Tag: success

ANOTHER BENEFIT OF FOCUS

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Yesterday we talked about the importance of focus. Here is a picture of me from last Friday. Why does me sitting in front of a DJ board have to do with focus? Just about everything. Let me explain. I normally DJ with my lovely lady who has been doing just such a thing for over 15 years. When something goes crazy, she knows what button to push, or what plug may be lose. On this evening she had to focus on her goal of creating designer cakes which is another one of her amazing talents. So there I was alone for the first time as a DJ. If I had focused on everything that could go wrong and how much I still have to learn that evening would have been a disaster, but I decided to focus on what I did have and what was working for me. The owner of the bar is also a DJ and could help if I needed. My lady was only a phone call away. The people that attend our shows are very understanding if I were to make a mistake.

When I tell people about looking at what is working instead of what is not I hear a lot of things about living in a fantasy world, or not admitting things are wrong. That is not at all what this is about. It is important to realize what is not working so you can be on the lookout for a solution. Just don’t live there. Once we know what is not right we can begin to work on making it right and begin to look for what is working. We do not have to focus on how terrible things are and what we lack, when all of us, no matter what our situation is, has so much. So is this a fantasy world? No. There is nothing less true about what is working than what is not.

This has more to do with feeling. Seeing what is both bad and good in any situation and choosing to focus on the good not only helps you feel better and enjoy your life more, but also helps you see solutions better and accomplish more. Why? Let me ask you when are you more productive when you are happy or when you are sad?

Here are two examples to prove this theory and an experiment you can try to prove this to yourself. Recently I dislocated my shoulder. I had to miss a few days of work. My job gave me a lot of grief. I have to ask for help doing the most basic activities. If I focus on this, which does happen on occasion, I feel frustrated. I really start to dislike both my job and my boss who has been not very understanding. In that same breath, that feeling has me focused on completing my schooling and moving forward with that. It has me realizing how many great people around me who are willing to help me with all of my needs. Both of those are equally real. Looking at my current situation either way would be true, but one feels a hell of a lot better. That is a big difference between living a life that feels great and one that feels terrible.

Ok, one more example and you can try this yourself with your current situation. Look around and find everything about your situation that sucks. I am writing to you from Starbucks. The door keeps opening because people are coming in and out. It is loud and a bit hard to concentrate. The coffee is rather pricy. They are a corporate giant that can put some small coffee shops out of business. These are all true. If I were to focus on this I would be having a rather uninspired time here. Ok, now look at your situation and find everything good about it. In my case, they have free internet I can use without having to pay for it. The have a reward program where every 12th drink is free. With my reward card I can get a refill on my high quality coffee for less than a dollar. The people who work here including my friend Kenny are both helpful and amazing. They are a corporate giant allowing them to offer these things at many locations which are always close to where I am.

Both of those views are true. One feels good and helps me enjoy life, the other does not. Try it yourself in your current situation.

ALL ABOUT FOCUS

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Let’s talk about what I consider one of the greatest skills one can master and that is focus. I used to give a passing fancy to the subject of focus but recent events and conversations with friends has changed the importance of focus. When I started thinking of it and reflecting on my past it became clear how much of a role focus played.

Have you ever felt like you could have 48 hours in a day and still not get everything you need done? I am sure we all have. One major reason we seem to resemble the hamster in a wheel just running in place and not going anywhere is our focus, or should I say lack of focus. You are starting to clean the house, but then you think of something you wanted to check on Facebook. An hour and several videos about your friend’s pets you realize pretty soon you have to start dinner. You start making dinner and a friend sends you a text about going to lunch. You tell her about how you spent all day trying to clean the house and didn’t get anywhere. 12 messages back and forth and dinner is on pace to be served at midnight.

We all have days like this. Myself included. We have all had the opposite days though, haven’t we? You know when we get lost planting the garden and are suddenly interrupted and look up and have all the rows planted. How does this happen? Focus. When we are focused on the end goal and keep that in front of us our actions become more focused. So how do we stay focused on committed to our goal? I have found something that works for me. Two things really. First, whether it is cleaning the house or getting in shape, create a strong ‘Why’ this will be discussed in greater detail in my next book, but here is the nuts and bolts. WRITE DOWN both what you will gain by doing what you are striving for, and what you will lose by not doing it. I know what you are thinking “So you are giving me even more to do, that is not going to help” Well taking five minutes to do this step will save you stress and grief going forward. I capitalized the first part of that statement because writing it down, especially when it comes to a goal that needs to maintain focus on for long periods of time it is essential to not only keep your goal in front of you but the reasons you need to get it done. Then when your cell phone starts talking to you send it right to voicemail. As Eric Thomas one of my favorite motivational speakers says “most of us would be more successful if we gave up our phone” So keep your goals and reasons in front of you. do this for a week and see what happens. There is one more thing you can do that I learned from major league athletes.

If I were to ask you, “who is the greatest of all time?” A lot of us, especially those of us who follow sports think of Muhammad Ali. Why would we think that? Because he told everybody. More importantly he told himself. That is what he focused on, being the greatest of all time. That is what we all need to do. We need to tell each other and ourselves that we are going to accomplish our goals. Les Brown, another one of my favorite speakers tells us to let ourselves “you got the right stuff” Put that on the mirror. There will be more about becoming the legends we were born to be. For now, focus on what you have to accomplish and why and enjoy the ease in which it seems to happen.

LIVE ON PURPOSE

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Here is your Friday post and yes it will come with some weekend homework. Do you ever feel like something is missing in your life? Do you ever get frustrated life seems to be passing you by? Do you ever get the feeling it all amounts to nothing?
I used to feel that way quite often. Seems like you are working just to survive. I say used to because one of the secrets to the amazing life cures all of these feelings. What is that? Purpose! You need to find a bigger purpose in life than just working to pay the bills. Being a part of a purpose bigger than yourself gives you an opportunity to make a difference.  To have a sense of meaning and fulfillment.  Now I am not saying you need to quit your job and join the peace Corp, but think of what really gets your blood pumping. Is it painting? Environmental issues? Feeding the poor? Maybe you’ve always wanted to write a book. Whatever that purpose is begin to pursue it. Not only will you find life becomes sweeter, but oftentimes you may find a whole new life waiting for you.
So this weekend your homework is two fold. First, find your purpose. Find what speaks to your heart, your passion, your bliss. Then, find a way, even part time, that you can pursue that. Your life will never be the same.

THE RICHES OF GRATITUDE

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This is a quote from Oprah Winfrey, one of the wealthiest women in the world. In a day when we stop to give thanks she certainly has a lot to be thankful for. Before you start with feelings of jealousy or envy you may want to research her story. I’ll spare you the details but tell you she didn’t always have it all.
So what does this have to do with you and I? Are we saying here of you are grateful you will be as rich as Oprah? Yes and no. I cannot promise you the money, although that may very well come, but i can promise a feeling of wealth if you develop an attitude of gratitude.  How do you do this?
Here is a very powerful exercise i share at my seminar. It will literally change your life in a major way in a short time.  I know because i owe the turn around on my own life a great deal to this very practice. It is simple but extremely powerful.
Here it goes. Get a pen and paper and write five things you are grateful for and why. Ten sentences. Then read those ten sentences before you go to bed and first thing in the morning.  Takes all of 3 minutes at the most. Not too hard so far right? Here is where the magic happens. Everyday write one more thing you are grateful for and why. Then continue to read your list before bed and first thing in the morning. This does two very interesting things. One, it keeps you focused on what is working on your life and two, it trains your brain to be on the lookout for things to be grateful for. Do this for three weeks. Even take the
weekends off if you like. I promise you after three weeks your life will never be the same! I invite you to share your results in the comments below

STRIKE WHILE THE IRON IS HOT

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Tonight, or more accurately this morning I told my lovely lady “you should write a book entitled my life with a motivational speaker” some of you may chuckle at that thought, but as I write this it is 3 am and I woke up with a million thoughts for my books, blogs and seminars. I began to rattle them off to her so fast she lovingly just touched my hand and said go write them down. So here I sit typing with one arm because I recently dislocated my shoulder at 3 am in our living room. Why? As my little lady knows because I love the grind. You must want success more than you want sleep. You must want to study more than you want to play on Facebook. Give today your all and watch what tomorrow gives back to you!
A special shout out to my lady for understanding my need to work when inspiration strikes even if it is at 3 am

WHEN TO PLANT A TREE

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What does this phrase mean? It is one of the most powerful mantras you can ponder,  which is your homework for the weekend.
What do I mean by all of this? Let my explain by way of a personal story.  In 2001 i took a course on copywriting from American writers and artists Institute. It was a great course and helped me learn how to write persuasive copy. I took that course because my day job at the post office had become unbearable. Well, a change in location, the job was a bit easier and the copywriting? I never did a thing with it. Why? Two reasons. One, i became more comfortable in my day job and two, I was afraid to start something new and go through the period of looking foolish and being new. Nobody likes that right? Fast forward 14 years. The post office is now claiming i am making up the fact I have asthma and the shoulder I dislocated? Yeah I should be back to work the next day or I would be written up.
So naturally I started kicking myself saying “if only I would have stuck with copywriting and even done it in the side”  then I would have been past the foolish stage and had more control over my situation. If only I would’ve planted that tree 20 years ago, or in this case 14. That is where a lot of people may stop. The may become resigned to their fate.  If you read yesterday’s post i think you will know that’s not me. No, I’m taking charge of me. The second best time to plant a tree? NOW! So I contacted the school and am going through a refresher. I am more determined than last time and will succeed!
So how about you? Is there a tree you should’ve planted 20 years ago? Go out and start digging today! You might not get to see it grow as tall, but it will never start growing until you plant it!

RISE IN LOVE

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Here is a secret from the Neil/Margie relationship file. Lots of people “fall in love” and that is great. It is a beautiful thing. The true beauty is revealed when you “rise in love”
What do I mean by this? Think of your current relationship. What does your partner bring to the table? I hear lots of responses to this that sound something like this “they are always there for me when I’m sad” “they always help me when I’m sick” thats great, but that is what they should do. If you are in a relationship that doesn’t have those basic courtesies then I suggest you take a hard look at your choices. If you want an amazing relationship, ask yourself what does your partner add to your life? How do they help you achieve your goals? How do they help you grow and develop as a person?  How do they help you help others?
Now before you go running off to tell your partner that this post you read on this very insightful website told you they are not living up to the standard of a great relationship, ask yourself are you? What are you doing to make your partners life better? Are you doing anything beyond common courtesy?  Could you be doing more? Perhaps you could even ask them? So do yourself a favor after you have fallen in love, find a way for you and your partner to rise in love

THE POWER OF BELIEF

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Yesterday we discussed ways to improve your inner dialog. If you missed that I highly suggest you go back and review that. The sad truth is often people look to outside sources to determine their worth. When you do that, you set yourself up for disappointment and failure. We must all find a way to believe in ourselves.
Why is this so important? In any worthwhile endeavor, any goal worth chasing there very well be moments you are left on an island. Even our well-meaning friends and family may tell you to give up on your dream. Perhaps they are looking out for what they think is your emotional wellbeing and want to prevent you from taking the hits life delivers. What sets a person apart is how many of those hits he can take and keep moving forward. My blog and history in general is full of great heros who only succeeded because they didn’t give up. People like Walt Disney whose idea for Disney land was turned down by 300 different banks because it would never work. Or Thomas Edison who tried over 10,000 different items to find which worked for an electric light bulb. Not only did these men have great belief in themselves, they brought greatness to the world by doing so. What greatness are you denying the world by not believing in the miracle that is you? Do yourself a favor and belive in yourself, even if you have to put on a white beard and red suit

TALKING TO YOURSELF

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Take a look at the above phrases. Which do you use most often? Try starting at the 0% “i won’t” and say each phrase out loud. Notice how each makes you feel. Does one make you feel like you have no control while another makes you feel strong? Notice if your posture changes as the phrases do.
Now, take this exercise one step further. Say them out loud again, but this time pick a goal you are aspiring to achieve and put it after each phrase. Note how you feel about your goal after each one.
This should show you the power of your inner dialog.
So how can we put this to use for us?  Pick the phrase that makes you feel the most positive and powerful about your goal. Write it down. Now carry it with you and repeat it to yourself as often as you can. Try to do at least some of them out loud. Say it with conviction. It is very difficult to account for the often negative inner conversation we may have, but this goes a long way to counteract it. Try this for a week and notice how much better and in control you feel

FEED YOUR MIND

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I took this picture from a site called “metalmotivation.com” it brings up a very good point. Your mind, no matter how little it may be used, craves input material. Leave what goes in to chance and you are putting yourself at great risk. What do I mean by this? Think of the programing you hear on the radio or TV, a good portion of that is not to positive. Do you have anyone in your life that may be “sunshine challenged”? A coworker or friend perhaps? How about the talk around the office?
What I’m pointing out here is there are a lot of negative influences pouring into our minds every day. What can we do about it? My mantra has always been “the best way to decrease the negative is to increase the positive” so find some motivational material to feed your brain. I listen to some motivational cds on the way to work. When I am feeling a little lazy or unproductive i go to YouTube and search “motivational video” i recommend trying that. Give your brain something positive to chew on the next time the boss is chewing you out.