Tag: self-improvement

WHAT MATTERS AT THE END OF LIFE.

I want to take a look at these individually. First, let us look at what we are really talking about here. In essence, it is one thing – focus. What is the focus of your life? Have you stopped to ask yourself this question? Here is another question. Will what you are now focusing on matter after you are no longer here? That is called legacy. What your children, your grandchildren and history will remember you for. Those are things that matter. In addition, will what you are now focused on bring you peace and joy. Noticed that I did not say “Will it make you happy?” Lots of things can make us happy but not provide us with peace and joy.

Which will lead us right into the first example. ‘not what we bought, but what we built’. A new car will make us happy. At least in the short term. It will not bring us joy. What is the difference? Happiness I believe is transactional. If this happens, then I will feel this way. Joy, on the other hand, is an emotional state that does not fall victim to circumstance. When you raised a healthy family and earned the respect of those in your life, that gives you a feeling that a flat tire on that new car cannot take away. Building something takes time, discipline and patience. It cannot be bought.

Next is ‘not what we got, but what we shared’. Think of this one. You may think getting something yourself will be a lot better than sharing it with someone else. Not so fast. When people think of you, which is more meaningful to them? What you have or what you shared with them? I have known several wealthy people in my life. Some rather intimately. Never have I stopped and thought, “I like that person because they have a big house or fancy car.” Never. I have known some people who are not financially well-off. They have tended to be some of the most generous people I know because they are so familiar with how lack feels. If you shared half of your peanut butter and jelly sandwich with me, that would stick with me more, and be more impressive, than what car you drive.

This next one is really a good one. ‘not our competence but our character’. Having the ability to do a great many things can make you valuable. That is rather obvious. Being smart, or a good mechanic, can make you friends. Even those friendships seem rather transactional. Being of good character will not only make people want to surround themselves with you, but make you remembered. People appreciate what you can do for them, but they will never forget how you make them feel. It is this very thought that we are reminded of at funerals. The most heartfelt eulogies are not for someone’s skills but for their heart and kindness. They also tend to have a lot more people in attendance.

Lastly, ‘not our success, but our meaning’. We discussed this a little in the last post, but we will look at it again here. What makes a life important? It is not collecting money or accolades. They really only matter to the individual collecting them. If the meaning of your life is to just collect as many things as possible, you are going to end up very rich and very unfulfilled. Not that there is anything wrong with financial abundance. It can be a very valuable tool in the hands of the right people. With greater wealth, you can make greater change. Abundance and wealth are different from riches. When you are an abundant person, you are excelling in most, if not all, areas of your life. Your personal peace, your relationships. What is the meaning of your life? Is it solely for your gratification? Are you here to make an impact? How about a positive difference?

Start asking yourself these questions. Decide to have an important focus in your life. Make an impact and a positive difference on the lives of those around you.

THE DEFINITION OF EXCELLENCE

The ‘secret of success’. It is something that billions are spent on every year to discover. The amusing part of this is that it can be found in this quote by Aristotle. You need to have successful habits. Ones that continually push you to be a better version of yourself. If you make exercise and learning a habit, there is no limit to where this world may take you. When we are stressed, we do not rise to the level of our goals, we fall to the level of our habits. That is why it is paramount that we begin to work on them as soon as we can. Habits take time to develop. They are also easier to develop when we are not in a stressed state.

A few years back, I appeared on the television show Positively Milwaukee. One of the strategies for success that I advocated that day was that we should learn to swim while we are on the shore and not when the ship is sinking. Meaning, that learning and perfecting skills should be done before we need them. When will we need them? We never know. That is why it is so important to get into the habits that will be profitable to our lives now. Profitable does not only refer to financial concerns. A habit that increases, or profits, our health is a vital one to have. Self-care is a great habit to develop for mental health purposes. When will we need a hand with a mental health? That can be right around the corner!

Another important aspect to consider about success is that it cannot be compartmentalized. We have seen this is CEOs, celebrities and others. If your success in one area of your life comes at the sacrifice of others, you are not a success. If you are wealthy, but you family is not happy or your friendships are suffering, are you truly successful? We need to develop excellence habits and apply them to every area of our life. What healthy habits for excellence do you have? Which ones do you think would be healthy to develop?

WIN ME! INFLUENCE ME!

Everyone is looking for new and exciting secrets that will help them live an amazing life. That is the entire point behind this website. My quest has been just that for my entire life. What I learn, I share with everyone in this community. As exciting as some of the new tools and strategies we have discovered when it comes to the mind and success, some of the truly great ones have been around a long time. My favorite book, that has given me countless tools for success in my life, was written in 1936. That is almost 100 years ago. How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie is a book I have read countless times. It seems every time that I pick it up I am either reminded of something important or I discover something I may have missed. That is one of the great reasons to read a book several times. You are a different person each time you pick it up. Your experiences and the way you look at the world change and may allow you to see something you missed in the previous reading.

One of my favorite tools put forth in that book is using someone’s name often. We all enjoy hearing the sound of our own name. It makes us feel important and valued by the other party. It is takes away the feeling of ‘being just another number’ in the corporate world. If you are looking to retain customers from a business aspect, or develop rapport on a more personal level, using a person’s name is helpful. I find when I throw in a server’s name in a few times while out to dinner, it improves service. Why wouldn’t it? It shows you value and appreciate them as a person and the service they are providing.

The photo above was my coffee cup this morning. By adding my name to the little greeting written on it, they made me feel like a valued customer. Feeling valued will make me more likely to return to this location. Can you think of ways in which using a person’s name can make someone feel more valued? In what ways do you enjoy it when someone uses your name?

EVEN THE UNDERTAKER WILL BE SORRY

Like many of Mark Twain quotes, this is both filled with truth and a little humor. What he so eloquently expressed is that we should live a life so good that even those who stand to profit from our death would be sad to see us go. How on earth do you do that? Think about those in your life that you impact. That would be everyone you see, talk to and now digitally, impact online. It is not only them, but the people they interact with. Think of what happens when you pay a friend, or even a stranger, a genuine compliment. They feel good about themselves. They have more joy in their heart and their spirit. How do you think they will interact with those they run into?

Even those who seem to be against us in life. There are those sunshine-challenged souls who may be offended at your attempt to better yourself and the world. What about them? You may think they would be happy to see all the joy you attempt to bring to others gone. On the surface that may seem true. Even the hardest person among us appreciates people who are genuine in their desire to bring joy to others.

In my humble opinion, living an amazing life means leaving the world a better place than you found it. There are endless possibilities on how one may accomplish this. You can donate money or time to a charity. You can work hard to be the best spouse, parent or friend you can be. You can look to bring smiles to as many faces as you can on a given day. You can pick up trash. You can feed birds. The list is truly endless. We could do a different thing every day and be good for an entire year. Once you see, or feel, the ways you are improving the world, your heart will be happier too. When you are gone, and there is one less person working to make the world a better place, even the undertaker will be sad.

EXPRESS THIS OFTEN AND YOU WILL HAVE AN AMAZING LIFE

The above photo is one that Margie drew on the window on our front porch. She really is a talented lady. What does this have to do with you and living an amazing life? Plenty. Stick with me and we will uncover this secret together. In the title of this post we mentioned what you should express more often to have an amazing life. The answer is as simple as it is profound. What are you looking to have more of in your life? Health? Love? Money? The key is expressing that as often as you can. Even if you do not currently have as much of it as you desire. When it comes to love, can you really have too much?

This may sound like an odd version of the law of attraction. In some ways it is. When you surround yourself with what you wish to have more of, it is a constant reminder to focus on the that. Take the picture above. Every time that Margie and I sit on the porch, which we enjoy doing with a good cup of coffee, we will be reminded that we are two love birds. We have pictures of moments that we enjoyed together throughout our house and loving reminders of each other. Whenever we glance at one of those items, it gives us a gentle reminder of our love. If you are constantly reminded of how special something is, you are far less likely to take it for granted.

It can be easy to see how this works in love, but how about when you are looking for financial abundance and you are so poor you set off bank alarms simply by walking by? By focusing on what little you do have, even if it is far less than you wish. It can also be taking little mental vacations to where you wish to be. These can be facilitated by having those reminders placed around. It is more than just your decor. It is how you speak, what you think and most important, how you feel about a certain subject. If your bank account is as barren as a desert, it can be hard to feel abundant. That is when you must do your best to do so. You see, if you are constantly reminding yourself about how little you have you end up in a defeated mindset and may miss opportunities that could help that. It is not to say that you should act fiscally irresponsible, but foster a gratitude for what you do have.

Having these reminders work great to increase what you want to have in your life, but they work just as good for helping you to get back on track when things start to slip. Should you and your spouse find yourself in a moment of discord, seeing loving pictures or symbols of the two of you can help remind you that this is a moment in time. Yes, you may not like your partner very much at the moment, but you will be reminded how much you have loved them, and deep down still do. This can help keep the negative in perspective.

The secret to having an amazing life is to express all that you are grateful for and wish for. It is to limit discussing and thinking about all that you want less of. Think about your own life. Do you spend time thinking and getting excited for all that you have and all that you want? Do you find yourself worrying and complaining about all that is wrong in your life? It is important to be present and be aware of your thoughts. Yes, we all have challenges and bad days. Nobody’s life is all sunshine and rainbows, but the goal is to have more sunny days than cloudy. You can set yourself up for success in this by catering your surroundings and expression. How can you improve your own life in this way? I am always looking for suggestions. I would love to hear your story.

HAVE YOU EVER THOUGHT TO BE GRATEFUL FOR THIS?

There are so many things in the world to be grateful for. Once you start thinking about, and noticing all you have to be grateful for, you realize it is near limitless. One thing that many of us fail to consider is to be grateful for the freedoms we have. They exist in different degrees in different parts of the world, but we have far more than we ever stop and consider. The freedom of expression in a big one. You are reading words and thoughts that come from my brain to share with you. I have written three books full of expression. (Feel free to search “Neil Panosian” if you would like to pick one up) People paint, sculpt, cook, bake, design streets and towns. There are landscape artists as well. The world of expression is a broad one.

The freedom to eat what we want, travel where we want and dance how we like. There are so many freedoms that we have. I recall listening to a video where a man was walking in the rain and he came upon a bird. He asked himself, “Why does this bird not go somewhere more pleasant?” After all, birds can just fly away. Then he realized that he was no different. What is to stop us from leaving what weighs us down and chasing after our dreams. It is the biggest freedom of all. If we master this freedom, we can accomplish so many great things. If we fail to master it, we may end up its slave with less freedom than ever. Living in a cage of our own making. What is this freedom? Let us look at another quote to full grasp it!

Before we get into this freedom, we should preface it by saying the man who said this quote was in a concentration camp during world war II. If anyone knows about losing your freedom, it would be someone in a place so evil that few alive today can even imagine it. The freedom we are talking about is the freedom of thought. So many of us do not take full advantage of this freedom, or worse yet give control of it to circumstances and other people. You are mad and cannot concentrate because someone treated you harshly? You have the freedom to not let your thoughts allow you to go there emotionally. Watching the news got you down? You have the ability to think differently. There is even an area in which the freedom of thought is most important.

In many places of the world, and sadly we are starting to see this in the United States, your freedoms can be taken away. What then? What if someone tells you who you can or cannot love? How about where you can or cannot go? That is when the freedom of thought is most important. That is why it is important not to give that power up. Maintain your ability to think for yourself. Guard the entrance to your mind. Nobody can enter there without your permission. You may not to express your thoughts as you wish, but nobody can stop you from thinking them. Dream your dreams. Do so in private if you have to. Do not give up! Keep your mind and your thoughts free.

STOP WAITING FOR MIRACLES!

One simple change we can make to improve our life greatly is to switch from waiting for miracles to noticing them! This may sound a little crazy to some of you, but it really isn’t. I have experienced a brief flirtation with death after my heart surgery. Coming out of that, it really changes your perspective. Knowing your life can be gone in a fleeting second really puts things in perspective. Everything, and I mean everything, is a gift. That is why I was drawn to the quote above. It mentions the ability to love as being a miracle. We all know that to be true. Who doesn’t feel the miracle of love? This could be love for a spouse, a child, a parent, or even just a good friend. Whether you are giving or receiving love, it feels like a miracle.

Love, joy and all the other amazingly positive emotions are easy to feel like a miracle. What about when life goes in the opposite direction? How can that feel like a miracle? It is is. Look at what else this quote mentions. The ability to learn, heal and begin again. Those are all miracles. Learning can be one of the most humbling and challenging circumstances. Who likes to look foolish? That is usually the first step in learning. When the process concludes, you come out the other end as an entirely different person. One that is stronger, smarter and more resilient. That is a miracle. Healing is really a miracle. How many times in life have we felt like there was no way in which we would be able to continue? It could have been a terrible break up or divorce. Perhaps the pain of losing someone we love? It can leave us in such a dark place there can seem no way out. With the help of those who care about us, maybe a little professional help and of course time, we come out the other side. We may never be the same, but we now have an experience in life in which we can draw strength from. Healing is often an ongoing process, but each step is a miracle.

Even when our life seems like a total loss, miracles can still be found in the ability to start again. Losing a job? Filing bankruptcy? Tornado or hurricane destroy all you have worked for? The game is not over. You can start again. Often with more knowledge to create a better future. This is a miracle itself. The fact that the game does not have to end when we are faced with a great challenge and seeming end, that is a miracle. As you can see, from the positive to the negative, miracles are all around us. Switch your thinking from waiting for a miracle to noticing them and your life will become filled with miracles.

A SUCCESSFUL LIFE

The ability to be satisfied with your life as you are working to improve it develops a special inner peace that many never find. It also tends to open our eyes to opportunities that we would miss in a depressed state. This alone will add to the increased satisfaction of our life. It will have us feeling lighter knowing that there are things in our life that are going well. It is a feeling that can help balance the challenges we face.

This can all be accomplished by creating a habit of sitting down and asking ourselves, “What can I be grateful for in my life?” Yes, more benefits of being grateful. This change in attitude and perception has daily benefits. A life filled with more inner-peace has a ripple effect. It comes out in the way we treat others. Guess what happens when you treat others with more compassion and grace? You have less drama and problems in your life. That leads to more inner peace. You can see how this can go. It is careful to note it works the same way in reverse. If you are constantly focused on what is not working in your life and feeling down, you may snap at someone for little or no reason. Now you have a fractured relationship that needs attending to. One more problem that weighs on you.

Focusing primarily on what is going right is not permission to ignore all that needs fixing. Quite the opposite. It is setting yourself up in a better emotional state to handle those challenges. Give yourself the life you deserve. Treat yourself with more grace and compassion and you will be amazed at how much better your life becomes.

NEW MANDATORY CLASSES?

To begin this, I must state that I am a supporter of those in the education system. It is my opinion that being a teacher is one of the most noble and important professions one can be involved in. Shaping the minds of future generations is a great responsibility. That being said, the public education system itself could really use an update. Graduating school knowing how to calculate the surface area of an ellipse, but not how to craft a family budget does not seem very practical. Paying taxes, time management and other daily subjects seemed to be skipped over. Yes, math and science are very important. So is knowing how to manage your health. In a world where obesity is growing at an alarming rate, why is this not more a focus?

Even more important is the issue of mental health. We live in a generation that does not often include a healthy family base. More often than not, both parents are working outside of the home to make ends meet. Men especially are not taught about the proper way to address and communicate their emotions. Issues of domestic violence and depression can find their roots in emotional disconnect. Imagine if we were taught a class on what to do with the anger we feel? How about how to communicate during a passionate disagreement? That is why I enjoyed having Mr. Rogers around as a kid. He taught children how to deal with difficult subjects such as these. Another reason that How to Win Friends and Influence People is one of my favorite books. It teaches the art of personal communication.

Many of you may be tempted to say, “That should be the parents responsibility.” In an ideal world, you would be correct. In addition to having both parents working, as mentioned above, many of these parents do not know these skills themselves. How else to break generational curses than to show the youth a new way? This is why I am always happy to hear that a young person gets one of my books or joins this community. Being able to connect and share ways to live a healthier and more fulfilling life at an early age sets people up for success. That is not to say we should limit this to the young. If you find yourself having difficulty as an adult, brushing up on some fundamentals may not be a bad idea.

Rather than blaming the way you were raised, or using it as an excuse for your poor behavior, learn that there are better ways. It does not make you any less to admit your behavior could use a little improvement. Quite the opposite. Working to become the best version of yourself means that you must admit there are some areas that are not quite there yet. It is true of all of us. Learning self-improvement and life-fulfillment skills will not only make your life better, but the world at large better too! Feel free to share this website with as many as you can. Let us learn and share life lessons as we go through this world together.

EVERY DAY YOU HAVE A CHANCE

Have you ever complained about getting older? Anyone over the age of 30 probably answered ‘yes’ to that question. It is easy to do. Our energy seems to go down and the amount of things that hurt go up. This is more a matter of perspective than anything. The fact that we are here to complain is a great blessing. Yes, that sounds like some positive thinking talk. It is the truth. I tell people “Growing old may be tough, but it is better than the alternative.”

If you were to walk through a children’s cancer ward, it may change how you look at things. Looking at these brave young souls who are facing severe health challenges before their lives even had a chance to get started. We are complaining because our knee always hurts? When you put things into that perspective it feels a little silly. Someone, somewhere, always has it worse than us. It only takes looking at life from their perspective to realize how good we have it.

Scrolling through my social media pages the other day, I realized how many friends I have lost. Many younger than I am today. Their life is over. Yes, they may not have anymore problems, but what about the experience of a tight hug from a friend or loved one after a long day? What about seeing the smile on someone’s face you have just helped? How about tasting that first sip of coffee in the morning? These are all experiences that a moments of joy in even the most challenged life. Being here allows you to experience them. If you need more, it is easy to do. Find ways to bring joy to others. You will receive more smiles and hugs for sure! Your back and body may hurt sometimes, but your soul can feel amazing! Growing old, if you live your life right, is an amazing blessing.