This popped up on my social media feed on Sunday, so I thought I would share it here on our uplifting Wednesday post. Not only is it a great reminder that indeed that we are all amazing in some way that that we all deserve to be happy, but that it is good to be reminded of it.
I would encourage all of us to share more things like this not only on our social media platforms, but in real life too. Letting someone, be that friend or stranger, know that they are amazing, appreciated and deserve to be happy can do a lot more than we think. All of us face challenges we never share. We can get wrapped up in the insanity of life and forget our value. To be reminded of that may help someone pursue their purpose, bring a light to their life, or even save their life. Doesn’t that make it worthwhile?
Think of ways in which we can remind each other that we are amazing, appreciated and deserve to be happy. It would be great if you can share them in the comments. That way we can all do a better job of inspiring each other.
If you are a sports fan, you know what the fourth quarter is all about. Time is running out in the game. The chance for victory or defeat is getting tighter. Have you noticed how players seem to rise to the occasion during the last few minutes of a game? It is as if their minds become sharper, their bodies cease to feel the pain or tiredness that was starting to catch up to them. We have all seen teams that were down by what seemed like impossible odds comeback to, as they say, steal victory from the jaws of defeat.
The same holds true in the corporate world. The fourth quarter of a corporate year is when profit margins must be met. It would seem people’s talents come out then as well. Creative solutions that seemed to escape us throughout the year are forced to the surface as deadlines rapidly approach. Again, we seem to steal energy and be able to work a little harder and a little longer. We can wrap up projects we have been laboring away at in the first three quarters.
Most of us know about the two examples above. We have seen it happen, or maybe even been a part of it. What we may not realize it that it happens in other areas of our life as well. Relationships suffer the same fate. It is often not until divorce or a break-up is on the horizon that effort is put into the relationship. When the end is near, then we scramble to fix it. How many of us have heard someone say, “If only I knew they were so close to leaving I would have done more.” In order for us to not be the one saying it, we must realize something very important – it is the fourth quarter!
Whether that is our job, our relationship or the legacy we will leave behind, we never quite know when the fourth quarter is. “Oh, I am young so my fourth quarter is a way off.” you might find yourself saying. Really? Youth is not a guarantee of time. Tragedy and illness can take us all. Sure, the odds go up the more you go through life, but it can strike us at anytime. I recall being diagnosed with my heart issues. At the time I was doing cross fit at the gym and feeling great. There were zero signs anything was wrong. If it were not for a reading of a heart rate monitor, you might not be reading these words.
It is not only sickness or tragedy that can lead to an ‘early fourth quarter’. Think of relationships. One partner thinks everything is great only to come home and discover their partner has moved out after years of suffering in silence. The goal is to foster healthy communication so that this does not happen, but even then it is worth noting the possibility. Your job could suddenly need to lay off a percentage of it’s workforce for an unexpected reason. At that point you may have found yourself wishing you had been a better employee. It would also be a little too late.
If I were to offer any advice for the rest of your life it would be to live like it is the fourth quarter! Do this in as many areas of your life as you can. That is your job, your relationship, your health and your life in general. You never know when the fourth quarter will be. You could be in it and not even know it.
Here are some powerful yet simple words of wisdom from Frida. She was a great Mexican painter and also had some of the best eyebrows! These words are not complicated, yet in them is the secret of a great relationship. It is doing away with the things we know hurt our partners. Things like lies and lack of communication. Replace them with simple things such as hope and coffee. Those two can be one in the same depending on the day. One of my favorite moments in the world is having coffee on the front porch with the love of my life. Just the two of us watching the traffic, birds and whatever else happens by. Do not take these simple, seemingly insignificant, times for granted.
Bringing hope to your partner can seem a bit more complicated, but it need not be. When I have a hard day at work, or face a cold winter day on the way home, my heart is filled with anticipation of the beautiful face that will greet me at the door and hope for the love the will fill the evening we spend together.
Lastly, let us talk about poetry. Every word out of our mouth does not have to sound like a sonnet from Robert Browning, but it would not hurt us to read a little poetry. Expanding the capacity we have for expressing our emotions is always a good thing. Gentleman, this is directed more towards you, but it goes equally for all. Telling someone, “I like your smile.” is great. Telling that person, “When I see your smile it gives me the same warm feeling I get when I see a beautiful sunrise.” goes a little bit further. They can mean the same thing, but certainly convey a different feeling.
We often want to make love this complicated thing. It is not. Do less of the bad stuff and invest more time on learning and doing the good stuff. By process of elimination, the more time you spend on learning and doing good stuff, the less chance you will have to do something that would hurt the relationship. One final thought. This works just as well in friendships, working and business relationships as it would in romantic relationships.
Here is a 30-day secret to an amazing life – find the beauty in everything. Some things this is easy to do. It could help you to start with those. Find the beauty in a sunrise or sunset. One of my favorites is finding beauty in different tropical locations. The first week of this challenge, just do that. Find as many beautiful things in your life as you can.
The next week, try the people in your life. Just notice all of the beautiful people in your life. Remember that beauty is not always just skin deep. Some people have beautiful eyes, some people have beautiful souls. Bodies can be beautiful, but so is kindness. Notice how the people in your life are beautiful.
The third and fourth weeks are very similar. On the third week, ask yourself as often as you can, “What is beautiful about this situation?” As mentioned earlier, this should be easier for a sunrise than a root canal. If we look hard enough, we can find beauty in it all. If you can’t at the moment, just relax and let it go. You can even reassure yourself, “Although I cannot find the beauty in this situation at the moment, I’m sure it will occur to me at a later time.” Going to the dentist is not always a beautiful situation, but how much better it allows you to feel is.
Lastly, do the same with people. Ask yourself, “What is beautiful about this person?” When I do this with the woman I love, it could take all day. In that case, ask yourself what you are finding beautiful about that person at the moment. This is easy when you are around people you care about, unless you are in the middle of a disagreement. In which case, it can be even more powerful to ask yourself what you find beautiful about them.
Again, this is far easier to do for some people than others. If there is a customer tearing into you for no good reason, it can be hard to find the beauty in that. Maybe it is just that they are helping you strengthen your patience or resilience? Often the beauty in things can only be seen in hindsight. Just like with situations, if you can’t find the beauty in a person, let it go and remind yourself it may occur to you later.
What is the purpose of all of this? The more we look for beauty, the more likely we are to find it. There is so much beauty in our lives that we miss much of it. Changing our focus to find it will make our lives more beautiful.
Last post we talked about what it takes to be an angel among us. I want to touch a little on my own personal angel and in doing so, share some insight that occurred to me while enjoying this amazing lady. Above is a picture of my lovely Margie. We have been together for quite some time now. The other morning I was reminded how grateful I am to have such an angel in my life.
On this particular morning, Margie was telling me all of the work she had to do to prepare for the market that the bakery her and her daughter own will be at. Looking across the table I was struck by how beautiful she was. The way that she can be creative with the desserts she makes for the masses. The work she puts in to make it happen. Not to mention her actual physical beauty. Later that morning I was meeting my mother for coffee so I had to leave her.
As I got into the car, I was still thinking of the life I share with this wonderful lady. We really have survived a lot together. There has been financial struggles, death of those we care about, plus the pains and misunderstandings that come with two different people trying to live life together. It was that last thought that really got me thinking. How had we made it through all of the miscommunications and misunderstandings? How had the passionate disagreements not torn us apart?
It was the fact that we decided that our love and respect for each other was worth more that whatever was coming between us at the moment. We had learned that when trouble comes, we can lean on each other and not away from each other. The fact is we learned. In an age where everything from cars to computers are easier and cheaper to replace than repair, the same often happens with relationships. You may avoid the initial argument at the time, but unless you heal what leads to those situations, you are just bound to experience the same thing with a new person.
What makes Margie so special to me is not just her amazing smile and heart-warming hugs. No, it is the memory of seeing that smile after she had struggled. It is feeling that hug when I was struggling. It is the love that fought to continue when our egos may have encouraged us to leave. Learning to forgive and to compromise only serves to make love and life more beautiful. Is it easy? Not at all. That is what makes it so beautiful. I am so grateful that I have found someone to share my life with and will continue to work to ensure we will always have each other.
The world can sure seem a crazy place these days. It would seem the news coming at us from every direction can be of wars, political division, or some other personal or global tragedy. Even conversations with friends can often include one, or several, of these. That is why it is so appreciated when someone comes into our lives and brings a little magic. These people are what I believe are angels.
Whether you believe in angels in the divine sense, or can just acknowledge that people who bring love and joy to others are a special group, there are angels among us. Every morning I can look across the table and see one. My lovely lady has brought more into my life than I can convey. More importantly, she has prevented a lot of bad things. We will touch more on that in tomorrow’s post. I want to share a story about a lady who blessed not only my mother’s day, but the day of everyone who happened to be with us at the coffee shop that day.
As I mentioned, my mother and I were enjoying time at the local coffee shop we both like. It had been quite some time since we got together due to unforeseen circumstances. We were both looking forward to some great conversation and a little relaxing time with a cup of coffee. As we were enjoying ourselves, in walked one of the workers, Dana. She was not working at the moment. Just came for a beverage herself. What she brought with her changed the day for everyone there. She had brought several roses and proceeded to give them to all of the ladies, workers and customers that were in the coffee shop that day.
When a stranger comes up and hands you a rose for no reason other than to brighten your day, it does just that. Not only did she put smiles on the faces of those who received the flowers, but everyone witnessing this act of selfless kindness. In a mad world, these random acts of kindness are angelic! Everyone left the coffee shop with a little more joy in their heart and a lot more smiles on their face. What prompted this young lady to be so kind? I am not sure, but I can tell you in improved the day for everyone present!
Here is the thing about Dana’s actions – it is something any of us could do. The actions themselves are made special by the fact that not many people have the thought or motivation to do such things. Here is the exciting part. We all can. That’s right! Dana reminded all of us that we can be angels in someone, or anyone’s life. You could bring in treats for your coworkers. You could make a donation to a charity you believe in. You could leave a larger than normal gratuity for a server that you know could use it.
With the holidays coming up, there will be plenty of opportunities to commit random acts of kindness. Something to keep in mind is that this is often the hardest time of the year for many. Your act of kindness may be the greatest gift given to someone. What is stopping us from being angels? A little selfless love for our fellow humans and a few random acts of kindness.
We often make happiness some complex realm that takes years to get to. It is even a multi-billion dollar business. These three simple rules can supply you with more happiness than you can imagine. Can doing three things really bring you happiness? Let us look at them one at a time to find out how we can.
The first one is having zero expectations of others. This can be so helpful in any relationship from business to intimate. Expecting people to have the same standards and beliefs we have is not only foolish and unrealistic, it will lead to conflict and disappointment on our behalf. Everyone has experienced life differently. They have their own unique way of looking at the world. The best we can do is to kindly explain ours, and do the best to understand theirs. When we feel people have let us down, it would serve us a lot more to try to understand why verses condemn them. Communication and conveying standards is essential, but so is compassion and understanding.
The next is taking 100% responsibility for our own lives. Let me tell you how freeing this is. The more we place the blame for our circumstances in life on other people or things, the more we relinquish control of our life to those very people or things. If it is your boss’s fault you are having a bad day, than it is your boss who would have to change that. If the person in the blue car who drove across 2 lanes of traffic to turn in front of you (actually happened to me on the way to write this) made you mad, than they have the power to control your emotions. The more responsible for your life and your emotions you are, the more control of them you have. Would you not want control of your own life? If you need help on this, I would recommend the book, Extreme Ownership, by Jocko Willink.
The last is being grateful. If you have read anything that I have wrote, you know that I cannot encourage people to be grateful enough. Gratitude really does change your life faster than anything else I know. Look at the picture above and the multitude of things in life we have to be grateful for. The list is really never ending. Even when life seems negative, gratitude is the other side of coin. Take the worst situation in life – losing someone you love. When we are sad thinking about the loss, we can help ease our pain a little by feeling grateful for the opportunity to know and love them. Will it erase the pain entirely? Of course not, nothing will. What it will do is give us another perspective. You would not miss someone so much if you did not love them a great deal. Loving someone and being able to share a portion of life with them, no matter how great or small, is something to be grateful for.
Here is a secret. The more you occupy your mind and heart with gratitude, the less you leave room for negative emotions. If you are keeping score at home, that means more positive emotions and less negative emotions. That is a win/win situation and one that will lead to a happier life.
As you can see, happiness really can be had by utilizing these three methods. It will take some time and practice, but it can be done. The more you work on making these three things a part of your life, the more happy it will become.
In a ‘look at me’ world, people are always working so hard to get noticed. They work endlessly to show you how great they are. What many fail to realize is that our greatest opportunity to stand out is by helping and inspiring others.
Think of who stands out in your own life. It is usually the person who just makes you feel good by being around them. If they leave you feeling better about yourself, why they are indispensable! They are people you want in your life.
Another great thing about being in this category is that there is very little competition. In a world where people are screaming with their words and actions “look how great I am!”, all you have to do is be someone who uses your words and actions to say “look how great you are!” Show everyone what is special about them. Tell them. Remind them. Most importantly, appreciate them for it! Never assume people know their superpowers. Youmight be the first one to tell them!
We may all have different paths, but we share many of the same goals and aspirations. It is time to focus on those instead of the division that has been driving us apart. Ask yourself who benefits by having us divided? It does not make our streets safer. It does not help solve any issue we are facing. Quite the opposite. We need to work together to accomplish anything. Which is why governments are not usually good at solving issues. They are often stuck bickering with themselves about who is right. They ignore, or do not see the profit in, both sides being able to be right.
If we are to take any issue, there are many things that opposing sides have in common and can agree on. Instead of building a foundation of agreement and learning to compromise on differences, they reduce themselves to blaming each other. When the day is done, nothing gets solved. How can we begin to change this? First, vote for individuals focused more on results than political affiliation. Second, learn to practice these virtues ourselves. Learn to communicate and work with those with whom we may differ. Be an example for the youth. Serve as a beacon of hope in a world that desperately needs one.
Imagine how much we could solve if we all made an effort to respect and worked together? The fact that it may sound like a fantasy in today’s world should convey the sense of urgency that we should employ these tactics. To paraphrase a tree metaphor, the best time to start respecting each other and working together would be 20 years ago, the second best time is now. Someone has to take the first step. Someone has to make the first compromise, let that be us!
There are many people who are concerned about the world today. Rightfully so. The question often asked is what we can do to bring decency and humanity back to the world. It is a very good question that has many answers. The first are things we can do on a national level. We can speak with our vote. We can pay attention to laws that are up for debate and respond with the officials we elect.
If we truly want global change, the best way to do so is to start by acting locally. We can be an example for the change we wish to see in the world. This can include treating others in a manner in which we would like to see people treating each other. We can begin by creating loving and accepting communities. The more we do that, the more loving and accepting communities we will have on our planet. It may seem that working to create loving households and communities will not lead to global change, but it is the best way to do so. Inspire children. Show kindness to strangers. These are ways in which we can overwhelm the world with love and kindness.
When enough of us engage in behavior to enact this overwhelm, the world will be change. Start with where you are and what you have. The world will be changed by you making a difference in your family and your household.
SECRET 2 AN AMAZING LIFE 