Tag: Self-Help

CAN YOU FIND IT?

Here is a 30-day secret to an amazing life – find the beauty in everything. Some things this is easy to do. It could help you to start with those. Find the beauty in a sunrise or sunset. One of my favorites is finding beauty in different tropical  locations. The first week of this challenge, just do that. Find as many beautiful things in your life as you can.

The next week, try the people in your life. Just notice all of the beautiful people in your life. Remember that beauty is not always just skin deep. Some people have beautiful eyes, some people have beautiful souls. Bodies can be beautiful, but so is kindness. Notice how the people in your life are beautiful.

The third and fourth weeks are very similar. On the third week, ask yourself as often as you can, “What is beautiful about this situation?” As mentioned earlier, this should be easier for a sunrise than a root canal. If we look hard enough, we can find beauty in it all. If you can’t at the moment, just relax and let it go. You can even reassure yourself, “Although I cannot find the beauty in this situation at the moment, I’m sure it will occur to me at a later time.” Going to the dentist is not always a beautiful situation, but how much better it allows you to feel is.

Lastly, do the same with people. Ask yourself, “What is beautiful about this person?” When I do this with the woman  I love, it could take all day. In that case, ask yourself what you are finding beautiful about that person at the moment. This is easy when you are around people you care about, unless you are in the middle of a disagreement. In which case, it can be even more powerful to ask yourself what you find beautiful about them.

Again, this is far easier to do for some people than others. If there is a customer tearing into you for no good reason, it can be hard to find the beauty in that. Maybe it is just that they are helping you strengthen your patience or resilience? Often the beauty in things can only be seen in hindsight. Just like with situations, if you can’t find the beauty in a person, let it go and remind yourself it may occur to you later.

What is the purpose of all of this? The more we look for beauty, the more likely we are to find it. There is so much beauty in our lives that we miss much of it. Changing our focus to find it will make our lives more beautiful.

IT STARTED TODAY!

Oh to be young and invincible again. When I look back at my life and all of the crazy things I have done, I sure do regret a few. What many of you may not know, is the fact that I wrote an autobiography. In recalling a lot of the partying, physical stunts and sleep deprivation, I am beginning to understand some of the problems I have today.

Depending on what age you are when you read this, you are either nodding your head in agreement or thinking it can’t happen to you. Our life can be equated to one of those giant cruise ships that sail in the Caribbean. One day I’m hoping to be on one. They way in which one of those ships and our life is alike is how they change course. You can’t turn one of those ships on a dime. No, it takes time and a good deal of planning.

Our life is like that ship. We can change direction, but to turn it all around takes some time. It works in both the positive and the negative. We saw examples of the negative above. The same is true in the positive. You want a good body? It can start today, but it takes time. We can change the direction of our life today with the decisions we are making. Where will the decisions you are making take you in ten or fifteen years?

THE ANGEL ACROSS THE TABLE

Last post we talked about what it takes to be an angel among us. I want to touch a little on my own personal angel and in doing so, share some insight that occurred to me while enjoying this amazing lady. Above is a picture of my lovely Margie. We have been together for quite some time now. The other morning I was reminded how grateful I am to have such an angel in my life.

On this particular morning, Margie was telling me all of the work she had to do to prepare for the market that the bakery her and her daughter own will be at. Looking across the table I was struck by how beautiful she was. The way that she can be creative with the desserts she makes for the masses. The work she puts in to make it happen. Not to mention her actual physical beauty. Later that morning I was meeting my mother for coffee so I had to leave her.

As I got into the car, I was still thinking of the life I share with this wonderful lady. We really have survived a lot together. There has been financial struggles, death of those we care about, plus the pains and misunderstandings that come with two different people trying to live life together. It was that last thought that really got me thinking. How had we made it through all of the miscommunications and misunderstandings? How had the passionate disagreements not torn us apart?

It was the fact that we decided that our love and respect for each other was worth more that whatever was coming between us at the moment. We had learned that when trouble comes, we can lean on each other and not away from each other. The fact is we learned. In an age where everything from cars to computers are easier and cheaper to replace than repair, the same often happens with relationships. You may avoid the initial argument at the time, but unless you heal what leads to those situations, you are just bound to experience the same thing with a new person.

What makes Margie so special to me is not just her amazing smile and heart-warming hugs. No, it is the memory of seeing that smile after she had struggled. It is feeling that hug when I was struggling. It is the love that fought to continue when our egos may have encouraged us to leave. Learning to forgive and to compromise only serves to make love and life more beautiful. Is it easy? Not at all. That is what makes it so beautiful. I am so grateful that I have found someone to share my life with and will continue to work to ensure we will always have each other.

WHAT ARE YOU THINKING ABOUT?

This great stoic quote speaks to a power many of us leave to chance. When was the last time you paid attention to your thoughts? Many people feel their thoughts are something that are thrust upon them. That they come out of nowhere.

Let us take it a step further. When was the last time you decided what you were going to think about? Yes, you really can do this. It can be very beneficial to set aside at the very least, 5 to 10 minutes a day to do some focused thinking. It can be thinking about what you are grateful for. This could change your life faster than you can imagine. It could be thinking about how it will feel when a goal is reached or accomplished.

We think an average of 60,000 thoughts a day. According to research 80% of that is negative. Further research indicates that 95% of our thoughts are repetitive! Think about that. We are thinking 95% of the same things, 80% of which are negative, and wondering why our life is not improving or changing.

By not utilizing focused thinking, I feel we are missing a great opportunity. Setting aside 5 minutes a day, which is less than .5% of your day, can make a huge difference. What if you used those minutes as a chance to practice some positive self-talk? How about picking someone we love and spending 5 minutes thinking about how we can improve our relationship with them? The difference could be life-changing!

Let me know what you will spend your 5 minutes thinking about.

THE CORRECT WAY TO APPROACH RISK

Risk is not always a bad thing. It gives or life that spark. Keeps things interesting. It should be done responsibly. Risking your house on the outcome of a sporting contest you have no control over would not be a good risk to take. Done correctly, risk gives us a lot more than we think.

Far too many of us live in fear of risk. We shy away from any chance of failure. We live what we consider a ‘safe’ life. We never ask that person we really like out. We never apply for that job that we would love. We are alive, but is it a life worth living?

The secret to getting over that fear is in the quote above. “You either win or learn.” You ask that person out and they decline. You can ask them politely why. Maybe there is something you could improve on? Maybe they are shallow and you are better off learning that right away? Apply for the job. If you do not get it, you can learn what you need to set yourself up for success next time.

Learn and move along! That’s how you win at life!

THE VOICES IN YOUR HEAD AREN’T YOURS

How many times have you caught yourself discouraging yourself? Saying things like, “You can’t do it.” Or “It will never work.” Have you ever beat yourself up? I’m sure we all have. Telling ourselves we are stupid, useless or some other less than empowering adjective.

Where do all these voices come from? Yes, the simple answer is ‘from inside or head’. How did they get there in the first place? They are all memories from others who have discouraged us in our past, yet they are still running our lives today! Would you really want that bully from high school or your ex making decisions for you today? How about your parents who grew up with voices of their own?

Think of these as recordings that play on loop in our head. It is time to hit ‘pause’, or better yet, ‘stop’ on these recordings. How do we do that? First catch yourself when you are using this negative self-talk. Then ask yourself, “Where did this thought come from and am I going to let it make decisions for me?” Then tell yourself the opposite. “This could work and I’m going to at least give it a shot.” Or “I might have made a stupid decision, but I sure am not stupid.”

From today forward, make sure the only voice in your head is your own and make sure it is making your life better!

SHOW THEM THEIR SUPER POWER

In a ‘look at me’ world, people are always working so hard to get noticed. They work endlessly to show you how great they are. What many fail to realize is that our greatest opportunity to stand out is by helping and inspiring others.

Think of who stands out in your own life. It is usually the person who just makes you feel good by being around them. If they leave you feeling better about yourself, why they are indispensable! They are people you want in your life.

Another great thing about being in this category is that there is very little competition. In a world where people are screaming with their words and actions “look how great I am!”, all you have to do is be someone who uses your words and actions to say “look how great you are!” Show everyone what is special about them. Tell them. Remind them. Most importantly, appreciate them for it! Never assume people know their superpowers. You might be the first one to tell them!

LIFE IS A BLESSING… ACT LIKE IT

This points to a serious paradigm shift. Many people have been introduced to law of attraction principles. Many more have studied success strategies. They both, in their own way, advocate being something before you can achieve it. If you wish to be successful, act as a successful person would. If you start saying the things successful people do and doing the things successful people do, before long you are a success.

When it comes to health, this is even more important. When you change your identity to a healthy person,(big shift there) you begin to talk and act differently. Would a healthy person sit on the couch all day eating tacos and binge watching their favorite shows? Probably not. They would read articles about health. They would meal prep. They would make movement a part of their day.

This is easy to understand from a personal standpoint, but what about your life in general? It works in much the same fashion. If you believed life was a miracle, you would talk and act in a different way. If your life was a miracle, which we will get to in a moment, taking a moment for gratitude would be second nature. Having compassion for others would just be who you are. The meaningless drama? It wouldn’t bother you.

Your life is a miracle! The odds of a particular sperm reaching the egg first are greater than winning the lottery! We  all have certain medical issues, but considering the list of every human malady, having only the ones we do is a miracle.

Then there is the fact our life hasn’t ended. There used to be a show called 1000 ways to die. It highlighted, if I may use that term, unique and crazy ways people have went to the great beyond. If you have noticed how people drive these days, it is amazing we make it to the grocery store and back! The way our body can heal itself – miracle. The way chance meetings can turn into life-long friends – miracle. The fact the most beautiful woman in the world continues to love this crazy author despite myself – best miracle ever.

OK, so the last one was a little personal, but you get the picture. Life is a miracle. Try writing that very phrase down. “Life is a miracle.” Put it somewhere you will see it everyday. Try repeating it to yourself every morning and watch your life change. You will begin to appreciate and see miracles everywhere. Life is a miracle. It is about time we act like it.

JUST IMAGINE

We may all have different paths, but we share many of the same goals and aspirations. It is time to focus on those instead of the division that has been driving us apart. Ask yourself who benefits by having us divided? It does not make our streets safer. It does not help solve any issue we are facing. Quite the opposite. We need to work together to accomplish anything. Which is why governments are not usually good at solving issues. They are often stuck bickering with themselves about who is right. They ignore, or do not see the profit in, both sides being able to be right.

If we are to take any issue, there are many things that opposing sides have in common and can agree on. Instead of building a foundation of agreement and learning to compromise on differences, they reduce themselves to blaming each other. When the day is done, nothing gets solved. How can we begin to change this? First, vote for individuals focused more on results than political affiliation. Second, learn to practice these virtues ourselves. Learn to communicate and work with those with whom we may differ. Be an example for the youth. Serve as a beacon of hope in a world that desperately needs one.

Imagine how much we could solve if we all made an effort to respect and worked together? The fact that it may sound like a fantasy in today’s world should convey the sense of urgency that we should employ these tactics. To paraphrase a tree metaphor, the best time to start respecting each other and working together would be 20 years ago, the second best time is now. Someone has to take the first step. Someone has to make the first compromise, let that be us!

OVERWHELM THE WORLD 🌎

There are many people who are concerned about the world today. Rightfully so. The question often asked is what we can do to bring decency and humanity back to the world. It is a very good question that has many answers. The first are things we can do on a national level. We can speak with our vote. We can pay attention to laws that are up for debate and respond with the officials we elect.

If we truly want global change, the best way to do so is to start by acting locally. We can be an example for the change we wish to see in the world. This can include treating others in a manner in which we would like to see people treating each other. We can begin by creating loving and accepting communities. The more we do that, the more loving and accepting communities we will have on our planet. It may seem that working to create loving households and communities will not lead to global change, but it is the best way to do so. Inspire children. Show kindness to strangers. These are ways in which we can overwhelm the world with love and kindness.

When enough of us engage in behavior to enact this overwhelm, the world will be change. Start with where you are and what you have. The world will be changed by you making a difference in your family and your household.