Tag: self-improvement

STOP WISHING YOUR LIFE WAS BETTER

What an uninspiring title! Shouldn’t we wish our lives were better? I do suppose the title could have read ‘Do not just wish your life was better’. What we are proposing here is not sitting back and constantly lamenting our life is not all that we desire it to be. Instead, turning that desire into action! Wishing your life was better without taking any action is little better than whining.

What if you do not know what action to take? It is my desire to be a best-selling author. Until that happens, I will continue to work on improving every aspect of my writing and do my best to get it into the hands and minds of as many people as I can. It is also important to work on ourselves. Continuing to improve as many aspects of our person as we are able. Becoming the best version of ourselves is a journey without a finish line. That means there are always ways in which we can better our best. That should excite you. This means there is the possibility for your life to improve in ways in which we have not even considered.

If you find yourself wishing your life was better but not taking any action to make it so, ask yourself why? Are you expecting your fairy godmother to come down and grant you a better life? This may sound a bit fantastical. That is because it is. There is no other way to improve your life than to take consisitent action in that direction. Make sure you do not fall into the trap of all talk and no action. Do not just wish your life was better. Make yourself, and your life, better through your actions.

BISON WISDOM

Here is an interesting change in mindset for us to consider. When facing challenges, perhaps leaning into them will help us get through them quicker. We have all procrastinated. We have all done our best to run from or avoid our problems all together. That usually leaves us living a life full of stress. Instead of having a difficult conversation, we spend our time avoiding someone. Instead of addressing our finances, we just do not look at the bank statement. Eventually, the time will come and all of the stress we experienced delaying or avoiding the problem will really be for nothing. It would be far better, and it would be over far sooner, if we faced the challenge head on.

Yes, this is often uncomfortable. What is the alternative? We are filled with stress thinking about and dreading the action until we cannot avoid it any longer? That is only extending the stress. Another great analogy is avoiding going to the dentist for a toothache. Sure, the dentist is the last place most of us, myself included, want to end up. Eventually, the pain will become too great and we will find ourself in the chair with a paper bib attached to us. A short while later, although it may seem like an eternity, the situation will be addressed. In a few days, the pain will likely be gone. All of that suffering we put ourselves through leading up to the appointment could have been avoided by leaning into the challenge and getting the tooth taken care of right away.

How about you? Is there something in your that would be over if you just turned around and faced it? There are times when we do need to rest and recover. That is different than running from a challenge. Most times, the best course of action is to do as the bison do and face the storm head on. It will help us get through it a lot quicker and with a lot less stress.

ADVICE TO A FRIEND

Here is a real-life situation that I wanted to share because it affects a lot of us. Your situation may not be exactly the same, but I bet you can relate in some form or fashion. A gentleman at work asked if he could run something by me that he was dealing with. Always happy to help a friend I quickly said “Yes.” He told me his brother discovered his wife had been cheating on him, was planning to leave him. That of course made him feel worthless and in this case he was thinking of all kinds of unpleasant ways of dealing with the situation.

This friend was very concerned for his brother and could relate. He said that he had tried talking to his brother, but feeling as he did, his brother did not want to talk to anyone. In a desperate situation, he asked me what I would do. Here was my best advice. I asked what his brother was good at. He told me his brother was an expert on music trivia. I told him to tell his brother he had a music question and he knew he was exactly the person who could help him with it. This would do several things for his brother. First, it would help him realize that he did have skills and value. Sure, music trivia may seem insignificant, but when you are feeling useless, anything helps. Second, it will give his brother an opportunity to help someone. This will give a feeling of purpose and value as well. In addition, by giving help, he may feel a little more comfortable asking for help. It would help ‘balance the scales’ if you will. In thanking his brother for the help, it would also give his brother a sense of accomplishment. Letting him know that he did do something good for someone.

What would you have done in this situation? Have you ever found yourself in the same situation as my coworker, or maybe even as his brother? It is so important to know that we all have value. It may not be in the area we are currently wanting it to be, but we are very valuable just the same. The world would be a lot darker without us in it. When we are feeling down, we need to be reminded of all the good we can do. It may be as simple as helping others. Regaining that feeling of value and accomplishment.

On another note, this is why it is so important to remind all of the people in our lives of their value and importance. You never know when they will be hit by something that seems stronger than them. Everyone needs to be reminded of their strength. Think of someone you can do this for today. Do not wait until someone is hurting to remind them how special they are.

PERFECT WAY TO HAVE A GOOD MORNING

We all start our day in our own way. Some of us it is by drinking a cup of coffee. Some of us check our emails. Some motivated souls even start the day with a little physical fitness. How we start our day goes a long way in determining how our day will go. If, for example, our first thing we do is to pick up our phone and see what social media or the world at large is up to, we leave ourself open to negative influences. Unless that day the world and social media consists of entirely positive news. Perhaps you can see the likelihood of that happening.

What if there was a guaranteed way to start the day with a smile that would not only increase our chances of keeping that smile on our face the whole day long, but increase the bond in many of our relationships too? It is one simple action that can have a powerful influence on both. If you read the photo at the start of this post, you have an idea of what I am talking about. It is the simple act of starting our day expressing gratitude for the amazing people in our life. How do you think your day would start if you picked up the phone, called a friend and said, “I am just calling to tell you how awesome I think you are and how grateful I am to have you in my life. I hope you have a great day.” Do you think that would make it more likely you would have a great day not to mention the friend who received that phone call? Not to mention the strengthening of the bond between the both of you.

Maybe calling people is not your thing. Maybe you start work at 4am like I do. In which case, even a friendly phone call might not be appreciated. We are lucky that we live in a time where there are so many other options. We could send a quick text for them to read to start their day. Opening your phone to a text letting you know how grateful your friend is to have you in their life would be great way to start the day. If you start your day on social media, how much better would it be to pick a random person and leave a comment on their page letting them know how amazing they are and how grateful you are for them? It would be a great start to the day for both of them. How about doing this for a coworker when you get to work? The great thing about all of these examples is that they can become contagious. When you can start a group of people doing this, imagine the possibilities? All of you starting your day expressing gratitude for each other?

Even if you are a rather shy person, this can still work. Picking one of your friends and looking at a picture of them, or even just picturing them in your head. Then list off some of the things that make them the great person you are. Let them know how grateful you are for them. If you do it this way, you might miss the opportunity to brighten someone else’s day, but you still receive the benefits of gratitude. These include, but are not limited to, reduced stress, increased immune function and an overall sense of well-being.

Start your next morning with a dose of gratitude. It will brighten the days of those you care about and make sure you have a much happier day as well.

COME PLAY IN THE SANDBOX

We touched on this a few posts ago when looking at the ‘Golden Rule’ and how many belief systems include it. We do have a lot more in common that most of us would feel comfortable to admit. What about those pesky differences? The ones that keep wars occurring, people arguing and relationships ending? How can humanity survive all of that? By learning to play in the sandbox together. Again, this is a lesson we can learn from our children. On any given day, you can see a group of children who are all different playing together in the sandbox. They might be from different economic levels, different religions and different races. The only important thing to them is helping each other build a sand castle.

As an adult life cannot really be that simple though, can it? Yes, it can. These children do not mind that each other are different. As a matter of fact, they are focused on the moment and what they have in common – they are all playing in the sandbox. The sandbox can represent life itself. We are all playing in the same sandbox that is life. We might be trying to build different sand castles, but we are all doing the best we can. As I look around the coffee shop where I am writing, there are many people who are all different. Different ages, different genders and different social groups. We are all here drinking some sort of beverages and working on things in our life. It could be reading a book or finishing a term paper. The fact is that we all chose to come to the coffee shop to work on something. Even if that something is just connecting with and sharing conversation with a friend.

You can see how even in that example there are both differences we could focus on, or we could chose to focus on what we all have in common. The difference? Well that is also stated in small letters at the bottom of the picture above – “Be happy, enjoy life”. By choosing to focus on what we have in common instead of our differences we will do just that. We will be happier and enjoying life a lot more.

WHY YOU WILL WANT TO BE PART OF THIS COMMUNITY

Here is a sample of some of the countries that we were viewed in the other day. You can see that they cover all 7 continents. Yes, even on the bottom there we were viewed in Antarctica! That cold and brave soul probably needed a little inspiration and motivation. It is so important to share this site and this community with those you care about. By working and thinking together we can help all of us to become the best version of ourselves that we can be. On the days that we do not reach that level, we can encourage and uplift one another. That is also a great blessing of being in this community.

The above picture represents all of the areas in which this site has been viewed this year. Where we have been is shaded in green. Where we have yet to go is in grey. As you can see, being part of this community is a global experience. We all have the same desire to live an amazing life and become the best version of ourselves. That holds true across geographical borders as well as cultures and belief systems. As different as we are, we have so much in common. That means that stranger you encounter on your daily commute or when you stop at the local coffee shop is probably fighting some of the same battles you are. They are also striving to reach some of the same goals you are.

This is important for several reasons. First, you may have learned something about the struggle you both are in that you can share with them. Second, they may hold the secret to helping you in an area of your life that you have been stuck in. That leads me to that last, and most important, reason why keeping these similarities in mind is so important. We are far less likely to approach and converse with someone when we focus on our differences instead of what we all have in common. If being the main author of this site has taught me one thing, it is that we are all far more alike than most of us care to admit. We may think and worship in different ways, but we all have the same needs and desires. We want to feel loved, significant and connection. We want to feel valued and like our life has purpose. This site not only provides tools and strategies to do so, but a community to help reinforce these values and support us in our quest to become the best version of ourself.

REGRET SHOULD BE FUEL

There certainly have been some things in my past that I regret and I am that proud of. How about you? I think most of us have a few of those. How do they affect you currently? Beating yourself up over them is not very healthy. It can be rather counter productive. It can ruin self-confidence, increase doubt and have you feeling down. Is the answer to forget about them all together? Not at all. Making a mistake and forgetting all about it can doom you to repeat the same one. Like the ‘Groundhog Day’ of bad behavior. That would not be good for anyone.

If the answer is not to dwell on them or forget them, than what are we supposed to do with all of the things we regret? If you are looking to live an amazing life, than put them to work for you! Let them help you to live a more rewarding life going forward. Perhaps you were not as appreciative of a gift that someone worked hard to give you in the past and that really haunts you. In that case, make sure to be grateful for the actions and gifts that people bring to you going forward. Let that memory serve as a painful reminder of how it feels when you are not grateful, or at least do not express it as much as you would like to.

All regrets can be put into use this way. That way, even regret can serve as something useful for us. In your life do you have any regrets? If so, how can you use them to improve your life going forward? This is a question we must ask ourselves. We all have regrets. The better we are at using them to improve our life going forward, the better our life would be. Turn your regrets from something holding you back to a tool to help move you forward starting today!

ALIGN NOT HUSTLE

Let me start this by saying that I am an advocate of hard work. I believe that many of us have a lot more in us than we are using. We fall victim to distraction. Life, however, is about more than just hustling. Going from activity to activity. That can be working, volunteering or even social appointments. We must make time for the ‘3 Rs’. Those, as stated above are rest, recovery and reflection. These are quite different than doom scrolling for several hours or binge watching a series on Netflix. Let us take a little bit of a dive.

In the ‘hustle culture’, taking a break is considered a fault. That is more to what we do on those breaks. When you work, you should be focused on work. When you rest, the focus should be on resting. It is that last part that has many of us fooled. Resting is not the same as being distracted. When you stop cleaning the house to binge watch television, your brain, and the rest of you, do not get a break. That is why you can end up feeling even more drained after the 1 episode that turned into 8 than you were when you first turned on the television. We need to make sure our brain has a chance to power down for a bit. It is possible. Trust me, at my day job there are people who operate in this mode an entire day. In all seriousness, giving your brain nothing to focus on for a while allows it to refresh. That will save you from burnout.

Recovery is another very important aspect of life. One I suffer from neglecting if we are being honest. You want to get something done. Maybe it is getting in shape or that yard work you have been putting off. Your body is getting tired and maybe a little sore. You must take some time to let it heal as well. As the cliche goes, “If you do not take time for wellness, you will have to make time for illness.” Letting your body and your mind recover from the trauma and hard work you put them through is important. You do not want either to break down. The same can be said for our spirit. Often we are so busy distracting ourselves with social media, television and every other distraction at our disposal, that we cannot understand why we wake up feeling sad or depressed one day. Your spirit needs time to recover. Especially in an age filled with negative influences around every corner.

Last is reflection. You may not think sitting and thinking, or even just pondering, is productive, but I am here to assure you of the opposite. It is in this action that new and good ideas come to us. If we are constantly feeding ourselves information, we are never creating, we are just consuming. Take some time to let your mind put all of those great ideas together and come up with something uniquely you.

In a hustle world, the 3 Rs are not an option to use when you have time. They are necessary to maintain progress. In many cases, ignoring them is what is keeping you stuck. Do not settle for distraction. Instead, have focused rest, recovery and reflection.

YOUR SEEDS OF GREATNESS

Let us have a discussion about the journey of self-improvement and becoming the best version of yourself. This is a self-improvement website after all. Many people are looking for the ‘lifestyle hack’ or the quick fix to transform into this magically positive and productive person. Others are searching for the secret knowledge, or the one thing that can turn their life around. After over 2 decades in this field, here is what I have learned – it is not that complicated. There are many paths to discovering and living your greatness. What makes you great may be different than what makes me, your neighbor or your child great.

This is where it becomes a bit tricky for someone who is coaching others to become the best version of themselves. If everyone is unique, how can you develop tools and strategies that will work for everyone? There are universal principles, which can be customized to the individual, that when applied work for everyone. One of these is understanding how all of this works. One of the best ways I have discovered is by using analogies that make it easier to understand. That is what we are going to attempt to do here today.

Think of an apple. Let us say that one of your friends gives you an apple. As you begin to eat it, the thought occurs to you that you would love more of these delicious apples. Inside that very apple is a few seeds. What happens if you plant them? Does each one give you an apple? No, it is not a one for one turn around. What does happen, eventually, is you grow and apple tree. That tree has many apples. Each of those apples have several seeds. If you continue to replant the seeds, you end up with an orchard and all of the apples you can enjoy. In fact, you can even share the apples with others at that point.

You may be thinking, “Cute apple story Neil, but what does that have to do with becoming the best version of myself?” In a word, everything! That apple that someone gave you is a tool or strategy that can improve your life. Inside of each tool or strategy is a ‘seed’ of greatness. These seeds can even be found in challenges, chance meetings and pretty much any situation in life. When we ‘plant’ the seed. That is akin to putting what we have learned into action in our life. Here where the magic happens if we do it the right way. Let us take developing an attitude of gratitude as an example. When we plant the seed and begin to utilize gratitude in our life, not much may change right away. This is what happens when you first plant the apple seed. It takes a while to grow the tree. If we water and take care of the seed, the quicker the tree will grow and the sooner we will reap our harvest. This is what happens when we continue to take the self-improvement action even if we are not seeing the immediate results.

What would happen if we plant an apple seed and three days later there is no tree so we dig up the seed to see if it is working? One, we would disrupt and slow down the growth cycle of the seed. Done enough times, the seed will die and nothing will grow. This is what we do when we are filled with doubt or stop using the tools and strategies because we do not see results in the time we desire. It is like wanting the tree to grow overnight. It often does not work that way. If we stick with it and water that seed, so we will harvest more than we had initially. Think of practicing being grateful. If we do it long enough to develop an attitude of gratitude, our life will transform in far greater ways than just being thankful. Remember this analogy when you are not seeing results as quickly as you would like.

A SNAKE CAN’T BITE IF…

Another piece of information that seems like a no-brainer. How easy does it get lost in the whirlwind of emotion? If there is a person that is always upsetting you and stressing you out, get far away from them. Some of you might be saying, “It is my boss, my mother or my friend. I can’t just walk away.” I am here to tell you that you can indeed walk away. If you are sacrificing your emotional well-being as to not offend them, you need to make yourself more of a priority.

We certainly cannot just up and quit our jobs or turn our back on family, can we? If it is causing you enough grief, then you must do what you need to do. At the very least, there are two action steps that will make this a lot easier on you and end up with a healthier state of mind. First, have the hard conversation. Tell them how you feel. This does not mean blaming or unloading on the person. That will only add to the stress. Explain your desire to maintain whatever level of relationship you desire, but that you have boundaries and what stresses you out. Be willing to listen to their side of the story. At the same time, have an action plan in case the conversation does not yield the desired results. Begin looking for that new job, or be emotionally preparing yourself to live life without that person.

On occasion, after your absence, the person may realize how important your mental health is and may have a greater desire to return to your life without stressing you out. Sometimes they will not. Sometimes they may even tell others what a terrible person you are for having boundaries and standing up for them. They, of course, will not word it that way. Usually in a way that paints you in a negative light. Be ready for that. It is often an unfair price to pay, but one well worth the stress you will be losing. Do not give people the opportunity to hurt or stress you out. A snake cannot bite you if you do not go near it. Keep that image in your mind as you go through this process. You may find it helpful. Also remember you deserve a peaceful life. Give it to yourself.