Tag: self-improvement

ARE YOU SCOREBOARD WATCHING?

I heard something the other day that I really liked. I was listening to a motivational video and the person speaking, I think it was Eric Thomas, asked, “Are you scoreboard watching, or are you doing something to put points on the scoreboard?” We have all seen this in sports. You have players who look up at the scoreboard to see how the game is progressing. If the game is close, they might be far more focused. If they are behind and the game is drawing to a close, they will work harder. If the have a comfortable lead on that scoreboard, they might relax a little. If they are behind and there is little, if no, hope of catching up they might stop trying all together.

This is easy to see in the sports arena. It is also true in life. Many people are too busy looking at the scoreboard of life. This could be comparing themselves on social media, looking at how much money they have in the bank or just how far along they are on the goal they are pursuing. If they have a bill coming up and the bank account is a little low, they show up at work and are a great employee. If their friends on social media are all doing better than they are, maybe they feel like giving up and throwing in the towel. Maybe they look in the mirror and see they lost a few pounds so they indulge themselves in a cheat meal.

Then you see the opposite end of the spectrum. Those players who are giving it all in the game whether the game is close, they are far ahead or even when there is no hope to win at all. Coaches love these kind of players. Do you know who else loves this kind of mentality? The universe and world at large. When you do your best at work whether you have a bill to pay or not. When you stick to your health plan even after it appears it is working.

As an author, you need this mentality. It is exciting when you start writing a book. It is equally as exciting as you near publication. In between those two points are endless hours that you must labor intensely whether it seems to be working or not. It is the only way to succeed. The same is true about life in general. You must work hard no matter what life looks like. If you only work hard when motivation is there, you will achieve little or nothing. That may sound like an easy life, but it will actually make life quite difficult.

Ask yourself the tough question, “Am I scoreboard watching or am I doing something to put points on the scoreboard?” Does your behavior depend on outside circumstances beyond your control? If so, it is doubtful you will achieve any meaningful success in life.

HOW TO MULTIPLY RICHES IN YOUR LIFE.

Many of you know how important being grateful is to an amazing life. We will skip the new-age metaphysical aspects of this, although they are important, and stick with practical reasons this is so. When you focus on what you have to be grateful for, you are on the lookout for just that, things to be grateful for. It stands to reason that if you are looking for them, you are more likely to find them. What would happen if you started seeing more things to be grateful for? Your life would feel more amazing. That makes sense, does it not?

Another thing to consider is when you express those feelings of gratitude. When you let the person helping you at the coffee shop know that they are appreciated. How do you think your service will be next time? When you come in they will think to themselves, “There is the person who said they appreciated me.” If you know you are appreciated, how will that make you act? You will probably want to do more for someone who appreciates you than someone who does not. Imagine how this could work with your friends, or even more so with your romantic partner? The more you appreciate them, which will make them feel good, the more they will feel like doing things to be appreciated. This exchange will then give you more to appreciate.

I am hoping you can see how gratitude really can give you more to be grateful for. It is not some strange esoteric principle, but really a matter of exchange that benefits all parties. Considering this, why would you not want to be more grateful and do so more often?

PLAY LIKE IT IS THE FOURTH QUARTER

If you are a sports fan, you know what the fourth quarter is all about. Time is running out in the game. The chance for victory or defeat is getting tighter. Have you noticed how players seem to rise to the occasion during the last few minutes of a game? It is as if their minds become sharper, their bodies cease to feel the pain or tiredness that was starting to catch up to them. We have all seen teams that were down by what seemed like impossible odds comeback to, as they say, steal victory from the jaws of defeat.

The same holds true in the corporate world. The fourth quarter of a corporate year is when profit margins must be met. It would seem people’s talents come out then as well. Creative solutions that seemed to escape us throughout the year are forced to the surface as deadlines rapidly approach. Again, we seem to steal energy and be able to work a little harder and a little longer. We can wrap up projects we have been laboring away at in the first three quarters.

Most of us know about the two examples above. We have seen it happen, or maybe even been a part of it. What we may not realize it that it happens in other areas of our life as well. Relationships suffer the same fate. It is often not until divorce or a break-up is on the horizon that effort is put into the relationship. When the end is near, then we scramble to fix it. How many of us have heard someone say, “If only I knew they were so close to leaving I would have done more.” In order for us to not be the one saying it, we must realize something very important – it is the fourth quarter!

Whether that is our job, our relationship or the legacy we will leave behind, we never quite know when the fourth quarter is. “Oh, I am young so my fourth quarter is a way off.” you might find yourself saying. Really? Youth is not a guarantee of time. Tragedy and illness can take us all. Sure, the odds go up the more you go through life, but it can strike us at anytime. I recall being diagnosed with my heart issues. At the time I was doing cross fit at the gym and feeling great. There were zero signs anything was wrong. If it were not for a reading of a heart rate monitor, you might not be reading these words.

It is not only sickness or tragedy that can lead to an ‘early fourth quarter’. Think of relationships. One partner thinks everything is great only to come home and discover their partner has moved out after years of suffering in silence. The goal is to foster healthy communication so that this does not happen, but even then it is worth noting the possibility. Your job could suddenly need to lay off a percentage of it’s workforce for an unexpected reason. At that point you may have found yourself wishing you had been a better employee. It would also be a little too late.

If I were to offer any advice for the rest of your life it would be to live like it is the fourth quarter! Do this in as many areas of your life as you can. That is your job, your relationship, your health and your life in general. You never know when the fourth quarter will be. You could be in it and not even know it.

WORDS FROM FRIDA

Here are some powerful yet simple words of wisdom from Frida. She was a great Mexican painter and also had some of the best eyebrows! These words are not complicated, yet in them is the secret of a great relationship. It is doing away with the things we know hurt our partners. Things like lies and lack of communication. Replace them with simple things such as hope and coffee. Those two can be one in the same depending on the day. One of my favorite moments in the world is having coffee on the front porch with the love of my life. Just the two of us watching the traffic, birds and whatever else happens by. Do not take these simple, seemingly insignificant, times for granted.

Bringing hope to your partner can seem a bit more complicated, but it need not be. When I have a hard day at work, or face a cold winter day on the way home, my heart is filled with anticipation of the beautiful face that will greet me at the door and hope for the love the will fill the evening we spend together.

Lastly, let us talk about poetry. Every word out of our mouth does not have to sound like a sonnet from Robert Browning, but it would not hurt us to read a little poetry. Expanding the capacity we have for expressing our emotions is always a good thing. Gentleman, this is directed more towards you, but it goes equally for all. Telling someone, “I like your smile.” is great. Telling that person, “When I see your smile it gives me the same warm feeling I get when I see a beautiful sunrise.” goes a little bit further. They can mean the same thing, but certainly convey a different feeling.

We often want to make love this complicated thing. It is not. Do less of the bad stuff and invest more time on learning and doing the good stuff. By process of elimination, the more time you spend on learning and doing good stuff, the less chance you will have to do something that would hurt the relationship. One final thought. This works just as well in friendships, working and business relationships as it would in romantic relationships.

MAKE EVERY MOMENT WORTHWHILE

As I recently turned 50, life can be filled with lots of reflection. This is true no matter what your age, but as the years tick by, we are more likely to reflect on “The good old days.” The crazy part is that we seldom realized they were going to be the ‘good old days’ when we were experiencing them. In that very statement is another secret to an amazing life. While it does us no harm to reflect on good moments we have had, let us realize we are still having good moments now. It is up to us to be present enough to approach them with appreciation and love.

Allow me to share a personal example of this with you. As I write this, I am sitting in a coffee shop. This particular location used to be about a half a mile down the road. It was right next to a hamburger place where you could bring your food and custard over to enjoy with your coffee. It was bigger and had more places to sit. When I reflect upon many of the memories I have had there, including writing a good portion of a few of my books, it makes me long for the ‘good old days’. What seems to fade from memory is many of the troubles of the ‘good old days’. Due to the hamburger place, parking spots were not always available. In the winter, snow took up many of the parking spots as well.

In addition to forgetting things that might not have been that good about the good old days, we should appreciate the things that are good about the present good old days. The staff at this new location are friendly and fabulous for the most part. The new location is close to a different restaurant and also a grocery store and several other shopping locations. This is handy if your fiancée may want to shop as you work on a daily motivational blog…hypothetically. Yes, it is smaller but I guess that makes is a little cozier. Not sure how the snow removal and parking will be this winter, but it could be better.

Life is a lot like this coffee shop. We can focus on what we miss about the past, or we can appreciate and love what we have in the present. Understand that the present will be the ‘good old days’ of the future. What will we reflect on tomorrow that is great today? It is up to us to discover and focus on that today.

THE SECRET TO BEING HAPPY  😊

We often make happiness some complex realm that takes years to get to. It is even a multi-billion dollar business. These three simple rules can supply you with more happiness than you can imagine. Can doing three things really bring you happiness? Let us look at them one at a time to find out how we can.

The first one is having zero expectations of others. This can be so helpful in any relationship from business to intimate. Expecting people to have the same standards and beliefs we have is not only foolish and unrealistic, it will lead to conflict and disappointment on our behalf. Everyone has experienced life differently. They have their own unique way of looking at the world. The best we can do is to kindly explain ours, and do the best to understand theirs. When we feel people have let us down, it would serve us a lot more to try to understand why verses condemn them. Communication and conveying standards is essential, but so is compassion and understanding.

The next is taking 100% responsibility for our own lives. Let me tell you how freeing this is. The more we place the blame for our circumstances in life on other people or things, the more we relinquish control of our life to those very people or things. If it is your boss’s fault you are having a bad day, than it is your boss who would have to change that. If the person in the blue car who drove across 2 lanes of traffic to turn in front of you (actually happened to me on the way to write this) made you mad, than they have the power to control your emotions. The more responsible for your life and your emotions you are, the more control of them you have. Would you not want control of your own life? If you need help on this, I would recommend the book, Extreme Ownership, by Jocko Willink.

The last is being grateful. If you have read anything that I have wrote, you know that I cannot encourage people to be grateful enough. Gratitude really does change your life faster than anything else I know. Look at the picture above and the multitude of things in life we have to be grateful for. The list is really never ending. Even when life seems negative, gratitude is the other side of coin. Take the worst situation in life – losing someone you love. When we are sad thinking about the loss, we can help ease our pain a little by feeling grateful for the opportunity to know and love them. Will it erase the pain entirely? Of course not, nothing will. What it will do is give us another perspective. You would not miss someone so much if you did not love them a great deal. Loving someone and being able to share a portion of life with them, no matter how great or small, is something to be grateful for.

Here is a secret. The more you occupy your mind and heart with gratitude, the less you leave room for negative emotions. If you are keeping score at home, that means more positive emotions and less negative emotions. That is a win/win situation and one that will lead to a happier life.

As you can see, happiness really can be had by utilizing these three methods. It will take some time and practice, but it can be done. The more you work on making these three things a part of your life, the more happy it will become.

A WASTED EMOTION

In a world where division is more common than ever, revenge is something we are starting to see more of. It may also be a result of lack of personal accountability. A lot of us may never meet face to face. There are a lot of people who are ‘keyboard warriors’. Saying hurtful and mean things they would not only be hesitant to say in person, but have little to no business saying in the first place. There are plenty of reasons to see something you do not like and just move past it. Feeling the need to put a sarcastic or mean comment on every social media post you don’t like is not only unnecessary, it drains your productive energy as well.

When you proceed to engage negatively it does not always impact the person you are engaging with, but it will always affect you. Going around trying to get back at people you disagree with or you feel have done you wrong will have you focused on what you perceive as wrong in the world. It will have you in a negative vibration state and may even prevent you from noticing many of the blessings that all of our lives contain. Instead, let those who are consumed by doing negative destroy themselves while you build a bigger and better life for yourself. Give all the energy to yourself and your life, not to their negative actions. You will get further and eventually life will come for them.

YOU TOO CAN BE A DIAMOND 💎

It is an interesting fact is that we all are made up of the same elements. 65% of which is oxygen, followed shortly behind with carbon at 18.5%. This alone should deter some of the racists and bigots, but I will leave that for a different day. What I want to talk about is the carbon. roughly 20% of all of us are made up of carbon which is pretty much what charcoal is made of. Before you start feeling like a worthless piece of coal, let’s look at what happens when that coal is put under heat and pressure. It transforms into a diamond!

Next time you feel like the heat is on in your life, or you feel the pressure starting to get to you, think of this piece of coal. Say to yourself, or out loud if you are daring, “Looks like my carbon is being turned into a diamond!” The longer we go through life, the more pressure and heat we will go through. If done right, we can transform into a diamond. If we are treated poorly, it can strengthen our resolve to treat others with compassion and kindness. When we are ignored, it can remind us to include others.

There is a cliche that the challenges of life should make us better and not bitter. The point of that is that we have a choice. Let us decide better. Let us decide to become a diamond. Remember to say to yourself, “This challenge is turning my carbon into a diamond.”

THE MEASURE OF A MAN (OR WOMAN)

I believe if Plato were alive today, he would have included both genders in this quote. I also believe his name would not have been Plato, but we shall move on. One of the reasons that he used the masculine in this quote is that women did not have as much power as they do now. Although, it is my humble opinion we could benefit with more women in powerful positions. I am sure most of you reading this would agree.

One of the things that I would advocate is using this quote for some self-reflection. How do you use your power? You might be thinking to yourself, “Neil, I do not really have any power.” This could not be further from the truth. Each one of us has a great deal of power that we let atrophy to a great deal. If we are parents, we have a great ability to inspire and lead our children by example. If we are in a relationship, we have the power to help nurture and grow with our partner. We have the power to make them feel valued and appreciated, or worthless and taken for granted. We actually have this power over almost everyone we meet. When your retail experience is taking longer than expected, do you berate and belittle the person behind the counter or do you thank them for their efforts despite the frustrating circumstances? Even if the service is poor, which does seem to be happening with a greater frequency, we never know the story behind what is going on. Perhaps they are dealing with a mental health issue. Maybe they were never properly taught how to deal with others?

When you smile at a stranger you are using your power. The same is true if you glare at them. When you support your hard-working spouse, that is using your power. When you work hard for your family, that is using your power. When you complain, sit around not doing much, that is also using your power. One is for the greater good, the other – not so much. If you have a skill, whether that is baking, inspiring others or even being a good listener, what do you do with that skill? That is how you are using your power!

Spend a few minutes today thinking about the powers you have. That could be the power to inspire. The power to help. The power to encourage. The power to positively influence. What ways can you start to use more of these powers? Are there ways you are failing to use your power? Worse, are there ways in which, unknowingly, you are negatively using your power? If we are honest, I think there are ways in which we can all use our power a little more and a little better. I would love to hear what you think.

YOUR TRUE COMPETITION

In our journey to become the best version of ourselves we encounter what we consider a lot of competition. Today’s post comes with a little mix of good and bad news. First the bad, because we love to finish on a positive note. None of what we perceive as our competition matters as much as we believe it does. Most people are too involved in their own lives to worry much about ours. Those who are not are really not competition. Anyone who is more concerned about what is going on with the lives of others rather than their own is not going very far in life. As the picture above reminds us, what stands in our way is often what lays inside of us. If you want to become an improved version of yourself as rapidly as possible, work on what is inside you. The secret to an amazing life is that it starts with becoming an amazing version of yourself.

That is the ‘bad’ news. In reality, it is also the good news too. If our greatest challenges to becoming the best we can be are the characteristics that lay inside us, than they are completely under our control to change. We can improve our bad habits, we can eliminate our distractions. When we hear people say things like “I would get more done but I always end up binge watching Netflix.” Ask ourselves, is the problem Netflix, or the individuals inability to stay focused and limit their television time?

Sticking with this example, people would spend more time trying to change Netflix instead addressing their own inability to save television viewing until they have completed the tasks they need to. It is not Netflix fault you sit down and watch 3 hours of programing in a row. Oh, they do things that make that very easy. That is definitely true. We still have the power to discipline ourselves not to pick up the remote until our days work is done. If we work really hard, we can develop the strength to pick it up and push ‘off’ after one episode.

If you want to beat your most intense competition, do not look in the cubicle or house next to you. Your greatest competition looks back at you in the mirror every day!