When i ask people about their question the response is almost always the same, “what question?”. Whether we realize it or not questions are what drive our actions. If you are not happy with your life situation, it is time to take a look at the questions you may be asking yourself consciously or not.
One question we ask ourselves hundreds of times a day is “what does this mean?”. Now if you catch yourself thinking you don’t recall asking yourself this recently, I’ll let you in on a really good secret. This is exactly how we decide to feel. Here is an example. Let’s say you stand next to someone in line and suddenly they just get up and leave. What happened there? If it were me several options come to mind. Maybe they just remembered they had an appointment? Maybe they are uncomfortable with close social contact? Maybe I forgot to shower? What causes us to think of each option? By asking ourselves what could this mean? To some people a hug and a handshake are no different, to others it signifies something completely different. That all stems from what they decide what a hug means and what a handshake means. That can even change from person to person and further from situation to situation with the same person.
Ok, so this all sounds complicated, but you can see how much can depend on the question we ask ourselves. Many times we are not even aware of this question. We are going to discuss two new ways to use questions to live a more positive, and yes a more amazing life.
First way is when you find yourself in a situation that doesn’t feel good. Perhaps someone said something that hurt your feelings. As I am writing this the owner of one of the bars I DJ at sent me a message saying one of his employees didn’t show up and he does not deserve such bad luck. Both situations are not pleasant, so how can we use questions to turn them around? Here is the first way. Ask yourself this question, “What else can this mean?”. Take the fist example. We can be tempted to just think how unfair the person saying something hurtful is. We can start to come up with ways they are wrong. We can even decide they are just mean and unthoughtful. So if we ask “What else could this mean?” What else could we come up with? Maybe they didn’t understand it would upset us? Maybe we need to be more clear with what we expect? Maybe they are not good with expressing their emotions in a healthy way and could use some help with that? Maybe something terrible happened to them and they are hurting? All of these could be true. We get to decide what it means. As for the second example, the lady who did not show up seemed to be a very nice employee the one time I met her. Yes, now someone else had to cover the shift, but is this all really terrible luck for the owner? Maybe, maybe not. Perhaps she only seemed nice? Maybe she was dishonest? Maybe he needed to see some of his other employees will step up? All of these are also true. Some may seen this as rose colored way of looking at things, but I see it as a way of looking at things that open us up to see the best in others and preserve our emotional well-being
I promised you a second way to use questions, here it is. Everyday we begin our day with a question as well. Once again these may not be noticed by us, but I have heard several come from friends and family. Everything from “What is going to go wrong today?” “How am I going to make it through the day?” “How many hours until Friday?”. As you can see none of these are very empowering, and most are asked of ourselves unconsciously. Why not take control of this and put it to work for us? How do we do this? Decide on an empowering question, write it out and hang it where we will see it first thing in the morning. One of my new favorites I have heard is “How can I live today so that tomorrow will be even better?”. It doesn’t have to be that profound either. Something like “What awesome thing will happen today?” is a great way to begin the day.
Ok, now you have 2 new ways to look at questions and an equal number of ways to use them. Feel free to share a few of your ideas for empowering questions in the comments below! Thank you and tell all your friends about secret2anamazinglife.com!