One interesting issue that seems to develop as we grow older is our focus on our troubles instead our successes. Recently I saw a saying that read “Don’t focus on the 10% that is wrong and ignore the 90% that is right” I’m as guilty of this as anyone. You have one problem at work and that seems to be all you can focus on. One interesting way to combat this is to right now make a list of all the assets you have. Most people have more than they think. As this blog has grown I have met people who know about blogs, people who study the law of attraction, people who have contributed great ideas for living a positive life. I am often left in awe thinking “I didn’t know that about that person”. So I have formed a list. It also includes a list of people who make me smile when I am around them, movies that make me laugh, books that I enjoy reading. Like the ‘Happy CD’ in the post earlier, lists like this ideally should be made when we are in a good mood and can be amended as life shows us new and exciting blessings we never knew we had. Then, when life delivers us that ill-timed blow, we can pull out our list to find things we enjoy or to just appreciate how much we still have that is going right.
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WHAT ARE YOU EXCITED ABOUT?
If you had to pause a minute to answer this, or worse yet, you have to answer ‘nothing’, we have a problem on our hands. Our days can be filled with one responsibility after another. Chores that have to be done. Deadlines that have to be met. People to meet, places to go as they say. Well, what keeps us going is having a little something to look forward to. I hear a lot of you responding “yeah friday, 5 o’clock” While the weekend is certainly fun, we can’t live our lives dreading 5 days and enjoying 2. No, I am talking about both big picture and daily. First let’s look at big picture. Plan a get away with a group of friends. Make it months down the road so you can work out vacation time and child care and any other needs that may arise. It need not be a trip to Vegas, although that can be fun. Even a weekend get away at a cabin in the woods with the girls or the guys can be a blast. Fun thing is, you can spend the days, weeks and months leading up to it doing fun things to get ready. Maybe taking out the sleeping bags to make sure they’re clean. Picking up a good bottle of wine to share. Anything that can get you excited. Plus, sharing with friends can keep all of you looking forward. How much more fun would that work meeting be if in the middle of it you receive a picture message of your favorite wine with a caption that reads “Here’s to next month” or a picture of a campfire with the words “don’t forget the marshmallows”. A female friend of mine even worked out with her husband to take the kids to a hotel with a water park while her and her girlfriends had an ‘adult sleep over’ for the evening. They all brought something and stayed up all night drinking wine, watching movies and laughing. As sad as it can be when it’s over, your left with fun memories and an eagerness to plan the next event. This also has the added bonus of strengthening friendships, or relationships if you do it with your spouse, and that can always add joy to our lives. So what are you waiting for? Get some friends, or your spouse together and start planing some fun!! Tomorrow we will discuss the daily aspect of this.
LIVE IN THE MOMENT…OR THEN AGAIN, MAYBE NOT..
One of the biggest obstacles to people living a happy life is they are never really in it. They either spend too much time regretting and reliving the past, or even worse, worrying and dreading what might happen in the future. I am a big fan of setting the past free, and not worrying about things that ‘might’ happen. I did find one interesting caveat to this theory. When we focus on ‘what is’ it becomes really hard to get to where we want to be. How many times have we said to ourselves “I really feel fat, I need to lose some weight” Only to find our efforts end in vain? Have you ever looked at a stack of bills thinking “I really have to get this budget under control” only to end up more in debt at the end of the next month? The reason for this and the solution is rather quite simple. I must confess it escaped me until earlier this evening. While spending time debating if my current job is for me and if I will be able to handle the upcoming challenges considering how overwhelmed I am already feeling, the answer came to me. I was focusing too much on what is! How could we ever expect to achieve weight loss when starting with feeling fat? You can not achieve financial well-being out of thoughts of poverty. Instead we should spend a good 5 to 10 minutes a day doing something most of us haven’t done since childhood. Daydream! That’s right put the power of our imagination to work for us instead of against us! When we were young we dreamed of all the great things we would do when we grew up. We pictured what our life would be like. Here is the important part, when we pictured that we were filled with all the excitement and emotion that we would feel when that situation came to pass. Then as we grew up our imagination changed. We wonder what will happen if I lose my job? How will I pay the bills? What will life be like looking for a job in this economy? We also fill it with all the feelings of worry and dread that go along with that situation. Either way we are drawing what we are picturing with such intense emotion into our life. So do yourself a favor, become a kid again! Imagine how it would feel to win the lottery. How it would feel if your job was thrilling and enjoyable. Picture it, but more important, feel it! Take yourself on a mini mental vacation. I would type more on this idea, but my flight to my mental vacation is boarding as we speak!
VIAGRA MADE ME HAPPY
As I was relaxing and watching some television the other night, the strangest commercial came on tv. normally I am not a huge fan of most of what you can find on TV. The content seems to fall short on positivity and inspiration because that really does not sell. So this ad came out of nowhere. It explained the power of a smile. Saying, “when you smile serotonin is released in the brain which is the feel good chemical” going on to further explain “In addition to making you feel good, when people witness a smile their brains also release the same chemical which causes them to feel good and yes, you guessed it, smile. So share a smile today it will do wonders” Now at this point in time I am half expecting a commercial for a dental office, or toothpaste. At the end of the commercial all they said was “This message was brought to you by the makers of Viagra” Now I am sure there are lots of moments when that very medicine makes lots of individuals and couples smile, but that was not quite what I expected. I tip my hat to the makers of Viagra for bringing a bit of inspiration, all be it unexpected, to my evening television viewing. I hope this post made you smile as much as the commercial did for me.
ANOTHER TRAGIC REMINDER
There are a lot of people who tell me “I have to focus on my finances once they are under control then I will be happy” or “boy if I was only famous like all those rich celebrities, then I would be happy all the time” Well with the untimely suicide of country star Mindy McCready we are once again reminded that Happiness is far more valuable than money. Which is why when considering investments, we should consider investing in ourselves and our own mental well-being first and foremost. Why is being happy now so important? If you won the lottery tomorrow you still would have challenges and quite often the same mental outlook just about how the lawn looks in front of the mansion instead of how it looks in front of the building that houses your 1 bedroom loft apartment. So let us see the best in what we have, so that by law we may receive even better. Let us invest in the fund with the biggest return, ourselves and our own happiness.
A SIMPLE THANK YOU…
In my quest to find amazing inspiring books to read I came across a real gem in the bargain section of the local book store just the other day. “A Simple Act of Gratitude” by John Kralik. This book is the story of a lawyer who finds himself in the worst stages of his life. Facing huge debt, a divorce and actually in the beginning of the book being lost. While searching for his way home from the trails of the Hollywood hills he is inspired to write a thank you note. Not to anyone specific, but he decides to write one thank you note a day for an entire year. Without ruining the book for you, he doesn’t quite make it, but what he learns about himself and others is truly amazing. Not to mention the effect is has on his life. Ask yourself, when was the last time you sent a thank you card? Even just a little note to show appreciation to someone who might have made your day? It may seem awkward at first, but trust me when I tell you it becomes rather fun once you get started. Just like the compliment post from a few days back, soon you will just find yourself in the habit of looking for something to be grateful for and someone to thank. When you are focused on being grateful for all you have it only brings more great things to you. Still not sold on the idea? I encourage you to take a look at this book. It may not only change your mind, but change your life.
WRITE IT DOWN…
There are often two great challenges in forming a more positive attitude and lifestyle. First, knowing what to change, much less how to change it. Second, keeping motivated in a negative world. A tool that goes a long way in addressing both of these concerns is a journal. If you kept a diary when you were younger you are familiar with the concept. A quick jot of your emotions on paper helps in so many ways. Not a fan of pen and paper? There are plenty of journaling software available. This idea was made popular by the TV show ‘sex in the city’. writing, or typing, your thoughts down helps in several ways. One, it helps with achieving clarity. Often when confused about what the right thing may be to do in a certain situation I journal about it. The answer doesn’t always jump out at me, but I usually leave knowing a little bit better where I stand. Two, it also helps see where negativity may be creeping in and what subjects you may not have the most pleasant outlook on. Being that your journal is only intended to be read by you, feel free to be completely honest and you may discover what is holding you back from living life in a more positively passionate way, and how best to move forward. Third, if you are a fan of going back and reading what you have written days, weeks, months or even years earlier it can be a great way to see how far you have come. I must confess this is not a practice I often do, but when I do it seems comical to see what I may have considered an impossible problem 6 months ago that I may have forgotten about already. It also helps me see how much more positive I have become or warns me that I may not be as positive as I should be. Trust me when I tell you a journal can be the kindest and cheapest therapist you will ever Love.
THE POWER OF ONE…
I am a big fan of simple random acts of kindness. I am also a fan of surrounding myself with positive books, cds and other inspirational items to be enjoyed at any given moment. That is why I am happy to tell you about the book ‘The Power of One’ by Steve Maraboli. In this fabulous book there is simply 365 things to try to bring kindness to the world. Presumably one per day of the year. Of course you could do more than one a day, or do one a week. The important point here is that there are several good ideas for bringing kindness to others. If you are unable to find or afford this book, fear not, I am going to be sharing a few of these ideas in the coming days. I do recommend picking up a copy of you are able to as it is also sprinkled with great uplifting quotes and inspiration. The principle the book is based on is ‘one kind gesture, one person at a time, one day at a time’ It may seem like a small idea until you realize how many ‘ones’ you see every day. Imagine if every person you saw on any given day would do just one kind thing and you can begin to get an appreciation for the power of this idea. Speaking of ideas it may also be fun to form a list of your own ideas. Simple ideas of selfless kindness you can do for others. You’ll be amazed at the power of one, especially when you realize the one is you.
REVEALING RICHES…
“The greatest good you can do for another is not just share your riches, but reveal to them their own”
-Benjamin Disraeli
This is another thing that I often do that not only helps put me in a positive frame of mine, but it rather quite fun as well. In addition to those two wonderful attributes, there are two other amazing things that happen when you start doing this. First, you brighten someone’s day by telling them what you find to be amazing about them. Second, by forming the habit of telling people what beauty you see inside them you also form the habit of looking for the best in everyone you meet. Often it is said that I “say nice things about everybody” and that to some extent is true. You see when I am in someone’s company, be it meeting an old friend for coffee or a customer at the bar or post office, I am immediately drawn to that which I like about them. Now please don’t get me wrong, I am not a fan of flattery. To me false praise is more insulting than saying nothing at all. Genuine compliments on a particular trait you find beautiful be it physical, personality or something entirely different not only brings a smile to the persons face but creates a bond between people that may otherwise never be realized. Just think of how nice it feels when people point out the best of your traits and you will know how loved and valuable you will make others feel when you do the same. So try it today. Try it on the barista who looks overwhelmed at the coffee shop in the morning, or cashier at the grocery store. Maybe a spouse or good friend as we often assume these people know what high regard we hold them in, and noticing what makes them special will only serve to deepen your friendship. No matter who, try it today and bring joy to both of your worlds.
CATCH A WAVE
Here is something I encourage everyone to try. Smile and wave at 3 random strangers every day for a week. If you are a bit nervous, you can try it while driving past them. In fact, that may be one of the best times. When we are on the road we see lots of hand gestures and not many are very positive. So I say give them a smile and a wave. Notice how it makes you feel as well. Who knows you just might make someones day. At the very worst, you’ll just leave them happy and a bit confused.
