Funny how a lot of things come full circle. I started writing blog posts for an online paper called ‘The Patch’ a few years back. One of the first stories I did was about a lady who was a regular visitor to the local coffee shop in the village I was working in. It has been two years since the post office has seen fit to move me to a different location. This past Saturday I was filling in at that very station again. I decided to stop by the coffee shop to see a good friend of mine who usually works there on Saturdays. Turns out she was off, but I did run into the very lady I had written a post about two years ago. If you did not follow me a few years ago let me recap the story of this lady and if you did let me update you on where life finds her at this time. Her name is Michelle. She is a middle aged woman of a smaller stature. She is a mentally challenged individual who does not drive, is unable to hold down a “real job”. She lived with her parents as she was unable to survive on her own. Every day I would see her walking up and down the streets of the little village whether the temperature was 90 degrees or 9 degrees. Finally one day our paths crossed while I was on lunch and I asked her what she was doing walking up and down the streets. Her answer was simple, yet powerful and blew me away. “Looking for people who need help” she told me. I must have had a look that bordered between surprise and confusion. Sensing I wasn’t totally grasping what she meant she went on to explain. “I know I am not the smartest person in the world, but God has given me the mission of helping people” She went on to explain that when she finds someone who is down on her luck she will sit and pray with them. Knowing how uncomfortable that can make some people I asked her if anyone had ever objected and if so what did she do. She said some people tell her to leave them alone or that they are not interested. She told me she then continues on and as she does prays for them. As she explained to me “they don’t have to know I am praying for them to have it help them”. I couldn’t help but thinking if I offered somebody emotional support and they told me to leave them alone would my first reaction be to pray for them? She left me by saying a prayer for me right there in the coffee shop. Although her faith and mine are not exactly the same I was struck by the power of her faith and her public display of it as well as her love of her fellow humans on this planet. So here I was two years later and I asked her what was new in her world. She explained to me that her parents had passed away and she had to move to a different city with a caregiver. She informed me that she had joined a new church in that area and volunteered in several different groups. She also said that at least twice a month she had her caregiver drop her off in that same village so she could “check on everyone” I was struck by a few points here. This lady is somebody that our society has deemed unfit to even hold a job, much less live on their own. She is faced with daily challenges I cannot even begin to imagine. If she were to fall on a path of drug abuse or homelessness nobody could blame her. Still this woman who some would say was barely able to help herself has devoted her life to helping others in any way she can. Do the rest of us follow the same path or do we complain about every little thing that is not going according to plan in our lives? This week it is time to look for opportunities to help others. To make a difference. If a middle-aged woman with limited means and mental ability can use her amazingly large heart to bring such an amazing difference why can’t you and I?
Tag: God
A WHOLE MONTH OF IT!
We find ourselves in the month of November. Here is the USA we celebrate the holiday of Thanksgiving. Although I am no fan of cold weather I am a big fan of a holiday dedicated to reflecting on all we have to be grateful for. I have seen something happening on facebook that I would love to encourage all of us to do. A few of my friends have decided to post one thing a day that they are grateful for. If you have followed this blog for any length of time you know I am a big fan of creating lists. Lists of things that make us happy, lists of our favorite people, or a list of things to be grateful for. The problem with lists if twofold. First, it seems like a project to some people. Sitting down and having to come up with ten or twenty things can seem so daunting that many just skip it all together. Second, once the list is complete the process is over. Unless you look at the list every day it may escape your thoughts all together. By just picking one thing a day for a month not only is it not so overwhelming, but daily you are focused on maintaining an attitude of gratitude. Now I realize we are already at the fourth of the month, but that should not matter. We can go for 26 days or until the fourth of December. Just try this simple thing for 30 days. Whether you share it on Facebook, or simply write it down in a notebook be sure to follow your thought with a concrete action. Maybe a special section in your journal. After 30 days it will be exciting to notice the change in your life. Not only that, but you will now have created that list of thirty things you have to be grateful for. Gratitude is a powerful emotion. It displaces fear. You cannot be fearful while you are feeling grateful. It replaces sadness. You cannot feel sad while you are feeling grateful. So keep your list handy for a day when the blues come a calling. Second you will find yourself searching your life for things to be grateful for that you can pick as your daily item. By doing this you will have trained your brain to develop a grateful attitude. So why not try it. It takes all of 60 seconds a day of thinking and writing and can change your life for the better. How much easier and more powerful can we make it?
IT MAY NOT BE YOU…
“Sometimes it is not all about you”
-Kaylene
My friend Kaylene told me this once and I must confess it took me quite some time to appreciate the full value of this statement. She said “Neil, sometimes it is not all about you”. My first reaction was what the hell are you talking about? I’m telling you about a problem that I have, of course it is all about me! The truth of what she was trying to say is we never really know the full extent of all the variables in the situation. If we offer a friend some gentle constructive criticism and they explode, you may leave thinking “was I do tough in my review?” “what did I say wrong” Truth is your friend may have very well appreciated your honesty, but maybe they had just been yelled at by their spouse for the same thing. Maybe it is a subject they are very sensitive on that you never knew. Truth is their anger may have little or nothing to do with you. If you respond with a harsh statement yourself such as “Don’t be a jerk, I was just trying to help you” it may damage the friendship beyond repair. Even when being left by a lover, or being dismissed from a job, we must remember it may not mean we are a bad lover or employee. If you know you have given your best and it still hasn’t worked out, remember there are lots of other factors we must consider. Try as we might we cannot control as much of the outside aspect of our lives as we may desire to do. So when life seems to be handing you more lemons than you could ever make into lemonade just remember, “It’s not all about me” This also works on the flip side. When you succeed in any endeavor it is seldom all about you as well. Sure feel proud, as you should. Just be sure to give thanks, even if only internally, to all those who may have taught or supported you. Take your fair share of responsibility but remember as my wise Aussie friend says, “Sometimes it is not all about you”
valuable treasure
“Just because a treasure is not valued, does not make that treasure less valuable.”
-Neil Panosian
Ok, yes I did it. I just quoted myself. Am I having a fit of narcissism? Am I running dangerously low on material? The answer to both is no. If you do have any other ideas you would like to add to the secret2anamazinglife website please feel free to let me know. This is just one of those statements that came out of my mouth once and I had to take a step back and go “Wow, that is so true!” Let me explain the meaning behind the quote. Quite often if we lose a lover, a friend or a job our very first question may be “what is wrong with me?” That is not always a bad thing as it helps us look at our role in the situation. Were we not attentive enough lover? Did we take our friends for granted? Did we not do our best at our job? These are all good questions, but there is something more to remember. Sometimes we have done nothing wrong. Here is my honest opinion, each one of us is a treasure. Not only because you are spending your valuable time reading all these words I write, but you are either doing so because you are genuinely interested in discovering ways to improve your life or you are a really good friend of mine who is just that supportive. Either way, you are amazing. When you “fail” in a situation and you start to feel a little shine has been taken off your apple, remember two very important things. One, the shine on apples is usually from a wax that is put on so you are better off without it. More importantly, maybe everybody was full. What do I mean by that? Let’s use another analogy. When you think of treasure what do you picture? Jewels? Diamonds? Gold? We are each diamonds to the world in our own way. Very valuable, priceless. People pay their life’s savings for diamonds, yet what good would a diamond be to a starving man on a deserted island? Sometimes our treasure is just not as valuable to the situation. Other times the other person can’t understand the true value of the treasure. If you showed a diamond to a baby they would appreciate it no more than any other sparkling object. So when someone doesn’t appreciate the treasure that is you, just remember it doesn’t make you any less valuable, They may just not know any better like the baby. Take your shining diamond somewhere it will be appreciated for its full value. You are all treasures my friends!
KEEP STUMBLING
If you aren’t stumbling you aren’t moving forward. This was the exact thought I shared with a friend who was dismayed at her attempts to get over a bad relationship and move forward. It was only after our conversation I realized the true power of what I had said. Think of any situation in life. Learning to play an instrument, starting a new job, all the way down to when we did first learn to walk. Did you just start slow and keep getting better? How did you get better? In every situation there was some stumbling, either literally in the last example or figuratively in the first two. By making mistakes we are moving forward. I often learn the most about people after we have a disagreement about something. I also learn the most and remember the best after I make a big mistake. Think of some of the most physical or emotionally painful things that have happened to you. There are usually followed by the phrase “I’ll never do that again”. To our credit, most of us don’t, with the glaring exception of celebrating too much on a Friday night. The truth is, quite often the more painful the lesson, the more powerful the lesson. Whenever we are trying to accomplish something great we will always suffer some measure of defeat. The ones who accomplish greatness are the ones who don’t let it stop them. So next time you catch yourself stumbling remember at least you are moving forward. It is not possible to stumble while standing still.
A DIFFERENT KIND OF PRAYER…
Yesterday we spoke of challenges and seeing them as opportunities. Let me tell you, I sure got some practice at that today. Life is an amazing practice ground for maintaining a positive lifestyle. In addition to all things at my job at the post office. I discovered my aunt had lost her job and my uncle who is recovering from a serious injury may have taken a step back at least emotionally. In fact, it may even be affecting his relationship with his wife. Now, all these things are stressful. Most of them are either completely out of my control or involve the variable of other people and their personalities. So while speaking with my mother about this and hearing some of the challenges she encountered today we found ourselves discussing all the things and people we were concerned about. In this case ‘concern’ could be a quick replacement for worry. Well I am a firm believer in the law of attraction and focusing on other people’s problems, even if it is with the intent to solve them just sends more negative energy to the situation. It was then I remembered an idea I had read in a book I just finished. When there is a person with a problem, be it you or someone you care about, instead of focusing on their problem I have a solution that will not only help them I believe but it will feel better for you. In fact, I would go so far as to say it would feel good. That is exactly what I am talking about here. Say we are worried about a person who lost a job. Instead of focusing on how they must be worried about being able to pay the bills, and how hard it is to find a job, do something a bit more constructive. Close your eyes and picture that person in a job they enjoy being paid a decent wage. Feel their happiness and send them your happiness as well. Then, and this is very important, feel gratitude for that situation turning out for everyone’s good. Really feel it. Do this every time worry rears its ugly head. It won’t be easy, but it will make you feel better. If this is for somebody else and you think they would be receptive, encourage them to do the same. Then calmly keep your eyes open for that job. It can work with an illness too. Picture the person, or yourself, healthy. Don’t say “I’m thankful that illness is gone” instead say “I am thankful to see Kim healthy and happy” or Bob or Tom or…well you get the idea. The important thing here is the emotion. Really feel the joy, really feel the gratitude. You will feel better and you will be sending a lot better energy out to the world. Will it work? I believe it will. Not to mention it will feel a lot better than worry. Oh and if you want to be happy and grateful for my new-found wealth I would be ok with that too. Stay positive and stay grateful my friends!
TRIAL AND ERROR
“My life has been based on trial and error. I finally paid attention during the trial, now I’m learning from my errors”
-Kari Hutton
Life, it always has its ups and downs. No matter how far along we are at creating the life of our dreams, there will always be challenges. Now this may seem depressing news, but it is quite the opposite. Challenges provide us a chance to grow. The are the seeds to great opportunity. You could never have the feeling without overcoming a challenge. The secret to making challenges work for you is what you do with them. When you find yourself in a troubling situation is your first feeling “Why me?” or how life is not fair? I’ll admit there are days I am as guilty as the next person of this. When we are faced with a situation that is not what we desire we can make it work for us. Even if it is completely out of our control, we can still have a victory if we ask ourselves “What can I learn from this?” If you say nothing, just think if you could learn something from it, what would it be? Maybe it is as simple as who will stand by you when the chips are down, or how you will react when faced with a tough time.
I have a friend who was recently sent to prison. She is a young single mother and for some serious life mistakes she faces over a year away from her family. Now she could simply focus on missing her son, or how her life is so far down the wrong path, but she is not. In fact, she is working on transforming her life while behind bars. She is beginning to explore things like the love of attraction and the power of positive thinking. She is working on educating herself in different fields and writing a book to help others who may be headed down the path she went to so that they may not make the same mistakes. Whenever I receive a letter from her it reminds me how much good can come out of a situation that seems so bad.
The moral is this. Sometimes life will suck. The two real secrets are as follows. First, how to reduce the times that happens. Second, how to make the most of it when it does. If you can do this your life will be a success. So this week as we are faced with challenges let us stop and ask ourselves “how can I make this work for me?”. Be a master of your life, not a victim.
A PART OF THE SOLUTION…
Working with the public both at the Post Office and at the bar I find myself mixed up in many different conversations. Most very intriguing and interesting, but some rather negative and not so pleasing. How many times have you found yourself telling someone about the job you applied for only to hear a 30 minute lesson on how bad the economy is? Now the reality of the financial state of things is interesting. Whenever we complain about something or just talk about ‘how bad it is’ not only do we leave feeling upset which does not help our personal situation, but we also give energy to the very situation we are lamenting. Perhaps you are wondering how can my opinion really effect change halfway around the world? The best analogy I have heard to explain this is place a drop of red ink in a glass of water. As hard as you may try it cannot stay separate. This is how our energy affects the world. The ink will certainly not make the whole glass red, but it will, without a doubt, change the chemical make up. Now imagine dropping three or four drops. Now maybe 10 or 20. You can see how a group of people standing around gossiping or complaining can really put a lot of negative energy out into the world. So what to do about it? Let’s face it at some point in time we are going to find ourselves wrapped up in one of these conversations. Here is 3 things we can do at that point. One, change the conversation to something more positive, or if that is unable to happen excuse yourself and walk away. Two, begin to develop ‘positive gossip sessions’ ask a group of friends or coworkers what their favorite place to go on vacation, or favorite childhood memory. Just keep the talk positive. Start throwing some good energy out there. Lastly, make a point to surround yourself with as many people who have positive attitudes as you can. I had lunch with my good friend Jamie the other day and even in discussing events that many would perceive as negative, she managed to find the positive side of them. These people are worth their weight in gold. Try to schedule as much time with them as you reasonably can. Better yet, try to be one of them yourself. You will be amazed at how much better you will feel and how much better your life and the world around you will seem!
YOU ARE A SUPER HERO…YES YOU!!
We have all heard the story a million times. An ordinary person rises from the ashes to become a hero, saving the day. It happens almost daily in sports. We’ve seen it in the movies. We have read about it in classic literature. How are these people different from us and what secret weapon do they use? First the good news, these people are fundamentally no different from you and I. I say fundamentally because is essence we are all the same, human. Now it is understood that some people have certain obstacles and some people have certain advantages. That was discussed in an earlier post. For the most part however, we basically all start out the same. Ok, so if we are all the same how come some people rise so above the crowd and some just trudge through life on a daily basis? Here is the secret. The heroes among us have two traits that the ‘average’ person does not have, vision and faith. Now I want you to take a moment and a really think about those two words. We will approach them separately in the days to come, but for now just think about them. Vision, we must know where we are going and the end result we are aiming for. This can be amended as we grow as individuals, but we must have an aiming point to begin. persistance, as Earl Nightengale once said, is just another word for faith. If we didn’t have faith we wouldn’t persist. It is the absolute knowing you are going to arrive where you set your mind to be. So what about all those times you have set a goal, tried and failed miserably? Truth is the only true failure is giving up. If you have faith and suddenly you are confronted with what appears to be a let down, you will know it is either a lesson to be learned or an opportunity to grow stronger. The best way to describe this would be the stories of two people I consider heroes.
First, my friend Shannon started an online group of people she wished to share her journey towards a healthier lifestyle with. At first it seemed only she and a few select others would have anything to offer to the group. Although a bit dismayed, Shannon’s passion and commitment to share what she learned persevered. Slowly, but surely people began to comment, ask questions and share their experiences. Personally I have received meal ideas, work out tips and even a few new friends through this group. In fact, as of the creation of this post I cannot go a day without interacting with someone from that group. Shannon’s vision in sharing a healthy lifestyle and all its rewards and challenges with her friends has changed the lives of countless people for the better and made her a hero.
Next there is my friend Cari. She had faced some serious personal challenges. Some of which would cause a lesser person to give up on living a rewarding life. Not this lady. Cari developed a vision of using her struggles to help people going through the same thing. This sounds easy enough, but how many of us really act on it? Cari, with the help of her church, formed a class to mentor people. They announced it, she prepared lessons, and…nobody came. She found herself a little dismayed, but her faith as to the job put on her by her creator made her dust herself off and try again. She began simply talking to people, some of them began approaching her asking for advice. She is currently developing new and amazing ways to inspire and assist people all while still healing her own life. That, my friends, is a hero.
So develop your vision. I don’t care if you are 12 or 112! Decide now what it is you would like to do with your life and begin to develop the passion and faith to make a difference. Truth is, we all have a super hero inside of us. Especially you.
LIVE IN THE MOMENT…OR THEN AGAIN, MAYBE NOT..
One of the biggest obstacles to people living a happy life is they are never really in it. They either spend too much time regretting and reliving the past, or even worse, worrying and dreading what might happen in the future. I am a big fan of setting the past free, and not worrying about things that ‘might’ happen. I did find one interesting caveat to this theory. When we focus on ‘what is’ it becomes really hard to get to where we want to be. How many times have we said to ourselves “I really feel fat, I need to lose some weight” Only to find our efforts end in vain? Have you ever looked at a stack of bills thinking “I really have to get this budget under control” only to end up more in debt at the end of the next month? The reason for this and the solution is rather quite simple. I must confess it escaped me until earlier this evening. While spending time debating if my current job is for me and if I will be able to handle the upcoming challenges considering how overwhelmed I am already feeling, the answer came to me. I was focusing too much on what is! How could we ever expect to achieve weight loss when starting with feeling fat? You can not achieve financial well-being out of thoughts of poverty. Instead we should spend a good 5 to 10 minutes a day doing something most of us haven’t done since childhood. Daydream! That’s right put the power of our imagination to work for us instead of against us! When we were young we dreamed of all the great things we would do when we grew up. We pictured what our life would be like. Here is the important part, when we pictured that we were filled with all the excitement and emotion that we would feel when that situation came to pass. Then as we grew up our imagination changed. We wonder what will happen if I lose my job? How will I pay the bills? What will life be like looking for a job in this economy? We also fill it with all the feelings of worry and dread that go along with that situation. Either way we are drawing what we are picturing with such intense emotion into our life. So do yourself a favor, become a kid again! Imagine how it would feel to win the lottery. How it would feel if your job was thrilling and enjoyable. Picture it, but more important, feel it! Take yourself on a mini mental vacation. I would type more on this idea, but my flight to my mental vacation is boarding as we speak!
SECRET 2 AN AMAZING LIFE 