Tag: Neil Panoisan

TAKE TIME FOR YOURSELF

This is me, reading at Starbucks. Usually when I’m here I am busy writing these blogs, working on my next book or enjoying the company of good friends.

Not on this day though. No, I was enjoying the feeling of the sun on my skin and the great book we spoke about yesterday. The great thing about doing this is that in addition to being very relaxing, it also helps the time I’m working.

When you relax it gives your brain a chance to straighten everything out. That way when you focus again, your focus will be so much better and your productivity will be that much better!

So don’t feel guilty taking time to relax. In fact, know by doing so you will be making your work time even more productive!

WHAT WE CAN LEARN FROM SAD EVENTS

Many of you may know that the lead singer of Linkin Park, Chester Bennington, committed suicide on July 20th. There is a very important lesson we can take from this. By all accounts Chester can be considered a man who had it all, at least how it is defined in modern society. He was a famous front man of a popular band who had sold millions of records. He had a large bank account which allowed him access to almost any material thing he could desire. He had millions of adoring fans. He had a family.

If a man who seemingly has it all can find himself in a place where he feels ending his life is his best option, what about the rest of us? What about the man who just lost his job? The woman who has been the victim of sexual assault? A category that really stands out is Veterans. After seeing the horrible things that man can do to each other in the name of war, and maybe even having to do some of them as well, how can they deal with the reality of that?

In case you have not been personally touched by suicide or think it is something that just happens to somebody else, please allow me to share a few statistics from the American foundation for Suicide Prevention (afsp) According to their website

  • Suicide is the 10th leading cause of death in the US
  • each year 44,193 Americans die by suicide
  • for every suicide there are 25 attempts.

If you multiply the last 2 stats that means over one million people were at a place emotionally that they tried to take their own lives. Although I am certainly filled with love and compassion for those individuals, I am also often frustrated that we lose so many amazing souls each and every day. This blog is all about living an amazing life, so to see so many losing theirs breaks my heart.

Being a solution oriented person, the question that screams in my mind loud as can be is this, “What can we do to help?” This is both a complicated and simple question. The reasons for suicide are as diverse as the people affected by it. Even a quick glance at the statistics page on the AFSP website can shine a light on some ways to help. Native Americans have the highest rate of suicide, the rate of suicide is highest in middle age, and many more insights. I highly recommend visiting their website, a link will be listed at the end of this blog. There you can find ways to help including, but not limited to, joining your local chapter of AFSP, knowing the warning signs, walks to bring awareness and a host of other valuable information.

On a personal level I encourage you to do 2 more simple things that can make a big difference. First, occasionally inquire with all of your friends, whether they are seemingly doing well or not. If the death of Mr. Bennington taught us anything is that someone who seems to be doing quite well can be silently suffering. When you do ask, take time to really listen. That is what can truly make a difference. Second, and I find this to be fun, genuinely compliment everyone you know. I am not talking about some silly flattery, but letting them know how much they mean to both you and the world. Do they make you laugh? Have they given you a good memory that helps you through the tough times? Imagine what a difference you could make in their life no matter where they are emotionally. Being genuinely appreciated is one of the greatest gifts we can give one another.

LINK FOR THE AMERICAN FOUNDATION FOR SUICIDE PREVENTION

JUST PUSH THE MUTE BUTTON

The other night we tested our new equipment while DJing. I am still learning all of the buttons, knobs and controls. One of the controls that I have figured out is the button you see lit up in this picture.

What this button does is mute whatever channel is operating. In this case happens to be my microphone. When you push the button and the red light comes on you cannot use that channel. In this case even if I had the microphone on and the volume all the way up you would not be able to hear me. That is beyond my regular projection.

This would be about all to this post if this was a blog about being a DJ or sound equipment, but it is not. It is a blog about improving your life and steps you can take to do so. Sometimes improving our lives involves a mindset change. A different way of looking at things. Here is how these two items correlate.

During the course of our show I spoke to two of my friends about negative people in their lives. One of them spoke to me about how they feel some people who perform rather well judge her. Certainly, we do everything at our shows to make sure the focus is on fun and enjoying yourself. A night out with friends should be just that. Personally I do my best to find something nice to say about everyone who performs. The goal of myself and my lovely lady Margie is to have people feeling better when they leave than when they came in. We do our best to make sure our shows our judgment free zones. You are welcome to come and perform no matter what your level of ability. We also encourage everyone to…well…encourage everyone. We hope people will think of our shows as much for the karaoke aspect as much as an opportunity to make new friends, have fun and be supported.

The other touched on an aspect that we also work very hard to limit and do without at our shows – gossip. She informed me that is why she prefers to come to our shows verses some others she has been to. When you work at several local bars there is always some amount of “He said/she said” or “Did you hear what she said about her?” kind of thing. It can creep into the act of merely trying to put on a good show and I must confess can be frustrating when you try to deal with it. We are blessed that Margie and I have made it clear that we want nothing but positive vibes at our shows and that gossip is not welcome. For the most part we are fortunate that most people respect that as well.

What does all of this have to do with a new mixer? Most of all the little red light and mute button pictured above? This is where it gets fun! Sometimes having a picture or analogy in your head can serve you quite well. In my case, when people around me start speaking negatively about someone, or gossiping in my head I push that button and the little red light comes on. In effect, I mute them. After which time no matter how much they tell me, or how loud they choose to tell me I simply can’t hear it.

I shared this idea with the two ladies I spoke with and now I am sharing it with you. When someone comes to you with an earful of gossip, or some negative conversation I encourage you to simply push the mute button. Do not let any of that to even enter your mind. The good news that the mute button on the mixer, as well as the one in the mind can be pushed again, allowing them to be heard, provided the person stops with the negative input. Just like a poisonous plant will only grow if it has access to food and water, negative conversation will only grow if it has an audience. Sure, there will always be people willing to listen to such nonsense, just make sure people know you are not that person. Watch the joy in your life increase tremendously.

I welcome any analogy or ideas you have for limiting negative people and their influence on your life. Please share with our readers in the comments below. I can assure you that there are a lot of people who are struggling to deal with this very topic.

A BAD WORD

When we are young we are told when we say a bad word. Depending on language and culture what these bad words are can be different. As adults, however, it seems we are left to our discretion as to what words are acceptable. Sure there are social rules, but they are sadly too often ignored.

I firmly believe there is a list of words that as an adult should be taken out of our vocabulary. Especially if as an adult you want to be a successful and driven adult. One of the first words I would recommend reducing, if not eliminating, is try. When I hear a person say they are going to try something it sounds weak to me. I am reminded of the quote from Yoda above.

In writing my next book I strove to answer the question everyone seems to ask me. That question is, “How did you become the person you are today?” There are a million different tools and tricks I use daily, but meditating on that question today I came to realize they all point back to one guiding principle. The thing that changed my life more than anything else can be, and has been, called many different things. In his best-selling book Think and Grow Rich Napoleon Hill calls it ‘definiteness of purpose’. In my own book I refer to it as your declaration, or life mission. When someone declares something they are not trying it. They are saying they will keep working at it until it is done.

Prove to yourself the truth of what we are talking about here. Find a place where you can be alone, or if you are confident feel free to try this right where you are. Pick a goal you would like to accomplish. For example, I am working on becoming a best-selling author. Now, relax, clear your throat and say you will try your goal. In my case, “I will try to be a best-selling author.” How does that feel to you? To me it feels like I will put in some effort, but the result is up to outside circumstances, something beyond my control. Now, stand up, maybe shake things out a bit, clear your throat again and replace the word ‘try’ with the word ‘determined’. It should sound something like this “I am determined to become a best-selling author.” Spoken with a sense of conviction and backed by a strong ‘why’ you can’t be beat. Judge for yourself. How did the second statement sound? To me it sounds like I will keep going until I find a way that works.

As adults we do not value both the power of words as well as the influence of our internal conversation has over our lives. Begin now to change your outer conversation and try to reduce and eventually eliminate words like ‘try’ and ‘impossible’. These words not only do not motivate us, but give us an out, or more directly, an excuse for not accomplishing our goals.

Feel free to share other words you feel should be eliminated from the vocabulary of successful people.

WHAT’S RIGHT? WHAT’S WRONG?

Does this picture resemble your brain at any given moment in time? We are going to use what we learned yesterday to help us here too. This website is not to tell you what to believe morally or spiritually. I think as long as you are trying to better yourself without harming others, whatever path you choose is up to you.

That being said, how then can we know if what we are doing is right, wrong, moral, pushing us in the right direction or leading us down the wrong path in life? Goals. As I have discussed in previous posts this word used to send chills down my spine. Maybe it reminded me too much of homework in school? Maybe the fear of ‘failure’ was causing me not to set goals in the first place. The last few years I have learned to not only embrace goals, but failure as well. Here is the secrets I have learned. Goals can be both a motivator as well as a compass. Failure? It is not an adversary so much as a teacher. It can also present us with new opportunity. One of the biggest failures I read about was at 3M. An employee was making a permanent adhesive. When they put it to use it was anything but. What happened to that adhesive that didn’t adhere to perfectly? Sounds like the definition of failure, right? We now use them as ‘post it notes’.

When you set a goal as to who you want to become it can help you with everything from your moral compass to the correct action to take on a project. Say you wish to become a great film producer, then learning about different cameras could be helpful while learning about bug spray not so much. Wanting to become an exterminator? The story would be the opposite.

Tomorrow we will look at one of my favorite exercises to keep you motivated and on track for the rest of your life. It will be a little dark, a little scary to some, but very enlightening to all. I look forward to talking with you all tomorrow.

DEFINE YOUR SUCCESS 

Success, each person’s definition of success is different. To some it is material acquisition, for some it is a sense of joy and peace of mind. This is a challenge to someone trying to come up with formulas anyone can use regardless of their definition. In an effort to discover what makes some people successful at what they do and prevent others from doing so, I have studied some of the greatest minds in the self-improvement industry.

The best definition of success I have ever come across is from Earl Nightingale. Earl is  often referred to as “The dean of personal development” as his scope of knowledge and experience is hard to rival. Earl was on the USS Arizona when it was bombed at Pearl Harbor. 1500 people died on that ship. Earl was one of 100 to survive. He went on to own several business and have his own radio program. He recorded a message to help his salesman called The Strangest Secret. Without much fanfare or advertising that message launched what is now known as the spoken word industry. I cannot recommend highly enough you get your hands on a copy of this valuable message.

This post is not just about Earl Nightingale, but the message he brought the world. His definition of success is “The progressive realization of a worthy ideal.” Read that quote a time or two more. Let it sink in. What it means is that a person who knows who they want to become and is working towards it is automatically a success. Why is that? It is because of goals. Having a concrete definition in mind of where you want to go and putting forth effort to get there. Even if it may seem you are momentarily moving backwards, you are still learning valuable lessons allowing you to move forward.

Once you pick your goal (mine is to help individuals reduce stress, increase joy and become the best versions of themselves) you will be able to know if what you are doing is working or not. Even if it happens not to be you are still learning what does not work. It was Edison who said “I never failed. I just learned 10,000 ways not to make a light bulb.” When you goal is clear, confusion is minimal and motivation is maximum.

SCHEDULE YOUR DESSERT 

 

This is me enjoying a ‘Mosaic’. It is a splendid combination of a crepe, mint ice cream and chocolate sauce. Once a year I find this delightful culinary treat at a local festival called ‘Bastille Days’. It is a festival celebrating the French culture. (Notice the Eiffel Tower behind me) Recently I have found an adorable blonde lady who is helping me appreciate the French culture a little more.

The funny thing about this dessert is the place that serves this dessert is about an hour away from my house. I suppose given a little bit of free time I could drive out there and get one most any day. Yet, scheduling it makes this a special moment and something to look forward to. Do you have events planned in the near future? If so, try thinking of every little thing you are looking forward to about them. Our Wisconsin State Fair is coming up soon which happens to be my favorite event every year. I am looking forward to going opening day with my lady and looking at our brick. Also, I am going with my mother on the day they give away awards for the best food. Thinking of, and planning all of these helps the excitement build and the moment more special.

Taking one example and putting it to work for us is what we are going to do here. I have many events coming up. A 5k run I am doing, my birthday on the 29th of this month, vacation shortly there after. Thinking about what I will enjoy about each and every activity will only make me more excited. Try to plan a dessert as often as you can. It doesn’t have to be food, just something special you are looking forward to.

Here is the best part, once you get good at doing this for things you enjoy you can try practicing it for things you do not enjoy so much. Hate going to the dentist? Maybe you can look forward to some books in the waiting room? Not looking forward to going to work? Think about a fun conversation with a coworker you can have. This takes practice, but really can improve your quality of life.

As always, I am interested in hearing your feedback on how this works for you and how you plan on using it.

WHO’S DRIVING?

This post is going to be very simple. This picture was captured at a red light. I sent it to my lady in an attempt to bring a smile to her face. She told me to her it looked like the dog was driving the car. To me that made the picture even funnier.

I encourage you to be on the lookout for funny scenes like this. Trust me, they are everywhere. You don’t have to take pictures of them, but you might want to so you can smile at them later. Share them with friends. This will do a few things. One, it will give you an album of pictures that can make you smile when you need it, which is always good. Second, it will get your brain in the habit of seeing the silly side of life. With reminders on every corner of all the trouble in the world, this can be a great skill to have. I bet after doing this for a while, you will see your mood get better and better!

Feel free to share what you do to stay focused on the silly side of life and feel free to share any fun silly pictures you have in comments below.

GRATEFUL FOR THE CHALLENGES 

This is my condition at present. I have a dislocated shoulder. Although on the surface this really sucks. Ok, maybe slightly deeper than the surface. Still, it is a reminder of the many blessings I have. My friend Bret was grocery shopping, but stopped to come drive me to the hospital. Sadly, due to the pain it wasn’t possible and an ambulance ride was required. In the ambulance staff I met 3 very genuine and caring men. I also discovered one cannot put one’s shoulder back in place without pain medicine. Then at the hospital the ER staff were very caring and courteous. The doctor, managed to get my shoulder back in and talk to me about tacos. Something I guess I did under the influence of the pain medicine I was unaware of.

Even more so, the gratitude group I started online sent so many good thoughts and vibes I am truly overwhelmed. Friends who were not part of the group also set messages of well-being. My lovely lady’s friend drove her to DJ when I couldn’t. The people at the show sent a lot of well wishes for my health and return. Even today when picking up medicine I met some fun people at the pharmacy and received a $25 gift card for bringing my prescription there.

Last, but by no means least is my lovely Margie. She has been making sure I have everything I needed. Even helped me tie my shoe before I left to write this. She even did our DJ show all by herself while I recover. She has drive, love and caring.

The point is that this situation, as unfortunate as it is, has brought to light, and reminded me of the many blessings I sometimes forget to notice as well as many I did not even know where there. They say you can only see the stars when the night is the darkest, and I sure do have a lot of stars that came to shine in this dark period.

There are challenges in this situation to be sure. Try, for example, using the other hand when you use the bathroom. Should be the same right? Not so much. While that is a problem I have to work on by myself, there are plenty others I can ask for help with. Myself, like many of you I am sure, are not big fans of asking for help. We are, however, big fans of giving help to those of our friends who need it. Why is that? It feels good to know we helped someone. I am glad to be able to give that pleasure to those who are helping me now. Not to mention, it gives me an extra chance to show my appreciation not only for their help, but for their friendship.

I would not recommend dislocating your shoulder (trust me this is #3) but if you find yourself in a situation you need help, remember that is a blessing too. Feel free to share some of the blessings you have noticed in your time of need or thank those who have helped you in the comments below.

SING YOUR SONG 

My lovely lady and I DJ 3 days a week. There is something I always find fascinating, after singing a few songs people are always on a much better mood. Even those who come in with a terrible outlook. I have also heard my lady’s lovely voice break out in song when she is in a great mood. This leads me to one not so shocking conclusion, people are happy when they are singing.

Above is a picture of Winnie the Pooh and a song he sings. I have always been a fan of this bear from a young man on. Very simple, laid back in short my kind of man…er…um… bear. You would be surprised what you can learn from reading these childhood stories as an adult. In fact, I would recommend checking out the book The Tao of Pooh when you get a chance. Back to the point of today’s post. I suggest we take a lesson from this lovable bear and develop our own song to sing when we need a little uplifting. Don’t worry you can even sing it to yourself if you are self-conscious. It need not be complicated and it only has to make sense to you. What if you are not that creative? Fear not, find a simple song you enjoy and use that. Soon enough you may find your own inner song.

I am Native American and we have songs for many different purposes. Some that give you strength when you feel down, some to honor veterans etc. I suggest trying to write one for yourself. It is easier than you may think. Just try writing down things that make you happy and then just try to work them into a simple little song. Again, this will not be heard on American Idol or by anyone in the music industry it is just for you and your happiness. When life has you down, having a little song to sing either out loud or even hum to yourself about all the things in life that make you happy can do wonders. It may seem silly at first, but even that should bring a smile to your face.

As an extra bonus try throwing in a few things you are truly grateful for. Feel free to share how this works for you in the comments below.