Tag: Advice

I FINALLY GOT IT!!

This is me…I believe that I am lost in thought here. At least that is what I am telling myself. If you have read my book or followed this blog for any length of time you know that I am an advocate of filling your life with motivational and inspirational things daily. In addition to that I recommend listening to them over and over again. Why would we want to listen to something we have already listened to? Wouldn’t we be better served listening to something new? Actually we should do a mixture of both. As to why we should listen to the same message several times, it is to get the most out of it.

Depending on our mood at the time we can hear and look at things in an entirely different way. Another reason is that as we experience different things in life we can appreciate things differently. Getting married changes our perspective on relationships. Being in a different economical bracket can change our opinions on what places to eat at. It doesn’t have to even be such major changes. Meeting new people, learning new things can all change how we view the world. Sometimes it takes hearing something several times for it to click.

I consider myself a reasonably intelligent person, but just the other day a concept I had understood on an intellectual level finally made sense emotionally. You could say I finally got the message in my spirit. That message is you have to give to get. The first time I heard it the message sounded like a paradox. How can you give the very thing you wish to receive? If you are looking for financial freedom how does giving away some of your money help? This was made clear through the help of many of my mentors. First, Earl Nightingale, the dean of personal development. Earl described the life some people live as sitting in front of a woodstove saying “Give me heat and then I will put in the wood.” It just doesn’t work that way. Zig Ziglar, another great speaker, put it this way, “You can’t pay anyone to do your pushups.”

Still the one that finally made it click was a video by Greg Plitt the late fitness model and motivator. I was close to hyperventilating on a treadmill while watching one of his videos. In this video he talked about people who go to the gym for the month of January and then give up because they are not seeing any results. He used a very great analogy. Imagine your body as a lump of cold clay. You place that clay on a pottery wheel and begin to try and shape it. You put some water on it as well as the friction and heat of your hands. What happens? At first not much. The clay has been sitting like that for quite some time, so even if you push very hard it will not move much. Now, keep spinning it and rubbing it with your hands and the clay begins to warm up. That is like starting to go to the gym when you are out of shape. Your body has not moved for years, now suddenly you are moving and working. It is like pushing on the cold clay, it doesn’t change very much. After the clay begins to heat up, however, it begins to get easier and easier to mold. If you stop and let the clay get cold again, you have to start all over. Most people just get to the place where they are about to see changes, or when the clay is warm if you will, and then stop. If only they had pushed on a little longer they would have seen the beginning of the results they were seeking.

Ok, great story, but what does it all mean. I realized then and there (maybe lack of oxygen had something to do with it) that everything truly worthwhile in life I had to give something to get. When I learned to bartend I studied great communicators as well as drink recipes. When I was getting in better shape I had given up some of my free time to the gym.

If you are looking at a specific goal take some time to think what you may have to give up to get that goal and start giving!

YOU NEED TO ARM YOURSELF

Arm yourself? Is this turning into a blog about gun control? Certainly not. If this phrase sounds a bit to confrontational for you, let me remind you of one thing. We are in a fight. Some of us may not look at it that way, but that is truly what it is. We are in a fight for control of our mind, our body and our spirit. Daily we are exposed to negative influences on social media, in advertising and even through the people and situations we come in contact with.

If we are honest with ourselves, hasn’t there been a day where stress and overwhelm has stolen our day? You had things you wanted to get done, but then something happened that just left you feeling totally drained and overwhelmed due to some stressful situation? Maybe it has even stolen some joy out of your day. You had a nice party to attend or lunch to enjoy with a friend and because of something you are overwhelmed by you can’t fully enjoy it? Sometimes it can even make the littlest thing seem so stressful. 

Have you ever noticed when you are totally stressed out that is when everything seems to fall apart? You are running late for work because your car won’t start, and because you are rushing you spill coffee on your lap. Then halfway to work you realize you forgot your cell phone and cannot tell your spouse you will have to stay a little later at work resulting in them being upset you will come home late without telling them.

Whew! I don’t know about you but that makes me tired just reading that story. So how do we keep from getting overwhelmed? I am going to share something I do that not only helps from getting me too stressed out, but also helps me improve my life and learn more than I ever thought I would. Care to find out what that is? I have developed that habit of asking two very important questions. Yes, that is it. Sounds easy doesn’t it? Well it is and it isn’t. All that is required is remembering two questions. You may even wish to write them down on a piece of paper because during stressful and overwhelming times trying to remember those two questions Neil told you to ask to keep from being overwhelmed can be…well…overwhelming. The ‘difficult’ part about this is learning to come up with constructive answers. There is no shortcut that I know of to being able to do this. What I recommend is to begin doing this today. You do not have to wait for stressful situations either. You can ask these two questions about any event in your life and the result will be more knowledge and more productivity.

So what are the two magic questions? I was beginning to think we would never get to them myself. Here is the first question, “What else can this mean?”. Let us say we were supposed to meet a friend for lunch at noon. Here it is 12:30 and we are sitting alone with no call or text. Our first reaction may be that our friend is rude, that they do not respect our time. These options could be true, but if we ask ourselves “what else can this mean?” we open ourselves up to other possibilities. Perhaps our friend was in an accident? Perhaps they are having a day like we described above? Maybe they are stuck in bad traffic and do not want to use their phone and are more worried about getting to us safely. Maybe we didn’t communicate the time correctly? Maybe they just do not understand how important being on time is to us? When we start to explore these other options it not only prevents us from being stuck in a feeling of anger and frustration, but surely prevents the friendship from taking too much of a blow even if we have to explain when we say to meet at noon we would really like to do so. Coming up with positive alternatives to negative situations can be tricky. Especially in the beginning when our brain is not used to it. To help it along we can pair it up with the second question.

Ah, the second question. This question is one of my favorites and has helped me survive quite a few stressful situations. If I was to be perfectly honest it has probably helped the welfare of the few of the people involved in stressing me out too. What is this question? When faced with a challenge and even one you may not be able to come up with a single positive meaning for, although I promise that will get easier with time, use the second question. Ask yourself, “How can I use this?” If you can find a way to get some good use out of a stressful situation you have, in effect, used it instead of allowing it to use you! How cool is that? When you realize there is something you can get out of a stressful situation it loses its power over you. Take our friend being late for lunch example. We could use that to practice patience certainly, but we can also use it to practice communicating something that bothers us with tact. We could use the extra time to do a quick meditation. Maybe we could read our favorite inspirational blog on our phone as we wait?

When stress comes knocking and bad things happen keep yourself armed with these two questions to fight off the effects of negativity and to keep from being overwhelmed. “What else could this mean?” and “How can I use this?” Feel free to list some of your examples of how you put a negative situation to use for you in the comments below and inspire other readers.

LET’S GET STARTED!!!

Last post we talked about improving our lives. Here is one simple way we can do just that. Work on strengthening our decision muscle. It is true one decision can literally change our lives. The decision to say “It’s over!” or “Let’s begin!”. Can you think of some decision you have made that has totally changed your course of life? Going to work at a certain place of employment? Dating a certain person?

Let us decide to make one new decision that will positively affect our lives. Before we do so, however, let us look at what it actually means to decide. According to membean.com “The root word cis and its variants cid and -cide come from a Latin root which means to ‘cut’ or ‘kill.’ A decision, for instance, is a ‘cutting off’ of all possibilities except for one; if you are decisive you have ‘killed’ all other options.” Think of that, you have killed all other options.

I like to use the word ‘declare’ more than the word ‘decide’. I feel it has more emotional power. If you decide you are going to be more healthy, you could decide tomorrow you are going to eat a whole pizza. On a side note, these two things have both happened to me in the past. When you ‘declare’ something it is like shouting it from the rooftops. You are saying “this is how it is going to be no matter what.” If you are faced with an obstacle you work around it. If you do not succeed at some point, you pick yourself up and start again.

Great lives were created one decision at a time. Let us all choose one decision to change our life today. Feel free to share your inspiring decision in the comments below.

GAIN A NEW PERSPECTIVE 

This is me…on the roof of my work. Every few months I like to go up there and look for things that need fixing. This serves a dual purpose. First I check for things that need fixing on the roof. Today I found some broken metal brackets and loose covers. Last year it was a few bad goose eggs stuck in a vent.

It also allows me to do something else. As I walk around the border of the roof I can examine things on the ground below at a quick glance. I can see the entire landscaping and what needs attending to. I can see the parking lot and where there may be issues. In short, I can see a lot of things that may not be apparent when I am looking at them on the ground.

What does this have to do with living an amazing life? Life is not much different than what I do here. Sometimes in my life I need to take a step back and view things from an entirely different angle. I think it was Les Brown who said, “sometimes it is hard to see the picture when you are in the frame.” In other words, when we are emotionally involved in a situation it can be hard to see it objectively.

Have you ever been working on a problem for what seems like forever and a friend comes along and points out what is a simple, and should have been obvious solution? How frustrating is that? We were so focused and attached to the problem we were unable to see the solution. Albert Einstein said “we cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them.”

That is what I am going to suggest you do for the next 24 hours. Try looking at situations from a different viewpoint. Pretend you are someone else, maybe even someone who has the opposite views you do. If you are facing a challenge try this simple method, write down all the facts of the matter with as few opinions and beliefs attached to them as possible. When you are done, trying looking at the problem from as many different angles as you can. You never know what ideas may come to the surface.

SIGNS OF PERSISTENCE 

This picture may look a little humorous at first glance. I must admit a small smirk coming across my face the first time I read it. That feeling was followed quickly by a feeling that can only be described as “Yeah, you go!” in a cheering sort of fashion for the plant.

Now that you have a glimpse into my head and the thoughts I have looking at images on the internet, what can we do with that? Great question. This website is all about finding ways to live an amazing life. This includes discovering ways to make that journey more automatic and to take away some of the effort off our will. It also includes learning ways to keep our spirits up and stay motivated along that journey. Which can often be difficult if we don’t lock ourselves in a room and listen to Tony Robbins CDs all day. Something I must confess to doing during particularly trying times. Sadly, that is not always an option. In the real work we find things such as social obligations, family obligations and that ever present friend work.

What does all of this have to do with a plant growing in concrete? I believe in the power of symbols and using them to our advantage. There is a friend I know who every time they see the symbol of a heart they pause to be grateful for the one they love. It is something that makes them feel good, improves the feelings in their relationship and really requires very little effort. The fun part? They said they see more hearts now then they ever have! Back to our friendly plant in the asphalt jungle. Recall the feeling I told you I got looking at the picture? It was way in the beginning so I will mention it again. It was a feeling of cheering for the plant. Recognizing the plant was overcoming imposing odds to still succeed. It was showing things in nature and the universe can thrive where they should not be able to.

I suggest you adopt this perspective. Every time you see a plant growing through concrete remember that you can still succeed even if the odds are stacked against you. Pause and take a moment to realize just like that plant you can overcome the odds and thrive. Before long you will start to see these plants everywhere. Your feelings of being able to overcome great odds will increase. Feel free to share symbols you use or are going to start using to add joy and peace to your life in the comments below. You may inspire other readers as well.

CREATE A MASTERMIND GROUP

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This is an idea that was first promoted by Napoleon Hill. If you have not done so, I would strongly suggest reading his book Think and Grow Rich The idea is simple, groups of people is one area where 1+1= far greater than two. When like-minded but different people put their heads together and combine their ideas what is created is something amazing. The gentleman in the picture above, Travis, myself and Shawn all have our unique talents and all can teach and learn from each other. When we get together great ideas are formed and perfected. I strongly suggest you compose an list of skills you would like to gain, as well as personality traits you would like to develop. Now, consider your current group of friends, do any of them have these? If so, maybe you should make a point to spend more time together? If they don’t? Maybe it is time to search out more people and make some more friends. Another great reason to keep your group of friends plentiful and varied.

The real fun begins when you start working on a project together. Add all of your skills together and you come up with a product far superior than you could ever all achieve separately. So build your mastermind group and watch your life and productivity in general soar. Ideally you should keep it between 3-5 people anymore there can be too many conflicting opinions that impede progress. Have a great day and remember the light at the end of the tunnel may be you.

TAKE TWO AND CALL ME IN THE MORNING

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The world is full of multiple sources of  negativity. It is important to fill yours with as many sources of positivity as you can. A few days back I mentioned my friend Travis and his new site bringitivity.net a great option to add. Here is the thing. He is my friend, I am his. He has a site about positivity and motivation and so do I. He is trying to reach people and change their lives for the better, and so am I. Here is where a lot of people may see a source for conflict or at the very least competition. Not so. In life we have two ways to achieve success; either by putting each other down, or lifting each other up. Men, I have noticed, seem to have a hard time with this. In my years behind the bar I have seen countless groups of men start to even put down their own friends to try and impress a woman. Which leads me to wonder if the woman is thinking “If he does this to his own friends just to impress me, what will happen once we start dating?”. They would be much better served saying nice things about their friends. It would not only make them look more confident, but also like they surround themselves with good people.

Back to our exact story at hand. Travis and I were discussing blog ideas yesterday. Someone jokingly mentioned that we are fighting to get the good ideas. That is not at all how we work. In fact, the very title of this blog was created in that discussion and he told me “You can have that one” Here is the funny thing, after thinking about it for a few seconds I replied “We can have that one”. He smiled because he knew what I meant. What he has to say will be based on his thoughts and his experiences which will surely be different than mine. Therefore you will get an entirely different post. By subscribing and reading both sites you will not only double your dose of positivity you will also get two entirely different angles on the same idea, either of which may resonate with you better.

So do yourself a favor. subscribe to both this site and his. When dealing with all of the negative influences in the world the best prescription is to “Take two and call me in the morning” Just not to early, I sleep late.

MY FIRST SEMINAR!

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While writing my book and starting my blog I had a great enemy to overcome…My own mind. Here is how my mind normally works, see if you can relate. I have a great idea and start thinking twelve steps ahead and overwhelm myself to the point I never even begin. Let you give you an example from the creation of my book A Happy Life for Busy People. My friend Kristina had encouraged me to share all my blog ideas in a book form. At first this seemed like a great idea. How hard could it be, most of it was already written. So I went home very excited to begin. I sat down in front of my computer and began to think. What would this book be called? Who would publish it? What would the cover be like? What do I say on the back cover? Editing? Suddenly what seemed like a relatively easy project became overwhelming. I wasn’t even sure I had what it takes to write a book. Does this ever happen to you? Let me tell you it happens to me more than I care to admit.

So how did I fix this problem? While I would not say I fixed it all together I have done better and it took two steps. First, I began to take things into bite size pieces. When I am thinking twelve steps ahead, I write them all down. Then I take the first step and begin to just tackle that. Instead of creating an entire book, that day I am just looking for a publisher. Sometimes I even make a list and cross the items off one by one. That way do I not only have the steps in front of me, but I have the chance to feel a sense of victory with each one I complete.

Second, I turned each one into a game. How did I do this? In simple terms by just changing one word. I went from thinking “I HAVE to find a publisher” to “I GET to find a publisher” it may seem small but it makes a great difference. When you think you have to do something it becomes a chore. When you get to do something life becomes challenges we can overcome and win.

Now I am about to host my first seminar based on my book. This is something I have never done before. Instead of letting that freak me out I have done the steps above. In addition to that there are two other things I have began to do. First, I starting asking myself what is the worst that can happen. In this case everyone could leave and throw tomatoes at me. Then what? I would need to either catch them so my lovely lady can make some of her great salsa, or I would have to wash my clothes. I asked myself another very empowering question – why? – Why am I doing this seminar? To me it is to bring my book to life. To be able to reach people on a more personal level and learn how I can better serve. If your why is strong enough and means enough to you quite often you will find and discover the how.

So next time you find yourself overwhelmed with a project, even if it is one you are excited about try these steps. If you happen to find yourself in the Milwaukee area around September 26th, feel free to attend my seminar

GET IN ON THE GROUND FLOOR!

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These three people are all very different as you can see. The one on the left is my beautiful lady Margie. She is the most amazing djs you have ever met. She helps people discover they have a truly beautiful voice inside them and encourages them to expand outside of their comfort zone. She also creates cakes that are nothing short of a miracle. The joy in people’s hearts and on their faces when they receive one is such a great feeling to witness. She brings so much light into the lives of others it is amazing. She also does an amazing job of supporting the man in the middle, that would be me. I relate all the positive ideas I have learned and are continuing to learn through this website, YouTube, in my book and soon in seminars. More on that in tomorrow’s post. This blog is about neither of these two people however.

It is about the gentleman on the right. His name is Travis “Treezy” Jones. I wrote about him a few posts (see ‘then make a new one’ August 20th) for those of you who may not have read that post let me share a bit about him. Mr. Jones is a very talented performer and comes to lots of shows that my lady is the DJ at. He always reminds people to be positive and bring the best out of themselves. In a bar environment this can often be a challenge as you might imagine. A lot of what he tries to impart on the souls of others tends to get lost in the music and the alcohol. This is unfortunate because a lot of what he says can be life-changing and transformative. In the last few months Travis has had to deal with a lot of personal challenges. Remaining positive, something that came to him so easily seemed to be a lot more difficult. We sat down and spoke several times. As often when two like-minded people who come from different experiences get together a lot of great ideas are formed.

So what did we come up with? What great idea was created? Before I give you the quick answer, let me ask you a question. Have you ever wanted to get in on the ground floor of something? Have you ever wanted to be a part of something and watch it grow? Maybe even to your part to help that cause? Well, now you have that chance. In our discussions we decided Travis needed to reach more people. Not only did his original message of positivity and bringing your best still ring true, but what he learned from all of his personal challenges could really help others. So what did he do? He created his very own website! Now his words of wisdom can reach a worldwide audience. The website is called bringitivity.net I encourage you all to check it out. In fact, I would recommend following it. Many people give up and begin to follow a dark path when faced with challenge. This man chose to not only rise above it, but in doing so help others. His message is one we could all stand to hear. So whether you are in Brazil or Greenland do yourself a favor and give Mr. Jones and his ideas a look. They just might change your life.

DON’T BE BITTER, BE BETTER

“If you continuously compete with others you become bitter but if you continuously compete with yourself you become better”

This is a quote I came across somewhere online but it really struck me. So many of us want to be the best this, or the best that. This is good. Wanting to be better and improving is what keeps us growing and evolving. I personally always take pride in wanting to be the best bartender I can be. I am lucky enough to know several other amazing bartenders in my life. My friends Lisa, Matt, Shelly, Shilla and Alysa are downright amazing. I never look at them and compare myself though. One, they have their own styles and skill sets that differ than mine. That is not to say I will not ask them for advice or watch them and pick up a few things I could do to make my shift a little better. Still comparing myself to them, or even competing against them does not good at all. One it makes competition and enemies out of allies and friends. Plus, it is unfair and unproductive to ourselves. As I mentioned before they are different people and have different life stories and experiences. They also have different natural talents to build on and weaknesses to address. I must focus on what I do well and how I can use what I have experienced in life to learn and grow from. What does all of this have to do with you and your life situation? Plenty. Remember to harness true power in life you must not try to master others, or even master other situations. The greatest skill in life one can have is to master over your own thoughts and emotions. To conquer your doubts and face your fears head on. Sure you can learn from a friend and even ask them for help. In fact a true friend can be one of your greatest allies in bettering yourself. Just remember the struggle really does not exist without, but within. When you master yourself nobody else can control your emotions. Nobody else can stop you. So todays challenge is to begin to take a good hard look inside and see what you can do to improve yourself. Trust me, if your honest with yourself this can be a life-long pursuit and give you very little time to even worry about trying to improve others, which is not our job anyway. So let us begin on this daring and noble struggle. Let us all work on improving ourselves and becoming the best people we can be!