Tag: self improvement

PLANTING TREES AND THE MEANING OF LIFE

One of my favorite things I have ever written (see my book Living the Dream) and also my favorite YouTube video I have done (search Neil Panosian on YouTube) is writing your own eulogy. The reason why is that it offers an amazing solution to many of the things we struggle with in our life. That can include direction and clarity. There are countless books read and billions of dollars spent on finding our life’s purpose and on the best way to live our life.

The irony is that it really is not that complicated. One of the quickest and easiest ways to answer these questions is to write our eulogy. When we ponder what we would like our life to be remembered for, we know whether the actions we are currently taking are moving us in that direction or not. We also know what to do and what not to do that will have us living a life we want to be remembered for. Like planting a tree we will never sit under. Taking actions that will have a positive effect on future generations is what not only gives our life purpose, it is what creates a great legacy.

Recently, more value to this writing your own eulogy has been brought to my attention. That is thinking of specific areas of your life and certain people. Think of people that you consider important in your life. What would you like them to say at your funeral? Even though you will not be there to hear it, the point is that it will be what they remember you for. This will not be the same for everyone, obviously. What it does provide is direction on how we should treat and act with each person individually. When I think about my love, Margie, I think of one set of actions. When I think of my friend Nick, the actions are obviously different. However, each ‘eulogy’ would give us the proper actions we should take.

In what is a somewhat less personal aspect, think of other areas of your life. How would you like to be remembered at work? Someone who always complains or someone who always encourages others? Either way, you know the actions to take. How about in your community? Do you want to be remembered at all? If so, make sure to get involved. It could be as the helpful neighbor. You could get involved in community groups or neighborhood clean ups. To, of course, how you want to be remembered as a person. This may seem vague, but it should not be. It is how you act and treat people on a daily basis. How are you to retail employees? How are you when you talk on the phone to people? How do treat strangers and people who can do nothing for you? These people may not give a eulogy at your funeral, but their memories will be there just the same.

As you can see, writing a eulogy can offer a lot to your life while you are living. It can offer direction and clarity. This is true with not only your life in general, but specific people and situations as well. When your life seems turned upside down and you are not sure what direction to go, I suggest doing two things. First, list everything you are grateful for. This will give you a better mindset and help you see that you still have a lot going for you. The second is to write your eulogy and think about what you would want people to say about you. Is that currently where you are? If not, what actions do you need to take to correct that? The answers will reveal themselves and you will know where to go from there.

ONE OF YOUR GREATEST ACCOMPLISHMENTS

We speak at length how to accomplish many things in life. Goals, aspirations and relationships. One of our greatest accomplishments can be found in the relationship we have with ourselves. Is it a truly authentic one? This also plays into our relationship with others. Are we confident enough to be ourselves in the company of  others? In a world of social media highlights and filters, being ourselves can seem like less than everyone else. Here is a newsflash we all may have forgotten, there can be a competition. Here is why – we are the only person we can be. Nobody can be us, and we cannot be them. We could strive to do so, but we cannot only end up a cheap copy of the real thing.

That should be liberating to hear. When people, including our own brain, think we should be further, they are forgetting that each person has a unique journey that travels at the speed that is right for them and their lives. The only person whom we should strive to be is a better version of the person we were the day before. This takes courage and resiliency of character. If we are able to be ourselves in a world that is trying to change us into something else, that is one of the world’s greatest accomplishments!

ONE OF THE PUREST FORMS OF LOVE ❤️

This post could have been titled “Secret to an amazing relationship”. That is what this quote is. A truly great relationship is not just about intensity, but longevity. That may seem painfully obvious, but it is worth saying here in black and white. Even if a relationship has the burning passion of a bonfire, what good is that passion if it burns out rather quickly? Of course it would be great to have a passionate relationship that lasts for a very long time, if not forever. The million dollar question is how to do that.

Consideration is one of the very important tools you can use to give your relationship longevity. Being able to look at a situation, and consider its ramifications, from your partner’s point of view is a priceless skill. It is true that we will never know with 100% certainty how something will affect our partner, friend or coworker. What we can do is use the tools and strategies at our disposal to be able to have an educated and informed thought on the matter.

What tools and strategies will allow you to best be able to consider the other party’s feelings and how the situation may affect them? There are a few big ones I would advocate putting into practice. The first one is active listening. When the other party is venting about something that upsets them, pay attention. When they mention what would bring them joy, pay attention. If you ever have a question about the matter, do not assume. Asking questions for clarity is part of active listening. Listening with the purpose of learning and understanding is also part of active listening. If you go into a conversation with a plan of learning more about the other person, you are more likely to be successful with it.

The other aspect that can really help you better consider another party’s position on a matter is having meaningful dialogue. Many people call this “Having the hard conversations”. They may seem like something you may not want to do, but being able to know where someone stands on a difficult issue prior to that issue occurring, is a big advantage. Begin the conversation by letting them know you are asking because you want to know how best to act should that situation come up. Make it clear you are interested in their feelings and the health of the relationship between both of you. When they do tell you how they feel, or where they stand on a certain issue, accept it without judgement. Remember you are not trying to get them to think like you, just understand how they think.

Using these tools and strategies your relationships will stand a lot better chance of succeeding. When you show consideration for another, it demonstrates that you value them as a person and their roll in your life. If you are wrong in your estimation of how a situation may affect them, or how they feel about it, learn from that too. Before long, all of your relationships will start to improve.

IT IS HUMP DAY. KEEP WORKING!

We work so hard on our goals. We work hard on our health. If we are smart, we work very hard on our relationships. Still, there is one thing that we often skip working on. The irony is that by working on improving this one thing, we will improve on everything else in our life.

That one thing is ourselves! When was the last time you sat down and thought of ways you could improve? Better yet, when was the last time you came up with a concrete plan to do so? With New Years right around the corner, let’s do more than come up with random wishes to improve our life. Let us come up with a measurable plan to do so. It will not only improve ourselves, it will improve our life!

HOW TO MAKE LIFE CONSISTENTLY AMAZING

We will get to why this question is indeed one of the most important questions in just a minute. First, I would like to share with you an event that got me thinking about this. A gentleman I see occasionally at my day job paid me one of the most unique, but meaningful compliments. He told me what he most admired about me was my consistency of character. How despite outside circumstances, I remain upbeat and treat everyone I meet with kindness and compassion. I would love to tell you this is true all of the time, but it is not. It is true enough that a gent would notice and compliment me on it. So what is my secret? How do I remain upbeat and always treat others kindly? How can I do this despite what my outside circumstances are? More importantly, how can you manage to do this as well?

The first step is to answer what good old Albert said was the most important question. Is the universe a friendly place? Here is the tricky answer. Whatever we decide the answer is, we can find corresponding evidence for it. If we look for examples that the universe is a terrible place with people only out for themselves, there is no shortage of that. If, however, we are brave enough to believe the universe is a wonderful place with people showing kindness and compassion towards others, we will find that too. We may have to look a little harder as that kind of news does not sell as well. They are both there. I am here to tell you life will be much more rewarding and joyous if you decide the universe is a wonderful place to be.

One good way to do this is to find a guiding quote that speaks to you in that regard. Although not an overly religious person, that quote from the bible is one of my favorites. Whether you are religious, spiritual or not, find one that speaks to you. If you decide that the universe is is a friendly place, than even when things seem to be going sideways, you will understand that it is ultimately for a good purpose. This may sound like a bunch of B.S., and it is. Belief system that is. If your belief system is that the world is generally a good place, you will understand if the dark and the challenges bring their own blessings.

Does that mean your life will suddenly be rainbows and unicorns? Of course not. You will, however, begin to see the gifts that challenges bring. You will find yourself saying things like, “Boy this person is testing my patience. By testing my patience, it will help me strengthen it.” This could be to yourself or out loud. By developing this mindset you will be able to be more consistent in how you are living your life. This not only can apply to the overall purpose of your life, but to specific areas as well.

Recently, a friend mentioned how they struggled to keep a positive attitude about the business they started. When you are excited about your business and nobody seems to come through the door, how do you stay excited? That is a challenge. If you have a firm belief in what you do and why you are doing it, view those ‘down’ times as a test of your dedication to your business and an opportunity to learn different ways to attract customers and improve on that which you are now doing. My third book did not go over nearly as well as I had hoped. Instead of viewing myself as a failed author, I took that opportunity to examine how I bring my message to people, how I promote my books and what I could do better with my upcoming fourth book.

The secret to a consistently amazing life is to decide that your universe is a friendly place, or whatever goal you are pursuing is worthwhile. If that is the case, then how could anything not be working towards your greater good? Put both the victories as well as the challenges to work for you. The more you do this, the more life will be amazing and the easier it will be to be consistent in all you do and who you are.

MANY LITTLE THINGS LEAD TO SUCCESS

What is on your screensaver? The answer could hold a greater key to your success than you realize. Are you chasing a worthy ideal or goal? If you are a reader of this website, the answer in probably ‘yes’. If you are not right now, you will be soon. In fact, most of the world will be setting new goals and lofty aspirations in another month or so. Most of them will fail within a few weeks. Why do most New Year’s resolutions fall flat? We all begin with the best of intentions. Why is it so hard to keep that momentum going?

The most important aspect is to have a strong enough ‘why’. If the goal is really not that important to you, the chances of you succeeding are next to nothing. Use the carrot and the stick. Both what you will gain by achieving the goal, and what you will lose, or miss out on by not achieving the goal. This is very important and will have the greatest impact on whether or not you will succeed. How come even goals we really want we give up on? Is there a solution that will allow us to build that momentum and provide a subtle nudge to remind us of the direction we wish to be going? The answer is yes and it can be fun and easier than you think.

 

Whatever your goal is, it may not take the outrageous amount of willpower you think it will to stay on track. There are some simple steps you can take to have your momentum continue almost automatically. Many of these may not seem to impressive by themselves, but together will make sure your goal, and the why for it, stay front and center in your mind.

I began by asking what was on your screensaver for a reason. Think of your main goal for the coming year, or even month. Now think of how many times you look at your phone. What if your screensaver could be a source of motivation for accomplishing the goal you are pursuing. It could be a picture of you at the weight you are striving to get down to. Never been that weight? Perhaps a picture of someone who transformed their body? Maybe a workout quote that will keep you fired up?

Let us say working out is not your goal. Your goal might be to live a more positive and fulfilling life. A daily inspirational goal could help you achieve that. What about the artwork on the walls of your home? It is a nice picture of the family? That is good, but it should be balanced with some art that motivates you. In addition, you could add a daily inspirational calendar. That way every day you will have a reminder, and an assist, in your quest for happiness and fulfillment. How about a quote that speaks to you hung on the bathroom mirror or coffee maker? Set an alarm on your phone to remind you to stick to your goal of meditating. Add enough of these ‘little’ things and motivation and reminders will be around every corner. That will help you stick to your goal when the going gets tough.

What are some other little things you can think of to help remind you of, and motivate you to stick to your goals? What are some of your favorites? Feel free to let us know in the comments below.

ANOTHER 6 INCHES?

Just when we both thought i was done with the posts about 6 inches, one more was brought to my attention. I was at the super market dismayed at all of the carts left in the parking lot. The cart attendant informed me of something far worse for them. I could not imagine something worse than a lazy ignorant person who puts there cart up on an island verses walking a few feet to a coral.

The young man looked at me and confessed that did irritate him. “What is worse is when people mix up the small carts with the large ones. ” He went on to explain that they have to pull them all apart and put all the like sizes together before bringing them in the store. “It is really tough in the snow. ” he added.

That is something I could not wrap my head around. Truly if you went to the grocery store and purchased things it would be a safe assumption you had the ability to read. Being that you decided to purchase the 12 mega roll toilet paper verses the 6, it would be safe size differential was not the issue. Yet, here we are. Small carts are put in in area marked ‘large’ and the other way around. The difference between the two sides? Yep, you guessed it, 6 inches.

Again, this turns out not to be an issue of distance, but lack of respect and personal pride. Put your cart back where it goes. Even if that is 6 inches further.

BE UNSTOPPABLE THIS MONDAY!

Do not let the fact that it is Monday stop, or even intimate you. Discover what is holding you back from reaching your goals. Make that your enemy. Remember to focus on what you can control. Placing the blame on outside people and circumstances only puts you under their control and makes you weak.

The truth is most of the time it is not a lack of resources that stop you, but a lack of resourcefulness. Use those people and circumstances for motivation, not for excuses. Do not let them stop you. Find what you can do inside of you to improve your situation and move closer to your goals. You’ve got this!

RULES FOR COUPLES ARGUMENTS

Many people ask what the secret of success to the success of my relationship with my beautiful lady is. It is not just focusing on how to create more happy moments, although that is important. Equally important is knowing what to do when the sun doesn’t seem to be shining on your love.

Knowing how to handle the “valleys” of a relationship is just as important as celebrating the “peaks”. Take a look at the list above. It is a good set of rules to have in place to ensure your love lasts a lifetime. Tell me what are some of the rules you have for disagreements that keep your love strong?

DON’T MAKE LIFE ABOUT STUFF.

One of the great strategies I advocate in my second book is writing your own eulogy. It will help you focus on what you want to be remembered for and let you know if you are living a life to be on track for that. If you would like to know more about this exercise and why it could be beneficial to you, feel free to check out my book, Living the Dream, available on Amazon.

With all of the people who have done this exercise, NONE have written anything about material possessions. This is interesting as the group that have done this includes many people, from many different countries with different beliefs and cultures. Still, not a single one wanted their eulogy to include mention of their “stuff”.

The irony in all of this is that we spend our lives in pursuit of pleasure and all of the trappings that go with it. We realize what truly matters in the end, but fail to focus on it. That is part of what makes the human creature a never-ending source of amusement.

Do not make your life all about your stuff. One of my favorite quotes is from Denzel Washington who said, “You never see a U-Haul behind a hearse.” All of the time and effort we spend on stuff and we can’t take it with us. Focus on friends, family and creating memories. That’s what really matters.