WHY YOU NEED HAPPINESS NOW

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Yesterday we talked about fighting the battle within. This is why the time to do so is now. Why happiness is not a decision to be made later or thought of only when we lose it.

Why is happiness so important and what is the hurry in putting it into practice? Simply put, life challenges do not call ahead. How often has your phone rang and a voice on the other end tell you “please enjoy this week because next week you will get a flat tire, oh and in the near future your job may be downsizing so you might want to stay looking. Thank you”. Doesn’t happen. Quite often life and it’s peaks and valleys catch us off guard. That is why it is so important to work on increasing the joy in your life right now!

So what can we do? Start putting to together some lists. Movies that make you happy when you watch them. At my seminars I recommend everyone create a “happy cd” or “happy playlist” they can listen to when life gets them down. Think of places you enjoy going, people you enjoy talking to,great blogs by bartender/postal workers you like reading. Seriously, know what makes you happy so when life gets you down you have something that turns it around.

These things may not fix your problems but they will help put them in perspective. If challenges takes you down a few rungs on the ladder of life, at least let them find you standing on the top.

As always please feel free to share this post and tell your friends about it.

TURNING THE ENEMY INTO A FRIEND

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What does this African proverb mean? Let us take a look. Several times in this blog we have discussed the inner battle we fight. From doubt, to negative or defeating self talk the greatest enemy can often lie between your own two ears. So how important is it to win this battle? Let us take a look.

A friend of mine and I were discussing people, more to the point members of your own family not supporting you or what you do. It can be extremely difficult to hear things about yourself that are negative or hurtful. It can be even worse when those things are not true. Add on top of that the pain of having those statements coming from family or close friends who should be the very people on your side.

So what can we do when this happens? Here is the bad news right up front, if you live long enough and take any chances or have an opinion it is going to happen. Whether it be out of jealousy, intimidation or any other emotions the other party might be feeling people will attack you. Quite often this may be for doing the very best you can do. Again this can come from their own feelings of inadequacy. What can we do when that happens? Truly it is a painful experience. There is almost a feeling of betrayal. The first thing we must understand is that what they are saying is their opinion. Les Brown, one of my favorite speakers once said “Do not let other people’s opinions about you become your reality”. They can sight all the facts and figures they want. They can mention as many other people as they want, but it does not have to define us.

How can we make sure it does not define us? By getting right with ourselves. What do I mean by getting right with ourselves? Become the kind of person you can be proud of. Whatever you are currently doing, do it to the best of your ability. Always be kind. Be the kind of person other people want to be around. Know and accept your flaws. If you can work on them, then do so. Be the best version of yourself that you can be. When you bring greatness into the world than all of the critics can do is offer you their opinion. Know that if they are judging you on a mistake you made yesterday that you are committed to work on and correct from today forward than they are convicting an innocent person. Most importantly know the only two people who are fit to judge us are ourselves and our higher power because those are the only two people who truly know who we are.

As always I invite you to like, comment and share this post to your hearts content.

TGIM – THANK GOD IT’S MONDAY

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I want to share with you my Monday. Why? you might add. Several reasons. One,  I wish you give you a peak into the life of Neil Panosian. It started early. I returned home about 3am Monday morning from DJing a show with my beautiful lady. Unloading the DJ equipment and such. After getting ready for bed I was probably asleep at around 4am. I was up again at 7:30 to prepare for an amazing podcast interview with a very insightful gentleman. That will be airing later this month I believe. I will keep you posted as details are forthcoming. Following that interview which was a lot of fun and seemed to fly by, I spent some moments of great conversation with my lady on how it went. I had physical therapy for my dislocated shoulder scheduled at 10:30 am. A quick shower and I was off to purchase a gift we were getting for some good friends of ours. Then it was back home to get ready for attending a wedding for a wonderful couple who graciously asked me to speak at. Rehearsing the speech all the way there, there was little time to think of much else. We enjoyed a beautiful ceremony and witness the love of a brand new couple. My speech went well and I do believe they enjoyed it. After which my lady and I enjoyed a quick lunch. Then it was back home to change and get ready for my bartending job that evening. After which time I was home around 3am again. This night I also had the joy of reading to my lady and we both fell asleep in about an hour.

Now you might be thinking “Neil I am just tired reading about that”. Trust me in reflection I am a little exhausted myself. Here is the wonderful thing about it, never during the day was I. Another great thing is this, the whole day I was in contact with amazing people. Phil, who did the interview is a man of great charisma, which you will see, and a passion for bringing great information to people. The couple who shared their special day with us was so loving and a great example of people who should be sharing their lives together. Their family and friends were most welcoming. At night the friends I had the pleasure of serving at the bar were wonderful. We even had the privilege of helping one of the people performing on taking her career in singing to the next level. She is a great soul and deserves all the good that is coming to her.

Through it all was my little lady. After the interview encouraging me and giving me her feedback. Staying by my side as I was nervous to give my speech. Showing all that were at the wedding our love and what a wonderful woman I have. Being a great DJ while I was behind the bar serving drinks. Lastly, allowing me to share the pleasure of a good book, all be it for a little while before she fell asleep.

Here is the point. In all I did, I gained so much. I was able to meet with and share information with an amazing man. I was able to bring some additional joy to a loving couple on their special day. I met great new people and hopefully future friends. I was able to assist in helping a great friend and kind soul pursue her singing dream. I was also able to share a loving and bonding moment with the beautiful lady in my life. I may or may not have sold any more copies of my book A Happy Life for Busy People but I added so much abundance to my life I feel a lot richer for it. When you live your dreams life always pays you well. I invite any and all of you to give your feedback and share this post in anyway you wish.

 

IT’S ALWAYS A GOOD TIME

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Here is a great secret to an amazing life,  enjoy it, all of it. Easier said than done right? What about a dentist appointment? What about a trip to the doctor? What about work Monday morning? I do understand that some things are easier than others, but there are a few simple things that we can all do to turn even a challenging experience into a fairly good one.

First of all, spend time with good people. Have you ever have had a great moment ruined by spending it with somebody who was not all that fun? I am sure we all have. I once was on vacation with a gentleman who found the thorn in every rose. We were at a tropical resort and he complained the food was not the right temperature or wasn’t seasoned right. Never mind it was all-inclusive and we could have whatever we wanted. He even complained when our taxi was 10 minutes late to go on a shopping trip. He made the vacation more stressful and less fun than had he stayed at home. On the opposite side of the spectrum my lady and I stayed in a hotel where we found the toilet didn’t work. We let the desk clerk know before we left for work. When we returned not only was it not fixed, they left us a plunger in case we wanted to give it a go ourselves. I ventured down to the front desk to express my discontent only to find a desk clerk who was in his mid 80’s and moved at a speed slightly faster than the speed at which grass grows in the winter. We left right away for the room and an hour later when he arrived he looked at the plunger and asked me “Have you tried this?”. I watched as this man who barely moved attempted to plunge our toilet. After what seemed to be something slightly less than eternity I inquired if they just had another room we may have. He said he wasn’t quite sure and didn’t know how to look up such things on those “New fangled computers”. Sensing there was not much we could do at this hour I thanked him and sent him back to his desk which hopefully he made before the sun came up. Do you know what happened the rest of the night? My lady and I talked, drank wine, watched movies and broke into moments of hysteria when we mentioned the man  or the toilet. Still do to this day. As for the bathroom, we ended up having to use the one in the hotel lobby. The point is even the worst situation can be made fun with the right person.

The second thing we can do if we happen to be all alone, or stuck with the first type of person I mentioned is what I mentioned at the end of the last story. Which is that very thing, know we are at least going to get a good story out of it. Then ask yourself, what is funny/good about this? In the beginning this may be a challenge, but after a while you will be amazed at the lemonade you can make with the lemons life hands you. Good luck and feel free to share this post and your stories below.

DO NOT DOUBT YOURSELF

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This is one of my favorite quotes. Here is why, it is something that I used to be victim to quite often. As someone who takes great pride in his knowledge and always strives to learn new things, there is one thing I really dislike. The one thing that I try my best to avoid is looking foolish. I suppose on the surface that may not really be a bad thing. After all who wants to look foolish right? This is true to a point. My fear of looking foolish stemmed from doubting myself. What happened then?

Here is what the fear of looking foolish, and doubting myself did for me. Often times it kept me from trying something new. Everything we learn to do we go through a period where we are not yet skilled. Think of the job you work at right now. Recall your first day there, did you know everything you know now? Of course not. Even things like finding your way around, or knowing where the bathroom is. One cannot expect to start something new and know it all. Intellectually I knew this, yet emotionally that is what I did to myself. If what I was thinking of trying included a period of looking foolish before you got it right I would do one of two things. Either I would wait to try it until few or nobody was around, or worse yet I would skip trying it at all. Some of you may feel that same way.

So how does one face this fear and more importantly overcome it? Begin to look at things in two ways. One, think of all you will miss by not doing what you fear and two, think of all you will gain by doing it. It also wouldn’t hurt to consider other things in your life you might have overcome the new/learning period to become capable or even quite good at. One of my favorite examples is snorkeling. I love the tropics and love the ocean. I also happen to enjoy rum. So while on vacation I always saw snorkeling available. All my mind focused on was not knowing a thing about it from what equipment is good, to how to not drown while learning. That kept me from ever trying it. That is until one day when a nice young man by the name of captain Morgan whispered in my ear that I should give it a try. The first trip out took some getting used to, but by the end of that trip I learned how to dive under water with a snorkel, how best to swim and a million other things. Now when I go to the tropics about 8 hours of my day is spent in the ocean, a lot of that with a snorkel on. I could kick myself for all the fun I missed before all because I was afraid to try.

So think about your doubts, what are they keeping you from trying? You may discover a new passion, some new friends or a new skill you never knew you had. Now if you will excuse me I am going to put on my snorkel, get in the bathtub and dream of Jamaica.

THE POWER IS IN YOU

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Last post we discussed focusing on the positive possibilities and how that can transform your life for the better. We also touched briefly on something we could do to start that process. I highly recommend you go back and read that post. Ok, we discussed starting a gratitude journal, writing five things a day that you are grateful for and why then reading them as a bedtime story. Here is what that does, it begins to have you focused on the good things that are happening in life. Another fun exercise I have seen online lately is a happiness jar. Where once a day for an entire year you put inside the jar one good thing that happened to you. Then at the end of a year you have 365 good memories. When you consider that means 365 good things happened in  your life you may begin to shift your thinking. try it for a month and review it. I am going to begin doing this myself and I am sure it will add a sense of joy and gratitude to my life. It adds something else as well. I force that will aid you in accomplishing your goals, that will render obstacles powerless.

What is this power? Faith! Every religion on earth will tell you about the power of faith. They may kill each other over their differences, but they all agree on the power of faith. Now I am not here to tell you what to believe. There are other blogs for that. So whatever your faith is in, be it a higher power, the universe or even yourself, faith is worth it’s weight in gold. What is faith? Faith is a sense of certainty. When you are certain things will work out you do not fret that there seems to be a delay or obstacle. You see them as the temporary things they are. It provides you the reason to keep going. It provides comfort when things seem upside down.

So how does one develop faith? This is a personal issue and one I work on daily. I suggest focusing on things you have already overcome. Also recall situations when a solution showed up where none seemed possible. Once again I refer to a tool mentioned in my book A Happy Life for Busy People that is a  journal. If we do not record these memories they may  be lost to time and not able to recall.

I invite you to do your own research on developing faith. Also if you have practices you are currently using or are going to try, feel free to share them here for the benefit of our other readers.

THE BIG DIFFERENCE

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Several people I know live life with a certain sense of  foreboding. I have even heard them say “I’m just waiting to see what goes wrong next”. My thought is always why?  When I tell them why not look for what is going to go right next,  they mumble something about living in a fantasy world,  or how things always go wrong for them. When I mention it could possibly be because they are looking for them to go wrong I am faced with often disbelief and sometimes anger and indignation.
Truth is whatever we focus on we create.  Now I am not going to go into the science behind the law of attraction,  as there are sites dedicated to just that.  Here is the truth  – in life there will always be ups and downs, positive and negatives – when we are looking to notice what is going wrong that will be highlighted and seem more prevalent.
So what happens,  what changes when we look for, and believe in the good that is going to come?

Two major things happen when you begin to expect and look for good things to happen. First, you start to feel better. You are filled with excitement and joy. People may even begin to comment on how you have changed, or what is different about you. Second, you start to notice the good things. Not only things that are happening, or did happen, but things that may happen, or will happen! You start to notice opportunities that may have slipped passed you before. As an added bonus, the bad things may fade from view. They will still be there because any life has it’s challenges, but they will seem less intimidating and overwhelming.

So there are plenty of reasons to switch to focusing on the good. How does one do this? We will focus on that in depth in future blogs, but for right now begin to write down and note when good things happen in your life. One fun project you can do is start a gratitude journal. write down every day at least 5 things you are grateful for and why a day. Review your list right before you sleep. It will change your life. Feel free to share any ideas you may have for staying on the ‘sunny side of the street’

THE GRAND SOLUTION

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We all have times when life seems to be handing us lemons.  Sometimes we can even question the purpose or meaning of it all.  I know there are even times when we can feel useless.  I know, I’ve been there myself.  There is a grand solution that can not only help is during these times,  but help others,  and the world at large.

What is this solution?  Before I tell you exactly let me assure you that everyone has access to this solution.  In fact, the worse your life seems to be or the more unpleasant things you have been through the better you will be at this. OK enough of the hype, what is this solution that will help everyone including ourselves?

Altruism, that is helping others.  If this sounds like an additional effort or some new age idea it really isn’t.  It is easier than you may think and can be backed up by science.  Allow me to explain.  One of the best ways to help others is by sharing our story, our natural talents or just things we enjoy. Recently I have become friends with a wonderful lady named Ann. She shared with me some of her life experiences and asked me what direction she should go in.  After only a few minutes of learning about her it was clear Ann had a lot to share.  She overcame a weight issue,  cared for a love one and learned a lot about health and fitness.  I’m excited to say she is now sharing her story at AnnieOrganic her own website.
My beautiful lady Margie is another example of this.  Her talents are too many to number and she is always eager to put them to good use.  Whether she is making a cake for someone’s celebration,  jewelry to compliment an outfit, or just lending a comforting ear to someone who needs it she is happy to share what she knows and help teach others.

So what if your thinking “I don’t have that kind of talent” trust me everyone has something.  Have you every overcame a hardship in your life?  Then you can share how you did it. Ever suffer a painful experience?  Then you can comfort others and assure them they are not alone.  Have a hobby you enjoy?  Consider teaching others or joining a like minded group.

What does all this accomplish and how does it work?  By helping others we give our life meaning and get outside of ourselves.  It also helps us better understand ‘there is a reason for everything’ when seemingly negative things happen in your life,  you will nite find yourself asking “how can I use this? ” and understand even in just sharing your experience can bring a sense of comfort and peace to someone else.
So next time life seems to be getting the better of you,  get out and find a way to help someone else. Let’s face it, the world needs more of that.

A VERY IMPORTANT LESSON

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This is a very powerful secret. Why it is a secret I’m not so sure. It is a lesson that is hard if learned too late. Let’s face it, we all get comfortable. Comfort in that fashion can be poison to a good relationship. When we first fall in love all of our thoughts are of that person. We see a flower and we think of their beauty. We see a park and we remember a walk in the park we just had with them, never mind that fact it is not even the same park. We find ourselves at the gas station or grocery store and can’t wait to pick them up a little surprise.

So what happens? Where does all this infatuation go? It is chipped away at by disagreements, the obligations of life, health and a million other factors that take us away from focusing on our love. There is another reason why love fades. Often people treat falling in love like going to school. Once you graduate, or in this case capture the heart of the one you love it’s over. Life begins to take over. It seems a million things call our attention everyday. A project at work needs our attention, lets get to it. Something around the house needs fixing, get to it. After all, your spouse is in love with you that is taken care of, right?

This is where things go wrong. We must look at our love more like working out, or eating healthy. If we go to the gym, work really hard and get in shape then just stop we don’t stay in shape, we begin to decline. Same is true in love. If you work hard, show patience, romance and all of your best traits to get the attention of the one you love and then stop it does not stay at that level. With Divorce rates over 50% it is clear that your spouse may not being willing to settle. This, in some fashion is a good thing. It means that it is more important than ever to keep investing in our relationships. So what can we do?

So what about all of this? What if you find yourself in that very position? Your relationship is starting to lose it’s fire? You find yourself closer to roommates than lovers? Do not fear, in some ways this makes it easier. Your spouse will not expect the little romance and love. Think of what your partner may need. Each person is unique, but in general women wish to know their partner finds them beautiful. They love to feel loved, safe and treasured. Men, on the other hand, like to feel desired, needed and like the most important person in your life. Lovers always like things that make them feel respected, admired and loved. If you let your partner know you are proud to have them by your side, if you can let others know in front of them even better, that will keep them by your side.

If you wish to have a relationship like when you first fell in love you have to do the things you did to have them fall in love with you. Assuming once a person falls in love with you, they will stay in love with you is one of the biggest relationship mistakes you can make. Try to win their heart everyday and I promise you will never lose it. This can be fun for both people. When you try to win the heart of a love you already have, that love only increases and magic literally enters your life. So have fun my romantic friends. Feel free to share any ideas with other readers of things you do to make your lover feel special.

WHAT TO DO IN A SLUMP

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Have you ever heard the expression “in a slump”? It means an extended period of poor performance. I think we have all had a slump. Whether you are a stock broker who has had a run of bad luck in the market, or a parent who has disconnected with your children for some moments in time, we have all had a slump. Funny thing about slumps is they can often come when we are honestly trying our hardest. We can be giving it our all and life can seem to be returning nothing.

So what should we do then? How do we get out of a slump? Well, when an athlete has a slump they are two ways they deal with it. The first, as noted by Hank Aaron the famous baseball player is to keep swinging. What you have been doing has got you where you are so far. Certainly no progress can be made if you just give up. When a quarterback throws and interception in a football game, the coach will often put him right back out on the field. So he can work through his mistake. Sometimes it is not you at all. Sometimes conditions are just not right for whatever you are doing. Maybe you need to just keep pushing on so when they are right you will be ready.

The second option is the exact opposite. Try something new. It is been said the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again while expecting a different result. So as you are doing what has been successful in the past, you need to look on what you can improve. Has something changed that you need to adjust to? Is there a new way of doing things that can take you to the next level? Growth and progress are two of the best feelings a person can experience.

The point here is to never give up. We all experience slumps. It is important to keep swinging and keep giving it your best effort.