IT’S ALWAYS A GOOD TIME

Here is a great secret to an amazing life, enjoy it, all of it. Easier said than done right? What about a dentist appointment? What about a trip to the doctor? What about work Monday morning? I do understand that some things are easier than others, but there are a few simple things that we can all do to turn even a challenging experience into a fairly good one.

First of all, spend time with good people. Have you ever have had a great moment ruined by spending it with somebody who was not all that fun? I am sure we all have. I once was on vacation with a gentleman who found the thorn in every rose. We were at a tropical resort and he complained the food was not the right temperature or wasn’t seasoned right. Never mind it was all-inclusive and we could have whatever we wanted. He even complained when our taxi was 10 minutes late to go on a shopping trip. He made the vacation more stressful and less fun than had he stayed at home. On the opposite side of the spectrum my lady and I stayed in a hotel where we found the toilet didn’t work. We let the desk clerk know before we left for work. When we returned not only was it not fixed, they left us a plunger in case we wanted to give it a go ourselves. I ventured down to the front desk to express my discontent only to find a desk clerk who was in his mid 80’s and moved at a speed slightly faster than the speed at which grass grows in the winter. We left right away for the room and an hour later when he arrived he looked at the plunger and asked me “Have you tried this?”. I watched as this man who barely moved attempted to plunge our toilet. After what seemed to be something slightly less than eternity I inquired if they just had another room we may have. He said he wasn’t quite sure and didn’t know how to look up such things on those “New fangled computers”. Sensing there was not much we could do at this hour I thanked him and sent him back to his desk which hopefully he made before the sun came up. Do you know what happened the rest of the night? My lady and I talked, drank wine, watched movies and broke into moments of hysteria when we mentioned the man or the toilet. Still do to this day. As for the bathroom, we ended up having to use the one in the hotel lobby. The point is even the worst situation can be made fun with the right person.

The second thing we can do if we happen to be all alone, or stuck with the first type of person I mentioned is what I mentioned at the end of the last story. Which is that very thing, know we are at least going to get a good story out of it. Then ask yourself, what is funny/good about this? In the beginning this may be a challenge, but after a while you will be amazed at the lemonade you can make with the lemons life hands you. Good luck and feel free to share this post and your stories below.

GIVE IT UP ALREADY!

The year has come to an end. This is the time a lot of us start thinking about resolutions. Personally I am not a fan of them. I find them to be weak and most of them don’t last. That is why the parking lot at the gym is always less crowded in March than at the beginning of the year. So why do resolutions not last? I mentioned them being weak, that is because they seldom have purpose and a reason, or strong ‘why’ behind them. If you are ready, this year let us try something different.

Here is the idea, instead of writing things you want to do in the new year, sit down and write who you would like to become in the new year and why. Would you like to be healthier? Why is that important? Would you like to be less stressed? What benefits will that bring you? Sit down and write this out. A complete description of who you are committed to becoming and the reasons or why for that.

Now look at the picture above this blog. It is a list of things to give up to improve your life. It is a good list, offers reasons why, but I want you to create your own. Look at the person you are committed to becoming in 2016. Now think about what things in your life currently do not belong in a person like that. Write them down. This is your list of things to limit or remove from your life. Much like the list above you might want to include a why as well.

Now understand as you go through the year, especially at first, you may slip up and do, say or be some of those things. That’s ok. The goal is to do them less until you can finally cleanse your life of any behavior that does not work in your new self. If you can quit them right away, congratulations. If not, do not worry. Old habits die hard and as long as you keep at it you will triumph. Do not get down on yourself, become your own cheerleader. If you notice yourself faltering, instead of judging yourself, just notice how less you are doing it and be determined to go even longer the next time.

On a personal level, however you celebrate the new year, do so safely. I value all of you and look forward to teaching and learning from each other in 2016.

MAKE SURE YOU ARE LOOKING FOR THE RIGHT THING

This is something that may be difficult for a lot of people. In fact, when you are under emotional distress it can be difficult for just about anyone, including an author/blog writer/postal worker. When you are having a disagreement the natural urge is to discover who is the one to blame for the upset. I have been guilty of this myself, if you don’t believe me I am sure my beautiful lady would back me up. Here is what I learned, Most of the time the fault is usually shared. Here is something else I have learned, finding out whose fault it is does little or nothing to fix the issue at hand.

So what should you be looking for? A solution, or as the picture above says, a remedy. Ask yourself this question, what would be the ultimate outcome? Let us say your spouse said something that really embarassed you in public. First of all, chances are they did not intend to do so, and if they did you may wish to question your choice of spouse. Now if you argue about whether it was their fault for saying it, or yours for not letting you know that won’t solve you feeling foolish. The ultimate goal here is to have your spouse know what bothers you and to hopefully have the situation not happen in the future.

This takes practice and trust me if you can try it first on an issue that is not so heated it works a lot better. Ask yourself what you would like to happen, what is your goal going forward? Then, ask yourself how you can best recruit your partners help in that matter. Here is a clue, saying “It is your fault” does not often lead to a feeling of cooperation. Rather let them know that you understand they did not mean to upset you and that you both would like to avoid that in the future. Then ask for their help in coming up with a solution. Having them involved creates a feeling of working together. Whether it is an intimate relationship, a friendship or even a coworker you are in this together and things work a lot better if you work together.
This works even better if you can begin by admitting your share of the fault to begin with. That takes the pressure off of everyone. It may also take the fire out of the arguement to some extent. It works even better if you are to follow it up with something like “I would like to work together to make sure we don’t have this problem in the future. What can I do on my end to help that?” To often we like to tell people what they should do, but in reality whether or not that will happen is up to them. Showing that you are willing to work on things on your side demonstrates good faith and a desire to clear up conflict.

So in the 2016 let us work to find remedies, not fault.

A FUN ACTIVITY THAT MAKES YOU SMILE

You are awesome!!! Yes you, right there reading this. Day to day we our heads and ears are filled with news of what we are doing wrong, of what we need to improve in our lives. These are all important things to know, but every story has two sides, and you my dear friend, are your greatest story!

Today we are going to pay ourselves back. This activity will need roughly 30 minutes of your time. So feel free to read through this and set it up for when that time is available. Give this gift to yourself.

Ok, ready? Here is what you will need, time and a pen and paper or other way of recording your thoughts. That is it. First step, title your paper “Things that rock about me” or “things that are great about me” Yes I know this sounds crazy, but stick with me I promise you it will be worth it. Now simply start to think about things you do well. If this seems tricky at first that is ok. We are taught to be humble. We are taught focusing on how great we are sounds arrogant. That is not at all what we are talking about here. We are talking about a balancing of the scales. We will be using this information to improve both our lives and the world around us.

Know this, a person who is aware of what is great about themselves, about what is beautiful about themselves can more easily put themselves in situations that allow them to shine and also bring them joy. What would your life and your future be like if you knew you would daily find yourself in situations where you would be using your talents to the fullest? Where you could accomplish great things and do so with ease? Life would be pretty great wouldn’t it? Well today and tomorrows posts will allow us to do that, so please take time to complete this.

Still staring at a blank page or computer document? Let me give you some ideas on my list.

Things that kick ass about Neil

I enjoy talking to people and learning about them
I love to read and learn new things
I never allow myself to feel like a victim
I work to empower others

Even if you can only come up with one or two for right now do not worry, you can always add to it. Now take your list and put it somewhere you see every day. Put it by the mirror, the coffee maker on your dashboard. Anywhere you will see it. That way when you hear your boss tell you what you lack in, you can know there is something great in you as well. When you see that commercial on TV about how you should be a size 2, you will know while you are working toward being the healthiest version of you that there is already greatness inside of you.

Ok, next post we are going to look at how to use this list to do more than just motivate you and have you feeling good.

THE POWER OF BELIEF

Yesterday we discussed ways to improve your inner dialog. If you missed that I highly suggest you go back and review that. The sad truth is often people look to outside sources to determine their worth. When you do that, you set yourself up for disappointment and failure. We must all find a way to believe in ourselves.
Why is this so important? In any worthwhile endeavor, any goal worth chasing there very well be moments you are left on an island. Even our well-meaning friends and family may tell you to give up on your dream. Perhaps they are looking out for what they think is your emotional wellbeing and want to prevent you from taking the hits life delivers. What sets a person apart is how many of those hits he can take and keep moving forward. My blog and history in general is full of great heros who only succeeded because they didn’t give up. People like Walt Disney whose idea for Disney land was turned down by 300 different banks because it would never work. Or Thomas Edison who tried over 10,000 different items to find which worked for an electric light bulb. Not only did these men have great belief in themselves, they brought greatness to the world by doing so. What greatness are you denying the world by not believing in the miracle that is you? Do yourself a favor and belive in yourself, even if you have to put on a white beard and red suit

FEED YOUR MIND

I took this picture from a site called “metalmotivation.com” it brings up a very good point. Your mind, no matter how little it may be used, craves input material. Leave what goes in to chance and you are putting yourself at great risk. What do I mean by this? Think of the programing you hear on the radio or TV, a good portion of that is not to positive. Do you have anyone in your life that may be “sunshine challenged”? A coworker or friend perhaps? How about the talk around the office?
What I’m pointing out here is there are a lot of negative influences pouring into our minds every day. What can we do about it? My mantra has always been “the best way to decrease the negative is to increase the positive” so find some motivational material to feed your brain. I listen to some motivational cds on the way to work. When I am feeling a little lazy or unproductive i go to YouTube and search “motivational video” i recommend trying that. Give your brain something positive to chew on the next time the boss is chewing you out.

A LIVING TREASURE

It amazes me in our current culture how little value is placed on our senior citizens. They have seen more and experienced more than most of us. Whatever most of us are going through they have a story they can relate. They can also give us a gift of foretelling our future to a great extent. What do I mean by this? People that are older than us have not only seen a great deal in their own lives, but have seen a good many others live their lives as well. They essentially know if you play the game this way, the end result will be this.

The trouble is, when we are young it can be difficult to fully understand, or believe what they are telling us. Having not lived the amount of years they have, or experiencing what they may have went through it can often seem like we are speaking two different languages. So why would it be important to listen to someone speaking a language we don’t? In this case everyone will eventually learn this language.

Finding this all a little hard to follow? Let me share a personal story with you. My grandfather was one of the most important and influential people in my life. We had plenty of private conversations where he shared with me what he knew of life. There were times I found it hard to maintain interest and even others when I thought he was crazy. My grandfather passed away almost two decades ago. Here is the amazing thing, some of what he taught me I am only now able to understand. He teaches me, and I learn from him to this very day, almost 20 years after his passing. There are always moments when I wish he were still alive to clarify a point, or to answer a question. It is then I realize I should have paid more attention to the words he spoke when he was here.

So yourself a huge favor, when an elder speaks to you make sure you listen. They are our greatest teachers and our living treasures.

YOU DO HAVE CONTROL

“I would be angry a lot less if my wife/husband would be more understanding and not make me so angry” “I would love to be more positive, but everything keeps going wrong for me”

Have you ever heard others around you saying phrases like this? Have you ever found yourself uttering the same type of phrases? Today’s post is about one of the hardest lessons I have ever had to learn. I once heard at a seminar that nobody can make you feel anything, that all emotion comes from within. My first instinct, as is so often the case was to challenge that notion. After all, how can the girl who just broke my heart not make me sad? How can the person who just said something hurtful and insulting to me not affect me?

Did you ever notice that some people can be put through the same event, but come out feeling two completely different ways? Have you ever told a friend “I don’t know how you stand that, I would have been so mad” or something more colorful? How can people be affected so differently by the same things? The answer is simple, and a bit hard to believe, but once you understand it will give you a personal freedom you may not have ever had. How we feel about any given situation is based on the meaning we attach to that situation. Does the person who is insulting us really suffer from some internal pain we do not know of? Are they really jealous of us and therefore put us down to make themselves feel better? I know it can really be hard to not be affected negatively by outside situations. Believe me between adults that act more like teenagers and last minute adjustments to my seminars, I have had lots of practice deciding what challenges mean to me. So how do you start to change your course from ‘reaction’ to ‘action’? The quick easy answer is change your question. What do I mean by this? When you are faced by a seemingly negative situation there are 3 questions you should train your brain to ask. Perhaps writing them down on a small piece of paper may help as you are beginning. They are as follows. 1) What else could this mean? as we mentioned earlier in the case of the person insulting you, maybe they were hurting or maybe even jealous of you. Perhaps they have really low self-esteem or maybe it might be an issue people insult them with as well. 2) What can I learn from this? Sticking with our previous example, perhaps the person is simply pointing out an aspect of your life you need to work on, and just doing so in a very unhealthy way. Sometimes all you learn is that person acts like an ass. Why is this important to learn? When they do so in the future you will know that is just who they are and take it with a grain of salt. 3) How can I use this? Out of all of the questions I find this one to be the most powerful. It puts negativity in your life to work. You could use the persons insult to remind you to treat others with more compassion. You could let it serve as a practice for these principles. In my own life recently when my seminar was forced to relocate a mere 15 minutes before it was set to begin, I used that as an example of how to remain positive in the face of negativity. Which just so happened to be what the seminar was about in the first place.

Trust me this is not always easy. It is something that you can work on over a lifetime. Controlling your emotions instead of letting them control you sounds so simple, but takes a lifetime to master. Just last night I dropped the ball on this one. So what to do when you do mess up? My suggestion is the same as above. If you have already reacted and let others actions get the best of you, do yourself a favor and ask the three questions anyway. Why? It will both give you some insightful answers and a way to put this to work for you as well as begin to show you the power of acting from your own place instead of reacting to their emotions. It will also show you how in control and wonderful you can feel in the face of situations and emotions that used to challenge you. If you continue to react time and time again, just remember a certain blog writer/self-improvement author is still working on this himself.

THE MOST POWERFUL SECRET

People always are asking me, “what can I do to become happy right now? What is the single quickest way to turn my life around completely?” I must confess I cringe at this question. Let’s be real the passion and joy did not get sucked out of your life overnight and it probably will not come back overnight. Still, I understand we live in a nanosecond world where everything is expected yesterday. So I am going to share a simple thing you can do that will turn your life around like magic. Yes, I said like magic. If you do what I am going to suggest In a mere few days your life will not be close to the same. Before I share this, however, I have a word of caution. Do not overlook what I am about to tell you. It is so simple you may be tempted to not see the immense transformative power in what I am about to tell you. Do us both a favor and prove me wrong. How? Try the secret power I am about to let you in on for a month. You can even take off on the weekends. Just put this into practice Monday through Friday for a month. If it doesn’t change your life for the better in major ways feel free to let me know.

So what is this crazy magic spell you can put on yourself? What magical items will you need? Ok all you will need is a pen and a piece of paper. Not to magical right? Wrong. These items will change your life if used properly. So what to do with them? Simple, every day write between 5 and 10 things you are grateful for that day. Sounds easy right? To be honest it really is. So many things happen each day that we can tend to overlook given our focus on things that may not have gone the way we planned. Doing this simple list will do two very important things for you. First, it will help you to focus and remember things that have gone well in your day and serve to balance out the scale a bit. Second, and here is where the magic begins, it will begin to have your mind on the lookout for things to be grateful for that you can write down.

Ok, one more magical step. As you are laying down to sleep look over your list of things you were grateful for that day and pick the best one. whether it be the one you are most grateful for, the one you liked the best. It doesn’t really matter, just pick the one you like the best. Then recall that event, say the words “Thank you” to yourself, or even out loud is better and feel the gratitude for that event. repeat this at least Monday through Friday. You can do all seven days of the week if you would like, but if you would like the weekends off go right ahead. Here is a secret, the more items you write and the more days you do it the more powerful the change in life will be. Do this for a month and I promise you a new life, and a new person will greet you in the mirror.

THE MOST IMPORTANT LOSS PREVENTION

One of the most frequent questions I am asked about positivity is this; “isn’t there more important things than being happy?” or “what is so important about being happy?” Often people see focusing on themselves as being selfish. After all what good can I do by being happy? What difference does it make if I am happy around others or not? Here is a very emotional answer to that question.

Less than a year ago a high school classmate and friend of mine, David, killed himself. This morning his mother invited my lady and I to an suicide awareness walk. What I learned there will forever change me. I want to share a good deal of that with you here today and it is my sincerest wish that you share it with everyone you know. In fact, I challenge you to do so. The main point they kept repeating was removing the stigma of suicide. Which had me asking myself my own thoughts on suicide and what I knew. Here is some of what I learned.

Myth: suicide has warning signs. Usually the people are depressed or talk about it. I would know if anyone I knew was thinking about it.

fact: The people who led today’s walk were parents of a 13 year old girl who was a straight A student. She killed herself about 2 years ago. She was always happy, a musician, into sports and had a lot of friends. The fact is you never know what people are dealing with on the inside. You never know when your joking sarcastic comment could really hurt. You also never know how important a kind word and a smile might be.

myth: Suicide is an extreme and rare situation I will never have to deal with it.

fact: according to the American federation of suicide prevention(afsp) One person commits suicide every 13 minutes. that is over 110 people a day. When this walk began there was 100 people there. Today there was over 1000. There were people who lost children, parents, siblings, friends and classmates. suicide touches a lot more people than a lot of us realize.

myth: people who commit suicide are “crazy” or “weak” or just plain “selfish”

fact: Of the 110 people we lose to suicide a day 22 of them are veterans. These are brave men and women who sacrifice the safety of their own lives to defend ours. They leave the love of their family knowing full well they may never return. When they do they are never the same. They see things most of us will never know. When they return they need our love and support more than ever. They also need our understanding.

Those of you who know me well know the question that is foremost in my mind. What can we do to help this growing problem. an easy step is to go to American federation of suicide prevention and become a field advocate. Let your voice be heard. One of the greatest issues facing those who need help is the ideas we have about people who have mental issues such as depression, and social anxiety. The truth is one in four of us has some form of mental illness. Remember to treat others with compassion and understanding. Signs of their struggle may not always be visible on the outside. Understand the truth about suicide and inform others. You would be amazed what I learned merely attending this walk. Please click on the link above to learn more. Also know the suicide prevention hotline which is 1-800-273-8255. Never be afraid to ask someone if they need help. It is not offensive, it is a sign you care.

Finally, work on yourself. Try to limit the stress and negativity in your own life. Find ways to grow your bliss and joy. Bring that joy to others. Limit your use of sarcasm and ‘joking insults’ you never know what someone may be dealing with. Also do your best not to judge others. My lady was saying how quick some of us are to assume the person who is out of shape is lazy, when it could be a genetic issue or perhaps stress from losing a loved one. The person dressed poorly could be going through a hard economic time and not have many options in what to where. Share a smile and a kind word wherever and whenever you can. It is free and can change a life or even save a life. Share this website http://www.secret2anamazinglife.com with anyone you can. I will promise you to do my part with bringing as much joy and positivity as you can. Let us all be a light to those in darkness.

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