Tag: Relationships

A WASTED EMOTION

In a world where division is more common than ever, revenge is something we are starting to see more of. It may also be a result of lack of personal accountability. A lot of us may never meet face to face. There are a lot of people who are ‘keyboard warriors’. Saying hurtful and mean things they would not only be hesitant to say in person, but have little to no business saying in the first place. There are plenty of reasons to see something you do not like and just move past it. Feeling the need to put a sarcastic or mean comment on every social media post you don’t like is not only unnecessary, it drains your productive energy as well.

When you proceed to engage negatively it does not always impact the person you are engaging with, but it will always affect you. Going around trying to get back at people you disagree with or you feel have done you wrong will have you focused on what you perceive as wrong in the world. It will have you in a negative vibration state and may even prevent you from noticing many of the blessings that all of our lives contain. Instead, let those who are consumed by doing negative destroy themselves while you build a bigger and better life for yourself. Give all the energy to yourself and your life, not to their negative actions. You will get further and eventually life will come for them.

LAST MEMORY STANDING

Here is a picture of a sign from the 50th birthday party my lovely lady threw me about a month ago. With our insanely busy lives, we forgot to take it down until today. Here is a pretty cool aspect of that forgetting. Every morning I leave for work at about 4:30 in the morning. On my way to the car, I catch this sign out of the corner of my eye. My first thought is not that it would be far too early to remove the sign, or that I leave such little time to get to work that I do not have the time to stop and attend to such matters. My first thought is so much more powerful and helpful to starting my day off right.

No, the first thought that comes to mind is how much effort and love must have went into throwing me that party. Realizing you are that loved, by someone so amazing, is the best way to start the day. Even though the sign is down now, I will still see it in my head and feel the same way. Funny how when you train your mind to see what you have to be grateful for in your life, everything feels so amazing. This woman puts a smile on my face even at 4 in the morning when she is still blissfully sleeping.

Speaking of great memories, the above photo is yet another example. That is the afore-mentioned lovely lady and I enjoying a little coffee. In case you have not heard, Starbucks is closing over 500 of its locations and one of them was a location we had been to many times. This was the last day it was open and I thought it would be a good idea to create one more memory there. We stopped and spoke with some of the workers about their future plans. Margie even made friends with a dog she saw. Now, every time that I drive by that location, I will remember not only all of the great memories we had there, but this last day they were open when I was able to share one last coffee with the woman I love.

This is yet another example of a memory that we created at this particular coffee shop. We were both working on bringing my second book, Living the Dream, to creation. This post is not about living in the past, but rather being present enough to consider what great memories certain situations would create. It is also about creating and appreciating new ones. Today I am taking my love to the movies to see a film we have never seen and to a new restaurant for dinner. This will be creating two new memories to treasure into the future. When you are able to look back with an attitude of gratitude, it makes all of life magical. Even the hard days seem like a victory.

THE MEASURE OF A MAN (OR WOMAN)

I believe if Plato were alive today, he would have included both genders in this quote. I also believe his name would not have been Plato, but we shall move on. One of the reasons that he used the masculine in this quote is that women did not have as much power as they do now. Although, it is my humble opinion we could benefit with more women in powerful positions. I am sure most of you reading this would agree.

One of the things that I would advocate is using this quote for some self-reflection. How do you use your power? You might be thinking to yourself, “Neil, I do not really have any power.” This could not be further from the truth. Each one of us has a great deal of power that we let atrophy to a great deal. If we are parents, we have a great ability to inspire and lead our children by example. If we are in a relationship, we have the power to help nurture and grow with our partner. We have the power to make them feel valued and appreciated, or worthless and taken for granted. We actually have this power over almost everyone we meet. When your retail experience is taking longer than expected, do you berate and belittle the person behind the counter or do you thank them for their efforts despite the frustrating circumstances? Even if the service is poor, which does seem to be happening with a greater frequency, we never know the story behind what is going on. Perhaps they are dealing with a mental health issue. Maybe they were never properly taught how to deal with others?

When you smile at a stranger you are using your power. The same is true if you glare at them. When you support your hard-working spouse, that is using your power. When you work hard for your family, that is using your power. When you complain, sit around not doing much, that is also using your power. One is for the greater good, the other – not so much. If you have a skill, whether that is baking, inspiring others or even being a good listener, what do you do with that skill? That is how you are using your power!

Spend a few minutes today thinking about the powers you have. That could be the power to inspire. The power to help. The power to encourage. The power to positively influence. What ways can you start to use more of these powers? Are there ways you are failing to use your power? Worse, are there ways in which, unknowingly, you are negatively using your power? If we are honest, I think there are ways in which we can all use our power a little more and a little better. I would love to hear what you think.

YOUR MOST IMPORTANT MISSION!

This world is pretty crazy right now. What can we do to bring a little more sense and a lot more peace to it? Adopt this as our mission. That is to be a light in an often dark world. If you make your mission to lift others up and to give them hope and belief in themselves, you will have not only made their world a better place, you will have made the world a better place.

Think of how much better we could all be if someone helped remind us how worthy we are. If someone showed us our magic again. We all have it. Inside each and every one of us lies the ability to change the world for everyone we come in contact with. If that isn’t a superpower, I do not know what is. We should adopt this as our mission in life. When we do, we will not only see our world change for the better, but we will begin to see the world around us improve as well.

IT STILL MATTERS

Today is Monday. That can be a little tough for many of us. By the end of the day all we can think about is keeping our heads above water. It can be hard to think of any personal goals and hobbies we wish to pursue. He is a little secret. Even a little progress is huge. This is true especially on the hard days. That can be writing a few words on the book you are working on. It can be going for a little walk while trying to get in shape.

It may feel like if we can only do a little, is it worth it to do anything at all? The answer is absolutely. We can’t always workout for an hour or run a marathon. We can go for a walk after dinner. This isn’t only a physical fitness analogy. Want to increase the love between you and your spouse? How about a well thought out appreciation given to the one you love? It may seem like a little action, but trust me, it matters.

There are two important things to remember about taking little actions. First, you will be proud of yourself that you did something verses nothing. Sure, it may not be the big step you would have liked to take, but it is better than not taking any step at all. The second thing to remember is that little steps add up to big results. You may not repair all of the hurt in a relationship overnight, but taking a few seconds to convey genuine appreciation is that little progress that can start to move the needle. Take steps like this every day and your relationship will grow by leaps and bounds.

Next time you are tempted to think that little progress does not matter, think of these examples. Understand that doing even a little can give you the pride and confidence to keep going. Also understand that a little progress done daily can, and will, add up to big results. If you can’t do a lot, do a little. It will be worth it in the long run.

LIVE YOUR VALUES

This quote could not come at a better time. It seems the world is arguing about whose values are right. Many people are doing their best to force their values on others. That never works. Why, in the year 2025, have we not figured that out is beyond me. If we truly feel our values are ones other people would benefit by adopting, there is only one way in which we can have them desire to do so. Notice I did not say convince or force them to. When we attempt to do that, it creates resentment and often negatively represents whatever value we are attempting to inspire others to adopt.

The one way in which we can demonstrate to others the benefits of adapting this value is to live it ourselves. If we are advocating a particular health lifestyle, but we are sick all of the time and lack energy, it would seem unlikely anyone would follow our advice. In my line of work it is much the same. I wrote a book titled, Living the Dream. If you ran into me and saw that I was in a constant state of depression, my health was poor and so was I, would you be likely to buy the book? I know I would not. The reality of the situation is that I have people asking me the secret of my happiness and the relationship I share with the woman I love. I guess I could tell them to “Read the book.”

It is not just what is in the book, but the fact that I live and practice the activities that I wrote in there. If you read that book, available on Amazon I might mention, you will have the very same tools and strategies that I use in my own life. Speaking of my amazing lady, there is another secret to living your values – having people in your life that call you out when you are not. It can be a bit frustrating when I am busy feeling sorry for myself and I hear my love’s sweet voice ring out, “That is not living an attitude of gratitude.” Having someone who holds you accountable is one of the best tools to living an amazing life. We all slip from time to time. Having someone remind us of the values we hold dear is worth its weight in gold.

MAKE LIFE MORE INCREDIBLE THAN YOU IMAGINED

I cannot say this enough, so apparently I will say it again today. If you are really searching for the secret to an amazing life, and if you are reading this site I can only assume you are, start with changing your focus to gratitude. Why do we focus on this one emotion so much here? Gratitude is so powerful that if you truly put it to use in your life, it will turn the life you have into the life you love. It will feel like magic. Why? Because life really is magical. We have just become blind to it. It is like walking over a diamond in the sidewalk on the way to work everyday. Actually, it is better than that. Having an attitude of gratitude is more valuable than a diamond.

Have you ever noticed how your thoughts affect your mood? Your mood, after all, is your life. If you are angry and pissed off, your world will be angry and pissed off. If you are someone who is always looking for the beauty in what is around them, you will be someone who always sees the world as beautiful, even in the darkest of times. If you want to live a life that is amazing, you must start to look for and focus on what is amazing. To help this, try speaking about what is amazing. Speak of your blessings. Les Brown once said, “Nobody wants to hear your problems. 80% don’t care and 20% are glad it is you.” That is not to say don’t reach out if you need help, just that you focus on your blessings.

In life we all have struggles. We also all have blessings. Look around you. There is so much beauty and joy to be discovered it is inconceivable. Look at the face of someone you love. Think of how much they love you despite all of your quirks and flaws. Think of the beauty and kindness of all the souls you cross paths with. Every person blesses the world in ways we may never understand. Begin by sharing one thing you are grateful for every day with others. See how much this transforms your life. Imagine how you make others feel when you enter a room with the phrase, “Do you know what I am so grateful for today?” It may encourage others to acknowledge all of the blessings in their life as well.

THE BEST PATH IN A WORLD OF HATE

It can seem the world has become a little dark lately. The news, which I do my best to avoid at all costs, has been filled with stories of anger and tragedy. Many people’s hearts are filled with the same. Even if you are not part of the problem, it can be hard not to feel the effects of the problem. What can you do when the world feels like it could collapse at any moment? My answer? Be grateful it hasn’t.

Self-care becomes even more important for the individual when the world seems to need it. More about that in a second. It can feel quite difficult to even leave the house when the outside world seems crazy. First of all, sometimes the answer is not to. Stay home. Have a glass of wine and watch a movie. Maybe craft with your kids while listening to some fun music. Maybe have a glass of wine while crafting with the kids. Just don’t craft the kids with a glass of wine. In all seriousness, sometimes the answer is to shut out the world and enjoy a little peace. While doing so, change your focus to what you do have to be grateful for. This can seem difficult at first, but stick with it. After spending time with self-care and gratitude, you would be amazed at how much the world can change.

Eventually, you may have to leave the house. What then? How can you survive in this crazy world without losing your mind. Remember that self-care and gratitude? Practice it on others. Let others know that they are appreciated and why. If you can practice acts of self-care, like paying for the coffee of the person behind you, then do that. Share smiles and reassurance. Know the overwhelm you feel is often felt like others that may just be hiding it better. Everyone loves to know they are appreciated and everyone loves the gift of genuine kindness. Even the ones who do not appear to. They are the ones who need it the most.

Next time the insanity of the world has you feeling overwhelmed, take time to escape for yourself. When you do go back out into the world, share kindness, compassion and gratitude with as many as you can, as often as you can. This will not only help you feel better, it is also the only way in which we can heal the world.

NEVER STOP! IT WILL OUTLIVE YOU

How easy is it to get sucked into the divisive and hate fueled ways of the world today? Sadly, far too easy. What we should focus on is our legacy. What will the world remember about us? Will we be part of a group that rallied against another, or will we be a person who shows others kindness, compassion and understanding? That is the choice we have to make. Not only daily, but often hourly in this crazy world. We may slip, but it is important to keep working our hardest to be a ray of light in a world that can often be far too dark.

We daily have a choices. Will we be a person who sows division or unity? Will will feed communal anger or strive for individual joy? Understand the former may get you accolades from those around you at the time. Choosing to go against the grain and be a light can not only prevent you from the cheers of those seeking to divide the world, but can leave you feeling ostracized and cast out. Relish the fact. Use that solitude to think of the legacy you will leave behind. If you have brightened the life of just one person, you have done more than all of those pushing the narrative of ‘us against them’. It may leave you lonely. It may leave you feeling left out. It may not always be easy, but it will always be right.

MAKE WHO YOUR WHY

One of the secrets to an amazing life is to have a strong ‘why’. Knowing the reason you are doing things, or the goal you are striving for will allow you to make it through some pretty tough challenges. You do not have to even being chasing a specific goal. Sometimes the challenge can be working to become the best version of yourself. Sometimes that challenge can be remaining a decent human in a world that is trying to change that. It is then that you can really be tested. Why go to work when everyone else at your place of employment is always calling in sick? Why work so hard when most of your wages go for a government that cannot balance their own budget? These are thoughts we all have at some point in time.

When you are busy saving for that vacation, or gifts for a loved one, it is easier to get up and get out of bed. Most of the time, we are working just to keep the lights on and a roof overhead. This is not as inspiring. Even becoming the best version of ourselves is not the most motivating on the hardest days. What then? The answer is not why, but ‘who’.

If you need an outside source of motivation and inspiration, look no further than those you love. Eric Thomas does a whole video on this, but we can look at it in a nutshell. For me, on the days that I do not feel like being the best version of me, I look at a picture of my beautiful lady. She does so much to show she loves me, how could I not give her the best version of me? She believes in me, even when I do not believe in myself. I think of my mother who raised me. Would she really want to be responsible for a man who grew to be less than he could be? How about my friends who are struggling and could use an example of perseverance? Of course, you – the wonderful readers of this blog. I owe it to all of you who spend your time and energy to read and apply what we share here.

Next time you are tempted to stay in bed and rest, or not give your best on a project, ask yourself some tough questions. “Do I love sleep more than I love having the respect of my spouse?” “Would being lazy be more rewarding than my children respecting the person I am?” Even though you already know the answers, ask them anyway. It may lead to you begrudgingly going ahead with what you have to do, but you will be able to lay your head down and sleep with peace that night. You will learn that often the best ‘why’ is really a ‘who’.