Tag: Self-Help

WHO GETS TO LIVE LIKE THIS?

Have you ever had one of those reminders that give you that kick in the butt you need? We all can fall victim of some less than empowering thinking. On my way to write today i was lamenting that the sun was not shining and I was feeling tired and a little less than inspired. Then a song came on the radio that changed everything.

The song was Who Gets to Live Like This,by Jimmy Buffett. In the song, Jimmy describes his life and how grateful he is for it. Living in the beach, the mail, and money, come by boat. He just has to relax and write songs. Swap ‘songs’ for ‘books’ and that would be the life for me!

I almost fell into the trap of thinking of how far away from this life I was. I live in a climate that is anything but tropical. I must get up at 4am to go to a day job. Then I thought about a post I had recently written explaining how we should be grateful for the blessings we have and the troubles we don’t.

Suddenly, my thinking began to shift to what was amazing about my situation. This morning I woke up and had a cup of Jamaican Blue Mountain coffee. Which is my favorite. I had some breakfast my thoughtful sister brought me. I was able to share both of those with a beautiful lady who happens to be marrying me. Yes, I have to go to a job, but it is only 5 days a week and allows me to pursue my passion.

We often need these reminders. Even those of us well-versed in the field of self-improvement. Here is the quandary and the solution. What do we do when we don’t have an inspiring song come on the radio? We must craft and schedule tools of strategies that inspire us! Develop morning rituals that empower us. Leave the house inspired and grateful! What tools and strategies can you think of that would do this? Share your ideas with the rest of us!

IT IS NOT HOW POWERFUL YOU ARE…

One of the many great tragedies in life is how often we ask children what they want to be, verses how often we ask adults, including ourself, that very same question. There are far too many of us working hard to just make it through the day. We have no lofty goal, no aspiration greater than ourselves. Then we wake up and wonder why we feel so overwhelmed and that our life is meaningless. You want a more meaningful life? Than choose what meaning you are going to give. Decide on the purpose of your life.

We all work far too hard to not give it direction. Imagine getting in your car with no idea where you wanted to go. Would it matter how fast you drove? Of course not. If you have a clear idea where you wanted to go, than no matter the speed, you would be getting ever closer. Even if you encountered a detour in the road, you would still no what direction to go in order to correct the course. If you didn’t, you might think a closed road would be the end of the journey. Life is much the same. If you have a clear purpose and direction for you life, a challenge is a mere course correction, not an end.

Spend a few quality minutes deciding on the purpose and direction for your life. Whenever this subject comes up, I always get the same question, “What if I pick the wrong purpose?” To that question, I will give you two answers. First, you can change your purpose in life and adjust accordingly. When I was very little I wanted to be a whale. Obviously after some learning about biology my answer changed. I have been in a rock band. I have been a bartender. Now I am an author working on my fourth book. If you would have asked the child who was short on his interspecies transformation if he wanted to be an author, he would have said ‘No!’. If you would have asked the rock singer and bartender the same question, neither would have jumped at the chance. As the years have gone by, I have changed and refined the purpose of my life.

Which leads to the second point, you will find out a lot sooner if your purpose no longer aligns with you life if you have one! Not picking a purpose because you are afraid of picking the wrong one makes no sense. It is like skipping an audition because you might not get the part. By not even going you will not fail, but you will also never succeed. You will also feel overwhelmed and like your life has no meaning. Pick a purpose, put your entire actions behind it and see where it goes. If it is not what you hoped, adjust accordingly.

THE MOST IMPORTANT PERSON TO IMPRESS

This may be an unpopular stance in a social media and ‘like’ driven world, but we really need to work on the relationship we have with ourselves. The world is filled with people who will do just about anything to get out attention. When your focus is on getting attention and approval from others, they become your master.

The paradox of all of this is that when we are most authentically ourselves is when we are most impressive. An original work of art is always more impressive than a copy. You are most valuable when you are being the truest version of you. Why? There cannot be another. You are that original work of art.

People worry, “What if they do not like me for who I really am?” That is a legitimate worry. If you are trying to be something you are not and someone doesn’t like you, at least you can tell yourself, “They never knew the real me. ” If you are brave enough to be the real you and they still do not like you? That hits deeper.

To that we will go back to our art example. Not everyone likes the same art. Does that make it any less of a work of art? No it does not. You might not be someone’s cup of tea, as the saying goes. They might be a coffee drinker and that’s ok. It does not mean you are not an amazing cup of tea.

Before we get lost in analogy, let us answer a very important question. How do we become impressed with ourselves? We do hard things. We keep our word with others and with ourselves. We never stop working to become the best version of ourselves. When we do these things, we will not be hurt if some people don’t like us.

MINDSET MAKES IT EASIER!

Even those of us who enjoy the gym often have a hard time getting there. I heard a quote once, “The heaviest weight at the gym is the front door. ” Meaning that getting to the gym is the hardest part. I can agree on this point. I love working out. It reduces my stress and provides me energy. After an 8 hour work day, it still takes all the convincing I have to get myself there.

Why, if I know and enjoy all the benefits, do I still have to argue with myself to go? It has a great deal to do with mindset. Looking at the gym as something we have to do instead of something we get to do. So many people who are physically unable to workout would love to trade places with us.

Dick Van Dyke has a great outlook here. It has served him well and can do the same for us. How about you? When you face having to do something you don’t want, what is your attitude about it? Do you have to go to work, or are you grateful for being employed? Do you have to pay your bills or are you grateful you have the funds to do so?

To some this may seem like a small difference, but it will make a big impact on how your life feels and how productive it will be. What is your favorite hack to improve your mindset?

USE YOUR OWN RULER

As we approach the start of the week many of us will worry that we are not as far as we should be. This could be in the area of career, finance, relationships or a million other categories. The question we should be asking ourselves is what metric we are using to come to this conclusion? Is it the new house our friend on Facebook bought? How about the new car we saw pull up at Starbucks while we are writing? The couple posting their wedding photos while we are still requesting a table for one? Never, and I repeat – never measure your life using someone else’s ruler.

If you find yourself frustrated with your progress because you are not living up to your own standard, that is one thing. Then, by all means be upset with yourself. If you know you could have worked harder or given more, than it is ok to give yourself a little pain as motivation. If, however, your pain is because you are not as far as someone else even though you have given it your all; stop it. You never know what advantages they may have had. Perhaps it was not advantages, but lack of challenges to overcome? I have quoted Earl Nightingale’s definition of success many times. “Success is the progressive realization of a worthy ideal.” If you are progressing on your goals and working towards them you are a success. This includes discovering things that do not work. Some may call that ‘failure’ but the more informed know that it is just another step in the process of success.

Comparison really is the thief of joy. Why let comparing yourself to other steal the joy of the progress you made? Everyone evolves and grows at their own pace. As long as you are working on growth and evolvement, than do not look to your neighbor to decide how good your progress is. Instead look at who you were a year ago, or six months or maybe even yesterday! Use your own ruler when measuring your success.

HEY YOU, MIRACLE WORKER!

How many of you saw this headline and thought “Oh, Neil is talking to me!”? I am guessing not to many of you. Still, the truth is that it applies to all of us. We may never know all of the lives we have impacted and miracles we have worked. Have you ever seen the movie It’s a Wonderful Life? In the movie, the main character is shown what the world would look like had he never been born. He is then able to see all of the lives he has impacted and miracles he has created. Far be it from me to give advice to the Creator, but it strikes me that this would benefit many more people than it wouldn’t.

I have been blessed (I can think of no other word to use here) to be told that my words have saved the lives of several people. Just one person would have made this all worth while. On the occasion that I get hung up on the frustration of not being able to reach more people, I have this beautiful lady who reminds me of all the lives I have touched. That doesn’t stop me from wanting to reach more, but it does remind me of the impact I have had. The truth is that we all have that impact. It could be treating a retail worker with kindness when they have had a tough day. It could be someone watching us from afar and being inspired by our actions. If you are a parent, you have already worked many miracles.

How would you live your life different if you stopped and realized that you are indeed are a miracle worker? If you were to stop and consider the impact your actions had on the lives of others, would you be more inspired to be kinder and more inspiring? Well here is your wake up call! You are a miracle worker. You have touched more lives than you will ever know. When the world wants to knock you down, go forth with the knowledge that you have lifted others up. Often without ever knowing. You are a miracle worker.

JUST A QUICK REMINDER

There is a lot of talk about hustling and the grind out there. I am all for working hard. It is one of the best ways to purify the soul in my opinion. Striving to be the best version of yourself, whatever that may be, should be a goal for all of us. What we should avoid is being miserable through the entire journey. We spend most of our life on the journey. Even when we reach a goal we have been chasing, we celebrate a little and soon set our sights on the next goal to chase.

While it is healthy to pursue continual self-improvement, you do not have to be unhappy with your current state. Yes, things may not be as you wish they were, but there is beauty in that too. The hard days help us not to take the good days for granted. The challenges we go through along the way will help us enjoy the destination that much more. Life has a way of passing by in the blink of an eye. If we delay enjoying it until we reach some finish line, we may find we never get to enjoy it at all.

Today, focus on enjoying the journey. Remember that all of the bumps along the way form the incredible person we are. The strengthen our resilience and patience. They give us stories to tell and credibility to help others. There is beauty in all of life. Slow downn that you may appreciate it all.

HOW DO YOU VIEW THE RAIN?

This is a great challenge for all of us. The example of the rain is something we can all wrap our heads around, but it holds true in many examples of life. When something challenges our life, we often see it as something bad. Sure, life may not be the way we had planned or even wished for. If we look close enough, we will find some good that came out of it. There are several examples that come to mind when I think of this. While our own life may not seem as grand as the examples that I am going to reference, the principle is the same. As you read the following words, think of how you can apply them to your own life.

One of the people I really enjoy listening to is the Dalai Lama. His story in a nutshell is one of tragedy turned into triumph. Before him, the Lama was a sacred spiritual leader in Tibet. They lived in a palace and had very little worries. They were often disassociated with the common people. When China took over Tibet, the Dalai Lama fled with many of his followers. The made a long and dangerous journey into India. Through that, the position of Lama changed. He became someone that could relate to many more people. He was thrust into a position of importance. Without the invasion, many people would not have heard his words of compassion and wisdom.

Someone quite different from the Dalai Lama, but whose story has challenges just the same is David Goggins. Growing up, David’s father abused both him and his mother. They ended up moving to a different state where David faced racism, and more abuse. As you can imagine, this impacted his ability to learn in school and to develop as an individual. One day he realized that there was nobody to save him. That propelled him to take control of his own life. He lost over 100 pounds in 3 months, became a Navy seal. He became an ultra-marathon runner. Even running 8 100-mile races on back to back weekends. Now he shares his story online, in person events and his 2 books that he wrote. The challenges he faced in life could have been an excuse but instead became his source of motivation.

On the surface, these two men seem to have little in common. When we take a step back we see that the rain that might have ruined their picnic, ended up helping a part of them grow that would not have otherwise developed. What challenges in your own life can you put to use? What can you learn and develop in yourself from the challenges you have faced? What credibility do they give you?

Every challenge we face gives us choice. Will we define what this challenge means to our life and put it to work for us or will we let the challenge define us? Quite often, the more pain we survive, the more opportunity we have to help others. How do you view the ‘rain’ in your life? Do you use it to fuel growth or do you use it as an excuse not to grow?

I DIDN’T EVEN KNOW…

Recently, while writing these posts, I noticed that this site had passed a total of 3000 posts. This is post number 3009. That means, if you were to read a post a day, you would have over 8 years worth of reading. The funny thing about this was this milestone was reached while we were busy celebrating a month of gratitude posts. We were so busy creating content that will help us all live an amazing life that we did not even notice we had reached 3000 posts. This brought up a point that I think would be good to revisit.

In our own life we often take time to criticize others. The people who you do not hear doing this are those who are working hard to make the most of their life. Why? Time spent saying something judgmental or critical about someone else is time that could, and should, be used to better your own life. Next time you are tempted to be critical, ask yourself a few very important questions. Is what I am about to say beneficial to me in any way? Would the time I am about use making this statement be better served working on improving my own life? Is my own life perfect? The answers to these questions should be pretty obvious for most of us.

If you want an amazing life, your focus should be solely on your own life. What can you do to become the best version of yourself? Here is a fact that may seem sobering, but can also be liberating. You will never be the best version of yourself. The more we learn and experience in life, the more that we can grow and develop. In the world of self-improvement there is not a finish line. That means there is opportunity to improve every day. When we spend time being critical of others and the life they are living, we are moving further away from becoming the best version of ourselves. We are sacrificing improving our own life to put another life down. It makes no sense and in counter-productive to becoming the best version of ourselves.

THANKFUL FOR CHANGE

There are so many of us that have a negative view of change. “Why can’t the world just stay the same?” they ask. They wish they could go back to a less chaotic time. They look at the past through a sort of rose-colored glasses. Remembering when they could leave their doors unlocked and not worry. Remembering when kids played outside and talked to each other instead of just staring into their phones. They see criminals and social decline everywhere. Being the age I am, I have seen the transition from one of these to the other. I grew up in an era before cell phones and the internet. I would not change that for anything, but it does give me a unique perspective. Change, although it can be scary, it not only constant, it is necessary.

Do you know what else I remember as a child? More graffiti in public restrooms. Less ability to communicate with people halfway across the room. Memories not being captured because someone forgot the camera or they could not see if the picture turned out until the film was developed. I also remember things like cancer and aids being a death sentence. Advances in medicine and technology have saved, or prolonged, many lives that would have been cut short.

Even in more personal examples, change helps us grow and evolve. In my own life I have seen my share of jobs lost, people pass away and health challenges. At the time, I thought “I wish things would not change.” Every time there is a part of me that grows and evolves to rise up and meet that change. Something that would not happen if the change had not occurred.

I understand that change can be scary. It is not always bad, and most often helps our growth more than comfort. Can you think of a change that may have seemed scary or bad at first that you would not undo? One that helped you grow into the person you are today? Change is something that we can…well…change our view of with the addition of gratitude. If you spend a week recording a change a day that you are grateful for, you will realize that if life stayed the same it would not only get boring rather quickly, but ultimately we would not grow or evolve.