Tag: self-improvement

MAKE EVERY MOMENT WORTHWHILE

As I recently turned 50, life can be filled with lots of reflection. This is true no matter what your age, but as the years tick by, we are more likely to reflect on “The good old days.” The crazy part is that we seldom realized they were going to be the ‘good old days’ when we were experiencing them. In that very statement is another secret to an amazing life. While it does us no harm to reflect on good moments we have had, let us realize we are still having good moments now. It is up to us to be present enough to approach them with appreciation and love.

Allow me to share a personal example of this with you. As I write this, I am sitting in a coffee shop. This particular location used to be about a half a mile down the road. It was right next to a hamburger place where you could bring your food and custard over to enjoy with your coffee. It was bigger and had more places to sit. When I reflect upon many of the memories I have had there, including writing a good portion of a few of my books, it makes me long for the ‘good old days’. What seems to fade from memory is many of the troubles of the ‘good old days’. Due to the hamburger place, parking spots were not always available. In the winter, snow took up many of the parking spots as well.

In addition to forgetting things that might not have been that good about the good old days, we should appreciate the things that are good about the present good old days. The staff at this new location are friendly and fabulous for the most part. The new location is close to a different restaurant and also a grocery store and several other shopping locations. This is handy if your fiancée may want to shop as you work on a daily motivational blog…hypothetically. Yes, it is smaller but I guess that makes is a little cozier. Not sure how the snow removal and parking will be this winter, but it could be better.

Life is a lot like this coffee shop. We can focus on what we miss about the past, or we can appreciate and love what we have in the present. Understand that the present will be the ‘good old days’ of the future. What will we reflect on tomorrow that is great today? It is up to us to discover and focus on that today.

THE SECRET TO BEING HAPPY  😊

We often make happiness some complex realm that takes years to get to. It is even a multi-billion dollar business. These three simple rules can supply you with more happiness than you can imagine. Can doing three things really bring you happiness? Let us look at them one at a time to find out how we can.

The first one is having zero expectations of others. This can be so helpful in any relationship from business to intimate. Expecting people to have the same standards and beliefs we have is not only foolish and unrealistic, it will lead to conflict and disappointment on our behalf. Everyone has experienced life differently. They have their own unique way of looking at the world. The best we can do is to kindly explain ours, and do the best to understand theirs. When we feel people have let us down, it would serve us a lot more to try to understand why verses condemn them. Communication and conveying standards is essential, but so is compassion and understanding.

The next is taking 100% responsibility for our own lives. Let me tell you how freeing this is. The more we place the blame for our circumstances in life on other people or things, the more we relinquish control of our life to those very people or things. If it is your boss’s fault you are having a bad day, than it is your boss who would have to change that. If the person in the blue car who drove across 2 lanes of traffic to turn in front of you (actually happened to me on the way to write this) made you mad, than they have the power to control your emotions. The more responsible for your life and your emotions you are, the more control of them you have. Would you not want control of your own life? If you need help on this, I would recommend the book, Extreme Ownership, by Jocko Willink.

The last is being grateful. If you have read anything that I have wrote, you know that I cannot encourage people to be grateful enough. Gratitude really does change your life faster than anything else I know. Look at the picture above and the multitude of things in life we have to be grateful for. The list is really never ending. Even when life seems negative, gratitude is the other side of coin. Take the worst situation in life – losing someone you love. When we are sad thinking about the loss, we can help ease our pain a little by feeling grateful for the opportunity to know and love them. Will it erase the pain entirely? Of course not, nothing will. What it will do is give us another perspective. You would not miss someone so much if you did not love them a great deal. Loving someone and being able to share a portion of life with them, no matter how great or small, is something to be grateful for.

Here is a secret. The more you occupy your mind and heart with gratitude, the less you leave room for negative emotions. If you are keeping score at home, that means more positive emotions and less negative emotions. That is a win/win situation and one that will lead to a happier life.

As you can see, happiness really can be had by utilizing these three methods. It will take some time and practice, but it can be done. The more you work on making these three things a part of your life, the more happy it will become.

A WASTED EMOTION

In a world where division is more common than ever, revenge is something we are starting to see more of. It may also be a result of lack of personal accountability. A lot of us may never meet face to face. There are a lot of people who are ‘keyboard warriors’. Saying hurtful and mean things they would not only be hesitant to say in person, but have little to no business saying in the first place. There are plenty of reasons to see something you do not like and just move past it. Feeling the need to put a sarcastic or mean comment on every social media post you don’t like is not only unnecessary, it drains your productive energy as well.

When you proceed to engage negatively it does not always impact the person you are engaging with, but it will always affect you. Going around trying to get back at people you disagree with or you feel have done you wrong will have you focused on what you perceive as wrong in the world. It will have you in a negative vibration state and may even prevent you from noticing many of the blessings that all of our lives contain. Instead, let those who are consumed by doing negative destroy themselves while you build a bigger and better life for yourself. Give all the energy to yourself and your life, not to their negative actions. You will get further and eventually life will come for them.

YOU TOO CAN BE A DIAMOND 💎

It is an interesting fact is that we all are made up of the same elements. 65% of which is oxygen, followed shortly behind with carbon at 18.5%. This alone should deter some of the racists and bigots, but I will leave that for a different day. What I want to talk about is the carbon. roughly 20% of all of us are made up of carbon which is pretty much what charcoal is made of. Before you start feeling like a worthless piece of coal, let’s look at what happens when that coal is put under heat and pressure. It transforms into a diamond!

Next time you feel like the heat is on in your life, or you feel the pressure starting to get to you, think of this piece of coal. Say to yourself, or out loud if you are daring, “Looks like my carbon is being turned into a diamond!” The longer we go through life, the more pressure and heat we will go through. If done right, we can transform into a diamond. If we are treated poorly, it can strengthen our resolve to treat others with compassion and kindness. When we are ignored, it can remind us to include others.

There is a cliche that the challenges of life should make us better and not bitter. The point of that is that we have a choice. Let us decide better. Let us decide to become a diamond. Remember to say to yourself, “This challenge is turning my carbon into a diamond.”

THE MEASURE OF A MAN (OR WOMAN)

I believe if Plato were alive today, he would have included both genders in this quote. I also believe his name would not have been Plato, but we shall move on. One of the reasons that he used the masculine in this quote is that women did not have as much power as they do now. Although, it is my humble opinion we could benefit with more women in powerful positions. I am sure most of you reading this would agree.

One of the things that I would advocate is using this quote for some self-reflection. How do you use your power? You might be thinking to yourself, “Neil, I do not really have any power.” This could not be further from the truth. Each one of us has a great deal of power that we let atrophy to a great deal. If we are parents, we have a great ability to inspire and lead our children by example. If we are in a relationship, we have the power to help nurture and grow with our partner. We have the power to make them feel valued and appreciated, or worthless and taken for granted. We actually have this power over almost everyone we meet. When your retail experience is taking longer than expected, do you berate and belittle the person behind the counter or do you thank them for their efforts despite the frustrating circumstances? Even if the service is poor, which does seem to be happening with a greater frequency, we never know the story behind what is going on. Perhaps they are dealing with a mental health issue. Maybe they were never properly taught how to deal with others?

When you smile at a stranger you are using your power. The same is true if you glare at them. When you support your hard-working spouse, that is using your power. When you work hard for your family, that is using your power. When you complain, sit around not doing much, that is also using your power. One is for the greater good, the other – not so much. If you have a skill, whether that is baking, inspiring others or even being a good listener, what do you do with that skill? That is how you are using your power!

Spend a few minutes today thinking about the powers you have. That could be the power to inspire. The power to help. The power to encourage. The power to positively influence. What ways can you start to use more of these powers? Are there ways you are failing to use your power? Worse, are there ways in which, unknowingly, you are negatively using your power? If we are honest, I think there are ways in which we can all use our power a little more and a little better. I would love to hear what you think.

YOUR TRUE COMPETITION

In our journey to become the best version of ourselves we encounter what we consider a lot of competition. Today’s post comes with a little mix of good and bad news. First the bad, because we love to finish on a positive note. None of what we perceive as our competition matters as much as we believe it does. Most people are too involved in their own lives to worry much about ours. Those who are not are really not competition. Anyone who is more concerned about what is going on with the lives of others rather than their own is not going very far in life. As the picture above reminds us, what stands in our way is often what lays inside of us. If you want to become an improved version of yourself as rapidly as possible, work on what is inside you. The secret to an amazing life is that it starts with becoming an amazing version of yourself.

That is the ‘bad’ news. In reality, it is also the good news too. If our greatest challenges to becoming the best we can be are the characteristics that lay inside us, than they are completely under our control to change. We can improve our bad habits, we can eliminate our distractions. When we hear people say things like “I would get more done but I always end up binge watching Netflix.” Ask ourselves, is the problem Netflix, or the individuals inability to stay focused and limit their television time?

Sticking with this example, people would spend more time trying to change Netflix instead addressing their own inability to save television viewing until they have completed the tasks they need to. It is not Netflix fault you sit down and watch 3 hours of programing in a row. Oh, they do things that make that very easy. That is definitely true. We still have the power to discipline ourselves not to pick up the remote until our days work is done. If we work really hard, we can develop the strength to pick it up and push ‘off’ after one episode.

If you want to beat your most intense competition, do not look in the cubicle or house next to you. Your greatest competition looks back at you in the mirror every day!

IT STILL MATTERS

Today is Monday. That can be a little tough for many of us. By the end of the day all we can think about is keeping our heads above water. It can be hard to think of any personal goals and hobbies we wish to pursue. He is a little secret. Even a little progress is huge. This is true especially on the hard days. That can be writing a few words on the book you are working on. It can be going for a little walk while trying to get in shape.

It may feel like if we can only do a little, is it worth it to do anything at all? The answer is absolutely. We can’t always workout for an hour or run a marathon. We can go for a walk after dinner. This isn’t only a physical fitness analogy. Want to increase the love between you and your spouse? How about a well thought out appreciation given to the one you love? It may seem like a little action, but trust me, it matters.

There are two important things to remember about taking little actions. First, you will be proud of yourself that you did something verses nothing. Sure, it may not be the big step you would have liked to take, but it is better than not taking any step at all. The second thing to remember is that little steps add up to big results. You may not repair all of the hurt in a relationship overnight, but taking a few seconds to convey genuine appreciation is that little progress that can start to move the needle. Take steps like this every day and your relationship will grow by leaps and bounds.

Next time you are tempted to think that little progress does not matter, think of these examples. Understand that doing even a little can give you the pride and confidence to keep going. Also understand that a little progress done daily can, and will, add up to big results. If you can’t do a lot, do a little. It will be worth it in the long run.

IMPORTANCE OF CONFIDENCE

One of my guilty pleasures in old-school hip-hop music. The ones from the late 80’s and early 90’s. I enjoy the fact that you can actually understand what they are saying and the lyrical content is usually not too off the rails. In fact, one of the main subjects they include in their lyrics is how great they are. It reminds me of the boxer Muhammad Ali. He told the world he was the greatest before he even won anything. He was that confident.

Confidence is a tricky thing. It is often confused with arrogance. In reality, they have very little to do with each other. True confidence stems from a believe in yourself. This can be fostered from the knowledge of work you did to prepare, or past performance in overcoming a similar situation. It may be an inner knowing that you are going to persist no matter what challenges appear. Confidence is earned. It is never earned at the sacrifice of others. In fact, confidence doesn’t involve others. It is an inside job.

What tools and strategies do you use to boost your confidence? Have you ever thought about this? Having confidence allows us to keep going when others would quit. If we have built up enough of it, we could keep going long after we thought we would quit. It is another reason to stick with the promises that you make to yourself. Knowing that you keep your word to yourself is another way to give you confidence. I would love to hear what other ways you give yourself confidence.

3 WAYS HARD TIMES END

Nobody I know likes to go through hard times. Yes, it is true that they help us grow the most. Yes, it is true that we learn the most about ourselves and our character in those hard times. Still, this does not make them anymore fun to go through. We all wish they would end. Well, end they do. Above you will see the three ways it which they can. The first is the easiest. That is us giving up. There is no growth, no learning or nothing other than the pain of what we experienced. Often this course of action leaves us far worse off in the long run.

The second one is that it becomes easier. This is usually a result of perseverance. Managing to hold on despite the odds and circumstances not being in our favor. By staying in the fight, if I may use that analogy, we learn things or notice patterns that can make the challenge we are facing easier. By not giving up, we become used to the struggle and become more adaptive ourselves. This alone can make the situation feel easier.

Lastly, is the fact that we become stronger. This is a little different than just becoming more adaptable as stated above. This is putting the hard times to work for us. Once a hard time commences, we have the choice as to the attitude in which we approach it. The fact that we are going through hard times is seldom, if ever, under our control. The attitude in which we face these challenges, however, is completely under our control. Becoming stronger involves deciding we are going to use this hard time to develop some area of our character, practice a skill we are working on or maybe just learn something new. The difference is that we are actively deciding this from the onset.

Next time you are faced with a hard time, remember it will end. Most importantly, remember you have the choice as to how it will end. Going through hard times is never fun, but coming out the other side stronger makes them worthwhile.

ARE YOU STRONG ENOUGH?

Let us talk about what real strength is. Being strong is not being part of the group currently in power. Being strong is not being the loudest or having your opinion be accepted by the most people. No that is not being strong. That is actually rather easy. It is easy to repeat the talking points of the the group, be that political religious or any other nature. What takes strength is being able to speak truth, kindness and compassion.

If you really want to be strong, remain calm and kind when faced with opposition. When you see those you disagree with spreading lies, to be able to remain steadfast in your kindness and commitment to truth, that takes strength. When someone attacks you personally, can you have the strength to resist the urge to retaliate? Retaliation is not strength. It is weakness. It is giving into base emotions such as hurt and anger. It will not improve your life or the situation. Often, it makes the point of the opposition look valid.

Next time you are tempted to say something that speaks division and hatred, ask yourself, “Am I not strong enough to rise above this?” Be a person of value. Be someone who speaks of growth and becoming the best version of themselves and not what is wrong with your neighbor. Be the best example to all of those who are watching you. That is true strength.