Tag: self-improvement

NO MATTER THE WEATHER 🌱

My mother suggested that I use more pictures of my favorite lovable bear, Winnie-the-Pooh, in my posts. This particular picture fits what we are going to talk about today. As you read this, it is the last day of March. This year, spring has seen its share of up and down temperatures where I live. The first day of spring was nice with the thermometer hitting about 50°. A few days later we got 8 inches of snow. For someone who dreads winter, and looks forward to the coming of spring, this is hard to take. Still, knowing the snow should only stick around for a little while, and the possibility of warmer temps any day now, makes it somehow easier to deal with. This thought was bouncing around my head the other morning as I drove to work on icy roads.

If this snowfall occurred in late fall, when the future held cold and more snow, it would be a little more depressing. Knowing that the snow would melt in short order, somehow made the stressful drive a little easier that morning. Same conditions, but the mindset was entirely different. What does all of this have to do with living an amazing life? It was a great example that mindset plays into the level of stress and ability to withstand challenges. It also demonstrated why having a compelling future allows us to make it through a struggling present.

A personal example is my fourth book. I am working on it as we speak. I know there will be long nights of writing thousands of words that may not even be included. There will be tossing and turning because sleep is prevented by ideas bouncing around in my head. There will be weeks of editing, which I enjoy slightly more than a trip to the dentist. If I placed my focus on that, it would be very hard to continue. What I am focused on is positively impacting the lives of millions across the globe! I am thinking about having a book signing that will benefit charity. Having that compelling future will allow me to push through all of the challenges I mentioned.

In your own life, have a compelling future for any endeavor you are embarking on. Another important aspect that we can use, is making sure that future is positive. My third book failed to live up to my expectations. Am I worried or concerned that my fourth might do the same? Not at all. It only drives me to make sure the quality only improves with this latest book. There are certain things beyond our control. We cannot worry about them. We can only focus on what we can control and do it to the best of our ability. Mindset can turn a test into a testimony.

FUN WEEKEND CHALLENGE 😃

It is Saturday so we will not take up too much of your weekend. I thought the above photo would make for an interesting challenge this weekend. If someone makes you happy, make them happier. What a great idea! Not only does it keep our focus on all the wonderful people in our life, but gets our creative juices flowing in a positive manner. How many people waste energy on getting even with someone who has done them wrong? Not only does this reduce you to below the unfortunate soul that did you wrong, but it does absolutely nothing to improve your own life. Every minute you waste on revenge is 60 seconds you could have spent on success.

Two examples from my own life are my mother and my Margie. My mother and I enjoy sharing things such as different coffee we have tried as well as coupons we get that the other may use. We also enjoy taking one another out for coffee and a good conversation. Margie does things to make me happy without her even knowing it. To this end, I am constantly working to find ways in which I can make her happy. This is one of the keys to our relationship being successful. We are always working to make the other happy. Not to mention, when your significant other is happy, the household is happy and thus, you are happy.

The conclusion of all this is that the more people you make happy in your life, the more happiness there will be. That is happiness for them, and happiness for you. Spending that 60 seconds on increasing the happiness in someone’s life, and therefore the world, serves us all. This weekend, if someone makes you happy, think of how you could return the favor. It doesn’t have to stop when Monday rolls around. This would be a fun and beneficial action to add to your lifestyle. Before you know it, your life will be filled with a lot more happy people. The best part? You will be one of them!

LOOK FOR A GREEN FLAG 🟩

You hear a lot about seeing red flags in people these days. You hear about it on dating sites, on social media, and even in books and YouTube videos about relationships. It is good to have a list of signs that someone, be they friend or intimate partner, is not right for you. Being able to identify and set boundaries early on will certainly make life easier. Knowing when a person’s values do not match yours is crucial for long-term success in any relationship.

As I often do, this made me ask the question, “What about the positive side of this?” This was a little awkward as I asked this when I was sitting alone at a coffee shop, but I digress. Equally as important to knowing what you don’t want in a relationship, is focusing on what you do want. It may actually be more important as it has been shown we tend to attract to our lives that which we focus on. If you are constantly saying, “I am sick of meeting people who don’t have their life together.” That is what you will tend to see.

Instead, let us focus on what we are looking for. What are some of your green flags? Mine are people who are driven to improve their lives. I enjoy people I can discuss both new-age and self-improvement concepts with. Maybe someone with an appreciation for the tropics. People who have a general positive outlook on life tend to get a green flag from me. Anyone who has a grateful heart is a green flag in my book.

This is not to say that if someone doesn’t seem to match what you consider a green flag that you automatically discount them. We need friends that offer us a little contrast. Rather, it is to train our focus to notice those who share some of the character traits we find enjoyable. If we come up with a list of things that we consider green flags, it should also bring up a feeling of gratitude for those already in our lives that posses these traits.

Come of with some ‘green flags’ of your own. I have told you a few of mine. What are some of yours? There really is no right or wrong answer to this question. We all enjoy and value different things in people and in life. Knowing what we do want can help us notice when we see that in others.

VERY HARD TO BE SIMPLE 🤔

Ah, to be simple. This seems like a quest that is next to impossible in today’s complex world. Here is thing, it is one of the secrets to happiness. With our propensity to over-complicate things, we create unnecessary stress and chaos in our lives. One great way to limit stress and help bring us peace is to become simple. This can be done in many different ways. Just to get you started, we are going to look at two examples that I think everyone could benefit by putting into practice.

The first is to find joy in simple things. Have you ever tried booking a vacation to the tropics? How about doing it as a surprise for the birthday of the woman you love? Let me tell you, a lot of complications there. A lot of stress. However, have you ever made a conscious effort to set and really listen to that same woman in an attempt to not only make her feel heard, but to perhaps learn a little more about that special person in your life? Pretty simple and brings joy to both parties. How about just going for a walk in nature and enjoying the fresh air and all that you see? The benefits of walking in nature are worth both researching as well as experiencing.

If we thought that being simple in today’s world is difficult, try being present! With that little device in our pocket calling our name every second through the beeps and other such noises, we can miss the world passing us by. When my mother and I walk through the woods, we occasionally see people walking through this beautiful scenery, face buried in their phones. They miss the deer munching on some clover, or the hawk soaring above. Maybe they miss the chance to sit and enjoy a quiet sunset.

More than digital distractions, is the distraction of our own minds. Many dinners are ruined by someone lost in thought over a work problem. What is crazy, is that these people often feel guilty about not paying more attention to their dinner company, thus adding even more stress. This tends to be a repeating cycle. It would benefit us greatly, and reduce our stress, to simply do what we are doing. If we are eating dinner, put our attention there. Not only will we better enjoy our company, we will taste the food more. If we are going for a walk to reduce our stress, let us not ruin it by dwelling on the stress while we are walking. Let us be present as often as we can.

By simplifying our life, we will increase our happiness. Enjoying pleasures that are more simple and organic as well as being present, are only two ways in which we can do so. In what ways do you think you could make life more simple? What would you recommend to someone who is looking to do this? Let us all share our ideas and help each other.

ARE YOU GOING TO AFFECT OR INFECT? 👀

As we sit here looking at another work week about to begin, we have some very important decisions to make. One of the most important is the energy that we are going to bring to it! I like the picture above because it reminds us of the power and influence we have with others. It is rather ironic that people will work so hard to set up their influence online to become a famous ‘influencer’, yet they forget the influence they already have.

Whether you are looking for your next million followers, or have no idea what an online influencer is, this post is for you. The energy we bring to the world and to the day has an impact on others. Not only the people we come in contact with, but often far more than that. If you berate the young lady at the coffee shop for putting too much ice in your drink, it may not seem to bother her, but it is one bit of negative energy she probably did not need. What if that same young lady has a date set up with the person she loves after work? Do you think that negative emotion could impact that date as well? If she is unable to enjoy her date, do you not think that will also affect the person she is on a date with? It is like throwing a pebble into the ocean, the ripples with continue to spread out.

Let us look at this from the opposite angle. What if you can radically positively impact someone’s day? Maybe the stranger you let go ahead of you in the grocery line just learned their child has a serious illness? What if the smile you shared with a stranger helps someone who is struggling with depression? Think of how adding joy to someone’s day can make a difference? It can help them have a more positive emotional state. The things this can impact are many. When we are in a positive emotional state, our immune system functions better. We are more likely to take advantage of opportunities.

You might find this a little dramatic. “Neil, you really expect me to believe that my energy can ruin someone’s date or help them against getting sick?” Yes, it actually can! With this knowledge, we should be excited to positively impact as many people as we can. Just like our negative example, this will impact far more than just the lucky souls we are sharing our positivity with! This week, let us make an effort to inspire and not to infect.

ASK A DIFFERENT QUESTION ❓️

It is Monday, let us do this week a little different. Normally, the reason we do things is for what we can get out of it. This is not always a monetary issue. We can get a feeling of accomplishment, such as when we clean the house. We can get a feeling of health and energy, like when we finish a good workout. It can even be more seemingly altruistic. Maybe we are doing it to get a good feeling, such as when we help another person. Depending on your motive, this can be a motivating way to move through life.

What I advocate we do this week, is ask ourselves this question, “Who is this going to help me become?” In the case of cleaning the house, will it help you become a more disciplined, less stressed, individual? Working out can leave you a healthier, more flexible and yes, less stressed, person. How about helping someone for no reason other than developing your character and becoming someone who can relate to others better?

This week, ask yourself “Who is this helping me become?” Even dragging yourself into work on a Monday morning when you really don’t feel like it can make you a person who is viewed as reliable. It can also make you someone you can be proud of. A person who takes care of their responsibilities even when they would rather not. It can also help you avoid things you shouldn’t do. Tempted by those doughnuts in the breakroom? Eating them will make you someone who gives into temptation and who does not put an accent on their health. What are your actions helping you become?

THE END, OR THE BEGINNING?🤔

The end of the weekend is fast approaching. Too fast for many of us. Before we pick out a black mourning outfit to wear to work on Monday, let us remember that although we have left our 48 hours of freedom behind, we are starting something new. No, I am not talking about 120 hours in which we are in work mode. Although looking at the numbers, I do feel it should be a little more balanced. What it could be is the beginning of the most wonderful week of our lives. We never know what might await us in the coming days.

As you can see in the photo above, I recently returned from vacation with this beautiful lady. As the days get further away from being in the sunny Bahamas, I have 2 choices. I could lament the fact that it has been even longer since I have been laying on a beach after a breakfast buffet, or I can think that it is the beginning (and one week closer) to planning the next escape with my lovely lady. You may think this is splitting hairs, so to speak, and you may be right. Here is another truth – although both facts may be true, looking at them in different ways will give you entirely different feelings. Why not pick the one that makes you feel good?

Take the words of wisdom from the great Mr. Rogers. Every end is also a new beginning. We should work on fostering feelings of excitement for what is next in our lives. It will have us viewing life as we should, as one big adventure.

DON’T LET IT HAPPEN TO YOU!

It has happened to all of us. Some less-than-thoughtful person says, or does, something to ruin our day. Maybe it is something particularly unnerving that sticks with us. I know that is something yours truly is working on. It can set the tone for your entire day. Here is a hard truth – it shouldn’t. Each person, each interaction, should be viewed as a clean slate. We should give each person a fresh opportunity. This is done not only to benefit those we interact with, but ourselves as well. If you let that bad experience fester, it can really drive you crazy. Trust me, it is something that I know all too well.

That creates the question, how do we start fresh with each person? By seeing them for what they are, a new adventure to discover and unfold. Even the same person who is always negative can transform through some life epiphany. The odds may play against that, but it can happen. I have a lady at my day job who is like that. Let us call her “Michelle”. Whenever I have cause to interact with this young lady, there are a few things I do. First, I guard my energy because she is an emotional vampire who can suck the joy out of you. Then, I remember it is an opportunity to try and influence her energy instead of the other way around. Then, I do my best to remember that anyone can change. Even those who have been the same for years.

Just like wearing garlic for regular vampires, you must protect your energy with emotional vampires as well. Use the steps above. If you are feeling a bit down, be that physically or emotionally, do your best to avoid them. When you do interact with them, remember to give them opportunities to change their ways. If they do, encourage them by reacting positively. If they do not, be grateful that you are not the same. I also find viewing it like an emotional day at the gym. When we work out physically, we encounter resistance. It is always work, and seldom fun. Yet, we leave the gym feeling stronger and as a slightly better version of ourselves.

Just remember these important things when encountering sunshine-challenged people. First, protect your own energy. You can do this in many different ways. Use the one that speaks to you. Do not forget to give them the benefit of the doubt. Anyone can change at any time. If they have not, view it as an emotional workout. Let it strengthen your ability to remain positive in the face of negativity.

BONUS DAY!!!

Everyone would love a bonus day in their lives, wouldn’t they? How many times do you look around at everything you have to do in life and wish you just had a few more hours in they day? For most of us, that is daily. Here is a trick question. If you did have a bonus day, what would you spend it focused on? Would it be accomplishing more? Would it be resting more? Would it be focused on just doing nothing? How about focusing on joy? On bliss?

Today is leap year. It has many of us thinking of a bonus day. That is not exactly how it is, but you get the idea. Here is a fact that we often overlook. Every day is a bonus day. There are so many things that could go sideways in life and in the world that every day we enjoy with those we love is a bonus day. This may sound metaphorical, but it is not. Who is to say who will be here tomorrow and who will not. Today we are, let us make the most of it. This will mean different things to different people. Maybe completing that household chore you have been working on forever will give you joy? Then, put some time in. Maybe you need to slow down and just enjoy a little time for yourself. Don’t feel guilty, just do that.

Let leap year serve as a reminder to us that every day is a bonus day. We are not promised tomorrow, but we have been given today. Let us make the most of this beautiful bonus day!

HELP A MAN CLIMB A MOUNTAIN ⛰️

It is Thursday, how is the week treating you? Often, it is at this point, we really could use the weekend to come a day earlier. No matter the day, life can have its tough times. What can we do when we feel overwhelmed? My advice, when facing a problem that either seems insurmountable or that you have no control over, is to help someone else with their problems. This was brought home to me in my own life. The story is relayed in my second book, Living the Dream. In short, when facing one of the darkest periods of my life, I was inspired and found my purpose while serving the under-privileged at a meal program.

I often found this a difficult concept to articulate. How can adding someone else’s problems to your already overwhelmed life do you any good? It seems counterintuitive. Like many things in life, it seems that way, but really is the key to success. I think the quote above about helping someone climb a mountain is a great illustration. Not only will you arrive at the top of the mountain as well. After all, how could you help someone climb a mountain, if you were not there with them? It will also allow you both to get there quicker and with a far greater chance at success than if either of you did it alone.

There are so many examples I see in my own life. I enjoy helping other authors and invariably learn something from them. Also, working together, we seem to reach a far greater audience. At the gym, I see people helping each other out with both workout and diet tips. One of the greatest ways to help one another is to share a smile. There can be so much negativity that we are exposed to in today’s world that having someone share a genuine smile with you can make a huge difference. Just like the mountain example, the more people you share smiles with, the more likely you are to get smiles thrown back your way. Can you imagine a day where everyone went around smiling at each other? Such a simple thing, but it would make such a huge difference.

This week, today, go out and help someone climb that mountain! Share that inspiration. Lend a helping hand where you can. Not only will you help so many people reach the top of the mountains they are striving to climb, but you will enjoy the view from so many different peaks as well!