Tag: Advice

GET IN ON THE GROUND FLOOR!

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These three people are all very different as you can see. The one on the left is my beautiful lady Margie. She is the most amazing djs you have ever met. She helps people discover they have a truly beautiful voice inside them and encourages them to expand outside of their comfort zone. She also creates cakes that are nothing short of a miracle. The joy in people’s hearts and on their faces when they receive one is such a great feeling to witness. She brings so much light into the lives of others it is amazing. She also does an amazing job of supporting the man in the middle, that would be me. I relate all the positive ideas I have learned and are continuing to learn through this website, YouTube, in my book and soon in seminars. More on that in tomorrow’s post. This blog is about neither of these two people however.

It is about the gentleman on the right. His name is Travis “Treezy” Jones. I wrote about him a few posts (see ‘then make a new one’ August 20th) for those of you who may not have read that post let me share a bit about him. Mr. Jones is a very talented performer and comes to lots of shows that my lady is the DJ at. He always reminds people to be positive and bring the best out of themselves. In a bar environment this can often be a challenge as you might imagine. A lot of what he tries to impart on the souls of others tends to get lost in the music and the alcohol. This is unfortunate because a lot of what he says can be life-changing and transformative. In the last few months Travis has had to deal with a lot of personal challenges. Remaining positive, something that came to him so easily seemed to be a lot more difficult. We sat down and spoke several times. As often when two like-minded people who come from different experiences get together a lot of great ideas are formed.

So what did we come up with? What great idea was created? Before I give you the quick answer, let me ask you a question. Have you ever wanted to get in on the ground floor of something? Have you ever wanted to be a part of something and watch it grow? Maybe even to your part to help that cause? Well, now you have that chance. In our discussions we decided Travis needed to reach more people. Not only did his original message of positivity and bringing your best still ring true, but what he learned from all of his personal challenges could really help others. So what did he do? He created his very own website! Now his words of wisdom can reach a worldwide audience. The website is called bringitivity.net I encourage you all to check it out. In fact, I would recommend following it. Many people give up and begin to follow a dark path when faced with challenge. This man chose to not only rise above it, but in doing so help others. His message is one we could all stand to hear. So whether you are in Brazil or Greenland do yourself a favor and give Mr. Jones and his ideas a look. They just might change your life.

DON’T BE BITTER, BE BETTER

“If you continuously compete with others you become bitter but if you continuously compete with yourself you become better”

This is a quote I came across somewhere online but it really struck me. So many of us want to be the best this, or the best that. This is good. Wanting to be better and improving is what keeps us growing and evolving. I personally always take pride in wanting to be the best bartender I can be. I am lucky enough to know several other amazing bartenders in my life. My friends Lisa, Matt, Shelly, Shilla and Alysa are downright amazing. I never look at them and compare myself though. One, they have their own styles and skill sets that differ than mine. That is not to say I will not ask them for advice or watch them and pick up a few things I could do to make my shift a little better. Still comparing myself to them, or even competing against them does not good at all. One it makes competition and enemies out of allies and friends. Plus, it is unfair and unproductive to ourselves. As I mentioned before they are different people and have different life stories and experiences. They also have different natural talents to build on and weaknesses to address. I must focus on what I do well and how I can use what I have experienced in life to learn and grow from. What does all of this have to do with you and your life situation? Plenty. Remember to harness true power in life you must not try to master others, or even master other situations. The greatest skill in life one can have is to master over your own thoughts and emotions. To conquer your doubts and face your fears head on. Sure you can learn from a friend and even ask them for help. In fact a true friend can be one of your greatest allies in bettering yourself. Just remember the struggle really does not exist without, but within. When you master yourself nobody else can control your emotions. Nobody else can stop you. So todays challenge is to begin to take a good hard look inside and see what you can do to improve yourself. Trust me, if your honest with yourself this can be a life-long pursuit and give you very little time to even worry about trying to improve others, which is not our job anyway. So let us begin on this daring and noble struggle. Let us all work on improving ourselves and becoming the best people we can be!

ARE YOU IN AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP?

Before we start thinking about how wonderful our spouses are or are not, let me clarify the opening question. The relationship I am discussing here is the most important relationship you have in your life, the one with yourself. Now before you start to dismiss this as an absurd notion, or one that does not apply to you, hear me out for  just a second. I was at a friend’s birthday party at a local drinking establishment this past Saturday and ran into a former coworker and his wife. We began expressing our concerns for a former coworker of mine who never seemed to be happy and how she may be helped. Think if you know someone like this in your life. She seemed to always have problems with those around her. She felt as if the world was out to get her and that is why nothing ever went right for her. On the rare occasion that it did she was still unhappy it did not go even better. When speaking with her the truth became clear after only a few minutes of conversation, this lady was unhappy with the world and all of the things and people in it because she was really unhappy with herself. Her skills with finance were lacking and she always seemed to find herself falling further and further behind. Instead of addressing the problem and encouraging herself to chip away at it she would do the opposite. She would ask herself very disempowering questions. “Why can I never get my bills paid?” “Why am I so stupid when it comes to money?” then she would just graduate to referring to herself as stupid. This made her feel like she had no control. When she did answer herself she was doomed to fail. Instead of asking why she could never pay her bills which assumes that she never will. she should have asked “What can I do to at least start getting my situation turned around” That takes the focus from the problem to the solution. It also gives us a sense of hope. Remember doing something stupid and being stupid are two entirely different things. We have all done stupid things. I remember after a few shots of rum I once woke up on a pool table with one shoe. Not my proudest moment, but I had acted stupid I was not stupid. Now if that happened every Friday we may have to reconsider that. The conclusion my former coworkers wife had come to was a brilliant one “It is like she is in an abusive relationship with herself!” It is one of those simple statements that have profound meaning. How many times have you found yourself saying “Why was I so stupid?” I know I have muttered that to myself far to many times to be proud of. Still how many times do we take time to cheer ourselves on? At first mention this may sound silly, but why? Why is it that reprimanding ourselves comes so natural while encouraging ourselves sounds so foreign? I have made an effort when struck with fear, worry or some other disempowering emotion telling myself “You’ve got this Neil” To statements of a more powerful nature. Our relationship with ourselves is affects us greater than any other relationship we have. Let us make sure it is empowering one. No matter who we are, we could all stand to be a little more encouraging to the person in the mirror. Think of ways you can encourage yourself. List them here to help get others started. Oh, and if you have too much rum, trust me a pool table is not as comfortable as it looks.

THE SECRET TO BEING BEAUTIFUL

Diets, Botox, plastic surgery, supplements, 90 day fitness plans. They are over. They promise each of us the result of a more beautiful appearance. The marketing companies spend untold amounts of money playing on our fears and our dissatisfaction with our lives and ourselves. The only more amazing thing is the amount of money, in the billions yes that is Billions with a ‘B’ that we spend trying to find a cure that honestly lies within each of us. What is this secret? How do we turn we use it to transform ourselves and our lives into something extremely beautiful? To answer that let me use an example of two beautiful women in my life. My amazing and lovely friends Stephanie and Kim. What makes these two women so special? Great Question. Both a hard-working women at the jobs they do. both are full-time parents to their children and take great pride in the job of raising their children in the way they believe to be best. They also spend times working on improving themselves through various self-improvement activities. The add physical fitness when time affords. They learn new things that allow them to be even more amazing parents as well as spouses to the men in their lives. Now each of the things mentioned above alone could qualify them as beautiful people and I would certainly say it does. Do they sometimes have issues in all the issues mentioned above? I am sure they would be the first to admit they do. Try as we may nobody is the perfect spouse, they perfect parent or even the perfect employee. So what secret do they use, knowingly or not to be the beautiful people they are? It goes by several names, attitude, approach to life, passion. Call it what you will it has many features. One they focus on what it is going right in their world. They are filled with gratitude and express it to the people and situations they feel it towards. They are proud of the people in their lives and let them know it. Instead of complaining about something their children of spouse has done, they are often thanking them publicly for everything that they do for them. They also offer words of kindness and encouragement to others with no expectation of anything in return. Could these ladies complain of the vast amount of obligations and responsibilities they deal with daily? yes and they would have every right. it is their decision to not only endeavor to complete those responsibilities with the best of their ability, but to go the extra mile for others in their lives. In return others are drawn to them and they find themselves on the receiving end of many good fortunes. The best part bringing that positive and passionate attitude to life creates an inner beauty that shines from inside them all the way through to the outside making them two of the most beautiful people The feelings you create in the souls of others will do more for your beauty than a years worth of Botox treatments. Several trips to the spa or any other outer activity we may try. I’m sure you may know people like this in your life. I myself am fortunate enough to have many more. if you happen to meet Stephanie and Kim you will be able to see what true beauty looks like. I am grateful for them and for all of my friends who show me many different definitions of the word beautiful. so if you are looking to increase your beauty before you run to the spa, or order that next miracle product try looking inside or yourself. Your soul is the ultimate beauty product

FOCUSING ON THE DOT ON THE WALL

A few years back I went to see a counselor for some relationship issues I was having.  Not sure how much it helped, but I do recall something she told me that I really found value in.  It applies not only to relationships, but life in general.  While listening to me discuss all the issues I felt were troubling the relationship, she said “I see what one of your greatest problems is”.  The fact that I had just mentioned like three different things seemed not to matter.  I was interested.  If there was one issue that connected all of these things and by addressing that the relationship could improve on several different levels, well I was all ears.  What she said next really confused me a bit.  “You’re focusing on the problem too much”.  I thought about that for a second.  “How the hell can you solve a problem if you don’t focus on it”  I thought.  Imagining what I must be thinking she took me over to a wall across her office. She pointed and asked “Do you see that nail hole in that wall?” Well it took me a second, but I found it.  She asked how bad it affected the wall. Well considering the wall was pretty big and the hole was small I answered not much.  Move closer she told me. So I moved closer until I was mere inches from the hole.  How does it look on the wall now?  The point was fairly clear.  Until she had pointed it out to me I really never even noticed it.  Then when staring so close at it, the rest of the wall seemed hard to notice.  It is focusing on solving the 10% instead of growing the 90%.  How many of us do this? Not just in our relationships, but with our jobs, or our cars, or anything really.  We seem to focus on what needs to be fixed or what we wish was better instead of appreciating all that is right.  Now I am not advocating ignoring any issue or just pretending it doesn’t exist.  Just that we must put things in their fair perspective.  Problems are only a part of life.  Some things are good, some things are not so good.  Yet, as we discussed in the post on gratitude, it is important to give attention to that which is working.  We may be mad at our spouse for something they said, but if we stop and think of all the nice things they have done or said we realize things are not that bad.  Focusing on a challenge can often make that challenge seem bigger and more intimidating than it really is.  So focus on a solution and everything that is working.  Put your problems in their place.  It will help you feel a lot better and make them a little easier to handle.