Tag: self-improvement

WE CAN DO THIS! 💪

Do you like to argue? I am guessing if you are reading a site like this, the answer would be ‘no’. Generating more stress in your life is a very poor waste of energy. That is energy that you can spend in laughter, gratitude and inner peace. This seems pretty logical, and it really should be. Ask yourself, how many people get upset over things people like that they do not? Take the Pumpkin Spice craze. There is pumpkin spice lattes of course. There is also pumpkin spice creamer, ice cream, Little Debbie cakes and a million other items. I think pumpkin spice tastes awful. Most of the time it tastes fake and artificial to me. Do you know what I do when someone I am out with orders one? Do I feel compelled to tell them how much I dislike it? No. Why? if it brings them joy why would I ruin it?

This holds true with everything else in this list as well. Unlike pumpkin spice, I love avocado toast. Would I really want to hear about how ordering it is not a good value? Would I want to hear that it is not as healthy as some people say? How about how someone doesn’t like the taste of it? No. I just want to enjoy my damn avocado toast. This is really crazy when it comes to things people are fans of. Like teams, television shows or whatever else. If it is not the same as us, we usually tell them how ours is better and theirs is not. Oddly enough, this seems to happen in religion too. Have you ever heard someone say, “I know your team lost to my team today, but they played a great game?” If so, it doesn’t happen that often. How about this, “I know you belong to a different religion than me, but I admire how dedicated to your faith you are?” It doesn’t have to be that intense. Do you know what most of us would be better off saying when we come across someone who likes something we don’t? Not a damn thing. If it does not harm them or someone else, and it brings them joy, let them have it.

This also makes you a lot more pleasant to be around. If you wish to be a better liked friend, here is a two-fold secret to becoming one. First, when someone voices their admiration for something you don’t like, fight the urge to inform them of your distaste for it. Just try saying nothing. If they happen to mention liking something you do like, enthusiastically add to it. If you are keeping score at home, let us recap. Do not put down what you don’t like and be enthusiastic about what you do like.

Imagine the difference in being around someone who is constantly telling you how much your team sucks, or the television show you like sucks. How awful that flavor of ice cream you just ordered is. This would not be very enjoyable. Now, what if this person only spoke up to tell you how much they liked that movie that is your favorite or how they always dreamt about going to Fiji as well? (Ok, that last one is a personal favorite) How much more enjoyable would hanging out with this person be? Which one are you most of the time?

TODAY IS LIKE COFFEE…☕️

Anyone who knows me, knows I love coffee. As I write this, I am sitting in a coffee shop. My computer has 2 local coffee shops advertised on it. Coffee, like life is very customizable. If your coffee is too strong, you can add cream. Too bitter? Throw a sugar or honey in there. Too weak? Use more grounds. Too thick? Use less grounds. Coffee comes in a range of different quality as well. You can get a can of store brand coffee for less than ten dollars. My favorite coffee is Jamaican Blue Mountain. This, will cost you around fifty dollars a pound. Life is like that. We can be blessed with a Blue Mountain coffee kind of life. Maybe our parents are rich. We have our health and a great circle of friends. That life may seem to taste great. We may also be given a ‘Chuck Full o’Nuts’ life. In case you are not familiar, that is a coffee that can be found on the more economical end of the spectrum. It also happens to be really fun to say. In the case of life, this can be a life where we grow up in a single home. Maybe our family struggles to pay the bills? Maybe you grow up with some health challenges? This life can seem to taste bitter and not so good.

Why did I use the word ‘seem’ in my mentioning of how life tastes? Let us refer back to our coffee analogy to better understand. If I have some Jamaican Blue Mountain coffee, which should happen more often, it does not guarantee that I will have a great cup of coffee. What if I left that coffee sitting open on the counter for several weeks? What if I decided that since I liked it so much, I was going to double the amount of grounds that I was going to use? Maybe I made the coffee with distilled water? In these cases, the coffee would not taste great. Same with a Blue Mountain kind of life. How many kids, who seemed to have it all end up with a terrible life? You may have a lot of money and decide to indulge in recreational drug use. You may have your health, but throw it away by partying every weekend, or more. You may simply focus on the material aspect of life and live an unfulfilled existence.

Just as having some Jamaican Blue Mountain coffee does not guarantee a great cup of coffee, Chuck Full o’Nuts does not mean you will have a terrible cup of coffee. If you use just the right amount of grounds, if you store them correctly, if you use some great spring water, the coffee will taste really good. Do you know what else makes the coffee taste good? Being grateful for the fact you have some coffee. I grew up in what may be described as a Chuck Full o’Nuts life. My parents were divorced. My mom was a single mom with 2 kids which meant we never really had a lot of money. I had bad allergies and asthma growing up. This meant I often had to avoid certain sports and social activities. Does that mean I now live a bitter and bad tasting life? Not at all!

Just like our coffee example, I could have continued to drink the bitter coffee, but I did my best to make it taste good. My life was a little bitter, so I added the sweetness of my beautiful Margie. The obstacles were a little too strong at times with the allergies and asthma. I added the ‘cream’ of eating healthier and taking charge of my health. Now, my ‘Chuck Full o’Nuts life’ tastes better than many Jamaican Blue Mountain lives. It is cliché, but life really is 10% what you are given and 90% what you do with it.

I like my coffee, and my life, delicious. Therefore, I take the time to make them that way. What about you?

KEEP COLORING!🖍

I can’t help but really enjoy this quote. It reminds us that although we have made mistakes, we can still create a masterpiece. We may be broken in some, or even many, ways. This does not prevent us from creating a life that is a work of art. In fact, it just might help us do it even better! People who have broken, not only have an added aspect of credibility, they also have that real-life experience. They know what works. Not just in theory, but it real world application.

Would you rather get advice from someone who has read a book on a subject, or lived it? That is why I make a point to try out all of the suggestions we share here at Secret2anamazinglife. Often, what sounds good on paper, does not work in the real world. Remember, when you are feeling broken, that may very well be where your true beauty comes from!

WEDNESDAY REMINDER 😃

This is a rather silly Wednesday reminder, but a necessary one. In life, we often have plenty of reasons not to smile. We need a few that will allow us to do so. We also need to remind ourselves how absolutely awesome we are. It is a job far too important to be left entirely up to others. I thought the quote above was a good one to start with. I encourage all of us to print it out, write it on a card, put it as the screensaver on our phone or some other way in which we will see it several times a day.

Go ahead and read it to yourself right now. If you are in a public place, feel free to read it under your breath, but still read it. How do you feel? Does a quirky little grin play across your face? Maybe a little laughter bubbles up inside your soul? Don’t we all deserve that feeling, and this reminder every day? It doesn’t have to be this exact quote. In fact, I would love to see some of your favorites. Post a great Wednesday reminder you like to share with yourself in the comments below!

IF YOU WANT DIFFERENT RESULTS….🤔

Today’s post may seem like a no brainer and it really is. If you want your life to change, you will have to make some changes. If you want your life to get better, you are going to have to get better. I believe Jim Rohn said something like that quite often. What are these changes that we must make? More to the point, how can way maintain the discipline to continue to make them even when the motivation to do so has long faded away? The answer to both is to think backwards. What I mean by that is to get crystal clear on the result you are after. This will make both discovering the changes that need to be made as well as sticking to them a lot easier.

Now that I have found the Jim Rohn quote, let us look at a few examples. Let us say the result is that you would like a better body by this time next year. What changes would you have to make? The clearer you are on the specifics of those changes, the better. At the very least, write the result you are seeking on the top of a piece a paper and the changes you are willing to make underneath. This could include engaging in physical activity at least 3 times a week for 30 minutes. This goal is a lot more powerful than “Move more.” How about changing your eating habits? Instead of writing “Eat better”, try not eating after 7pm. Maybe add have 3 servings of vegetables a day.

This works especially well if your life is a total dumpster fire at this point. Changing your focus on what result you would like to see in your life is a great first step in turning it all around. As you are working towards this result, you can ask yourself the thought-provoking question, “Is this action going to take me closer to, or further away from my result?” That may allow you to pause before having one of those free doughnuts in the breakroom, or telling your friend that you can’t make it to the gym. I find it is also helpful to have measurable points along the way. If your goal is to lose 30 pounds by next year, it would help you to break that down by 12 to see how much you should be losing each month. That would be 2.5 pounds a month in this case. If we only think about 30 pounds a year from now, one doughnut may not seem that big of a deal. When we know we have to lose 2.5 pounds in the next 30 days, it becomes a little more of a big deal. Same with skipping the workout.

Pick your result and write it at the top of a piece of paper. Then, list the changes you will need to make in order to reach that result. Be prepared to do what Jim Rohn said – If you want your life to be better, you must get better. If you want your life to change, you must be willing to change.

BUCKLE UP. IT IS A NEVERENDING JOURNEY 😳

It is that time of year that students are heading back to school. This could be high school, college or any other school. I hear a lot of them praying for graduation and for “It to be all over.” What many of them fail to realize, is that if we are to be successful it is never over. That is, if we wish to rise above the hoards of average individuals and live an amazing life, learning never stops. In fact, when we do graduate it is called commencement. That word, by its very definition, means “a beginning or start”.

After two decades (wow that sounds like a long time), 2060 blog posts and 3 published books, I consider myself to be a very avid student of self-improvement. Not only are there so much material to consume, there are so many teachers to learn from. When I say so many teachers, I mean they are everywhere! Not only formal teachers, like Nicci, the favorite art teacher of Margie and me, but informal teachers as well. We are actually all teachers. I learn a lot from my friend Kurt who is currently writing a great book I can’t wait to share with all of you. I learn from my friend Nick who is a great student of life himself. Even thousands of miles away, I learn from my friend Eduardo in Italy. He has such a unique and amazing way of interpreting what I write. There are even people who teach us through their mistakes and bad behavior. I can’t count the times I have witnessed someone treat an employee rudely and am reminded how important it is to show these people appreciation.

Even some of the more negative aspects of life can be great teachers. The news, seldom inspiring, will show us what is wrong in the world. This is a great teacher of what we need to do to change the world. Life’s challenges are great teachers. They allow us to learn new ways to develop strength and prepare for things we never knew we had to prepare for! Our mistakes, as painful as they can be at times, are great teachers. They show us areas in our life that we may need to change and improve in. Those people who say and do things that anger and hurt others and boldly proclaim, “That’s just who I am. I am not changing for anybody.” Those are people who are not developing and learning. I don’t think there is a decent person alive who really wants to hurt others. Maybe it involves communicating better. It could be fostering a better understanding between the two parties.

Remember the meaning of the word ‘commencement’ and that leaving school is just the beginning of our education. Look around at your life and notice and appreciate all of the teachers that you have.

THERE IS STRENGTH IN YOUR STORY ✍️

This is a picture my friend Phil Posted. What a great message it has on the cup. I advocate surrounding yourself with as many positive and encouraging messages as you can. This may seem hokey to some, but it really is just balancing the scales. After all, the world today exposes us to many negative messages. There are positive ones too, but they don’t seem to get as much press. Sometimes, you just have to supply your own. It is even better if you are friends with someone amazing like Phil, who will help you by posting a positive picture such as this one.

As an author, this has an even greater message to me. That is one that I do my best to tell everyone, and now I am tell you, the dear reader. That is simply what is says on the cup – there is strength in your story. It amazes me how many people think that their life has nothing to offer the world. Nothing could be further from the truth! Maybe you are a single mother who is barely making it paycheck to paycheck. Do you know how many other single mothers you could inspire and give hope and a sense of community to by sharing your story? Are you someone living with a disability? A recovering addict? A struggling addict? A school teacher? A kid who is being bullied? Sharing our stories helps us create a greater sense of community in the global neighborhood we live in.

That last line may sound a little bit like Mr. Rogers, but that is ok. I happen to be a big Mr. Rogers fan. I think he would agree that each one of us has strength in our life story. Even if your life appears to be a total dumpster fire at the moment and you are barely hanging on day to day. That, my friend, can inspire others.

I recall a couple of gentleman I used to have the honor of serving at the meal program I volunteered at. I remember one fellow lost all of his teeth and had someone steal what few belongings he had. “How do you carry on?” I inquired. He pointed at the other gentleman he came in with. This man was a homeless vet who had lost his leg in war. He could not afford proper health care or even a decent set of crutches. “If he can keep getting up every day, then so can I.” The first man informed me. Even this man who was homeless, had lost his leg and could not afford a pair of crutches was inspiring others. How? Just by getting up to face every day. How many ways to you think sharing your story, in whatever form you choose, could inspire someone who truly needs it?

DON’T FORGET TO SET YOUR ALARM! ⏰️

I am constantly learning and being reminded of things to improve my life. Here is such a story. While organizing some of my things, I came across an item that both reminded me of something important, and gave me a new idea to write about. Before we get to the item I found, let me tell you a little bit about the idea and how they relate to each other.

One of the great things about living in the world we do, is that there is an app for just about everything. It also happens to be a little bit of a curse. I can’t begin to tell you how many I have on my phone, but it is a lot. There is an app for each gym I go to. The app for the fitbit that measures my fitness level while I am there. Starbucks to help me earn free coffee while I write these blogs. There are countless others, but I am sure you get the idea. People are often looking for the one app that will transform their lives. There are a lot of good apps that I recommend including to take a little stress out of the job of turning your life around.

Here is a screen shot of some of the apps on my phone. I use one to do my podcasts, there is one for motivational speeches I can listen to, even with a dark screen. There is even an app that sends me motivational quotes everyday! All of these apps, and more can assist you in living a more rewarding life. You can download a fitness app. You can get one that reminds you to drink more water. One that sends you the weather with a picture of a puppy. There are countless ones to make your day, and by result your life, better. Still, there is one that everyone has, that almost everyone overlooks – the alarm clock. That’s right, the good old alarm clock. The very thing that goes off every morning at 4am to remind me how much the United States Postal Service would love my company. On your phone, you can customize your alarm. You can pick a song or sound that would be the least painful to wake up to. You can even type something for your phone to say to you. This is kind of creepy, but fun. This is only scratching the surface. There is a bigger and better way to use the alarm clock to radically improve your life.

Now back to the thing that I found. I bet you forgot about that, didn’t you? I almost did and I am the one telling the story. I came across a copy of the book 3 Alarms by Eric Partaker. I read this some time ago and learned a great idea I would like to share with you. In this book, Mr. Partaker uses his alarm clock to remind himself of some very important roles he plays in his life. In fact, he used it to remind himself of what is truly important in life. I will give you the idea in a nutshell, but I HIGHLY recommend you get the book to receive the full benefit. Every day he sets 3 alarms on his phone. One to remind him to be the healthiest version of himself. One to focus on his career and lastly, one to focus on his relationships.

This is great for several reasons. The main one is that even the greatest intentions can be forgotten in a busy world. Like say this awesome book you read that you only recently found while organizing your home office. If daily your alarm clock would go off with a simple message of “Don’t forget to be the healthiest version of yourself.” and at that very moment, you are reminded of your goals to get both a smaller waistline and lower medical bills, what would that be worth to you? How about one that says “Remember to be the best spouse you can.” If it goes off on the way home, you might be tempted to swing by and pick up a surprise bunch of flowers. If it goes off in the middle of the work day, it might prompt an unprovoked loving text. Can you see how powerful this method is? Again, please get the book. I am only scratching the surface of how this can be used. You will be amazed by Eric Partaker’s story as well and the genius ways he uses a simple alarm clock to bring radical positive transformation to his life and how you can too.

As an added bonus, I suggest picking a time that is meaningful to you. It could be the time you were born. Not sure when that was for me. Even something like 11:11 or 3:33. The first picture is 12:34, which Margie and I use to celebrate…well…each other. It is an alarm clock of sorts. It reminds us to take a second out of our busy day to send each other love, if we can, or at the very least celebrate our love. What ways can you think of using the alarm clock on your phone to change your life?

MAKE SURE THEY MATCH 🔥

Last post we talked about celebrating the hard-working people. This post reminds us of a very important reason we do so. Actions always speak louder than words. We all know people who seem to constantly be talking a good game. They are going to start that business, they have that million-dollar idea that will change the world. Where do we find them a year from now? Right back where they were. Usually, we also find them saying the same things they were promising a year ago. The second time we hear it, we are always filled with a little less excitement, and a lot less expectation that they will follow through.

Those people sure can be annoying can’t they? Here is a shocking little truth. Aren’t we all quite often one of those people? “Oh not me!” I can hear you say. Still, once a year, usually around January 1st, we hear people say things like, “I have to start eating better.” or “I am really going to start working out.” When summer comes, where to we find them? Sitting on the couch with a remote in one hand and a doughnut in the other. I know. Temptation can be a hard one to overcome. In a busy world it is all too easy to choose the quick cheap option over the healthier, more involved option. It is far easier to spend $5 on a combo meal in the drive thru on the way home, then to go home, wash up some vegetables and make a salad. Even making ourselves some healthier burgers at home could take a good half hour. In which time we could have already thrown away our wrapper from our ‘not so happy meal’.

The cost of these decisions is far greater than the health aspect. It devalues something in addition to our heart health and waistline. It cheapens our words. When people hear us tell them we are going to start living healthier and six months from now we are buying the next size up, we look foolish. In fact, we may come across as being dishonest, or at least disingenuous. Do you know what is worse? There is someone else who is listening that values our words less and less. That person is the one who looks back at you in the mirror. When we do not keep our promises to ourselves, we feel consistently miserable and like a failure. What is equally terrible is we cease to even believe ourselves. When we declare that we are going to start living a healthier lifestyle, our declaration falls on deaf ears. This is true even if we are the only ones in the room.

To overcome this, realize a few things. When you say you are going to do something, create measurable goals to reach along the way. Write down your declaration on a piece of paper and place it where you will see it several times a day. Imagine you are a famous person being followed by the paparazzi and they are documenting your actions. Whatever it will take to help you stick to your goal. Hypothetically, let us say you slip up and eat some mini doughnuts at the farmers market you were at. What then? Put that extra time in at the gym. Make sure you eat a healthy dinner. Oddly enough, it may be healthy to give yourself a little pain. Feel bad about breaking your word. Remember, it is not as important what others think, but what the person between your own two ears thinks.

What words of yours cheapened by your actions? How can you correct this? We could all use a little help when it comes to this, so feel free to leave your suggestions below.

CHANGE THE CONVERSATION 🗣

Last post we discussed the magic we can create in our lives when we return the childhood act of finding the beauty that is all around us. If you haven’t read that, I highly suggest you do. When we are starting to make note of all the beautiful things that we might be missing in life, it can be helpful to at least start the habit alone. Once you see how much happier you are and how much more energy you have you will want to share this with everyone you care about! It would even help, sometimes to a greater extent, those people you find it difficult to be around. That is exactly what we are going to suggest you do in this post!

As tempting as sharing your new way of going through life may be, I suggest waiting for a little bit. The reason being, that some people could resist change, especially before they see the result. What is more amusing, I speak from personal experience, is to interject some of the beautiful things you have seen into your conversations with this person. When they are filling you will information about the latest violent crime or political happenings, just throw in the anecdote about how you had a nice saying written on your coffee cup you picked up in the drive thru or about a particularly charming garden you happen to see as you were driving. Initially, these may be swept aside after a brief acknowledgement. That’s to be expected. Many people do not know, and often feel uncomfortable, carrying on a positive conversation.

This may seem deflating initially. Especially in the beginning. Remember, these people have been programed, as we all have, to notice and concentrate on the negative in life. Do not be discouraged. Notice it, have an inward chuckle, and share a little bit more of the beauty you have discovered. Slowly, maybe after several meetings, they will stop resisting the positive elements you bring to the conversation. They may even feel compelled to share one of their own. They may realize, “I am meeting Neil for coffee today. I know he will have some positive thing to share. I guess I better have something to share as well.” Before you know it, they may even bring up positive elements to discuss. In this way, they will be helping you to remember to continue to focus on the beauty and magic in life.

There is one more very important reason to develop this habit of positive conversation. That reason is that adding positivity to anyone’s life, could literally be a lifesaver! We never know how our interactions can affect someone’s life. Let us make sure that they are positive ones. Sharing one more depressing news item, or one negative thing about the world at large, can push someone over the edge. The opposite is also true. Adding some positive conversation or some beauty and magic to someone’s life may change their entire day. It may also save their life if they are on that edge. Something we may often never know. Why take that chance? Make sure what you share with the world, and those it, is positive. The best way to do that? Use the tips discussed in this, and the post before it, to transform your life to one of beauty and magic!