Tag: Neil Panoisan

THE MAN (OR WOMAN) IN THE MIRROR

This week is all about areas that affect our lives in a major way. Today we are going to talk about the person looking back at us in the mirror. It is time to give them a fresh look. When you see yourself in the mirror, what do you see? More importantly, how did you come to that opinion? If you were asked to describe yourself, what would you say? What if you could change that description? Even change parts of you that you may think could never be changed?

It is amazing when I hear people tell me “I am a procrastinator.” or “I am just not a happy person.” My first question is “Really? When did you decide that?” They will either give me one of those looks people give you when you ask thought provoking questions they do not expect, or I receive answers that include the following, “I didn’t decide, that is just who I am.” “I don’t know I have always been that way.” Sometimes an especially introspective individual will share with me some event from their childhood, or maybe their last relationship that prompted this belief. I listen carefully and calmly tell them, “Actually you did choose to be that way and you did so this morning.” Again, more crazy looks.

Here is the uncomfortable truth a lot of us do not like to consider. We choose daily who we are. If you are a person who is always running late, when could you decide to change that? If you are a person who was hurt by an uncaring person in your last relationship, when can you begin to deal with and heal from those experiences? The answer is right now. Let me assure you, I am not trying to make light of anything you have been through. I know a lot of you have been through very painful experiences. Allowing them to continue to hurt you, or to force you to live your life stunted, not experiencing the fullness of joy and love that is available to you is a choice we must make, consciously or unconsciously, every morning when we wake up. It may take seeking professional help or just reaching a point where you are sick and tired of being sick and tired, but you are the one who must choose who looks back at you in the morning.

Some of us have even allowed others to tell us who we are. Les Brown, one of my favorite authors and motivational speakers was told throughout his childhood he was educable mental retarded. It took an embarrassing moment of having to tell the teacher he was too ‘dumb’ to solve a problem on the chalkboard to change his life. What the teacher told him not only changed his life, but can change ours as well. The teacher walked around the desk, looked right into his eyes and said, “Never let someone else’s opinion of you become your reality.” Read that statement a few times. You may even want to print it out and hang it somewhere.

A lot of us were told by well-meaning (or not so well-meaning) teachers, parents and others growing up that we were not so good at this, or never will amount to that. I personally recall my senior year in high school my English teacher telling me, “I hope to God you never have a career in writing.” I have a website with about 800 posts and am about to publish my second book. More importantly, I have touched the lives of countless of people and will reach even more in the future. What if I listened to that teacher, and several classmates I might add, what would have happened? I never would have attempted to set up a website. I never would have believed I could write a book let alone more than one. All the lives I have helped? I never would have been able to reach them. Just thinking of that gives me a sadness in my heart.

Here is what I suggest. Take some quality time by yourself and think about who you would wish to be. Write down the ideas you come up with. It is vital you do NOT consider your current situation when coming up with this list. If I had done so back in my senior year, becoming a best-selling author and speaker would have never made the list. When you come up with your list take a good hard look at it. Then, take a look at that person in the mirror. Read this list to yourself every morning when you wake up and every evening before you go to bed.

Next time you reach for that twinkie, think of your list. If ‘I am a healthy vibrant individual’ is on there, you might want to give that a second thought. If you choose to eat that twinkie, remember you have made that decision. If you need help, seek help. Remember you and only you should define the kind of person you wish to be. It is time to take control of the person we see in the mirror. Tomorrow we look at another way in which we can gain leverage on ourselves and help move us in the direction we are wishing to go.

THE ONE THING YOU SHOULD DO FIRST TO CREATE AN AMAZING LIFE

Through the course of my writing here and in my books you will find a wealth of tools to help improve the quality of life. Use any of them and they will increase the level of joy, satisfaction and success you have in your life. There is one thing that will make all of them work even better. It is the most important thing you can do to begin to live a life you not only can be proud of, but enjoy living. It is so important that you should add it to every goal you write down, every New Year’s resolution you have and make it a part of your daily routine.

What could be so important? Before you start wondering if this is something you have ‘time’ to do, let me reassure you that it will take no extra time at all. It will take some extra effort in terms of remembering, but even putting forth this effort will bring a smile to your face. It would not be too over the top to say this would be a matter of life and death. Reason being, when you do this, life comes alive. You have excitement. The little things not only cease to get you down, you can view them in a more positive light.

Here is, in my opinion, the most important thing you can do to transform your life positively. Enjoy the journey. That may sound very simple and basic, but it is life altering. How many times have you heard, or even said, “I’ll be happy when…” Roughly 90% of our life is spent on our way from here to there. Even when you achieve the goal you are working towards, you can end up with a feeling of let down if you are not prepared with another.

If we spend 90% of our lives on a journey, we should do our best to find ways to enjoy that journey. A great example is when I began focusing on gratitude. If I chose to wait until I developed a grateful attitude to be happy, I would miss all of the great things I discovered on my journey there. Even when I messed up and began to focus on what I perceived as being ‘wrong’ with my life, I was excited because I knew that is what would eventually fade away.

As well as any tool of self-improvement has worked for me, enjoying the process of using it has been the greatest thing I have learned to do. When you are enjoying the journey of life, challenges become redefined as stepping stones. This may seem like putting on rose-colored glasses, but that is not true. We can seldom control, and then only to a limited degree, what happens in our life. What we have complete control over is what it means to us and how we can use it.

One of the journeys most of us seem to be on is one of becoming more financially comfortable. Instead of saying “I’ll be happy when I can afford a new car.” Which I did utter with the PT cruiser quite a bit, soak in that feeling. Not that you should relish in a bad feeling, but realize that is what it is showing you. Then focus on how great you will feel when your goal is accomplished. About the 832nd time my PT cruiser was at the repair shop (Only a slight exaggeration) I remember thinking how terrible it was to have to take time off of work to spend money so I could get to work. Then I remembered, I was one step closer to getting there. Of course I would loved to not have been there, but it was teaching me patience, allowing me to practice a lot of the tools I write about, preparing me to be grateful for the car I would have, among a million other things.

You may be thinking that is easy for you to do, but not me. It wasn’t in the beginning. Sitting in an auto repair shop watching your Jamaican vacation take the shape of a new muffler, it is hard to discover the joy in that. I managed to, and if a man with seasonal affective disorder can do that in the middle of the Wisconsin winter, so can you. It takes asking yourself new questions. “How can I use this?” “What else could this mean?” Not only asking yourself these questions, but coming up with positive answers. Trust me when I tell you this doesn’t happen overnight so do not get discouraged when the first answer you brain spits back at you is “Nothing! This situation sucks!” Certainly, it may not be your first choice, but what you do with that situation is 100% up to you. If you just sulk and dwell in the negative emotion it first gave you there is nobody to blame but you. This is not an easy change and will take a lot of practice, but enjoying the journey of life will transform your life and make everything else more enjoyable.

If I had one gift to leave this world when I am gone, it would be to help everyone enjoy the journey more. To that end, please not only share your suggestions for doing so in the comments below, but your challenges as well. Let us start a healthy conversation and help each other enjoy the journey we are all a part of, the journey of life.

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A SIMPLE BELIEF

This set of beliefs would be great for all of us to adopt. In today’s world with the internet, and modern transportation we are all brothers and sisters. What actions we take can affect others halfway across the globe.

In the same thought, what we do to the earth will affect not only us, but generations to come. The reason we should act as if we are all related is because, at the very core, we are all related. Our actions either heal or destroy. There is no action that does not have a consequence.

Today, more than ever we all touch each others lives. Let us all remember, we are all brothers and sisters.

TIME TO ADD!

One of the tenets of my philosophy has been adding positive to limit or eliminate negative. In my life this would translate to eating a salad to have a little less room for another slice of pizza. The premise here is that it is easier for the brain to add things verses subtracting them. It eliminates the feeling of depriving yourself and makes change easier and less painful. By doing so, your chances of success are greatly increased.

This does not always have to revolve around achieving a goal, or making a change in your life. Taking a few moments to stop and think of what you would like more of in your life can go a long way to giving you a life you really enjoy. That is the first thing I suggest we do today. Pick a time when you have a few minutes to yourself, it can even be fun to do this with your spouse or friend, as long as you both have your own list. Write down a handful of things you would like more of in your life. They can be things from the picture above, or things you just wish to do.

Here comes the part that a lot of you may find strange. Pull out your calendar, or put a reminder in your phone of days you would like to do these very events. Again, set yourself up to win by picking a day on which you can fairly depend. For example, Saturdays I work 2 jobs so there likely will not be much time to include new activities. Also, try to plan on the minimal side. What do I mean by this? Perhaps you would like to meditate 20 minutes every day? Start out by picking at least one or two days a week to do so. That way you can gain a feeling of momentum and success. Before long that momentum may carry you to every day. By contrast, if you pick every day and do not make it, it will give you a feeling of failure and that will go against having a more joyous life.

Why is this exercise so important? We schedule jobs, meetings and all sorts of obligations into our lives, it is vitally important we schedule some joy as well. If this seems like a foreign or crazy idea to you, consider how you feel as you are getting close to a planned vacation? Imagine that feeling, although perhaps to a slightly lesser degree, once a week? It will help return the passion and zest to life. Our lives, in addition to being of service to others, were meant to be enjoyed. If you are not loving your life a fair amount of time you are doing it all wrong. Sure, we all go through tough times, but having something to look forward to can even help with those.

Feel free to share with other readers some of the fun things you plan to add in 2018 in the comments below!

HOW DID YOU DO IT? WE NEED TO KNOW!

My next book will contain a new section titled “In the company of angels”. It is a collection of people who have faced a lot of challenges in life and remained positive. More important than their stories, which some of us may be able to relate too, are the ways they were able to overcome those challenges and hang on despite having every reason not to.

Here is where you the reader of this post come in. I am looking to add to that collection. If you would enjoy possibly becoming a part of my next book, I invite you to share your story with us here. Do so in the comments below. If I use your story, I will send you an autographed copy of the book when it is published. In addition you will inspire and help a lot of people who read this post.

We all go through pain and the best way to make use of it is to learn from it. The best way to make pain a gift is to use it to help others who may be going through a similar situation. In your story please include what you went through, how you were feeling and what allowed you to come out the other side with a smile on your face and joy in your heart.

WHAT I LEARNED FROM A BEAR

Margie and I saw the movie Paddington 2 the other night. If you are not familiar with the story of Paddington allow me to catch you up. He is a bear that lived in Peru, but found his way to London and was adopted by the Brown family.

Paddington is a lovable bear who, despite the best of intentions, often finds himself in sticky situations. Sometimes figuratively, often literally due to his love of marmalade.

Despite being very entertaining, there is often moral lessons to every Paddington story. It is one of these I would like to share with you.

Everywhere Paddington goes, he seems to make friends. That is due to his moral code installed in him by his aunt Lucy who lives in the home for retired bears in Peru. I know this all may seem a bit silly and over the top, but bear with me (every pun intended) I think we will all have a lesson we can use.

Paddington is a constant example of good manners and virtue. 2 of the lessons he got from aunt Lucy are, if you are courteous and polite the world will be right and if you look for the good in people you will find it.

Stop and think if everyone on earth took these two lessons from this lovable bear, how amazing would this planet be? Perhaps you don’t have a moral code, or even an aunt Lucy to give you one, but I’m sure Paddington wouldn’t mind if we borrowed his.

MASTER THE FUNDAMENTALS

Recently I was asked a very good question. “Neil, do you ever get angry or depressed?” Reading my material it would be easy to assume I am floating through life on a cloud, and to be honest, that is my general state of being. This is only possible because of the two decades of research and work in the self-improvement field, and even more so because of the continued work I do on improving myself.

There are days, however, that emotions get the best of me. Being an author and speaker does not make me immune to the trials life gives us all. In fact, 2017 might have been the single most trying year of my adult life. One dislocated shoulder, 3 cars, 4 funerals and 3 eulogies makes for a year you would rather not repeat.

A better question to ask is what difference all of this self-improvement work makes when life gives you a challenge. The difference it makes is that the tough times do not last as long, and generally become less intense. When you are focused on increasing the passion and joy you feel in life, you are not focused on anger and sadness.

There are days when both emotions creep up on even the best of us. Just last Saturday I woke up feeling very sad and I couldn’t even figure out why. Talk about frustrating. Here is what made the difference, fundamentals. The picture for this post is of one of my favorite philosophers, Fred Rogers. People always get a chuckle when I mention that, but he was a master of the fundamentals. Such as the title in the picture, “What do you do with the mad that you feel?” How many adults do not have a constructive way of dealing with anger? Quite a few I would say.

Having mastered the fundamentals of what works to calm you down and help you focus when you are angry, or cheer you up and change your focus when you are sad, makes a big difference. These tools can vary from person to person, but should be thought of and practiced before sadness strikes. When you are angry or depressed, you are most likely not in your most constructive and creative mindset. Having developed these tools ahead of time takes the thinking out of the situation which can be very helpful when you are in a state of high negative emotion. Like I tell people at my seminars, the time to learn to swim is on the shore, not when the boat is sinking.

Personally, I have a playlist of songs (you can also burn a CD of songs) that make me happy. I am constantly updating this list as I hear new songs and think of ones I have forgot. I also have a list of movies that make me laugh, places I enjoy going and even people I enjoy talking to. Being able to just push play and hear music to help me change my state, or grab a list of movies and pop one in and be taken away to somewhere happier for two hours without having to think about it has helped me more often than I can think of.

There are lots of other tools that make a big difference. I have a lot of them in my book, A Happy Life for Busy People and at my live seminars. The important thing to remember is that a lot of these should be set up and practiced daily to help you avoid falling into that state. When it can’t be helped, or when life just gets the better of you, then you will have tools you know work and have already practiced. You will have learned to swim on the shore.

One more thing I should mention makes a big difference, your posse. That being the people you surround yourself with on a daily basis. Make sure there are people in your life that know what makes you tick. Even if you have all of the tools, sometimes when you are in an especially dark place, or just one of those funks you can’t get out of they can help you remember what makes you happy even when you can’t. Last Saturday, I spoke with both my beautiful lady Margie, and my good friend Russ. Both of these people know me better than I know myself on occasion. They helped to remind me of what is important to me and what I should be focused on. Having a supportive network of encouraging and loving people can make the biggest difference.

UNDERWEAR AND NICKLES

Here is one of those odd conversations you have. My friend Russ and I were recently having a telephone conversation. We try to catch up with each other about once a week if we can. Russ is like the brother I never had. We share philosophy, jokes, memories and on occasion a weird topic tends to pop up. Today was one of those days.

After the usual update on each other’s lives the topic of underwear came up. Not sure who brought it up, or exactly how and why two men in their early forties found this to begin discussing new styles of underwear we came across and how comfortable the were and how well they performed while working out. We discussed the fact that they cost a little more than we are used to spending, but how we planned to slowly replace all of our underwear with these new, comfortable and costly style.

Reading this as I type it the conversation still seems a little odd. That is who are, two odd gentleman with a panache for discussing off the wall topics. Noting that, I said to Russ, if I had a nickel for every time I had a discussion like this, I would have…a nickel. We both agreed that those extra nickels would be best spent on the products we had been discussing.

A day later I began to think how a younger me would find spending so much money on something nobody else would see might seem foolish. As we grow older, our priorities  change. Suddenly buying those expensive shoes for the brand name, becomes more about buying the most comfortable and durable shoes regardless of the brand. Spending your extra nickels on underwear that keep you comfortable not only makes sense, but should be a priority. After all, you wear underwear daily, it is close to your skin and can make a big difference in the quality of your day.

Stop and think of what you are spending your nickels on. Is it to impress others? Are you focused on things that will make the biggest difference even though nobody else may notice? If you have a friend to have a crazy conversation with, be grateful, you never know where it may take you.

THE LANGUAGE OF CHAMPIONS

This is a picture of my lady, Margie, and myself. It was taken at the “Best of Milwaukee” awards put on by Shepherd Express magazine. Both of us were runner up in our categories. Even the bar we DJ at, actually all three, were nominated as well. How did we manage to accomplish all of that? By speaking the language of champions.

What on earth is that, other than some fancy catch phrase? It is a set of standards that people who excel in any field adhere to. Have you noticed that giants in different industries can often be seen together sharing ideas? Have you ever wondered what on earth can Bill Gates and Aaron Rogers talk about other than ways to spend large amounts of cash? I can’t imagine Bill gates in shoulder pads any more than I can imagine Aaron Rogers running a Microsoft board meeting.

What they do have in common is the way they approach their craft. The same way the couple above, an author and motivational speaker with a cake and floral designer, can discuss strategy. Margie has a hard time reading more than a page without falling asleep, and if I tried to design a cake it would have to be explained away as an example of what not to do. That being the case, I believe given time and desire both of us could learn to excel in each other’s field. Not to the level we are both at, because I believe there is something to be said about natural talent, but I do believe we could be successful. This is not to sound narcissistic, for anyone can learn to be this way too. We all know famous people who seem to go from the movies, to music, or perhaps the other way around. These people are not just lucky or extra talented, but know the secret language of champions. It is the language I am going to introduce you to.

This is the first secret. In the last 3 months I have been not only nominated for the award mentioned above, but have been featured in 2 publications, and the guest on a national podcast. My website now has followers in over 100 different countries. All of these milestones have been reached in the last 3 months.

That sounds like a lot of success for a short period of time. What is not mentioned is the 6 years I have been writing blog posts, the 5 years since my book was published, and the seminars I gave where at one point only 10 people showed up. Was I tempted to give up? Sure, several times, but I didn’t. I kept writing, I kept speaking and promoting. Later this year I will be flying across the country to speak to a industry convention. (More on that in a future post)

I know I will be successful because of all I went through. Champions look like champions on game day because of all the hours they put in at practice. My lady’s cakes look like masterpieces because of all the years she spent developing her craft. I swear she can do things with a spatula I never imagined.

Do things ever go wrong for her on occasion? Absolutely. I recall one day coming home from my day job while she was decorating a cake and asking her how it was coming along. She looked up from the cake, spun around and with a look that spoke of a mix of insanity and frustration began to explain to me what happens when it is too hot and humid and frosting melts as it is on the cake. Being that I am a fan of hot humid weather, I felt it would be best if I pondered this cake lesson…while working out at the gym.

What makes her a champion is she learned from that experience and has updated her freezer, checked the mix of the frosting and some other cake magic involving unicorns, fairy dust and other things I will never understand. That is what makes a champion, the work. Jim Rohn once said “You cannot pay anyone to do your pushups for you.” Champions know that and enjoy the pushups. They learn and understand everything they go through can either make them bitter or better and they choose the latter way more often than the former.

Enjoy the process. Learn and use what you are going through right now. In other words, work harder in the preseason and when the championship comes, you will be ready.