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STRENGTH TO OVERCOME

What are the secrets that allow some people to overcome challenges while others are sunk by them? This is one of those questions that are at the very core of what I do, helping people live an amazing life.

The truth is this, whether rich or poor, tall or short whether we are from Fiji or Greenland we all have ups and downs in life. Maybe that doesn’t sound so profound, but when we stop to think of the amount of time we spend on finding ways to ‘get rid of problems’ or ‘avoid problems’ it becomes evident we are trying to create a state that will never exist. Instead of trying to live problem free, we should try to not only limit the effect problems have on our lives, but learn from them and actually put them to work for us.

Ok, so how come some people can seem to do this and some people just keep fighting against life? There are quite a few things we can do to move ourselves from the second category into the first. The first is an understanding that problems will always be a part of our lives. Not to inspiring to hear at first is it? This revelation can actually be quite liberating. When we know longer spend our physical and mental energy fighting against problems, we free up that energy to constructively use them.

Now it is time to get into the nuts and bolts of how we can do just that. First is to change our language in terms of how we refer to our challenges. This may seem trivial and even silly on the onset but remember the words we use is how we speak to our subconscious mind. Rarely do I even use the word problem. I prefer challenge as life is challenging us to grow and become something more in order to overcome the situation in front of us. Another word I tend to use is ‘obstacle’. The word itself gives you the feeling of something to be met and overcome.

This also applies in specific situations as well. Instead of saying “I am having a terrible day” or whatever not so pleasant description you care to use, say “I am having a character building day”. At first this may sound like saying the same thing but using different words. Which, in essence we kind of are, but words have power and create feeling. Say the two statements separately 3 times in a row. Notice the different feeling you get. This is important for 2 very important reasons. One, when we feel better we do better and two, when we phrase the situation in such a way that we can see potential in it (i.e. character building day) we know we are going to get something for the pain we are feeling at the moment.

So try this in the coming weeks. Try changing how you refer to the problems in your life. Begin by calling them challenges. Look at situations and see how you can word them constructively. Make a game out of it. That demanding boss that says mean things to you can go from being an ass to being a patience building trainer. Again, this may sound silly to you at first and that’s ok. Laugh at it. After all, laughter is a good feeling. Try this for the week ahead and see if you notice a difference.

Feel free to share this post with everyone you know. Also feel free to share some of your more creative word changes below. You may help the rest of us.

STAY COMMITTED 

This can literally change your life! Earlier this week we discussed the importance of what to focus on. When you are chasing a dream or working on a goal you can meet with all sorts of obstacles. Do not let this distract you. Perhaps you have labored for several days, maybe even weeks and all your efforts were in vain. It can be a tall challenge starting over. That is why it is very important to have a strong ‘why’ or reason to begin. When life throws you a stop sign do just that, stop access the situation learn what you can and move on.

Often we are tempted, myself included, to throw in the towel after what seems like a defeat, but we cannot view life that way. Take the light bulb for example. Mr. Edison tried over 1000 different objects for a filament. If he would have just thought to himself “How can I get cotton to work?”. I might be writing this to you by candlelight or maybe not at all.

Sometimes the way we think is the best is not always so. We often push so hard on the journey we forget to focus on the destination. So keep your goal in mind. If you run into what seems to be a dead end ask yourself “How else could I try this?”. That is why it is often helpful to ‘sleep on it’. Perhaps there is something we missed, a lesson we have yet to learn. Either way if your goal is something you are passionate enough do not give up. Perhaps you need more time, more information or to meet someone new. Just keep trying and keep an open mind. Success is sure to follow. Remember it took Edison over 1000 times, but he changed the world because he didn’t give up and so can you!

Feel free to share this blog post as well as your ideas for staying persistent in the comments below.

 

IT’S YOUR CHOICE

Choice is one of the greatest powers we have. The choice we make as to what we eat and how much we exercise will have a determination as to how healthy we will be. The choice we make as to what people we surround ourselves with will have a great deal of influence on what kind of day we will have. 

Our choices are not always easy, but make no mistake, they are always ours, as are the consequences. Take my present circumstance, it is 4:30 in the morning, i can’t sleep and i have a terrible headache. i could just lay there and lament , but instead i am choosing to share these thoughts with you. I don’t always make such healthy choices. In fact, as I write this I’m eating chips and salsa. Probably not the best 4:30am dietary choice. 

One of the most important choices we can ever make is what to focus on. We make this choice whether we know it or not several times a day. It starts first thing in the morning. Where as Eric Thomas puts it,  “most of us are waking up on accident”. That is to say we don’t really have a point of focus. let’s start there. Tomorrow morning decide what your focus will be. Write it down now because if you are anything like me, first thing in the morning the mind is a little fuzzy. It could be practical such as “I’m going to focus on thoughts to improve my business”. It could even be something less material such as “I’m going to focus on what to be grateful for” or “I’m going to focus on things to be happy about”. This gives your mind a target for the day. 

This also works situationally. One of my favorite questions I use to focus is “how can I use this?”. If it is a success perhaps I can use it to remind myself i don’t always fail. If it is a “failure” I ask myself the same thing. After all if you can use a failure to learn something about yourself or the situation it then becomes a lesson. 

Start by developing a morning focus. Again easiest to do this the day before. You can use the same one for a week or a month. Have fun with this and let us know how your life changes in the comments below . 

LIFE-CHANGING THOUGHT 

I have been involved in the field of self-improvement for over two decades. What I tend to notice is a lot of the great ideas are shared by many different people. The more i study, the more common truths are revealed. Sometimes hearing something one more time, or perhaps in a different wording can bring a whole new level of wisdom. Such is the quote above.

I happen to be a person who loves  knowledge. If there is something that interests me i love to learn all about it. This is overall a trait about myself of which i am very fond. It does, however, come with a few ‘side effects’. One of which is I strongly dislike looking foolish or ignorant. This used to keep me from trying new things. After all when learning anything new there is a period of looking awkward and foolish. Recently with the help of friends and the support of the lady in my life i have been learning to get past that. After all this blog would not exist if I had not started and learned as i went. 

Another trait I am working on is control. We all like to have control over many aspects of our lives and be given what is generally a false sense of security. Inevitably, life will show us how foolish that is by introducing us to things we have no hope of controlling such as the weather and the actions of others. Still many of us, myself included, tend to just find ways to “do better next time” or find ways to limit the effect of outside stimulus.

What all of this can lead to is a lot of stress and disappointment. Trying to “know it all”or “do it all perfectly” is insanity. As I mentioned earlier accepting that has been one of this year’s greatest accomplishments. It has reduced my stress considerably. 

Still, upon hearing this quote from Rumi I believe there is more to it. Approaching life as a willing student wanting to learn, can  teach me far more than trying to know it all. Looking for the miracle in everything I witness will not only eliminate the stress, but full me with a kind of bliss I have not experienced since i was a child.

So I invite you to join me on selling our cleverness for bewilderment, or wonder as I would prefer to say. Look for the divine and the miracle in everything you see. feel free to leave your experience in the comments below.

FIND A FEW. ..

It is winter currently where I live . That is me in the picture above. Even though the holidays come around this time of year and there is lots of gathering of family and friends it can be stressful for a lot of people. For me, add the condition known as ‘seasonal affective disorder’ in which the lack of sun and general terrible weather seem to have quite an effect on my mood. This can be hard for others to understand as well. Sure we are all happier when it is sunny and pleasant, but winter here can really take a toll on a few of us.

The odd thing is, in general I am a really happy person. I love my life, my friends, my lady. I feel really quite grateful. These thoughts are harder to grasp it seems during this time of the year. Even if you do not have this condition, the stress of the holidays, driving in bad conditions and dealing with people who are less than cheery can be challenging at best.

So what to do? The answer is in this crazy picture above. Find things that make you laugh, smile or that bring you pleasure. In my case two of them are penguins and pizza. So much so that I almost capitalized both of those words. In periods you know you are going to be challenged, prepare ahead of time. Have a list of movies that put you in a good mood. I playlist of songs you enjoy. Also, surround yourself with images of things that make you smile. This picture was at a movie theater and my wonderful Margie pointed it out and insisted I take a picture by it knowing how much I enjoy both of those things. I couldn’t take the sign with me, but on a day like today that seems to be a bit challenging for me with all of the snow outside even seeing this picture cheered me up.

So if you know you are entering a challenging period, whether job, weather or anything else related, prepare by gathering up your ‘medicine’ of things that make you happy and laugh. Take it from me, it can be a lifesaver.

POWERFUL, SIMPLE BUT A GREAT CHALLENGE 

What I’m about to share with you is something that can have a tremendous effect on your life. It is simple and may in fact be something you already know. this simple thing, however, is very difficult to master. 

I am often asked for the ‘secret’ to my happy life. How in the face of challenges do i more often than not remain positive. It is through this practice, of which i am still working on, that my inner peace and positivity have been developed. 

Before i share exactly what it is i strive to do, please allow me to put forth a question. Do you know someone, perhaps the person in the mirror who often finds themselves overwhelmed and burned out by their daily lives? Do you also know someone who is always full of life and eager for what is next? In life most of us have experienced a little bit of both. Sadly, most of us live in the former. 

So how do we fill our life with passion and energy? The answer is at once both simple and perhaps our greatest challenge. In a nutshell there are only 2 thought patterns worth spending our daily energy on. 

First is the present moment and what good we can find in it. This provides its own challenge especially in difficult situations. Staying present can at once allow us to savor good moments and put challenging ones in perspective . 

The second thought pattern is what can i do in the near future to create the outcome i desire or at least move closer to it. 

The past has its purpose in teaching us and noticing patterns of behavior , but to dwell and live in the past (the ‘if only’ thought pattern) robs us of our present moment and the opportunities of joy it contains. Not to mention there is no transformational value to Dwelling on the past. No matter how much we cry over spilled milk it will not put it back in the glass. 

The same holds true with living in the future. True, it is important to know where we want to go and to set goals. Even taking brief trips to the future to visualize what we want to happen is helpful. Then it is time to return to the present and take actions that will lead us in that direction. Living in the future  (the ‘i will be happy when’ pattern of thinking) also robs of the joy in the present moment. 

When sharing this with a recent coworker she remarked how difficult this can be. The passing of loved ones, trouble at work,  an impending divorce all take our attention elsewhere. Momentarily that is ok, but spending a great deal of time there drains our emotional energy and leaves us little if anything to show for it. 

Is this easy? Not at all. In fact daily i am still working on it. One thing is for sure, it is worth it.  When you find yourself able to stay present and focused you will experience a sense of inner peace and joy that is hard to explain. I  welcome your ideas for staying present and limiting worry in the comments below 

ARE YOU PSYCHIC ?

This post has very little to do with the answer to that question . Still let us take a look at the question. Do you even believe in psychic ability? If so, how much do you think you have? How much do you think others have? How developed is it? You have to admit, if you are one of the people who do believe, the amount of people who have developed psychic power is far and few between.

So what does all of this have to do with living and amazing life? Plenty. It is one of the basic fundamentals I teach people in dealing with others. See if this sounds familiar to you. Have you ever heard someone complaining about their friend/coworker/spouse not knowing what they want? My first question to these people who are complaining is “Did you tell them?”. They often respond with a blank stare followed shortly by such phrases as “Well they should know” or “any idiot would know”. A lot of people assume because of their actions people should know. Maybe they have even told this person in the past. Still I remind them that most people do not have the time or energy to walk around pondering what people are ‘trying to tell them’.

How many disagreements or hurt feelings in your own life have arisen out of the fact that the two parties involved just were not clear on what the other wanted? I know in my own life I am victim of this more often then I would like to admit. I assume people know more about my desires than they do. If someone hurts you or offends you in some way because they were ignorant as to your feelings on the matter that is on you. That might sound a little harsh, but remember they cannot read our minds.

Let’s look at situations where you have told someone in the past about a situation that hurt you. In this situation we are looking at two possible scenarios. One, the person knew this would bother you and took the opportunity to do so. If that is so, perhaps we need to rethink their position in our life. The far more likely scenario is they forgot. It slipped their mind. This can only add to the frustration especially if it is something you are passionate about. It is not easy, especially in the moment, but we must remember people have a lot going on in their heads far more than just what upsets us. Again, personally I confess this is something I am still really working on.

Here is the takeaway. If there is something that is bothering you, or even something that would make you extremely happy that someone can do. Tell them. Once you share with them “This is what I like, this is what I don’t like” then the responsibility is on them. When and if they forget that or fail to do what you desire do your best not to get upset. Instead remind them that you told them and ask if there is a better way to communicate your desires or if there is anything you can do to help them remember for next time. Trust me the response you will get is far better than just getting upset.

Also remember to look at the other side of things. How fair do you think it is that people expect you to know everything that makes them happy or upset? Make being around you easy and enjoyable. Be upfront with what you do and do not enjoy. Chances are your relationships will improve and all parties will be happier.

Feel free to share your communication secrets below as well as sharing this post. Most importantly remember to share your feelings with the parties that can do something about them.

WHAT IS EATING YOU?

I would like to begin this post quote from Les Brown, one of my favorite speakers.

“Millions of people die each year because of what they eat. Millions more die because of what is eating them”.

This site is focused on living an amazing life. We have discussed in previous posts the importance of focusing on where you want to go. Today will be a little different. Today’s post will be about how to increase the speed and ease of which to achieve your goals as well as improving your health. Sounds great doesn’t it? What if I told you this can be accomplished with one action? Too good to be true? Read on and decide for yourself.

Do you have something that is eating you? If you are anything like the rest of us chances are the answer is yes. Perhaps it is a relationship with someone who needs repair? Perhaps it is a hurt you are carrying with you from long ago? Not only does this slow you down, in fact, it is like running toward your goal while dragging an anchor. It can fill you with self doubt or feelings of not being worthy of the success you so deserve. The continued stress this causes you can actually affect your health. We all know how much our productivity slows when our health is not up to par.

More than likely you are aware of all of these challenges, but the question is how to fix them. Usually it revolves around one simple word. Next to ‘gratitude’ it is one of the most powerful words we can make use of. That word is ‘forgiveness’. IF you catch yourself thinking “They are not worth forgiving” or “You don’t know what they did to me”. You would be right on both accounts. I don’t know your situation personally. Here is the straight up truth – it does not matter -. How can I say it doesn’t matter?

Easy, forgiveness is not for the other person. First of all changing other people seldom works. Not to mention we have no right to do so. People have the right to choose who they want to be even if it is someone who tends to be not so pleasant. No my friends, forgiveness is for us. If you are mad at someone chances are it doesn’t affect them nearly as much as it does you. It has been said anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. When you forgive someone, whether they deserve it or not, you are freeing yourself. You are effectively saying “Your actions will no longer cause me any anguish”. You must forgive truly, however. This does not mean you have to let that person back in your life, or that you are excusing their actions. It just means you are no longer prisoner to the pain that their actions have caused you.

Think of the last time you heard someone else complaining about or putting someone else down. What did you think of the person doing the complaining? When you are the one doing the complaining and telling someone over and over again how terrible someone is or how much they hurt you how do you feel? Usually it is like reliving the hurt all over again. Even if you just think about it in your mind it can make you sick to your stomach. So do your self a favor, let yourself out of that prison of anger and hate. Do not be one of the millions who die because of what is eating them.

Feel free to share your ideas on forgiveness below and feel free to share this post.

WHAT IS YOUR QUESTION?

When i ask people about their question the response is almost always the same,  “what question?”. Whether we realize it or not questions are what drive our actions. If you are not happy with your life situation, it is time to take a look at the questions you may be asking yourself consciously or not.

One question we ask ourselves hundreds of times a day is “what does this mean?”. Now if you catch yourself thinking you don’t recall asking yourself this recently, I’ll let you in on a really good secret. This is exactly how we decide to feel. Here is an example. Let’s say you stand next to someone in line and suddenly they just get up and leave. What happened there? If it were me several options come to mind. Maybe they just remembered they had an appointment? Maybe they are uncomfortable with close social contact? Maybe I forgot to shower? What causes us to think of each option? By asking ourselves what could this mean? To some people a hug and a handshake are no different, to others it signifies something completely different. That all stems from what they decide what a hug means and what a handshake means. That can even change from person to person and further from situation to situation with the same person.

Ok, so this all sounds complicated, but you can see how much can depend on the question we ask ourselves. Many times we are not even aware of this question. We are going to discuss two new ways to use questions to live a more positive, and yes a more amazing life.

First way is when you find yourself in a situation that doesn’t feel good. Perhaps someone said something that hurt your feelings. As I am writing this the owner of one of the bars I DJ at sent me a message saying one of his employees didn’t show up and he does not deserve such bad luck. Both situations are not pleasant, so how can we use questions to turn them around? Here is the first way. Ask yourself this question, “What else can this mean?”. Take the fist example. We can be tempted to just think how unfair the person saying something hurtful is. We can start to come up with ways they are wrong. We can even decide they are just mean and unthoughtful. So if we ask “What else could this mean?” What else could we come up with? Maybe they didn’t understand it would upset us? Maybe we need to be more clear with what we expect? Maybe they are not good with expressing their emotions in a healthy way and could use some help with that? Maybe something terrible happened to them and they are hurting? All of these could be true. We get to decide what it means. As for the second example, the lady who did not show up seemed to be a very nice employee the one time I met her. Yes, now someone else had to cover the shift, but is this all really terrible luck for the owner? Maybe, maybe not. Perhaps she only seemed nice? Maybe she was dishonest? Maybe he needed to see some of his other employees will step up? All of these are also true. Some may seen this as rose colored way of looking at things, but I see it as a way of looking at things that open us up to see the best in others and preserve our emotional well-being

I promised you a second way to use questions, here it is. Everyday we begin our day with a question as well. Once again these may not be noticed by us, but I have heard several come from friends and family. Everything from “What is going to go wrong today?” “How am I going to make it through the day?” “How many hours until Friday?”. As you can see none of these are very empowering, and most are asked of ourselves unconsciously. Why not take control of this and put it to work for us? How do we do this? Decide on an empowering question, write it out and hang it where we will see it first thing in the morning. One of my new favorites I have heard is “How can I live today so that tomorrow will be even better?”. It doesn’t have to be that profound either. Something like “What awesome thing will happen today?” is a great way to begin the day.

Ok, now you have 2 new ways to look at questions and an equal number of ways to use them. Feel free to share a few of your ideas for empowering questions in the comments below! Thank you and tell all your friends about secret2anamazinglife.com!

IT’S MONDAY, GO ON THE ATTACK!!

Inner demons,we all have them. From the happiest person we know to the most angry and sad. Some demons are obvious, some you would never know are there. One thing is certain, the demons we all have are as varied as the people who have them. I happened to be listening to the late Jim Rohn on the way to write this blog. If  you haven’t had a chance I urge you to check out some of his material. He is the man who mentored one of my mentors, a man you might have heard of, Tony Robbins. In this current talk Mr. Rohn said “if something attacks you in life, attack it back”. That got me thinking of what was attacking me in my life. I came up with a few. Doubt, trouble trusting others, a temptation to react instead of act. So the very next question, how do we attack these? Different demons call for different actions I suppose. The first thing to do is admit they exist. Then, keep showing up. Do what the little girl in the picture is doing, smile. Nothing drives an inner demon more crazy.

Then what? Two things really. The first is do everything you can. If your demon is anger, maybe watch a YouTube video on anger management? Talk to a consoler? Whatever you do just don’t fight fire with fire. If you have anger issues, don’t get mad about that. If you are depressed, resist the temptation to become sad about it. Reach out to others whether it be in person or online. Read books on the subject, listen to a cd on the subject, look up websites.

That brings us to the second thing you should do. Don’t ever give up. Everyday you show up to do battle with your inner demons you are winning the war. Sure you may lose a few battles along the way. You may become upset and say things you don’t mean, but if you recognize that and are honestly trying to do better you are winning.

When going through this know something else. You are not alone. We all have our demons. Some are just better at hiding them. So the struggle is all of ours. If someone reaches out to you be understanding and compassionate. Feel free to share some of your demons and how you are attempting to beat them or maybe how you already have. You may just give others the strength to do the same.