Last post we discussed how self-discipline can help us start our day with a winning attitude. Many people struggle with self-discipline. In a world where almost everything can be a push of a button away, it can be hard to understand the importance of delayed gratification. What is even more difficult for many to understand is why we must do something that we deem uncomfortable or undesirable even if it leads to success later on. A friend of mine once told me, “Why would I want to work out? It makes me sore and I feel fine sitting on the couch watching movies.” That may be true in the moment, but which behavior will we wish we would have acted on ten years down the line?
The answer to that question should be fairly obvious. We would be a lot better off taking care of our health, even if it means a little discomfort in the present. A less-than-enlightened coworker of mine was remarked, “Why should I care about improving my life? We are all going to die. Just like lemmings jumping off a cliff.” Not only is that statement a very depressing outlook on life, it overlooks one important point. We are all lemmings jumping off that cliff. This is metaphorical. I do not believe any lemmings read the post. If we are all going to die what is the point of living? How about to have the most fun we can on the way down that cliff? We should work to squeeze as much out of our life as we can.
Reminding ourself the importance of why we must work to become the best version of ourselves is key to self-discipline. When I think about not wanting to work out after a long day at work or not wanting to write, I think about my beautiful lady and how she deserves to have the best version of me. I think about all of you who read these blogs. There have been several people who have told me how much they impact their day and their life. Would I rather sit in the park and watch the birds on a lovely day? Absolutely. Could I do that after writing for an hour? Yes indeed. When I look back on my life I want to be proud of the life I lived. I can only do that if I exercise my discipline.
After working on being grateful for these last 28 days, this is a fun one. What small thing happened today that you are grateful for? It is a million little things. That is the idea behind taking a month and being grateful for something different each day. Just last post we looked at the things we use daily that we are grateful for. Without which we would be terribly inconvenienced. In that post we thought of several you could be grateful for before you even leave the house. A toothbrush, clean water, deodorant. After I wrote that post, my mother mentioned a toilet. It sure is a lot more convenient than having to walk out to an outhouse. This is true especially when the temperature falls below freezing.
The question remains. What small thing happened to me that I was grateful for? It was a moment that occurred just before I began writing this blog. As I was waiting for my computer to boot up, my screen saver popped up. It is a picture of my lovely lady and I in Jamaica. I thought of how we will be there again soon. I also thought of all the fun we are going to have. How grateful I am to have her in my life. “It really is a good day.” I thought to myself. I have just returned from a workout with my mother. She joined my gym and will be continuing her fitness journey. That was really a great time we had. The sun is shinning and the weather is unseasonably warm today. That makes me very happy and grateful.
Looking at any of these things, one may not think they are that important, but together they make for a great day. Having that moment where you feel so happy, content and blessed before you even start writing is an awesome situation to be in. It is that moment, and all of the moments that went into creating it, that I am most grateful for today. All that and the day is not even halfway over! What about you? Is there a little thing that happened to you that you are grateful for today?
Here is an oddly specific question. What moment this week are you most grateful for? My own life is a personal collection of moments I am most grateful for. It would be difficult to pick out just one. As I write this, reflecting on the week that has just passed, there are many moments to be grateful for. The first that came to mind was the day I just had with my mother. We visited the local museum for an in-depth look at some of the displays they had. Guides offered a little behind-the-scenes information. We learned a lot and it was a lot of fun. After which we stopped for lunch. Even though the server was a little sunshine challenged, it brought humor to us and we had a great time. Then we did a little grocery shopping. I came home and Margie and I cooked and enjoyed a delicious and filling meal together. After which we watched a movie and fell blissfully asleep next to each other.
That is just one day of my week. Which of those moments should I be most grateful for? It is really hard to say. As we develop an ‘attitude of gratitude’ together these 30 days, you will start to see that almost every moment offers something to be grateful for. Having a difficult time deciding what moment in that past week to be most grateful for is something to be grateful for itself. That means I have a life filled with moments to be grateful for. That is true of all of our lives. Being able to see that this is so, yes that is also something to be grateful for.
You can see how pondering what moment in the past week you are most grateful for can help you feel more grateful all the way around. It also helps us realize that in what may seem like a stressful week, there are still plenty of things that went right and that we can be grateful for. How about you? What are you grateful for this past week? Was it a victory or, like we discussed last post, was it a challenged that helped you learn something valuable about yourself or someone else? I would love to hear about it in the comments below.
Today is another one of those moments of gratitude we do not often think about. Be honest, when was the last time you sat down and thought to yourself, “What tradition am I grateful for?” It has probably been quite some time, if you have ever done that at all. When we talk traditions, the first thing to come to many people’s minds are holidays. My favorite holiday is Thanksgiving. There are a few traditions to this holiday. There is gathering with family and a big meal. What I have found that younger generations are a little less enthusiastic about traditions than previous generations. This is both good and bad. On one hand traditions are what keep us together. It is a communal action that we all can be a part of. On the other hand, it is good to question why we are doing certain traditions and what are the impacts of them.
This leads me to what I am grateful for when it comes to tradition. The potential of traditions themselves. Many of our traditions are passed down from generations prior. If we can take a fresh look at them and add our own twist the traditions can serve us better. We can even develop new and empowering traditions. How can a tradition be empowering? How about when you see a friend you begin by both sharing one thing you are grateful for about the other? This would not only add joy to the encounter, but have you thinking about why you are grateful for that person when you are not together. How about the tradition of expressing one thing you love about your spouse every time you come home from work? That, again, would have you thinking about why you love them all day long or at least the whole drive home.
You do not even need to involve other people to create a powerful tradition. You could start each day by paying yourself a compliment in the bathroom mirror. How about once a week writing down one thing about yourself that you are grateful for? These do not involve others but still can empower you. You can start a tradition that brings you love, joy or laughter to your life. Traditions should be a fun event you look forward to. It should not be an obligation. Having a tradition that you look forward to that can also help you to become the best version of yourself is certainly something to look forward to. That is why the potential of tradition is something I look forward to! How about you? What tradition do you look forward to?
Welcome to day 17 of our 30 day gratitude journey. Today is a tricky one for me. What knowledge am I grateful for? Being a lifelong learner, it can be hard to pick just one. Lucky for us the question is not worded that way. When it comes to knowledge, we all are proficient in some area. What is your area? Is that the knowledge you are most grateful for?
One of the bits of knowledge that I think is vital in this day and age is the ability to read. With this information, you can learn anything else you desire. The internet, combined with YouTube can teach us almost anything we desire to know. All that is required is the ability to read and a little bit of time. I value the knowledge of interpersonal relations. Despite the world becoming more and more ‘virtual’, the ability to develop repour with other humans is a priceless skill. Whether that connection happens online or virtual, the skills are very similar.
Here is yet another way in which to look at this situation. You do not have to possess the knowledge for which you are grateful. I am very grateful for all of the medical knowledge that has come out and continues to develop. Can you picture going to a dentist who only had knowledge from 100 years ago? It is frightening enough to picture going to the dentist as it is. How about fixing computers? Mine is painfully slow right now. I do wish I knew more in this field, but I am grateful for those who do. Same with mechanics. Looking at the amazing cakes my lady creates. That is knowledge that I will never possess.
To me, the more knowledge you have the more valuable you can be. Not only to the world at large, but to yourself as well. Think of all you can learn and all you can become? I think we could all agree that obtaining this knowledge is easier today than at anytime in history!
We spent the last few posts discussing the power of gratitude. Today, we are going to discuss another emotion with a great impact in our life. That is the power of belief. What we believe will determine, to a great deal, what we will or will not do in life. If we believe that all charities are scams, we are unlikely to donate money to any cause. If we believe all people in life are out to get something, we may have a hard time accepting compliments as being genuine. You may have not stop to consider how your belief about other people’s motivations could impact your ability to accept compliments about yourself, but you can see how it would impact that.
This post is about another important belief, our belief in ourselves. Do you believe in yourself? Sure, it may have some to do with the situation. My belief in myself when it comes to speaking in front of others is a lot greater than dancing in front of others. For you it might be the exact opposite. What happens when that belief falters? There are two very important steps we can take to help us in just such a situation. This is not mere theory. Just today practicing the second of these steps allowed me to write when I didn’t think I had it in me. We will get to that after discussing the first step.
The first is to keep track of some of the great things we have done in our life. Especially if it involves overcoming any kind of challenge. David Goggins, one of my favorite speakers and authors, calls it the cookie jar. When you are young and you were upset, you could often reach in the cookie jar and pull out a cookie to make you feel better. Sadly, that may only work so well as an adult. The cookie jar we are talking about is the reminders of all that we have accomplished. Often when we think we would be unable to. David Goggins is also an ultra marathon runner. He was asked what he thinks about at mile 50 or mile 75 when his body just wants to give up. This was a question that interested me. Not only in terms of what the hell would you think about after running 75 miles? Also because it is a great metaphor for life. How often can work, family or relationship stress feel like running a 100 mile race? Sometimes running may even sound easier than what we are going through. Our belief in ourself may come into question. Perhaps the task is seemingly insurmountable or we have already made some terrible mistake? Then what? We need to go into that cookie jar in our brain and pull out one of those ‘cookies’ of our past accomplishments. When we overcame the odds or accomplished something great. We need to remind ourselves how awesome we are.
The second thing that is important to do is to surround ourselves with people who also believe in us. Sometimes we just can’t reach the cookie jar and we need someone else to reach inside and hand us a cookie. The more they know and care about us, the better they are able to do this. It is another great reason to put in the work to build and grow your relationships. It will come back to serve you as well. I promised you a personal example of this. The people in the two pictures above are myself and my lovely lady. I am the one with the facial hair in case you are still confused. We have been together going on 12 years. Just yesterday, I took her on a date. Why am I still dating my lady after 12 years? Here is why. Today I was having a bad case of writer’s block. I messaged her to tell her. Her response? “I believe in you. You are always so smart and patient.” Those few words gave me the belief in myself to write several blogs, including the very one you are reading. Having someone to believe in you when you are doubting yourself is not only a great gift, but why a relationship is a great responsibility. It is also why a beautiful sweet lady is one of the greatest gifts and one that I treasure.
Believing in ourselves allows to accomplish far more than if we doubt ourself. Taking these two steps can help us either develop or improve that belief. Keeping a ‘mental cookie jar’ of our accomplishments and fostering our relationships with those who do believe in us will help keep us going. As I was writing this, a new self-improvement tool popped into my head. It will be in the upcoming book, but you will hear it hear first. It may not be a bad idea to keep an actual cookie jar and write down your accomplishments to put in there. When we need that emotional ‘cookie’, it can be hard to come up with. Especially if we are in a negative emotional state. Having written examples of them will take the thinking part out of the equation and still help our belief in ourself. This certainly isn’t necessary, but does make the process a lot easier and more effective. Whatever you decide to do, make sure you add these two steps to your life to improve the belief you have in yourself. Use that belief to accomplish the greatness that is inside of you.
Last post we talked about my introduction to the power of gratitude. In a way it was also my introduction to the world of self-improvement. That has went on to shape the path of my life for the last 25+ years. If you did not read our last conversation, might I suggest you give it a look. In a nutshell, I began using gratitude to prove that it made no difference in your life. By the end of 30 days, I was encouraging all of my friends and family to use it too. Quite the turnaround for someone who began with a very cynical attitude. After I was so excited and convinced that gratitude can change your life, the universe seemed to say, “Let us see how committed you are to this.” The world often works this way. It will test you to see how serious you are about your journey. In this case, after having this crash course in gratitude, I literally crashed. A young man stopped in the middle of an intersection and I ended up going through my windshield.
Most people would think this would be a situation that would deter someone from feeling grateful. Certainly it is not an experience that I would recommend. Let me tell you what I did learn about myself. I am not a very good friend to me most of the time. What on earth does that mean? It means that my inner conversation had been one of discouragement and negative sarcasm. That is the majority of what we run into in the world today. We seldom pay attention to our inner dialogue. It seems to be a running conversation that occurs in our head unfettered. Let me assure you when you wake up in a hospital bed after headbutting the windshield of a 2000 Jeep, you have plenty of time to pay attention to what you are saying to yourself. Mine wasn’t so good…to begin with. I recall waking up and thinking, “This sucks.” There may have been a few more colorful words thrown in, but you get the idea. My car was totaled. I was going to miss my first day of work in 9 years. None of it was good, or so I thought.
Just as I was swimming in a sea of self-pity, something, or should I say someone, changed all that. A nurse came in and said those five magic words. “Would you like some coffee?” Sadly, it wasn’t as much as these nurses above had. In fact, it was rather awful coffee in a little Styrofoam cup. It was, however, coffee. I recall saying to myself, “At least I have a cup of coffee.” Then all of that gratitude I had been practicing came back. I thought if it can work when life is sunshine and rainbows, let us see if it will work now. I started contemplating what I could be grateful for. I did have insurance, even if the young man who caused the accident did not. I was alive to be having this conversation with myself. There was family on the way to help me. Suddenly the outlook did not seem as gloomy. There was potential, if nothing else.
That is when I learned a very valuable lesson. The conversation we have with ourself has a great impact on our emotional condition. As a matter of fact, I would say it determines our emotional condition. Also discovered in that moment was the fact that the conversation we have with ourselves can be controlled. We are not at the whim of that inner voice, or voices depending on the individual. No, we have a say in how we talk to ourself. We can be our best friend cheering ourselves on, or we can be our worst enemy putting ourselves down. Either way, the impact is just as great on the rest of our life.
One other thing that happened in that moment, that I may not have wrapped my head around until much later was the realization that two opposing views can be true. In fact, two opposing worlds can be true. We have all heard the quandary over whether the glass is half full or half empty. Both can be true at the same time. When you are grateful, you are seeing the glass as half full. Neither view changes the actual state of the liquid in the glass, it only changes how you feel observing it. What is the big deal about that? How you feel is your life. If you are a person who finds every reason to complain and you win a million dollars, you will just be a millionaire who likes to complain. That is why taking control of the inner conversation is so important. It determines the quality of your life. The best way to make sure that conversation is a good one is by developing an attitude of gratitude.
In both the Testament of Solomon and the Talmud, it was said that King Solomon enslaved demons and forced them to build the temple. As most of you know, this blog is not about religion or what you believe. This story can be interpreted in a way that I feel can help us lead a far more disciplined and productive life. What can a king from over 2000 years ago help us discover secrets to an amazing life? More importantly, what can enslaving demons to build a temple teach us about creating a successful life today? Plenty. It is all in how we look at this story.
Let us take a look at what temple you are building. Certainly, there are many different kinds of temples. If everyone in the world built a temple, would that not require a great deal of real estate? Even if just everyone reading this blog built a temple, I fear it would cost some wonderful four-legged friends we share the planet with their homes. Lucky for us, the temple does not have to be a building. Unless of course that is the thing you actually do. In the modern world, your temple can be anything you are building to honor the life you have been given. It can be a fit body, like the couple above. It can be an amazing cake like my lovely lady creates. It can be a clean house, a healthy relationship, or even writing a fourth book like I am endeavoring to do. What you are working on is your temple.
You might find yourself at this point asking, “Can I really summon a demon to help me make it to the gym?” The answer is both yes and no. For those of you that are frightened by this whole prospect, let me assure you that we are not talking about engaging in diabolical behavior and summoning some demonic creature with wings and a tail. In some ways these demons are a lot closer, and to me, a lot scarier. The demons are the parts of us working to sabotage our success. It is what some people refer to as the “Dark side of humanity.” There are some who say it is best to bury and pretend our dark side does not exist. Not only is this a fool’s errand, but if you do not get control of your dark side, your personal demons if you will, they will get control of you at the worst times. Let us take a look at what I mean by this.
Who are these demons? They are the dark parts of us that often hold us back in life. It could be the demon of anger that causes us to say hurtful things to our spouse in the heat of an argument. It could be the demon of distraction that keeps us from focusing on our goals. Did I mention that I am still working on my fourth book? As you can see, fighting these demons is a daily job. It is not simply ‘resisting’ them. It is acknowledging them and then using that energy they take for constructive purpose. If you get angry during a heated disagreement, say to your demon of anger, “I see you tempting me to tear into this person. I am not going to let you destroy another relationship in my life.” Then use that energy to go for a run, or dive deep into improving the quality of your relationship. How about that all too present demon of distraction? Trust me, this one is everywhere. We even carry it in our pocket everywhere we go. I can’t tell you how tempting it is to practice my chair dancing skills when a good song comes on at the coffee shop I am supposed to be writing at. In this case, I say to that demon of distraction, “I see you there trying to shift my focus.” Perhaps I use that energy to focus on completing 1000 words so I can dance to my hearts content?
I do not know what demons you are currently facing. It could be distraction, laziness, procrastination. There are so many that do there best to keep us from building our temple. Whatever that successful life looks like for us. It is in acknowledging that dark side of us and using the energy it contains to push us one step closer to an amazing life. This is not easy. It is a daily fight and a difficult struggle. The rewards are the amazing life that we deserve. Do not give in to your demons. Use them to build your temple!
This is one of these messages that can be tough to read and even tougher to experience. Comfort can be a great thing and is the goal of many people. As wonderful as comfort is, it can prevent us from growth and many experiences that will bless our lives and give us the power to help others. Maybe it is the job or relationship that you stay in despite knowing that it is not for you. It isn’t bad, but it is not helping you grow. Your job may be draining your soul, but it is paying your bills. Sometimes the universe knows that you could make a far bigger impact if only you trusted yourself to move on from what is not serving you.
I cannot count the times that this has been true in my own life. Far too often growth only happens when the pain of staying the same is greater than the pain of changing. Growth and increase are often uncomfortable. When we leave certain elements of our past behind to become a better version of ourselves it can be scary, and yes painful. Do you know what is even more painful? Coming to the end of our lives and being filled with the regret of all the growth and change we could have experienced and helped others do the same. We failed to take the actions needed because we would have rather remained comfortable.
I experienced this many times. Starting this blog in 2012. It was uncomfortable to admit how much I did not know about creating on online presence. The following year I became and author by publishing my first book, A Happy Life for Busy People. Writing books can always be a scary and uncomfortable experience. Starting a YouTube channel, a podcast and many of the other things I have done in my life were created by a feeling of being uncomfortable with how my life was. The initial feeling of discomfort was not fun, but it was necessary to facilitate the change needed to improve my life and bring the next iteration of who I was to become.
In your own life do not fear discomfort. Embrace it for the change it may be bringing you. Ask yourself if that discomfort may be pushing you to experience a season of growth and increase that comfort may be preventing you from taking the actions to achieve.
I have been involved in the world of self-improvement for over two decades now. I have seem many people, some with the best of intentions, try in vain to improve their lives. Why, when someone is so enthusiastic about improving their life do they fail to do so? It has to do mainly with their mindset when beginning the journey. Our attitude at the onset of a task has a great deal to do with the outcome. Sometimes more so than the circumstances in which we find ourselves surrounded with. That is why it is so important to get this right. To make preparations for the journey before we begin. You wouldn’t go for a long hike without making sure you brought enough water would you?
What is the proper mindset for self-improvement and what preparations should we be making? I think the quote from Mr. Churchill above gives us a few answers. To begin with, we must understand that improving our life is not a linear journey. There will be peaks and valleys. When some experience a setback, they feel that their journey is not working. The setbacks we experience in life often are some of the best teachers and provide knowledge we cannot gain in any other way. We need to prepare for them. We need to do more than understand from an intellectual standpoint that they are coming. We need to prepare for them emotionally as well. How you do this will depend a great deal on you as an individual.
Some things that work for a great deal of people include, but are not limited to the following. One of the most powerful things you can do is to understand your ‘why’ for improving your life. What happens if you do not improve your life? What happens if you stay the same? This might be a good time to scare yourself a little. Does your family have a history of cancer or heart disease? That might be a good motivation to stay in shape. Then there is the other side of the spectrum. What will happen if you do succeed in your efforts? Will you gain the respect and admiration of your spouse or family? Will you have more energy to play with your children or work on your passion project?
You must also create ways of maintaining your enthusiasm. This can be planning little rewards for yourself when you reached certain points of your self-improvement journey. If you are trying to lose a good amount of weight, make sure to honor yourself along the way or it may feel like you will never get there. It also includes giving yourself a little pain when you mess up. Just make sure to not beat yourself up so bad that you feel like giving up. If you binge on a couple of doughnuts after a month of eating good? Yes, realize you made a mistake, but also realize that maybe you used to do it once a week. Keep your enthusiasm. Keep working towards your goal.
One of the main things you can do to assist in this is to keep your goal in front of you. This can be something as simple as an affirmation on the bathroom mirror or more involved like a vision board. Keep your reason for maintaining your effort in front of you too. It could be a picture of your children, your husband or wife. Whatever the reason that will make you push harder when much of you is telling yourself to give up. Make these preparations, and develop this mindset at the beginning and the journey will be a lot easier.
SECRET 2 AN AMAZING LIFE 