job she had after that, which she currently holds. Allowed her to move out-of-state and be someone warm where she is considerably happy. These things would not have happened if her former boss had not let her go. Sometimes it is hard to understand why people do what they do or how we can benefit from it until far after the time it happens. Sometimes we may never understand but if we are always approaching life asking empowering questions and looking for ways to benefit and learn from every situation nine times out of ten we will. So don’t play the victim, play the master! Plus, trying to guess why other people do what they do is only slightly harder than guessing the winning lottery numbers.
A BETTER QUESTION….
Don’t ask what if I fail. You will. A better question is when I fail, then what? This may not seem to positive at first glance, telling you that you are going to fail and all. Still, failure is only absolute if we learn nothing from it. Believe me when I tell you I was as guilty as anyone of being afraid of failure. I was especially afraid to try new things for the fear I may fail. Then I realized that by being a slave to my fear I was failing to try. Plus, what is the worst thing about failing? People laughing at you? Well first of all that seldom happens, we all have failed and know what it is like. Feeling like a failure? This is something that happens internally. We must understand failure is a lesson. Instead of becoming depressed we must learn to become curious. Why did I not succeed? What can I learn from this experience? These questions actually give us power when we do fall short and give us valuable lessons to move us forward. In fact failure is one of the best teachers. So when you fail realize you just became smarter. Like a lot of other things in life, the secret is learning to use failure, not letting failure use you. So this weekend when things do not go your way, get excited! Ask yourself what you can learn to make your future brighter and to limit or eliminate this sort of challenge from occurring again.
DO IT FOR ME…
Have you ever found yourself facing a task that seems insurmountable? Ever have a day where it just seems all you do is learn lesson after lesson? Have you ever thought to yourself that on those days cloning might not be such a bad thing after all? That having ‘another you’ to do all the tough stuff in life, to experience all the rough times would be rather nice? I know I have. If there could be another Neil to go to work for me, If there could be another Neil to go to funerals, deliver bad news and all the other things that steals the sunshine from my life, boy that would be great! Now this comes from a person who will tell you that challenges form us into who we have become. That much like fire hardens steel, we are shaped and molded by the fires and trails of life. I know this and more importantly I truly believe this. Still, sometimes after you have just got into a fight with a friend or family matter, or you just found out you forgot to pay a bill on time we can all find ourselves thinking the same thing, “I know somehow I can learn and grow from this experience, but damn it sucks right now” Other times it can be hard to see how all these challenges serve us. Well I recently heard a quote from the amazing Jim Rohn, a late, great motivation speaker and author. He said “Nobody can do your push ups for you” Think about that for a moment, no matter how much money, how much power you have you can not have someone else work out for you and suddenly you are in shape. They could go to the gym, you could watch them sweat, you could even have them give you every detail of the experience, but still they are going to be the ones who benefit because they were the ones who put in the effort. As a payoff they will be the ones with lower stress levels, healthier immune systems, and less risk of injury. Although working out is an excellent example it is not the only area that this holds true in. Every struggle we make it through, every challenge we face is ‘adding muscle’ to our character. It is strengthening our spiritual fortitude. People could tell us about their struggles and their challenges, and we can even learn from them and benefit from knowing how they handled it. Still they will be the ones who could benefit the most from going through the event. So next time you find yourself asking “Why me?” or wishing science could come up with a clone for you, remember the powerful words from Mr. Rohn and repeat them to yourself or to anyone else lamenting their struggles. “Nobody can do your push ups for you”
IT JUST KEEPS GETTING BETTER!
Fill in the rest of this sentence “Wow I sure wish I was better at ___” For each one of us it could be a million different answers. When I was growing up I admired several different actors in the movies, singers in bands. I always thought “Man, if I could just be more like __” In your daily life how many times do you catch yourself saying this? Or at the very least thinking it? There are so many skills and traits that would be fun to master. Adding new skills and refining other skills and traits does a number of amazing things for us. First, as we discussed yesterday it makes us more valuable. If you can speak two languages you are more of an asset than a person who can only speak one. Also once you develop a new skill in will give you a much greater sense of accomplishment and an urge to do more. So the obvious question that becomes, “how do we learn these traits?” well certainly to some extent that would depend on the trait which you are trying to develop. With the advent of the internet and a library or bookstore in every city the resources are endless. Watch a movie on the subject. Listen to a cd from and expert. read a book or listen to an audio book. check out a website. The best part about this learning is it is nothing like the learning we experienced in school. This type of learning will be fun. We pick the subject, we pick the medium we learn best in. As we become closer to our goal and notice changes and bits of knowledge we are picking up we gain momentum! That is powerful. Gain enough momentum and you can push past limits you thought were out of sight. So decide what you would like to learn today. Something fun, something that excites you, something that stirs your passion and choose how you would like to learn about that subject. Just getting started will get the juices flowing as you continue on closer to your goal is just keeps getting better!
TRIAL AND ERROR
“My life has been based on trial and error. I finally paid attention during the trial, now I’m learning from my errors”
-Kari Hutton
Life, it always has its ups and downs. No matter how far along we are at creating the life of our dreams, there will always be challenges. Now this may seem depressing news, but it is quite the opposite. Challenges provide us a chance to grow. The are the seeds to great opportunity. You could never have the feeling without overcoming a challenge. The secret to making challenges work for you is what you do with them. When you find yourself in a troubling situation is your first feeling “Why me?” or how life is not fair? I’ll admit there are days I am as guilty as the next person of this. When we are faced with a situation that is not what we desire we can make it work for us. Even if it is completely out of our control, we can still have a victory if we ask ourselves “What can I learn from this?” If you say nothing, just think if you could learn something from it, what would it be? Maybe it is as simple as who will stand by you when the chips are down, or how you will react when faced with a tough time.
I have a friend who was recently sent to prison. She is a young single mother and for some serious life mistakes she faces over a year away from her family. Now she could simply focus on missing her son, or how her life is so far down the wrong path, but she is not. In fact, she is working on transforming her life while behind bars. She is beginning to explore things like the love of attraction and the power of positive thinking. She is working on educating herself in different fields and writing a book to help others who may be headed down the path she went to so that they may not make the same mistakes. Whenever I receive a letter from her it reminds me how much good can come out of a situation that seems so bad.
The moral is this. Sometimes life will suck. The two real secrets are as follows. First, how to reduce the times that happens. Second, how to make the most of it when it does. If you can do this your life will be a success. So this week as we are faced with challenges let us stop and ask ourselves “how can I make this work for me?”. Be a master of your life, not a victim.
WRITE IT DOWN…
There are often two great challenges in forming a more positive attitude and lifestyle. First, knowing what to change, much less how to change it. Second, keeping motivated in a negative world. A tool that goes a long way in addressing both of these concerns is a journal. If you kept a diary when you were younger you are familiar with the concept. A quick jot of your emotions on paper helps in so many ways. Not a fan of pen and paper? There are plenty of journaling software available. This idea was made popular by the TV show ‘sex in the city’. writing, or typing, your thoughts down helps in several ways. One, it helps with achieving clarity. Often when confused about what the right thing may be to do in a certain situation I journal about it. The answer doesn’t always jump out at me, but I usually leave knowing a little bit better where I stand. Two, it also helps see where negativity may be creeping in and what subjects you may not have the most pleasant outlook on. Being that your journal is only intended to be read by you, feel free to be completely honest and you may discover what is holding you back from living life in a more positively passionate way, and how best to move forward. Third, if you are a fan of going back and reading what you have written days, weeks, months or even years earlier it can be a great way to see how far you have come. I must confess this is not a practice I often do, but when I do it seems comical to see what I may have considered an impossible problem 6 months ago that I may have forgotten about already. It also helps me see how much more positive I have become or warns me that I may not be as positive as I should be. Trust me when I tell you a journal can be the kindest and cheapest therapist you will ever Love.
SECRET 2 AN AMAZING LIFE 